Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

[WavemasterRyx]

...Offend...  Eh?  How would it have offended me?

:)
(Oh, and I'm still curious who that mare referred to by cutie mark was.)

Oh, just because of how amateurish it is compared to what you usually work with (fanfiction and otherwise).

BAON spoilers, just in case it matters to someone:

[O. Hinds]

...Offend...  Eh?  How would it have offended me?

:)
(Oh, and I'm still curious who that mare referred to by cutie mark was.)

Oh, just because of how amateurish it is compared to what you usually work with (fanfiction and otherwise).

BAON spoilers, just in case it matters to someone:

Well, I won't lie to you and say that it's Somber-quality (because Somber-quality is Somber-quality), but I'd say that it was at least average for me.

Ah, thanks.

[Somber]

What I'm going to have to do is split the chapter in half.  It has a natural break in the middle... ugh... I just wanted to have 62 be the end of the Thunderhead arc...

Since as is, it's a little short... is there any pertinent plot points I've neglected you'd like me to try and hit?

[FoolNeim]

Not related, but will we see Psychoshy/Whisper again ever?

[Guest]

At the risk of sounding like dick as much as I loved Psychoshy if in order see her again we have to also see Styg I hope not.

[Scienza]

Btw, who was Calamity's father? Wasn't he someone important? It'd be interesting if he had a cameo and BJ or Glory could just tell him, off-hand, that they'd met his son and... I dunno. Something. That Calamity is doing well? That he had a mare-friend? I think Calamity's father had a falling-out with Calamity, as I remember some sort of confrontation in the final chapters of FoE, but... something. Calamity's father or brothers.
This is one of those times having a decent memory would really help.

Calamity's dad is a drill sergeant in Neighvarro, so he ain't that important. Calamity's family kinda has a problem with him because he done killed his mom by being borned.

[Guest]

Btw, who was Calamity's father? Wasn't he someone important? It'd be interesting if he had a cameo and BJ or Glory could just tell him, off-hand, that they'd met his son and... I dunno. Something. That Calamity is doing well? That he had a mare-friend? I think Calamity's father had a falling-out with Calamity, as I remember some sort of confrontation in the final chapters of FoE, but... something. Calamity's father or brothers.
This is one of those times having a decent memory would really help.

Calamity's dad is a drill sergeant in Neighvarro, so he ain't that important. Calamity's family kinda has a problem with him because he done killed his mom by being borned.

If I remember correctly he also had a problem with his cutie mark. Some along the lines of it not being combative in nature. That was what started calamity honing his marksmanship skills.

[Derpmind]

What I'm going to have to do is split the chapter in half.  It has a natural break in the middle... ugh... I just wanted to have 62 be the end of the Thunderhead arc...

Since as is, it's a little short... is there any pertinent plot points I've neglected you'd like me to try and hit?

About how many pages/words is it? At least some of us wouldn't mind reading a 20,000 word chapter.  

Alternatively, if it feels too short then you could always publish both new chapters at the same time.

Also, @WavemasterRyx's story By Any Other Name: It was cute, and the weirdness only added to the cuteness. (Um. That kinda applies to many of your pictures too. Heh.) Like someone said somewhere and somewhen, a story only has to be a journey, and the journey you crafted had flowers and snuggles. I'm looking forward to the sequel! (Original is here.)

[Kippershy]

What I'm going to have to do is split the chapter in half.  It has a natural break in the middle... ugh... I just wanted to have 62 be the end of the Thunderhead arc...

Since as is, it's a little short... is there any pertinent plot points I've neglected you'd like me to try and hit?

Messenger boy run: This was brought up and serious answers asked for, I took this as a serious answer: "The end of the fucking story."

[Downloaded Skill]

While I admit that I'm very interested in seeing how the story ends, I don't think there's any need to rush it since I believe this story deserves a satisfying ending that the original FoE didn't get. IMO the story lost the fans who were worried the many plot threads wouldn't get resolved and gave up a long time ago. Might as well continue at the current pace and resolve plot lines in a way that feels satisfying. It's been built up for a long time, it might as well have a good pay off.

