Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:31 pm
Gah, lemme try and say stuff quickly before I get too tired to think straight.
Overthepacific wrote:
- Negative opinions, Read at your own risk:
- I will never get tired of Double Spoilers!:
Not that it can't be all over the place, but it's perfectly plausible that Lighthoove's plans are on the scale of weeks instead of days. And there's no fast of getting to Shadowbolt Tower without getting shot down no matter what.
Babysitter for the all the emotional drama isnt a big step up from causing the emotional drama, but it is a step up.
Emotional drama drives most stories, good and bad.
I feel like a lot of the things weve already been through before, like the whole "realizing goldie isnt as bad as he seems" thing. I hate to say, but that feels like something we already went through.
It's just more characterization for Goldenblood. He doesn't get redemption, he gets an explanation. Sympathize with him as much as you would anyone else who paved a road to hell with their good intentions.
I didnt really expect to see dawn again so soon though, and so randomly at that. I can see her following blackjack around behind the scenes though, so just a minor thought. Blackjack sparing her rather than killing her was a bit frustrating, but actually understandable this time, more than recently any way.
Blackjack spoke with Dawn about investigating the place. “It took me so long watching and waiting. When you came here... I knew you would be alone.” Dawn hissed softly." Oh, and BTW: “You’re
wasting time,” a mare whispered, her voice quiet but permeating the
copper-reeking room. “No... you’re wasting lives...” she hissed
maliciously “Murderer...” Dawn agrees with you! Lol.
After finishing the chapter, I was left with the overall feeling that
this was just another one of those break chapters where nothing really
significant actually moves the story forward. It feels like this chapter
was meant to go back and address things that were forgotten about,
which isnt a bad thing until it takes up the entire chapter. I wouldnt say it was a wasted chapter, but it couldve moved forward more efficiently in a better direction.
I personally think this chapter was meant to be entertaining first, and story-structure stuff tied for third. Good or bad, the first paragraph yanked me into the world with it's description of graffiti, and didn't let go the entire time.
While there were things overall I didnt like, others did bring up some better moments that made it better. Overall I guess Im about neutral on this chapter. It wasnt particularly good imo, but it really wasnt bad either, I suppose it is a step out of the hole the origional ch. 54 dug. So theres that.
IMO, I think most of us have already left that hole.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Overthepacific Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:45 pm
My
Derpmind wrote:
- Spoiler:
Not that it can't be all over the place, but it's perfectly plausible that Lighthoove's plans are on the scale of weeks instead of days. And there's no fast of getting to Shadowbolt Tower without getting shot down no matter what.
They seemed pretty adamant about getting there at the beginning of the chapter. Their attention span seems to be unbelievable short considering whats at stake.
Emotional drama drives most stories, good and bad.
If it wasnt the same drama over the course of 8 novel lengths, it usually is a good part of the story. When things drag on, I typically dont want to have to hear about it every other paragraph though.
It's just more characterization for Goldenblood. He doesn't get redemption, he gets an explanation. Sympathize with him as much as you would anyone else who paved a road to hell with their good intentions.
We already have. I dont think it was necessary to have to go over it again, really.
Blackjack spoke with Dawn about investigating the place. “It took me so long watching and waiting. When you came here... I knew you would be alone.” Dawn hissed softly." Oh, and BTW: “You’re
wasting time,” a mare whispered, her voice quiet but permeating the
copper-reeking room. “No... you’re wasting lives...” she hissed
maliciously “Murderer...” Dawn agrees with you! Lol.
I suppose that explains that a little better anyway. Maybe me and Dawn can start a critique tag team.
IMO, I think most of us have already left that hole.
Well, the problem is that, while it is a step out of that hole, there are still holes that need to be stepped out of that are going to need to be addressed before the story can really get better.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:14 am
Well, I can't stay up until forever tonight reading PH, so this is gonna be a two-parter.
- Ch. 55 Comments, part 1:
I'm probably not the only one who just heard Chancellor Ridcully pronounce that "nobblyess obligay".Chapter 55: Noblesse Oblige
Ah yes, the curiously intact and articulated skeletons found throughout the wasteland...One wall ahead boldly declared 'Fuck Big Daddy', but that message was punctuated by what I suspected was the desiccated body of the author impaled on rebar jutting from the wall beside the declaration.
Snerk ha ha ha ha ha whee!He was, as she put it, a ‘big bad freakily familiar fucker’, or BBFFF for short.
Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap. It's night now, though, so Pip can't be literally on the way... I guess she's still resting, but I think we may be less than 24 hours out now. I didn't even notice, but last chapter started with them setting out for Grimhoof at sunset...“The Black Book is coming.”
Excuse me, I need to clean up this spray of soda.“Princess Aquilina Augusta Awesomeness the Graceful,” she said with exaggerated formality.
"Awesomeness"! XD And no, I did not miss the fact that her initials are "AAA".
There's another organization whose initials are AAA, but I doubt Grace will be sending out any tow trucks anytime soon.
Well, I'm flummoxed...There was just something frustratingly familiar about her, but I knew I’d never met her before.
Cue the Sarcastic Clapping Family sketch!what, were derisive gestures a family trait or something?
Oh, I definitely like her!“There isn’t one,” Charm said with a shrug and a happy smile.
