Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by The Truth Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:00 pm
Since it looks like this is actually happening, I guess I'll say this before everyone else starts.
I've been reading Horizons since the first few chapters were released and I've been occasionally lurking these threads to look for updates for maybe the past year. I stopped watching the show and started ignoring the MLP fandom pretty soon after Season 2 ended. The only thing that I continued with was reading the 10 or so ongoing fanfics that I had already started. One by one, they've ended over the months and years. Some were dropped by their authors and some were just never updated again without a word. Several ended successfully and happily. Project Horizons is (or was) the last one that I've been reading and has been for quite a long time. I've been reading and rereading this wonderful work for the 3 years since I last saw the show that it was based on, and I've been loving every word of it. Even as a stand-alone work, without the show, Horizons has still been a wonderful read.
Thank you Somber, for continuing with your writing for all this time.
Thank you to all of the editing team, for helping make Horizons as great as it has been.
It's been a good run and a pleasure watching this journey unfold these past few years.
I've been reading Horizons since the first few chapters were released and I've been occasionally lurking these threads to look for updates for maybe the past year. I stopped watching the show and started ignoring the MLP fandom pretty soon after Season 2 ended. The only thing that I continued with was reading the 10 or so ongoing fanfics that I had already started. One by one, they've ended over the months and years. Some were dropped by their authors and some were just never updated again without a word. Several ended successfully and happily. Project Horizons is (or was) the last one that I've been reading and has been for quite a long time. I've been reading and rereading this wonderful work for the 3 years since I last saw the show that it was based on, and I've been loving every word of it. Even as a stand-alone work, without the show, Horizons has still been a wonderful read.
Thank you Somber, for continuing with your writing for all this time.
Thank you to all of the editing team, for helping make Horizons as great as it has been.
It's been a good run and a pleasure watching this journey unfold these past few years.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:27 pm
Holy shit, this is actually it. I've kind of been in denial about this whole "ending" thing (to be perfectly honest, I've been a few chapters behind), but here we are, on the precipice of the last dance. Truth done snuck in and got to saying it first, but it's been a fantastic fucking ride. I'm going to miss you guys murdering my headcanons, my ships, and my heart.swicked wrote:Somber apparently promised reddit that we'd be releasing the final chapter and epilogue today so I thought it only fair to notify you all as well.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:43 pm
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 5 Somber11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f31/17/51/22/96/somber11.jpg)
Well, everyone… It’s out. 77. The final chapter, with the epilogue after it. I doubt that this is the end of work on PH; there will be typos found and fixed, almost certainly, there are a few edits Somber wants to make, and we hope to get it on FIMFiction. This is, however, the end of the story, over 1.6 million words resulting from over four years of work. We did it. It has been quite a ride. Kind of hard to believe that this is the last time I’m expecting to fly the Somber Signal... Though the Signal wasn’t there at the beginning, of course, when PH, was just another small, anonymous FoE sidefic in an EQD compilation post, less than ten chapters to its name. Only two chapters posted, when I first saw it, and certainly no dedicated comment thread; I left my error-spotting mixed in with posts about many other stories. Still, Somber saw them, and somehow, I’m not really clear on the details now, I ended up working with him in the document for Chapter 3. I do rather wonder how my life might have been different if I’d decided to spend that time reading some other new two-chapter story in the compilation. PH has gotten so, well, okay, not big exactly, since it’s still a niche within a niche within a niche, but hopefully you know what I mean. Speaking of that, thank you all very much for reading; without you, our readers, I doubt that we’d have lasted anywhere near this long. Some of you may have helped more than others, but I think every bit of positive or constructive feedback has probably helped. Anyway. The end of the story is here. I hope you enjoy it. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:51 pm
@The Truth:
wow; thank you for your thanks. :)
wow; thank you for your thanks. :)
Sorry. :)Scienza wrote:I'm going to miss you guys murdering my headcanons, my ships, and my heart.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:26 pm
O. Hinds wrote:
Well, everyone… It’s out. 77. The final chapter, with the epilogue after it. I doubt that this is the end of work on PH; there will be typos found and fixed, almost certainly, there are a few edits Somber wants to make, and we hope to get it on FIMFiction. This is, however, the end of the story, over 1.6 million words resulting from over four years of work. We did it. It has been quite a ride. Kind of hard to believe that this is the last time I’m expecting to fly the Somber Signal... Though the Signal wasn’t there at the beginning, of course, when PH, was just another small, anonymous FoE sidefic in an EQD compilation post, less than ten chapters to its name. Only two chapters posted, when I first saw it, and certainly no dedicated comment thread; I left my error-spotting mixed in with posts about many other stories. Still, Somber saw them, and somehow, I’m not really clear on the details now, I ended up working with him in the document for Chapter 3. I do rather wonder how my life might have been different if I’d decided to spend that time reading some other new two-chapter story in the compilation. PH has gotten so, well, okay, not big exactly, since it’s still a niche within a niche within a niche, but hopefully you know what I mean. Speaking of that, thank you all very much for reading; without you, our readers, I doubt that we’d have lasted anywhere near this long. Some of you may have helped more than others, but I think every bit of positive or constructive feedback has probably helped. Anyway. The end of the story is here. I hope you enjoy it. :)
I predict a late night for myself, especially since I don't know just when I'll be able to start.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Fri Aug 28, 2015 11:50 pm
Sorry. I might be greatly delayed getting to an error spotting post Saturday, if that helps.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:19 am
Welp, it's finally here...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:51 am
sigh... yup...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Sat Aug 29, 2015 2:18 am
swicked wrote:Somber apparently promised reddit that we'd be releasing the final chapter and epilogue today so I thought it only fair to notify you all as well.
Yeah, I found that out via The4thAggie. Who had his birthday a few days ago, he got very happy about it :D
So, yeah. Hype hype!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Sat Aug 29, 2015 3:31 am
O. Hinds wrote:
Well, everyone… It’s out. 77. The final chapter, with the epilogue after it. I doubt that this is the end of work on PH; there will be typos found and fixed, almost certainly, there are a few edits Somber wants to make, and we hope to get it on FIMFiction. This is, however, the end of the story, over 1.6 million words resulting from over four years of work. We did it. It has been quite a ride. Kind of hard to believe that this is the last time I’m expecting to fly the Somber Signal... Though the Signal wasn’t there at the beginning, of course, when PH, was just another small, anonymous FoE sidefic in an EQD compilation post, less than ten chapters to its name. Only two chapters posted, when I first saw it, and certainly no dedicated comment thread; I left my error-spotting mixed in with posts about many other stories. Still, Somber saw them, and somehow, I’m not really clear on the details now, I ended up working with him in the document for Chapter 3. I do rather wonder how my life might have been different if I’d decided to spend that time reading some other new two-chapter story in the compilation. PH has gotten so, well, okay, not big exactly, since it’s still a niche within a niche within a niche, but hopefully you know what I mean. Speaking of that, thank you all very much for reading; without you, our readers, I doubt that we’d have lasted anywhere near this long. Some of you may have helped more than others, but I think every bit of positive or constructive feedback has probably helped. Anyway. The end of the story is here. I hope you enjoy it. :)
Thank you very much for letting me go on this amazing ride with you on this story, it has been an amazing 8 months (since I started reading) seeing the last stages of the story come together. This fic is the greatest one that I have ever read and there were some bumpy bits in the story, but it always came through ^^
I wish everyone who was involved with this story good luck to the future :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:24 am
Congratulations, Somber. *hugs very gently*
And thank you. To you, to Hinds, and all the other editors for everything that you've been through to help create Project Horizons and all the ponies that I love so much.
Reading the Epilogue will have to come tomorrow, unfortunately... As a side note, Somber, sir, are you still planning to do the after-story questions on reddit, or may we ask questions here as well?
And thank you. To you, to Hinds, and all the other editors for everything that you've been through to help create Project Horizons and all the ponies that I love so much.
- Chapter 77 Commentary:
"We were nine." - First sentence and already deviating from the plan, heh. Since talismans are a limitation, I'm guessing that means she's including some attached souls or cyborgs...
Dusk is a bit surprising... but not too much. I wouldn't have taken her because of her needing to be there for her sisters, and because of what happened to Glory, but I suppose that could go the same for why she deserves a place. The power armor is certainly beneficial as well.
Interestingly unnamed mare at the control stand.
Ultra-Sentinels with mouths make me think of the Reaver Bots in the under the city part near the end of Mega Man Legends...
Highly armored Crumpets is a decent choice, and Lancer isn't bad either. Not surprised Pythia actually made the choice, as I said, her knowledge could definitely make a big difference, even if it's just being able to tell the direction to go.
Psalm is definitely surprising... I would have thought she would be needed more on the surface, and for trying to keep the Brood in check. I guess that's not as much of a concern if the world is going to end though...
“I didn’t bring you! You stowed away! I specifically said ‘no fillies or colts allowed’!” - Well then, nevermind what I said above.
Ah, and Aries. Doesn't seem like a bad choice either, more armor and very melty fire can be useful. And a good sense of humor, she seems nice.
"A wire wrapped around one of her forelegs like a strand of a spider's web, then tightened, cinching clean through the limb." - Thanks to a rather obscure manga, I know exactly what this looks like, a decent mixture of terror and nostalgia.
Sweetie Bot, well that explains how she was talking then. Not a bad choice either, though the recharge time really stinks.
"One, a dusty voice chuckled." - Definitely sad Lancer was the first, though it's not like losing any of the team wouldn't hurt, or that I actually thought they'd make it through without losing anyone.
The whole train chase sequence was very well done.
"How's serving the fallen stars working for you now, you moron?!" - Pythia continues to be amusing.
I was somewhat hoping Amadi would cooperate for once and die quickly so they could just keep going.
At least Whisper has a nice gun to use, for having to use one.
Oh, it was Aries, not Crumpets... still sad, even if she'd only just joined the party. I guess being a 'former' Steel Ranger doesn't make their odds any better when I like them.
And now Blackjack is all alone... For now I can say that's the saddest part of it. I'm sure it'll get worse. Or not alone. And definitely worse.
Admittedly the discussion of Blackjack's special talent with 'the Wasteland' really doesn't clear up anything. It makes the situation more depressing, and does it fairly well, but that's about all.
From how everything was going, I didn't think Glory's plan was still an option at all, I'm glad it is, and that she didn't go with trying to use EC-1101 to "save everyone".
"I was so worried after that terminal overloaded." "Duct Tape?" - Well now...
"Scotch said, brushing her mane out of her blue eyes." - Blue eyes again.
Ah, I was figuring it was some reaction from the Moonstone bullet, but an attack by the Eater makes sense too. And again with the second generator, as expected.
And so the third one is Happyhorn. A decent mix of nostalgia and being very unnerving.
The description of all of Blackjack's friends... feels nice, in a really odd way. Is the tinfoil pony supposed to be SteelHooves? Murky and Silver Storm maybe... The last two don't seem familiar at all though...
[After the fact: Ah, so it was a lucky guess on SH, and right about Murky. Wasteland Bouquet huh? Well I will certainly take a look at it when I can.]
"Borderline Personality Disorder, stemming from early abandonment. She also suffers from the delusion that others are fictitious parents of hers. It's a... rather unique take on the standard transient, stress-related psychotic features that we sometimes see in those clients" - Seems to be in a lighter gray color than the rest of the text, as I think I've seen mentioned in other chapters before.
"What is P-21's real name" - Ha. Ha. Ha. Suck it, Eater.
It's a very cinematic fight with the Eater, very fitting.
“Everypony I’ve cared about and loved is with me! You’re the one who is alone!” - The flashes of everyone during this part was really very touching, especially with Blackjack's attacks actually seeming to do some damage.
"You have a heart of moonstone." - I'd been wondering if there was something more to that than just Glory being sweet...
"And while I couldn’t raise or lower the whole moon..." "...I could raise a small piece of it." - Definitely an epic moment.
"But the souls lingered. Millions. Tens of millions." - I hadn't really cried yet reading the chapter, but this scene, and the three little mentions did make me tear up quite a bit. If nothing else, it's nice to know that at least they're free.
I'm going to wait on any further comments about the story as a whole until I've had a chance to finish the Epilogue, but I can say that this chapter seemed like a very appropriate ending to Project Horizons. It was epic, it was emotional, and if nothing else, I think you deserve praise for putting so much into this world, and actually managing to get through it and get it finished.
Reading the Epilogue will have to come tomorrow, unfortunately... As a side note, Somber, sir, are you still planning to do the after-story questions on reddit, or may we ask questions here as well?
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Here's what kkat wrote on FimFIc
by ILM126 Sat Aug 29, 2015 6:14 am
Somber wrote:sigh... yup...
