Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sat Apr 18, 2015 9:53 pm
Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. The other day I was going through a chat log from when I was really tired* one evening and going, "I don't remember writing this... or this... okay, I barely remember this... what the...?"Somber wrote:Somber wrote:blegh dunno my on frgnng charartrvtres keep chammgeomgsjot didnow eat im doin. stupd viccodn. stpid bac. stppd me
sprrie
I have no memory of writing this...
*Wild Pegasus might have also been involved.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:39 am
It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Mon Apr 20, 2015 11:46 am
ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
It's always quiet before the storm hits...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Mon Apr 20, 2015 12:05 pm
It's oh so quiet...shhh...shhh...it's nice and quiet...but soon again...Borsuq wrote:ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
It's always quiet before the storm hits...
It starts another big riot!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Mon Apr 20, 2015 1:34 pm
It really feels like something big is going down soon...
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 17 NIsJBNV](https://i.imgur.com/nIsJBNV.png)
Just that line has been keeping me on the edge for the past week, waiting for those three words to be linked... I think everyone is just holding their breaths...
Takes deep breath =>
And hold!
Just that line has been keeping me on the edge for the past week, waiting for those three words to be linked... I think everyone is just holding their breaths...
Takes deep breath =>
And hold!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Mon Apr 20, 2015 1:41 pm
Ummm, maybe umm.... Half the ponies that we know in the story might die in the battle, this doesn't include any character from the original story. Goldenblood will get injured at some point and Scotch might be hurt as well or taken hostage by the Legate (damn, been three months since I read his name... The immortal, crazy, strong Zebra dude...).
I don't know, just wild(pegasus) guesses here.
I don't know, just wild
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by decumos Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:47 pm
Everyone is too busy hating Drawponies right now. Oh, the scandal, oh, the tragedy!ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
I think Jon Snow is gonna... Oops, sorry, wrong franchise.swicked wrote:Any predictions on who else we're gonna see die among secondary characters and etc.?
Er... Lancer, maybe? Most likely killed by Amadi himself.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:37 pm
We're rioting quietly.Evilgidgit wrote:It's oh so quiet...shhh...shhh...it's nice and quiet...but soon again...Borsuq wrote:ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
It's always quiet before the storm hits...
It starts another big riot!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:52 pm
More than half. Lacunae's gone, which basically just leaves BJ, Scotch, and Boo out of the seven "main" teammates.swicked wrote:I know a fun game y'all can play!
Glory's heavily suspected dead, P-21's gone and Rampage is pretty out of the picture. And that's half the main cast!
Any predictions on who else we're gonna see die among secondary characters and etc.? Or do any of you think everone else will survive?
Now, now, Somber doesn't kill off characters that often.decumos wrote:I think Jon Snow is gonna... Oops, sorry, wrong franchise.
Speaking of which, if anyone's a fan of GoT and hasn't seen this... do so.
Sesame Street: Game of Chairs
I have a good feeling about Lancer. If anything, I kind of suspect he may be the one to strike the killing blow against Amadi with one of those starmetal knives the Brood use.decumos wrote:Er... Lancer, maybe? Most likely killed by Amadi himself.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:49 am
I kind of always identified the Dealer as the eighth. But then, that only tips the balance more.SilentCarto wrote:More than half. Lacunae's gone, which basically just leaves BJ, Scotch, and Boo out of the seven "main" teammates.swicked wrote:I know a fun game y'all can play!
Glory's heavily suspected dead, P-21's gone and Rampage is pretty out of the picture. And that's half the main cast!
Any predictions on who else we're gonna see die among secondary characters and etc.? Or do any of you think everone else will survive?
Especially for main characters. Remember back when Project Horizons was the "story where nobody dies*"?SilentCarto wrote:Now, now, Somber doesn't kill off characters that often.decumos wrote:I think Jon Snow is gonna... Oops, sorry, wrong franchise.
*Offer only valid for main characters. Not redeemable in case of deaths that subsequently get better.
I suspect that either Candlewick or Storm Front will get killed by Toaster, possibly Dazzle. Brutus might go down, too. If the other Halfheart associated with the two hadn't already died, I'd be more confident that it was Storm Front on the chopping block.
Probably at least one of the Zodiacs. If going for impact, it'd probably have to be Pisces or Capricorn. Unless other readers don't prioritize cute as highly as I do. But sadly none of them have been around much to make particular lasting impact on me otherwise.
Mare Do Well. But probably not one of Calamity's brothers. Storm Chaser is a maybe. Especially since Afterburner and Hoarfrost are probably still alive (unless I forgot).
Likely someone from Team Imaginary Friend. I hope it's Carrion, because I just like the others more, and Cerberus didn't seem to be with them in the last check-in. I really hope Silver Spoon and Xanthe survive, followed by Snails.
- Chapter Seventy Running Thoughts:
- I could make notes too, though mine tended to be in crayon.
Or, for instance, charred cyberpony.
I found myself smiling as if a great burden had been lifted from my back. Just like that, the important ponies took it from me and I was left almost forgotten.
It's kind of weird to have this thought after getting hundreds of people together largely just by putting out the call and getting an endorsement that you are who you said you are. And so forth. But then, I think that it's kind of more about how Blackjack wants things to be, with her not being a figure of importance, with all the responsibility that entails.
“They’re [the Twilight Society] watching events out east closely, and if they have to, they will act,” he said gravely.
That doesn't sound like the Twilight Society to me. Not the "watching" part, of course; but isn't "act[ing]" pretty much the opposite of, well, everything they've ever done on their own initiative?
One sounding like a colt spouting as many obscenities as possible. Quite a few were ripped right out of LittlePip’s memoir… really, she couldn’t have edited that out?
In fairness, I don't think that's the main thing that could have been left out. What purpose, for instance, did telling everyone about masturbating thinking about Rarity serve in promoting the post-S&R order, or in an apologetic for her? Or talking about how she found the enchanted zebra rifle horrifying, but then just kept using it without comment or reaction thereafter? Frankly, it seems like a rush job where Life Bloom was chosen as editor because he was a friend rather than because he knew what he was doing.
[Homage] stared off to the west. “I wish [Littlepip] could be here. I wish I could have done this with her at least once.”
I sighed, putting a hoof on her shoulder. “I wish she could have been too. It was fun working with her.”
That might have had something to do with the gallon of whisky you drank at the time. Just saying, it's a confounding variable.
“I’m just no good at dying, Homage. So I figure, why not? I’ll live through this, stop Cogs and the Legate, prevent Horizons from destroying the world, raise my baby with P-21, and try to have a few more–" Ugh, sterile body, remember, numbskull? "Or adoption... adoption's good. I really want lots of babies,” I said with a grin. “Help out Chapel and the Hoof in general. Patch things up with Glory and Rampage. Make life better. See tomorrow.”
Sounds nice. Some of those kind of pull in opposite directions, but that doesn't mean you can't try to make it work. Starting up the "tomorrow" conceit.
The jingling tune of a banjo floated like a ghost through the valley, the twangy music carrying through the quiet, scarred landscape as if travelling through time. From off in another direction came another banjo with an answering tune. My mane crawled at the creepy yet definitely effective form of signaling.
Deliverance reference?
“You never had a nem-er...” She glanced at P-21.
“Nemesis,” he supplied.
“Right! Them nemesis things growing up, did you?” Scotch Tape asked.
Velvet blinked, taken aback for a moment. “Of course not! Everypony in Stable Two loved me!” We all just stared at her and sighed. “What?”
Unfortunately, it's all too easy to see that as being true, given the stable's reaction to her leaving, especially in comparison to Littlepip leaving. Would have felt right if it were not the case, and there were people who kind of hated her guts, but she just didn't notice because she believed everyone loved her. Narcissism and all that. Still room for that interpretation based on a combination of her own personality and Littlepip's unreliable narration, though, but it seems a bit of a stretch.
“Daisy,” I said with a smile. “Might not have realized it at the time, but yeah. Total nemesis.”
Yeah, that one's depressing. "She never forgave me for trying to stop her mother's abuse."
“A few months ago, one of your kind came to ask my kind for help with the Enclave and their control helmets. Gnarr, I think his name was,” I said as I felt the ground vibrate a moment. “Now I’m back to ask you for help.”
Well, there were a few hellhounds at the meeting, but maybe they weren't from that group? Then again, same deal with the Highlanders. Guess they kind of had backed out or something and needed convincing at home or something. Then again, there were probably multiple groups of hellhounds, where the Highlanders seem more like a single group.
I’d get my body back… I had plans for teleporting in and dropping a spark grenade covered in Wonderglue on her back and hoping that’d do it… but there was no guarantee.
That would be such an anticlimax. So I'm certainly glad that's not what happened.
Losing Lacunae had hurt, but it was a death I could handle. She’d chosen it in order to save others. Painful as it was, I could rationalize and understand it. But I remembered reading about Steelhooves’s abrupt demise. What if something like that happened to Glory? P-21? Scotch Tape? Boo? We’d been at risk before, but I’d always been able to throw myself to the front practically screaming ‘shoot me first’. And they had. And I’d been tough enough or lucky enough to survive it.
Of course, simply the inclusion of this paragraph and things like it means you can't really have something like Steelhooves's death, at least not for a while. That was out of nowhere, while there're anticipation and dread building here.
“Maturity sucks. When did I get to be so old and worried about consequences and plans and stuff?”
I like this line. Covers a lot of what there is to like about Blackjack, and how she's changed. Hard to put a time on it in answer, though. Maybe when Scotch got chlorined? Point is, that kind of gradual change isn't the best for identifying thresholds.
“I think it was when we lost Lacunae,” he replied calmly. “I know for me it was when I almost got Scotch Tape killed. After that…”
It's not bad, especially with what Blackjack had been thinking earlier. But it's hard for me to say that she wasn't mostly there while they were at the Society.
As Ditzy set us down on the roof of the post office, I gaped at the sight of them all. Most of them appeared to be scavengers, but I also saw clumps of families. I’d always kind of imagined the Wasteland as just raiders, bandits, scavengers, punctuated with a few normal people just trying to survive. The reverse was true. And war had finally brought them together.
Well, "scavengers" and "families" definitely aren't mutually exclusive, and scavengers don't really fit with raiders and bandits. Examples of scavengers, remember, include the Crusaders. They would largely fit into "normal peope trying to survive." Leaving that aside, it's understandable why she'd think that, given that raiders etc. stand out a bit more. But even with that, she'd not interacted with them that much after a certain point. Anyway, there can only be so many of them, or else everyone, including them, starves. And it's not too hard to imagine them being underrepresented here.
“You’re charging people for ammunition and food?” Velvet Remedy said, aghast. “At a time like this?”
God damn it you ignorant, sanctimonious ass. Probably comes in part from growing up in a stable, and one without the supply issues 99 had at that, but she was their team's trader, and she certainly isn't fresh out of the stable anymore.
She thrust a hoof at a large, half-filled jar of caps on the counter; the label read ‘Blackjack’sStupid People’s Comments Fee’.
Still like this joke.
“No. I don’t want it back,” she said a moment later, and I froze and withdrew my hooves. “Penance… no. I don’t deserve it.”
“I’m not a sniper,” I told her. “I can never use it like you could. And Calamity already has a supergun.”
But Psalm shook her head again. “I don’t want to be a murderer again,” she whispered. Crumpets sighed, rolling her eyes and looking clearly annoyed. Psalm caught her expression and seemed to shrink into herself. “I know… I was a soldier… but, I shouldn’t have been. That was a mistake… killing for Luna.”
Setting up a couple of nice conflict here, both between Crumpets and Psalm and within Psalm herself. It's a tough situation for her, and one that's not too easily dismissed under the "suck it up" heading after seeing so much of what went into it. And yet, there's much with her case that parallels the appeals made earlier to the Highlanders and hellhounds. As for Crumpets's reaction, I do think that it might be a bit overblown on the simple basis that snipers have pretty much always been seen differently than most soldiers.
