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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Post by SilentCarto Sat Apr 18, 2015 9:53 pm

Somber wrote:
Somber wrote:blegh dunno my on frgnng charartrvtres  keep chammgeomgsjot didnow eat im doin.  stupd viccodn.  stpid bac.  stppd me



sprrie

I have no memory of writing this...
Don't worry, it happens to the best of us. The other day I was going through a chat log from when I was really tired* one evening and going, "I don't remember writing this... or this... okay, I barely remember this... what the...?"

*Wild Pegasus might have also been involved.
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Post by ILM126 Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:39 am

It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
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Post by Borsuq Mon Apr 20, 2015 11:46 am

ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\

It's always quiet before the storm hits...
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Post by Evilgidgit Mon Apr 20, 2015 12:05 pm

Borsuq wrote:
ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\

It's always quiet before the storm hits...
It's oh so quiet...shhh...shhh...it's nice and quiet...but soon again...

It starts another big riot!

Rage
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Post by ILM126 Mon Apr 20, 2015 1:34 pm

It really feels like something big is going down soon...

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 17 NIsJBNV

Just that line has been keeping me on the edge for the past week, waiting for those three words to be linked... I think everyone is just holding their breaths...

Takes deep breath => Yell
And hold! Applejack
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Post by ILM126 Mon Apr 20, 2015 1:41 pm

Ummm, maybe umm.... Half the ponies that we know in the story might die in the battle, this doesn't include any character from the original story. Goldenblood will get injured at some point and Scotch might be hurt as well or taken hostage by the Legate (damn, been three months since I read his name... The immortal, crazy, strong Zebra dude...).

I don't know, just wild (pegasus) guesses here.
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Post by decumos Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:47 pm

ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\
Everyone is too busy hating Drawponies right now. Oh, the scandal, oh, the tragedy!

swicked wrote:Any predictions on who else we're gonna see die among secondary characters and etc.?
I think Jon Snow is gonna... Oops, sorry, wrong franchise.
Er... Lancer, maybe? Most likely killed by Amadi himself.
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Post by SilentCarto Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:37 pm

Evilgidgit wrote:
Borsuq wrote:
ILM126 wrote:It seems to be a bit quiet on the forums now... :\

It's always quiet before the storm hits...
It's oh so quiet...shhh...shhh...it's nice and quiet...but soon again...

It starts another big riot!

Rage
We're rioting quietly.

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Post by SilentCarto Mon Apr 20, 2015 10:52 pm

swicked wrote:I know a fun game y'all can play!
Glory's heavily suspected dead, P-21's gone and Rampage is pretty out of the picture. And that's half the main cast!

Any predictions on who else we're gonna see die among secondary characters and etc.? Or do any of you think everone else will survive?
More than half. Lacunae's gone, which basically just leaves BJ, Scotch, and Boo out of the seven "main" teammates.

decumos wrote:I think Jon Snow is gonna... Oops, sorry, wrong franchise.
Now, now, Somber doesn't kill off characters that often. Spike

Speaking of which, if anyone's a fan of GoT and hasn't seen this... do so.
Sesame Street: Game of Chairs

decumos wrote:Er... Lancer, maybe? Most likely killed by Amadi himself.
I have a good feeling about Lancer. If anything, I kind of suspect he may be the one to strike the killing blow against Amadi with one of those starmetal knives the Brood use.
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:49 am

SilentCarto wrote:
swicked wrote:I know a fun game y'all can play!
Glory's heavily suspected dead, P-21's gone and Rampage is pretty out of the picture. And that's half the main cast!

Any predictions on who else we're gonna see die among secondary characters and etc.? Or do any of you think everone else will survive?
More than half. Lacunae's gone, which basically just leaves BJ, Scotch, and Boo out of the seven "main" teammates.
I kind of always identified the Dealer as the eighth. But then, that only tips the balance more.

SilentCarto wrote:
decumos wrote:I think Jon Snow is gonna... Oops, sorry, wrong franchise.
Now, now, Somber doesn't kill off characters that often. Spike
Especially for main characters. Remember back when Project Horizons was the "story where nobody dies*"?
*Offer only valid for main characters. Not redeemable in case of deaths that subsequently get better.