...which makes me suspicous that she's the evil mastermind of the group. *sigh*
Okay, Grace just gained about ten points in my book. She's now residing under "tough, but fair". Let's see how long that holds.“What?! There is a difference between a pony starving and a pony forced to sign or die!” Grace snapped. “Do you mean you knew about this, Splendid? Does father?”
I'll be honest, at this point I had to go take a shower and think out my own feelings on the subject. (Not that I have to shower to think, I just needed one anyway and it was a convenient time.)“Because you can and I can’t!” he shouted in my face, tears running down his cheeks in frustration. “Because you have the power to do this and I don’t! You do the audacious and the impossible every single day and I know that if you wanted to change all this, you could!” He closed his eyes, shaking as if on the verge of breaking. “You do so much... do this...”
On one hoof, you can't be expected to fix the entire world at once. For all that they run on slave labor, this is a stable and nonaggressive group. If you have to accept slavery somewhere for a while, this is definitely the place to do it.
On the other hoof, what do you say to the mare whose husband was whipped to death the day after you left? Until the serfs can bring charges against a Society pony for abuse or failure to uphold their end of the contract, every day it stands is an injustice.
On the gripping hoof, this is really an issue of hearts and minds that can't be solved with a 12.7mm hole. You can force the Society to release all the slaves at gunpoint, but it doesn't change the fact that they believe slavery -- or "serfdom" or whatever they want to call it -- is fair and just. It takes time to change that. A lot of time. Charm may be a step in the right direction, but she might just be in her rebellious teenager phase. The main problem is the Society's perceived superiority. If they each had to rotate through the serfs' jobs and living conditions, they might have more empathy and dedication to the good of all...
Loyalty mission!But I also knew that P-21 needed this, just as much as I needed to find Horizons. It didn’t matter what I was here for; he needed something else from this place. A chance to make up for 99.
Don't split the party! Don't split the party!Then I’ll take your friends somewhere they can freshen up while you’re our guests.
Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As princess, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures -- from the crawling ant, to the leaping antelope...Being a princess is more than simply getting what you want.
I'm going to assume that's Mouse rather than Spike.A much clearer picture showed a metal stand and a large purple and green dragon blasting a black pony silhouette with green flames. ‘Traitor executed for crimes against Equestria.’
Huh. Probably should have seen that coming.“Thank you, Emerald. Give your sisters my regards and thanks.”
...aw, shit.
I looked around and spotted a black earth pony mare lying in a heap with a bloody knife embedded in her neck. Another one of my old bosses, Onyx.
Fuck you, Garnet.
I'll have to remember that comment.Evil is when we rationalize the wrongness we do to others.
Granted. Still, if they were really being fair about this, the workers could cancel their contracts at any time.The distinction between slave and serf may not seem like much to you, but it’s the difference between raiding settlements, slapping bomb collars on prisoners, and working them to death and accepting volunteers, giving them safety and food, and working them for half the day.
Ohhh hell. I think Splendid and Grace are very much going to dislike Awesome's surprise announcement of his new choice of heir at the Gala tomorrow. (There's a slim chance that Charm might be down with it.)“I think that I’ve been King of the Society long enough to appreciate what little distinctions we can have. But perhaps a better pony might improve things. Who can say?”
Huh... so that would make him... BJ's third cousin, eight times removed. Um... I don't think he's quite that old. I'll stick that in the editing section. (And Splendid is her fourth cousin, seven times removed.)Other parts, like him claiming to be the great grandson of Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle’s brother and the entitled heir to the Crystal Empire, seemed too farfetched even for the Wasteland.
Wow, that's like... two direct New Vegas quote references in one sentence. Well done!“If you’re going to be anything in the Wasteland, why not be a king? And if you’re going to be a king, you better be a fucking awesome king.” Hence the name.- For those who don't remember:
"The Kings are about an idea, you see? Where every man is free to follow his own path, do his own thing. Where every man is a king in his own right." -The King
"NCR tries to put their stake in everything they see. Nobody's dick's that long -- not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Thus the name." -Cass
That's not the way Keeper told it.In that time, I’d learned that he’d approved of Sky Striker’s marriage to Dawn, as any stallion who would ride a flaming dragon from on high had to be a decent protector, but had wanted them to stay in Elysium.
"Got ugly. Awesome called her a whore. Big Daddy beat the snot out of him."
Guess whose version I trust more.
- Editing, part 1:
should be "but, ultimately, whatever was going on..."A part of me wanted nothing more than to find him for a sound rematch... but whatever ultimately was going on with him wasn’t as immediate as Lighthooves’s biological weapon or Dawn’s actions with the Harbingers.
You keep using "the Neighvarro", which sounds weird. I think you should either refer to Neighvarro as a single entity, or qualify that with "the Neighvarro Enclave" or "the Neighvarro forces" or something like that.Maybe it doesn't. Then the Neighvarro will crack down hard. ... But what if Lighthooves is right and the Neighvarro back down?
Several errors here. Missing a comma after "meeting" and the one after "eager" should be moved after "attack". And "bioweapons" should be one word, or at least hyphenated."But I saw High General Harbinger in a meeting and he was ready, even eager, to attack even with the possibility of the bio weapon."
The "even, even" structure also sounds off to my ear. I'd suggest breaking that sentence:
"But I saw High General Harbinger in a meeting, and he was ready, even eager to attack. Even with the possibility of the bioweapon."
Don't you mean "into"?Rampage frowned at me. "Did that bullet knock some extra smarts out of your brain, Blackjack?"