“I am too. And I’m glad you’re the real one. The other you… the armored one… really scared me,” she admitted, dropping her eyes to the brown water as she tapped her fins together. “I thought she was going to shoot us even after we got that gun for her.”
So now we know what's happened to Folly.
My words were drowned out by an enormous booming thump coming from the Core. The babble of thousands of ponies died down to a crackle as a great metallic groan rippled over the valley. Slowly, I climbed up the slope to the bridge above us as the thumps were replaced by more softer, quicker thuds and more moans. Deep thuds sounded somewhere far below. I saw ripples dance in puddles left on the road. More ponies were following me up and on to the bridge.
Ominous and mysterious. Good time to slow things down with the details in description.
I stared at the Core and saw that the beam turrets atop the wall were dark. How long had they been off? Slowly, I walked along the bridge towards the open gate. I reached the word ‘Mercy’ painted across the bridge, balked, and then took a tentative step forward. Another. Another. No beams lanced out at me to render me to ash. Slowly, I continued forward as the groans and moans of metal continued, punctuated by thuds and shivers under my hooves.
That's worrying. Now, I'm not entirely sure who's controlling the situation in the Core at the moment, since it seems like Cognitum would be out on her way to the space center, and the Legate maybe with the Brood somewhere. But in any case, the Core, which had for centuries been in Keep Out mode suddenly seeming open, just in time for the refugees of the great battle and the presumed firing of Horizons? I don't know what the deal is, but it seems suspicious.
Any second I expected the beams atop the wall to light up and dust me… but why would they? Cognitum wasn’t connected to the Core anymore. The stallion she left behind was dead. Goldenblood wasn’t wired in through his pod, so… who was left to turn the guns on?
Some of my thoughts, exactly.
Did that skyscraper just… move? I stared up at one of the shorter, sixty-story-tall black towers laced with wires and cables. I saw several of the cables go taut, accompanied by a moan of metal and a great thump. The tower swayed, and slowly moved upright. Then it went still. A second thump and other cables off to the side went taut, and the tower shifted ever so slightly in that direction. My eyes followed the hoof-thick cables to immense wheels exposed by torn away siding. I had no idea what those immense motors had been for. Elevators? Power cables feeding directly into the machines gave the city a sharp reek of ozone as the wheels turned to take in the slack, thumped to a halt, strained, and then went slack again.
Okay, immediate thought is getting the city in shape for the F.A.D.E. field to be used. But that probably wouldn't require shutting down the defenses, and doesn't seem directly related to the Enervation being reduced.
“What were you going to fire it at?” I asked with a wry smile.
“Tom,” he answered quietly. “I realized something was manipulating me into creating Horizons a short time before the bombs fell. I wasn’t precisely sure what. Pinkie’s warning had… shaken me.
I'd just like to point out how incredibly fast that makes the turnaround time on Folly. Trottenheimer is pretty good at his job, it seems.
“I have no idea how he pulled it off. Maybe he’d already been working on something similar...”
Could be that. Probably. Oh, and I like how it means you're using a weapon that works by bringing starmetal and moonstone together to stop (much bigger pieces of) starmetal and moonstone from colliding.
“Still, it’s a plan B. But what about my body? If she fires it, the Flux...”
“Will start mutating her badly. Multiple shots will accelerate the change, of course.” He closed his eyes. “Folly was my other suicide. Dying destroying my greatest and most terrible creation seemed… fitting.”
So, point to remember with the moon battle and possibly Blackjack's body after she gets it back. Now, multiple uses of Folly before hadn't affected her reproductive system at all, so it seems likely it won't affect her pregnancy, independent of the rest of her body at any rate. But it could be an issue for long-term health. Complicated by the alicorn transformation, though.
“If she does fire, and she’s pregnant, how long could she last before the baby…” I choked. If it was immediate… there wasn’t much point to taking my body back alive once she shot Folly.
He stared at me in shock, and then his eyes softened in understanding and he gazed out once more. “I’m not a doctor. I believe the placenta would offer a tiny amount of protection, but no more than a day. Flux is… fickle.”
Or, a more pessimistic stance. And one which puts Blackjack on the clock in a bad way.
Glory and Homage distract her with distance fire, protected by Velvet and her alicorns.
For that value of protection she'll let them offer. Or that they independently volunteer, I guess.
I rolled my eyes again and said with a touch of sarcasm, “You wouldn’t happen to know where I can get my hooves on an IF-88 Ironpony, would you?”
He smiled. Of course he smiled…
Fuck yeah.
“Barely any fire control at all. Did these idiots just raid an arms storeroom, put on the same outfit, and call themselves an army?”
“Some of them have training, but for the most part, yeah. That’s the Harbingers,” I replied.
“That’s a joke. Sick, sad, deadly joke,” Calamity replied.
Said the guy who worked with the inexplicable weapons prodigy able to clear out a raider next a day or so after first using a gun. Not sure if this was meant to bring that to mind. Though I suppose Calamity did train her a bit where distance shooting was concerned.
In the barracks were more Harbingers trying to sleep. One rocked back and forth muttering to himself, “Security will save us. Security will save us. Any second.” I wanted to reassure him. To let him know I was trying my best… but the Security he prayed to couldn’t care less if he lived or died.
It isn't quite "Forgive me, Luna, for I have taken the life of another," is it? Of course, in that case the recipient didn't seem too concerned about the supplicant, either.
They just let us shoot them and fall back. Shoot them some more and fall back. And for every twenty we shoot, they shoot one of ours. Like clockwork.
I like the "clockwork" phrasing there. The idiom works really well when applied to mechanical automata.
Inscribed on the barrel was a simple word: ‘Ayup’.
Originally I thought this was all right, but honestly he could have done better. I'm glad Blackjack renamed it.
“Wait, did you get those lockers in the back open?”
“Um. Nope,” I said with a bald-faced lie, trying to hide the gun case behind my back, closing the locker with a hind hoof as carefully as I could.
“Anything there is the property of–” he started to say with a frown. P-21 charged him, pinning him against the racks of armor and glaring into his eyes. “Y’all!” the stallion yelped. “Nine tenths and all that.”
Wonder if the "Nope" was to echo Big Macintosh. And the stallion's protest is particularly ironic here, since of just about everything Blackjack's ever picked up, this is one where she has one of the best cases that it really does (or ought to) belong to her, and always did.
“Why can’t folks send me a memo when they’re gonna dress up like the bad guys? That too much ta ask?”
Should be noted that would still only mean that he'd be looking to see if they were someone he knew, instead of indescriminately shooting anyone a broad class of armor/whatever on. So he's still not waiting to see if someone is making a hostile move.
These weren’t real zebras. They were organic killing machines... not ponies. No souls... still, I felt a squirm of unease as I aimed the crosshairs at the nearest zebra.
Of course, that isn't how Blackjack felt about Boo even early on. On the plus side, at least the no-souls claim is something definite and with empirical validity, at least so far, in this setting. Otherwise . . . doesn't sound great, does it?
I spotted a pegasus firing an anti-machine rifle with no heed for the recoil, the muzzle waving all over the place as she struggled. “You’ve got to compensate for the recoil! Slow down!” I bellowed at her.
“I’m trying! Energy weapons are easier!” she yelled back at me in annoyance. Then Glory looked up at me, her purple eyes widening in surprise.
Funny I don't think it's directly come up before (from Glory's side), but I like the mirror-image of Glory's trouble with gunpowder weapons and Blackjack's confusion and ineffectiveness with energy.
I did the only thing I could and jumped away as hard and fast as I could. Unfortunately, the only direction of ‘away’ was over the sandbags, and I found myself flipping into empty air.
Did I mention I was on the roof of a three story building? With a whole bunch of Brood advancing? Maybe that Wild Pegasus wasn’t the best idea...
Blasphemy! Or perhaps lese-majeste.
Then I looked over at that crazy pony throwing ammo crates over the edge and shouted at him. “What are you doing?!” My side gave a twinge of pain. Okay, shouting bad.
Then P-21 regarded me flatly, a detonator in his mouth. He bit down hard and from the west came multiple sharp explosions as the ammo crates exploded, peppering the enemy with countless spent shell casings.
Okay, that was pretty clever.
“Ha… bu…gah… wa?” the mare – Scalpel! That was the name! From Flank! – blustered. “Are you insane? She just said she killed him! Shoot now!” Her magic glowed around the gun of the pony next to her.
It's kind of disappointing, but thinking back, not too hard to imagine why Scalpel would take up with the Harbingers, maybe even if Flank handn't seen the later problems it did. She seemed short on hope for the future even at the start, and the Harbingers certainly offer a shortcut, and have swag to support their promise of prosperity.
You need to know that the Harbingers are a trap. All of it. That Dawn and her Goddess, Cognitum, are using all of you as chumps. Just like they used me.
“Nails, you know Security. You’ll know the real deal. I put you in charge of the Harbingers. If you meet her and she’s killed me, I want you… well… fuck… to be honest, I want you to nail her to the floor and fuck her ass a dozen times. Set up a conga line. I want you to chop her head off. And if her friends are there, kill them first.” The recording laughed. “Then kill that cybermare. The Legate. The whole damn Hoof. Kill ‘em all!
Well, at least he's putting in some effort to get revenge on the relevant people. Though I should not that his revenge fantasy for Blackjack isn't imaginitive even compared to Charm's, and she's a small child.
On the computer desk were a burned-out terminal... and pictures. Twist and the Marauders. Twist celebrating atop Big Macintosh with a grin from ear to ear. Twist and Stonewing laughing at a soaking wet Applesnack sitting in a doorway with a bucket atop his head. Twist cuddled up with a red-striped zebra.
And Twist with her filly.
I’d seen her several times; it was the same filly Rampage reverted to every time she was disintegrated. In the pictures, she went from a tiny foal to a tiny filly. In another, she suddenly had red stripes too, and a little note on the picture read ‘Shu needs to hide her magic zebra dyes better.’ The last picture was Twist embracing her striped daughter.
And so, if we didn't trust Doof, it's confirmed. But no big surprise at this point.
And spotted the memory orb behind it.
“Blackjack, you’re not thinking of going into that thing, are you?” Glory asked.
“I need to. If I can give Rampage a reason to live, she won’t have a reason to help Cognitum anymore,” I said. “If I’m out for too long, carry me back, please.” I touched the orb to my horn before there could be any further argument.
Because they couldn't possibly go back and then have her check it out. I'm calling this some backsliding, since I'm pretty sure she had become more practical about that at some point.
“Twist, you need to evacuate.”
“Evacuate?” she stammered. “Evacuate where? With the skies closed, there’s nowhere left to go! The stables are sealed. Hoofington is silent. I can’t reach anyone there. The lines are open, but everypony is gone!”
“Go to the Highlands. I doubt the zebras will waste a missile on played-out mines. You might have a chance if you go now and hurry.” He gave a sad smile and saluted her. “It has been an honor, Sergeant Twist, but I must relieve you of your duty. Your final orders are to get your daughter out of here and keep her alive at all costs.”
I think that Colonel Cupcake might be one of the relatively few recurring characters who came off as good and admirable in just about every instance he was shown. He was a mensch, and it's easy to see why he was so respected by the Marauders.
“Mommy!” the filly shouted as she scampered out from under the bed and hugged her fiercely. “I’m scared! What’s going on?”
Twist’s body shuddered as her lips curled in a smile. Her limbs tightened on the red striped filly’s form. “It’s okay... I’m going to take care of you... take care of you...” she murmured.
“Mommy! You’re squishing me!” Peppermint squealed.
That seemed to shake Twist out of it as she released her.
So, the Angel was able to influence Twist, but she could stop it. Stronger with Rampage because she got the talisman younger, the memory purge, both?
“Now, what do we do if we’re attacked?”
“Get off your back and hide,” she replied at once.
“And if I’m attacked and you see an opening?” Twist asked briskly.
“Knees. Eyes. Private bits. Hit ‘em as hard as I can!” Peppermint replied fiercely.
“Good girl,” she said, reaching into her pocket for a tin of Mint-als.