Somber, 10 minutes ago Kkat posted a link to her(? his) blog post on FimFiction on the Fallout Equestria Reddit thread. And here's the link for you guys to read.
End of an Era - FiMFiction.Net
Kkat wrote:I had another blog planned for tonight, but that can wait until next week, because this weekend marks an event that has a profound significance to the Fallout: Equestria fan community, and deserves special recognition.
Somber's magnum opus, the epic Project Horizons, has reached its long-anticipated completion.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Sat Aug 29, 2015 6:26 am
The beast has been slain
The world is saved
The story... has ended
New ones are waiting to be told
I... need time to digest all of this
Somber, congratulations. You did it.
The editing team, good freaking job.
It's been a long ride, but now it's over. I guess it's when I say, screw you guys, imma build my own? *laugh*
This seems unreal.
The world is saved
The story... has ended
New ones are waiting to be told
I... need time to digest all of this
Somber, congratulations. You did it.
The editing team, good freaking job.
It's been a long ride, but now it's over. I guess it's when I say, screw you guys, imma build my own? *laugh*
This seems unreal.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Sat Aug 29, 2015 6:34 am
I just wish the bottle of whiskey I bought for chapter 33 and which accompanied me through some... significant moments of my life, wasn't at the other side of the country so I could toast to the end of Blackjack's tale.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sat Aug 29, 2015 7:37 am
@ILM126:
Thanks. :)
Thanks. :)
Thank you, and you're welcome. :)Ryx wrote:And thank you. To you, to Hinds, and all the other editors for everything that you've been through to help create Project Horizons and all the ponies that I love so much.
- Spoiler:
Sorry.Ryx wrote:I guess being a 'former' Steel Ranger doesn't make their odds any better when I like them.
And about that.Ryx wrote:Admittedly the discussion of Blackjack's special talent with 'the Wasteland' really doesn't clear up anything.
Thought we got all of those... Thanks. :)Ryx wrote:"Scotch said, brushing her mane out of her blue eyes." - Blue eyes again.
Aye.Rys wrote:Is the tinfoil pony supposed to be SteelHooves?
Well, the second one does start with an s. :)Ryx wrote:Murky and Silver Storm maybe...
I hope you enjoy it.Ryx wrote:Wasteland Bouquet huh? Well I will certainly take a look at it when I can.
Thanks.Ryx wrote:Seems to be in a lighter gray color than the rest of the text, as I think I've seen mentioned in other chapters before.
Wow; thanks for the link. I'll read that after I finish these replies.ILM126 wrote:Somber, 10 minutes ago Kkat posted a link to her(? his) blog post on FimFiction on the Fallout Equestria Reddit thread. And here's the link for you guys to read.
Thanks!Harmony wrote:The editing team, good freaking job.
I know...Harmony wrote:This seems unreal.
Ah, very sorry about that.Harmony wrote:I just wish the bottle of whiskey I bought for chapter 33 and which accompanied me through some... significant moments of my life, wasn't at the other side of the country so I could toast to the end of Blackjack's tale.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:19 am
/me hugs Ryx. I'm so glad that it finished well.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Epsilon Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:43 pm
Honestly, I am just thunderstruck by this ending. It hits that bittersweet note so well that I am simply left in awe of how well it was written. I might take exception to a few of the things that went down in the epilogue, but honestly this ending was about as suitable as it could get. It certainly has been a long ride; Regardless of how anyone might feel about this story, the fact that you guys stuck to this for four years straight is a fact worthy of recognition in and of itself.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go lie down and cry into my Blackjack plushie while this loops over and over...
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go lie down and cry into my Blackjack plushie while this loops over and over...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Katarn Sat Aug 29, 2015 4:58 pm
Wow...4 years. Never thought I'd stick here for that long. I wonder how many people I wouldn't meet if not for FoE and PH...hell. If not for MLP alone.
It was quite a ride.
I've enjoyed (almost) every bit of this whole story. Thank you Somber and editors crew for going for this long and delivering us this piece of art. I never was good on reviews, so I won't break my 'tradition' on not posting any.
It was quite a ride.
I've enjoyed (almost) every bit of this whole story. Thank you Somber and editors crew for going for this long and delivering us this piece of art. I never was good on reviews, so I won't break my 'tradition' on not posting any.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by decumos Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:08 pm
This is one of the best stories I've ever read. Not just in pony fiction, mind you.
Somber, you are a genius. Thank you for this masterpiece.
Somber, you are a genius. Thank you for this masterpiece.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:36 pm
@Seft Sirag:
For my part, you're welcome. Thank you for your thanks and for your compliments about the story. :)
@Epsilon:
Ah, good; I'm glad you liked it.
@Katarn:
You're welcome. :)
@decumos:
Thanks.
For my part, you're welcome. Thank you for your thanks and for your compliments about the story. :)
@Epsilon:
Ah, good; I'm glad you liked it.
@Katarn:
You're welcome. :)
@decumos:
Thanks.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by tylertoon2 Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:45 pm
I LOVE YOU SOMBER.
WHENS THE NEXT FIC COMING?
WHENS THE NEXT FIC COMING?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by tylertoon2 Sat Aug 29, 2015 5:50 pm
But seriously though. Somber you've given me more than just a piece of fiction, you've built a community with your writing. Brought me people I'd call my friends. Thank you very much for your effort through these years. I'd love to see you step away from Fan Fiction and give writing your own completely original story a shot. You've got the talent and team to do it.
Speaking of team. You guys, O.Hinds, Swicked, Bronode, any i've missed, are real troopers sticking like glue to Somber and helping this thing get written all for free. Phenomenal job to everyone.
Great Job guys. I can't wait to see what comes next.
Speaking of team. You guys, O.Hinds, Swicked, Bronode, any i've missed, are real troopers sticking like glue to Somber and helping this thing get written all for free. Phenomenal job to everyone.
Great Job guys. I can't wait to see what comes next.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Sat Aug 29, 2015 6:30 pm
Oh, boy. I'm a blob of emotions right now. We have come to the end and I am very, very, satisfied with the ending of this wonderful, captivating, and might I say beautiful story. I'm not really sure how to express myself at this moment in time but I am both happy and sad that Project Horizons has come to an end.
Somber, you are without a doubt one of the finest writers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and PH is fantastic. I hope and pray you find success with your wonderful stories wherever you may find it.
To O. Hinds, Bronode, swicked, Heartshine, Icy Shake, and even Snipehamster and Hidden Fortune. I thank you all for aiding Somber in moulding the story to its greatest potential.
And while yes, there are some things I would've preferred to happen differently like certain character deaths/fates, I am pleased with what I got.
Thanks for Goldenblood.
Thanks for Whisper.
Thanks for the Marauders.
Thanks for Boo.
Thanks for Scotch Tape.
Thanks for Lacunae.
Thanks for Rampage.
Thanks for Glory.
Thanks for P-21.
Thanks for Blackjack.
So, only Murky and Heroes left to reach their end.
Somber, you are without a doubt one of the finest writers I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and PH is fantastic. I hope and pray you find success with your wonderful stories wherever you may find it.
To O. Hinds, Bronode, swicked, Heartshine, Icy Shake, and even Snipehamster and Hidden Fortune. I thank you all for aiding Somber in moulding the story to its greatest potential.
And while yes, there are some things I would've preferred to happen differently like certain character deaths/fates, I am pleased with what I got.
Thanks for Goldenblood.
Thanks for Whisper.
Thanks for the Marauders.
Thanks for Boo.
Thanks for Scotch Tape.
Thanks for Lacunae.
Thanks for Rampage.
Thanks for Glory.
Thanks for P-21.
Thanks for Blackjack.
So, only Murky and Heroes left to reach their end.
Evilgidgit- Earth Pony
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sat Aug 29, 2015 7:14 pm
Okay, not done, but checking in because I just can't stop myself right now. Started about seven hours ago. I can't seem to go more than a few lines without feeling like I have something to say or look up. Hope the edits below aren't too repetitive of what others have, but I'm not reading any comments for obvious reasons. Anyway, needed to share one of my comments now.
Reentering radio silence.
- Spoiler:
- “How about...” He drew a pair of cards and held them up for me to see: the ace and queen of spades. “How about you tell me about how you got your cutie mark?”
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem. You pander you.
That's it, I'm leaving the fandom!
Why can't I stop talking?
- And the edits so far:
- It was tough to hear over the noise of the wheels, the wind, and the echoes, but fortunately my augmented hearing picked it up easily enough.
"tough to hear" doesn't really work with "easily enough". Maybe change to a remark about how it was mixed in with or competing with all the other noise?
”You’re supposed to be this tall to stop
inverted quotation mark
“or you’d be a pile of bloody goop.
missing closing quotation mark
Whisper shouted. The mechasprites seemed
only one space after period
their mouths working as they started to chew through the black-enamelled armor.
"enameled"
“For wha– Eeeee!” Whisper shrieked as a silvery blob exploded out of a vent, swirling like ink in water as it lunged towards her and Dusk. The latter shoved the former away, knocking her back over the railcar and leaving herself the sole meal. “Flame! Flame! Fucking flame already!” Whisper shouted. The mechasprites seemed to glue themselves to her armor, their mouths working as they started to chew through the black-enamelled armor.
I think this would be a bit clearer if the "her" before "armor" were replaced with "Dusk" since otherwise it's easy to attach it to Whisper, who was just speaking, rather than Dusk, which requires tracking through two actions made (and a line spoken) by Whisper, one of which already had both of them, as subject and object, represented by pronoun-ish things
"You okay?" the pony in a new suit of red
non-directional quotation marks
bits of mechasprite bouncing off her. "Still rare?"
non-directional quotation marks
wound. “Hold still. It’s a clean cut. If I’m quick enough...” The glow of magic flickered briefly.
editing-ish, maybe: That works too, though I wasn't aware of her having that kind of magic (post-Lacunae's death and having access through Unity, of course), especially given how she was so weak with magic herself (even if her body at least can do more powerful work now), almost like Littlepip without the levitation superpower, and if she did have it, she should probably have been helping with medical stuff in 99 during the battle, which would have somewhat weakened the case for it being super necessary (in general, as opposed to for Stronghoof specificaly) that she get in the fight. Also, might have been able to help Stronghoof directly.
“That’s why I left Bucklyn. Food sucked,” the pony said as she tossed the chunks of mandible aside.
suggest changing "the pony" to "Aries", or at least something that would distinguish her from pretty much everyone there but Lancer and Pythia (and ideally Crumpets, too)
The magic bulged as the train behind tried to overtake us, bending elasticity as she strained.
"elastically"
Let's see you swallow this,
non-directional apostrophe
The mare's horn erupted, hurling brilliant
non-directional apostrophe
More bolts drilled deeper and deeper into the train's body,
non-directional apostrophe
concrete floor of the tunnel. Robbed of its
only one space after period
expletive-riddled diatribes against Horse weren't
non-directional quotation mark
while the pillars gave us some cover, the monsterbots had a lot of miniguns hurl a lot of metal.
"hurling" or "to hurl", something like that?
Now wasn't the time to worry
non-directional apostrophe
the critters we'd left behind before were
non-directional apostrophe
It’s gatling beam gun began to sweep back and
"Its"
chin as he struggled to breathe. ”Stop him
inverted quotation mark
So," Pythia queried, "how’s that curse coming along, Maiden?
non-directional quotaton marks (apostrophe is okay)
Everything that had been in the Core and hadn’t been needed during for supporting and elevating the Eater had fallen down here.
should be "during [event/time]", or "during" should be deleted
the echos of countless groaning, broken structures and occasional snapping power line.
"echoes", suggest either "and the occasional snapping power line", "and occasionally snapping power lines", or "and occasional snapping power lines"
quickly as you can," I ordered. "Fan out and keep
non-directional quotation marks
a glance at Lancer's body lying in the corner
non-directional apostrophe
twisting the hoof's trajectory to send
non-directional apostrophe
I need you to make a hole.” I told Sweetie Bot, t
period should be comma
She looked at Aries, and the other ranger nodded once.
"ranger" should probably be capitalized
the wheels of were spinning and sending out sparks.
"wheels of [something]" or delete "of"
When Pythia offered a syringe of Hydra, though, she immediately waved it off with a furiously glare.
"furious glare"
making the ground shake. “You cannot defeat
only one space after period
they looked like a solid bar or bright flickering green.
"bar of bright"
The beam cut through the Legate's bulk like
non-directional apostrophe
Legate's grotesque form collapsed a
non-directional apostrophe
the synthetic pony's horn sputtering out
non-directional apostrophe
"Enough!" he roared as he raised his hoof, which still had more than enough integrity to crush us all to goop. "You die! Your friends die! Everything dies!"
non-directional quotation marks
“Persistent... Tenacious... fools!”
suggest treating that as one sentence, with only one space after first ellipsis and lowercase "Tenacious"
From far above, barely audible, Crumpets yelled out, "Got 'im!"
non-directional quotation marks and apostrophe
“I... Can... Not... Die...” the crackling behemoth wheezed as bits cascaded down upon me.
should have second space after first three ellipses
I struggled free into the air and teleported next to the hoof as it raised up.
