Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains

[Kippershy]

I'll probably be reading it tonight, just so you know.
If I don't however, it'll be tomorrow night or definitely Wednesday, since I have Wednesday off.

[CamoBadger]

Awesome, thanks Kipper

[O. Hinds]

Yup, it's been edited and should be good to go. It's not exactly a huge edit, just a few new sentences, but it at least hints at a river. For right now, it's a dried up bed where the river used to be, and even though it connects to the ocean and so should still be there, I'll be addressing that later.

Dunno, I think I'd like to know more about the city you mentioned, Masozi?
And yes, that's basically what I was going with for the Remnant (not that I have any decision in any of this since Somber created it, I just hope I don't mess up his idea of them ), that the Hoofington area is a high-profile mission where they send only their best and most loyal to operate. Those in New Oatleans are more of the 'regular' army as opposed to Lancer and the others up north, and so they don't seem as fanatical and, honestly, insane for the most part. Hopefully this doesn't break away from Somber's canon for the Remnant, because I've really been trying to stay within his description of them.

Do you mean that it's in now?
Oh, interesting. Will you also be addressing whatever happened upriver to stop the flow?

I'll make a note to write something about that for you later (though I'm not sure how much I'll have to say); at the moment, though, I'm a bit short on time and am using an internet connection that is having some difficulties.

Based on what I know of Somber's Remnant, you've not stepped on any hooves so far. Of course, there's a limit to what I know, but I think that you ought to be safe so long as you don't mention the leadership too specifically too much. Or take the timeline past PH; it's not really a spoiler that the Remnant haven't just dropped off the story's map, but, yeah, there's going to be more happening with them, and, given that Hoofington is their primary concentration at the moment, said events have a good chance to make ripples down the organization. Actually, what is the temporal relationship between ATR and PH?

[CamoBadger]

Yup, it's been edited and should be good to go. It's not exactly a huge edit, just a few new sentences, but it at least hints at a river. For right now, it's a dried up bed where the river used to be, and even though it connects to the ocean and so should still be there, I'll be addressing that later.

Dunno, I think I'd like to know more about the city you mentioned, Masozi?
And yes, that's basically what I was going with for the Remnant (not that I have any decision in any of this since Somber created it, I just hope I don't mess up his idea of them ), that the Hoofington area is a high-profile mission where they send only their best and most loyal to operate. Those in New Oatleans are more of the 'regular' army as opposed to Lancer and the others up north, and so they don't seem as fanatical and, honestly, insane for the most part. Hopefully this doesn't break away from Somber's canon for the Remnant, because I've really been trying to stay within his description of them.

Do you mean that it's in now?
Oh, interesting. Will you also be addressing whatever happened upriver to stop the flow?

I'll make a note to write something about that for you later (though I'm not sure how much I'll have to say); at the moment, though, I'm a bit short on time and am using an internet connection that is having some difficulties.

Based on what I know of Somber's Remnant, you've not stepped on any hooves so far. Of course, there's a limit to what I know, but I think that you ought to be safe so long as you don't mention the leadership too specifically too much. Or take the timeline past PH; it's not really a spoiler that the Remnant haven't just dropped off the story's map, but, yeah, there's going to be more happening with them, and, given that Hoofington is their primary concentration at the moment, said events have a good chance to make ripples down the organization. Actually, what is the temporal relationship between ATR and PH?

Yeah, I'll say what stopped it, but that won't be for a little while.

My story, for now, I'm just trying to keep behind where PH is in the timeline of FoE so that I don't overstep and then have everything I do crumble under something that happens in PH. Admittedly, I still haven't read past ch40 of PH, so I've really been using the wiki to try and keep up to date on Remnant things that have happened as well as the timeline, but I am out of the loop on many things. I'll be trying to catch up with my reading pretty quick here to avoid any problems, but for now I don't think I'm in too much trouble. As for a general timeline right now, I couldn't exactly say. What I know for sure is that it's after BJ has gone cyber, and before Sunshine and Rainbows, which is an event I'm really waiting for from PH (unless it's already happened and I'm just that far behind) because I imagine it will have a rather large effect on the Remnant. Just my personal belief, but I could be wrong.