Gotta start 'em young.
She pried hard, levering against her ribs. Something tore, and a glowing glob connected to tendrils of flesh came free. Gasping and whimpering, she cut the very last connection to the heart.
Abruptly, I was plunged into darkness. Then, slowly, I came to... only now I was in an aching filly’s body.
And that's interesting, indicating that memories weren't just transferred, but could even be kind of continuous when the Phoenix Talisman was moved from one to another. At least enough that the person doing the memory extraction could find the first person's memory and match it up with the recipient's from the same event. But the gap seems to suggest that in some sense this may have been the memory of the talisman itself. Or I guess it could just be something to do with editing.
“Mommy?” Peppermint asked, her eyes wide and fearful at the weak way she slumped back against the wall of the tank.
“You’re okay,” Twist whispered, stroking her mane with a bloody hoof. “You’re going to be okay...”
Peppermint stood up and saw the horrible hole in her mom’s chest. Her eyes rose to Twist’s as tears ran down her cheeks. “You’re not. You need medicine, Mommy. You’re hurt.”
“Shhh... I’m fine,” she whispered. “Such a brave and strong girl. I want you to promise me. Promise me you’ll live. That you’ll have a house and a family and a life. Please...”
“I promise Mommy. I promise. But you need a doctor, mommy!” she begged, sniffling.
Going all out on the pathos there. Given that this is near the end of the orb, I wonder if part of the purpose was to cut out the "Promise me you'll live"/"I promise" part, in support of wanting, on some level, to die even before (and in addition to) losing the memories of her past.
Silver Spoon, Xanthe, Carrion, Cerberus, and Snails trotted and floated up to the house as well.
Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
“What’s...” I looked down at Boo. “What’s going on?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Big Daddy said, “Tomorrow morning we’re going to battle.”
“So we have two choices,” Storm Chaser said deeply. “To ponder the imminent battle ahead with sobriety and grim contemplation.”
“Or get shitfaced drunk and spit in the face of Death and enjoy ourselves ‘cause tomorrow we’re fucked!” Thrush exclaimed.
“And while we know you might prefer the former,” Homage said with a sad smile.
“The latter will probably do you a whole lot more good,” Triage commented around her cigarette. “Us, too.”
Blackjack is surrounded by true, true friends.
The two strange ponies from Flank had set up a table and plugged cables into Applebot, who’d deployed two large speakers from her sides, and begun to play thumping, lively music with Sweetie Bot providing ‘live’ vocals. I just hoped they were waterproof in case the Hoofington weather decided to join this party too.
Well, I'm sure Horse thought about that where Sweetie Bot was concerned. He didn't like it getting damaged, and it's also possible he would have wanted her available in the shower/bath/whatever. Applebot will probably be fine, given all the other robots that managed to do at least okay outside in Hoofington for hundreds of years.
Whisper tried to drag Tenebra into the middle of everyone to dance, but the batpony pulled free and made off into the crowd; instead, Whisper returned to Stygius who, to his credit, gave as good as he got on the impromptu dance floor. Was it just me, though, or was Whisper a little... well… radiant? It was probably just me.
You get knocked up! And you get knocked up! Everypony gets knocked up!
Charity and Bottlecap abstained from the festivities but seemed to enjoy keeping the food and drink flowing. Repeatedly, Charity tried to tally up the drinks and meals served, and repeatedly Bottlecap stopped her, reminding her sibling that this was on the house. It seemed to cause Charity pain.
I'm going to try to remember these few sentences. Especially the last one. Anyway, interesting contrast to the confrontation between Charity and Velvet earlier.
Grace and Splendid followed with a protective Pain Train and a worried looking Charm, her head still bandaged.
. . .
The ghouls Windclop the mayor, Willow the security mare, Velvet the... what did you call a pony who made naughty underwear anyway?... and Boing. Harpica and the ghoul fillies and colts immediately joined them in polite and civilized conversation.
. . .
Boing and Charm sat off to the side, looking dour, before Harpica brought over some of her ghoul children to talk.
I guess Charm joined Boing and they broke off from the ghouls (or the reverse order), without any of the ghoul foals joining them (or her).
Hades almost appeared to be having a taste test wearing his bandages as he sampled dishes provided by his wife. Being beaten in his own throne room seemed to have done wonders for his disposition.
Well, it's not like it could have got much worse. And hey, he did at least leave it with genitals intact (if not for lack of Blackjack trying).
“Hokey Dokie!” Applebot said, beamed at me. “Just let me know if you need me to take him out. I can’t do it as creatively as I could in the pod, but I’ll try my best!”
“You... installed the megastable interrogation program into her?” I asked Sweetie Bot.
“Yes. It was a challenge, but the program was remarkably stable," Sweetie Bot said brightly, as if I'd just paid her a compliment. “And it had all of Applebot’s old files. I think the two integrated well.”
Applebot hung her head a little. “Darn sorry for the fibs I told, but I didn’t have no choice. I had ta do what she wanted.”
Okay, so, Applebot wasn't just Cognitum, maybe, and has been integrated with the interrogation program. Neat.
“Well... I’m glad you two are free now. Are you going to help with the fight?” I didn’t see a lot of weapons on either of them.
“Well,” Applebot began, “if she tries to use that PipBuck to access the MASEBS, we can try and mess with her. But otherwise, I don’t think we’ll be able to do much. Sorry.” She sounded a touch down, but then she brightened. “Instead, I’m going to do my best to find out every dirty and underhanded secret in the Wasteland. And we’re going to need a Scootabot... maybe one of those sentry robots!”
I had images of a bright orange sentry rolling along praising Rainbow Dash. “And I have a sample of super sexy Horse’s DNA,” Sweetie Bot gushed. “If I can get one of those cloning trees, we’ll be reunited!”
“Sweetie... he’ll be a mindless, soulless blank,” I pointed out.
“I know. He’ll be perfect!”
So, I like that plan. That would make at least two pretty sweet spinoff groups Blackjack's made. As for Sweetie's point, I agree. That would be a big improvement on the original Horse, if maybe more difficult to move around and keep alive.
I would like to reiterate my headcanon that Crumpets's accent went from posh/upper class along the line of Octavia's to Cockney due to the malign influence of the Hoofington region.
. . . Anyway, her whole conversation with Psalm about Stronghoof loving her, how rare that is, and it doesn't matter what you deserve is great. Oh, and relevantly, when she mentioned how Stronghoof had done things he wasn't proud of, worth remembering how he first met Blackjack and Lacunae during the Reapers-Rangers war: the only reason he didn't summarily execute Lacunae was because of her poison joke cover story, and he also held P-21 and Scotch Tape captive.
“He reminds you of Big Macintosh. That’s what’s wrong.” Psalm closed her eyes and gave a little nod. “Did you love Big Macintosh?”
“It was... more a crush. I never spoke of it. Never acted. We all thought he had a mare somewhere, secret. But still... I dreamed of being with him. And then I killed him. As good as he was. As much as I... loved... I killed him. How could I dare to love again after doing that?”
Okay, that's something that would be hard to get over. And it sure wouldn't help that it's not just your next crush/love, but one who reminds you of the one you killed. Still, I really want her to give it a chance.
“You dare because you can. Because love is so rare that when you have it, you hold it as best you can. Because losing it...” I sighed and shook my head. “I wish it was about deserving. It would be so much easier if it was that simple. Love is... precious. Fleeting. Frustrating. Wonderful. Terrifying. And above all... worth it. Besides, after tonight, there may not be a tomorrow.”
Very understandable perspective given the circumstances, but a good one to keep in mind even independent of that. And bringing in "tomorrow" again.
“I can because I know you’re strong enough to carry it. And I know you’re strong enough to use it, because you don’t want to repeat your mistakes. Forgive yourself, Psalm. I know that Big Macintosh would forgive you if he were here.” I pushed the case into her hooves. “If you can’t, or won’t, give it to somepony who can. But it should be a better pony than me.”
“I... will think about what you have said,” Psalm murmured, barely audible above the noise. Then she turned and walked away, floating the case beside her. I hoped she came to terms with it. Hating and denying yourself happiness because of past mistakes didn’t do anything to help overcome pain like that.
The talk of forgiveness and the "Hating yourself . . ." part are an interesting contrast to "But it should be a better pony than me." But then, Blackjack's never been great at applying things to herself.
Off to the side, Xanthe pranced quite happily to the music. Then she spotted me watching her and immediately flushed. “Hiding now,” the suit piped, and when I blinked, she was gone.
Is this Xanthejack bait?
“Yeah, yeah. No doubt. But you got to be thinking about things after the mission, Bro. ‘Cause if you’re smart, you’ll make sure that you’re the only pony that walks out of that bunker. Things are gonna change around here, Bro, and you can’t be thinking with your dick over some mare that doesn’t give a fuck about you,” Toaster said with a dark chuckle.
“It’s not like that!” Candlewick protested.
“Oh, but you wish it was!” Toaster leered at him, leaning in. “Look at you. You’re a fucking steak, well done. You’d like her to do you a little more though. It’s fucking branded on your face. Get a clue. Flashers fuck who they want to fuck and that ain’t a pony who looks like a ghoul. Little bitches give a ‘I was raped’ sob story and then shoot you in the back for your caps. Well, the Flashers are done. They just don’t know it yet. They still don’t have a new leader since Diamond got squashed flat. Psychoshy’s more interested in fucking that batpony. Blackjack’s way out of their league. They’re gonna be toasted. So don’t get too attached, Bro.”
There's no denying: did a good job on making Toaster hateable. And the obvious familial abuse angle is an interesting one, perhaps the more so since the "steak, well done" I believe applies to Toaster as well, and according to Candlewick, he "does get all the mares."
“I’m just... I want to be like her. I want to be... strong. Dangerous. Confident. All my people were supposed to be fighters, so a pony who can’t fight... is nothing,” Tenebra said with another sniff, wiping her eyes. “Ignored. I know Father is ashamed of me.”
“I know how you feel. It’s rough when the expectations of others aren’t in accord with our own,” Glory said.
Note the applications of Glory's line, generic as it is, to her relationship with Blackjack.
Horizons will fire tomorrow afternoon and impact at midnight. If the trajectory isn’t altered, sooner.
Wow. Given the crazy trajectory it was to take, I'd have expected longer. But then, I guess it really is a tiny system, and the projectile probably is a lot faster than the spaceships.
Life was messy. A tangled perplexity that kept you constantly wondering what came next. Even in a moment where people weren’t shooting at each other, you couldn’t escape the rushing, twisting, churning, chaos of it all. Boo’d been right. A party was exactly what we needed right now. Life was a party, and while you may not always have fun, it was still preferable to the alternative. So together, Goldenblood and I rejoined the mess, as the celebration pressed on towards oblivion.
As far as introspective or philosophical starts/ends to chapters go, that one's actually pretty upbeat. And it's especially good that Goldenblood's being integrated into the party, even if only a little bit.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:51 am
- Chapter Seventy Overall Thoughts:
- Here again we have something of a decompressed chapter, even titled to reflect that it's the calm before the storm. 69 was similar, but with personal drama and alliance building taking center stage where here, it's more about catching up with what is going on in the peripheral cast.
It starts with Blackjack wandering off from the war council, leaving it to the "important" people to figure things out. There's some irony in her thinking that, of course, but even if the reader isn't picking up on that as a kind of defense mechanism, later dialog with P-21 covers how it's hard to believe that she's acting all responsible now. And when she discusses what her plans for the future are, after all the crazy stuff in dealing with Horizons and the Legate and Cognitum is over, she doesn't focus on really leading anyone, or running anything. It's about having and raising kids with P-21, hopefully patching things up with Glory, and seeming to go out and make things better on a more personal scale. So, something of a return to Volume I, maybe Volume II.