"rose up"
“Wait.” I gaped at her. “You’re pregnant?!” I never would have-
should have second hyphen for dash (or dash)
Reentering radio silence.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:06 pm
So, I got one more reading-while-commenting track.
Besides all that, well, I don't know what to say. In some ways it hasn't hit me yet how... everything that was. So for now, I'll just say thank you. Thank you Somber, thank you editors, and thank you to everyone in our little (psychotic) pony community. On its own, Project Horizons is one of the best stories I'm every going to read. It's certainly, by a huge margin, the best longform epic I've ever read. But PH has been more than that to me. Four years is a long time, but none of us were reading alone. We've been commenting, joking, speculating, arguing, pondering, and sometimes just throwing a bit of a party. A lot has happened. Many who used to frequent posters haven't been around in forever, the forums really changed ever since we split off a general chat thread, and of course we've had new people show up in addition to those of us who've stuck around since the very start. And we all know there's always been a small crowd of lurkers hovering about. I can't really say I know what I should say about it all, except to say thank you. Thanks to the writing team for ruining commercial fiction for me forever, and thanks to everyone else for just being here and sharing the journey.
- It really was better than I could have hoped for:
- "Chapter 77: All In"
I don't think it's a bluff.
"I wondered if Twilight ever had to do anything like this."
You've got seven or eight more minutes than she usually did.
"Once upon a time, I’d gone into the earth."
Blackjack is an experienced extreme spelunker. (Innuendo goes here.) But seriously, the tunnels underneath Hoofington might be the most heavy-metal death dungeon I've ever read. It makes stuff like a Space Hulk raid or a DOOM level look super tame.
"Lancer hit the button at a hundred yards."
Baddass count: 1
"Magic reached out and caught the limb before it fell off the car, immediately returning it to the injured mare. “Shhh,” Psalm said as she touched her horn to the wound. “Hold still. It’s a clean cut. If I’m quick enough...” The glow of magic flickered briefly. “Did that work?” she asked calmly as she looked at the pegasus."
That's, well, that's creepy as hell.
"“Everything,” "Shoot everything!""
The shit is approaching the fan, sir.
""Aries lunged at the monster and rammed the tip of her flamer, and her head, into its mouth, her forehooves reaching around to clutch its jaws shut. The hound’s too-numerous eyes bulged and twitched, then smoked, then popped. The beast swelled and burst into blackened chunks of cooked meat. The red power armor smoked as Aries pulled back, the enamel pitted with hissing acid, but it was still intact. “Wooo-wee! If we had the time, that’s what I’d call good eating!”"
Baddass count: 2
"Then bright yellow lights glared brightly behind us, and I turned...
The monsters had trains of their own.
Three of them.
And they had mouths."
It's just like when that Ultra Sentinel chased the ol' gang down the tracks after they freed Discord! Only worse. And uglier.
"The flatcars they pulled were bristling with Ultra-Sentinel monsterbots."
Ah. Well.
"Sweetie Bot collapsed against the rail, her synthetic hide smoking around her brow. “Why the hell did Horse put that kind of firepower in a fuckbot?” Whisper demanded."
Baddass count: 3
"The train behind us kept going, too. Right into the side of the train that had been trying to get ahead of us. The locomotive rammed the car it hit off the other the track and straight into a support pillar on the other side, all three disintegrating in a cloud of razor sharp steel and jagged concrete. It took with it all but the locomotive and first two cars of the center train, the rest ending up lying off the track, sideways, smashed, or scattered. On our track, the first car behind the destroyed locomotive was blown back off the track, one end hitting a support pillar and the other scraping the wall. The far end of the one behind it slammed into the ceiling."
Baddass count: 4
"One, a dusty voice chuckled."
... Well. That was sooner than I expected.
"Ugh... I fucking hated this place..."
Hoofington loves you too, Blackjack.
"“So you’re saying that we should all die?” I snapped. Hadn’t I heard enough of this shit from Tom?
“I’m saying that you need to separate death from suffering.
She considered me soberly. “So, Maiden... Blackjack... what do you want more than anything?”"
What's even left, after it's all over?
"The red tunnels were supposed to be reinforced against any kind of enemy attack, which was likely the only reason they survived at all. Here, though, parts of the inner wall and ceiling had been gouged away, leaving gaps that opened out into the colossal pit the Eater had scraped during its ascension. Everything that had been in the Core and hadn’t been needed during for supporting and elevating the Eater had fallen down here. Slabs of building. Passenger trains. Skywagons. Cascades of mulched furniture of all kinds. Pipes and other rail lines, some jutting out from the walls and others piled amid the wreckage. Thousands of emergency lights gave the entire shaft a garish crimson glow. As a final decorative touch, the entire mess appeared as if a bloody slurry had been vomited all over it."
Scenery porn count: 1
"“Blackjack,” the Legate boomed as two enormous, milky eyes turned towards me. I knew he wasn’t blind. He had a few hundred more speckled all over his head and shoulders, like zits, to follow us with. He breathed low and deep, not just through his mouth but through countless slits in his chest. He lifted a limb the size of a ship and slammed it into the wall above us. “I knew you’d come,” he gurgled, the voice echoed by a chorus of lesser mouths on his hide, “Maiden.”"
Ah, well, this guy's way easier than the Eater. If it bleeds, we can kill it.
"I watched as Dusk disappeared into the Legate’s mass."
Damnit.
I can't really pause to quote something, there's just too much going on.
"Two, the dusty voice murmured."
Baddass count: 5?
"Then the Legate’s side exploded in rainbow light, and I paused. From where Whisper’d been shooting poked a black form: a suit of Enclave power armor."
Fucking hell! Baddass count: 6!
"The Legate slumped against the wall. “Persistent... Tenacious... fools!” he boomed."
And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
"Then, from high above the Legate came the thump of an explosion. Then another. Then a third, blasting out of a broken tunnel. The Legate twisted his head up and stared with an almost weary expression as a train, this one a string of industrial tankers, came rocketing out the broken tube."
Deus ex Train. :D
"From far above, barely audible, Crumpets yelled out, "Got 'im!""
Baddass count: 7
"A hoof struck her helmet, pushed through her visor, and out the back in an explosion of bone, brain, and metal.
And that’s three, the voice rasped.
Perched casually on her head, foot lodged in her brain, was the Legate."
Ok, legit question here: What the fuck?
"Then we heard it. The scream of Enervation changed. Focused. For a moment, all around us, came a slightly different modulation of the noise. It could be summed up in three words.
OH, DO I?"
Well, that's one way to eat your own words. Machina ex Deus.
"“Oh, fuck that,” Whisper snapped. She trotted right up to me and brought her hoof across my muzzle. “None of that ‘giving your shit up before you die’ shit. You’re going to live, understand?” she demanded as she glared at me. “Rampage isn’t here to smack that shit out of you, so I’ll do it. And when you’re back, I’m going to kick your cybernetic ass to show everypony who’s the baddest momma in the Hoof. Got it?”"
Baddass count: 8
"“You’re pregnant?!”"
Crazy mares, blowing shit up and making children.
"The beam lanced up, and the ceiling shattered. Girders, pipes, wires, wagons, trains, and concrete came cascading down in a deluge of ruin, filling the pit beneath me with the corpse of the city. Folly had cleared a path through the falling remains, though, and as they fell around me, none fell on me. I floated there in a void, the edges of the cavern invisible in dust, darkness, and rubble, green light surrounding me in a column descending from a hole like a great baleful eye. The junk overhead had resettled, but there was a way clear. It was just going to be a bit of a climb."
Raining destroyed city, with Blackjack standing in the eye. That's some kind of crazy beautiful. Scenery porn count: 2
"“Everypony has a cutie mark story. What’s yours?” he asked."
'Bout time, Dealer.
"“I won a round and got my cutie mark. End of story.” I finally made a gap I could get through, spotting a half dozen silver wires tautly strung in the space above. Good thing I hadn’t teleported. I used a bit of moonstone dust to vaporize them. “Even Cognitum said so. Victory was my special talent.”"
You're not very good at lying.
"“So you won,” the Dealer chuckled. “And all it cost you was a life.”"
That's not a special talent, that's a curse. Seriously, that's not a cutie mark, that's a curse! Whose ancient burial grounds did filly Go Fish kick over?
"“No? Well, who can tell for sure?” The Dealer took his hat off. “If I were anything... and I’m not saying I am... I’d call me the Wasteland.” And he gave me a little bow.
“The Wasteland?” I echoed as I stared at him.
“The desolation. The loss. The pain and sacrifice. I take you... all of you... and I make your lives living, bloody hell. I twist you. I tear you. I see what you’re all made of. How far you can go. Where, exactly, you break.” He showed cards of me after the Seahorse. Of me outside Maripony right before the bomb went off. Of Shadowbolt Tower dying. “And you... Blackjack... you’re a pony who should have fallen a hundred times over. I try, and I try, and I try... but I can’t quite get you.”
“I don’t die easily,” I retorted, eyes narrowing.
“I don’t have to kill you to get you,” he said with a laugh. “I get everyone sooner or later, though. Everyone. You think I’m some desolate landscape? I’m everywhere. In Elysium and Flank. In the skies of the Enclave and the depths of your stable. Everywhere there’s contempt, ambition, avarice, and callousness. I was here before the war, and I’ll be here no matter what ‘civilization’ pops up, because murder and corruption, hatred and intolerance... those never change.” He pressed a bony hoof to his chest. “And for some reason, people love me.”"
Scenery porn count: 3
"I hadn’t killed Hatches, but there was no doubt I had benefitted from her death... from so many deaths... The spring from which the river of blood flowed. “One last round, then time to cash out,” I croaked, then whispered, “Ante up.”"
Ante up.
"And in the middle: the Eater, sitting on its bed of silver wire. Directly above glowed the moon, and shining brilliantly bright... Tom. A luminous swarm of souls swirled in a hollow column in the middle of the ring. Thousands of souls. Millions. And more were being added as I watched, glowing trickles flowing into the mass."
Scenery porn count: 4
"Up close, the Eater’s two rows of silver spines no longer appeared uniform and unblemished. The central ring of the Tokomare was wrapped in rusty steel scaffolding and supports, and numerous beams and braces spanned the individual spines. The seemingly smooth surface was rough and mottled up close, with holes chewed clear through revealing green gemstones and lines of eldritch power that beat like a heart. Countless mechasprites, emerging from swollen hives of starmetal and tumorous flesh, were at work moving wires and cables around, chewing up deformed blobs of starmetal, and vomiting it forth to smooth out the spines they buzzed around."
Scenery porn count: 5
"And I had never taken the easy road. Ever."
Besides, this way, you get to blow shit up.
"I blinked rapidly as my vision returned, voices coming from far away. “Are you alright, Blackjack?” a mare asked as I felt myself in a familiar bed. I quickly took stock of her, an earth pony mare, olive green with a grayish mane, in Stable 99 barding. As I stared at her, she immediately smiled. “Oh, you are awake. I was so worried after that terminal overloaded. I can’t believe I was so careless.” I continued to stare, and she frowned. “Blackjack? Are you okay?”"
One last false reality? Oh, damnit, there aren't going to be more of these, are there? I feel like I miss them already.
"Bottlecap, Charity, Priest... Big Daddy and Doctor Triage... even the VC and Enclave. Rampage was the rude representative of the Reapers, and Morning Glory was with the Thunderhead ponies.
When she finished, I simply sat there.
Everything I’d gone through. Everything I’d been through... a dream?"
Oh gee, all those ponies ya listed really were just part of a whole big friendly wasteland, yeah?
"Would she have freed the stallions?
Not in a million years."
Truth hurts.
"I was used to running away into fantasy when life became unbearable."
She's not alone in that.
"But would my sister happily accept tearing zebra children from their families for indoctrination in Equestria?
No."
Uh, yeah, that kind of thing is wrong no matter how you put it.
"To my left, the riot shotgun fired a dozen rounds, flechettes tearing into fanged maws. To my right, Duty and Sacrifice blew meaty holes in the faces of the faceless. My sword swept to and fro before me, slicing neatly again and again into uncaring flesh. It made no difference. I could not defeat these enemies with bullets and blade alone. In desperation, I threw together my bullet spell with the shield thingy I’d attempted earlier, and a sphere of brilliant white energy exploded out from me. The bubble swelled, pushing the rising, abominable tide back long enough for me to take to the air."
