Sister forumFallout Equestria: All That Remains
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Tue Apr 23, 2013 12:23 pm
Don't worry about it man.Kippershy wrote:she's gone offline for a week, stress related issues and wants to wind down.CamoBadger wrote:It looks like the funeral scene is the choice for the commission, I'll talk to the artist tomorrow.
however, yeah, leave her a message and she'll be back to you when she can.
if you need the link again, let me know.
also, sorry for having taken so long with reading the latest dude.
And I may need the link again, I lost it.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Tue Apr 23, 2013 12:29 pm
http://ofcatsandkings.tumblr.com/
Remember to mention me so she knows you're the one I sent in her direction, purely because. Heh.
edit: also, unrelated. Do you have steam, dude?
Remember to mention me so she knows you're the one I sent in her direction, purely because. Heh.
edit: also, unrelated. Do you have steam, dude?
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Tue Apr 23, 2013 12:33 pm
Will do! Thanks again!
Steam: Yeah, I just haven't actually logged in in forever. SHould be the same name that I use here.
Steam: Yeah, I just haven't actually logged in in forever. SHould be the same name that I use here.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Thu Apr 25, 2013 4:52 pm
New Chapter Update
I'm almost finished writing Chapter 14, I've got 1 or 2 sections left to do, and may be able to get it done today since I'm on the inspiration train right now, but we'll see.
It will be one of the longer chapters, and is already at 11,780 words even though I thought it would end up being around 9-10K.
Will update again when brushing and pre-reading begins.
I'm almost finished writing Chapter 14, I've got 1 or 2 sections left to do, and may be able to get it done today since I'm on the inspiration train right now, but we'll see.
It will be one of the longer chapters, and is already at 11,780 words even though I thought it would end up being around 9-10K.
Will update again when brushing and pre-reading begins.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Ketchup Thu Apr 25, 2013 5:28 pm
C'est tres bon.
Been looking forward to it, and I've felt like reading lately.
Been looking forward to it, and I've felt like reading lately.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Thu Apr 25, 2013 7:46 pm
Alright, chapter is in pre-reading/brushing. It should be out tonight, but if any big changes need to be made I'll have it tomorrow.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:04 pm
Chapter 14: A Job Well Done is up on both FiMFic and the Hub page. I hope everyone enjoys it!
Quick G-Doc Link
Quick G-Doc Link
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Ketchup Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:50 pm
I'm kinda... I dunno... loopy right now, but I thought I'd share thoughts all the same. More sporadic, it's a long chapter.
- Spoiler:
- As is usual, my chapter-entry orientation was rather quick. Left off with Seer being attacked by the expy-swampfolk-cultists and Felix (The name also means 'lucky' in Latin, as I learned from a Wikipedia excursion a while back.) being dropped from significant height into water.
Immediate thought upon Felix's discovery of the open door and the scream was that Tinker and Charmer had caught up with them.
That would've been bad. Very bad. Thankfully, it was fully errant.
A lot of thought after that, typical of the Felix perspective especially. Not bad, difficult to comment upon, however.
Charmer is correct that both Big Butt and Felix make similar plans.
I don't remember whether or not Tinker was a unicorn or not, but it occurs to me, as it has before, that knife fighting would be very difficult without magic.
...What hit Felix in the head? He never looked at it?
Tape recorders? Hmm, quite a simple way to fake a haunting. But why are they only on now?
And whatever they're doing with the doors is working well against the cautious Felix.
Interesting mutations. Drastic. Threatening.
Two down, one left, presumably the one that jumped on Seer. Now to see what happened there...
The whole place is set up for ambushes and surprise rather than static defence. Nasty.
The effect on Tinker isn't unexpected. The Wasteland is a pretty gruesome place when you get to the dank and dark.
Good on Charmer's initiative with the door, but the intricacies of the warehouse's trap systems got the best of them. Again I find myself thinking that it's a rather devastating psychological tool to set up a defence like that, both the inhabitants and the environment are trying to kill you.
The lack of lethal traps seems odd, though.
Alright, so the lack of firing priority on the helpless Tinker leads me to believe that the remaining mutant, assuming there is only one, had something else in mind for her. Apparently, the use of hypnotizing traps is preferable to lethal ones for whatever reason. Probably really evil ones.
Or, I'm giving it too much thought.