The first real thing that people try to get done in the chapter, though, is making some trips to get factions on board. First are the Highlanders, then the hellhounds who had been under the Enclave's experiments in the Hoofington region. Both seemed to have some people at the big announcement last chapter, but I guess they weren't convinced or didn't have the authority to do anything but observe or something. In any case, the Highlanders don't go too well, with the only chance of their participation seeming to hinge on Big Daddy making an appeal to Big Momma, and her going in based on that. Along the way, Scotch Tape got in a scuffle with a young Highlander filly, which prompted a conversation about childhood nemeses among the ponies on the trip: Blackjack, P-21, Glory, and Calamity all had one or more, Scotch just got hers, Velvet Remedy was aghast at the idea (coming off as an up-tight stick in the mud, or perfectly in-character), and Homage wished she'd had one. That segued into her backstory before she met Jokeblue and Life Bloom (and so even more before she got into Tenpony via the old DJ-Pon3), when she was completely alone, and in her opinion only slightly better than a raider. Nothing much happened with the hellhounds, as Blackjack was pretty much shouting into emptiness.
Back at Chapel, there's a confrontation between Velvet Remedy and Charity, with Velvet stunned and offended that Charity is charging for food and ammunition at a time like then. I found that pretty ignorant on her part, especially since she was her own group's primary trader. You'd think she'd know this stuff better. In any case, Charity covers how if she makes stuff free now, everyone will rush to get as much as they can, even if they won't be able to use it before it spoils, or if the ammo purchased would be far in excess of what was needed for the coming battle (instead obtained to hoard/just take advantage of the fact it's free/reduced price). Past that, the need to pay suppliers, etc. Then there's a bit about upping the prices for heroes and wealthier groups like Talon mercenaries, and then subsidizing the weaker. Then she charges Velvet a 100 cap fine for wasting her time, in a pretty good joke motioning to the "Blackjack'sStupid People's Comments Fee" jar. It should be noted, though, that later on, at the party that makes up the end of the chapter, Charity comes off to me a little worse for a related reason: she and Bottlecap were supplying food and drinks for the party, and had agreed to do so for free, but Charity had to be stopped from trying to tally up what was served, and seeming pained over the fact that she was giving that away. That harkens back to just after Blackjack was first brought back to life, and Charity sent her a case of Wild Pegasus along with an invoice. That worked out in part because Blackjack was feeling guilty and unworthy of being saved at the time. But I don't think it reflects very well on her that she seemingly can't think outside the realm of commerce and just give a gift without something of a jealous heart. (It reminds me of nothing so much as http://www.bradford-delong.com/2014/07/first-draft-oversharing-about-money-an-international-financial-wire-transfer-from-lafayette-california-usa-to-ahero-nyan.html , specifically the four paragraphs starting at "We agree to sponsor a 24-hour basket sale on my website." Now, it's not fair to directly compare Charity to a Berkeley multi-millionaire—her motives, background, and situation are extremely different—but by the standards of her setting, she and the community she represents are very wealthy, on a level with some of the key merchants of the city, and I can't help but believe that (as well as Bottlecap) "[she is] well into 'giving of [her] surplus, not [her] substance' territory" there.)
A little after that point, there's something like an earthquake coming from the Core, and some of the skyscrapers that were leaning get dragged upright by the starmetal cables that the mechasprites had strung everywhere. At the same time, Blackjack realizes that the energy beams defending the city appear to be powered down, and crosses the "MERCY" line on the bridge; she isn't shot. The Enervation has died down, too. It's a very eerie scene. Blackjack immediately suspects a trap of some sort, and Goldenblood agrees to get guards to try to seal off the bridges to the Core to keep people from going in. In the same conversation, Blackjack learns that Cognitum has Folly and ammunition for it, as well as that it was developed because Goldenblood wanted a way to stop Horizons if it went off. (The timing of that means that Trottenheimer was either already working on something pretty similar, or his turnaround time on it was amazing.) So that's another goal for Blackjack: get Folly back. There's also some indication that if it's fired, it could be very bad for her baby, and her old body more generally. I'm not quite so concerned about her pregnancy, since she'd fired Folly multiple times before her first death and it had no effect on her reproductive system then. It's not dispositive or anything, but at least encouraging. On that topic, Blackjack decides she needs something with some real punch for the coming battle, especially since Penance really isn't her thing, and makes an offhand remark to Goldenblood about if he knows where she could find an IF-88.
Turns out, he does: Big Macintosh's locker at Miramare. So! Blackjack, Glory, and P-21 are off to Miramare to pick that up, with Calamity staying nearby to cover them. Also transport I guess. Anyway, they're going to attempt a stealth run since the place is a battlefield between the Brood and the Harbingers who are occupying the base. It starts out fine, and Glory demonstrates how far she's come since the start in the early going. They end up getting caught, but are just told to get equipped and get fighting; that works fine for them, as it gives Blackjack the chance to try the locker, which yields the IF-88, marked "Ayup." Blackjack tries to teleport herself and her friends back to Calamity, but only manages herself, and gets shot by him when she appears since she's at that point wearing some Harbinger armor to try to fit in. Healing up takes some time, and by the time she teleports back to the armory, Glory and P-21 are gone, having been sent up to the roof to fight. Blackjack goes up and there's a battle showcasing what the new Brood can do (flyers, teleporters, swords, that sort of thing). During that time, Blackjack also works to try to whip the Harbingers there into shape a bit, since for all their great equipment they were untrained and undisciplined. But in a lull, she gets her friends and they head down, only to encounter a large mass of Harbinger soldiers, all but one of which were reading hostile on EFS.
Now, one of the hostile ponies, the one who had alerted the rest to their presence, was Scalpel, from Flank. "Security" wanted the "impostor" dead, as did Cognitum, Dawn's goddess, and Scalpel went along to help after seeing the "impostor" earlier. Now, that's an interesting point, that it's her, and how she's acting. It's not too hard to see why Scalpel would join up with the Harbingers. Even before Chapel was destroyed, she was pretty short on optimism, and very cynical. Seeing the same addicts time and again, or always more, had worn on her belief anything could really improve things. And she was the one whose opinion on the rape of Roses was "didn't happen in Flank, doesn't matter." So, after losing her home, hearing the Harbingers' pitch and seeing the swag to back it up could be pretty enticing. But it's her reactions in the present that seem especially interesting to me. For much of the time, she's just making the case that they need to kill Blankjack and friends because it's what "Security"/Cognitum ordered, and they're the boss, and "She's going to kill . . . all of us," with "she" potentially meaning either Cognitum or Blackjack (prompting Blackjack to reflect that to her enemies, there might not be much difference). Blackjack responds by saying she won't let Cognitum kill them; she's trying to help. Scalpel then howls about the help Blackjack brought to Flank, and that everything she touches dies. And that's the point I find interesting: seeing that "Security" had joined up with the Harbingers, if Scalpel felt that way, why stick with them, and so loyally and enthusiastically? Now, much may just be due to the threat of execution. But I wonder if perhaps she picked up on how different Cogjack was from the real thing, and went along with things on that basis. Probably not, or at least that's likely not the bulk of the reasons, given Scalpel's continued fear of reprisal from Cognitum after Glory interjected about how Blackjack really was helping the Hoof, even if it hurt in the short term. But it could still have been there as an additional point.
Now, the one non-hostile soldier was Nails, one of Blackjack's rapists from the Seahorse, and the Harbinger who saw her at Happyhorn and directed the others away from her rather than to where she was to capture or kill her. Fortunately, he's the one in charge. P-21 immediately identifies him as a "raping bastard," which is Blackjack's first knowledge of the fact, and she states he was one of them, which Nails confirms before thanking her for helping with the attack. Interestingly, that and the fact that Security spared his life back on the Seahorse, where the cybermare Security running the show never would, are about all it took for him to know that Blackjack is the real deal. Which probably places him just behind Boo in terms of recognising her. Scalpel of course objects, saying "who cares?" when their boss, whoever she is, wants her dead. But Nails cuts her off, and asks about Steel Rain. Blackjack affirms that he's dead, and that she killed him. He has a recording from Steel Rain, one which says that the Harbingers is a trap, from Dawn to Cognitum. He says Nails will know the real Security when he sees her, puts him in charge of the Harbingers, and says that in the event he's dead, he wants revenge on Security, Cognitum, and the Legate. Nails insists against pressure from Scalpel to kill Blackjack that he'll "fight to the last, but only for a mare who deserves it." And, having said already how Cognitum wouldn't have spared him, he knows which one that is. Nails asks if there's anything more she can do to help, and she gets on the radio to order in reinforcements and resupply, but Nails has to take orders from Big Daddy, since he's calling the shots for her (I guess he's kind of in charge-ish of ground forces, under Goldenblood, at least when he's not busy doing things himself). Turns out the Reapers had killed Nails's gang a year before, but, taking a page out of Blackjack's book, he can at least work with him.
On their way out of the base, Blackjack has P-21 open up Twist's room, where she finds and enters a memory orb. I'm not thrilled with the timing, since I'm pretty sure that Blackjack had got better about that at some point and they are all in basically a semi-active battlefield. That aside, it's a memory from Twist of the day the bombs fell. She's at Miramare, chaos all around, and goes to see Colonel Cupcake. Cupcake is wonderful here, as he pretty much always has been, but long story short, he relieves Twist of her duty with the final order that she get her filly and protect her at all cost, suggesting they flee to the Highlands. Twist gets Peppermint, but on the way out they fight two mistcloaked zebras, and outside get strafed by a batwinged zebra. Peppermint is hit through the chest, and Twist cuts out the Phoenix Talisman to implant it in her, saving her instead. Interestingly, after it's removed from Twist, the memory doesn't end, but instead goes black for a few seconds before picking up from Peppermint's point of view. It ends soon after though, following a dying Twist asking Peppermint to promise that she'll "live . . . have a house and a family and a life," which Peppermint does, before Twist says her last words: "It's okay. Sometimes mommies get hur to save the lives of their babies." That promise especially stands out to Blackjack, and how much it must have hurt after Rampage had killed her own baby and wanted to die herself. But there's also another connection which she didn't think of as much: the contrast between her mother dying for her (and her dying words) and Rampage, as the Angel, killing hers. I certainly don't think that helped, either. All this gives Blackjack renewed conviction that "Rampage... needs [their] help."
Okay, that mostly wraps up the core pieces of the chapter, with the rest just some conversations between the excursions and the party afterwards. I'll just give some highlights of those.
The Seahorse and its crew are fine. Pisces is there, too, and still adorable (Capricorn is okay too, and also shows up later). Also interested in Brutus. Thrush is still Captain Jack Sparrow, who still plays beautifully off of Blackjack, and of course the crew.
Psalm really doesn't want to fight again, feeling that it was the wrong choice for her all along, and that she was, personally, a murderer. She doesn't want to return to that. Crumpets isn't a fan of that line of thought. Later on, the two of them are talking about Stronghoof, and how he still loves Psalm, for all that Psalm isn't Lacunae at all. Psalm further protests she doesn't deserve it, and Crumpets just goes off on her about how Stronghoof isn't a saint himself, and in any case it's not about what you deserve, and she should be grateful that he honest to god loves her, because that's something exceedingly rare that plenty of people would kill for. Now, as-is, that can be taken as not about Crumpets and Stronghoof specifically, which would fit with the Crumpets-is-a-lesbian-who-is-not-in-love-with-Stronghoof interpretation that appeared to be the case for a while. But the passion it's delivered with seems to more naturally fit with her being in love with him, regardless of what she's said about her orientation in the past. Sure, it doesn't need to be about him, but it probably is. Blackjack continues the conversation with Psalm, and hears about how Psalm loved, or at any rate had a crush on, Big Macintosh, and then she killed him. So that makes it hard for her to ever feel right loving someone romantically again, and it doesn't help how much Stronghoof reminds her of Mac.
Candlewick is still interested in Dazzle, and Toaster is still an emotionally abusive asshole who wants to crush the other gangs after the battle is over, including the Flash Fillies. Blackjack discusses it with Storm Front, who suggests that she focus on the battle in front of her, and let everyone else worry about their fights themselves.