I suspect that either Candlewick or Storm Front will get killed by Toaster, possibly Dazzle. Brutus might go down, too. If the other Halfheart associated with the two hadn't already died, I'd be more confident that it was Storm Front on the chopping block.
Probably at least one of the Zodiacs. If going for impact, it'd probably have to be Pisces or Capricorn. Unless other readers don't prioritize cute as highly as I do. But sadly none of them have been around much to make particular lasting impact on me otherwise.
Mare Do Well. But probably not one of Calamity's brothers. Storm Chaser is a maybe. Especially since Afterburner and Hoarfrost are probably still alive (unless I forgot).
Likely someone from Team Imaginary Friend. I hope it's Carrion, because I just like the others more, and Cerberus didn't seem to be with them in the last check-in. I really hope Silver Spoon and Xanthe survive, followed by Snails.

Chapter Seventy Running Thoughts:
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Apr 21, 2015 12:51 am

Chapter Seventy Overall Thoughts:
Chapter Seventy Editing:
Other Editing:


Last edited by Icy Shake on Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Thoroar Tue Apr 21, 2015 5:46 am

Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.

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Post by O. Hinds Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:22 am

@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.

Icy Shake wrote:Especially since Afterburner and Hoarfrost are probably still alive (unless I forgot).
They are both alive as of the end of 74.

Icy Shake wrote:and Cerberus didn't seem to be with them in the last check-in
Hm, yes, where did Cerberus get off to? He was at the assembly in Chapel but appears to have not been on the mission into the Grimhoof bunker in the first place.
Chapter 70 wrote:Silver Spoon, Xanthe, Carrion, Cerberus, and Snails trotted and floated up to the house as well.
Chapter 72 wrote:Xanthe, Carrion, Silver Spoon, and Snails had been given the bunker under Grimhoof Army Base to eliminate.
Hm, though actually, I'm not sure when he joined the team.
Chapter 65 wrote:“This wasn’t her doing. This is what happens to a pony who meddles in souls. My bones are my own soul jar now,” he said, then paused and asked again, “Did you save Snails?”
“I did! He’s fine. He’s out with Xanthe and Silver Spoon and Carrion. They’re looking for Diamond Tiara, if you can believe it.”
Oh, and he wasn't with them when they drove the slavers from Paradise Mall, either.
Chapter 57 wrote:“Two of them were ghouls and one a zebra, but they were quite capable. They said they were funding a trip to Shattered Hoof Ridge of all places.”
“Xanthe? Snails? Carrion? Silver Spoon?” I asked with an idiot grin.
“That’s them,” Bottlecap said, then grinned. “Keeper was very put out that you didn’t do it, though.”
That news seems to have been old even when it reached Blackjack, though, and that was before her trip to Thunderhead. Plenty of time for them to go back to Meatlocker for one reason or another and take him with them when they left. The bit in 65 is after she spent three months in the Core, though, and using the Perceptitron... so it seems slightly odd that Cerberus would just happen to be out of sight and not mentioned when she looked in on Xanthe. Also odd for her to have not looked in on Xanthe at all, though both are still possible.
Eh. One does rather get the impression that Fallout Equestria: Team Imaginary Friend could be its own story. :)

Icy Shake wrote:What's Hydra supposed to do there?
Make it harder to take them out, presumably?

Icy Shake wrote:is "roar" the right word for the sound of the Vertibuck's guns?
Thanks for catching that. Hm...
Right, after listening to a video of a NV gatling laser firing, I've changed it to "high-speed clatter-squeak".

Also, you seem to have missed it in this chapter, but "Dashite" is meant to be capitalized; sorry.

Icy Shake wrote:Scalpel is lavender, but with prematurely white mane. Cutie mark is a pair of crossed scalpels in 15 (no blood mentioned: "Her mane had gone prematurely white; I could still see hints of purple. A pair of crossed scalpels decorated her flank.")
Thanks. I didn't bother mentioning the "prematurely" bit, though; leaving aside that Blackjack's busy, with everything that's happened since the last time Blackjack last saw her, it might not even be apparent anymore.

