Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

[WavemasterRyx]

Fun fact: the original version of the chapter had a scene past this in which, well, Blackjack carries out the plan she wants the alicorns for.  We decided to end the chapter here partly due to it being, we thought, a fairly good cliffhanger.  :)

You're welcome, sir.

And that is very interesting to know.  I think that was a pretty solid decision on where to split it, because it serves the function of a cliffhanger very well.

[Guest]

Sorry, I should have been more clear: you don't have to agree with him, that he should get to see his daughter; you can think it both right or just and unfortunate or unkind. You don't have to, but that's probably the best approximation of how I feel.

I can't. Personally. When I think about it I imagine Twist being forced to sit in the same room with him to supervise a visit. Vanity probably would do it if asked, but she is Peppermint's mother so I'd imagine given what Deus'd done to her she'd want to be in the room with her daughter to protect her personally if need be.

With that said I can't feel any sympathy for him. It feels like I'm blaming Twist for not wanting to go through and experience that. And I can't. I can't fault her for not wanting to. That's perfectly understandable to me.

I get what you're saying though. I don't feel the same clearly, but I think I have an understanding of what you meant.

[O. Hinds]

Eh, I've just gone and italicized it. I don't think that the tone's quite right, but I also don't think that it's too wrong. And it's better than leaving apparently lots of people confused. I'd still prefer a solution that leaves the tone intact, though.

[SilentCarto]

We're gettin' the band back together! ...minus Dawn or a suitable substitute, of course.

But there is one. You have BD, FK, the Society's monarch, the Ranger, the Egghead, and the pegasus.

Storm Chaser stands in for Sky Striker, not Dawn.

Comma after "Oh", and "is" should probably be italicized.

I put in the italicization but not the comma.

Comma after "Oh", and there's a missing "and" before "tossed".

No on the comma, I think.  Sorry.

You have to put a comma after an interjection like "Oh" or "Hey" or "Well" unless you use a stronger punctuation -- i.e. "Hey! You forgot your change!" I won't quibble about the former instance, since you could make the case that "Oh Blackjack" is a unit, like as in, "Oh yes, thank you for reminding me." But the latter case definitely needs it.

Edit:

Eh, I've just gone and italicized it. I don't think that the tone's quite right, but I also don't think that it's too wrong. And it's better than leaving apparently lots of people confused. I'd still prefer a solution that leaves the tone intact, though.

I guess I don't understand the point of emphasizing Blackjack versus the assorted Fakejacks at this juncture, since she's proved her identity and there aren't really any other Blackjacks around at the moment. It might make the sentence flow better if you mention the "three out of four" first, though, followed by the exception.

[SilentCarto]

"the bad 'puter thingy was gonna do swapsies and he was gonna get her to swap somethin' else" - I didn't really notice this the first time, but it's a very curious line.

Yeah, I assume it has to do with tricking her into accepting Luna's soul, but I really have no idea what she would have swapped that for. The only other piece of soul in play was BJ's talent.

Wait.
Wait.
Suppose Blackjack gained a white Moon cutie mark. Would we even be able to tell?

I was extremely surprised to see Harpica back, especially with the later mention that Sekashi and Lancer still hadn't returned. Either it means that the mission ended up successful, or far worse...

Which is just another way of saying they probably wouldn't be back at this point, regardless of the mission's outcome. Chin up!

Since I've finished this chapter, I've been trying to figure out who she's going to try and get to help... admittedly I'm not thinking very clearly, but I can't think of any un-represented force that would be able to make a difference. The only people who aren't there are the zebras, but that doesn't seem like the right answer, especially because of how unlikely it would be for her to convince them in time...

I think I know.
"I'm Spartacus!"
"I am Spartacus!"
"I'm Spartacus!"

I can't. Personally. When I think about it I imagine Twist being forced to sit in the same room with him to supervise a visit. Vanity probably would do it if asked, but she is Peppermint's mother so I'd imagine given what Deus'd done to her she'd want to be in the room with her daughter to protect her personally if need be.

With that said I can't feel any sympathy for him. It feels like I'm blaming Twist for not wanting to go through and experience that. And I can't. I can't fault her for not wanting to. That's perfectly understandable to me.

I get what you're saying though. I don't feel the same clearly, but I think I have an understanding of what you meant.

