Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

[Guest]

I've been wracking my brain for a way to contribute and I got nothing, nearly everything has been said on the two topics.

I'd like to bring up laser and plasma weaponry. Is there a way to keep from being disintegrated aside from shiny metal, wards and energy shields? One of my OC's is a minotaur behemoth (nod to Fallout 3) and his role is damage tanking, it would really suck if he got glanced by a laser and turned to goo.

Yes! Luck. Being lucky helps. Alternatively, there's no reason that some sort of zebra fetish or charm or pony talisman couldn't stop it, or maybe part of minotaur's innate magic is sheer willpower allowing them to affect their physical form, mind over matter in a very brute force sort of way. The latter I just made up, it's not actually canon. But yeah, realistically speaking... plot armor, one way or another. That's how you keep him from getting disintegrated/melted. It exists for a reason.

[Ironmonger]

Some people like to abuse plot armor which makes me bellow at the top of my lungs politely declare "Hellfire, damnation and HERESYYYYYYY!!!" Just now I came up for a perk he could use, his armor gains shielding but he has eat a lot to keep it powered.

Epic win moment: A random brony adds me on facebook. I later learn that he just had to add me because of my Iron Warriors emblem. I freaking love meeting new people!

[Somber]

I'm having a major problem and I don't know what to do about it.

Two weeks ago I went on SSRI's for depression. I was feeling way too many triggers and too much on edge. The drugs helped. I didn't feel nearly as anxious as I had before.

I also haven't been able to write either.

Nada. zip. zero. I get to where I left off two weeks ago and just feel this gray blob and it scares me to death. From what I've read, this is typical of antidepressants... and I have no idea what I should do. It seems like life's shaping up to be a choice between making something people love and... nothing. I just don't know what to do any more. There isn't a lower dose of cymbalta I can go on. I'm at 30mg. So... I just don't know.

[Ironmonger]

Somber, take a break. Sometimes one runs into a no-win situation and you just gotta accept that. Not easy to accept I know. This next bit is a bit of a personal example: My living room (where my computer is) is so damn noisy all the time that I literally can't keep a train of thought and hear myself think, the end result being I can't write much and usually at all. Can't do anything till the computer gets moved. Similarity being that neither of us can write much if at all and there's the possibility that it's hopeless for now. Might have to wait it out.

[Ironmonger]

Could try talking to multiple doctors. Tad expensive yes but a single mind can't think of everything.

[Somber]

This isn't like that. It isn't wait X days and my writing will come back. It's take it for X days and don't be able to write for X days. It's also affecting my teaching... I haven't been able to plan anything creatively. For the last week I've been ripping off another teacher because I have no ideas for my own. It's very worrying. And I did. He was simply of the attitude that this was common and I'd get over it or not.

[Ametros]

I'm having a major problem and I don't know what to do about it.

Two weeks ago I went on SSRI's for depression. I was feeling way too many triggers and too much on edge. The drugs helped. I didn't feel nearly as anxious as I had before.

I also haven't been able to write either.

Nada. zip. zero. I get to where I left off two weeks ago and just feel this gray blob and it scares me to death. From what I've read, this is typical of antidepressants... and I have no idea what I should do. It seems like life's shaping up to be a choice between making something people love and... nothing. I just don't know what to do any more. There isn't a lower dose of cymbalta I can go on. I'm at 30mg. So... I just don't know.

Is the problem in regards to what's going to happen next, or how you're going to present what happens next? If you haven't tried doing so yet, perhaps talk to some people about where the story is going, and how/why, and get feedback from them to hopefully restart your creative flow? I'm not sure if you already do that or not, but if you're open to trying that, I volunteer some of my time (despite my dislike of spoiler content).

Regardless, I'm not of the mind of accosting you for being unable to finish this story - what joys and wonders (and sorrow) that I've already enjoyed has been freely given by you - by no means would I demand more. Ultimately it should be your own choice whether you want to drop the story or drop the pills, but I at least want to see if there's a way where you won't have to sacrifice one or the other if you'd rather not have to do so.

[Ironmonger]

Not at RANDOM. His doctor will know who to talk to for a good second opinion. Someone who specializes in something related. His doctor might even call other doctors to try and get a good grasp on who would be best able to help before making a recommendation.

But it's been two weeks since he last wrote... I don't think this problem is going away.

Of course not at random, that should go without saying. Admittedly the two weeks thing didn't click in my head. It seems like it won't go away but it could, I'm not sure we could rule out that it would just take a while, but you're right it could be something that isn't on a timer. (if I'm not making sense blame the fact I'm feeling a bit dense today)

I think I'll back out of this one for now, I don't think I can offer anything beyond what I've said.