Icy Shake wrote:Original Leo was orange
...Ah, yes. And also retired and replaced by a griffin at this point. Thanks!

Icy Shake wrote:In fairness, I don't think that's the main thing that could have been left out. What purpose, for instance, did telling everyone about masturbating thinking about Rarity serve in promoting the post-S&R order, or in an apologetic for her? Or talking about how she found the enchanted zebra rifle horrifying, but then just kept using it without comment or reaction thereafter? Frankly, it seems like a rush job where Life Bloom was chosen as editor because he was a friend rather than because he knew what he was doing.
Hm, interesting interpretation.

Icy Shake wrote:Wonder if the "Nope" was to echo Big Macintosh. And the stallion's protest is particularly ironic here, since of just about everything Blackjack's ever picked up, this is one where she has one of the best cases that it really does (or ought to) belong to her, and always did.
Also an interesting point.

Icy Shake wrote:Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
Ah, yes, that makes sense. :D
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS! DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."

Icy Shake wrote:Is this Xanthejack bait?
Well, I don't recall interpreting it as such before...
By this point I'm not really sure what a logical shipping situation for Blackjack is in the future, though.

Icy Shake wrote:Turns out, he does: Big Macintosh's locker at Miramare.
I think that you probably meant to put this sentence at the start of the paragraph after the one it's currently at the start of.
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Post by O. Hinds Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:26 am

Thoroar wrote:Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
No comment (partly because I don't know).
Also, I think that I may have forgotten to welcome you to the forum the when you posted in this thread previously; if so, my apologies, and welcome now. :)
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Post by Evilgidgit Tue Apr 21, 2015 6:43 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Thoroar wrote:Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
No comment (partly because I don't know).
Also, I think that I may have forgotten to welcome you to the forum the when you posted in this thread previously; if so, my apologies, and welcome now.  :)
I swear to Celestia and Luna, is Blackjack ends up alone with nothing more than seven graves for company then there will be rioting on this forum. There will be no crevice or deep ocean trench where you can hide! Rage
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Post by Thoroar Tue Apr 21, 2015 8:40 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Thoroar wrote:Blackjack is going to die last, isn't she? She's going to have to watch all her friends disappear one by one, until she's the only one left.
No comment (partly because I don't know).
Also, I think that I may have forgotten to welcome you to the forum the when you posted in this thread previously; if so, my apologies, and welcome now.  :)
Swicked's comment earlier made me think that maybe that's how it'll end up. It was mentioned in a previous chapter how much it sucks to die last. To be the last one left standing, seeing only death around you. Seeing everyone you have fought for, given your everything for, dead. 

Maybe you actually managed to fulfill everything you worked for, but what does that matter if everyone you did it for are dead?

Thank you very much. It's a nice place to lurk :)

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Post by ILM126 Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:28 am

Yeah, first with the E-books. Now with the Drawponies scandal?!

This year is already crazy enough thanks, and it's only April. Imagine what's going to happen throughout the year!

But I do forgive him though... Me being an artist I understand the pressure the fans do give when they really want something out quick... I give him one more chance, if he stuffs this up. I'm not ever going to forgive him... Mercy
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Post by Silver136 Tue Apr 21, 2015 1:48 pm

Forgive my ignorance, but who is Drawpony and what did he do?
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Post by Laperlazus Tue Apr 21, 2015 2:57 pm

Famous brony artist, spent three years tracing and somehow made enough money from vending and commissions that he literally lives off of selling pony merchandise. With the traced art. 

Also known for very pushy business tactics to draw customers away from other vendors.

Sorry for sudden barging in. Long time lurker, not a first time poster. Happy to officially meet ya'll.

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Post by O. Hinds Tue Apr 21, 2015 8:41 pm

Welcome to the forum!
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:43 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Turns out, he does: Big Macintosh's locker at Miramare.
I think that you probably meant to put this sentence at the start of the paragraph after the one it's currently at the start of.
Looks like it; fixed, and thank you.

O. Hinds wrote:Also, you seem to have missed it in this chapter, but "Dashite" is meant to be capitalized; sorry.
No problem. Wasn't sure whether that change was being made. I'll remember for later.

