Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:38 pm
Submitted Broken Accords to EQD and got shot down. Their reason... well, they didn't give one. Nor give me recommendations on how to improve it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:42 pm
That's a recurring complaint about the EQD pre-readers.
What's "funny" is that apparently they are so bad at it that they also do it to the author of one of the most famous pony fanfiction out there, who helped generate quit a lot of traffic on their website a few years ago.
If it helps, from what I heard EQD isn't as big as it used to be, while there's a number of other pony newsites which have emerged. Can't remember their names, but I suppose other people here may know them.
What's "funny" is that apparently they are so bad at it that they also do it to the author of one of the most famous pony fanfiction out there, who helped generate quit a lot of traffic on their website a few years ago.
If it helps, from what I heard EQD isn't as big as it used to be, while there's a number of other pony newsites which have emerged. Can't remember their names, but I suppose other people here may know them.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:49 pm
I know. I'm just a little surprised. It's the first time in a long time I've gotten a rejection.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:50 pm
Understandable. Gotta wonder if they even read it.
Here are some:
http://derpynews.com/
http://www.roundstable.com/
http://thedailyoat.com/
http://www.horse-news.net/
And something a bit different:
http://ponyvillelive.com/
Here are some:
http://derpynews.com/
http://www.roundstable.com/
http://thedailyoat.com/
http://www.horse-news.net/
And something a bit different:
http://ponyvillelive.com/
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:51 pm
*frackin double post*
Last edited by Harmony Ltd. on Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Tue Aug 05, 2014 4:22 pm
Speaking of Empathy and Sympathy and all that. Were we supposed to sympathize with Deus? A mother not letting her rapist see her baby sounds about right to me.
Especially if you have another parent in their life. It seems to me Shujaa had adopted Peppermint. I think that's what the "She prefers her mother" (Paraphrasing) line from Vanity and Shujaa being in that picture were about.
I wonder if that's what Rampage's stripes are about, like they're some sort of adoption thing. I know they're not dyed on. It's silly to think the phoenix talisman would regenerate dye. But if they were magically applied (I think that's the deal with the proditors.) they may come back. Otherwise Shujaa would have to get them redone everytime her side was damaged.
Especially if you have another parent in their life. It seems to me Shujaa had adopted Peppermint. I think that's what the "She prefers her mother" (Paraphrasing) line from Vanity and Shujaa being in that picture were about.
I wonder if that's what Rampage's stripes are about, like they're some sort of adoption thing. I know they're not dyed on. It's silly to think the phoenix talisman would regenerate dye. But if they were magically applied (I think that's the deal with the proditors.) they may come back. Otherwise Shujaa would have to get them redone everytime her side was damaged.
Guest- Guest
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:16 pm
*nuzzles just barely* I'm sorry, sir... I wish they weren't such jerks about it...Somber wrote:I know. I'm just a little surprised. It's the first time in a long time I've gotten a rejection.
I will try to read it soon... really...
They probably didn't. And thank you for the links, Harmony.Harmony Ltd. wrote:Understandable. Gotta wonder if they even read it.
Here are some:
http://derpynews.com/
http://thedailyoat.com/
http://www.horse-news.net/
And something a bit different:
http://ponyvillelive.com/
Last edited by WavemasterRyx on Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:04 pm
Somber wrote:Submitted Broken Accords to EQD and got shot down. Their reason... well, they didn't give one. Nor give me recommendations on how to improve it.
You could try resubmitting it. Whoever looked at it may just have a problem with the type of story you're writing or the genre it's in. Maybe you'll have more luck with somebody else.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Valikdu Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:14 pm
Harmony Ltd. wrote:http://www.roundstable.com/
From what I know of this one... well, I'd cross it off the list.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:23 pm
As I ignore all of it and by curiosity... Why?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Valikdu Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:37 pm
Its official policy is to support various bullshit SJW activities. Well, at least it was a year ago.
As in, in the eyes of the people that go there, we're all probably "rape supporters" and [insert as many idiotic attempts at insulting someone as you like].
As in, in the eyes of the people that go there, we're all probably "rape supporters" and [insert as many idiotic attempts at insulting someone as you like].
Last edited by Valikdu on Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:51 pm
On account of FoE, or is it a more general blanket perception?
(Should we move this line of conversation to the chat thread?)
(Should we move this line of conversation to the chat thread?)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Valikdu Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:52 pm
The second thing. Anything that isn't E-rated is ickyyy.
(well, probably)
(well, probably)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Tue Aug 05, 2014 6:58 pm
Yeah, so if Somber's new story is anything like PH, it's certainly going to feel very icky to them. (disclaimer: still haven't given it a chance yet)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Luminous Lead Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:21 pm
Somber wrote:I know. I'm just a little surprised. It's the first time in a long time I've gotten a rejection.
