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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Post by O. Hinds Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:43 pm

Ketchup wrote:Another two. I think I'll edit this post as I see them.
Spoiler:
Um, no please don't do that; it would be extremely inconvenient. I shall now be ignoring the spoilered part of this post. If you wish me to correct any more typos you find, please put them in a new post. If you wish to officially point out the typos you meant to put in this post, please either put them in the new post or include in the new post a statement that you have abandoned your plan to update this post. Sorry.

OneMoreDaySK wrote:Typos, will add more when found
Spoiler:
Spoiler:
Ah, thank you.
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Post by Ketchup Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:06 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Ketchup wrote:Another two. I think I'll edit this post as I see them.
Spoiler:
Um, no please don't do that; it would be extremely inconvenient. I shall now be ignoring the spoilered part of this post. If you wish me to correct any more typos you find, please put them in a new post. If you wish to officially point out the typos you meant to put in this post, please either put them in the new post or include in the new post a statement that you have abandoned your plan to update this post. Sorry.
Eh... okay. Plan was to add additional spoilers, but I will abide by your instruction.
Very sorry.
Here's another.
Spoiler:
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Post by tylertoon2 Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:07 pm

Guess What?
Spoiler:

That's all I really have to say about the chapter.
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Post by O. Hinds Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:18 pm

Ketchup wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
Ketchup wrote:Another two. I think I'll edit this post as I see them.
Spoiler:
Um, no please don't do that; it would be extremely inconvenient. I shall now be ignoring the spoilered part of this post. If you wish me to correct any more typos you find, please put them in a new post. If you wish to officially point out the typos you meant to put in this post, please either put them in the new post or include in the new post a statement that you have abandoned your plan to update this post. Sorry.
Eh... okay. Plan was to add additional spoilers, but I will abide by your instruction.
Very sorry.
Here's another.
Spoiler:
Ah, thank you very much. Sorry if my particularness annoyed you.
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Post by Moodyman90 Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:22 pm

Well... didn't see that ending coming. I had to suppress a coughing fit it surprised me so.

Also because the whole dorm is on 24 hour quiet time for finals and I'm sure as hell not going to be the asshole making loud noises at 11 PM.
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Post by OneMoreDaySK Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:41 pm

Spoiler:

Dat ending.
Playing Bioshock Infinite definitely sets up some opinions for what Blackjack will or won't do.
Curses, another month to go. Whelp, better start my countdown timer.
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Post by Moodyman90 Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:44 pm

I want to make a witty retort about Bioshock Infinite, but between that game and the new chapter there's too many spoilers to be had.

Plus it's almost midnight so it probably wouldn't be that witty.
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Post by O. Hinds Sun Apr 28, 2013 11:58 pm

OneMoreDaySK wrote:
Spoiler:

Dat ending.
Playing Bioshock Infinite definitely sets up some opinions for what Blackjack will or won't do.
Curses, another month to go. Whelp, better start my countdown timer.
Ah, thank you. The doc is full now, but I've put this on a list.
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Post by Train Dodger Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:12 am

Found a typo:

Spoiler:

Also, Ketchup updated their post on the last page of this thread with another typo, but that was before Hinds laid down the law. Just in case, I'll repeat it here so it doesn't go unnoticed:

Spoiler:


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Post by Ketchup Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:14 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Ah, thank you very much. Sorry if my particularness annoyed you.
It did not. I should have been more considerate of convenience.

Only one more typo I picked up.
Spoiler:

All in all, the large amount of dialogue wasn't bad at all. I enjoyed the chapter, very relaxing.
And dat ending. Oh dear.

Didn't do a thought log, it's a hassle for me to do and keep place at the same time, so sorry to anyone who'd care.
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Post by O. Hinds Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:04 am

Train Dodger wrote:Found a typo:

Spoiler:

Also, Ketchup updated their post on the last page of this thread with another typo, but that was before Hinds laid down the law. Just in case, I'll repeat it here so it doesn't go unnoticed:

Spoiler:



Ketchup wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
Ah, thank you very much. Sorry if my particularness annoyed you.
It did not. I should have been more considerate of convenience.

Only one more typo I picked up.
Spoiler:

All in all, the large amount of dialogue wasn't bad at all. I enjoyed the chapter, very relaxing.
And dat ending. Oh dear.

Didn't do a thought log, it's a hassle for me to do and keep place at the same time, so sorry to anyone who'd care.
Ah, thank you both. The errors have been added to the list.
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Post by Exodus Hero Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:52 am

Cptadder wrote:You post 55 in the middle of Game of Thrones?
That's cold man, ice cold.

It was pretty good though.
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Post by Icy Shake Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:04 am

Well, good to see it's up. Sadly, I came into it in a bit of a bad mood after finishing Mortal, which left something of a bad taste in my mouth, and may have impacted my enjoyment of the early parts of the chapter.

Running Commentary:

Overall Chapter Thoughts:

Editing Matters:

As ever, many thanks to Somber and the brushing team. I hope that real life starts looking up, and really do appreciate the hard work you put into this.
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Post by O. Hinds Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:31 am

Icy Shake wrote:Well, good to see it's up. Sadly, I came into it in a bit of a bad mood after finishing Mortal, which left something of a bad taste in my mouth, and may have impacted my enjoyment of the early parts of the chapter.