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:and Cerberus didn't seem to be with them in the last check-in
Hm, yes, where did Cerberus get off to?  He was at the assembly in Chapel but appears to have not been on the mission into the Grimhoof bunker in the first place.
Chapter 70 wrote:Silver Spoon, Xanthe, Carrion, Cerberus, and Snails trotted and floated up to the house as well.
Chapter 72 wrote:Xanthe, Carrion, Silver Spoon, and Snails had been given the bunker under Grimhoof Army Base to eliminate.
Hm, though actually, I'm not sure when he joined the team.
Chapter 65 wrote:“This wasn’t her doing.  This is what happens to a pony who meddles in souls.  My bones are my own soul jar now,” he said, then paused and asked again, “Did you save Snails?”
       “I did!  He’s fine.  He’s out with Xanthe and Silver Spoon and Carrion.  They’re looking for Diamond Tiara, if you can believe it.”
Oh, and he wasn't with them when they drove the slavers from Paradise Mall, either.
Chapter 57 wrote:“Two of them were ghouls and one a zebra, but they were quite capable.  They said they were funding a trip to Shattered Hoof Ridge of all places.”
       “Xanthe?  Snails?  Carrion?  Silver Spoon?” I asked with an idiot grin.
       “That’s them,” Bottlecap said, then grinned.  “Keeper was very put out that you didn’t do it, though.”
That news seems to have been old even when it reached Blackjack, though, and that was before her trip to Thunderhead.  Plenty of time for them to go back to Meatlocker for one reason or another and take him with them when they left.  The bit in 65 is after she spent three months in the Core, though, and using the Perceptitron... so it seems slightly odd that Cerberus would just happen to be out of sight and not mentioned when she looked in on Xanthe.  Also odd for her to have not looked in on Xanthe at all, though both are still possible.
Eh.  One does rather get the impression that Fallout Equestria: Team Imaginary Friend could be its own story.  :)
O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
Ah, yes, that makes sense.  :D
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS!  DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."
As for Blackjack not looking in on Xanthe, it could be she did, but it wasn't interesting enough to warrant a scene. It's not like the half-dozen or so from the chapter were all that happened, just presumably the ones that made the best theater, were most integral to the plot, or most directly concerned Blackjack.
Heh. That classic captures CarrionCerberus and the problems of bringing him along pretty brilliantly.
Of course, it's also possible that Cerberus isn't part of the group, but just happened to be with them at the big gathering that drew everyone from everywhere. Might have been presumptuous on my part. Still fun to think of him having to sit out some jobs where he'd be a liability, though. And it would be interesting for them to have their own story if anyone decided to write it.

On a related note . . .
O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Original Leo was orange
...Ah, yes.  And also retired and replaced by a griffin at this point.  Thanks!
True about the replacement. But it's not like Leo Classic couldn't still hang out with the Zodiacs.

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Is this Xanthejack bait?
Well, I don't recall interpreting it as such before...
By this point I'm not really sure what a logical shipping situation for Blackjack is in the future, though.
I'm not hearing a "no". . .  Applebloom
But yeah, just one of those things. Not something I'm seriously thinking about that much, but fun because of how Xanthe reacts to her. And if nothing else, think of all the cheesy Blackjack/Xanthe specific come-on/pick-up line variants that exist. Sure, it could probably get pulled out only once or twice, but it's fun to make them up!
"After tonight, you'll be sure I'm no Maiden."
"You've already been cursed, so why not let me make you see stars?"
"Say the word, and I'll curse every inch of you you want me to."

Unrelated note: my situation's changed, and I will be making it to Everfree Northwest. So I thought I'd ask here and on the Chat Thread before casting a wider net elsewhere: is there anyone going who hasn't made lodging plans yet or has space left and would be interested in sharing a room?


Last edited by Icy Shake on Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:59 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Train Dodger Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:41 am

Got some more for the editing team:

Chapter 9 Proofing:

Which reminds me...