You might want to give it a bit more polishing before resubmission. When I looked at it a week or two ago there were a couple of typos here and there, and I felt that some of the narration felt a little staccato'd (found periods where I was expecting commas). I found the dark element came on too quickly with the sudden assault and little to no explanation was given for Stormy's fighting ability (the reference to the "bad side of the clouds" being the only hint to some sort of back-streets experience). It's pretty good overall, but it feels like it needs some work.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Aug 05, 2014 8:58 pm
Huh. Sorry. I'd try to offer some advice, but without knowing what the perceived problem is...Somber wrote:Submitted Broken Accords to EQD and got shot down. Their reason... well, they didn't give one. Nor give me recommendations on how to improve it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:42 pm
I most relate to Blackjack, [for reasons I'm not interested in leaving here indefinitely].swicked wrote:Hmmm.
Those of you that do empathize with a character or characters, who?
I don't think I do, personally; I just find them entertaining.
I could probably find more limited ways in which I empathize with much of the rest of the cast (and there's a lot of Blackjack/Goldenblood overlap), but I think that that's where it's strongest.
Since May, that's been their policy. It's too bad, but seems to be the only workable system since the alternative is stories sitting in the queue for months.Somber wrote:Submitted Broken Accords to EQD and got shot down. Their reason... well, they didn't give one. Nor give me recommendations on how to improve it.
Well, for EQD it'd also be the first time in almost three years you got an acceptance. There've been a lot of changes; it seems like they don't let as much though anymore, and my impression is it's more slanted towards one-shots than multiparters than it used to be, but it's not like I have data or inside knowledge to back that up.Somber wrote:I know. I'm just a little surprised. It's the first time in a long time I've gotten a rejection.
At a guess, I'd say that if the issue is content the fairly graphic description of the corpse in the first chapter might be crossing their lines for gore, but then again I'd hope that they'd at least say what the problem was if it was a matter of content rather than another factor.swicked wrote:Maybe it's all the racism?Somber wrote:I know. I'm just a little surprised. It's the first time in a long time I've gotten a rejection.
I dunno.
Well, you don't need to agree to find the situation sympathetic.Last wrote:Speaking of Empathy and Sympathy and all that. Were we supposed to sympathize with Deus? A mother not letting her rapist see her baby sounds about right to me.
Especially if you have another parent in their life. It seems to me Shujaa had adopted Peppermint. I think that's what the "She prefers her mother" (Paraphrasing) line from Vanity and Shujaa being in that picture were about.
Well, if it's still the goal, I think the flowchart has some answers.O. Hinds wrote:Huh. Sorry. I'd try to offer some advice, but without knowing what the perceived problem is...Somber wrote:Submitted Broken Accords to EQD and got shot down. Their reason... well, they didn't give one. Nor give me recommendations on how to improve it.
Last edited by Icy Shake on Fri Aug 08, 2014 12:22 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:47 pm
Flowchart?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Aug 05, 2014 10:05 pm
O. Hinds wrote:Flowchart?
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 6 IQHEw8BXm7ne2hz-vqBUp53bDLqT7uOxegxEYhhrtZBSwtTuEmPcogLtjzMwwHHwvpwg](https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/iQHEw8BXm7ne2hz-vqBUp53bDLqT7uOxegxEYhhrtZBSwtTuEmPcogLtjzMwwHHwvpwg)
From the (I believe) most recent EQD fanfic policy post. It should also be in the submission form, but having never seen that, I wouldn't know.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Tue Aug 05, 2014 11:56 pm
Just read Icy Shake's guest blog on One Man's Pony Ramblings: An Author Analysis of Somber.Very good examinations of Somber's early work and the best "summary" of Project Horizons I've ever seen. Though I'd have nitpicks with some of your nitpicks.
They still haven't posted the Club Mixers album despite posting multiple other albums up. Someone in their system probably shelved it forever. Anyone want to send some messages to bug them?
I found it plenty compelling. It certainly felt very close to cannon Equestria, with a believable character whose life is stuck. Is that too unappealing, for whatever reason, that you think most people wouldn't be interested?
Somber wrote:I know. I'm just a little surprised. It's the first time in a long time I've gotten a rejection.
They still haven't posted the Club Mixers album despite posting multiple other albums up. Someone in their system probably shelved it forever. Anyone want to send some messages to bug them?
swicked wrote:Personally, I felt the story was really slow up until the fight and conspiracy kicked up. Just a mare with no ambition left in her slogging her way through a job she hates.
