Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains

[CamoBadger]

Thanks a bunch for the review Hinds!

Spoiler:

[O. Hinds]

Thanks a bunch for the review Hinds!

Spoiler:

You're welcome, and nice! Let me know if you'd like any advice on it.
Oh, and any thoughts on the map thing?

[CamoBadger]

((Oh, yeah. Sorry man, it's late. Yeah, that spot on the location looks great to me. Thanks a bunch on that one, and I'll definitely ask if I need advice on the rotorwing!

[O. Hinds]

((Oh, yeah. Sorry man, it's late. Yeah, that spot on the location looks great to me. Thanks a bunch on that one, and I'll definitely ask if I need advice on the rotorwing!

Very good; I think that I will go ahead and add New Oatleans.

[O. Hinds]

((Oh, yeah. Sorry man, it's late. Yeah, that spot on the location looks great to me. Thanks a bunch on that one, and I'll definitely ask if I need advice on the rotorwing!

Very good; I think that I will go ahead and add New Oatleans.

Actually, sorry, but I've just realized that I don't have enough data. What is the city's positional relationship to the river? I assume that it's in a rather low-lying and swampy coastal area, but I don't know whether to put it on the north or south bank.

[Regolit]

Hey! Awesome chapter! I suggest you to add more grimdark and violence in your story. And ofcourse more FAILURES. Especially, failures without Shayle's efforts . Or simply because of her stupidity. And make it, please, looks more forced. It's good for story. Let me assure you.
Can't wait next chapter!))))

[CamoBadger]

Actually, sorry, but I've just realized that I don't have enough data. What is the city's positional relationship to the river? I assume that it's in a rather low-lying and swampy coastal area, but I don't know whether to put it on the north or south bank.

Actually, both, with the river running through the middle of the city, if at all possible that is. Thanks again Hinds!

Hey! Awesome chapter! I suggest you to add more grimdark and violence in your story. And ofcourse more FAILURES. Especially, failures without Shayle's efforts . Or simply because of her stupidity. And make it, please, looks more forced. It's good for story. Let me assure you.
Can't wait next chapter!))))

Thanks Regolit!
Also, can't tell if serious, or pointing out excessive use of those things...

[Kippershy]

No, regolit is serious. He likes grimdark but feels that Shayle is disappointingly stupid and makes some seriously stupid mistakes, I do believe.

[CamoBadger]

Yeah, maybe I made her a bit too dumb...well shit...

[Orm]

Just finished reading your last chapter.

Yeah, maybe I made her a bit too dumb...well shit...

I don't think so.
She's not all that smart, but at least she has some idea of what she's doing most of the time.

minor spoilers:

So yeah, the chapter was great.

[Regolit]

===>I am sorry for my English===>
-Oh damn, ofcourse it's like a sarcasm. Story already contain such amount of grimdark and bad luck, what if 'someone' will add more, story will looks ridiculous.
-Shayle already looks much dumber than Silver Storm... Maybe not dumber, but naive like ...... (I cant swear here like on FimFiction isn't?)))
-Look on other 'true grimdark stories', innocent folks dying there. Yes. But not f....n pointless. It must create an emotional bond between reader and protagonist. (And it works. I hate remnants, and.. almost everything in your story already )))) But PROTAGONIST MUST BE LIKED. ALWAYS. No another way.
-You maybe hear something like 'nature of the hero is failure bla bla bla', this is bullshit. Nature of the hero is always success.
-Story must be INTRESTING and this is the only requirement.
-Trust between reader and writer. Imagine in new chapter of BB, someone catched CW and CS, then rape Cherry to death, and dismember her on eyes of Crimson. I know this will never happen. Because I trust kippy, and I know he understand consequences. Problem is, a lot of autors do not understand their responsibility to the reader, and start to play on the feelings of the reader. When it becomes obvious, people stop to empathize characters. To not be distressed. This is the main problem in writing 'dark' the story. Perhaps you have not seen such stories. But I do read ALL the FoE stories and saw attempts of people, not knowing how to write, to write a 'realistic' stories.
-Reader looking for feels and emotions, not to dip his head in a bucket of feces. "grimdark' providing most strong feels and emotions. And most deep bucket, if you do not know how to write it correctly. So everything depends on the writing skill. Here is fine line that separates a great story and sh.t.
-With time readers starting to love story and characters, and they will defend it, even from writer himself.