Chapter 3 Proofing:

74 was... pretty gloomy. But that's certainly in keeping with the theme of the work, isn't it? I just wonder how many ponies will actually be alive by the end of this, as opposed to turning into a sea of LCL or one of those other equally-awful fates that go along with world-shattering events like the ones that are unfolding right now.

Keep up the good work, guys. Sorry I haven't been able to contribute much lately. This new job of mine has been pretty hectic, at times, but things are finally settling down a bit.
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Post by O. Hinds Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:20 am

Icy Shake wrote:Looks like it; fixed, and thank you.
You're welcome.

Icy Shake wrote: No problem. Wasn't sure whether that change was being made. I'll remember for later.
Thanks.

Icy Shake wrote:Heh. That classic captures Carrion and the problems of bringing him along pretty brilliantly.
Cerberus, you mean? Though I made and corrected that typo several times in my post, too, as I recall. :)

Icy Shake wrote:True about the replacement. But it's not like Leo Classic couldn't still hang out with the Zodiacs.
Hm, true. I don't think I'll bother changing it back at this point, though. And among other things, Leo Classic may well have decided to celebrate his retirement with a trip to scenic Far Away From Hoofington.

Icy Shake wrote:But yeah, just one of those things. Not something I'm seriously thinking about that much, but fun because of how Xanthe reacts to her. And if nothing else, think of all the cheesy Blackjack/Xanthe specific come-on/pick-up line variants that exist. Sure, it could probably get pulled out only once or twice, but it's fun to make them up!
"After tonight, you'll be sure I'm no Maiden."
"You've already been cursed, so why not let me make you see stars?"
"Say the word, and I'll curse every inch of you you want me to."
:D

Icy Shake wrote:Unrelated note: my situation's changed, and I will be making it to Everfree Northwest. So I thought I'd ask here and on the Chat Thread before casting a wider net elsewhere: is there anyone going who hasn't made lodging plans yet or has space left and would be interested in sharing a room?
Oh, nice. As for the rooms, though, Heartshine's handling that for most of the writing team, so I'm afraid that I don't really have that information about us. Sorry.

@Train Dodger:
Ah, thank you very much.

Train Dodger wrote:as opposed to turning into a sea of LCL
LCL?

Train Dodger wrote:Keep up the good work, guys. Sorry I haven't been able to contribute much lately. This new job of mine has been pretty hectic, at times, but things are finally settling down a bit.
In order, thanks, no problem, good luck, and good. :)

I think you missed a few tense shifts in that opening. Sorry. Still, thank you for finding the ones you did and bringing them to my attention. :)

Train Dodger wrote:Also, it's difficult to tell who's speaking here. Consider separating the lines and adding a comma to the dialogue, like so:
I changed
"“Well. If there are they’ll have to get through me first!”"
to
"“Well. If there are, they’ll have to get through me first!” I replied."
to clear that up.

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: Consider shortening this to just "barracks".
Hm... I don't think so, sorry. I don't really see a significant problem with the current version.

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: The division of these questions into two discrete sentences makes it look like Blackjack is asking who Allegro is (which is obviously absurd, since she knows who Allegro is). Consider revising to:
I used "Who're they" instead.

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: This is most assuredly not all she's ever seen. She lived in Stable 99 for all her life up until the past week. Consider changing to:
I used "All I've ever seen of the sky" instead.

Train Dodger wrote:Grammar: Consider hyphenating to "half-smile".
Actually, looking through the story, I got 48 matches for "half smile" and only three for "half-smile", so I'll be standardizing the other way. Sorry.

Train Dodger wrote:Grammar: Comma should be replaced with a semicolon.
I this case, I don't think so, sorry; it's semi-conversational.

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: The dialogue is not phrased as a question.
I disagree, sorry. It is in the way it is said, is it not?

Train Dodger wrote:Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "half-dozen".
The nonhyphenated version appears to greatly predominate, actually; sorry.