I found it plenty compelling. It certainly felt very close to cannon Equestria, with a believable character whose life is stuck. Is that too unappealing, for whatever reason, that you think most people wouldn't be interested?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Wed Aug 06, 2014 12:14 am
Well, I'm continuing my streak of taking a damn week to get around to reading these things. Though in my defense, the forum hasn't been notifying me of new posts since the thread split, so I only actually found out about the new chapter today. (Dammit. I thought it had gotten awfully quiet.)
- Chapter 69 Commentary (bow chicka bow wow):
Uh, yeah, that should be your first clue that you're not talking to the person you think you are.“She talked to me like I was nothing. Like when I try to help her she says I’m of no use to her now! Like… like everything we’d done together was just…”
Woot!“...and I needed ta get Bwackjack’s thingies!” She undid her saddlebag and shook it sharply.
Yeah, and this one doesn't talk like she thinks she's queen of the world.P-21 just chuckled. “It’s Blackjack. It has to be. No impersonator could be that bad.”
Hee!Boo, for her part, was building a tower of snack cakes, singing “Snack cake shtack-up, shnack cake shtack-uuuuuup!”
Yeah, that...“And you thought that was me?” I asked, a little incredulous.
Oof. And I can't say she's wrong...“You need someone, Blackjack. But it doesn’t have to be me,” she said with that wistful gaze in her eyes. “In fact, I think right now that it shouldn’t have been me at all. I was just clinging to you in the hopes that, eventually, you’d love me the way I needed to be loved.”
Still, I have to think this could have waited until after the world got saved.“And I’ll be there for you in the future,” Glory said quietly, “as a friend. But you and I... we don’t... have anything anymore. I’ve always been carried along, swept in your wake, left behind, and picked back up again.” She covered my mouth with her wing. “And I know you do like me and care for me. And I’m very thankful for that. But that... that isn’t love. You have a deeper connection with P-21 then you will ever have with me. And I need someone I can have that connection with. It isn’t going to be with you.”
Heh. Yeah, that.“Glory had a point. She could have waited a little bit before bringing it up, but she did.”
What, no Homage? XDI stared down at Calamity, Velvet Remedy, Stygius, Tenebra, Goldenblood, and Whisper all sitting in my living room.
Tenebra has the genetic defect for anime nosebleeds?Tenebra’s eyes popped wide as a little trickle of blood dripped down her lip.
Headcanon accepted.
I have nothing to add at this juncture, but this comment amused me greatly.“Dear Goddesses, she’s like the anti-Pip,” Velvet murmured, eyes wide in a mix of wonder and horror.
How appropriate. Though I believe it's actually the MASEBS stations that are numbered rather than the towers themselves. I'm sure every tower has a MASEBS station, but not every MASEBS is necessarily in a tower.Homage was working on a tower with Ditzy. Number thirteen, I think.
And I guess that explains her absence.
I know this isn't what you meant, but Aeris's theme just started playing in my head.“Garden?” I looked across the ruined manor and spotted the ballroom... the roof collapsed in due to a tank being driven through it.
Wow, Psychoshy not taking a cheap shot? She HAS mellowed.“Eh...” she tilted a wing back and forth. “Would be if your life wasn’t so fucked up. Way I look at it, you’re not psycho or dead, so there’s got to be something going for you.” I actually laughed a little at that.
I'm fifty-fifty as to whether this is enough firepower to discourage any attack whatsoever, or too many eggs in one basket to pass up.“You said you wanted everyone who could come. Once word got out that the Security at the Society was a fraud, and that the Lightbringer’s friends and Security’s team vouched for this one... well, suddenly everyone wanted to be here. Between alicorn teleportation, Enclave pegasi, and the clearing weather, this was the place to be,” Velvet Remedy said with a sweep of her hoof.
No... brains are the only thing that can feel pain. Everywhere else, it's just information.I recalled Glory or Triage telling me brains can’t feel pain.
In light of events earlier in this chapter, I don't think I need to make a joke here. Write your own.I had stubborn coming out my ass.
So much for my pony-zebra-chimera-clone theory. Though I guess that one fell apart when we found out clones can't breed.He lifted his great brown eyes. “Because... she’s my daughter.”
Clyde? Is that you?An image of the mare pitting a radroach against Gorgon’s, and then when she lost, wrestling the monsterpony instead.
That's been my reaction to several reveals in this story, yes.But the overwhelming feeling I had rolling through me was... Huh?
Iiiinteresting. I'm really starting to lean toward "just because something is made up doesn't mean it's not true" in the Star Maiden department.“When I saw ya before, it was blood and stars. The other you was just blood. You... you’re nothin’ but stars.”
This is the line of the speech. Harmony, bitches!If anyone is to stand with me, I want them to do it of their own free will. Because together, we are stronger than any of us alone.