Ah, joyous reunion. However, Seer might not be in good condition, given Charmer's body language.
Daaamn... ceremonial execution... I was really starting to like Seer. This gives me some sad.
Now for the guilt. The 'what-ifs'. Truly an integral part of characters in Fo:E settings, it seems.
We did get some closure on Seer, though, not too many loose ends with her death... I learned just enough about her to actually care.
...Well done, puppeteer.
So... Charmer's next?
Don't answer that.
I have a feeling that we haven't seen the last of nightmare city just yet.
And back to Shayle. Felix is now just as important as she is, way I see it.
Solus, listening to music on his fancy zebra IPod? Snnrk.
Ack... mention of mother transformation... feels...
I wonder what she'd think about Shayle killing her father. Again, presuming she really is Shayle's mother.
Now I'm wondering what made her say she didn't want it, as I don't remember.
Still... iffy on Solus. Whatever his intentions are.
They are alone. Great time to ask the question but that's probably too easy.
How merry. Xion is artistic.
Wondering what relationship Seer had with Minx to get that information if nobody else knows.
Kinda heartwarming that Xion did that for Minx... gah, he's getting a character that isn't just an evil husk.
That's reinforcing, but still no mention of Felix.
A nice reunion, still enough space in the chapter for a stunning cliffhanger or sudden tragedy.
And thus, another reminder that death has costs and comes at the worst of times.
But normal life is a boring story. Something has to keep the story going and something bad is probably involved.
Likely the reason Minx didn't make another appearance, telling Xion and the Praetor that they were back.
A more permanent position? Thought: in the Scorpions? *shudder*
Well, those three positions are more mundane. Poor Seer, miss her already.
Xion probably left to be evil and kill them and say 'problem solved' or something, or practice his evil laugh in the mirror.
Half-joking.
'End of first book', huh? Ambitious. This probably sounds strange, but I think it's kind of crazy for me to think of someone both as a person and a writer. They're both you, and I don't truly know you personally. It's one of those things that I'd lay awake at night and think about. Yeah, me, a fifteen-year-old Canadian from across the continent. Crazy crazy crazy crazy.
Anyway...
Fourteen chapters, all excellent. You're doing very well in my eyes.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Fri Apr 26, 2013 12:10 am
Thanks Ketchup, I'm glad you liked it!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by O. Hinds Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:50 am
I found that another quite good chapter, but unfortunately I'm rather tired at the moment and have no more detailed commentary. Sorry.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:51 am
It's all good Hinds, thanks for reading!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Frost Fri Apr 26, 2013 9:17 am
This chapter, I like it. I don't think my commentary actually helps in any way, so....yeah. Good chappy
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:02 am
Camo, pls. Stahp making me feel bad for slow writing and stahp making me feel bad cos I probably won't read it tonight because I want to try get some writing done.
Mind you, if writing doesn't work out i'll read it tonight.
Mind you, if writing doesn't work out i'll read it tonight.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:05 pm
Thanks Frost, I'm glad you liked it 
Sorry Kipper...
Sorry Kipper...
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:47 pm
Bad Camo! Bad!
Don't be sorry for me messing around.
Don't be sorry for me messing around.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Ketchup Fri Apr 26, 2013 2:59 pm
Mmk, so, question:
Do you glean anything from the thought process reviews, provided you read them? Or, is there anything you'd rather me do instead?
I'm wondering whether I should keep writing them.
Do you glean anything from the thought process reviews, provided you read them? Or, is there anything you'd rather me do instead?
I'm wondering whether I should keep writing them.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Fri Apr 26, 2013 3:10 pm
From my own experience, his answer is most likely going to be yes, he does learn from them.
You get insight you never considered before through them.
You get insight you never considered before through them.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Fri Apr 26, 2013 5:08 pm
I definitely do.Ketchup wrote:Mmk, so, question:
Do you glean anything from the thought process reviews, provided you read them? Or, is there anything you'd rather me do instead?
I'm wondering whether I should keep writing them.
Things like what people think of when a character does something I pay attention to especially, because it helps me to see if I've been portraying the characters right.
Often they give me ideas of stuff I need to better explain and go deeper into later in the story as well, and they really help to show me what I need to work on as far as the world, characters, and events go.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Ketchup Fri Apr 26, 2013 5:23 pm
Well that's mostly the intention. Good. Thanks for answering.CamoBadger wrote:I definitely do.Ketchup wrote:Mmk, so, question:
Do you glean anything from the thought process reviews, provided you read them? Or, is there anything you'd rather me do instead?