[OneMoreDaySK]

This isn't like that. It isn't wait X days and my writing will come back. It's take it for X days and don't be able to write for X days. It's also affecting my teaching... I haven't been able to plan anything creatively. For the last week I've been ripping off another teacher because I have no ideas for my own. It's very worrying. And I did. He was simply of the attitude that this was common and I'd get over it or not.

As stated by others, try to talk with your doctor to possibly talk with other doctors. But whatever you do, just put Horizons on the backburner. It could be the pressures of the new job combined with the medication that's blocking your creative juices. Chat with people t'get feedback and see what happens then.

[Valikdu]

@Somber
Also, remember that all of us love you, look up to you and won't suddenly stop doing that if you take your time.

[WovenTales]

I don't have any suggestions for regaining any amount of creativity either (and since it is affecting your job, it is definitely a problem), but don't worry about us or the story. You haven't dropped us off in the middle of Hightower or anything; Blackjack is (more or less) resting, the only immediate mysteries are small ones, and there's no reason this can't be a break for us as well.

Unless I've misunderstood the timing, you've been writing this for about a year now. You have put over a million words into one story. You may not want to leave it, but you have certainly earned some time without worrying about it—and since you mentally can't write, you don't even have to feel guilty. Honestly!

So take all the time you need. Find a way to balance mental health and life (including monetary income), and once you're sure that both of those are secure—and only once you're sure—slowly reintroduce creative writing. I wouldn't even return to Project Horizons right away; start with something small, outside of Fo:E, and maybe even completely non-Pony if it helps. We can wait.

Even if this particular thread disintegrates (and if it does, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF! You can't solve this through willpower—or self-deprecation—alone), we'll return from whatever corners of the internet we find ourselves in. Once you do feel like you can start updating this again, we'll come back, as appreciative and as crazy as ever. But until then, you are the highest priority. Don't worry about us or the story. The only thing you're responsible for here is yourself.

[Ironmonger]

^What he said. I highly doubt that this thread will disintegrate however, we talk about enough stuff and get interrupted by Crazy Trains enough that we will be around for a loooong time.

[Icy Shake]

@Somber: I'm especially sorry to hear that this is harming your work as well; when you had said the choice was between making something people love and nothing, I didn't imagine the divergence was that extreme. Honestly, I don't know what to say; such is the nature of dilemmas. Insofar as information-gathering and seeking alternatives are possible, you may do well to pursue them. Otherwise, remember we're behind you, whatever you decide, and I'm sure that everyone else here is as pleased as I am to hear that your anxiety has improved.

I fear I can't offer anything else--I've never had that sort of reaction--but I want to be sure you know (though I'm sure I'm expressing this poorly) how much I care about you, the person, beyond you, the writer (to whatever extent they are separate, as you make it clear that the troubles of the latter distress the former--and as Woven Tales said better, the affect this has on your job is probably a more pressing concern, as we can wait indefinitely).

[WavemasterRyx]

I'm having a major problem and I don't know what to do about it.

Two weeks ago I went on SSRI's for depression. I was feeling way too many triggers and too much on edge. The drugs helped. I didn't feel nearly as anxious as I had before.

I also haven't been able to write either.

Nada. zip. zero. I get to where I left off two weeks ago and just feel this gray blob and it scares me to death. From what I've read, this is typical of antidepressants... and I have no idea what I should do. It seems like life's shaping up to be a choice between making something people love and... nothing. I just don't know what to do any more. There isn't a lower dose of cymbalta I can go on. I'm at 30mg. So... I just don't know.

Somber, foremost, please try not to worry about us. I know that's not easy, but I have to say it anyways...

I really hope that you can find something that can help you. You have all our thoughts and prayers with you, sir.

[Guest]

@Somber
:( I'm so sorry to hear that your meds are hitting you like that. It's great that they're cutting down on what they're supposed to, but if they're affecting not just your writing but your job, well, swicked's articulated it better than I could. Good luck, Somber. I hope that this ends up working out for you.

[Snipehamster]

I'm saddened to hear that you're having difficulties, Somber. As others have said, your personal health and real life concerns should always come before Project Horizons. If you need time to get a handle on things, I doubt that anyone here is going to deny you it.

If there's any way we can assist, please say so.

[Stringtheory]

@Somber
Also, remember that all of us love you, look up to you and won't suddenly stop doing that if you take your time.

This. We'll keep on rolling along on our crazy train made of internets, so don't worry about us. Just take some time and figure out your life and return to writing whenever you feel ready. *HUGS*
(quick we need a picture of somepony hugging Somber)

[OneMoreDaySK]

Guys, he can't even think of anything creative for his teaching job, so unless you are suggesting he just make peace with using others' work from now on (something I think he's implying he isn't that comfortable with, even if the person he's copying from seems to be) I don't see this as all that okay a thing. He can stop PH if he really doesn't feel like writing it anymore (as opposed to feeling incapable of writing it anymore), but the issue seems bigger than that.

