Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

[Vinylshadow]

*head explodes from sheer 'what'? of the above statement*

Triptych:

[JadedPony]

Confused? 



See, that's why I would be best Alicorn Princess. I can confuse our enemies into submission.

[SilentCarto]

Is Somber angling for BJ to be the Bearer of Generosity? I'm not sure I buy that, but then, I tend to think of Generosity in a very physical sense while 'giving of yourself' and that sort of thing falls more under Kindness.

Well, you probably know my opinion generally, but hey, no reason Blackjack couldn't pick up the slack on Kindness too, given my less-than-awestruck impression of how Velvet Remedy embodies the Element.

I wouldn't exactly say BJ embodies Kindness either. Velvet may be a bitch, but she might be the best the wasteland can offer in that department. I think Kkat made it clear that the Elements don't demand perfection.

Ooh, that's true! Though when you said "Who am I" my immediate reaction was "24601!"

But it was Blackjack who took the Silver Spoon!

Hah! But she forgot the silver sword.

I really don't want her to die. I mean she's had one of the shittiest lives imaginable, she more than anyone else deserves a happy ending. She just needs to pull herself together. Accept all of her parts and make them a whole.

I don't entirely disagree with this, but while knowing she's real is a great thing, she doesn't want to just go on forever and ever. I don't think it'll come to that, though. Learning her identity and coming to terms with it kind of wraps up her character arc. I have a feeling that any immortals in this story are going to have to die to save the world, or at least continue in a diminished form, since they're capable of containing threats that would obliterate anyone else. (Not that the mere mortals are any safer, mind you.) The best ending, I think, would be to somehow excise the phoenix talisman but leave her soul behind. Though I think it may be 200 years too late for that.

[Vinylshadow]

just you watch, Rampage is probably to pilot Tom into the sun to stop Project Horizons and she'll be the real hero of Project Horizons, but, of course, everypony pins the congrats on Blackjack, making her feel miserable

Starry Eyes:

[JadedPony]

just you watch, Rampage is probably to pilot Tom into the sun to stop Project Horizons and she'll be the real hero of Project Horizons, but, of course, everypony pins the congrats on Blackjack, making her feel miserable.

Oh, yes, the whining. Rover will hear it all the way from Chapel and not be able to sleep for months. 

However, all things being equal, I think she, along with others will have a second chance at life once Cogjack is destroyed. In the end, Goldenblood is going to save the ponies of Equestria in spite of himself.

[Vinylshadow]

That, or Rampage finds a way to 'pass on' the Talisman to the Eater of Souls...

[JadedPony]

Or they put the soul of the eater of souls into a blank body and Rampage finally has a boyfriend.

[Vinylshadow]

EoSxRampage

I ship it

[JadedPony]

If they could find a blank of Scotch Tape they could bind the essence of the Eater of Souls into the body of a blank flank, filly. Honestly, if I knew a necromancer who could do it that would be my plan A because then you would have the biggest, baddest, evil in Equestria that could be defeated by holding her at arms length while she flails with rage-filled impotence and swears "You will all become part of our chorus!" in a squeaky high pitched voice. 

Which could be why no one lets me make plans...

[Somber]

Necromancer:  Ha!  I have the essence of the-  ::collapses in a splash of liquified pony.::

[Silver136]

*gasp* And then the eater possesses the liquid and along with all the other liquid pony, forms one of those monstrosities Blackjack fought but super huge and takes over all of Equestria, adding to its strength until it takes over the universe as well!!   

[Vinylshadow]

Don't drink that:

[Somber]

At least it didn't come out the other end...

[Vinylshadow]

It's the small victories that matter

[Rayndalf]

The beverage of champions...

[Vinylshadow]

Add in one of....

crap, who made Blackjack's flapjacks when she was on that metal diet?

[Guest]

You mean cyberpony cakes? Glory made them.

[Rayndalf]

Two cyberpony cakes with flux filling in between like a moon pie.

[Vinylshadow]

Fund it

Sexy Blackjack:

Not sure what's with the rainbows though

Guess he drank some Taint

[Vinylshadow]

...would another name for Glory's plot be a Glory hole?

I'm sorry

[Guest]

...would another name for Glory's plot be a Glory hole?

I'm sorry

  

[RoboRed]

...would another name for Glory's plot be a Glory hole?

I'm sorry

Forshame.

[Rayndalf]

Dishonorable display!

[FeatherDust]

Y'know, given we now know Peppermint is Twist's actual daughter, I wonder now what was up with Shujaa calling her a "pet" and "feral beast" back in chapter 50.

Unless that's a hint that Peppermint was a bit "Rampagey" even before she became an immortal amnesiac Reaper...

[Guest]

My friend's stepdad joked like that all the time.
That's not normal?

[DaWarWolf]

My friend's stepdad joked like that all the time.
That's not normal?

Having a stepdad I can confirm that is not normal for me. The worst thing hes said to me is all of my 10+ years of knowing him was calling me gay( in a joking manner, he could care less about what I like) for liking ponies. Hope your friend didn't mind it because I would feel offended if I were called a pet, that's just degrading in my mind. Maybe some do out their but I cant even begin to see why they would do that.