I feel this should read, "and still have it actually sound possible.""Only you could say something like that with utter sincerity and still have it sound actually possible."
Tension.Yet there was a tenseness beneath it all that bordered on snippy.
The repetition of "ponies" sounds weird. I'd say "three armed guards" or something like that. And wretched-looking should be hyphenated.We drove by a small caravan of three armed ponies escorting a dozen wretched looking ponies, but when the armed trio saw me atop Deus they immediately broke for the woods.
nor any weapons, butShe also wore neither barding nor any weapons but an elegant dress that wouldn’t have lasted ten minutes past this gate.
She had Vigilance a second ago...Glory was already unarmed, and she shrugged.
"perhaps a half-dozen" or "perhaps half a dozen"The Society ponies were almost exclusively unicorns, with perhaps a half dozen well-dressed earth ponies talking amongst themselves.
wrong, though.Still felt wrong though.
new government,' read the caption.‘Goldenblood assumes minor role in Princess’s new government’ read the caption.
The scream associated with starmetal has always been described as psychic in nature, rather than a sound that could be recorded by microphones or even the sensory impressions in a memory orb. It's conceivable that the starmetal is physically resonating at that frequency in this particular device, but if the pinging noise is Horse's "hammer", it specifically didn't make any audible noise when Goldie complained about the sound in the Goldie/Horse memory orb.There was a ping, and for several seconds a long low tone rang out.
There was a ping, and another long tone filled the air.
There was another ping and long screaming note.
Mother should be capitalized.I was more striped than any pony before the war, and when mother died, I didn’t want to come back.
I think this should be "wrongs".Evil is when we rationalize the wrongness we do to others.
I kinda think that should be, "I replied, though I didn't have a clue"“You let me worry about that. I know a filly who owes me a fancy dress or two,” I replied, not having a clue as to what I’d actually do at a party.
I'd just like to point something out here.Other parts, like him claiming to be the great grandson of Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle’s brother and the entitled heir to the Crystal Empire, seemed too farfetched even for the Wasteland.
Compare Shining's family tree:
-Shining Armor
-Child
-Grandchild
-King Awesome
to Twilight's:
-Twilight Sparkle
-Tarot
-Little Poker
-Full House
-52 Pick-up
-Straight Flush
-Aces
-Royal Flush
-Bridge
-Hearts
-Gin Rummy
-Blackjack
I'm not saying that's positively wrong. Maybe the half-alicorn blood made Shining and Cadence's child remarkably long-lived, or maybe the Crystal Empire went Brigadoon for another century or so when the bombs started falling. I just want to make sure you intended to imply what you're implying here.
Totally off topic -- can I just say that I think it's sort of awesome that the crystal ponies missed the entire Nightmare Moon millennium?
Last edited by SilentCarto on Wed May 01, 2013 11:56 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by tylertoon2 Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:17 am
So how do you people think the will affect matters.
- Spoiler:
- Personally, I think Blackjack is going to try and play hot potato with it. Till she decides to actually make some changes. In other news the aristocracy will not be happy one bit they won't show it though. Not until Blackjack burps out the cyanide put in her whiskey like it was nothing.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:22 am
Not sure what you did there, but your spoiler tag... didn't.tylertoon2 wrote:So how do you people think the
will affect matters.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:31 am
SilentCarto wrote:
- Ch. 55 Comments, part 1:
- Spoiler:
- Damn, you know what I just remembered? That dragon flame can also transport the burnee, as seen with Littlepip, so perhaps Goldenblood wasn't executed (not to mention it's an interesting way of killing someone, when there are easier ways, though I suppose it was suppost to be a public 'show' execution), but transported him to one of the princesses though changing the destination would probably be a piece of cake for Goldenblood, depending on how dragonfire works. Though it could entirely be possible that Luna was in on at least some of his schemes, as shown with 'Eclipse' in the scene with Horse and the Crusader mainframe 1.2
- Spoiler:
It is entirely possible that he could be making shit up hereI'd just like to point out something here.
Compare Shining's family tree:
-Shining Armor
-Child
-Grandchild
-King Awesome
to Twilight's:
-Twilight Sparkle
-Tarot
-Little Poker
-Full House
-52 Pick-up
-Straight Flush
-Aces
-Royal Flush
-Bridge
-Hearts
-Gin Rummy
-Blackjack
I'm not saying that's positively wrong. Maybe the half-alicorn blood made Shining and Cadence's child remarkably long-lived, or maybe the Crystal Empire went Brigadoon for another century or so when the bombs started falling. I just want to make sure you intended to imply what you're implying here.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Admiral Stoic Rum Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:12 am
I enjoyed the chapter. I was also thrown by the ending
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kippershy Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:19 am
Time to continue reading. I'll edit the second half review into this post.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by MLPOCG Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:08 am
Pleased to say that after the controversy of the last chapter, I thoroughly enjoyed this. The story may not put me in tears like it used to but the overall more positive and less grimdark (compared to what we had before up to chapter 33) tone makes it more fun to read since I don't have to emotionally numb myself (hard to read through tears). In particular I liked the interaction between P-21 and Blackjack, and it's becoming hard to pick a favourite character since all of them have so much to like about them. The fight scene was handled remarkably well and was short and to the point, and I can say that the quality of your writing has greatly improved over the course of the story.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kippershy Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:03 am
Was gonna edit it in, decided not to. Anyway, here's the second part of my review.