I'm wondering whether I should keep writing them.
Things like what people think of when a character does something I pay attention to especially, because it helps me to see if I've been portraying the characters right.
Often they give me ideas of stuff I need to better explain and go deeper into later in the story as well, and they really help to show me what I need to work on as far as the world, characters, and events go.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Fri Apr 26, 2013 5:29 pm
No problem. Sorry it took so long to reply, I was out at lunch and looking for ammo.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Fri Apr 26, 2013 6:30 pm
Part 1 of 2.
- Spoiler:
- So, reading anyway despite having done no writing. Decided that I'd rather read. So yeah, here's the write-as-I-read review.
Icy water... New Oatleans... Felix. Okay, we're following Felix, eh? That's cool.
Have to say, I'm damn glad I encouraged you to adopt my style of having two different perspectives. It allows for a lot more to happen if you split them up, doesn't it?
Scream? I'm assuming Seer...Good internal debate here.. Crimson would have a #Crimsonlogic moment and charge in (although it helps that he can fly, lol) but Crimson is foolish... Felix is young, but smart. My bet is he'll see he stands no real chance going in alone, as much as he hates the idea.
This is some good tension, and I hope you don't mind the Crimson comment, lol. Just me trying to give you a little compliment (or your characters, at least.)
...Yeah, he's gonna be smarter than Crimson. As soon as I read the taunt, I immediately came to know he'll back down from it, for his own safety... but I may stand corrected.
Well, I knew he'd be smarter than that. Good boy.
I wonder if the griffin will play any part in helping out, perhaps?
What kind of danger? The deadly kind. lol, I like that.
Sounds like Charmer doesn't like the fact that Seer is stuck with the locals / has experience with how dangerous they can be.
Tinker is well handled here.
To the point where Charmer/Tinker are horrified and looking at something that just hit Felix.
First guess was Seers dead body, but no... second was a doll, possible still. Third and final would be the body that was there before.
I'm guessing it'll be a doll though, seeing as I reckon he wouldn't be hit on the head by a body he already knows of.
Let's find out then.... Doll. Knew it.
Almost said otherwise though, again, good suspension here, even when it is just a case of only half of a paragraph visible for a moment.
Nice to see that Charmers shotty to the face does a justified OHK. Not even muties deserve to survive a well placed shotty.
>inb4 raping Seer, hills have eyes style. hah.
Stupid mutie. I like how Charmer was all "fuck this shit, I'm no play thing. Fuck you."
So I take it these dolls are akin to soul jars, using ceremonial sacrifice to power their dark...powers?
Damn powerful sceme you got there. You definitely handled killing off your first MC damn well, damn well indeed.
Definitely not a Steelhooves moment.
Got to the bit where it swaps over to Shayle. Feeling sleepy and I don't want to insult your work by powering through another 6-7k just to have done so while unable to truly appreciate it.
So yeah, going to sleep now but I'll finish up the chapter tomorrow and post the second half of my review as I do.
Very enjoyable thus far. You've handled everything perfectly.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Fri Apr 26, 2013 6:35 pm
Thanks Kipper! I'm glad you're liking it so far
And no, Charmer don't play no damn games
And no, Charmer don't play no damn games
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:09 am
Look, I drew Shayle poorly again
- Spoiler:
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Ketchup Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:16 am
Its nice, you should feel good about it, maybe Tytan can color it.CamoBadger wrote:Look, I drew Shayle poorly again
- Spoiler:
And, I think she needs a hug.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by CamoBadger Sat Apr 27, 2013 2:23 am
Thanks.
And yes, I would hug her for so long.
And yes, I would hug her for so long.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:05 am
CamoBadger wrote:Look, I drew Shayle poorly again
- Spoiler:
That's actually really good, and definitely 1,000x better than anything I'm capable of.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:06 am
CamoBadger wrote:Thanks.
And yes, I would hug her for so long.
Yeah, well, you know what I have to say about that?
I'll throw Eos at you like Shining Armour would and steal Shayle for myself. LOL
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:41 am
Part two:
- Spoiler:
- Part two!
Just entering Shayle's perspective now...