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: To a casual observer, there wouldn't be much to tell a typical AP round apart from an FMJ one. Both of them tend to have a solid copper jacket, only instead of lead, there's a chunk of steel inside, which is less dense than lead and therefore attains higher velocities than an equivalent volume of lead for a given barrel length and amount of gunpowder. Some of them have colored tips to indicate that they're not just plain ol' military ball rounds. Consider revising "solid-jacketed bullets" to "saboted projectiles"; if the rounds had a subcaliber penetrator in a plastic sabot, this would be much, much more obvious than if they were steel-core AP. Also, there's the cool factor to think about.
Interesting, but I don't think I'll make the change, sorry. Firstly, I read the text as the ammunition being identified by PipBuck, not by sight. Secondly, I'd rather not have to go through the entire story making sure that every mention of armor-piercing ammunition was consistent with a sabot design (or, possibly worse, make sure to mention that some were sabot designs and some weren't). I'm also skeptical that I have the authority to make such a large change on my own initiative, anyway. Sorry again, though.

Train Dodger wrote:Comment: Bit of a head-scratcher here. What is she using to take out the lights? A rifle? A grenade launcher? Are they just exploding from being shot, or is she actually using explosives on them?
I changed "take out" to "shoot out", and presumably they are just exploding from being shot.

Train Dodger wrote:Prose: Redundancy. Consider revising to:
I used "as we struggled on top of the" instead, sorry.
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Post by Train Dodger Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:53 am

O. Hinds wrote:LCL?

You know, LCL. That tang-like substance that humanity reverted into at the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

O. Hinds wrote:In order, thanks, no problem, good luck, and good. :)

Thanks. ;)

I'm a marine engineer, so I work a very tight schedule. 15-hour days are common, if you include the commute. It messes with my sleep and with my head, sometimes, but I manage.

LOL, I like Blackjack. She's blue-collar to the core.

O. Hinds wrote:I think you missed a few tense shifts in that opening. Sorry. Still, thank you for finding the ones you did and bringing them to my attention. :)

I didn't miss it. I kind of deliberately avoided suggesting those changes in order to preserve the "I am not a smart pony" mantra the way it was. But I agree, it looks better with them all fixed.

O. Hinds wrote:I disagree, sorry. It is in the way it is said, is it not?

Not to be too pedantic, but... “Please tell me you can take this off?” is, grammatically and syntactically, a statement, not a question. If it were "Please tell me, can you take this off?", then the question mark would be correct. Whether the phrase is a question or a statement hinges on the configuration of two words in the sentence: "you can" or "can you", with the former being a statement and the latter being a question.

O. Hinds wrote:Interesting, but I don't think I'll make the change, sorry. Firstly, I read the text as the ammunition being identified by PipBuck, not by sight. Secondly, I'd rather not have to go through the entire story making sure that every mention of armor-piercing ammunition was consistent with a sabot design (or, possibly worse, make sure to mention that some were sabot designs and some weren't). I'm also skeptical that I have the authority to make such a large change on my own initiative, anyway. Sorry again, though.

Ah, got it. I did make sure to double-check the archive, though. When I think of a somewhat contentious change like that, I check it against the compiled, single-web-page version of PH at nallar.me (makes things very easy). I looked up "piercing" and couldn't find anything that would contradict the use of saboted ammunition. However, I agree, it would probably be a bit of a stretch. Again, saboted infantry rifle rounds are a rarity. They're more common in light and heavy machine guns, like the .50 SLAP round, when added penetration against wheeled armored vehicles is needed. I just thought this would be a good opportunity for Blackjack to showcase her weapon knowledge. Oh, and that reminds me. There are two instances in Chapter 9 where she said "clip" instead of the more correct "magazine". A clip is just a strip of metal that clamps a bunch of exposed cartridges together for fast reloading of a rifle's internal, fixed magazine. A removable box magazine completely encloses the rounds.

And again, you don't need to apologize. I tend to be pretty overzealous with my edit suggestions. And obsessive about firearms.

Crazy
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Post by O. Hinds Wed Apr 22, 2015 6:13 pm

Train Dodger wrote:You know, LCL. That tang-like substance that humanity reverted into at the end of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Ah, never seen that.

Train Dodger wrote:LOL, I like Blackjack. She's blue-collar to the core.
:)

Train Dodger wrote:I didn't miss it. I kind of deliberately avoided suggesting those changes in order to preserve the "I am not a smart pony" mantra the way it was. But I agree, it looks better with them all fixed.
Ah, okay, and thanks.