I liked the speech. It mostly boiled down to reminding everyone what Security stands for, and how Cogjack betrays those ideals with every breath.
Oh. Shit. I think I know how this test works, and it's more low-tech than I really expected.She set down the box, opened it, and drew out a bucket, a radroach, and a bottle of rainbow fluid in a Sparkle-Cola bottle. She hefted the bottle before the crowd. “This is pure taint.
Bwahahaha! BJ, rocks don't hurt you either, but that doesn't mean you should eat them.“Oh for the love of Luna,” I snapped, rolling my eyes. I seized the bottle tossed my head back, chugging down the sludge.
...okay then.A roiling ring of rainbow gas rose up from my mouth, expanded to slide over the unicorn statues atop the pillars, and transformed them into crude and uncouth depictions of Discord.
Dumbass.“It’s a trick! See?”
We're gettin' the band back together! ...minus Dawn or a suitable substitute, of course.One by one, Big Daddy, Finders Keepers, General Storm Chaser, Grace, and Paladin Stronghoof joined Triage on the stage, flanking me.
Well, that ending kinda left a bad taste in my mouth...“And whether you love your family or not, you stand by them no matter what! So that together, we all become stronger. So that together we rise up, with no one being left behind. Together we rise! Hoofington rises!”
Xanthe! *squee*Sagittarius, Candlewick, Dazzle, Storm Front, and Xanthe formed a third knot.
*further squee*Instead, I rushed to Rover and gave the big augmented brute a hug. “I thought she killed you!”
Cue another "Dafuq?" look from Calamity and Velvet.I was in Unity. The alicorns had their own semi-independence while in the hive.
Yeah, I can only hope that turn of phrase was inspired by the Living Stars.“Well, I hope your plagiarism won’t come back to bite you in the tail. After all, look what it did for me,” he said, staring in the direction of the Core.
You mean like an eye-tentacle-p--*shot*This is another chapter that started to grow on me and I had to cut it off.
Wouldn't be much of a climax if it wasn't the biggest challenge of all.We are getting closer to the ending... promise. Really! This chapter was very hard to write and I’m sorry if it upset people. All these chapters are just going to get rougher to the very end as Blackjack works to try and stop Cognitum.
Honestly, I wasn't at all upset with the developments. It's sad, but it felt... right. Glory had excellent points, and ultimately, if she's not in love, then... what can you do?
- Editing:
Er... don't you mean "I nursed a Sparkle-Cola"?Two hours later, Blackjack nursed a Sparkle-Cola and a developing headache. Three of the four ponies present were deep in thought.
she'd have hurt“And Rampage was there, vouching for ‘Blackjack’. She was pretty mean too, though. I mean, she’s been rude, but… I seriously think she’d hurt me if she wanted.”
Comma after "Oh", and "is" should probably be italicized.“Oh Blackjack, it is you,” she sighed.
This is very much editing, not error-finding, but these two sentences juxtaposed make it sound like she's thinking about what she'd say to Psalm. I'd suggest swapping the order of the phrases, like, "I kept running through who might show up for my meeting, what I'd say." It wouldn't hurt to also insert a segue to bridge from one thought to the other, like, "I wondered if she would be at my meeting." (Shifting the "meeting" phrase to that sentence, of course.)I idly wondered how Psalm was doing. I kept running through what I’d say, who might show up.
wings, originally.“I don’t know. It was the wings originally.”
Comma after "Oh", and there's a missing "and" before "tossed".“Oh for the love of Luna,” I snapped, rolling my eyes. I seized the bottle tossed my head back, chugging down the sludge.
Capitalize Chaser.“Aside from the fact that Cognitum might have two Raptors of her own,” Storm chaser said,
communications, ofWe’ll need some designated channels for our own communications of course.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Wed Aug 06, 2014 12:43 am
I'm happy you liked it.Derpmind wrote:Just read Icy Shake's guest blog on One Man's Pony Ramblings: An Author Analysis of Somber.Very good examinations of Somber's early work and the best "summary" of Project Horizons I've ever seen. Though I'd have nitpicks with some of your nitpicks.
Eh, these things happen.SilentCarto wrote:Well, I'm continuing my streak of taking a damn week to get around to reading these things. Though in my defense, the forum hasn't been notifying me of new posts since the thread split, so I only actually found out about the new chapter today. (Dammit. I thought it had gotten awfully quiet.)
- Reactions to reactions:
I know, right?SilentCarto wrote:
Yeah, that...“And you thought that was me?” I asked, a little incredulous.