[O. Hinds]

My story, for now, I'm just trying to keep behind where PH is in the timeline of FoE so that I don't overstep and then have everything I do crumble under something that happens in PH. Admittedly, I still haven't read past ch40 of PH, so I've really been using the wiki to try and keep up to date on Remnant things that have happened as well as the timeline, but I am out of the loop on many things. I'll be trying to catch up with my reading pretty quick here to avoid any problems, but for now I don't think I'm in too much trouble. As for a general timeline right now, I couldn't exactly say. What I know for sure is that it's after BJ has gone cyber, and before Sunshine and Rainbows, which is an event I'm really waiting for from PH (unless it's already happened and I'm just that far behind) because I imagine it will have a rather large effect on the Remnant. Just my personal belief, but I could be wrong.

Oh, wow. Sunshine and Rainbows hasn't happened yet, no, but there's been a lot more interaction with the Remnant. There's going to be more in the future, but I highly recommend that you get caught up; even if you don't have to change anything (as I said, I think that what you've written so far is fine, but I don't know what you're planning), it might inform your plans and/or inspire you.

[CamoBadger]

Yeah, I'll start working on that. I've got I think 2 weeks before school starts, so hopefully I can get caught up. I have heard a bit of what happens, like the stuff with Xanthe and Legate (I think that's his name...whatever the 'leader' is called) making it his personal mission to kill BJ.

[O. Hinds]

Right… Masozi (RZ Masozium second declension neuter, I think). Well, it started out as San Frantello, a city home to one of the largest naval bases in Equestria. I seem to recall that the other post talked about its history. Masozi today…
I imagine adobe construction to be prominent, along with recycled materials from old structures. Directly recycled structures are rare, though; the Miliozi prefer building new things to living in Equestria's corpse (indeed, the old city of San Frantello, at least on the peninsula and surrounding areas, has vanished, demolished for space, scavenged for materials, cleared to deny potential enemies cover, or some combination of the three). The city has a pretty high population density, and it's heavily fortified; guardposts, AAA, and SAM batteries are scattered throughout, and there's a sturdy wall between the urban peninsula and the mainland. Masozi is also a heavily industrial city (still in 0SR the Alliance's most important industrial center, though more and more industry is being built elsewhere) run off energy from petroleum shipped in still mostly from Elusive City. Local food production consists of ocean harvesting, aquaculture, and hydroponics; however, while the Miliozi mandate that Masozi be able to produce enough food to feed itself, much of the city's actual food supply is imported from farms in the expanding Alliance heartland.
I'm not sure what sort of public transportation the city has, if any, but I'm leaning towards elevated rail.
This is all not quite settled, but hopefully it gives you some idea of what the city's like.
…That's all that I can think of at the moment. Any questions?

[O. Hinds]

Yeah, I'll start working on that. I've got I think 2 weeks before school starts, so hopefully I can get caught up. I have heard a bit of what happens, like the stuff with Xanthe and Legate (I think that's his name...whatever the 'leader' is called) making it his personal mission to kill BJ.

Oh, one thing: Shujaa calls Xanthe's pronunciation terrible, so I'm thinking that the Remnant uses church latin pronunciation where it doesn't just use Pony.
Oh, and I just realized: if you haven't read past 40 yet, you've not seen my favorite part of PH (which is possibly pertinent to this discussion). To avoid spoilers, I'll just tell you to pay attention to the signage in Yellow River; once you've figured it out (or once you've stared at the thing in bafflement and wondered what I'm talking about), I can tell you my headcanon elaboration on it.

[CamoBadger]

Right… Masozi (RZ Masozium second declension neuter, I think). Well, it started out as San Frantello, a city home to one of the largest naval bases in Equestria. I seem to recall that the other post talked about its history. Masozi today…
I imagine adobe construction to be prominent, along with recycled materials from old structures. Directly recycled structures are rare, though; the Miliozi prefer building new things to living in Equestria's corpse (indeed, the old city of San Frantello, at least on the peninsula and surrounding areas, has vanished, demolished for space, scavenged for materials, cleared to deny potential enemies cover, or some combination of the three). The city has a pretty high population density, and it's heavily fortified; guardposts, AAA, and SAM batteries are scattered throughout, and there's a sturdy wall between the urban peninsula and the mainland. Masozi is also a heavily industrial city (still in 0SR the Alliance's most important industrial center, though more and more industry is being built elsewhere) run off energy from petroleum shipped in still mostly from Elusive City. Local food production consists of ocean harvesting, aquaculture, and hydroponics; however, while the Miliozi mandate that Masozi be able to produce enough food to feed itself, much of the city's actual food supply is imported from farms in the expanding Alliance heartland.
I'm not sure what sort of public transportation the city has, if any, but I'm leaning towards elevated rail.
This is all not quite settled, but hopefully it gives you some idea of what the city's like.
…That's all that I can think of at the moment. Any questions?