Baddass count: 9
"Just like Cognitum.
Just like Dawn.
Just like Steel Rain.
Just like Sanguine.
Just like Deus."
EC-1101. Ancient key to a dead kingdom. In fiction, there's often the item of power, the secret way to do the impossible. Why are they so ubiquitous? Because these fictional things are representations of what so many real life villains seek, and the wrongs that are done in fiction to gain them reflect the wrongs that are done in the real world to try and grasp the unattainable. Something like that? I'm just scribbling this down quickly!
"“Oh, good, the drugs are working. We finally have lucidity,”"
That's /almost/ a title drop, heh.
"There’s some deep-seated fantasy in pining away for the death of the civilized world."
It's a surprisingly great setting for all kinds of stories.
"a dishwater-gray unicorn surrounded by heaps of paper, scribbling words furiously,"
Somber's problem is that he's dangerously sane. :P Unless that's supposed to be someone else?
"“You mean Pipsqueak? Where to begin?” Goldenblood actually grinned. “First there's her rampant substance abuse, which has led to permanent psychosis. Add that to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and delusional disorder with delusions of reference and persecution...""
I laughed a bunch at this one!
"“Come on. You can’t honestly tell me that his name is actually ‘P-21’. So tell me his real name.”"
Hey, we all wanna know too! Un-deadify him plz?
"Now I was standing in a restored Core, wearing the most ridiculous princess garb as thousands of Wastelanders all shouted their love and praise."
It's pink, isn't it?
"Like a colossal serpent, the silvery snake rose up, the spines now merging to form both bony ribs and batlike wings. The large lump I’d landed on earlier was now an immense dragonlike skull with baleful eyes of green death glaring straight at me. The fleshy ooze covered it, forming muscle and scale. Two clawed hands floated to either side of it, able to hold a dozen Blackjacks each. Three small, flat silver satellites orbited it, beaming fields of magic out in a triangular arrangement to catch Tom as he fell. But I couldn’t think about them now. All I could think of was the titanic thing before me."
Scenery porn count: 6
" “Sorry!” I shouted at it, a wild thrill running through me. “She’d never forgive me if I just gave up! I promised, after all.”"
Baddass count: 10
"“I HAVE WAITED EONS BEYOND MEASURE FOR MY RESTORATION. YOU SHALL NOT STOP ME, PITIFUL MORTAL!”"
You just called someone a mortal. That's a death warrant right there.
"“Talk talk talk,” I grumbled as I kept flying, trying to avoid getting sucked into the massive drafts that followed its immense bulk. “If you’re so powerful, I’d be dead already. I bet that it's taking a lot of energy to keep your corpse going.”"
Hee hee. Conversations with universal abominations is always fun!
" “Everypony I’ve cared about and loved is with me! You’re the one who is alone!”
“I NEED NO ONE! NOTHING!”"
You're losing it, Eater. You're losing the battle, you're losing the conversation, and you're losing your marbles.
"Then one hand seized me, five points piercing around my torso. The Eater lifted me up before its face. “I TOLD YOU, MY LITTLE PONY. FUTILE.”"
I was hoping that wouldn't happen.
"You have a heart of moonstone. That was what Glory had said."
Why is this so romantic?
"I could only imagine that somehow the departing spirit had prevented us all from being cooked."
I forgive you, Tom. Ya jerk.
So, I missed some scenery and baddass counts, but forget that. The ending here is truly beautiful.
Besides all that, well, I don't know what to say. In some ways it hasn't hit me yet how... everything that was. So for now, I'll just say thank you. Thank you Somber, thank you editors, and thank you to everyone in our little (psychotic) pony community. On its own, Project Horizons is one of the best stories I'm every going to read. It's certainly, by a huge margin, the best longform epic I've ever read. But PH has been more than that to me. Four years is a long time, but none of us were reading alone. We've been commenting, joking, speculating, arguing, pondering, and sometimes just throwing a bit of a party. A lot has happened. Many who used to frequent posters haven't been around in forever, the forums really changed ever since we split off a general chat thread, and of course we've had new people show up in addition to those of us who've stuck around since the very start. And we all know there's always been a small crowd of lurkers hovering about. I can't really say I know what I should say about it all, except to say thank you. Thanks to the writing team for ruining commercial fiction for me forever, and thanks to everyone else for just being here and sharing the journey.
Derpmind- Mindmaster Extraordinaire
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Bootleg Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:27 pm
This story has supplied constant inspiration throughout the last four years. On one hand I'm sad to see it end, but on the other I'm happy that it ended so well. From the bottom of my little heart; Thank you Somber, thank you Editing team, and thank you Blackjack. I look forward to your future projects.
Bootleg- Colt/Filly
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Defrak Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:34 pm
Had to make an account to say thank you, this story story got me through some really tough times, I feel in love with the characters and their tale. I will definitely be re-reading for years to come, and will never forget the joy, fear, anger and sadness I felt during the reading of Horizons.
Thank you Somber and thank you to all the editors, you pulled it off, and brought everyone along for the wild ride.
Thank you Somber and thank you to all the editors, you pulled it off, and brought everyone along for the wild ride.
Defrak- Blank Flank
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Sun Aug 30, 2015 12:13 am
*hugs back close* It did, sir.Somber wrote:/me hugs Ryx. I'm so glad that it finished well.
Thank you, Hinds, sir. I would offer you a hug or nuzzle, if you were interested in such things.O. Hinds wrote:Thank you, and you're welcome. :)
I'm glad you liked it. :)
- Replies to Hinds:
It's okay, really I meant it more as a joke than anything.Ryx wrote:I guess being a 'former' Steel Ranger doesn't make their odds any better when I like them.O. Hinds wrote:Sorry.
You're welcome, always glad when I can actually help.Ryx wrote:"Scotch said, brushing her mane out of her blue eyes." - Blue eyes again.O. Hinds wrote:Thought we got all of those... Thanks. :)
Ah, right, and it was a dishwater gray unicorn anyways... Considering I still had to look up Silver Storm's name to get it right, I'm not going to hold it against myself too much for forgetting her race too... though now I really have no idea who it might be.Ryx wrote:Murky and Silver Storm maybe...O. Hinds wrote:Well, the second one does start with an s. :)
Thank you, sir. Though after I read Pink Eyes, I think I'm going to take a break for some... lighter reading before I get into any other FoE stories.Ryx wrote:Wasteland Bouquet huh? Well I will certainly take a look at it when I can.O. Hinds wrote:I hope you enjoy it.
---
- Chapter 77 Commentary Addendum:
The spots during the fight with the Eater where she's pointing out how taking the easy way out would be just like each of the villains of the story were a nice touch.
Did the plan change at some point to knocking out all the shields? I thought Glory had told her just to take down the 3 alternating ones in order to focus the attack.
And I don't know why I didn't say it before, but poor Whisper and Dusk after the fight with Amadi... definitely ouch...
- Epilogue Commentary:
"First Citizen Boing" - Huh, well it seems like Boing at least has moved on with her life in a positive direction. Except for being a jerk.
I really feel sorry for Scotch, Majina and Pythia... I know what it's like to not belong anywhere, and to not matter at all. I want to hug all of them.
“You keep them on notecards?” - Yeah, Pythia is still adorable.
Really kinda sad we don't get to find out what happened with them though...
“Fifty years after the founding, the NCR tried annexing the Commonwealth, but the Lightbringer stepped in. Then a hundred years ago the Commonwealth started talking about forcing a regime change on the NCR." - So this is taking place a very long time after the story... I guess that makes it more interesting that Boing is still around. At least the griffons didn't take over in the wake of the Eater as Carrion had suggested, but it really doesn't seem as though things are really any better...
Baccarat and Bouillotte. They're nice names, and cute kids.
"I, at least, will go with dignity... although if I do go feral, I hope it will be in Carrot’s bedquarters. That is a stallion who deserves what little brains he has to be eaten." - And Hoity is still cute as well, in his own way.
“The griffin Invasion and dragon war really took their toll." - Spoke too soon again. So the Wasteland continues to be filled with disaster and strife, even when "the Wasteland" should be long gone, not surprising.
“The Brood are real, then?” “Oh yeah. They’re the protectors of the Hoof." "They’re not exactly crazy, but strange. They handle day to day policing and the like. The Reapers are sent in for big threats, and the Zodiacs for elusive criminals." - It is nice that the Brood were able to find a place in the world at least, even if it's not nearly as much of a "peaceful new life" to adjust to.
The entire scene with Whisper was very sweet and touching. At least Crumpets and Dusk were able to find some comfort in eachother, and Nocti is cute too.
"Tarot. Little Poker. Full House. 52 Pick up. Straight Flush. Aces. Royal Flush. Bridge. Heart. Gin Rummy. [s]Go Fish.[/s] Blackjack. Bouillotte. Beauty. Starshine. Astrolabe. Star Sparkle. Prominence. Twilight Shield. Night Watcher. Glimmershine." - Ah, so that's how the line ended up... and how we ended up focused on this group of ponies. Well hopefully Glimmershine will keep trying to do better.
"The cloaked mare approached, passing by five stones. The marble headstones, arranged in a semicircle around the entrance, all displayed in relief the ponies that had once been the Wasteland’s greatest heroes. They were simple, for what statuary could capture what they’d meant to the pony they’d meant most to?" - Touching, and very sad...
"Shut up, Blackjack!" - So she did survive and it wasn't just Grace and Whisper seeing things, huh.
Ah... so not a dream or hallucination, that was her waking up after the battle? A very long time ago indeed...
"Sorry. I wasn’t sure when the dramatic moment would be perfect." "Hi, Momma." - Well Boo's arrival certainly went far differently than I would have anticipated.
In a way, having her becoming the next Discord feels like she's been lost too, even if what she's doing is... mostly for the greater good.
"You want to bang?" "That... really... isn't part of a stakeout." - They do make a cute couple. Or did, I suppose.
"You mean, find her? On the moon? With only a few hours of energy left?" - I'm glad Blackjack didn't forget... and it /is/ Pip's special talent after all.
Really a very intense scene on the surface of the moon... and probably the only genuinely happy part of the ending. The feeling of how temporary Rampage's life will be compared to Blackjack's and how much it emphasizes Pip's loneliness definitely takes some away from it... but it's wonderful that she's going to get to finally have a life to live. I hope it gets to be a better one.
---
Now that it's over... I still think Project Horizons was a wonderful story, and will always remain one of my favorites.
It's not a happy ending at all, even calling it "bittersweet" might not be entirely accurate... but I do agree that it was a fitting way to end it. If Blackjack had died, she may have gotten to be with all her friends again, but it would have left Pip completely alone... and I don't think that's something she could have gotten though... along with so many other things that I'm sure would have gone worse. In the drastic opposite, if something had happened to bring everyone back to life (as great as that might be, since the characters /are/ the strongest aspect of the story), no matter how happy it might make some people, it would have ruined far too much of the credibility of the story. Keeping the harshness, the struggle against darkness... it's what the story needed.
So as much as the ending did hurt, I can still very honestly say that it was a "good" ending.
Of course, since it didn't happen, it means I could still use "bringing everyone back to life" safely as the plot for a "Project Horizons the Movie" story, heh.
In all seriousness though, I do think Scotch, Majina, and Pythia's journey would make for a decent "Project Horizons 2", if you ever chose to pursue it. As sad as that would end too, I'm sure.
---
Oh, I guess it was 4chan, not reddit, according to an image description, and you already finished with it... Well if you're bored and feel like answering anyways I'll just leave these here, if not, it's fine, sir.
- Post-story questions for Somber:
1) What were Buttercup's last words supposed to be in chapter 14? Blackjack never did read them, she just stopped at, "I wanted to say ", and I've really been wanting to know what they were ever since...
2) What is your picture of the Equus system? Is it just the planet, sun and moon, or are there any other planets out there?
3) If you actually had "real names" for P-21 and Hatches, what would they have been?
4) In the original idea where Boo was going to sacrifice herself after getting her cutie mark, what were you going to have it be?
5) How do you explain Whisper's taskforce at the end of 75 surviving the Enervation blast from point-blank range that nearly killed Scotch and Bastard in the upper atmosphere? I know they had to survive, because of Velvet and Xenith, but I was wondering if there was some rationale for it, since it wouldn't seem like they'd have had Moonstone protection going into that fight.