Sweetie Bot is back, restored to her original personality. She's still adorable. She's also restored Applebot (who apparently wasn't just Cognitum, but controlled by her) and merged her with the AI from the interrogation program that had held Goldenblood. It's less single-minded about it now, but still interested in executing him. For now, they're looking like they might form another group of Wasteland wanderers, and hopefully will get to add a Scootabot. I hope this happens. Sweetie Bot has a sample of (Super Sexy) Horse's DNA, and hopes to make a clone of him. Blackjack points out that it would be "a mindless, soulless blank" (technically incorrectly on the blank part), and Sweetie says that would make him "perfect"; I happen to agree that it would be an improvement.
There's a reaction from Xanthe upon seeing Blackjack (blushing, then going invisible) that seems like it might have been Xanthejack bait. But then, that could just be me. Xanthe is still adorable.
Glory is talking with Tenebra, who is covering how useless and alienated her epilepsy makes her feel, coming from a race where everyone was expected to be a warrior, since she tends to get seizures in combat. Glory suggests she try taking up a distance weapon, perhaps sniping. Given the suspicion the seizures are induced by adrenaline, being out of immediate action might let her still contribute. But Tenebra isn't immediately taken with the idea, as the batponies are traditionally melee combatants. Then they get to talking about Blackjack, and Glory's breakup with her, with “I think it’d be better than hating yourself because you can’t be like someone else. Believe me, I’ve been guilty of that lately too” serving as the segue. Glory kind of wishes she could bring herself to hate Blackjack, but she can't. That's when Glory propositions Tenebra, then smiles goodnight to Blackjack.
- Chapter Seventy Editing:
- and try to have a few more–" Ugh, sterile body, remember, numbskull? "Or adoption... adoption's good. I really want lots of babies
non-directional quotation marks, maybe change first adoption to "adopt", since it's kind of replacing the verb phrase "try to have"?
My business was far to the east, farther than I’d ever gone before.
. . .
Power lines snaked this way and that eastwards towards the rest of Equestria.
Should that be "westwards towards the rest of Equestria"? If this is the farthest east Blackjack's ever been, and Hoofington is in the east, with Canterlot, Ponyville, and the rest in the west, shouldn't this reflect that?
“You better not be, cause I’m gonna kick
apostrophe for "cause"
“Beg pardon?” I blinked.
should have second space after quotation
“I saw the Seahorse get hit.”
She scowled at her crew. “Did not. You saw the Seahorse almost get hit.”
"Seahorse" should be italicized in each case
a bit of scorching aside?” Thrush rubbed her chin thoughtfully.
should have second space after quotation
Barring instant vaporization… “Could I use Folly to stop
should have second space after ellipsis
"What?" I asked in annoyance. . . .
“I’m trying! Energy weapons are easier!” she yelled back at me in annoyance.
suggest changing second "annoyance" to something like "frustration" or "irritation" since they're so close together
I whirled to stare at a gaunt gray unicorn with a bloody scalpel on her flank.
Scalpel is lavender, but with prematurely white mane. Cutie mark is a pair of crossed scalpels in 15 (no blood mentioned: "Her mane had gone prematurely white; I could still see hints of purple. A pair of crossed scalpels decorated her flank.")
“I told you. P-21 and Morning Glory and the impostor we were warned about,” the gaunt gray doctor said. “I remember them from Flank. Not many stallions with dots all over their flanks.”
lavender/purple
In the cafeteria, the gray doctor was peering at me with a sharp scowl.
lavender
and even she can’t force the healing that its going to take.
"it's"
I will too." He paused as Nails took the broadcaster, then fixed him with a look that portended a certain, cruel death. "One. Chance. Don't waste it."
non-directional quotation marks
I also realized something else: If Nails was no longer following the script,
"If" shouldn't be capitalized
He shouted something at her in zebra, and her hooves twisted with incredible force, snapping his neck.
"zebra" should be capitalized
“Aunty Shu shu taught me that one!” she said brightly.
should second "shu" be capitalized?
But you need a doctor, mommy!” she begged, sniffling.
"mommy" should be capitalized
Again my words died out as Triage, Sagittarius, Virgo, a red earth pony mare with a flame cutie mark I guessed was Aries, and a limping green pony I hadn’t seen in months, Leo, trotted in.
Original Leo was orange (14: From the middle of the hunters stepped an orange earth pony with a red mane and a lion cutie mark. He was dressed in one of the most elaborate battle saddles I’d ever seen. He wore a helmet with a pair of targeting goggles attached to the brim. His beam rifle showed heavy modifications that I could only guess were what had allowed him to shoot through me. “Well now. Looks like old Leo Zodiac finally brought down Security, eh folks?”)
The ghouls Windclop the mayor, Willow the security mare, Velvet the... what did you call a pony who made naughty underwear anyway?... and Boing.
since Boing isn't a ghoul, should there be an "and" before "Velvet", maybe also replacing the current "and" with a different linker such as "along with" or a verb like "brought"?
Storm Front and P-21 sat off to the side, each drinking and beer and nodding to each other.
bolded "and" should be "a", or possibly nothing (though in the latter case, probably without "each" either)
“Hokey Dokie!” Applebot said, beamed at me.
should have only one space after quotation, "beamed" should be "beaming" or there needs to be a conjunction or something after the comma
How could I dare to love again after doing that?” Psalm said, striding from
should have only one space after quotation
I think Toaster might just try it. Or were you asking
only one space after period
do is eat a bullet," he rumbled.
non-directional quotation mark
"Losing Diamond Flash was a blow
non-directional quotation mark
That Dawn and her Goddess, Cognitum, are using all of you as chumps.
I don't thing that "Goddess" should be capitalized in this case
“Hey, Blackjack,” she said, and then she returned her attention to Tenebra, “I think, if we take it slow, it’ll be just fine,” she said as she
The comma after "Tenebra" should be a period. Currently there's a comma splice and the following quotation is sort-of double-tagged
- Other Editing:
- 13:
The Operative looked at me, his hooves folding on the table in front of him.
"Operative" shouldn't be capitalized
The tiny pupils, yellowed eyes and rictus grin took care of any other
comma after "eyes"
it to applesauce in the dirt. “That’s Enclave
only one space after period
‘Cuuuuunnnttttt!’ roared the back of my mind, sounding rather eerily like Deus.
suggest dropping "rather"
It was a short list. I’m not that inventive.
"wasn't that inventive"?
You should not be here. You reek of
only one space after period
But it’s not my job.” She turned and
only one space after period
Leave Morning to us,” and without another word she walked back down the stairs.
quotation should end with period and have second space after, "and" should be capitalized
‘Sweet Celestia, did I just get shot again?’ I thought, as everything faded to black.
extra space after question mark
Worst of all though, he hadn’t stopped smiling.
comma after "all"
my ‘wings’... my PipBuck... my grin. The automatic pistol
only one space after period
Some electrical cord and duct tape later, I had him tied up and now carried two automatic pistols.
suggest "now carried" to "was carrying" or just "carried" (the "now" seems awkwardly redundant as a second timing description, after the leading phrase)
We need... It doesn’t
should have second space after ellipsis
Take a Buck, a Hydra, and shot of Stampede if you need to and beat her into paste with your bare hooves.
Should the Hydra be something else? What's Hydra supposed to do there?
I didn’t talk, threaten, or even blink as he started to shake, “Get the keys and open the door,” I said slowly.
the comma before the quotation should be a period
“Don’t come out,” was all I told him as I searched his ally and found the Buck, a large syringe marked with a four headed dragon critter, probably Hydra, and the injection kit I figured was Stampede.
if the earlier Hydra is changed, this one should be, too. suggest changing "the injection kit I figured was Stampede" to "an injection kit I figured was [the] Stampede"
I slammed my hooves against the mirrored window. The glass rattled, but aside from drawing a glance they continued their work.
suggest changing "drawing" to "sparing" or similar: "they" didn't draw a glance, the [rattling of the] glass did.
I chowed down on the Buck, shot myself full of Hydra, and then without the slightest hesitation injected myself with the Stampede.
if replacing first Hydra, here too
I slipped the shell in as another burst of light hit the tarmac next to me, blowing me off my hooves and peppering me with more shrapnel.
suggest changing "shrapnel" to "debris" since I think it's pieces of the tarmac (also, does "burst of light" indicate energy weapons, like indicated earlier in the chapter? if so, in "The roar of the guns kept me moving and scrabbling for cover as I thought desperately of anything I had that could put a dent in it!" is "roar" the right word for the sound of the Vertibuck's guns?)
“I’m not a dashite. I’m not like
only one space after period
14:
Finally, we got though to the stable door.
"through", not "though"
She’d never lay around and mope like this.
"lie" not "lay"
17:
Why is it I can speak zebra?
"zebra" should be capitalized
24:
he knew things that I couldn’t imagine anypony knowing. He could read zebra and speak dragon.
"zebra" and "dragon" should be capitalized
26:
Why do you care? Sekashi said--“
inverted quotation marks
and he spat out something forcefully in zebra.
"zebra" should be capitalized
Rampage yelled something in zebra and actually somersaulted into the air to
"zebra" should be capitalized
“You had no right to interfere!” she spat, muttering something in zebra.
"zebra" should be capitalized
37:
the wandering miracle doctors."
"I fell in love with him,
But by then I was pregnant."
"I wouldn't recommend it, personally.
non-directional quotation marks
46:“And why is it speaking in pony?” The suit shook its... collar.
"pony" should be capitalized
48:
She cursed in zebra and smashed her head again against the wall with another crunch.
"zebra" should be capitalized
49:
others screaming in rage against their imprisonment, and others babbling in zebra.
"zebra" should be capitalized
You might make me able to only speak in zebra, make me forget the letter S,
"zebra" should be capitalized
50:
‘surrender’, ‘drop your weapon’, and ‘follow’ in zebra as I moved out with the
"zebra" should be capitalized
51:
“I don’t know. It was in zebra,” Glory said with a worried frown.
"zebra" should be capitalized
there were indeed signs of proof that a biological weapon was being adapted by this Operative to infect pegasi,
"Operative" shouldn't be capitalized
54:
The shooter swore in zebra and with even more force tore the rifle’s barrel from my magical grasp.
"zebra" should be capitalized
55:
Sweetie Bot trotted around and spoke to the other attendees in zebra.
"zebra" should be capitalized
Last edited by Icy Shake on Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Thoroar Tue Apr 21, 2015 5:46 am
Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:22 am
@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.
Eh. One does rather get the impression that Fallout Equestria: Team Imaginary Friend could be its own story. :)
Right, after listening to a video of a NV gatling laser firing, I've changed it to "high-speed clatter-squeak".
Also, you seem to have missed it in this chapter, but "Dashite" is meant to be capitalized; sorry.
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS! DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."
By this point I'm not really sure what a logical shipping situation for Blackjack is in the future, though.
Ah, thank you very much as always.
They are both alive as of the end of 74.Icy Shake wrote:Especially since Afterburner and Hoarfrost are probably still alive (unless I forgot).
Hm, yes, where did Cerberus get off to? He was at the assembly in Chapel but appears to have not been on the mission into the Grimhoof bunker in the first place.Icy Shake wrote:and Cerberus didn't seem to be with them in the last check-in
Chapter 70 wrote:Silver Spoon, Xanthe, Carrion, Cerberus, and Snails trotted and floated up to the house as well.
Hm, though actually, I'm not sure when he joined the team.Chapter 72 wrote:Xanthe, Carrion, Silver Spoon, and Snails had been given the bunker under Grimhoof Army Base to eliminate.
Oh, and he wasn't with them when they drove the slavers from Paradise Mall, either.Chapter 65 wrote:“This wasn’t her doing. This is what happens to a pony who meddles in souls. My bones are my own soul jar now,” he said, then paused and asked again, “Did you save Snails?”
“I did! He’s fine. He’s out with Xanthe and Silver Spoon and Carrion. They’re looking for Diamond Tiara, if you can believe it.”