Good chapter, much, much better than the last. The ending seems very strange that such a thing would just happen, but
So yeah, you did good. Sorry about the way I was before, but at the time it's what I felt needed doing. I know I went too far, I know I said some stuff I shouldn't have, but it's how I felt.
I have some reasons that would explain it a little, but I don't want to share and have this apology lose worth.
- part two:
Again, some nice little interaction between BJ and KA.
And you got an internal daww from me with the kiss on the cheek. I like that, Blackjack feeling comfortable enough around him to give such an expression of gratitude and respect. It's sweet.
Boo being fucking adorable as ever. I want to cuddle her so damn much.
Now the interaction with Glory where she recognises the fact Blackjack can't stay safe because no matter what, trouble and Blackjack find one another without fail? That's a real start on the relationship stuff I'd love to see more of.
I mean, okay, some would call it padding when you should be focusing on other things, and of course I wouldn't expect you to make it a main focus or anything like that. But more of these little moments really would make me happy to see, giving their relationship something more to actually call a relationship rather than just "we fuck from time to time."
Some more fucking adorable moments from Scotch/Boo. I love these moments.
"Tank beats everything"
Again, you're referencing something and doing it right. Halo 3, when you get the dropship deliver a tank so you can assault that base.
Been too long to remember specifics, but there's no denying it. "Tank beats wraith. Tank beats ____, tank beats tank. Tank beats everything!"
Into the memory orb now. Nothing much to say since the last point -- which is a good thing. At least I'm not complaining, right?
Goldenblood is a smart pony. He knows better than to link his brain up to a machine that is designed to copy -everything- that it [his brain] contains. No doubt storing it permanently, too.
Good to see Psalm being utterly badass. I like that.
This whole goddess making BJ go autopilot is hilarious. Good thing she'll be dead soon though, can't risk that for much longer.
Need in a locked box? Eat the lock! hah, those little moments gotta make ya smile.
Now this fight with Dawn is a lot, lot, LOT more reasonable than the initial fight with the Legate. I never did end up reading the revisions properly, but I was told about them. Still, point is, you're handling this a lot better.
It feels like Blackjack is up against a threat that isn't too stupidly overpowered to call reasonable.
Dawn is a mech now, not really a pony any more. It's completely understandable she'd have the capability to be equal if not stronger than Blackjack.
Reading on.
Here's the chance to execute your enemy and save yourself a lot of hassle in the future. Betting she doesn't take it.
I'm not mad this time. The rapist was a completely different situation. Besides, Blackjack and KA have a good discussion about it.
Ahh, lovely group hug to end the fighting.
and chapter end.
Good chapter, much, much better than the last. The ending seems very strange that such a thing would just happen, but
- Spoiler:
- my guess is you're going to say that in the short time that Blackjack was with King Awesome, he decided she was the best choice for some reason like the wisdom about the past and all that.
Or maybe not? Maybe he made her queen because that would mean she wouldn't have to fight the Society. She could then just tell them what they will and won't do, how they have to change.
It's a much better way of handling all that, even if it does lead to a rushed way to fix things up.
Still, this is a better alternative than to have her fighting them and leaving yet another mess, so I'd much rather this and the only thing I'd rather more is if she didn't mess with them at all, much to P-21's dismay.
So yeah, you did good. Sorry about the way I was before, but at the time it's what I felt needed doing. I know I went too far, I know I said some stuff I shouldn't have, but it's how I felt.
I have some reasons that would explain it a little, but I don't want to share and have this apology lose worth.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:18 am
Finished the chapter! (55)
- Brief thoughts!:
- Sadly, they will indeed be but brief, since the age of finals has come upon us (every time I think it's already here, it only gets MORE HERE).
But, in any case! Da chapter! I think the best summation of its quality is that I became VERY immersed in it around the halfway point, maybe before. I dunno. But yes, this one drew me in despite it being 5 AM or so and I woke up at 7 AM yesterday and I haven't had anything stronger than tea in the last couple hours. So! Basically: I was favorably impressed with this chapter. Now, y'all know me - I love dialogue. So this whole chapter was filled with what basically amounted to Cobaltbait. But you are never going to catch me complaining that a chapter was too relevant to my interests.
Favorite bits...
-Conflict within the ranks! Highlights the differences in characters, gives opportunities for engaging dialogue, fertile ground for character development.
-P-21 exercising agency. This is linked to the above, but I love it when he exercises agency because he is awesome and huggable. These brief thoughts are going to contain a lot of actually theoretically useful thoughts combined with a lot of useless and slightly strange statements like that, I expect. But yeah, that bathroom conversation was also great. Highlighting the "champion of the downtrodden" side of P-21 while also reminding us where that comes from (temporarily and only just bridled raaaaage!) AND highlighting how he relies on Blackjack to do these things because he believes she really can. Delicia.
-Everything with the Goddess. I really didn't know where this was going and that's horrifying and it ramps her evilness and threat level up so much and at the same time she's such a ham and so crazy that it's hilarious. I like when baddies can pull this off (extraordinarily threatening while still comical), and the Goddess has historically been able to, but never so well as this. Really liked this bit. The Goddess taking over Blackjack's body and then referring to herself as "the Blackjack" was amazing. Comedy gold, baby. And also terrifying.