I have to agree here. Even setting aside Twist's feelings on the matter, Doof's reaction to being told "no" clearly demonstrated that he was dangerously unstable. I certainly wouldn't grant visitation rights to someone who cursed a blue streak and made death threats when he didn't get his way.

[Somber]

Doof would have been happy with a phone call.

[O. Hinds]

But the latter case definitely needs it.

Eh… Yeah, okay.

guess I don't understand the point of emphasizing Blackjack versus the assorted Fakejacks at this juncture, since she's proved her identity and there aren't really any other Blackjacks around at the moment. It might make the sentence flow better if you mention the "three out of four" first, though, followed by the exception.

Urgh… That's not what it…
Sorry, Somber; I liked it, but it seems that it just really confuses most people; I've changed it to "I".

[Guest]

But even there it's blaming Twist. Maybe Twist feared Deus would tell Peppermint how she was concieved, assuming Peppermint was old enough to understand, that's terrible. No kid wants to find out that they were the result of their mother being raped.

And if Twist was looking towards Shujaa to be the other parent in Peppermint's life that undermines Shujaa. Deus the stallion that raped her girlfriend and is in jail gets the same title and affection from a filly she watches after, plays with and feeds.

Assuming Deus just wants to hear Peppermint's voice Twist still has to make contact with him and set down the ground rules. No calling her your daughter (I don't believe she is his daughter. Peppermint may carry Deus' blood, but I don't think that makes you a parent) and don't tell Peppermint what happened, assuming Twist fears the things listed.

That involves confronting him and as stated before I can't blame Twist for not wanting to do that.

I can't sympathize, these aren't just unlucky events. Peppermint not having contact with Deus was a conscious choice Twist made.

[WavemasterRyx]

Yeah, I assume it has to do with tricking her into accepting Luna's soul, but I really have no idea what she would have swapped that for. The only other piece of soul in play was BJ's talent.

Wait.
Wait.
Suppose Blackjack gained a white Moon cutie mark. Would we even be able to tell?

Yeah... that's actually exactly what I started wondering...  Of course since it's something I thought of, it's very likely to be completely wrong, heh...

Which is just another way of saying they probably wouldn't be back at this point, regardless of the mission's outcome. Chin up!

Well the problem with that is... Harpica was their transportation...  If she's back, they would have to be, or I would expect her to have brought a report back so they'd have something at least to go on.  Which is why I'm certain she's really Chrysalis in disguise (she's not Chrysalis in disguise).

[Silver136]

Most people seem to hate Doof for the way he acted, but I actually felt pretty bad for him. I mean he was manipulated by Brass (hahaha she got dissected alive) then thrown in prison and told he would never be allowed to see Twist or Peppermint so he could never apologize or see his daughter. Add to that the fact that he was being called scum and trash, and yet he still defending other prisoners up until Vanity snapped him.

[Vergil]

Welp.

I'm adopting the swap theory. Thank you, Silent.

[Silver136]

I disagree. Doof was pretty sane up to the point that Vanity started cutting off all contact. Even though people treated him like dirt he still helped people. Back in Hightower Blackjack found the postings of why Doof was put in isolation, and until the point of Vanity cutting him off it was to protect him because he was beaten so badly defending others. I agree that it probably would've broken him if he were rejected, but I don't think he would have been of he were given the chance. He regretted what he did and wanted to apologize, but no one would even give him the time of day.

[O. Hinds]

Well the problem with that is... Harpica was their transportation... If she's back, they would have to be, or I would expect her to have brought a report back so they'd have something at least to go on. Which is why I'm certain she's really Chrysalis in disguise (she's not Chrysalis in disguise).

I suspect that Harpica wouldn't be back yet if Blackjack hadn't called the conference. She did, though, and Lancer and Sekashi can't leave without endangering their work; if Harpica returns, though, she can learn what's going on and report it to them, and they'll probably be fine in the meantime.

Welp.

I'm adopting the swap theory. Thank you, Silent.

What is this?

[Somber]

No.  Doof would have been happy with one phone call.  Just to tell her he was her daddy, that he was sorry for what he did do her mommy, and that he loved her.  That would have given him enough to keep his rage intact.  It would have given him a reason to be good.  A reason to do better.  But in the end he had nothing but his fury.

[Vinylshadow]

Because everyone treats rapists the same it seems

Yeah, they goofed, but I'm sure some feel remorse for what they've done

It's rare, but it's not impossible

Meanwhile, Triage:

[Vergil]

Welp.