*hugs Somber one more time*
WavemasterRyx- Hydra
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Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 39
Location : Happyhorn Gardens
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Aug 30, 2015 2:07 am
Okay, short version of overall impression for 77:
- Spoiler:
- the underground tunnel part took a little too long to get there, and I have no idea whatsoever why it was playing coy about the driver, especially after knowing it wasn't Scotch. After that, everything just kept going at a great pace, but broken up with slower parts like the dream traps. On the whole, an excellent end to the story. Though there's at least the possibility that Blackjack was left in a realistic dream. I doubt that, however, because I just don't see the Eater being able (willing really) to humble itself by even admitting the possibility she should win in the real world enough to make a decent simulacrum of it. A wonderful end for Hoofington, for Luna, for Blackjack. Easy to follow. Focused. I've been giddy, happy for hours. Moved by the end. And what an end! It's hard to believe that the denouement for a 1.6 million word story would be about half a page (though I'm a little confused by the apparent presence of Gin Rummy's and P-21's souls there, even if I can imagine ways that could happen), but there was nothing else needed. And it was so simple! And beautiful, like the end of 33. And full of stars.
- Chapter 77 running thoughts:
- We were nine. Nine going into the deeps beneath Hoofington, facing monsters and abominations from the pits of madness and horror. Nine with one goal: to stop the Eater of Souls from destroying the world... inside thirty minutes.
Somber's remarked before on the importance of first pages, first paragraphs, first sentences. If this is reflective of the ending as a whole, it's going to be wonderful. This would actually very likely be a damn strong cold open for a short story or novella.
Also, nine feels like a reference to the Fellowship, but that's neither here nor there. Though there must be some small ones to have fit two to three more than the original estimate.
Okay, my original guesses of the people with Blackjack were, first, including her as one of the six, Whisper, Scotch, Psalm, Pythia, Bastard; then after further thought and based on Blackjack plus six, Whisper, Pythia, Rover, Lancer, Scotch, Xanthe. Let's see how I did with that.
Someone had hastily welded a cowcatcher of sorts to the front and sheet metal to the safety railing around the side of the car to offer some protection to those ponies who now dove down into the heart of darkness.
Okay, I just got a little smile over the coincidence of the cowcatcher coming up.
Once upon a time, I’d gone into the earth. My friends had suffered, and I had encountered an abomination of living machinery.
Now, one thing here is just how very on-character this line is, in Blackjack not even thinking about the fact that she suffered as well, even if not to the same extent as Scotch and Glory, and possibly more than at least some of P-21, Lacunae, or Rampage.
The world around us screamed, kept at bay by only the tiny little singing shards of hope most of us wore.
Gets the idea beautifully.
But no matter how fast we were going, Whisper would not be outdone by a mere car.
Okay, figured that might have been part of getting the extra numbers.
“Woo hoo!” Whisper shouted. “That’s four!”
I see what you did there.
Whisper, Dusk, Crumpets, Pythia
Two from both lists so far.
I'm interested in why "the mare" at the switch isn't being named. It seems likely to be Scotch given the job, but the dialog hasn't been obviously her, from the little of it I've seen so far. Might be her and Blackjack/Luna trying to emotionally distance herself from the fact that she put her young adopted-daughterish friend in this danger again.
Lancer
On the second.
“I didn’t bring you! You stowed away! I specifically said ‘no fillies or colts allowed’!” It had pained me to use that to deny Scotch Tape, but I couldn’t take her down here. Not after what I’d promised.
Okay, so I was wrong on Scotch. I get it though. And it's good to see the commentary on the statement, because of course she shouldn't feel great about using what amounts to a hurtful lie in order to keep Scotch safe.
”You’re supposed to be this tall to stop the apocalypse!”
Oh, PH. I'm going to miss your mix of humor and action/adventure. I'm glad I recently started This Platinum Crown, which does a similar thing.
She leaned over and marked an X on the map in red crayon before adding, “We’re almost halfway there!”
Livin' on a prayer! Just take my hand, we'll make it I sweeeaar! Oooo-oooh! Livin' on a prayer!
Echo had discovered that the hard way.
Holy shit, she's actually thinking about him again!
Aries. Did not expect her. Out of the Zodiacs, she does seem like a fine choice, though, and it is kind of nice to have a representative from them even if they'd been mostly absent from maybe the late middle of the second volume to around halfway through the last. Oh, hadn't commented on Crumpets, but I was thinking that she could work as a good substitute, story- and character-wise, for Psalm if she isn't there, since she's acted as a sort-of friend, and definite foil and motivation for her character development, while also being less vital to keep alive.
"You okay?" the pony in a new suit of red power armor shouted up, a few blackened bits of mechasprite bouncing off her. "Still rare?"
Mmmm, I'd probably want to still be tartare.
“This Burner blend is nasty. What kind of moron mixes an oxidizer with the fuel?”
“What kind of moron uses it?” I asked with a smile.
In fairness to Aries here, she's probably better protected than the Burner Boys tend to be.
Psalm. From my first roster, at least, even if I ended up figuring she might be left behind due to the Brood broadcaster issue.
“Pretty sure ol’ C.C. would have shit himself if he’d seen me just then.”
You bastard, leaving us new questions that will probably never be answered right at the end of things. :)
Possibilities from people we already know: Cupcake (unlikely), Crunchy Carrots (more likely),
The pegasi had started pulling back as soon as I shouted, but Dusk, slower in her armor, didn't quite get clear. A wire wrapped around one of her forelegs like a strand of a spider's web, then tightened, cinching clean through the limb. The end of her leg went flying as she crashed in a heap on the car’s floor, blood spurting from the wound.
Shit, man. Lucky it wasn't a wing. Well, looks like the deaths likely won't stop from keep happening, even in the likely situation Dusk survives this in particular. Depending on how much Hydra they brought (they did bring at least some, right?), she might even not end up down a leg.
“Shhh,” Psalm said as she touched her horn to the wound. “Hold still. It’s a clean cut. If I’m quick enough...” The glow of magic flickered briefly.
That works too, though I wasn't aware of her having that kind of magic (post-Lacunae's death and having access through Unity, of course), especially given how she was so weak with magic herself (even if her body at least can do more powerful work now), almost like Littlepip without the levitation superpower, and if she did have it, she should probably have been helping with medical stuff in 99 during the battle, which would have somewhat weakened the case for it being super necessary (in general, as opposed to for Stronghoof specificaly) that she get in the fight. Also, might have been able to help Stronghoof directly.
“This is it!” Pythia shouted. “The medial ring! We need to get to the far left set of tracks!”
Okay, is it just me, or was this wording done as a horsecock pun intentionally? Not that I'm complaining, especially since Hinds rained on the horsecock-shaped rockets parade. ;)
Dusk, her power armor patched with a strip of gray tape, took to the air again, and I landed back at the car’s rear.
You know what should be a thing that exists? Wonder-tape. Give just the surface the actual bonding like Wonderglue does, while being faster to apply and less likely to completely screw up. Maybe even be such that you could apply it, then pull it off and the tape is off and expended, but the fuse stays. In that case it would even be a great bandage alternative for surface skin cuts.
Other patches of biomass were forming five-legged wolflike beings that loped after us with mouths that ran half their body length, or swarms of flapping, gnashing insectile birds that tried to keep up with us.
Don't care for the combo of five-legged and wolflike, because I'm having trouble imagining a configuration where that really works well for running while sticking to a roughly wolflike shape. But then, seeming weird like that is probably part of the idea.
“Are you sure I can’t...” our driver asked again.
Still with the mystery here. Maybe it really is Scotch after all? Mare, unlikely to be a zebra. Presumably brings something special, hopefully as a character/story element rather than just a particular skill that's being obscured for now. If Scotch, though, stowaway? Math doesn't work out perfectly even there, as that would leave only five planned to be there, ex-fliers (or is Psalm flying too, which only increases that mismatch?). Would help to synthesize the vagueness of "the driver" with Blackjack having forbidden Scotch to come, at least in theory.
Okay, so roster so far: Blackjack, Whisper, Dusk, Lancer, Pythia, Crumpets, Psalm, Aries, driver. Think that should be everyone. At least partial credit on Whisper, Lancer, Pythia, Psalm, so at least half of the non-Blackjack, but then Whisper doesn't exactly count.
Then bright yellow lights glared brightly behind us, and I turned...
The monsters had trains of their own.
Three of them.
And they had mouths.
Sweet concept, and nice use of syntax for emphasis and suspense.
“Finally!” Sweetie Bot exclaimed as she left the controls, turned, and squeezed past me.
Okay, the voicing certainly works for her, even if I wouldn't say it was obvious since it had only been a few lines. Good fit for the enthusiasm, near disaster, and everything, but I don't really feel that being evasive about who she was added much here. I don't think there's anything about it that makes it feel like a twist, and it's too early for there to have been all that much of a feeling of payoff anyway if there had been one. I don't think there was any special connection that would motivate the ambiguity or Blackjack hiding her identity from us, and right now she's just doing something to get them through the tunnels.
Sweetie Bot collapsed against the rail, her synthetic hide smoking around her brow. “Why the hell did Horse put that kind of firepower in a fuckbot?” Whisper demanded.
“A question for the ages,” she answered gaily.
It really is. But at least this time she didn't include an awful pun.
“The previous imprint made extensive modifications. It could never get them working, though; million-word semi-coherent expletive-riddled diatribes against Horse weren't valid hardware registration files.
Okay, so was it original or not? But more importantly, I love that Cogsey did the program rant thing. It's so perfect.
It did try to erase my pleasure routines, but I still have all five hundred verses of the Zebra Sutra programmed and available on demand.”
“Whatever,” Whisper said with a shrug. “Do it to the other two.”
“Gladly,” Sweetie Bot said. “Recharging. One percent...” She paused for several seconds. “Two percent...” We stared at her, and she flushed, “Oh, no one complains when stallions have to take a few minutes afterwards!”
Okay, for a minute there I thought Whisper was telling her to do the Zebra Sutra stuff on the other two. (Blackjack and Crumpets, maybe?) Also, Sweetie, part of the staring might be because you didn't start recharging earlier.
One of them sprang through a gap in the pillars, bounded once, and snatched him up whole in his maw like a dog with a bone,
I think he'll be fine, classical burst out after being swallowed, injured by acid, all that
only his head and hindhooves sticking out from the sides as it began to thrash wildly about
Maybe that's not what's happening.
“I promise. Now drink, damn you!” I said, putting the mouth of the bottle into his, but it still just dribbled out the corner of his mouth. “Drink it you stupid, sexy stallion!”
Blacklance lives on! :D
(Also, makes me wish she'd tried putting it in her own mouth, then getting a good seal over his and trying to force it down his throat with her own breath or something.)
But he couldn’t. His eyes were glazed and unfocused as he crumpled in on himself.
And it's dead. :(
“Death isn’t a bad thing. Pain isn’t a bad thing either, really. It reminds you that you’re still alive.”
yeah, but I don't think she was really talking about all death, the context suggested violent premature death. And sorry, but come on, Pythia, is that really the best you have for pain?
“Do you want to die, Maiden?”
A question with an obvious answer.
Here, though, parts of the inner wall and ceiling had been gouged away, leaving gaps that opened out into the colossal pit the Eater had scraped during its ascension.
Well, colossaler. :)
“Blackjack,” the Legate boomed as two enormous, milky eyes turned towards me. I knew he wasn’t blind. He had a few hundred more speckled all over his head and shoulders, like zits, to follow us with. He breathed low and deep, not just through his mouth but through countless slits in his chest. He lifted a limb the size of a ship and slammed it into the wall above us. “I knew you’d come,” he gurgled, the voice echoed by a chorus of lesser mouths on his hide, “Maiden.”
Man, this description is awesome and frightening and nasty. Also, love the "ship" part.
He screamed like a thousand backed up sewer pipes bursting all at once and rammed his hoof at us.
I love that simile. Very evocative.
“Got any heavy metal tunes you could pull out of your ass, Sweetie Butt?”
Sweetie rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t exactly Horsie’s favorite genre, but I think I have one or two tracks.” I wasn’t sure where she kept her speakers, but wailing sirens started, followed by a heavy beat. “Goat music... Ramsomething or other.”
Fights are always better with a soundtrack. Though aren't rams sheep?
“If there’s any star out there that will help me, I’ll take it. Whatever games they want to play, I don’t care. I need to win here.”
Ooh. This promises to be good. Well, in a "dis gon b gud" sense. Likely not for Lunajack. Then again, it's not the first time she's called on the stars. Granted, her life continued to kind of be shit after that, but not the worst.
And instantly I was assaulted by his fleshy entrails. A hundred or more serpentine coils of viscera shot out in bloody streamers, roping over my wings and legs. They coiled around the hilt of the sword and yanked the blade short of the stone. Both the blade and I were pulled into the cavity, and it took all my telekinetic power to keep him from pulling the sword away from me entirely.
I've seen enough hentai . . . (Sorry.)
“Go!” Dusk shouted, and then she shot me in the chest with Pew-Pew. Luna’s armor absorbed the blow, but it still stung more than enough to break my grip.
Considering how awesome Pew-Pew has been, that's really impressive.