That news seems to have been old even when it reached Blackjack, though, and that was before her trip to Thunderhead. Plenty of time for them to go back to Meatlocker for one reason or another and take him with them when they left. The bit in 65 is after she spent three months in the Core, though, and using the Perceptitron... so it seems slightly odd that Cerberus would just happen to be out of sight and not mentioned when she looked in on Xanthe. Also odd for her to have not looked in on Xanthe at all, though both are still possible.Chapter 57 wrote:“Two of them were ghouls and one a zebra, but they were quite capable. They said they were funding a trip to Shattered Hoof Ridge of all places.”
“Xanthe? Snails? Carrion? Silver Spoon?” I asked with an idiot grin.
“That’s them,” Bottlecap said, then grinned. “Keeper was very put out that you didn’t do it, though.”
Eh. One does rather get the impression that Fallout Equestria: Team Imaginary Friend could be its own story. :)
Make it harder to take them out, presumably?Icy Shake wrote:What's Hydra supposed to do there?
Thanks for catching that. Hm...Icy Shake wrote:is "roar" the right word for the sound of the Vertibuck's guns?
Right, after listening to a video of a NV gatling laser firing, I've changed it to "high-speed clatter-squeak".
Also, you seem to have missed it in this chapter, but "Dashite" is meant to be capitalized; sorry.
Thanks. I didn't bother mentioning the "prematurely" bit, though; leaving aside that Blackjack's busy, with everything that's happened since the last time Blackjack last saw her, it might not even be apparent anymore.Icy Shake wrote:Scalpel is lavender, but with prematurely white mane. Cutie mark is a pair of crossed scalpels in 15 (no blood mentioned: "Her mane had gone prematurely white; I could still see hints of purple. A pair of crossed scalpels decorated her flank.")
...Ah, yes. And also retired and replaced by a griffin at this point. Thanks!Icy Shake wrote:Original Leo was orange
Hm, interesting interpretation.Icy Shake wrote:In fairness, I don't think that's the main thing that could have been left out. What purpose, for instance, did telling everyone about masturbating thinking about Rarity serve in promoting the post-S&R order, or in an apologetic for her? Or talking about how she found the enchanted zebra rifle horrifying, but then just kept using it without comment or reaction thereafter? Frankly, it seems like a rush job where Life Bloom was chosen as editor because he was a friend rather than because he knew what he was doing.
Also an interesting point.Icy Shake wrote:Wonder if the "Nope" was to echo Big Macintosh. And the stallion's protest is particularly ironic here, since of just about everything Blackjack's ever picked up, this is one where she has one of the best cases that it really does (or ought to) belong to her, and always did.
Ah, yes, that makes sense. :DIcy Shake wrote:Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS! DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."
Well, I don't recall interpreting it as such before...Icy Shake wrote:Is this Xanthejack bait?
By this point I'm not really sure what a logical shipping situation for Blackjack is in the future, though.
I think that you probably meant to put this sentence at the start of the paragraph after the one it's currently at the start of.Icy Shake wrote:Turns out, he does: Big Macintosh's locker at Miramare.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:26 am
No comment (partly because I don't know).Thoroar wrote:Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
Also, I think that I may have forgotten to welcome you to the forum the when you posted in this thread previously; if so, my apologies, and welcome now. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:43 am
I swear to Celestia and Luna, is Blackjack ends up alone with nothing more than seven graves for company then there will be rioting on this forum. There will be no crevice or deep ocean trench where you can hide!O. Hinds wrote:No comment (partly because I don't know).Thoroar wrote:Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
Also, I think that I may have forgotten to welcome you to the forum the when you posted in this thread previously; if so, my apologies, and welcome now. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Thoroar Tue Apr 21, 2015 8:40 am
Swicked's comment earlier made me think that maybe that's how it'll end up. It was mentioned in a previous chapter how much it sucks to die last. To be the last one left standing, seeing only death around you. Seeing everyone you have fought for, given your everything for, dead.O. Hinds wrote:No comment (partly because I don't know).Thoroar wrote:Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
Also, I think that I may have forgotten to welcome you to the forum the when you posted in this thread previously; if so, my apologies, and welcome now. :)
Maybe you actually managed to fulfill everything you worked for, but what does that matter if everyone you did it for are dead?
Thank you very much. It's a nice place to lurk :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:28 am
Yeah, first with the E-books. Now with the Drawponies scandal?!
This year is already crazy enough thanks, and it's only April. Imagine what's going to happen throughout the year!
But I do forgive him though... Me being an artist I understand the pressure the fans do give when they really want something out quick... I give him one more chance, if he stuffs this up. I'm not ever going to forgive him...
This year is already crazy enough thanks, and it's only April. Imagine what's going to happen throughout the year!
But I do forgive him though... Me being an artist I understand the pressure the fans do give when they really want something out quick... I give him one more chance, if he stuffs this up. I'm not ever going to forgive him...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Tue Apr 21, 2015 1:48 pm
Forgive my ignorance, but who is Drawpony and what did he do?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Laperlazus Tue Apr 21, 2015 2:57 pm
Famous brony artist, spent three years tracing and somehow made enough money from vending and commissions that he literally lives off of selling pony merchandise. With the traced art.
Also known for very pushy business tactics to draw customers away from other vendors.
Sorry for sudden barging in. Long time lurker, not a first time poster. Happy to officially meet ya'll.
Also known for very pushy business tactics to draw customers away from other vendors.
Sorry for sudden barging in. Long time lurker, not a first time poster. Happy to officially meet ya'll.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Apr 21, 2015 8:41 pm
Welcome to the forum!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:43 pm
Looks like it; fixed, and thank you.O. Hinds wrote:I think that you probably meant to put this sentence at the start of the paragraph after the one it's currently at the start of.Icy Shake wrote:Turns out, he does: Big Macintosh's locker at Miramare.
No problem. Wasn't sure whether that change was being made. I'll remember for later.O. Hinds wrote:Also, you seem to have missed it in this chapter, but "Dashite" is meant to be capitalized; sorry.
O. Hinds wrote:Hm, yes, where did Cerberus get off to? He was at the assembly in Chapel but appears to have not been on the mission into the Grimhoof bunker in the first place.Icy Shake wrote:and Cerberus didn't seem to be with them in the last check-inChapter 70 wrote:Silver Spoon, Xanthe, Carrion, Cerberus, and Snails trotted and floated up to the house as well.Hm, though actually, I'm not sure when he joined the team.Chapter 72 wrote:Xanthe, Carrion, Silver Spoon, and Snails had been given the bunker under Grimhoof Army Base to eliminate.Oh, and he wasn't with them when they drove the slavers from Paradise Mall, either.Chapter 65 wrote:“This wasn’t her doing. This is what happens to a pony who meddles in souls. My bones are my own soul jar now,” he said, then paused and asked again, “Did you save Snails?”
“I did! He’s fine. He’s out with Xanthe and Silver Spoon and Carrion. They’re looking for Diamond Tiara, if you can believe it.”That news seems to have been old even when it reached Blackjack, though, and that was before her trip to Thunderhead. Plenty of time for them to go back to Meatlocker for one reason or another and take him with them when they left. The bit in 65 is after she spent three months in the Core, though, and using the Perceptitron... so it seems slightly odd that Cerberus would just happen to be out of sight and not mentioned when she looked in on Xanthe. Also odd for her to have not looked in on Xanthe at all, though both are still possible.Chapter 57 wrote:“Two of them were ghouls and one a zebra, but they were quite capable. They said they were funding a trip to Shattered Hoof Ridge of all places.”
“Xanthe? Snails? Carrion? Silver Spoon?” I asked with an idiot grin.
“That’s them,” Bottlecap said, then grinned. “Keeper was very put out that you didn’t do it, though.”
Eh. One does rather get the impression that Fallout Equestria: Team Imaginary Friend could be its own story. :)
As for Blackjack not looking in on Xanthe, it could be she did, but it wasn't interesting enough to warrant a scene. It's not like the half-dozen or so from the chapter were all that happened, just presumably the ones that made the best theater, were most integral to the plot, or most directly concerned Blackjack.O. Hinds wrote:Ah, yes, that makes sense. :DIcy Shake wrote:Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS! DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."
Heh. That classic captures
Of course, it's also possible that Cerberus isn't part of the group, but just happened to be with them at the big gathering that drew everyone from everywhere. Might have been presumptuous on my part. Still fun to think of him having to sit out some jobs where he'd be a liability, though. And it would be interesting for them to have their own story if anyone decided to write it.
On a related note . . .
True about the replacement. But it's not like Leo Classic couldn't still hang out with the Zodiacs.O. Hinds wrote:...Ah, yes. And also retired and replaced by a griffin at this point. Thanks!Icy Shake wrote:Original Leo was orange
I'm not hearing a "no". . .O. Hinds wrote:Well, I don't recall interpreting it as such before...Icy Shake wrote:Is this Xanthejack bait?
By this point I'm not really sure what a logical shipping situation for Blackjack is in the future, though.
But yeah, just one of those things. Not something I'm seriously thinking about that much, but fun because of how Xanthe reacts to her. And if nothing else, think of all the cheesy Blackjack/Xanthe specific come-on/pick-up line variants that exist. Sure, it could probably get pulled out only once or twice, but it's fun to make them up!
"After tonight, you'll be sure I'm no Maiden."
"You've already been cursed, so why not let me make you see stars?"
"Say the word, and I'll curse every inch of you you want me to."
Unrelated note: my situation's changed, and I will be making it to Everfree Northwest. So I thought I'd ask here and on the Chat Thread before casting a wider net elsewhere: is there anyone going who hasn't made lodging plans yet or has space left and would be interested in sharing a room?
Last edited by Icy Shake on Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:59 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:41 am
Got some more for the editing team:
Which reminds me...
74 was... pretty gloomy. But that's certainly in keeping with the theme of the work, isn't it? I just wonder how many ponies will actually be alive by the end of this, as opposed to turning into a sea of LCL or one of those other equally-awful fates that go along with world-shattering events like the ones that are unfolding right now.
Keep up the good work, guys. Sorry I haven't been able to contribute much lately. This new job of mine has been pretty hectic, at times, but things are finally settling down a bit.
- Chapter 9 Proofing:
- Thus, when P-21 and Glory state that I was an absolute idiot facing down five farm ponies almost unarmed and unarmored, I can only conclude they are right. When they elaborate that I should have involved them because my safety matters to them, I likewise can only assume they know something I’m missing.
There’s just one catch. It seems that with two events I had somehow placed a rather gargantuan bounty on my head. The simple act of cutting my head and PipBuck off and presenting them to one Reaper named Deus would earn a staggering amount of wealth. Capturing me alive would double that amount, presumably so that Deus could take his time torturing me and violating my anus. He’s that kind of pony.
P-21 would have me kill any and all would-be bounty claimants. By attempting to take my life, he says, they have forfeited theirs. Eye for an eye. Hoof for a hoof. Everypony ends up blind and lame. I couldn’t do it. Those five ponies weren’t Deus. They weren’t monsters. They had a need for the money, same as anypony. I could have killed them easily. Playing it back in my head, it wouldn’t have taken much. They’d hoped to take me unawares and alone. A lucky shot in the night.
Was I wrong to let them live?
Morning Glory is put out with me for quite another reason. In facing said threats alone I somehow violated one of the tenets of friendship. One of us faces a threat, we all face it. That is apparently a rule of friendship. Trying to protect her was wrong. Better she stand beside me like she had fighting the dragon mutants. She wants to be there when I fight monsters. When I face bounty hunters. When I murder a roomful of traumatized children.
Didn’t she realize I wasn’t a good pony? I wasn’t a hero. I was just trying to do better because everywhere I looked I saw things getting worse and worse and the only thing that made any sense was trying to make it better. Old Hoss said that Big Macintosh was a hero because he would have given his life for anypony. I sometimes wondered if I could turn in the bounty on myself and split the proceeds among the Crusaders, P-21, and Glory.
She’s going to get hurt if she stays with me. Hurt very badly.