-King Awesome was nice. I liked him. I thought he was done well. Something about him reminded me of something in the first Assassin trilogy by Robin Hobb. I honestly have no idea what; it may have been the sort of Blackjack that he brought out reminded me of it instead. Anyway, specifically the first one, since the others she wrote were... not bad but not as good. Except for that one that took place in a different setting to her others, that one was pretty meh for me. Uh, off topic. Point is, I liked him and his indication that this stuff's real, and Blackjack's chance to talk with him, and his subtly figuring out whether or not she'd be a good successor.
-The backstabbery being set up. Political intrigue! Who precisely ordered the guards to brandish weapons at Blackjack, no doubt hoping to make her go away or at least get her in Awesome's bad books so as to increase their odds in the line of succession? Or is one of them just a little asshole anarchist? Delightful! Oh, and the Gala is gonna kick butts. All the butts. I will require a repost of Wavey's picture of the main cast at a (the?) Gala when it happens. The one with the punch that tastes of mares, you know the one.
-All the starmetal tone stuff. Conspiracies within conspiracies. Goldenblood using it (further evidence that he was increasingly slipping and being manipulated - something something theme of embracing a hideous destiny instead of fighting leading to bad ends, I'm not being cogent), the indications of what it could do.
Okay, um, things that I wasn't as enthusiastic about but didn't like hate or anything!
-/facepalm I forgot what Blackjack was supposed to be doing in Roseluck agrifarms. I appreciated going there, and I knew there was a reason, but I forgot what it was. My bad, tbh. I may have missed the recap of it, too.
-The fight with Dawn was really well choreographed, and it did make some sense, and mostly I was just surprised to see her turn up so soon. It worked well with the King Awesome stuff. But yeah, color me surprised.
-I lied this isn't very brief. Oops.
-Um... I dunno, I'm still sad to hear about your real life troubles; that sucks, dude, it seriously sucks and I hope you can find yourself a steady income stream and a generally steady place to be in your life soon. The stresses of uncertainty do no one any good. /hugs
K! Very enjoyable read, this; it drives me to sleeplessness. :) I'm gonna get in two hours now, and wake up more tired than I am right now, no doubt. =P But it will be healthier in the long run. Good luck with 56, and with life, and, well, with everything!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Apr 30, 2013 9:56 am
Ah, thank you. "the Neighvarro" doesn't sound off to me, though, sorry. I've also not put in the "nor any weapons but" comma, as that would result in a sentence fragment. I also, for various reasons, don't think that the issue of Awesome's descent is a problem.SilentCarto wrote:Well, I can't stay up until forever tonight reading PH, so this is gonna be a two-parter.
- Ch. 55 Comments, part 1:
"Awesomeness"! XD And no, I did not miss the fact that her initials are "AAA".
There's another organization whose initials are AAA, but I doubt Grace will be sending out any tow trucks anytime soon.Well, I'm flummoxed...There was just something frustratingly familiar about her, but I knew I’d never met her before.Cue the Sarcastic Clapping Family sketch!what, were derisive gestures a family trait or something?Oh, I definitely like her!“There isn’t one,” Charm said with a shrug and a happy smile.
...which makes me suspicous that she's the evil mastermind of the group. *sigh*Okay, Grace just gained about ten points in my book. She's now residing under "tough, but fair". Let's see how long that holds.“What?! There is a difference between a pony starving and a pony forced to sign or die!” Grace snapped. “Do you mean you knew about this, Splendid? Does father?”I'll be honest, at this point I had to go take a shower and think out my own feelings on the subject. (Not that I have to shower to think, I just needed one anyway and it was a convenient time.)“Because you can and I can’t!” he shouted in my face, tears running down his cheeks in frustration. “Because you have the power to do this and I don’t! You do the audacious and the impossible every single day and I know that if you wanted to change all this, you could!” He closed his eyes, shaking as if on the verge of breaking. “You do so much... do this...”
On one hoof, you can't be expected to fix the entire world at once. For all that they run on slave labor, this is a stable and nonaggressive group. If you have to accept slavery somewhere for a while, this is definitely the place to do it.
On the other hoof, what do you say to the mare whose husband was whipped to death the day after you left? Until the serfs can bring charges against a Society pony for abuse or failure to uphold their end of the contract, every day it stands is an injustice.
On the gripping hoof, this is really an issue of hearts and minds that can't be solved with a 12.7mm hole. You can force the Society to release all the slaves at gunpoint, but it doesn't change the fact that they believe slavery -- or "serfdom" or whatever they want to call it -- is fair and just. It takes time to change that. A lot of time. Charm may be a step in the right direction, but she might just be in her rebellious teenager phase. The main problem is the Society's perceived superiority. If they each had to rotate through the serfs' jobs and living conditions, they might have more empathy and dedication to the good of all...Loyalty mission!But I also knew that P-21 needed this, just as much as I needed to find Horizons. It didn’t matter what I was here for; he needed something else from this place. A chance to make up for 99.Don't split the party! Don't split the party!Then I’ll take your friends somewhere they can freshen up while you’re our guests.Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As princess, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures -- from the crawling ant, to the leaping antelope...Being a princess is more than simply getting what you want.I'm going to assume that's Mouse rather than Spike.A much clearer picture showed a metal stand and a large purple and green dragon blasting a black pony silhouette with green flames. ‘Traitor executed for crimes against Equestria.’Huh. Probably should have seen that coming.“Thank you, Emerald. Give your sisters my regards and thanks.”
...aw, shit.
I looked around and spotted a black earth pony mare lying in a heap with a bloody knife embedded in her neck. Another one of my old bosses, Onyx.