I'm adopting the swap theory. Thank you, Silent.

What is this?

Sorry, it's difficult to quote on my phone. I was referring to this:

Yeah, I assume it has to do with tricking her into accepting Luna's soul, but I really have no idea what she would have swapped that for. The only other piece of soul in play was BJ's talent.

Wait.
Wait.
Suppose Blackjack gained a white Moon cutie mark. Would we even be able to tell?

[Silver136]

Exactly. He wanted to meet her so she could know that he was her father. He wanted to meet her before she grew up, and never knew him. Plus, there's the whole megaspell Apocalypse so its a little note tragic still...

 And as I said before, he acted as he did because he was being cut off from what he cared for, treated like dirt, and wanted something to remember those he cared for.

[Vinylshadow]

....I toyed around with the idea of a pony having a cutie mark that was the same color of their coat a few weeks ago

Why



Why do people keep posting ideas that I thought up, but never followed through on?

For example, many years ago, I had a character named "Velika" in a story of mine

Not only is it the name of a village in Croatia, it's also the name of a character from Bionicle

[Rayndalf]

Funny, the only question I have about chapter 68-69 is "where did the milk for Blackjack's cereal come from?"

[RoboRed]

Well, as long as there are still teats around...

[Silver136]

Captain Buzzkill says: "It's probably from a brahmin!"

[Dekshuduph]

If blackjack got a moon cutie mark, what does that mean for the story?  What exactly can she do with a 'moon' talent?  I would suspect she'd just be able to move the moon, but without her knowing about that talent, she isn't going to try.

Besides, Cognitum didn't have Luna's soul when she stole Blackjack's talent.  For this to happen, when she got her soul back the victory talent would have to take up the space of the moon talent and throw it out (to potentially become attached to Blackjack in looking for a new host) but even then it's more likely the victory talent would be thrown away because it wasn't attached to the rest of her soul.

Funny, the only question I have about chapter 68-69 is "where did the milk for Blackjack's cereal come from?"

That is pretty funny.  I suspect brahmin. Thanks, Silver.

[Vinylshadow]

....Wait, if Cogjack now has Blackjack's Victory Ability...

Welp, we're screwed...

All hail our Cybercorn Overlord

[Guest]

....I toyed around with the idea of a pony having a cutie mark that was the same color of their coat a few weeks ago

There's a story on DA called fallout equestria: wings (I think) and the main character believes he has a bit (Equestrian coin currency not like a bit from a battle saddle or something) cutiemark, but he finds out later when his flank is dyed for some reason I can't remember that it's not a bit his coat color just made it look like that. It was a golden zero. IIRC identity crisis insues or something.

[Silver136]

Funny, the only question I have about chapter 68-69 is "where did the milk for Blackjack's cereal come from?"

That is pretty funny.  I suspect brahmin.  Thanks, Silver.

Always happy to jump the gun and ruin someone's fun! 

[Vinylshadow]

....I toyed around with the idea of a pony having a cutie mark that was the same color of their coat a few weeks ago

There's a story on DA called fallout equestria: wings (I think) and the main character believes he has a bit (Equestrian coin currency not like a bit from a battle saddle or something) cutiemark, but he finds out later when his flank is dyed for some reason I can't remember that it's not a bit his coat color just made it look like that. It was a golden zero. IIRC identity crisis insues or something.

By Luna's freezing mare-heat...

[Guest]

No.  Doof would have been happy with one phone call.  Just to tell her he was her daddy, that he was sorry for what he did do her mommy, and that he loved her. 

So, mommy is left with a filly asking her why she doesn't want to talk to the nice guy on the phone. That scenario sounds like he's manipulating her daughter. If he really just wanted to talk to his daughter one time he would shut his mouth and not use the oppurtunity to say the things to her he wants to say to Twist.

That would have given him enough to keep his rage intact.  It would have given him a reason to be good.  A reason to do better.

A reason to do better? Well Why? So he could visit her in the future? That's not being happy with one phone call.

[Somber]

So that he HAS a future.

[Guest]

If I'm understanding correctly you're saying speaking to her one time gives him the strength to behave in prison, get out, start a new life and never contact them again?

[Silver136]

Its not just that, its being able to show regret and remorse for his actions. Its the one thing he'd been clinging to, and if he'd gotten the chance to get it off his chest it would've helped him stay sane. Instead people shunned and insulted him, breeding Deus.

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