Hm...that's pretty interesting.
I remember you saying that Caesar's Stand seemed 'more free' than Masozi. I'm guessing it's under some sort of very strict law (martial law maybe)?

[O. Hinds]

Right… Masozi (RZ Masozium second declension neuter, I think). Well, it started out as San Frantello, a city home to one of the largest naval bases in Equestria. I seem to recall that the other post talked about its history. Masozi today…
I imagine adobe construction to be prominent, along with recycled materials from old structures. Directly recycled structures are rare, though; the Miliozi prefer building new things to living in Equestria's corpse (indeed, the old city of San Frantello, at least on the peninsula and surrounding areas, has vanished, demolished for space, scavenged for materials, cleared to deny potential enemies cover, or some combination of the three). The city has a pretty high population density, and it's heavily fortified; guardposts, AAA, and SAM batteries are scattered throughout, and there's a sturdy wall between the urban peninsula and the mainland. Masozi is also a heavily industrial city (still in 0SR the Alliance's most important industrial center, though more and more industry is being built elsewhere) run off energy from petroleum shipped in still mostly from Elusive City. Local food production consists of ocean harvesting, aquaculture, and hydroponics; however, while the Miliozi mandate that Masozi be able to produce enough food to feed itself, much of the city's actual food supply is imported from farms in the expanding Alliance heartland.
I'm not sure what sort of public transportation the city has, if any, but I'm leaning towards elevated rail.
This is all not quite settled, but hopefully it gives you some idea of what the city's like.
…That's all that I can think of at the moment. Any questions?

Hm...that's pretty interesting.
I remember you saying that Caesar's Stand seemed 'more free' than Masozi. I'm guessing it's under some sort of very strict law (martial law maybe)?

Ah, well, that's more about the Miliozi than about Masozi; it's just that Masozi is pretty much the only place larger than a ship that they get things entirely their own way (Alliance politics are dominated by the power struggle between the Miliozi and Elusive, and it can be argued that this unresolved conflict is to the Alliance's advantage. Both Elusive City and Masozi are completely under the control of one of the two, which means that, while very nice places to live if you're sufficiently in agreement with the reigning flavor of totalitarianism, if you aren't in such agreement... well, there's a reason why "totalitarianism" tends to have negative connotations in the modern world. Fortunately, the rest of the Alliance is much freer; though the members have their own laws, rules, customs, etc., these tend to be significantly less extreme, and the general balance of power serves as a moderating influence.).
In any case, if you're in Masozi, you're either a visitor, in which case you're in certain designated and guarded areas or constantly with an armed escort, or a member of the Miliozi. If you're a member of the Miliozi, you're in the military and on active duty. Unlike in the Principality of Gibhalter, which calls itself a military state but exempts foals and holds most of the population in an inactive reserve, the Miliozi have folded all the aspects of a civilization into their command structure, and all members of the Miliozi, whether guards, cooks, scouts, fisherbeings (while the Miliozi are almost entirely composed of zebras, it is possible for non-zebras to join or, in very rare cases, be born in), scientists, artists, etc., are expect to at any time from birth be ready to kill and/or die for Masozi and the Miliozi (though branding failure to do so as treason is in most cases left to the discretion of those working on the matter, so a newborn is almost certainly not going to be sent to the firing squad). Even students studying abroad are doing so under orders and technically on military missions, according to the Miliozi.
The system is not without benefits: in addition to allowing the Miliozi to survive their very high-pressure origins, it has made them, in conjunction with their and Alliance technology, into one of the most, and possibly actually the most, powerful military force(s) in the modern (~0SR) world. It also brings something of a mindset of equality to the Miliozi, and resources are distributed so that, even if there's a scarcity, no one is suffering significantly more than anyone else (barring extreme circumstances in which there's no possible way everyone can be supported on the resources available, but there are stockpiles to prevent such occurrences). A well-defined and strongly-enforced code of laws is also provided (in which corruption is classed as a particularly vile form of treason, partly due to ideology but mostly due to how much damage a corrupt individual in the wrong place in Miliozi command structure could do). They're against atrocities, state-sponsored terrorism, and violence against civilians in general unless absolutely necessary. The lack of freedom is also not quite as bad as it might be, as the command structure is open to suggestions and requests.
That said, those requests get deemed "not important enough relative to the needs of the Miliozi" and denied and you get legal orders (which can include such things as "stop composing symphonies and start mopping floors for a bit" and even "bear a foal with genetic material from this partner") you don't want to carry out? Tough; cope with it, try and leave the Miliozi legally (another benefit of the Alliance, as the Miliozi, if left to themselves, would make legal discharges almost impossible (and, of course, without the other Alliance members to go to, leaving the Miliozi would stand a good chance of just landing you somewhere worse)), or desert and hope that you're really go at running and hiding. They're opposed to violence against civilians, but they don't classify hypothetical resistance fighters as civilians. While that hasn't really come up yet, the Miliozi are the quickest Alliance member to suggest the use of military force when and obstacle to Alliance expansion presents itself; like the military of the GPE, they want recognition of their relevance to be as great as possible (though in part this tendency towards force also goes back to the Alliance's internal power struggle; a negotiated relationship probably means a relationship negotiated mostly with Elusive and therefore a greater increase to his power than that of the Miliozi, whereas a military occupation would be under primarily Miliozi control).