Earbuds. I like that you've added a nice little thing like listening to music. It's those small moments that make the world you're writing feel that much more real.
Well Solus would stay because he has a crush on you, so he'd want to be somewhere near you to make sure you're fine. If fanon proves to be true, Minx is your mother and she knows it, so it's no wonder she'd want to be close either.
Silly mare.
Oh sheet. Shayle goes and has the same theory in the next sentence?
Well... my instinct tells me that it's now a red herring, though perhaps that's because I'm far too used to Project Horizons trying to throw us off the trail every time we think we know something.
Now, the fact she didn't mention a son could have been to try prevent Shayle from clocking it to be the case, IF that is the case that Minx is her mother. Again though, there's also the big chance that this is all a red herring and being focused on even more than it otherwise would have because of the headcanon some of us have made. It wouldn't surprise me to see you pull this from under our feet and go "Nope, sorry guys. Just made it so similar only to then tell Shayle LOLNOPE after getting her all worked up over the possibility."
Though it is a good point that it would some-way explain the fact she shot Lil'doc instead of Charmer, though that would also come down to the more important factors of zebras not wanting to shoot other zebras, doc being young and incapable of defending herself and Charmer being skilled in combat. It's a smart move to keep Charmer around for both the combat reasons and because of things like her burns anyway, allows for a bigger story to be told, though Minx wouldn't have considered this because in her head, her world is real.
...And then you go and do it again. I scroll down a little more and see in the very next paragraph, Shayle herself admits that it could just be chance. Don't get me wrong, it's very realistic that she does this and definitely good to have, I just mean it makes me feel like my point here was already considered and thus near useless.
"and only furhtered my fantasy about Minx being my mother." ...Oh, this is oh so mean. I'm definitely going to scrap my old head canon and say you're placing down a chekovs herring for us right here. You're going to keep feeding into this, perhaps over a multitude of chapters, perhaps you'll deal with it in a paragraph or two's time, but you'll turn around and be like: lolnope, coincidence. Sorry Shayle.
Oh goodie! Information on why she hates hydra... let's see where this comes from...
Hm... a part of me thinks Shayle is lying here, though she -could- have been thinking about alcohol or something more sinister like chloroform..[given her backstory] but I'm still willing to think she hates hydra for some reason and doesn't want to admit to it.
Shayle, I honestly don't think Solus is going to rape you -- but Camo? Thank you. I don't know if this is because I mentioned it to you, or if you would have done it anyway, but it's a damn good touch to add.
She's not going to be perfectly secure around someone like him, whose bigger, stronger, faster and definitely not while she's more vulnerable than ever. It's portrayed very well and I have to say it doesn't go to either end of the scales. Not too silly, but not forgotten either.
A history of rape should leave its mark without having to turn the victim into a shambling shell for the rest of their life, and you manage to strike that balance.
Yeah, about talking to Seer...
Why stay invisible? Because if you're invisible, you'll never be caught off guard by some stray raider/slaver/asshole who would take a potshot at you as they pass through.
It's not all about that though, perhaps she just feels she should be invisible because she doesn't like what she has to do to survive.
If it's anything like I think it is, she stays invisible because she feels guilty and wishes she wasn't around, wishes she hadn't had to do what she's done and being invisible is a physical manifestation of that desire.
"Yo dawg, I heard you like knives, so I made a knife with a knife so you could use a knife made from a knife."
[Anger intesnifies]
OKAY. Now my whole red herring theory is either the biggest trolling ever if it's right, or, much more likely now, she IS her mother.
Damn, straight skip to hugging Felix? I unfortunately do have to say, you missed out on the chance to have Shayle freak out at the fact Seer wasn't with them with this.
Would've been a classic case of "'see the group... wait.. where's _____?' '_____ died.' 'No.' 'Yes.'"
Hah, they've both nearly died and Felix doesn't want to hug his sister for all that long? Something I'd do.
Yeah, you're now adding the whole "Wait, three?" but unless she was waiting inside the shed, I still think she would've seen the trio on their approach and wondered where Seer was.
I mean, it's not the biggest problem in the world and yes you do acknowledge it with the fact Shayle herself realises she didn't notice... it could just be that she has silly perception of 3 or 4, but I still think she should have noticed beforehand, or at least made some kind of note but leaving a "So where's Seer?" until after the hug.