Somber, I've had friends who've had similar problems with antidepressant meds. It's pointless to relay the individual instances, though, because they all end in the same way... they changed meds and dosages until they found something that worked. So other than that I can't give any other advice you haven't already heard regarding dealing with having depression... like getting enough sleep and etc., since I imagine teaching must be cutting into that.

Yeah I get that he needs creativity for his own classes, but aside from more consultation with doctors I'ven't got an idea how to help. Maybe start bouncing ideas not related to the story at us to get creative again? Sorry Somber.

[O. Hinds]

(quick we need a picture of somepony hugging Somber)

@Somber:
I've got a friend in medical school, but I'm afraid that that's the closest thing I can think of to something helpful. Don't worry about us or PH, though, and if you can think of anything that I can do to help, let me know. Good luck.

[Somber]

I think that my plan is to wait till after the election. That was one of my "triggers". Then I'll see about either cutting the dosage or weaning myself off it. I might be able to help if I get more exercise. Sign up to a gym or something and see if I can get a booster from something other than drugs.

[O. Hinds]

I think that my plan is to wait till after the election. That was one of my "triggers". Then I'll see about either cutting the dosage or weaning myself off it. I might be able to help if I get more exercise. Sign up to a gym or something and see if I can get a booster from something other than drugs.

...does that actually work? Google seems to indicate so, but I always have the most intense low feeling following working out.

I think that it varies from person to person.

[SilentCarto]

I'm having a major problem and I don't know what to do about it.

Two weeks ago I went on SSRI's for depression. I was feeling way too many triggers and too much on edge. The drugs helped. I didn't feel nearly as anxious as I had before.

I also haven't been able to write either.

I'm sorry to hear that, but as others said, I'd ask your doctor and also get a second opinion if necessary. I've heard of using two drugs together to get the same effect as a larger dose of one, or to counteract the side effects of one, but I don't know if that's applicable to your particular situation.

Regardless, internet hugs for Somber!

[Caoimhe]

Working out helps with EVERYTHING, seriously. Exercise is essential.

It's been said, but if your meds are affecting your work (your means of supporting yourself) and work ethic, you need to bring this up to your doctor and stress it. I'd def get a second opinion ASAP because that sounds awful.

I agree with the election, though. This shit is all bullshit and I can't fucking wait for it to be over. Combine it with seasonal mope or whatever they call it and it makes for one shitty cocktail of funk.

Be thankful you don't get PMS, too. :P

[SilentCarto]

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS INTERNET MEDICAL ADVISORS, YAY!

[RoboRed]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down, Somber. *hugs* I agree with what some of the others said about your medication. Take however long off you need from PH. Real life problems always come first.

And hey, Christmas break will be arriving soon, as well as post-election downtime like you mentioned, so maybe you'll have some time to calm down and clear your thoughts. We'll be here for you. Hope you're feeling better soon.

[Frost]

Given my personality, I think it best if I just stay silent here.

[Frost]

@Caoimhe
Eh, working out seriously just makes me feel awful for hours afterward. I really only do it for the health benefits, myself... I just imagine it'd be unbearable if I actually had depression on top of it all.

Odd, I always feel really good after working out. Of course, I don't deal with depression or anything, so I can't speak for you or for Somber

[Plasticube]

Take all the time you need to get better Somber :)

When I can't think of anything to draw I like to do something basic that doesn't require much thinking, like filling a piece of paper with freehand circles or a quick sketch of whatever is on my table, sometimes i get an idea while I'm doing this.

I don't know what the writing equivalent is(describe the weather maybe) but try something like that and see if it helps?

[CannonFodder]

Take all the time you need Somber.

The only real advice I have is to potentially talk to a psychologist as well. I don't know what is causing you to feel depressed. However if it's something in your life making you depressed or such they can help you. If it's physical then a doctor can help. My great grandma had died which devastated my grandma and the doctor pretty much shoved a ton of pills down her throat(metaphorically) and went, "yup you're fine now".

I know how you feel though. I've always tried to help people I know get through that even when I've been through it myself. The only real advice I have is to try and talk to your doctor again about possibly changing your prescription if or maybe consulting someone to help you and possibly talking to someone. It always feels good to talk to someone.

Sorry if I'm wrong, cause obviously I'm new. I'm just spitballing trying to help and giving advice from my own personal experiences with helping others through depression.

[CamoBadger]

@Somber

I'm really sorry you're feeling like that man, it sucks and I really wish I could help you out, but I don't know crap about that kind of depression.

Really all I can say is that if it helps, try making a list of 3 good things you experience everyday, and why those were good to you. It could be something as simple as the fact you're still alive, or that you ate some good food for lunch. I know it's helped a lot of people I know to do this, and it might be able to help you a little too.

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