Then, though, she rose back to me, her hooves trailing smoke and dangling metal. “Shit,” she said in a disgusted tone. “His skull’s thicker than most I try to get through.”
Wow. Something suggesting they don't just have infinite ammo/etc. That's something that's been a bit missing so far, even given they'd surely stocked up big time.
Well, at this point I'm pretty sure Dusk is just dead, and will be convinced of that until something amazing happens or if Blackjack sees a (blue? I forget the current non-hostile bar color) bar in him.
I passed the healing potion to Pythia, and she quickly administered it to Psalm, then saw his gaze. Not on me. No.
On the slain zebra in the corner. Even with the impact, he rested slumped, as if he could be sleeping. “My boy...” the Legate muttered.
That's interesting and kind of unexpected. Maybe he wasn't quite as . . . genuine in some of what he expressed after all (surprise (sarcasm)). But hard to have much sympathy there, since he didn't feel that way about his wife or daughter, and he exiled Lancer and was trying to kill him earlier.
“Do not mistake this for compassion. I have buried legions of my children, and my children’s children. One learns not to get attached.” That cunning grin returned. “As you likely know by now.”
. . . “Maybe,” I yelled back, “but I’m a slow learner.”
Nice one-liner.
“It’s in his throat,” I said triumphantly. Now... how to get it out? I teleported next to his windpipe and made a horizontal slash, but he instantly brought a leg up to shield it before I could cut a hole big enough to find the portion of his soul.
Well, if it was on the inside of his throat, wouldn't it probably be too deep for the sword anyway?
As one, blade and jaws fell, the latter snapping shut on her wings with a wet crunch even as the former cleaved right through the stone.
Aw, fuck. I don't want her to die . . .
We shared a moment, just one, and then without hesitation I brought the sword around and severed her wings in one smooth slice.
Shit . . . D:
And they don't even really have the trees of life anymore, do they? Well, there was that one branch, I guess. Hydra? Please?
When Pythia offered a syringe of Hydra, though, she immediately waved it off with a furiously glare.
Yeah, gotta be bad for the baby.
Once again I was reduced to a quivering lump of augmented Princess.
Yeah, that's kind of a thing: she hasn't been very Luna-ish this chapter. Whether that's because she's in a Blackjack-situation or something else, both the narration and her speech seem to have been largely BJ, and there didn't seem to be any clear switchovers.
I had no idea what they were doing; for all I knew, they’d been buried alive in the avalanche. “We need to end this,” I said, pulling out Folly. “We only have fifteen minutes till Tom hits.”
Oh right, the time limit. That's been a really, really productive fifteen minutes.
“Wait,” Sweetie Bot said as she limped to the rear of the railcar, where the ridge of spark batteries crackled and popped. She looked them over. “Get ready to hit the stone in his gut,” she said to me, then turned at Pythia. “Tell me where to aim.”
“What are you doing?” I asked as she yanked out two sparking cables.
“Violating my warranty. No time for a shielded interface...” she replied.
Not Sweetie Bot!
Two, the dusty voice murmured.
Wait, is Dealer Classic back now/here for the first time as a true hallucination? If so, awesome! (Yes, I know this isn't the first one.)
I bodily shoved the masses aside, trying to push aside how they were forming wiggling fingers that started to clutch at my limbs, and pulled the stone free.
Okay, that actually got a bit of a chill and gross-out shiver out of me. I didn't know that could still happen with this story.
One good hit, and it exploded into powder.
They seem to be getting weaker.
Then the Legate’s side exploded in rainbow light, and I paused. From where Whisper’d been shooting poked a black form: a suit of Enclave power armor.
Sweet. I wasn't expecting that.
Then, from high above the Legate came the thump of an explosion. Then another. Then a third, blasting out of a broken tunnel. The Legate twisted his head up and stared with an almost weary expression as a train, this one a string of industrial tankers, came rocketing out the broken tube. He struggled to raise his enormous hoof to block, but one tanker after the next smashed right into his face. Psalm grabbed Sweetie Bot, Lancer, and Pythia with her magic and took off, and I pulled up the pegasi as the wreckage continued past the ruin of his head to land around his body. The tankers burst open and covered him with pungent liquid, and flatbed cars sliced into him like immense blunt knives; then the fluids burst into flames, setting him howling, and then a pair of coupled locomotives shot out and smashed into his head like a thunderbolt. The whole thing came apart like a melon, leaving only a screaming mouth and a massive mound of gray meat sitting in a bowl of shattered bone.
Bad. Ass.
“Blackjack!” shouted Crumpets from the shore. I looked over and saw the battered armored pony holding the stone in her hoof. She whirled and bucked it straight to me. My fingers popped out, and I caught it.
She disappeared beneath the Legate’s hoof.
No! Crumpets was so great!
“Well, at least he’s finally done,” Aries said as she looked up at the corpse. A dry chuckle sounded in my mind.
A hoof struck her helmet, pushed through her visor, and out the back in an explosion of bone, brain, and metal.
And that’s three, the voice rasped.
And that's one like Steelhooves's death, too. Damn.
Perched casually on her head, foot lodged in her brain, was the Legate. Not the enormous monstrosity. He’d reverted to his old size, but now he reminded me of Dawn. His coat was a silvery synthetic fused with pale hide, striped with glowing green lines of energy.
Wat. Why?
Is this, at long last, his final form? I mean fuck, but why is he getting seemingly more powerful each time? Curse you, JRPG logic!
“Oh come ON!” I shouted as I spotted him standing on top of his own body.
Not Sweetie Bot, but then again the intonation is different here anyway.
“You idiot! What makes you think that the Eater will even need you after it’s restored?” I challenged, and his smirk disappeared. “That’s right. You’re worthless to the Eater once it’s back on its feet again!”
“The Eater of Souls needs me!” he insisted, his flaring, flickering eyes narrowing.
Okay, I was laughing out loud here. Chump. What a maroon!
“Always! I was the one who could hear its dying whispers! I was the only one who would listen to its call. It needed me to get my own wretched tribe to resurrect it! It needed me to use your people to raise it! It needs me now to forestall you just a few minutes more!”
Okay, but you see, those thing are in what smart people call "the past."
(Or in the case of the last one, will be in a few minutes.)
“Oh! So that’s what it meant! Huh!” She folded up the paper. “Well, that made the whole trip worth it for me.”
What what meant?
“The Star Maiden is she who is born from the cursed soil of the damned city. She will be flesh and steel, touched by the stars and chosen as their champion. Where she travels, chaos and strife will follow,” Xanthe said as she trotted in our wake. Why, I couldn’t imagine. “It is she who shall bear evil from the ground, usher in the final days of the world, snuff out the sun forever and call down the moon. She shall summon storms, unleash plague, command unholy fire, destroy all in her path and all who follow in her wake. Female shall desire female, male shall desire male, and unholy coupling between the species will commence where she travels.”
“Only the Maiden is able to kill him. Breaking the heart will just get rid of his restoration. He’ll be perfectly mortal after that, and it’ll be in the Maiden’s hooves.”
She carries the soul of the true Maiden within her, and without that, you cannot defeat the Eater of Souls. This world is done!”
Is it this: “Atropos, the signs don’t make any sense. This may not be the Maiden, but Nibiru is going nuts here! I don’t know who she is, but she’s not a nopony.”?
“You’re thinking of sending us away while you go on alone,” the purple alicorn said serenely.
NO ONE COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
“What? Fuck no!” Whisper said as she leapt to her hooves, then came crashing back down again. She glared over her shoulders at the tied-off stubs of her wings. “I hate gravity,”
She's turning into Blackjack!
My PipBuck's rad counter kicked up its staccato chatter as she cracked the case, bursting to a wild crescendo when she poured the glowing fluid inside all over herself. The clicking diminished a little as she shivered and groaned. “Oh yes... this should give me enough oomph to get out.”
And if I remember correctly, get off. Which makes the fact she just covered herself in white liquid all the better. You were having fun with this chapter, weren't you?
I looked at the maimed, the burnt, and the crushed, and then to Pythia. “Coming?”
The filly flushed. “There’s a difference between being in the front row and being on the field. I saw the traitor undone by his own words. Thanks, though.”
Maybe Pythia was thinking along the same lines. Or, of course, it could just be at perceived cowardice.
“I called in whatever favors I could. You’ve got a lot riding on this. Don’t screw it up.”
“What’s it going to cost me?” I asked.
“You? Personally? Don’t worry about it. The games and stakes stars play for... well... let’s just say all the higher powers interested have put their chips in the pot. Just need someone to deal the cards and see who hits, who stays, and who goes bust.”
Well, I do think it's a worthwile concern. After all, I doubt the stars are all about letting people get out of their deals and curses or whatever just by dying quickly.
“Yeah.” I paused, then pulled out Vigilance and turned to Psalm. “Hey. Make sure this gets to Grace. I dunno which of them is going to use it, but they should have it,”
Okay, that was a great inclusion I wouldn't have thought of, and it's awesome to see it here. Though I do wonder what happened to Duty and Sacrifice. If they were lost or something, I'm blanking on it at the moment.
“Oh, fuck that,” Whisper snapped. She trotted right up to me and brought her hoof across my muzzle. “None of that ‘giving your shit up before you die’ shit. You’re going to live, understand?” she demanded as she glared at me.
I actually disagree here, since even if Blackjack tries to survive, she might succeed and still die. Or lose it. And just what is it supposed to help her do anyway that the shotgun(s) won't?
“Rampage isn’t here to smack that shit out of you, so I’ll do it. And when you’re back, I’m going to kick your cybernetic ass to show everypony who’s the baddest momma in the Hoof. Got it?”
“Wait.” I gaped at her. “You’re pregnant?!” I never would have-
This has been another installment of "Blackjack Is an Idiot." Thank you for watching.
I mean, from last chapter "She narrowed her eyes, her forehooves playing over her abdomen. I was suddenly aware how very still my own belly had gotten since I left the Collegiate." True, she didn't explicitly make the connection that Whisper was pregnant, but holy fuck is that dense.
And this from 75.2: “And that’s where my darling babies should be,” [Persephone] said as she smiled placidly at her children, who flushed and squirmed. “And my grandbabies too,” she said, arching a brow at Whisper, who scrunched up her face indignantly. “If my little ones are at terrible risk, how can we do any less?”
Anyway, I guess Blackjack (and Luna, which might actually be the bigger pill to swallow) really, really aren't that bright. Eh.
“Wait.” I gaped at her. “You’re pregnant?!” I never would have-
Well, yeah, that's obvious. But I thought it was a case of caving because there wasn't time to do anything about it and subduing her could itself be dangerous not only to her and the others doing it but to the baby itself.
The beam lanced up, and the ceiling shattered. Girders, pipes, wires, wagons, trains, and concrete came cascading down in a deluge of ruin, filling the pit beneath me with the corpse of the city. Folly had cleared a path through the falling remains, though, and as they fell around me, none fell on me. I floated there in a void, the edges of the cavern invisible in dust, darkness, and rubble, green light surrounding me in a column descending from a hole like a great baleful eye. The junk overhead had resettled, but there was a way clear. It was just going to be a bit of a climb.
Great visual, great symbolism.
“So. This is it?” rasped a voice in my ear as I reached the hole.
Yes! If Caoihme will, I suspect, be pleased if she's still reading.
“Looks like it,” I said, and glanced at the bony skeleton in the duster and cowpony hat.
Yes! On the other hand, I suppose fully trusting Cognitum isn't a great bet, normally. Or something else is going on.
“I was always more than just him. Besides, I know you wouldn’t want to make this trip without an escort. Nopony should die alone,” he said as I climbed.
Well, looks like Caoihe's (great commenter, but I'll cop to having trouble remembering how to spell her name) guess/disire ended up being true. Doesn't explain why Scotch saw him, though.
“How about...” He drew a pair of cards and held them up for me to see: the ace and queen of spades. “How about you tell me about how you got your cutie mark?”
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahem. You pander you.
That's it, I'm leaving the fandom!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0ly60b42ig
Why can't I stop talking?
“Or proof that, even toting that goddess around, you’re still Blackjack,” the Dealer retorted. “Come on. Tell me. Who else are you going to confess your sins to?”
Oh my god that's even better than I thought it was at first.
Why? Given she is now her god (and arguably an anointed intercessor for her god, more to the point), she could answer saying herself. But he is herself!
Sorry, I've been giddy for a while now.
It was stupid. I should have been focusing on the task ahead, not the past behind
I will say that my biggest complaint for the chapter so far is that I do not believe for a second that it's taken place in well under half an hour. That's obvious bullshit, especially since it had to take some time to select people, get their shit together, and get to wherever they were at the start of the chapter. There were some similar but less definite issues during the visions of the battle, but not this extreme.