To top it all off, I had a mystery inside my PipBuck. A computer file that is apparently so valuable that my stable had been raided to retrieve it. It was encrypted. Finding out just what it was supposed to do was going to be likewise very expensive, yet it was the only reliable chance I had short of trusting the Enclave, which I wasn’t ready to do.
Grammar/Prose: Blackjack makes a habit of lapsing into present tense during some introductory scenes in certain chapters. All the highlighted words should be in past tense, like so:
[Thus, when P-21 and Glory stated that I was an absolute idiot facing down five farm ponies almost unarmed and unarmored, I could only conclude they are right. When they elaborated that I should have involved them because my safety mattered to them, I likewise could only assume they knew something I didn't.
There was just one catch. It seemed that with two events I had somehow ended up with a rather gargantuan bounty on my head. The simple act of cutting my head and PipBuck off and presenting them to one Reaper named Deus would earn a staggering amount of wealth. Capturing me alive would double that amount, presumably so that Deus could take his time torturing me and violating my anus. He was that kind of pony.
P-21 would have me kill any and all would-be bounty claimants. By attempting to take my life, he assured me, they'd forfeited theirs. Eye for an eye. Hoof for a hoof. Everypony ending up blind and lame. I couldn’t do it. Those five ponies weren’t Deus. They weren’t monsters. They had a need for the money, same as anypony. I could have killed them easily. Playing it back in my head, it wouldn’t have taken much. They’d hoped to take me unawares and alone. A lucky shot in the night.
Was I wrong to let them live?
Morning Glory was put out with me for quite another reason. In facing said threats alone I had somehow violated one of the tenets of friendship. One of us faced a threat, we all faced it. That was apparently a rule of friendship. Trying to protect her was wrong. Better she stood beside me like she had fighting the dragon mutants. She wanted to be there when I fought monsters. When I faced down bounty hunters. When I murdered a roomful of traumatized children.
Didn’t she realize I wasn’t a good pony? I wasn’t a hero. I was just trying to do better because everywhere I looked I saw things getting worse and worse and the only thing that made any sense was trying to make it better. Old Hoss said that Big Macintosh was a hero because he would have given his life for anypony. I sometimes wondered if I could turn in the bounty on myself and split the proceeds among the Crusaders, P-21, and Glory.
She was going to get hurt if she stayed with me. Hurt very badly.
To top it all off, I had a mystery inside my PipBuck. A computer file that was apparently so valuable that my stable had been raided to retrieve it. It was encrypted. Finding out just what it was supposed to do was going to be likewise very expensive, yet it was the only reliable chance I had short of trusting the Enclave, which I wasn’t ready to do.]He reached into the drawer of the dean’s desk and withdrew a stack of faded flat paper cards covered in yellowing lamination.
Prose: Since they are paper, one would already assume they are flat. Consider revising to:
[He reached into the drawer of the dean’s desk and withdrew a stack of faded paper cards covered in yellowing lamination.]I would have laughed, but then again I laughed when Scoodle had seemed afraid in the boneyard. Not again. Besides, with the Wasteland, who knew what you might run into? “Well. If there are they’ll have to get through me first!” Sonata looked a little more at ease, at least.
Grammar/Prose: Missing comma. Also, it's difficult to tell who's speaking here. Consider separating the lines and adding a comma to the dialogue, like so:
[I would have laughed, but then again I laughed when Scoodle had seemed afraid in the boneyard. Not again. Besides, with the Wasteland, who knew what you might run into?
“Well. If there are, they’ll have to get through me first!” Sonata looked a little more at ease, at least.]Using our hall passes, P-21, Glory, and the Crusaders dispersed from the classroom and set about looting anything edible, drinkable, or medical they could get their hooves on.
Prose: Consider changing this to "their" hall passes. After all, they don't have Blackjack's.On the surface were a large administration building and two long barracks-style houses.
Prose: Consider shortening this to just "barracks". The way it is now, it looks like "-style houses" was appended just to avoid number issues. However "barracks" is like "deer". It is both singular and plural. One barracks. Two barracks. Three barracks. All are correct. Even if it were there just to clarify that they had been converted into more upscale living quarters, it seems redundant for two reasons; one, Blackjack can't see the interior of the buildings from here and doesn't know whether they're high-capacity or plush on the inside, and two, a barracks is already a dwelling space, so a "barracks-style house" is like saying "a house-style house".Slowly, I rose to my hooves and checked my E.F.S. Nothing. My eyes scanned the room slowly, mane itching like crazy. “Huh…” I muttered. Nothing at all.
Prose: Redundancy. Consider changing the second "slowly" to "thoroughly".Along the highway between the mine and the road was a strip mall. Most of the shops seemed more or less intact and there was a large gathering of ponies there. At least twenty or so. “Allegro? Who’s that?”
Prose: The division of these questions into two discrete sentences makes it look like Blackjack is asking who Allegro is (which is obviously absurd, since she knows who Allegro is). Consider revising to:
[Along the highway between the mine and the road was a strip mall. Most of the shops seemed more or less intact and there was a large gathering of ponies there. At least twenty or so. “Hey Allegro, who are these guys?”]Once past the checkpoint the train started to crawl towards Hoofington.
Grammar: Missing comma between words in bold.I had no clue how, but I’d like to know if he’d cooperate at all.
Grammar/Prose: Tense is iffy. Consider changing to past-tense, like so:
[I had no clue how, but I wanted to know if he’d cooperate at all.]“I’ve never even seen the stars with my own eyes. Or the sun. Or the moon. All I’ve ever seen is that.” I pointed out the window at the cloud layer.
Prose: This is most assuredly not all she's ever seen. She lived in Stable 99 for all her life up until the past week. Consider changing to:
[“I’ve never even seen the stars with my own eyes. Or the sun. Or the moon. All I’ve seen so far is that.” I pointed out the window at the cloud layer.]“Why? Because he’s a zebra?” I asked with a little half smile.
Grammar: Consider hyphenating to "half-smile".I am not a smart pony. For example, none of my plans are completely pulled together. There’re little gaps here and there that I have to fill in on the fly. Actually, if you look at all my plans, that’s how they generally run. Nice strings of improvisation piecing together a tiny bit of solid reasoning. This plan was simple: send the Pecos off on a wild parasprite hunt to the north. It’s not always just because my brain is being lazy, though. Sometimes, it’s because that no matter how well you plan, you’ll always hit that point where everything falls apart.
Grammar/Prose: She lapses into past tense once again. Consider revising to:
[I am not a smart pony. For example, none of my plans were completely pulled together. There were little gaps here and there that I had to fill in on the fly. Actually, if you looked at all my plans, that’s how they generally ran. Nice strings of improvisation piecing together a tiny bit of solid reasoning. This plan was simple: send the Pecos off on a wild parasprite hunt to the north. It was not always just because my brain was being lazy, though. Sometimes, it was because that no matter how well you planned things out, you’d always hit that point where everything fell completely apart.]Two ponies tried to return fire with a lever action rifle and a revolver, but in the twilight their accuracy was at a huge disadvantage.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated to "lever-action".The other, the unicorn with the lever action, wasted no time picking her shots.
Grammar: Ditto for this one.
[“Well you want my advice? Keep walking. Being a Pecos is hell out here. It’s fun enough when you can strut around in Flank, but we’re getting screwed in the worst ways here.”]
Grammar: Missing comma between words in bold.Five hands in I wasn’t winning, but I wasn’t losing either. “So what’s your story, Dusty?”
Grammar: Missing comma between words in bold.“My dad liked to say he specialized in ammunition, and he was happy to give out free samples to raiders. Then one day we did some business, and he found an armed grenade in his saddlebags. They came back and finished off the rest of us. I was only a year past my cutie mark, so they sold me in Paradise.”
Prose: Should be "an armed landmine". An armed grenade would have gone off too quickly for him to have discovered it just before his untimely demise.It was work, that was how he saw it.
Grammar: Comma should be replaced with a semicolon.Eventually, she got bored and the hooked up with the Pecos for some excitement.
Grammar: [the > then]A bit later the game broke up as Big Red and Harbinger left.
Grammar: Missing comma between words in bold.Lancer’s rifle made soft little ‘pffts, pffts’ and they turned into two dead guards.
Grammar: If I'm not mistaken, the onomatopoeia for a suppressed weapon is used in plural form twice. Consider revising to:
[Lancer’s rifle made a pair of soft little ‘pfft’ noises and they turned into two dead guards.]I resolved to never, ever, annoy a zebra who could make two ponies dead before the first one even started falling.
Grammar: Unnecessary comma after "ever". Consider deleting.“Please tell me you can take this off?” she asked as she pointed to the collar she wore.
Prose: The dialogue is not phrased as a question. Consider revising to:
[“Please tell me you can take this off,” she said as she pointed to the collar she wore.]“Into stone?” Okay. That just bumped him above Deus on the what the fuckometer.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "what-the-fuckometer".“He can fly?” the mare offered. I face hoofed. I just had to ask, didn’t I?
Grammar: Can be compounded as "facehoofed".A half dozen bobby pins lay scattered around him as he grit his teeth and scraped at the lock.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "half-dozen".“Good one, ain’t it? Lots of flexibility.” Now he had a definite expression. Worry. It looked good on him. The stoic mask was getting old.
Comment: I think I woke up the neighborhood laughing at this. Any plan involving Blackjack should, in fact, cause a cold, nervous sweat to start beading up one's brow, as a matter of course.A barricade had been built across the entrance to the sloping tunnel that lead underground.
Grammar: [lead > led]He gave me a little smirk. “Oh yeah? What if it turns out he was tragically transformed into a monster and wants only to be normal and loved?”
Comment: Dammit, P-21. Why are you right all the time? :DA long serpentine tail swayed back and forth behind him.
Grammar: Missing comma between words in bold.My shotgun was useless at this range, so I flipped it behind my back and drew one of the automatic assault carbines. I marveled as my PipBuck provided a clip of… interesting. Armor piercing rounds? My curiosity was piqued as I looked at the solid-jacketed bullets. I didn’t have many from the armory, but maybe I wouldn’t need that many.
Prose: To a casual observer, there wouldn't be much to tell a typical AP round apart from an FMJ one. Both of them tend to have a solid copper jacket, only instead of lead, there's a chunk of steel inside, which is less dense than lead and therefore attains higher velocities than an equivalent volume of lead for a given barrel length and amount of gunpowder. Some of them have colored tips to indicate that they're not just plain ol' military ball rounds. Consider revising "solid-jacketed bullets" to "saboted projectiles"; if the rounds had a subcaliber penetrator in a plastic sabot, this would be much, much more obvious than if they were steel-core AP. Also, there's the cool factor to think about.
I immediately began to take out every light I could. With each detonation more and more darkness claimed the interior.
Comment: Bit of a head-scratcher here. What is she using to take out the lights? A rifle? A grenade launcher? Are they just exploding from being shot, or is she actually using explosives on them?I know he probably planned on winging me away to tear me limb from limb. Only this time not only did I grab his scaly hide with all four hooves, I used every bit of magic I could to hold his wings in place.
Prose: There was another time? Consider revising to:
[I know he probably planned on winging me away to tear me limb from limb. Not only did I grab his scaly hide with all four hooves, I used every bit of magic I could to hold his wings in place.]I didn’t let go as we rolled back and forth over the rolling, tumbling rocks.
Prose: Redundancy. Consider revising to:
[I didn’t let go as we struggled viciously over the rolling, tumbling rocks.]
[Footnote: Level up
New Perk added: Tough hide (level 1) - The brutal experiences of the Equestrian Wasteland have toughened you. You gain +3 Damage Threshold for each level of this perk you take.]
Prose: For consistency, this should be revised to the following, line breaks included:
[Footnote: Level Up.
New Perk: Tough Hide (level 1) - The brutal experiences of the Equestrian Wasteland have toughened you. You gain +3 Damage Threshold for each level of this perk you take.]
Which reminds me...
- Chapter 3 Proofing:
- Footnote: Level Up.
Skill Note: Guns (50)
New Perk: Run and gun - Better accuracy with ranged weapons while moving.