Well, it can be both. See, for instance, Return of the Jedi.SilentCarto wrote:
I'm fifty-fifty as to whether this is enough firepower to discourage any attack whatsoever, or too many eggs in one basket to pass up.“You said you wanted everyone who could come. Once word got out that the Security at the Society was a fraud, and that the Lightbringer’s friends and Security’s team vouched for this one... well, suddenly everyone wanted to be here. Between alicorn teleportation, Enclave pegasi, and the clearing weather, this was the place to be,” Velvet Remedy said with a sweep of her hoof.
Already done.SilentCarto wrote:
In light of events earlier in this chapter, I don't think I need to make a joke here. Write your own.I had stubborn coming out my ass.
I'm ashamed to say that hadn't occurred to me.SilentCarto wrote:
So much for my pony-zebra-chimera-clone theory. Though I guess that one fell apart when we found out clones can't breed.He lifted his great brown eyes. “Because... she’s my daughter.”
But there is one. You have BD, FK, the Society's monarch, the Ranger, the Egghead, and the pegasus.SilentCarto wrote:
We're gettin' the band back together! ...minus Dawn or a suitable substitute, of course.One by one, Big Daddy, Finders Keepers, General Storm Chaser, Grace, and Paladin Stronghoof joined Triage on the stage, flanking me.
Glad I'm not the only one who felt that way!SilentCarto wrote:
Xanthe! *squee*Sagittarius, Candlewick, Dazzle, Storm Front, and Xanthe formed a third knot.
Course, that's how I felt about Harpica instead.SilentCarto wrote:
*further squee*Instead, I rushed to Rover and gave the big augmented brute a hug. “I thought she killed you!”
That makes three of us who've fallen into that stylistic trap.SilentCarto wrote:
Er... don't you mean "I nursed a Sparkle-Cola"?Two hours later, Blackjack nursed a Sparkle-Cola and a developing headache. Three of the four ponies present were deep in thought.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Aug 06, 2014 12:43 am
@Icy Shake re flowchart:
Ah.
Ah.
Ah, thank you.SilentCarto wrote:Well, I'm continuing my streak of taking a damn week to get around to reading these things. Though in my defense, the forum hasn't been notifying me of new posts since the thread split, so I only actually found out about the new chapter today. (Dammit. I thought it had gotten awfully quiet.)
- Chapter 69 Commentary (bow chicka bow wow):
Headcanon accepted.I have nothing to add at this juncture, but this comment amused me greatly.“Dear Goddesses, she’s like the anti-Pip,” Velvet murmured, eyes wide in a mix of wonder and horror.How appropriate. Though I believe it's actually the MASEBS stations that are numbered rather than the towers themselves. I'm sure every tower has a MASEBS station, but not every MASEBS is necessarily in a tower.Homage was working on a tower with Ditzy. Number thirteen, I think.
And I guess that explains her absence.I know this isn't what you meant, but Aeris's theme just started playing in my head.“Garden?” I looked across the ruined manor and spotted the ballroom... the roof collapsed in due to a tank being driven through it.Wow, Psychoshy not taking a cheap shot? She HAS mellowed.“Eh...” she tilted a wing back and forth. “Would be if your life wasn’t so fucked up. Way I look at it, you’re not psycho or dead, so there’s got to be something going for you.” I actually laughed a little at that.I'm fifty-fifty as to whether this is enough firepower to discourage any attack whatsoever, or too many eggs in one basket to pass up.“You said you wanted everyone who could come. Once word got out that the Security at the Society was a fraud, and that the Lightbringer’s friends and Security’s team vouched for this one... well, suddenly everyone wanted to be here. Between alicorn teleportation, Enclave pegasi, and the clearing weather, this was the place to be,” Velvet Remedy said with a sweep of her hoof.No... brains are the only thing that can feel pain. Everywhere else, it's just information.I recalled Glory or Triage telling me brains can’t feel pain.In light of events earlier in this chapter, I don't think I need to make a joke here. Write your own.I had stubborn coming out my ass.So much for my pony-zebra-chimera-clone theory. Though I guess that one fell apart when we found out clones can't breed.He lifted his great brown eyes. “Because... she’s my daughter.”Clyde? Is that you?An image of the mare pitting a radroach against Gorgon’s, and then when she lost, wrestling the monsterpony instead.That's been my reaction to several reveals in this story, yes.But the overwhelming feeling I had rolling through me was... Huh?Iiiinteresting. I'm really starting to lean toward "just because something is made up doesn't mean it's not true" in the Star Maiden department.“When I saw ya before, it was blood and stars. The other you was just blood. You... you’re nothin’ but stars.”This is the line of the speech. Harmony, bitches!If anyone is to stand with me, I want them to do it of their own free will. Because together, we are stronger than any of us alone.