Dammit I need to eat.
Damn you, need to eat! Damn you, social interaction with your host! That's an hour and a half I could have been doing on things that matter! :V
“I sucked at it, is what. I didn’t know how to bluff, or count cards, or anything,”
Okay, counting could matter in blackjack. But what bluffing?
“Even Cognitum said so. Victory was my special talent.”
Don't lie to yourself, Blackjack, it isn't nice.
“Queen of swords. Quick thinker, decisive... executioner.”
Hee.
“And while you might not have deliberately chopped off the heads of your prisoners, you really never took that many prisoners to begin with. You are frightfully good at killing.”
She is, she really, really is.
“How many enemies have you had who haven’t died horrible deaths?”
Psychoshy. Sanguine wasn't her fault. Nails. The overseer at the mine wasn't her fault. Usury, I think. Deus. Lighthooves was asking for it. Charm.
Oh, and wasn't she long aware of how many horrible deaths happen around her? That just makes it all the better.
Even Cognitum’s assumption it was victory was dreadfully naive.
No, it was fucking stupid (Cogs was stupid to think it, not that it was a stupid thing to write. Though there was certainly backlash.), and in retrospect it's probable that Blackjack knew it from the start and was only considering it out of denial and wanting an alternative.
(There used to be venting here. I decided it was a bad idea.)
Somber is good at trolling his audience.
If anypony with a bit of sense had seen your flank, they would have run the other way and never stopped.”
For a very strange value of "a bit of sense". Specific specialized knowledge that has jack shit to do with the Wasteland? Yeah, everyone knows that.
“Yeah. Then I was such a whiny baby about it that she agreed to leave first anyway.
Ha ha ha ha! Oh that's perfect. And she's never stopped. Maybe whining is her special talent, not winning!
Oh man, survivor's guilt! I guess that's not surprising, or even really new information. But still.
Okay, so she has Bloody Mess. I'm gonna bet that that was part of the Blackjack build I"m sure Somber gave at some point.
Once again, he was in my path. “I’m sure.” He was silent for a second, empty sockets almost pitying, then asked as calm and cool as poison, “What was her real name, Fishie?”
Was it "Blackjack"? Please tell me it was "Blackjack"?
“Nopony should have died for me...” I whispered.
“Why? You were always ready to die for them. They were just better at it than you were.”
Blah blah Generosity etc. Fuk u sacrifice isn't a virtue and Littlepip is dogshit at moral philosophy. And so on.
“No? Well, who can tell for sure?” The Dealer took his hat off. “If I were anything... and I’m not saying I am... I’d call me the Wasteland.” And he gave me a little bow.
He's a star?
“The desolation. The loss. The pain and sacrifice. I take you... all of you... and I make your lives living, bloody hell. I twist you. I tear you. I see what you’re all made of. How far you can go. Where, exactly, you break.” He showed cards of me after the Seahorse. Of me outside Maripony right before the bomb went off. Of Shadowbolt Tower dying. “And you... Blackjack... you’re a pony who should have fallen a hundred times over. I try, and I try, and I try... but I can’t quite get you.”
Also Rarity endurance etc.
But also, I like that this is basically what Blackjack originally thought, too.
“Weren’t you always hating yourself for being a screwup? You’re now the most dangerously competent pony in the Wasteland. Weren’t you always hating your tiny little horn and lack of magic? Well, you’re descended from Twilight Sparkle now! Weren’t you pining for friends and lovers? I’ve given you more than a few!”
The Dealer is Somber? Whoa. I guess it really is a self-insert fic. And a self-insert brony in equestria fic at that.
“I am so generous, like you. I give people what they crave! What they yearn for more than anything!”
He's throwing pandas at me!
And in the middle: the Eater, sitting on its bed of silver wire. Directly above glowed the moon, and shining brilliantly bright... Tom. A luminous swarm of souls swirled in a hollow column in the middle of the ring. Thousands of souls. Millions. And more were being added as I watched, glowing trickles flowing into the mass.
Scenery porn. Yeah. I like it.
I spread my wings and flew around it, readying on my left the shotgun that held the moonstone rounds and on my right the riot shotgun, both now sporting glossy black finishes decorated with stars and moons.
If I ever own shotguns . . .
Up close, the Eater’s two rows of silver spines no longer appeared uniform and unblemished. The central ring of the Tokomare was wrapped in rusty steel scaffolding and supports, and numerous beams and braces spanned the individual spines.
Didn't . . . oh wait, the comparison point is a few seconds ago, not also up close in 65.
I backed away, readied the shotgun... and then spotted the terminal.
Ooh, we're doing a temptation of Christ thing?
More towers grew out radially, not just replacing the Core but crossing the river and growing across the land like a giant crystal. It was all very symmetrical and neat.
Of course. That's his deal, he likes order. And gotta try to give her something you think she wants.
I stared at EC-1101. It would be so easy. So simple...
Good thing this isn't pre-Deus Blackjack, then.
And I had never taken the easy road. Ever.
If you count leaving 99 as a rebirth, sure. I suppose I could much more easily say that applies to Security than Blackjack.
I blinked rapidly as my vision returned, voices coming from far away. “Are you alright, Blackjack?” a mare asked as I felt myself in a familiar bed.
She's high, isn't she?
I quickly took stock of her, an earth pony mare, olive green with a grayish mane, in Stable 99 barding.
Future Scotch, yeah?
“Oh, you are awake. I was so worried after that terminal overloaded. I can’t believe I was so careless.”
Duct Tape?
“Thank you, Miss Blackjack. For saving my mom, I mean,” Scotch said, brushing her mane out of her teal eyes.
Doing an It's a Wonderful Life deal? Alternate history? Blackjack saves Duct, sees what her life would be?
The earth pony stallion in stable barding next to her. He was just as blue as her, his mane thick and shaggy, his eyes deep but untroubled. “I can come back later,” P-21 said evenly to the doctor,
No, not that then. No Incident?
She immediately flushed. “I’m sorry you had to wait at all. Now that we’ve got a sane Overmare, hopefully things can get better.”
Okay, maybe. Gin? Rivets?
Your mom’s the interim Overmare,” she said,
Gin!
“No, there isn’t,” P-21 said grimly with a frown at her. “But you’re trying to do better. That’s all that counts.” He clearly worked to repress his anger as he regarded me curiously.
Wow, he's a lot mellower. But getting what you want can help with that.
Mom had sat by my bed and told me all about the ponies she’d encountered since opening up the stable while I’d been in my coma. Bottlecap, Charity, Priest... Big Daddy and Doctor Triage... even the VC and Enclave. Rampage was the rude representative of the Reapers, and Morning Glory was with the Thunderhead ponies.
If it sounds too good to be true . . .
Also, we've been down this path before. On the other hand, I've already said here that Somber is good at trolling his audience. Also I think Caoihme speculated about this scenario, among others. I don't like assigning things 0% probability. But this doesn't seem like reality.
Would she have freed the stallions?
Not in a million years.
Ouch. Though Blackjack figured on her return putting her mom in charge, plus setting terms and so forth it would happen. But that's a different situation than exists in this counterfactual. Also I don't think that she'd actually be able to transfer skills from a dream to reality. Not lockpicking, not magic.
Okay, we gonna get to see Blackjack use Luna dream powers to break out?
There was one way...
I heard Mom approaching, and my magic shut the door in her face, locking it. “Blackjack?” she called out as I walked to the controls. “Blackjack, this isn’t funny!” she shouted, beating on the door. “What are you doing in there?!”
Is Blackjack going to gas 99 again? Something else?
I flipped the switch and immediately smelled the chlorine tang. A few seconds later, the screaming started. The screaming that I would never, ever, be able to forget.
“Blackjack! You murderer!” But this time there was no Lacunae to teleport me away. This time, I went with my stable.
Chills, man.
Squinting through one eye, I aimed Duty at the talisman, and–
Ah, so she does still have them.
“Luna, what are you doing?” Celestia asked, giving me a slightly baffled smile as I pointed a pencil at her.
Nice, since there has kind of been a shortage of Luna stuff this chapter.
“Drawing Blackjack again?”
I blinked at her, then at the pad of paper showing the cybernetic unicorn. She was collapsed on the Tokomare, bleeding as she pointed a revolver at a talisman, her eyes narrowed in focus. “I really don’t see the appeal, Luna. Blackjack. LittlePip. Why do you obsess over failure and disaster when the war is finally over?”
Dude that's an awesome concept.
“His ambassadors are here, and after reading the treaty myself, I can confirm that they’re offering quite favorable terms for us. Apparently the Caesar’s at risk of rebellion if he continues the war, too, and was willing to be generous.”
I call bullshit. If FoE taught us anything it's that ambassadors don't exist and every freaking pony in Equestria is too incompetent to talk to a zebra.
“Once everything has settled down, you really should write those stories. It doesn’t hurt to have a hobby, and you’ve always been more creative than anypony gives you credit for,”
Hells yes. Now this is a better trap!
“I haven’t been very helpful. I thought abdication would ease my conscience and let me focus on the school, leaving you to sort out my mess. My... meddling... at Shattered Hoof didn’t help.”
These things are true facts.
“I should have trusted you more. Supported you more, as you supported me through the war. But I can see now that you’re the Princess Equestria needs.”
That reference was beautiful.
Also in this universe, the third installment of the Pony-Nolan Batmare trilogy wasn't a stupid fucking mess and instead followed Somber's outline.
Okay, here she tears up the treaty or orders a megaspell attack.
“The Equestrian people give forgiveness for this insult, provided the zebra people allow pony moderators to ensure this lie is striped forever from zebra lore.” I considered the grieving face of Sekashi, who looked as if a friend had been sentenced to death.
Okay, this strikes me as a real flaw in the setup of the dream. I don't think this is something people would think the Princess of Dreams would want (admit the propaganda, sure, but bowdlerizing their myths and legends? to get rid of something that she felt great guilt over and wanted never to happen again, that she feared?), and it should have been stopped way before it got there. What it does look like is something the Eater would demand.
“Let history remember them for their crime for all time. Let them surrender a number of their own foals for re-education by the Equestrian people, each year, as restitution for this atrocity.”
Okay, now this is getting ludicrous.
I sat bolt upright, cutting off the stallion reading the terms. “What?” I murmured.
Good on you, Lunajack.
I made straight for one of the mucky terminals. If I could control things for just a few minutes and stop the Eater’s interference, I could eliminate the remaining F.A.D.E. shields and get out.
The second temptation. And one less obviously bad.
I just had to use the program... take control...
Just like Cognitum.
I froze, staring at the screen and my reflection in it. Cognitum... she’d believed the Eater was just a machine.
Yeah. And one of the great lessons of PH is you can go far in life by asking "What would Cognitum do?" And then not doing it, because she was a fucking idiot who interpreted the world entirely through a lens of things conforming to her exact preferences. Who lacked critical thought. Who had such a profound inability to understand other people that she didn't think telling Blackjack about how she raped a child and would do it again would be a bad diplomatic move. And it's not difficult to understand Blackjack! Not at that level! Sweet fucking Jesus, it takes maybe five goddamn words: "Security saves ponies" and "Do better"! How hard is that?! Friggin' amateur hour, man.
But yeah. You don't want to be like Cognitum.
And that's before getting to the fact she was a moral monster.
Was there any point in simply obliterating it? The ultimate waste of technology was to destroy it, forfeiting not only the use the technology would give but all the resources that had been spent in its creation.
Holy sunk cost fallacy, Batman!
“Oh, good, the drugs are working. We finally have lucidity,” he said calmly.
Ha!
“A short time later, you killed forty foals. You magnified the failure of one to an unforgivable degree.”
I'm not sure I'll ever get over the "Blackjack killed 40 foals . . . and that's terrible" meme.
“For a time, I hoped we were going to make a breakthrough, but it seemed your delusions magnified. Trying to stop a war in the sky? Going to the moon to stop a superweapon? Fighting some ‘Eater of Souls’ for the world? Does any of that sound even close to reality?”
No, but it does sound like the Spinal Tap version of reality. And hey, improbable things happen all the time, and some people are magnets for crazy.
“But do you honestly think Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would ever, ever commit Equestria to a systematic butchering of another race? Especially zebras, who are a rational and caring people every bit as much as ponies?”
Not exactly, but I'd believe things could get out of hand with people generally being unwilling to be the first to deescalate.
He lead me towards the door where Doof and Lighthooves waited, both wearing orderly uniforms. Both watched me with a wary eye, their gray and red hides bruised.
Whoa. I thought forever that Lighthooves was white. He's listed as crimson on the sheet, but for some reason I never actually absorbed that.
“Easy for him to say,” the red pegasus muttered. “He’s not the one that’ll have to restrain her.”