Fuck you, Garnet.I'll have to remember that comment.Evil is when we rationalize the wrongness we do to others.Granted. Still, if they were really being fair about this, the workers could cancel their contracts at any time.The distinction between slave and serf may not seem like much to you, but it’s the difference between raiding settlements, slapping bomb collars on prisoners, and working them to death and accepting volunteers, giving them safety and food, and working them for half the day.Ohhh hell. I think Splendid and Grace are very much going to dislike Awesome's surprise announcement of his new choice of heir at the Gala tomorrow. (There's a slim chance that Charm might be down with it.)“I think that I’ve been King of the Society long enough to appreciate what little distinctions we can have. But perhaps a better pony might improve things. Who can say?”Huh... so that would make him... BJ's third cousin, eight times removed. Um... I don't think he's quite that old. I'll stick that in the editing section. (And Splendid is her fourth cousin, seven times removed.)Other parts, like him claiming to be the great grandson of Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle’s brother and the entitled heir to the Crystal Empire, seemed too farfetched even for the Wasteland.Wow, that's like... two direct New Vegas quote references in one sentence. Well done!“If you’re going to be anything in the Wasteland, why not be a king? And if you’re going to be a king, you better be a fucking awesome king.” Hence the name.
[spoilers=For those who don't remember]
"The Kings are about an idea, you see? Where every man is free to follow his own path, do his own thing. Where every man is a king in his own right." -The King
"NCR tries to put their stake in everything they see. Nobody's dick's that long -- not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Thus the name." -Cass
[/spoilers]That's not the way Keeper told it.In that time, I’d learned that he’d approved of Sky Striker’s marriage to Dawn, as any stallion who would ride a flaming dragon from on high had to be a decent protector, but had wanted them to stay in Elysium.
"Got ugly. Awesome called her a whore. Big Daddy beat the snot out of him."
Guess whose version I trust more.
- Editing, part 1:
The "even, even" structure also sounds off to my ear. I'd suggest breaking that sentence:
"But I saw High General Harbinger in a meeting, and he was ready, even eager to attack. Even with the possibility of the bioweapon."Don't you mean "into"?Rampage frowned at me. "Did that bullet knock some extra smarts out of your brain, Blackjack?"I feel this should read, "and still have it actually sound possible.""Only you could say something like that with utter sincerity and still have it sound actually possible."Tension.Yet there was a tenseness beneath it all that bordered on snippy.The repetition of "ponies" sounds weird. I'd say "three armed guards" or something like that. And wretched-looking should be hyphenated.We drove by a small caravan of three armed ponies escorting a dozen wretched looking ponies, but when the armed trio saw me atop Deus they immediately broke for the woods.nor any weapons, butShe also wore neither barding nor any weapons but an elegant dress that wouldn’t have lasted ten minutes past this gate.She had Vigilance a second ago...Glory was already unarmed, and she shrugged."perhaps a half-dozen" or "perhaps half a dozen"The Society ponies were almost exclusively unicorns, with perhaps a half dozen well-dressed earth ponies talking amongst themselves.wrong, though.Still felt wrong though.new government,' read the caption.‘Goldenblood assumes minor role in Princess’s new government’ read the caption.The scream associated with starmetal has always been described as psychic in nature, rather than a sound that could be recorded by microphones or even the sensory impressions in a memory orb. It's conceivable that the starmetal is physically resonating at that frequency in this particular device, but if the pinging noise is Horse's "hammer", it specifically didn't make any audible noise when Goldie complained about the sound in the Goldie/Horse memory orb.There was a ping, and for several seconds a long low tone rang out.
There was a ping, and another long tone filled the air.
There was another ping and long screaming note.Mother should be capitalized.I was more striped than any pony before the war, and when mother died, I didn’t want to come back.I think this should be "wrongs".Evil is when we rationalize the wrongness we do to others.I kinda think that should be, "I replied, though I didn't have a clue"“You let me worry about that. I know a filly who owes me a fancy dress or two,” I replied, not having a clue as to what I’d actually do at a party.I'd just like to point something out here.Other parts, like him claiming to be the great grandson of Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle’s brother and the entitled heir to the Crystal Empire, seemed too farfetched even for the Wasteland.
Compare Shining's family tree:
-Shining Armor
-Child
-Grandchild
-King Awesome
to Twilight's:
-Twilight Sparkle
-Tarot
-Little Poker
-Full House
-52 Pick-up
-Straight Flush
-Aces
-Royal Flush
-Bridge
-Hearts
-Gin Rummy
-Blackjack
I'm not saying that's positively wrong. Maybe the half-alicorn blood made Shining and Cadence's child remarkably long-lived, or maybe the Crystal Empire went Brigadoon for another century or so when the bombs started falling. I just want to make sure you intended to imply what you're implying here.
Totally off topic -- can I just say that I think it's sort of awesome that the crystal ponies missed the entire Nightmare Moon millennium?
I've relayed the scream matter to Somber. (I'm also mentioning the mismatching stories matter, just in case that wasn't deliberate.)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:51 am
Granted I've accepted the fact that when it comes to this story I tend to turn a blind eye to things I may find wrong and am more accepting of problems others may have, but on the topic of King Awesome...
Anyways, if my last post about the chapter didn't convey my thoughts on it already, I really enjoyed reading it. A lot of what the others pointed out to be the good parts I have to agree with and I got so wrapped up in reading that the chapter was finished before I knew it. Even if it's a month away I look forward to the next chapter and I really really really hope the Goddess will stop being an issue for Blackjack soon.