Train Dodger wrote:Not to be too pedantic, but... “Please tell me you can take this off?” is, grammatically and syntactically, a statement, not a question. If it were "Please tell me, can you take this off?", then the question mark would be correct. Whether the phrase is a question or a statement hinges on the configuration of two words in the sentence: "you can" or "can you", with the former being a statement and the latter being a question.
Strictly grammatically, you are indeed correct. However, this is dialogue; have you never experienced someone using a questioning tone to make a question out of a sentence that is technically not one?

nallar.me is indeed extremely useful. :)

Train Dodger wrote:There are two instances in Chapter 9 where she said "clip" instead of the more correct "magazine".
Ah, thanks!
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Post by SilentCarto Thu Apr 23, 2015 12:22 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Oh right, Cerberus is still alive. Guess he's not on the infiltration team, I think, since he'd be a massive liability for stealth.
Ah, yes, that makes sense.  :D
"Okay, so I'll cloak and go around there to plant explosives, Carrion will creep up to that catwalk, Silver--"
"ALRIGHT TROOPS, LET'S DO THIS!  DIE ZEBRA SCUM!"
"Oh Maiden."
I can hear this so clearly it hurts.  Spike

Laperlazus wrote:Also known for very pushy business tactics to draw customers away from other vendors.
I have a feeling this tactic just plain wouldn't work on me, given how guilty I feel about walking away from a vendor's booth after they've greeted me and made conversation... (Which means I generally cruise by while trying not to make eye contact. I'm sorry, vendors! Really...)  Shy

I don't know why I feel that way, given that I'm pretty resistant to salesmanship in stores. Maybe it's because vendors are real people while professional salesmen are emotionless robots in suits and ties. Crazy

Icy Shake wrote:But yeah, just one of those things. Not something I'm seriously thinking about that much, but fun because of how Xanthe reacts to her. And if nothing else, think of all the cheesy Blackjack/Xanthe specific come-on/pick-up line variants that exist. Sure, it could probably get pulled out only once or twice, but it's fun to make them up!
Yeah, I read it as just her embarrassment at getting caught having fun rather than wringing her hooves over being CURSED! all the time. But, then again, we all know what happens wherever the Maiden of the Stars travels...

Will you teach me how to say "Oh Celestia" in Zebra? Fair warning, I'm a slow learner.

O. Hinds wrote:Cerberus, you mean?  Though I made and corrected that typo several times in my post, too, as I recall.  :)
I'm not the only one that mixes up Carrion and Cerberus on a regular basis?
OhthankCelestia.
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Post by O. Hinds Thu Apr 23, 2015 6:54 am

SilentCarto wrote:I can hear this so clearly it hurts.  Spike
It does come through rather nicely, doesn't it?  :)

SilentCarto wrote:Yeah, I read it as just her embarrassment at getting caught having fun rather than wringing her hooves over being CURSED! all the time. But, then again, we all know what happens wherever the Maiden of the Stars travels...

Will you teach me how to say "Oh Celestia" in Zebra? Fair warning, I'm a slow learner.
:D

SilentCarto wrote:I'm not the only one that mixes up Carrion and Cerberus on a regular basis?
OhthankCelestia.
:)
I don't actually get them confused (they're... kind of a bit different, personality-wise :)), but the names sometimes slip.
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Post by SilentCarto Thu Apr 23, 2015 11:37 pm

O. Hinds wrote:I don't actually get them confused (they're... kind of a bit different, personality-wise :)), but the names sometimes slip.
The names, yes. I know there's a ghoul griffon and a reprogrammed combat droid, but I keep picturing the griffon when I read "Cerberus". (It doesn't go the other way, fortunately. "Carrion" kinda only works for one of them.)
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Post by Caoimhe Sat Apr 25, 2015 6:44 pm

Hooray for somber getting a SPEHSHUL SAMPAHNY. :3
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Post by Laperlazus Sat Apr 25, 2015 8:01 pm

So Somber's other story kinda predicted the weather factory's lightning room.

Cool.

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