“My balls still aren’t the same,” Doof replied.
Nice.
Glory sat with her singular wing, away from the group, looking over textbooks, her purple mane so beautiful as it fell across her face.
I'll give it this: something like this scenario could explain why she suddenly went from having a crew cut or whatever to a long mane. :D
Scotch Tape, looking faintly older than the filly I remembered, gazed out a window through bars at the world outside.
since it's so retrospective, sure, I can go with thinking of her as a filly here, like she considered her most of the story
“Morning Glory?”
“Nervous breakdown, suffering from intense stress and expectations about her success, leading to control issues and anxiety disorders.”
Okay, I could totally see that.
“P-21?”
“Who? Oh, him. PTSD from repeated sexual traumas with high risk of suicide.”
Duh.
“LittlePip? Seriously?” I asked.
“You mean Pipsqueak? Where to begin?” Goldenblood actually grinned. “First there's her rampant substance abuse, which has led to permanent psychosis. Add that to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and delusional disorder with delusions of reference and persecution..." He trailed off. "One pony controlling all the weather and 'saving the wastelands’? Sound familiar?”
Ha, nice.
“Velvet Remedy?”
“Narcissistic Personality Disorder and a severe case of delusional disorder. She is convinced that she's 'destined' to be the second coming of Fluttershy.”
Wait, is that describing Patient-Velvet or the actual character from FoE?
Heartshine is really getting a chance to come out and play, huh?
That you’re the long-lost descendant of Twilight Sparkle with Princess Luna’s soul and a special spell that will save the world, or that you're just a police pony who let one bad day completely consume her?”
Killing Joke?
Anyway, yeah, the problem there is playing the "which is more likely" game pretty much results in every celebrity, major business leader, high elected or appointed official . . . to determine that they are probably a mental patient.
“It will,” I said as I stared through the window. “What is P-21’s real name?”
Ah. Love these games.
The interior of the Seahorse, with my legs nailed to the floor as stallions sweated and grunted against me.
Okay, that's a good one.
It was like the Eater didn’t know what to throw against me anymore,
Yeah, that's about what I was thinking about now.
Why hasn't it just given her a dream that looks just like the truth? Or maybe it has . . .
“YOU CAUSED ME PAIN, MY LITTLE PONY. GREAT PAIN.”
I licked my lips, murmuring, “It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”
Heh. I'm not sure I agree, but it seemed better than some of the alternatives.
“I FORGIVE YOU. I KNOW PAIN WELL, AND I KNOW YOUR SUFFERING. I KNOW YOUR FEAR. LET ME END BOTH. LET ME GIVE YOU PEACE AND RELIEF.” It reached out its hand, claws as big as my body spread wide. “LET ME REUNITE YOU WITH GLORY,” the Eater offered in its sibilant hiss. “FOREVER.”
Angel-ish. They do fit nicely together. And he's actually doing something that has direct appeal to her while being real.
“YOUR EVERY ACTION, YOUR EVERY REACTION, ARE ON DISPLAY BEFORE ME. YOU CANNOT PREVAIL.”
Ah, but that's not what the Fool/Gambler is all about.
“YOU WISH FOR DEATH! IT IS THE ONLY ATONEMENT FITTING FOR YOUR SINS,”
Congratulations on figuring that out, numbnuts. But she's not all about suicide the vast majority of the time, and she's more about saving ponies than getting what she personally wants, including death. Sorry, but that's the part she's not likely to compromise on.
“ADMIT YOUR FAILINGS. YOU REGRET THE SUFFERING YOU’VE INFLICTED ON THOSE YOU LOVE.”
I AM GOING TO SCREAM THINGS YOU ARE COMPLETELY AWARE OF AT YOU! CHANGE YOUR MIND ON THINGS BASED ON NO NEW INFORMATION OR ANYTHING AT ALL!
Okay, now this was getting annoying.
You said it. :)
“But you know what else? It’s not always me! Sometimes, the Wasteland just fucking sucks!”
Has she actually taken "It's not always about you" to heart? I mean, I'm not confident it would stick long term, because it hasn't before, but it's always nice when she gets there.
“But I don’t care, because I will never give up! Not even if it kills me!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3szYS7DH4Y
Yeah, it's Daring Do, but it's one of the songs I think really fits Blackjack. Also, MandoPony's "I Am No Hero," but which only got better after the Luna thing. But that's all neither here nor there.
“YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME ALONE, LITTLE PONY?” the Eater asked as it gazed hungrily at me.
“I am not alone!”
Hell yeah. In your heart, in your mind, your friends remain, forever.
It inhaled and spread its hands wide, and from its maw erupted a torrential blast of balefire that sent my radmeter through the roof. I threw all my magic into a shield and managed to get clear of the core of the flame. But I didn’t back down, retreat, or regroup.
No, that would have been the smart thing to do.
Yeah, see, that's how she can end up getting the gift of death from him. You (usually) can't die a hero by just giving up and letting your enemies snuff you out.
Instead, I darted in, dragging my vorpal sword along its body,
Eh, iffy on that one, but if you figure it might be a Luna contribution (despite this section being more Blackjacky generally), sure, I can see it.
Two shotgun shells left. I fired, and the slug streaked in and hit the casing... but something was wrong. There was a feeble glow of white magic, and then the side of the case detonated with an anemic pop.
Oh, so they're being weakend by the super intense Enervation? That's not good. Okay, so figure she'll need to use the moonstone she had for her own protection to take out the last one.
Reaching the Eater’s head, I flew clear and streaked for the platform. My shotgun was ready. I was ready.
Then my wings disappeared.
Whoa. Okay, something about mind-soul combo getting disrupted by the Enervation? Loss of magic in some way?
The claw ripped through them so quickly and cleanly that I was transformed from a flying body into a ballistic one without being knocked off target.
Ah, something more mundane. That's fine too.
No, I thought numbly, drawing out the bottle of moonstone dust and seeing only silvery sand within. It fell from my fingers, tumbling down into the shadows below.
Ooh, can't even get there with the protection dust? Well, there was that thing she was doing with the other gun, right? Maybe that would work?
A numbness spread through me as I fell from his talons back onto the platform. Only my augmentation kept me from passing out immediately from blood loss as I lay there, seeing my entrails and synthetic sinews and wires dangling down beneath me.
Okay, was not expecting this at this stage. But certainly an interesting sequence.
The tapered crystal seemed to have grown in its transit, or perhaps I was just a lousy judge of size. The tip of the stone dragged along the edge of the shaft
. . .
There's a lot of phallic in there.
I closed my eyes. At least I could enjoy the moonstone’s song, beautiful, but now desperate and strained as it fought against its nemesis. It truly was a beautiful melody...
But not the only song I heard.
Mother. Fucking. Psychoshy.?
Her own friends, the memory of their love, or the knowledge of it still being there in the cases of Scotch, Rampage, Whisper, etc.?
All of the souls surrounding the Eater?
Her baby, from far away?
Her own soul?
All of the above?
I opened my eyes and looked down at my chest. I guessed it was the big round drum with all the wires coming out of it. Slowly, dripping blood and other fluids, I pulled it from my crippled chest cavity.
You have a heart of moonstone. That was what Glory had said.
This is just perfect, isn't it? I hadn't figured it was literal. But it certainly explains why she'd always been immune to Enervation. It really was an effect of her cyberization! Just one that didn't have much to do with cyberization generally.
But yes, she gets to literally rip her own heart out as a sacrifice to save the world.
I fumbled with the stone, barely able to catch it with my other hand, holding it as if my soul depended on it.
I know that's the point, but that's just SO not an "as if"! :)
And while I couldn’t raise or lower the whole moon...
...I could raise a small piece of it.
So, her heart, or Tom? Both?
“NO!” the Eater whinged. “I CANNOT DIE! EXISTENCE NEEDS ME!”
Wow.
. . .
Wow.
“NO! I AM BRIGHTEST! I AM GREATEST!” the Eater howled. Tom pinned one of those claws, his furious aura burning away the flesh. The starmetal beneath flashed a brilliant white and exploded. The Eater screamed as the second claw, pressed against Tom’s chest, soon followed. “NO! I don’t want to die! Please...”
(words getting smaller over period)
Nice effect, still kind of pathetic, but it's got nothing on the HAL-9000 death.
“All things die,” Tom answered. “Hush now... it’s time to go to bed...”
That payoff though.
Then, like a pitiful whine in the back of my mind, I heard the Eater’s last whimper, “Will it hurt?”
And it gets better.
But the souls lingered.
Millions. Tens of millions. Freed from the Eater, they hung like a constellation of stars spreading in all directions. Some sank into the earth. Others streamed towards the sky. Some touched the weary survivors. I killed the shield and stretched out my hoof towards the countless motes. One drifted against me, and for a moment I smelled Mom’s mane. I heard the warm chuckle of P-21. Another gave my cheek the caress of a soft gray wing.
That's . . . beautiful. I'm crying.
And from the mare’s chest, a mote emerged. Among so many, few would note it any brighter than the others as it rose towards the starry sky which had been its home for so long. Only LittlePip, in the S.P.P., would hear a Princess’s sobs as it joined the others.
Oh fuck . . .
And there, on the wreckage of the platform, the mare stared at the stars as the number reached zero. Darkness took her. And silence. Yet her lips curled in a smile as she felt hot liquid rolling down her cheeks. The rumbling grew, becoming her entire world... stretching into eternity.
And this time . . . this time there isn't a soul that needs to return to it, and to that mind, and to all the pain and all the loss. It may not be in the everafter, out among the stars, but it won't be in the same world that this one lived in, because this one saved it, and she changed it.
One drifted against me, and for a moment I smelled Mom’s mane.
Hadn't her mother's soul escaped Hoofington, though? Did it return from space? And P-21's as well, with the new blue star? I don't remember in Glory's case, but I'd expect she'd not escape from Hoofington at that point. But it was the low-Enervation Collegiate, so maybe. Could they be other friends who remembered those sensations, maybe? A couple from 99, maybe Dawn?
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
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Join date : 2012-06-05
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Location : Boston, MA
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Aug 30, 2015 2:09 am
- Chapter 77 Editing, part 2:
- “Or proof that, even toting that goddess around, you’re still Blackjack,” the Dealer retorted.
"Goddess"?
mark's seen just as much defeat as victory... luck of the draw, which comes out on top. Ah, but death now... that's been a bit more consistent around it, hasn't it
non-directional apostrophes
He showed cards of me after the Seahorse.
"Seahorse" should be italicized
The concave structure made of the dozens of skyscrapers away from me in every direction, the broken tips pointing up towards the skies.
I think you need a verb before "away". "spread", maybe? something like that
Unlike the nightmares I'd faced below,
non-directional apostrophe
My horn... my horn. The pair backed away as
only one space after period
and I pulled them off. “Don’t try and
only one space after period
terminal and sell us out to Raiders, deposed her, and then,
I don't think "Raiders" should be capitalized
out of the breached casing. In my mind, it had been
only one space after period
“Still in rehab.” Twilight answered me, her voice barely
period should be comma
“The zebras admit fault in instigating and persecuting the war.
"prosecuting" (literally from the Merriam-Webster page for "prosecute" as a listed example: She criticized the government for the way it has prosecuted the war.)
If only... If only...
should have second space after first ellipsis
To others, it's an escape from the mundanity and tedium of life. For you, it's a place in w
non-directional apostrophes
He lead me towards the door where
"led"
Calamity watched her with a hollowed-eye look.
"hollow-eyed", I think
“Psalm?” I asked, testing him but he didn’t falter in the slightest.
comma after "him"?
reference and persecution..." He trailed off. "One pony controlling all the weather and 'saving the
non-directional quotation marks (double and single)
she's 'destined' to be the second coming
non-directional quotation marks and apostrophe
Ah well, there's always a dependent when there's a
non-directional apostrophes
“Perhaps one of the greatest cases for Complex PTSD that I've ever seen in my life. That, combined with an underlying Bipolar Disorder has created a, to be frank, fascinating mix of delusions, self-neglect, and impulsivity. You vary between utterly agitated to the point that we need to sedate you to catatonic depression where you don't move for hours.
non-directional apostrophes (I've, don't). Whole thing is a lighter color than the stuff around it
“You need to calm down!” Goldenblood replied in alarm. “Restrain her,” she said to the two orderlies, who rushed in.
"he said"
I bet that it's taking a lot
non-directional apostrophe
“NOW! BEAR WITNESS!” he bellowed as he moved down beneath the sole remaining field.
should have only one space after quotation
“YOUR CHAMPION HAS FAILED,” The Eater taunted amid
I don't think "The" should be capitalized
I might not actually be princess Luna, but I had
"princess" should be capitalized
Laying on my back, I watched as the Eater clawed and
"Lying"
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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