I liked the speech. It mostly boiled down to reminding everyone what Security stands for, and how Cogjack betrays those ideals with every breath.Oh. Shit. I think I know how this test works, and it's more low-tech than I really expected.She set down the box, opened it, and drew out a bucket, a radroach, and a bottle of rainbow fluid in a Sparkle-Cola bottle. She hefted the bottle before the crowd. “This is pure taint.Bwahahaha! BJ, rocks don't hurt you either, but that doesn't mean you should eat them.“Oh for the love of Luna,” I snapped, rolling my eyes. I seized the bottle tossed my head back, chugging down the sludge....okay then.A roiling ring of rainbow gas rose up from my mouth, expanded to slide over the unicorn statues atop the pillars, and transformed them into crude and uncouth depictions of Discord.Dumbass.“It’s a trick! See?”We're gettin' the band back together! ...minus Dawn or a suitable substitute, of course.One by one, Big Daddy, Finders Keepers, General Storm Chaser, Grace, and Paladin Stronghoof joined Triage on the stage, flanking me.Well, that ending kinda left a bad taste in my mouth...“And whether you love your family or not, you stand by them no matter what! So that together, we all become stronger. So that together we rise up, with no one being left behind. Together we rise! Hoofington rises!”Xanthe! *squee*Sagittarius, Candlewick, Dazzle, Storm Front, and Xanthe formed a third knot.*further squee*Instead, I rushed to Rover and gave the big augmented brute a hug. “I thought she killed you!”Cue another "Dafuq?" look from Calamity and Velvet.I was in Unity. The alicorns had their own semi-independence while in the hive.Yeah, I can only hope that turn of phrase was inspired by the Living Stars.“Well, I hope your plagiarism won’t come back to bite you in the tail. After all, look what it did for me,” he said, staring in the direction of the Core.You mean like an eye-tentacle-p--*shot*This is another chapter that started to grow on me and I had to cut it off.Wouldn't be much of a climax if it wasn't the biggest challenge of all.We are getting closer to the ending... promise. Really! This chapter was very hard to write and I’m sorry if it upset people. All these chapters are just going to get rougher to the very end as Blackjack works to try and stop Cognitum.
Honestly, I wasn't at all upset with the developments. It's sad, but it felt... right. Glory had excellent points, and ultimately, if she's not in love, then... what can you do?
- Editing:
No. And I'm afraid that I still can't think of a way to make it clearer that it's intentional.SilentCarto wrote:Er... don't you mean "I nursed a Sparkle-Cola"?
I put in the italicization but not the comma.SilentCarto wrote:Comma after "Oh", and "is" should probably be italicized.
No on the comma, I think. Sorry.SilentCarto wrote:Comma after "Oh", and there's a missing "and" before "tossed".
O. Hinds- Zebra Engineer
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Wed Aug 06, 2014 12:54 am
Maybe taking it even further, along the lines of "one/this unhappy Blackjack nursed"?O. Hinds wrote:No. And I'm afraid that I still can't think of a way to make it clearer that it's intentional.SilentCarto wrote:Er... don't you mean "I nursed a Sparkle-Cola"?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Wed Aug 06, 2014 1:09 am
Icy Shake wrote:Well, you don't need to agree to find the situation sympathetic.
But I do agree, I find his imprionment and the actions Twist took just. Not including steelpony. That wasn't part of his initial sentence to my understanding, I'm not certain, but I think he had pretty awful behavior once in jail that led to that outcome.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Wed Aug 06, 2014 1:21 am
Well, I reckon it's all like, right, on one o' them circling scales and suchlike, and if you're worse enough than Hitler you prob'ly come 'round the other end, innit? And you become, like, a Saint or somefink.Valikdu wrote:Its official policy is to support various bullshit SJW activities. Well, at least it was a year ago.
As in, in the eyes of the people that go there, we're all probably "rape supporters" and [insert as many idiotic attempts at insulting someone as you like].
In non-funny-accented news, I have yet to read the new chapter on account of I'm a tad busy. I (sort of) beat up a ghost, though, as the chat thread denizens already know (assuming they bother to open up spoilers from me :P).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Wed Aug 06, 2014 1:24 am
Sorry, I should have been more clear: you don't have to agree with him, that he should get to see his daughter; you can think it both right or just and unfortunate or unkind. You don't have to, but that's probably the best approximation of how I feel.Last wrote:Icy Shake wrote:Well, you don't need to agree to find the situation sympathetic.