Remember back in the early chapters when Blackjack would mess with the Goddess, making her angry and all? It's going to be really awkward reading those parts again when I get around to re-reading those chapters again.
- Spoiler:
- Unless Somber outright states he is Shinning Armor's great great grandkid, does it really matter if he is or not? With the exception of possibly giving Blackjack more standing if she mentions being Twilight's decedent, which unless I miss something she didn't mention to Awesome, all it does is provide another reference and good for a quick chuckle.
I'm pretty sure nobody really has a problem with it, I just want any discussion about that to be in good fun and for theoretical debate rather then serious discussion. And if people do have a problem I'm chalking my acceptance of King Awesome's claim to the fact in my fic that will never be I was going to have a character claim to be the decedent of Sharif Silver Star.
Anyways, if my last post about the chapter didn't convey my thoughts on it already, I really enjoyed reading it. A lot of what the others pointed out to be the good parts I have to agree with and I got so wrapped up in reading that the chapter was finished before I knew it. Even if it's a month away I look forward to the next chapter and I really really really hope the Goddess will stop being an issue for Blackjack soon.
Remember back in the early chapters when Blackjack would mess with the Goddess, making her angry and all? It's going to be really awkward reading those parts again when I get around to re-reading those chapters again.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Regolit Tue Apr 30, 2013 12:03 pm
Damn, awesome chapter! I am likes this ending so much. Whole chapter I thought, what she gonna do with this situation? And then... Bam! BJ you know better than anyone? Take crown, show it. F*cking good.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:38 pm
Okay, a lot of commentaries has been made, and i may not have read them all with the most attention, but bear with me for a second...
- Spoiler:
- Eclipse... She's Luna shapeshifting as a pegasus, and this mean she's completely aware of what kind of business Goldenblood is in, right ?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:41 pm
my thoughts exactlyHarmony Ltd. wrote:Okay, a lot of commentaries has been made, and i may not have read them all with the most attention, but bear with me for a second...
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- she might not have known everything however it does seem like she knew a good bit
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Ketchup Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:12 pm
Where did that idea come from? Is it just a supposition or did I miss it?Harmony Ltd. wrote:Okay, a lot of commentaries has been made, and i may not have read them all with the most attention, but bear with me for a second...
- Spoiler:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:23 pm
Ketchup wrote:Where did that idea come from? Is it just a supposition or did I miss it?Harmony Ltd. wrote:Okay, a lot of commentaries has been made, and i may not have read them all with the most attention, but bear with me for a second...
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
I don't know about anyone else but this just screams that Eclipse is Luna to me, just because of the way she's speaking, because who would refer to Luna in such a blunt way except for Luna herself making a jokeChapter 55 wrote:Eclipse fluttered her wings and tossed her head. “I’m fine. Just a little disoriented. If he wasn’t already involved tangentially, I would. We’ll just use it as a reason for him to behave. I’m more interested in his discovery. See what we can commandeer and sneak out from him. I doubt his security is as tight as Apple Bloom’s.”
“Espionage on her own subjects. What would her majesty think?” Goldenblood said in an almost teasing voice.
“Princess Luna knows nothing about it whatsoever. Princess Luna sits on her throne and makes impressive speeches while the Ministries do all their acts behind her back. Poor Princess Luna,” Eclipse giggled as the world began to blur away.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:37 pm
- Spoiler:
- Psalm Dream, Chapter 49 wrote:
“I don’t know why I’m here at all. I’ve never met this Eclipse. Do they work for the Princess?”
“Something like that,” he replied with a smile, and then his ears twitched and he frowned.
. . .
Eclipse snorted scornfully, and my shock must have shown because she immediately coughed and forced a smile. “Ahem. Sorry to cut this short, but sometimes there’s just no reasoning with my… with Princess Celestia. I’ll get somepony to show you out, my dear.”
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:38 pm
Icy Shake wrote:
- Spoiler:
“I don’t know why I’m here at all. I’ve never met this Eclipse. Do they work for the Princess?”
“Something like that,” he replied with a smile, and then his ears twitched and he frowned.
. . .
Eclipse snorted scornfully, and my shock must have shown because she immediately coughed and forced a smile. “Ahem. Sorry to cut this short, but sometimes there’s just no reasoning with my… with Princess Celestia. I’ll get somepony to show you out, my dear.”
Okay, what the hell. How did I miss this?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:39 pm
I forgot about that part, so that solves that question of identity pretty clearly.Icy Shake wrote:
- Spoiler:
“I don’t know why I’m here at all. I’ve never met this Eclipse. Do they work for the Princess?”
“Something like that,” he replied with a smile, and then his ears twitched and he frowned.
. . .
Eclipse snorted scornfully, and my shock must have shown because she immediately coughed and forced a smile. “Ahem. Sorry to cut this short, but sometimes there’s just no reasoning with my… with Princess Celestia. I’ll get somepony to show you out, my dear.”
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Ketchup Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:43 pm
I was just getting the good bits out of that scene, and Icy ninja'd me. 
So yeah, pretty well supported.
This is what I had:
So yeah, pretty well supported.
This is what I had:
- Spoiler:
- I looked at the dark windows, the normally bright glass images now menacing abstract shapes. “I don’t know why I’m here at all. I’ve never met this Eclipse. Do they work for the Princess?”