Running Commentary:

Overall Chapter Thoughts:

Editing Matters:

As ever, many thanks to Somber and the brushing team. I hope that real life starts looking up, and really do appreciate the hard work you put into this.
Ah, thank you. The errors have been added to the list. Some of them have already been pointed out, but most have not.

Spoiler:
Also, um… I think that you may have gotten confused. Paradise is a separate settlement, unaffiliated with the Society, and we've not been there yet.
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Post by WavemasterRyx Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:28 am

Well, I was very much looking forward to the chapter, and I wasn't disappointed in the least! Even as a chapter that contained a large amount of exposition, it didn't drag at all, in fact it seemed to read very quickly

Thank you, Somber, Hinds, and Bronode for all of your hard work. I really do hope things will be okay for you, Somber, you have my best wishes for your well-being.

Initial thoughts:

As always, I shall try my best to get a full commentary done as soon as I can. Thank you and best wishes again to you, Somber. *hugs you gently*
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Post by Admiral Stoic Rum Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:27 am

That ending, very, very clever.

And the clock is ticking Goddess, Clock. is. Ticking!
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Post by CD Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:33 am

As much as I dislike the thought of being now firmly in the territory of "wait a month for next chapter to be released" instead of tearing into the story like at the outset, this chapter was still fulfilling. The ending just gushes with promises of political intrigue and byzantine power struggles, which I love reading.

Spoiler:

I'm also believing that after this chapter, we might see enervation and starmetal being used as Blackjack's kryptonite. Dawn should be well aware by now that Blackjack is a lot less protected from it, and it will at least stop her healing factor from making her overpowering. Just from a storytelling perspective, that brings back some vulnerability to the juggernaut Blackjack we've had since chapter 34.

Last, my expectations were that since this was another 11th episode, this one would be a lot more horrifying than it was. There was a suitably disgusting scene, but nothing that compares to 22 or 33. I'm not sure if I should feel disappointed over that. In the end, you still want to see Blackjack triumph despite the periodic meatgrinder she's put in.
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Post by Icy Shake Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:49 am

O. Hinds wrote:Ah, thank you. The errors have been added to the list. Some of them have already been pointed out, but most have not.

Spoiler:
Also, um… I think that you may have gotten confused. Paradise is a separate settlement, unaffiliated with the Society, and we've not been there yet.

Spoiler:
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Post by Kippershy Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:12 am

So, I wasn't going to read right away as I have stuff to do, but i've gbeen told you did good, so ill let you know what's up once i'm home and have had a chance to read.
I really am hoping this will bring me back, I need something decent afterr that suicide by train.
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Post by Valikdu Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:13 am

Hugs are good.

Although I'm not convinced that P-21 won't still do (or try to do) something incredibly stupid and counter-productive.

Like so:
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Post by Retl Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:22 am

Alternate Ending:

Point is, I found the chapter good fun.

Thanks for the work, Somber. Sorry about all the craziness you're dealing with lately, but here's to wishing you a much cheerier future.
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Post by Caoimhe Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:34 pm

Thoughts:
Spoiler:

Icy Shake wrote:
Spoiler:

Spoiler:
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Post by Icy Shake Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:42 pm

Caoimhe wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:
Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
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Post by Retl Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:56 pm

Simple Speculation:
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Post by Kippershy Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:22 pm

First of all, I make the disclaimer that I -HAVE NOT- finished the chapter.
This isn't because I don't like it. I do. I just don't feel like reading it all in one go right now.

Likewise, the start of my review may not seem so keen but if you do read it, it gets friendlier and more positive as it goes on.


I'll give you part two tomorrow, once I've finished the chapter. Good job on the first half though.

Part 1:
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Post by Caoimhe Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:07 pm

If Kips is happy, all is right with the world.
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Post by Vergil Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:50 pm

Spoiler:

The tl;dr of this is I think this is solid writing, but in my case my own anticipation killed it for me. Also I might be doing a little too much academic reading.

Hail Queen Whiskey!
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Post by Overthepacific Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:01 pm

I hate to be the one who has to throw the metaphorical wrench into the happy gears, but someone has to do it.

Negative opinions, Read at your own risk:

Damn, I did not mean to end up writing that much. I suppose tl;dr Im neutral on this chapter, wasnt bad, but wasnt particularly good either. Even saying that, it wasnt a chore to read through like some have been, and I even wanted to read through the memory orb part for once. So, its a step in the right direction I guess.


Last edited by Overthepacific on Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Vergil Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:04 pm

Huh. I actually completely forgot about the ship. I guess you can file that under my "I don't really care about the Society" comment.
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Post by Derpmind Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:13 pm

One of these days I'm gonna remember to to a running commentary. [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 16 1751538862 It just doesn't feel right for me to praise stuff without giving specifics, and going back through now to pick out parts to say stuff about would take me longer than it did to read. I've said I'm slow at writing, but I might as well try and explain it: The more thought I put into what I'm writing, the more my pace represents a glacier. I read stuff at a good pace and can parse speech twice as fast as Pinkie Pie's, but sometimes my writing goes about ten times slower than I talk. If anyone knows how to make essay-complicated writing not feel like squeezing my brain through a straw, I will owe you, like, something.

Anyways,
Back on topic:

One last thing, just wanna ask everyone a question:
Spoiler:
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