In short, the Miliozi are a benevolent (for a given definition of "benevolent"; they genuinely care for their members, but some people might find that care or, especially, the prices demanded for it, to be rather a lot less than pleasant) totalitarian military state.

...
Wow, that's a rather larger wall of text than I thought it would be. Hopefully it's not too incoherent or anything.

[CamoBadger]

That's actually really interesting, and I love the idea of it. I may not be too happy living under the Miliozi, but I think the idea is something very interesting for the FoE universe. I did find quite a few similarities to my portrayal of the Remnant, but like you said, there are points that make Caesar's Stand more 'free' than Masozi (mostly that civilians are allowed to live there).

Thanks for sharing, that was a really fun read.

[O. Hinds]

That's actually really interesting, and I love the idea of it. I may not be too happy living under the Miliozi, but I think the idea is something very interesting for the FoE universe. I did find quite a few similarities to my portrayal of the Remnant, but like you said, there are points that make Caesar's Stand more 'free' than Masozi (mostly that civilians are allowed to live there).

Thanks for sharing, that was a really fun read.

Glad you liked it!

Another thing that differentiates the two is the tactics they use. The Remnant has a much larger range of things that they're willing to do (which is quite understandable, given the differences in the goals and capabilities of the organizations). The Miliozi, for example (though of course the Miliozi wouldn't be operating in this area at this time), would have conquered rather than destroyed Shanty, only killing those who refused to surrender. At worst, if they decided that it wasn't practical to maintain Shanty, they would have relocated the remaining inhabitants and the things they wanted to take with them to somewhere more convenient before destroying the structures. The Remnant don't have the resources for that, though, and in any case have little interest in ruling pony settlements.


Oh, if you're curious about Elusive's preferred form of totalitarianism, it's basically freedom of action and speech greater than what a lot of western Earth countries have... coupled with monitoring of everything, everywhere (including the use of sophisticated analysis software to try and deduce thoughts and emotions for tone of voice, body movements, databanks, etc.) by a network AI who really can give full attention to every monitor at the same time and is ready to deploy armed security robots (possibly to just have a nice chat suggesting a better direction in life, but possibly also to deploy weaponry ordering that that direction be towards the local recycling tanks, in pieces) the moment anyone steps outside what rules there are. There's quite a lot that you're allowed to do, but say goodbye to privacy and any hope of getting away with something you aren't allowed to do (and, of course, which is which is determined by Elusive, who will take suggestions but will also add that fact that you made those suggestions to your file). Oh, and while Elusive prefers diplomacy and economic warfare to force of arms (there's a reason why it's called the Elusive Alliance, after all), he's even more openly expansionist than the Miliozi; the Miliozi just want as much of the world as is necessary to guarantee their safety and prosperity, but Elusive is after the whole thing as a minimum. Not bad for a machine originally designed to treat nobles with just the right amount of obsequiousness.

[CamoBadger]

Yeah, the tactics thing is something I couldn't remove even if I wanted to (which I don't). Seer may have said that not all Remnant want to burn ponies, but their overall doctrine states that ponies are all the enemy, and as such they overall don't mind killing ponies (even if they are civilians and children. A few may disagree, but Xion is in charge of those four and is loyal to his core for the Remnant beliefs). And yeah, they don't have the means to relocate ponies, or really the care to do it.