Don't take this as you fucked up bad or anything. Just something I personally feel could have been a little better if handled in a different order.
Daycare eh? You don't plan for any of the daycare attendees to try run away now, do you?
-whispers- You know what they do when they can't catch daycare workers....
Go for it Shayle. Being a town guard would be perfect for you, really. You know it.
Plus there's also that prophetic dream to consider, having Seer's rifle and all.
And chapter end. I definitely like how you've mentioned this is the end of the first major arc/book. Definitely feels right to say that this would be the end of the first major section and chapters after this are a different agenda.
All in all, a wonderful, fantastic chapter. Very much enjoyed it as always.
Seer's death was handled well, both at the time and in the outcome of it all.
Some nice backstory to things going on, like the locals using the hexed dolls and that, really gave a Point Lookout feel for the first time around this point, for me. (Which I know is something you was going for.)
Minx pretty much confirmed to be Shayle's mother, which I had expected but then threw myself off with being far too used to PH and considering other options.
The talk of Xion shooing out some zebra with his tail was funny, and very good to hear about hobbies other than killing.
And then there's Shayle being told she can have a job whenever she feels ready to take it.
Becoming a guard would effectively make the story draw to a close unless something like the town burning down in a revenge attack by Steel Rangers happened.
Saying that... that would be interesting and play into it all.
Steel Rangers burning down Caesars Stand because of how Shanty was burnt down.
Anyway, yeah. Damn good chapter. I liked it.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by O. Hinds Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:10 pm
@Kippershy:
- Spoiler:
- Kippershy wrote:Steel Rangers burning down Caesars Stand because of how Shanty was burnt down.
- Spoiler:
- Highly unlikely, I think. The Steel Rangers wouldn't care, and the Applejack's Rangers don't exist yet (and I was going to say "wouldn't burn a town down like that", but I'm not actually sure if the AR extend their increased kindness to zebras).
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Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains
by Kippershy Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:50 pm
O. Hinds wrote:@Kippershy:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- Highly unlikely? Sure. Possible? Definitely.
There's three reasons as to why they could want to, two of which are why they theoretically should.
-Caesars Stand is one of the prime locations where Remnant soldiers are housed. If you manage to storm the area with 20-30 fully suited rangers, you would likely win such an engagement. I mean, we've not heard the actual numbers in C.S and perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps they'd need more bodies... but my theory has it there's only somewhere around 100 - 150 in C.S altogether, with the vast majority of them being non combatants. Sure, most people are at least in some form taught in the art of self defence due to the wasteland, but to the point of being able to fight with a power armoured soldier?
You go in there and wipe out their barracks and you've done a decent blow to their fighting capability and stockpiles, in that respect.
-An eye for an eye. I know that Shanty wasn't all that much of an important town, otherwise it wouldn't have been a shanty town. Still, the sheer fact that the zebras not only went and burnt down Shanty, but they have now ALSO gone and assassinated a member of another pony settlement and had a firefight that cost them a good few of their guards. If that group was to be allied with the Steel Rangers, there's a pretty big reason right there alone. Even if they aren't allies, unless they're against each-other then there's still the saying: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
Mutual short term alliance to fuck someone up isn't unheard of or uncommon.
The Remnant just dealt two blows to pony settlements in the space of what, three or four days? Five or six pushing it?
That says to me that they're a true nuisance, a threat that needs stopping. If they were to be tracked back to C.S, which could happen by following any blood trails Shayle may have left behind -- or even with general intelligence on where these zebra are coming from, it would make a nice big target to try and cut the source of these attacks.
The Steel Rangers have the firepower they'd require and the other group have at least one functioning airship. I know that the Scorpions tried to assassinate the pilot, but what's to say there could only be one pilot or that it was even the pilot that they'd gotten in the first place? They were unsure on their information and the initial info turns out to be squat anyway.
It's very, very possible for it to happen in this respect.
-Lastly? All That Remains. It's a story about all that remains. We've seen Shayle lose two homes now, but what if she was to lose a third? She's lost her father and now she's found someone who we and she are sure is her mother, but what if she was to lose her too? Or worse, Felix?
What if at the end of the day, all that remains is a broken, burnt down town that she called home for a short while... no longer having any family? What if in the end, she's all that's left? All that remains?
Kippershy- Lord of Derail
- Posts : 3493
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