But I do agree, I find his imprionment and the actions Twist took just. Not including steelpony. That wasn't part of his initial sentence to my understanding, I'm not certain, but I think he had pretty awful behavior once in jail that led to that outcome.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Aug 06, 2014 1:26 am
Hm... I don't think that that's quite the right meaning, though...Icy Shake wrote:Maybe taking it even further, along the lines of "one/this unhappy Blackjack nursed"?O. Hinds wrote:No. And I'm afraid that I still can't think of a way to make it clearer that it's intentional.SilentCarto wrote:Er... don't you mean "I nursed a Sparkle-Cola"?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Wed Aug 06, 2014 2:03 am
*hugs Somber very gently*
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to go to Bronycon, sir... hopefully you'll be able to do lots of fun stuff, eventually... I really do wish the best for you, sir, I hope you get it some day.
I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to go to Bronycon, sir... hopefully you'll be able to do lots of fun stuff, eventually... I really do wish the best for you, sir, I hope you get it some day.
- Chapter 69 Commentary:
I guess it really was unreasonable to think that everything would be fine once they were all back together.
[O. Hinds]: "I'm sorry. I'm a bit upset about the Glory thing too, as you can imagine. Less so now than when I first read it, but I'm still hoping that it'll work out for them." - I'm actually surprised at how little I cried about it... I did for a few minutes, but after that I just felt... empty. And lost. I really don't know what's reasonable or what I should hope for anymore though. Especially since things are going to be getting worse.
---
"She sobbed, drew her gun, and pressed it to my forehead." - This gave me a small flashback to the very early chapter on the Seahorse, where Echo almost made Blackjack shoot Glory. It was also the point where my tearing up at thoughts o what might happen in the chapter transitioned to actually crying.
It really is an incredibly emotional opening, seeing just how badly Glory had been hurt by Cognitum and Blackjack's absence.
I know Discord had claimed Boo was immortal, but I really didn't expect her to show up again... I'm happy she did though, even though it's going to end up hurting her more. She has always been so cute.
"the bad 'puter thingy was gonna do swapsies and he was gonna get her to swap somethin' else" - I didn't really notice this the first time, but it's a very curious line.
"What am I, chopped lettuce? Never get invited to any of the good parties." - Poor Scotch... Though I guess I shouldn't feel bad for her not being invited to sex parties, but I do...
"Snack cake shtack-up, shnack cake shtack-uuuuuup!" - This and the dramatic reenactments, with sound effects, were really cute too. Another thing to put on the list of wishing I could do actual animations.
Glory admitting she had sex with one of the impersonators and Blackjack forgiving her still made me tear up a bit.
"Damn it. It wasn't fair..." - No... it wasn't fair at all...
I don't think I could ever say it, but the tiny Deus in my head was rather vocal in his opinion about Glory...
As happy as I am for P-21, I simply couldn't enjoy them having sex after Glory's decision... I could at least be happy it did help Blackjack a little though, and I don't think it was out of place, inappropriate, or too graphic.
I've actually used healing potions in similar situations role-playing before... in a way I guess it's kinda nice to know I wasn't the only one who thought of it.
Everyone waiting in the living room works very well as an amusing scene, though it still felt wrong to enjoy it.
Poor Tenebra fainting... I really shouldn't encourage it, but she is much cuter this way than when she first showed up. And it's probably going to get her killed.
The discussion about their relationships on the way up to the manor was quite sad, as was Blackjack's reaction to Vanity's tombstone.
I was extremely surprised to see Harpica back, especially with the later mention that Sekashi and Lancer still hadn't returned. Either it means that the mission ended up successful, or far worse...
P-21 trying to help Blackjack get through her anxiety attack was really touching...
"Hopefully enough that I can address all ten people that actually came to hear me." "Ten?" "Fine. Twenty then." "That wasn't twenty. That wasn't a hundred. It was everypony." - And then this part had me sobbing again...
When Blackjack started tearing away the machinery in Deus' head, I was really worried at first that it wasn't actually helping him... I'm happy it did help though... for some reason I really want Doof to have a chance to be a good pony...
"You will get what you want when I decide to give it. Perhaps in a century or two." - Yeah, I didn't really think Cognitum would follow through on her promise to Rampage... I'm not even sure if she can, since I would have thought Snips was key to doing it.
At some point recently I'd began wondering if maybe the Phoenix talisman had been constructed from starmetal, which would explain why it drained the souls from the people using it, and would mean a relatively easy way to free Rampage. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that's the case, since the wires holding the talisman together are gold (unless it were a metal from a different star, like Celestia's torc), and since the soul motes were going "in and out" of Rampage down in the tunnels... If it were starmetal, they most likely wouldn't have been able to leave her body.
"Because... she's my daughter." "Peppermint favors her mother." - Well, I guess that solves that. It's nice to finally know for certain.
"Can you promise me... can you promise to help her?" "I don't need to. I will help her. She's my friend. I won't give up on her just because she screwed up." - This was quite touching.