It's interesting to see the differences between Elusive and the Miliozi despite how close together they are (I think you mentioned Elusive is very close to Masozi). It looks like they have similar ways of ruling and keeping order, but when it comes to actual enforcement and military doctrine there appear to be distinct differences that are varied. The use of AI's in also quite interesting, since (if I understood that correctly) Elusive is the one to use those, while I would assume that the Miliozi just use an actual form of police/military to keep an eye on those under them/keep order.

Sorry if I am way off the mark, my brain isn't working well tonight.

[O. Hinds]

Yeah, the tactics thing is something I couldn't remove even if I wanted to (which I don't). Seer may have said that not all Remnant want to burn ponies, but their overall doctrine states that ponies are all the enemy, and as such they overall don't mind killing ponies (even if they are civilians and children. A few may disagree, but Xion is in charge of those four and is loyal to his core for the Remnant beliefs). And yeah, they don't have the means to relocate ponies, or really the care to do it.

It's interesting to see the differences between Elusive and the Miliozi despite how close together they are (I think you mentioned Elusive is very close to Masozi). It looks like they have similar ways of ruling and keeping order, but when it comes to actual enforcement and military doctrine there appear to be distinct differences that are varied. The use of AI's in also quite interesting, since (if I understood that correctly) Elusive is the one to use those, while I would assume that the Miliozi just use an actual form of police/military to keep an eye on those under them/keep order.

Sorry if I am way off the mark, my brain isn't working well tonight.

Their practice with these sorts of tactics would also be quite useful in total asymmetric warfare, I think (I've a friend who's really into this sort of thing, but he's still, as far as I know, working his way through the original FoE). This is important, since, as far as I know, that's the only sort they have the resources for against a large organized power. Even Red Eye could give them trouble in a standup fight, I think, the GPE could stop them from doing anything important, and the Alliance, if the GPE wasn't a problem, would steamroller them. Have the Remnant engaging in the sort of warfare they excel in, though (which they would be, since their lack of major industrial, agricultural, and, as far as I know, population centers to defend lets them choose their battles), and... well, Afghanistan comes to mind.

Actually, Masozi and Elusive City are over a thousand kilometers distant from each other (there's a rough alpha larger-area map in my DA scraps, though properly viewing it requires downloading it and preferably using something that can read Photoshop layers). Yes, the Miliozi use traditional methods, but you do seem to have gotten a bit confused beyond that (not a problem, though); Elusive is an AI. Also, the Miliozi don't really monitor things any more than would be expected, a far cry from Elusive's (at least in Elusive City) "everything, everywhere, all the time". Really, the styles of rulership of the Miliozi and Elusive aren't all that similar (as far as I can tell, though I'd be interested in hearing why you think that they are).

[CamoBadger]

Ah, yeah I misunderstood that stuff, sorry 'bout that.

And yes, I agree that the Remnant wouldn't exactly excel in actual warfare, and would need to resort to guerrilla warfare to make stand any true sense. This will prove important later in my story, since they're fighting the Steel Rangers in New Oatleans. There's a reason nobody goes there unless they absolutely have to, and that will become even more apparent as the story goes on and the methods of each side are shown.

[O. Hinds]

Ah, yeah I misunderstood that stuff, sorry 'bout that.

And yes, I agree that the Remnant wouldn't exactly excel in actual warfare, and would need to resort to guerrilla warfare to make stand any true sense. This will prove important later in my story, since they're fighting the Steel Rangers in New Oatleans. There's a reason nobody goes there unless they absolutely have to, and that will become even more apparent as the story goes on and the methods of each side are shown.

Ooh, I look forward to it! (And I might be able to use it to encourage that friend to read ATR once he finally gets through enough of the other stuff.)

I'm curious, though: you don't consider guerrilla warfare to be "actual warfare"? Why?

[CamoBadger]

Ah, yeah I misunderstood that stuff, sorry 'bout that.

And yes, I agree that the Remnant wouldn't exactly excel in actual warfare, and would need to resort to guerrilla warfare to make stand any true sense. This will prove important later in my story, since they're fighting the Steel Rangers in New Oatleans. There's a reason nobody goes there unless they absolutely have to, and that will become even more apparent as the story goes on and the methods of each side are shown.

Ooh, I look forward to it! (And I might be able to use it to encourage that friend to read ATR once he finally gets through enough of the other stuff.)

I'm curious, though: you don't consider guerrilla warfare to be "actual warfare"? Why?