[Train Dodger]

Got a big haul for Hinds and the rest of the editing team, this time. Don't be too eager to post PH up on FIMfiction just yet. There be gold in them typo mines, still, even after all the eyes that have combed relentlessly over these chapters.  
 

Chapter 2:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 6:

Chapter 7:

Chapter 8:

[Guest]

@dawarwolf Because he knew his stepson knew he was joking and that it didn't bother him? Pretty sure he knew it got under his mom's skin a bit, but it never came across as anything more than teasing.

I think you took that as far more agressive then it actually was.

[DaWarWolf]

@dawarwolf Because he knew his stepson knew he was joking and that it didn't bother him? Pretty sure he knew it got under his mom's skin a bit, but it never came across as anything more than teasing.

I think you took that as far more agressive then it actually was.

Huh. I should of figured it would be joking, I just went immediately to some overdramatized deel between the two. Whatves, I didn't take agressive at it all, just had me confuzled. Thanks for clairfying anyways.

[O. Hinds]

Got a big haul for Hinds and the rest of the editing team, this time. Don't be too eager to post PH up on FIMfiction just yet. There be gold in them typo mines, still, even after all the eyes that have combed relentlessly over these chapters.  
 

Chapter 2:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 6:

Chapter 7:

Chapter 8:

Ah, thank you.  And yes, sometimes it seems less like a mine and more like a rock farm.  They just keep turning up…

Technical: This first line appears to be a different text color from the rest of the document; a light grayish instead of the normal black text. The first several chapters have all-black text, but in a few later chapters, the quotation at the beginning appears lighter than the rest of the text. This appears to be by design. It's not consistent, however. Some of the later chapters have it, and some don't. In fact, I think the majority don't. It might be a good idea to check over each chapter and make sure that ALL of the header and body text is black. Which is just as well, since in Chapter 8, the whole chapter's body is that header color. Note, this also applies to the quotations in the index page itself. Some of them are the lighter color, and some aren't.

…Huh.  So it is.  I don't know how you managed to see that; even looking for it, I wasn't sure I was seeing it until I actually pulled the text color setting up.  I don't think it's a big enough issue to warrant a story-wide search, though, at least at the moment; I already crashed two browsers when I made the silly mistake of trying to open all five of the chapters you have here at once.  Opening every single one, even sequentially, is… not appealing.  I can change this and the hub page, though.

Prose: All-caps emphasis should probably be replaced with italics. Unless it's Royal Canterlot Voice, which this isn't.

By the way, apparently, according to Somber (I've not played around with it personally), FIMFiction's Gdocs converter doesn't handle italics well.  Given how much we use them, that's yet another reason I'm not eager to do the conversion.

Grammar: The comma after "weapons" should probably be replaced with a colon or semicolon.

No, I think is… some sort of phrase I don't recall the name of at the moment.  [wikis a hypothesis]  Appositive, right.

I wondered a bit about the ammunition too.  (It's also an issue for tank!Deus, even though he's bigger and has more space, but a lot could be going on there that we don't see; his fuel system's certainly a bit roundabout.)  Steel Rain has the same problem.  That's useful, though, actually, because Steel Rain's guns, while rare, apparently weren't originally unique the way Deus's might have been.  If Equestria was making these in quantity, they'd have to find a way to solve the problem, and, while it could be done by having other ponies follow with the ammunition, that makes the weapon system consume more resources and present more targets to the enemy.  With Equestrian magic, they've a variety of options.  Possibly they use dedicated shrinking spells.
Oh, and yes, Deus is big.  Doof was big, and cyberization made him yet bigger and stronger.

Grammar: Could be hyphenated as "half-dozen".

Argh, it looks like we've been inconsistent on this.  "half-dozen" returns only twenty-seven results, though, while "half dozen" returns over a hundred.  I don't think that it would be worthwhile to correct the twenty-seven at the moment; it's not a big problem.

Comment: Wait a minute. Brahmin are sentient. What they're accusing those kids of is murder.

Meh. Typical Equestrian Wasteland.

Yeah.  An accusation of "that child killed and ate three people" has a significantly nonzero probability of not being wrong.  Though there's also a good chance that the people making the accusation, in this case, don't really think of it as murder due to not really thinking of brahmin as people.  Fun all around!

Thanks for the informations on flechettes and shotguns in general.

Grammar: These sentences can be combined by removing the period and replacing it with a comma, and then uncapitalizing "So".

Hm.  True, but…  Eh…  I think the more chopped flow of the current wording is better-suited to the tone of what P-21 is saying.

Grammar: Can be hyphenated as "six-foot".

Eh…  I think it's better as it is, sorry.

Morning Glory has a slight... disfluency in her speech compared to the other characters.

Hm, I've not noticed that.

Ah, and thank you for the bit on clips.

Grammar: Isn't that supposed to be "nap"?

No.  The phrase is referring to the farm ponies, and the cap is the unit of currency.

but if you feel that there's anything wrong with my methods, let me know

No, I think this worked well.  I didn't agree with everything you proposed, but most of it was good and the format didn't seem problematic to me.  Thanks again.

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