"Really. 'Why do you love me?' Isn't it enough that you are loved? Period? Only you would want to quantify something as elusive and ephemeral as love!" - I really liked P-21's side of the conversation with Glory outside the tank, particularly these lines. You could feel how much he cares.
"Do you really love me?" "Yes, I do." - Is making me tear up again.
"Love... I hate that word. We need more words for it. [...] I like you a lot, P-21. And losing you... the idea just hurts. Is that love?" - Blackjack's part here is really well done too, and I definitely agree with her.
Poor Big Daddy...
"We are all here because this place... this horrible, dangerous place, is out home." - Blackjack's opening speech when she accidentally stepped onto the stage was really nice.
"Anyone doubt the Collegiate running a scientific test here? Anyone?" "Science sucks." "Duly noted." - This was pretty funny. I wonder if this is something else Discord told Boo about, or if Triage actually came up with it on her own.
"and a bottle of rainbow fluid in a Sparkle-Cola bottle" - Might want to make this just one "bottle", but I'm not sure.
"he said with a grin... that just kept getting bigger on half his face. The left side unzipped along the jaw and then along is throat." - Well... I'd certainly call that pretty frightening.
"Point is, we stand behind her. Any of you have a problem with that, say it now." - I really liked the six of them coming up to stand with Blackjack and how they stated their support. It was really wonderful.
"We might all be different. Different people. Different values. Different dreams. But to all of us, this place is home, and all of us are family. And whether you love your family or not, you stand by them no matter what! So that together, we all become stronger Do that together we rise up, with no one being left behind. Together we rise! Hoofington rises!" - It's an incredibly moving speech, even though her use of "Hoofington rises!" made me immediately somewhat worried.
"Instead, I rushed to Rover and gave the big augmented brute a hug." - I've never been overly fond of diamond dogs, sand dogs, or hell hounds, but I was happy that he got away. It did also make me smile a little at his irritation for Blackjack losing her legs again.
"Because Princess Luna was a complete cunt who had to be stopped before she took over the fucking world, okay?!" - I remember way back I never thought I'd like Psychoshy... This is an oddly funny and completely accurate summary.
"We can win because we're going to be smarter than 'shoot and then shoot some more'." - The whole segment of the war council with them discussion the current situation and their plans of action was really well done. Looking it back over now, I can almost hear music playing as though it was a pre-mission description in a video game...
"For a moment, Sagittarius seemed ready to argue, but then he smirked. 'Bet we get our bunker first." "'You're on,' Candlewick rasped with an eager grin." - Another great little exchange.
I was probably way happier than I should have been to see Xanthe again. I'm glad Blackjack hugged her for me.
Poor Calamity finding out Amadi is immortal, heh...
And then it falls to bickering when they try to decide who's in charge. Irritatingly realistic.
Blackjack does make a good point that Goldenblood is very well suited for organizing their forces. Part of me really does want to believe that he'll do his best and try to keep everypony he can alive... another part is certain that as soon as I start trusting him, he's going to betray everyone.
"I stared down at the map. We needed more fighters. Needed... I furrowed my brow. 'Velvet? I need to borrow some alicorns.'" - Since I've finished this chapter, I've been trying to figure out who she's going to try and get to help... admittedly I'm not thinking very clearly, but I can't think of any un-represented force that would be able to make a difference. The only people who aren't there are the zebras, but that doesn't seem like the right answer, especially because of how unlikely it would be for her to convince them in time...
---
[Bronode]: "I pushed for most of the drippy descriptions. I'm not sorry." - Nothing to be sorry about at all, sir.
[swicked]: "Long live our sexy blue demigod of love and his many-horned crown of pre-lubricated, vibrating appendages!"
[Somber]: "The crown... why would it have four?! She doesn't have that many holes!" - Ah... well at first (probably because of too much Flufflepuff) I thought this was a reference that Chrysalis would be showing up. I discarded that idea pretty immediately though (unless... Harpica...). My second thought was that it was some kind of sexual reference, in which case, yeah, there's certainly more than four holes.
... 11...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:17 am
Ah, no, you are quite right; thanks.Ryx wrote:"and a bottle of rainbow fluid in a Sparkle-Cola bottle" - Might want to make this just one "bottle", but I'm not sure.
Fun fact: the original version of the chapter had a scene past this in which, well, Blackjack carries out the plan she wants the alicorns for. We decided to end the chapter here partly due to it being, we thought, a fairly good cliffhanger. :)Ryx wrote:Since I've finished this chapter, I've been trying to figure out who she's going to try and get to help... admittedly I'm not thinking very clearly, but I can't think of any un-represented force that would be able to make a difference. The only people who aren't there are the zebras, but that doesn't seem like the right answer, especially because of how unlikely it would be for her to convince them in time...
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