I personally consider it to be the most effective form of warfare, but generally the idea of actual warfare is 'traditional' warfare: 2 big armies fighting each other openly. I wish that wasn't so, because looking back in history guerrilla tactics have dominated over traditional warfare countless times. True, traditional warfare can win out if you specifically try to counter guerrilla tactics, but one of the largest advantages is that generally you don't see it coming until it's too late. So yeah, I would consider it a more effective doctrine for the most part, but my brain still thinks of traditional doctrine as 'actual warfare'.

Now that I made that response way too long for the question; I hope that I can live up to the expectations you have!

[O. Hinds]

I personally consider it to be the most effective form of warfare, but generally the idea of actual warfare is 'traditional' warfare: 2 big armies fighting each other openly. I wish that wasn't so, because looking back in history guerrilla tactics have dominated over traditional warfare countless times. True, traditional warfare can win out if you specifically try to counter guerrilla tactics, but one of the largest advantages is that generally you don't see it coming until it's too late. So yeah, I would consider it a more effective doctrine for the most part, but my brain still thinks of traditional doctrine as 'actual warfare'.

Now that I made that response way too long for the question; I hope that I can live up to the expectations you have!

Ah, thanks. And don't worry about me; I find this rather interesting, but I'm probably not educated enough in it to spot small holes. My friend's the one you really need to worry about in that regard. :)

[Ketchup]

This 'review' will follow a different format than previous ones, I'll hope to make it more constructive and deeper than a little comment every few paragraphs.

Spoiler:

New format didn't really materialize, but it was a good read.

[CamoBadger]

Thanks Ketchup, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

@bold part: Thank you for pointing that out

@happiness: I'm working on getting more happy in, but another comment I received did enlighten me to the fact that I have more happy than I thought. It's more subtle, but the Caesar's Stand's bar seems to be a rather bright spot in the Wasteland. Happy drunk zebras, soldiers having a good time. Yeah, I didn't even think of those little things. Regardless, I'm working on making sure I make the happy parts actually happy no matter how short-lived they may be.

And yes, Big Butt will be okay.

[Kippershy]

Sorry for being so late camo. I began reading yesterday and enjoyed what i'd read so far but got pulled off reading by some friends. I'll finish reading tonight.

[CamoBadger]

It's all good, no hurry

[Kippershy]

Beginning reading, as promised.

Spoiler:

Anyway, good chapter. I enjoyed it.
Nothing in particular to say, sorry. Keep it up. Sorry I didn't read it until now.

[CamoBadger]

Beginning reading, as promised.

Spoiler:

Anyway, good chapter. I enjoyed it.
Nothing in particular to say, sorry. Keep it up. Sorry I didn't read it until now.

Thanks Kipper!

Spoiler:

I'm glad you liked it, and unfortunately I have to tell you I finished another chapter today Don't worry about reading it right away, it'll probably be quite a while before I get another one out, knowing me. I was on the motivation train this week so I pumped another out sooner than usual.

And don't worry about taking a while to read them. I'm just glad you're reading it at all, and have no problem waiting. It took me...a long time to get through yours after I said I would do it

[CamoBadger]

So yeah, new chapter has been added here as well as on FiMFiction. I know it's been less than a week since the last one, but like I said, I had motivation out the wazoo this week, so here it is.
I hope everyone enjoys it!

[Ketchup]

Will read tomorrow, at least that's the plan. Perhaps tonight.

[O. Hinds]

Spoiler:

[CamoBadger]

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Thanks for reading O. Hinds, I hope you enjoyed it

[Kippershy]

Yeah, but the difference between your story and my own is that my own is shit in a lot of ways, thought it is improving as I learn seeing as it is indeed my first story.

I'll try read it tonight, though if not I have tomorrow off so I'll do my best to fit it in then.


edit: Oh, another difference between yours and mine is that you have a pre-reading team. I don't. I do mine 100% solo before releasing, unless you count consulting Katarn from time to time with ideas, but he doesn't actually get to see anything from that current chapter (whichever one it is at the time) any earlier than anyone else.
After release I have a guy called Joey who likes to give me corrections on grammar / spelling, since I'll undoubtedly slip here and there, but it's been a lot less and less as of late. Only six instances in the last chapter (despite being 30k).

So yeah, there's another difference that I really probably should follow suit on but don't.

[CamoBadger]

My 'pre-reading team' is me PM'ing it to whoever wants to help after I finish lol (usually Scyto and Orm). Other than that, I get most of my edits from readers noticing that I messed stuff up.

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