Oh what a lovely site) I so love Kippy's avatar)

[CamoBadger]

You can swear here if you wish, I do it quite a bit myself, so I can't say no without being a hypocrite.

And thanks for the wake up call. I was worried that I went a bit overboard on the dark, and it seems I have. Same with Shayle's being stupid.

So it looks like I've got to do a bit of thinking on how to fix this before I can continue. Thanks again Regolit, I'll keep this stuff in mind as I figure out how to keep going.

[O. Hinds]

Actually, sorry, but I've just realized that I don't have enough data. What is the city's positional relationship to the river? I assume that it's in a rather low-lying and swampy coastal area, but I don't know whether to put it on the north or south bank.

Actually, both, with the river running through the middle of the city, if at all possible that is. Thanks again Hinds!

No problem. I ought to have time to get this up later today, though an internet outage earlier has me behind.

[O. Hinds]

New Oatleans has been added. I decided to make the river meet the Sea of Equestria at a diagonal so that "the north bank" and "the east bank" can be said interchangeably; I thought that that might make it a bit easier for the map and story to not disagree in the future.

[CamoBadger]

Awesome! Thanks so much Hinds!

[O. Hinds]

Awesome! Thanks so much Hinds!

You're welcome; thank you for writing the story.

[Kippershy]

I'll get around to my reviews and reading next chapter soon. Got a lot of housework to smash through first and had other distractions prior. Sorry.

Also, I liked what Regolit had to say personally. I believe he made some good points (and that's not totally because he mentioned me in it, LOL. - okay, a little, but he still had good points.)

[Kippershy]

Going off memory here, so my review is going to be small and missing out stuff that it'd have if I'd written it as I went, sorry. I'll try do that when I get to reading chapter 6.
The reason I've been made to wait so long is distractions distractions being busy, distractions and blowing a stick of RAM on my PC on my day off.

Anyway, review!


I like how Shayle reluctantly went out of the house for the party, didn't drink because part of her would've still been frightened by her dad with his constant reminders about how not to touch his alcohol and not wanting to be like him, though I do wonder if she would've really passed up the chance for even a sip seeing as she was curious in the first chapter.

The fact that at the end of the night, she turned down the soldier and he accepted it was bizarre but good. He could've easily overpowered her and forced himself inside of her like her father used to do, and it would have made for a powerful statement about how weak Shayle really is in the world that surrounds her - it also would have got her questioning if killing her father and leaving was really ever worth it, which would have been interesting.
Still, to see him take it like a man and accept his misfortune was good.

The next day went well, nothing to really say. I'm curious about the thing that Seer was muttering about but I suppose it was just her way of calming herself so she could make a clean, precise shot without missing the vital target. You handled the fight scenes well, I think.

Moving on over to Shanty burning made me go "awwwh, hell no. I knew that was coming!!" simply because it had been important before, but I didn't expect it to be burnt so soon. That's something I'd expect more of a long term development from, but your choice is your own and I won't question that.

It was obvious to me that it had been Seer who made up the name the very moment she refused to go down into the village, knowing that was the true reason. She was scared of what was going to happen to her if they turned out to be down there.

Nice way of handling Lil Doc when she's first found. Young and impressionable, you did it well. Felix needing to be alone with her to convince her that it's not a case of "all zebras are evil" was good, it worked.
The fact that Charmer felt comfort in seeing Shayle put me sideways though, seeing as the two never were close.
Shayle wasn't around for long and she slaughtered some of the snakes along with her - without having the same kind of respect in her actions.
(Not to say Shayle was disrespectful, just that she wouldn't have had the same bond.)
So yeah, not criticising just mentioning that one.

The fact she was so badly burned is really, really nasty - but in the good way. I just hope you make it take her charisma right down to 2 unless she's around ghouls or something, whom would understand her plight being outcast by the "normals" (aka, smoothcoats) and retain her usual charisma, minus one or two points on lowered self confidence.

The fight with the Rottwood was good, but nothing in particular to say.

I do wonder if there was 'more to it' than simple sex between Seer and what's-his-name.
I'm obliged to believe that he was on the verge of physically forcing himself upon her and that she only gave in and accepted a hard fuck as willingly as she could muster lest she be hurt badly and then fucked all the same.

Lil Doc dying was powerful shit to Felix. I hope he takes a real blow from that in chapter six.

[CamoBadger]

Thanks a bunch for the review Kip!