Quest Perk: Minor Mutation: Rad Sight - When under the effects of minor radiation poisoning, gain +1 Perception in low light conditions. -15 to sneak, speech when not wearing sunglasses, authority glasses, or mirrored sunglasses.[/quote]
Grammar: Gun should be capitalized. Other than that, this one looks good.
74 was... pretty gloomy. But that's certainly in keeping with the theme of the work, isn't it? I just wonder how many ponies will actually be alive by the end of this, as opposed to turning into a sea of LCL or one of those other equally-awful fates that go along with world-shattering events like the ones that are unfolding right now.
Keep up the good work, guys. Sorry I haven't been able to contribute much lately. This new job of mine has been pretty hectic, at times, but things are finally settling down a bit.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:20 am
You're welcome.Icy Shake wrote:Looks like it; fixed, and thank you.
Thanks.Icy Shake wrote: No problem. Wasn't sure whether that change was being made. I'll remember for later.
Cerberus, you mean? Though I made and corrected that typo several times in my post, too, as I recall. :)Icy Shake wrote:Heh. That classic captures Carrion and the problems of bringing him along pretty brilliantly.
Hm, true. I don't think I'll bother changing it back at this point, though. And among other things, Leo Classic may well have decided to celebrate his retirement with a trip to scenic Far Away From Hoofington.Icy Shake wrote:True about the replacement. But it's not like Leo Classic couldn't still hang out with the Zodiacs.
:DIcy Shake wrote:But yeah, just one of those things. Not something I'm seriously thinking about that much, but fun because of how Xanthe reacts to her. And if nothing else, think of all the cheesy Blackjack/Xanthe specific come-on/pick-up line variants that exist. Sure, it could probably get pulled out only once or twice, but it's fun to make them up!
"After tonight, you'll be sure I'm no Maiden."
"You've already been cursed, so why not let me make you see stars?"
"Say the word, and I'll curse every inch of you you want me to."
Oh, nice. As for the rooms, though, Heartshine's handling that for most of the writing team, so I'm afraid that I don't really have that information about us. Sorry.Icy Shake wrote:Unrelated note: my situation's changed, and I will be making it to Everfree Northwest. So I thought I'd ask here and on the Chat Thread before casting a wider net elsewhere: is there anyone going who hasn't made lodging plans yet or has space left and would be interested in sharing a room?
@Train Dodger:
Ah, thank you very much.
LCL?Train Dodger wrote:as opposed to turning into a sea of LCL
In order, thanks, no problem, good luck, and good. :)Train Dodger wrote:Keep up the good work, guys. Sorry I haven't been able to contribute much lately. This new job of mine has been pretty hectic, at times, but things are finally settling down a bit.
I think you missed a few tense shifts in that opening. Sorry. Still, thank you for finding the ones you did and bringing them to my attention. :)
I changedTrain Dodger wrote:Also, it's difficult to tell who's speaking here. Consider separating the lines and adding a comma to the dialogue, like so:
"“Well. If there are they’ll have to get through me first!”"
to
"“Well. If there are, they’ll have to get through me first!” I replied."
to clear that up.
Hm... I don't think so, sorry. I don't really see a significant problem with the current version.Train Dodger wrote:Prose: Consider shortening this to just "barracks".
I used "Who're they" instead.Train Dodger wrote:Prose: The division of these questions into two discrete sentences makes it look like Blackjack is asking who Allegro is (which is obviously absurd, since she knows who Allegro is). Consider revising to:
I used "All I've ever seen of the sky" instead.Train Dodger wrote:Prose: This is most assuredly not all she's ever seen. She lived in Stable 99 for all her life up until the past week. Consider changing to:
Actually, looking through the story, I got 48 matches for "half smile" and only three for "half-smile", so I'll be standardizing the other way. Sorry.Train Dodger wrote:Grammar: Consider hyphenating to "half-smile".
I this case, I don't think so, sorry; it's semi-conversational.Train Dodger wrote:Grammar: Comma should be replaced with a semicolon.
I disagree, sorry. It is in the way it is said, is it not?Train Dodger wrote:Prose: The dialogue is not phrased as a question.
The nonhyphenated version appears to greatly predominate, actually; sorry.Train Dodger wrote:Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "half-dozen".
Interesting, but I don't think I'll make the change, sorry. Firstly, I read the text as the ammunition being identified by PipBuck, not by sight. Secondly, I'd rather not have to go through the entire story making sure that every mention of armor-piercing ammunition was consistent with a sabot design (or, possibly worse, make sure to mention that some were sabot designs and some weren't). I'm also skeptical that I have the authority to make such a large change on my own initiative, anyway. Sorry again, though.Train Dodger wrote:Prose: To a casual observer, there wouldn't be much to tell a typical AP round apart from an FMJ one. Both of them tend to have a solid copper jacket, only instead of lead, there's a chunk of steel inside, which is less dense than lead and therefore attains higher velocities than an equivalent volume of lead for a given barrel length and amount of gunpowder. Some of them have colored tips to indicate that they're not just plain ol' military ball rounds. Consider revising "solid-jacketed bullets" to "saboted projectiles"; if the rounds had a subcaliber penetrator in a plastic sabot, this would be much, much more obvious than if they were steel-core AP. Also, there's the cool factor to think about.
I changed "take out" to "shoot out", and presumably they are just exploding from being shot.Train Dodger wrote:Comment: Bit of a head-scratcher here. What is she using to take out the lights? A rifle? A grenade launcher? Are they just exploding from being shot, or is she actually using explosives on them?
I used "as we struggled on top of the" instead, sorry.Train Dodger wrote:Prose: Redundancy. Consider revising to:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:53 am
O. Hinds wrote:LCL?
You know, LCL. That tang-like substance that humanity reverted into at the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
O. Hinds wrote:In order, thanks, no problem, good luck, and good. :)
Thanks. ;)
I'm a marine engineer, so I work a very tight schedule. 15-hour days are common, if you include the commute. It messes with my sleep and with my head, sometimes, but I manage.
LOL, I like Blackjack. She's blue-collar to the core.
O. Hinds wrote:I think you missed a few tense shifts in that opening. Sorry. Still, thank you for finding the ones you did and bringing them to my attention. :)
I didn't miss it. I kind of deliberately avoided suggesting those changes in order to preserve the "I am not a smart pony" mantra the way it was. But I agree, it looks better with them all fixed.
O. Hinds wrote:I disagree, sorry. It is in the way it is said, is it not?
Not to be too pedantic, but... “Please tell me you can take this off?” is, grammatically and syntactically, a statement, not a question. If it were "Please tell me, can you take this off?", then the question mark would be correct. Whether the phrase is a question or a statement hinges on the configuration of two words in the sentence: "you can" or "can you", with the former being a statement and the latter being a question.
O. Hinds wrote:Interesting, but I don't think I'll make the change, sorry. Firstly, I read the text as the ammunition being identified by PipBuck, not by sight. Secondly, I'd rather not have to go through the entire story making sure that every mention of armor-piercing ammunition was consistent with a sabot design (or, possibly worse, make sure to mention that some were sabot designs and some weren't). I'm also skeptical that I have the authority to make such a large change on my own initiative, anyway. Sorry again, though.
Ah, got it. I did make sure to double-check the archive, though. When I think of a somewhat contentious change like that, I check it against the compiled, single-web-page version of PH at nallar.me (makes things very easy). I looked up "piercing" and couldn't find anything that would contradict the use of saboted ammunition. However, I agree, it would probably be a bit of a stretch. Again, saboted infantry rifle rounds are a rarity. They're more common in light and heavy machine guns, like the .50 SLAP round, when added penetration against wheeled armored vehicles is needed. I just thought this would be a good opportunity for Blackjack to showcase her weapon knowledge. Oh, and that reminds me. There are two instances in Chapter 9 where she said "clip" instead of the more correct "magazine". A clip is just a strip of metal that clamps a bunch of exposed cartridges together for fast reloading of a rifle's internal, fixed magazine. A removable box magazine completely encloses the rounds.
And again, you don't need to apologize. I tend to be pretty overzealous with my edit suggestions. And obsessive about firearms.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:13 pm
Ah, never seen that.Train Dodger wrote:You know, LCL. That tang-like substance that humanity reverted into at the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
:)Train Dodger wrote:LOL, I like Blackjack. She's blue-collar to the core.
Ah, okay, and thanks.Train Dodger wrote:I didn't miss it. I kind of deliberately avoided suggesting those changes in order to preserve the "I am not a smart pony" mantra the way it was. But I agree, it looks better with them all fixed.
Strictly grammatically, you are indeed correct. However, this is dialogue; have you never experienced someone using a questioning tone to make a question out of a sentence that is technically not one?Train Dodger wrote:Not to be too pedantic, but... “Please tell me you can take this off?” is, grammatically and syntactically, a statement, not a question. If it were "Please tell me, can you take this off?", then the question mark would be correct. Whether the phrase is a question or a statement hinges on the configuration of two words in the sentence: "you can" or "can you", with the former being a statement and the latter being a question.
nallar.me is indeed extremely useful. :)
Ah, thanks!Train Dodger wrote:There are two instances in Chapter 9 where she said "clip" instead of the more correct "magazine".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Thu Apr 23, 2015 12:22 am
I can hear this so clearly it hurts.O. Hinds wrote:Ah, yes, that makes sense. :DIcy Shake wrote:Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS! DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."
I have a feeling this tactic just plain wouldn't work on me, given how guilty I feel about walking away from a vendor's booth after they've greeted me and made conversation... (Which means I generally cruise by while trying not to make eye contact. I'm sorry, vendors! Really...)Laperlazus wrote:Also known for very pushy business tactics to draw customers away from other vendors.
I don't know why I feel that way, given that I'm pretty resistant to salesmanship in stores. Maybe it's because vendors are real people while professional salesmen are emotionless robots in suits and ties.
Yeah, I read it as just her embarrassment at getting caught having fun rather than wringing her hooves over being CURSED! all the time. But, then again, we all know what happens wherever the Maiden of the Stars travels...Icy Shake wrote:But yeah, just one of those things. Not something I'm seriously thinking about that much, but fun because of how Xanthe reacts to her. And if nothing else, think of all the cheesy Blackjack/Xanthe specific come-on/pick-up line variants that exist. Sure, it could probably get pulled out only once or twice, but it's fun to make them up!
Will you teach me how to say "Oh Celestia" in Zebra? Fair warning, I'm a slow learner.
I'm not the only one that mixes up Carrion and Cerberus on a regular basis?O. Hinds wrote:Cerberus, you mean? Though I made and corrected that typo several times in my post, too, as I recall. :)
OhthankCelestia.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Thu Apr 23, 2015 6:54 am
It does come through rather nicely, doesn't it? :)SilentCarto wrote:I can hear this so clearly it hurts.
:DSilentCarto wrote:Yeah, I read it as just her embarrassment at getting caught having fun rather than wringing her hooves over being CURSED! all the time. But, then again, we all know what happens wherever the Maiden of the Stars travels...
Will you teach me how to say "Oh Celestia" in Zebra? Fair warning, I'm a slow learner.
:)SilentCarto wrote:I'm not the only one that mixes up Carrion and Cerberus on a regular basis?
OhthankCelestia.
I don't actually get them confused (they're... kind of a bit different, personality-wise :)), but the names sometimes slip.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Thu Apr 23, 2015 11:37 pm
The names, yes. I know there's a ghoul griffon and a reprogrammed combat droid, but I keep picturing the griffon when I read "Cerberus". (It doesn't go the other way, fortunately. "Carrion" kinda only works for one of them.)O. Hinds wrote:I don't actually get them confused (they're... kind of a bit different, personality-wise :)), but the names sometimes slip.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Caoimhe Sat Apr 25, 2015 6:44 pm
Hooray for somber getting a SPEHSHUL SAMPAHNY. :3
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Laperlazus Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:01 pm
So Somber's other story kinda predicted the weather factory's lightning room.
Cool.
Cool.
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