“Something like that,” he replied with a smile, and then his ears twitched and he frowned. “Hmmm… Celestia’s here.” I looked around, but aside from a distant chirping I couldn’t hear anything.
“Princess Celestia? Where?” I gasped in a rush of glee, earning a cool look from the stallion. “Not that Princess Luna’s not… um… nice...”
“It’s always trouble whenever she visits,” he muttered as he led me further into the back of the palace. “Doesn’t she understand that Princess Luna’s busy? Ugh…” He stopped at a pair of double doors and poked his head in. “Psalm to see Miss Eclipse. Also, she’s here.”
There was a pause as a mare muttered under her breath and then said, “One second. Almost… there…” And then abruptly the voice changed and became deeper. “Send Miss Psalm in.”My name is Eclipse. I work closely with various agencies and report directly to Princess Luna. I wanted to ask you some questions about your squad’s latest incursion to Dawn Bay and your attempted assassination of Legate Fortis.”“No.” Eclipse frowned in thought. “You acted on the orders of the Princess. I’m sure that your... soul... can be absolved in service to the Princess. I know she’ll forgive you.”
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:26 pm
@Eclipse
Somber's been taking advantage of the readers' capability to pour over the whole document in full for a very long time now, methinks. The CTRL+F method of finding out hidden plot details is now meant to be used, and that's awesome (fortunately, things get revealed in their own time, too, so less... shall we say "obsessive" readers (I am one when I can be) still get the full plot eventually.
Somber's been taking advantage of the readers' capability to pour over the whole document in full for a very long time now, methinks. The CTRL+F method of finding out hidden plot details is now meant to be used, and that's awesome (fortunately, things get revealed in their own time, too, so less... shall we say "obsessive" readers (I am one when I can be) still get the full plot eventually.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:31 pm
Funny, Eclipse never left an impact on me despite how much she's shown up. Either I've been dense or I was focusing on the wrong things at the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Ketchup Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:36 pm
Ctrl-F is certainly useful when doing fact-finding excursions.Overlong Analysis Cobalt wrote:@Eclipse
Somber's been taking advantage of the readers' capability to pour over the whole document in full for a very long time now, methinks. The CTRL+F method of finding out hidden plot details is now meant to be used, and that's awesome (fortunately, things get revealed in their own time, too, so less... shall we say "obsessive" readers (I am one when I can be) still get the full plot eventually.
She's only showed up twice, as far as I know.Moodyman90 wrote:Funny, Eclipse never left an impact on me despite how much she's shown up. Either I've been dense or I was focusing on the wrong things at the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:56 pm
I don't mean to brag, but I was already suspecting something was up with her the first time she showed up. For me this was only a confirmation of what I was suspecting.
I simply didn't remember the name she was going under.
I simply didn't remember the name she was going under.
Last edited by Harmony Ltd. on Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:56 pm
Ketchup wrote:She's only showed up twice, as far as I know.Moodyman90 wrote:Funny, Eclipse never left an impact on me despite how much she's shown up. Either I've been dense or I was focusing on the wrong things at the time.
- Spoiler:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 17 Tumblr_m7i08mDOoG1qfhoxoo1_1280](https://2img.net/h/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7i08mDOoG1qfhoxoo1_1280.png)
I don't mean to be superior, but it was completely obvious the first time she showed up that she was Luna in disguise.Harmony Ltd. wrote:I don't mean to brag, but I was already suspecting
something was up with her the first time she showed up.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Ketchup Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:02 pm
To be fair, it's easy to miss. It's a small portion of a typically long chapter.Derpmind wrote:I don't mean to be superior, but it was completely obvious the first time she showed up that she was Luna in disguise.Harmony Ltd. wrote:I don't mean to brag, but I was already suspecting
something was up with her the first time she showed up.
I missed it, but I have an annoying tendency to skim the Psalm dreams more than I should, so I'd blame that.
It opens up some interesting possibilities of what Luna does know of the OIA, what she was secretly compliant with. Or, it's Somber throwing a boomerang and it isn't Luna at all.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:07 pm
Notice that 'Eclipse' only mentioned the ministries, not the OIA, so perhaps she didn't know about the projects, though that's becoming less likely then ever, and besides, who else except for Luna could Eclipse be with that slip of the tongue in chapter 49 and that scene in 55?Ketchup wrote:To be fair, it's easy to miss. It's a small portion of a typically long chapter.Derpmind wrote:I don't mean to be superior, but it was completely obvious the first time she showed up that she was Luna in disguise.Harmony Ltd. wrote:I don't mean to brag, but I was already suspecting
something was up with her the first time she showed up.
I missed it, but I have an annoying tendency to skim the Psalm dreams more than I should, so I'd blame that.
It opens up some interesting possibilities of what Luna does know of the OIA, what she was secretly compliant with. Or, it's Somber throwing a boomerang and it isn't Luna at all.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Ketchup Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:13 pm
Quite true, she didn't mention the OIA, but we don't know how well she knew Goldie, or if Psalm told her anything that she wouldn't have told Luna.stringtheory wrote:
Notice that 'Eclipse' only mentioned the ministries, not the OIA, so perhaps she didn't know about the projects, though that's becoming less likely then ever, and besides, who else except for Luna could Eclipse be with that slip of the tongue in chapter 49 and that scene in 55?
As for who else it could be? I'm quite positive that she's Luna myself, but we've gotten curveballs before. We'll see. Probably.
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