I understand why you thought it would have been a good element to add with the soldier forcing himself on her like her father used to, and honestly that was the original plan, but I thought about it and having that happen would have done exactly what you said there, but that element couldn't quite show up yet. It will, and it will change her drastically, but for now she still needs some confidence, even if it is misplaced.

You're right, they were never close, but events of the following chapter might help to explain why she was glad to see Shayle.
And yes, she will have some issues with others with her injuries, as soon as the bandages come off that is.

You're right about it being 'more than just sex', but that's all I'll say for now.

Thanks again Kipper!

[Ketchup]

Spoiler:

Well, that was a good use of an hour. Good chapter.

[CamoBadger]

Thanks for the review Ketchup! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter ^-^

And I laughed my ass off when I read "LEROY..."

[Kippershy]

Finally getting to reading chapter seven, some way through it right now.
Haven't really got any comments thus far, though it's not bad.
Just a little past the first break part.


Good character development with the funeral speech of what happy memories Charmer has.

and the image of Charmer holding Felix is cute.

reading on...


GHOULS...
Ghouls galore..
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If you aren't satisfied with the job done, you can speak to one of the many attendants at the Tank Mercenary Group outpost located in Coltshire Commons or the headquarters in Four Ridges.
Remember! Ghouls be gone with Crimson Wings' Ghoul Removal Service!

(LOL I'm sorry! Ghouls...)

", but I suppose a mob of flesh-eating monsters had that effect on everyone."

-whispers- Crimson Wings' Ghoul Removal Services promises no-one takes one step back. Do or die!


How could Shayle be so stupid as to honestly believe for even a moment that Charmer would want to be left alone at a time like this?
Of course she doesn't want to be alone! Especially not in a place she only knows the name of!



Good chapter over-all.
Execution was good to see, I'm glad I'm not the only one who is willing to write that stuff. Blackjack and LP (Blackjack more-so) annoyed me so bad with the constant forgiveness.
Good chapter. Sorry I don't have much to say.

[CamoBadger]

Thanks Kipper!

I laughed super hard at that advertisement, thanks for that lol.

I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[Kippershy]

Hah, glad you aren't annoyed with that!
I had Crimson in my head SCREAMING at me while I was reading that; that he wanted to be in there and kicking ass.
So when he said that, I laughed and had to write it down.

(Yes... he's become something akin to a tulpa now, without actually being one.)

[CamoBadger]

Well, Chapter 8 is finally done and updated both here and on FiMFiction. As always, I did my absolute best to take all of the feedback I was given into account and apply it without messing up the story, and I really hope that it's getting better as opposed to worse.

I hope you guys still enjoy it, and thanks for reading!

[O. Hinds]

Spoiler:

[Plasticube]

So i sat down and finished All That Remains, i just have a few questions about the latest chapter.

Spoiler:

[CamoBadger]

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

So i sat down and finished All That Remains, i just have a few questions about the latest chapter.

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

[O. Hinds]

Spoiler:

Oh, glad I was able to help! Will you be posting a notification when the fix has been added?

I look forward to learning more.

Which post was that, and is there anything in particular that you'd like to know?
Based on what I know of the Remnant's operations in Hoofington, I think it makes sense that that would be where the most dedicated and skilled soldiers go.

[CamoBadger]

Spoiler:

Oh, glad I was able to help! Will you be posting a notification when the fix has been added?

I look forward to learning more.

Which post was that, and is there anything in particular that you'd like to know?
Based on what I know of the Remnant's operations in Hoofington, I think it makes sense that that would be where the most dedicated and skilled soldiers go.

Yup, it's been edited and should be good to go. It's not exactly a huge edit, just a few new sentences, but it at least hints at a river. For right now, it's a dried up bed where the river used to be, and even though it connects to the ocean and so should still be there, I'll be addressing that later.

Dunno, I think I'd like to know more about the city you mentioned, Masozi?
And yes, that's basically what I was going with for the Remnant (not that I have any decision in any of this since Somber created it, I just hope I don't mess up his idea of them ), that the Hoofington area is a high-profile mission where they send only their best and most loyal to operate. Those in New Oatleans are more of the 'regular' army as opposed to Lancer and the others up north, and so they don't seem as fanatical and, honestly, insane for the most part. Hopefully this doesn't break away from Somber's canon for the Remnant, because I've really been trying to stay within his description of them.

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