I do have a question though. A long time ago we found out the volunteer corp was really a front to get surface materials back to the Enclave / Thunderhead. I can't quite remember but was this how Lighthooves got the materials for the grand plan? I don't think it was explicitly stated, but I might not be remembering it correctly. Thats the only Enclave related plot point that I can remember atm.

[O. Hinds]

I forget, is Glory's father back in the Enclave?

No, IIRC, he's in stasis in the Fluttershy Medical Center.

Btw, who was Calamity's father?

He's a sergeant at Neighvarro. :D

[Derpmind]

Messenger boy run:

Sorry, but a message from where? We'll call you back when we honestly care.

[Scienza]

What I'm going to have to do is split the chapter in half.  It has a natural break in the middle... ugh... I just wanted to have 62 be the end of the Thunderhead arc...

Since as is, it's a little short... is there any pertinent plot points I've neglected you'd like me to try and hit?

Not really neglected, but I'd love to see more of the Reapers and the Rangers at some point.

[WavemasterRyx]

Also, @WavemasterRyx's story By Any Other Name: It was cute, and the weirdness only added to the cuteness. (Um. That kinda applies to many of your pictures too. Heh.) Like someone said somewhere and somewhen, a story only has to be a journey, and the journey you crafted had flowers and snuggles. I'm looking forward to the sequel! (Original is here.)

Well thank you, Derpmind, I'm glad you liked it. I really don't know if there's going to be any sequels though, heh. I certainly have plenty of ideas I could use...

We'll call you back when we honestly care.

+1

[SilentCarto]

Messenger boy run:

Thank you so much for dragging that unkind, unhelpful bullshit in here.
Please let the door hit you on the way out.

[Icy Shake]

Somber: I think it would be interesting to see what, if anything, has been the reaction to any Enclave who made it out from Maripony, possibly with the real story, or at least as much of it as they'd seen (say, for instance, the guy Blackjack spared). Even if that was just within the military or intelligence, the response could be informative, and maybe a chance to expand a bit on someone from the rank-and-file caught up in more than he really signed up for.

Messenger boy run:

Well, that was about as necessary and constructive as someone claiming martinis are made with vodka.

We'll call you back when we honestly care.

Somehow, I don't think the fact I don't have his number will make a difference.

[Derpmind]

Well, that was about as necessary and constructive as someone claiming martinis are made with vodka.

Vodkatini

[Somber]

It is fair though.  I do want to get to the ending.  I have other stories I'd like to start.  I don't want to do so in four chapters though.  It would suck, and I wouldn't be able to have the ending I envisioned.  There's things Blackjack needs to do... like (redacted)... losing (redacted) again... and having a (redacted)....

Unfortunately, I realize the story is already gargantuanly long.  I wish I could simply paraphrase scenes in a paragraph or two... but then I want to add detail and dialogue and it gets longer and then I have to revise and it gets longer and then I revise the revision which gets re-revised and then I throw my hooves up in disgust and shout 'BLARRRGHHH!' to the writing gods, that they strike me down or give me some kind of inspiration go get the damned thing writen...

So I might either release 2 chapters, one chapter in two parts (because it really is an arc finale), or one really big chapter.  Need to talk it over with the others.

[Derpmind]

There's things Blackjack needs to do... SPOILER... SPOILER... SHIPPING FUEL.

Er, uh, yeah. And it's about as fair a question as asking when we're going to see Folly again, (you're going to get there when you get there,) but 10X as rude.

[Stringtheory]

*snip*

Seriously Somber, take as much time as you need, us readers have already read over a million words of this story, we can read a few more chapters, there's no need to drastically shorten this part just for the sake of brevity.

[Icy Shake]

Somber: Kippershy, or whoever he acted as "messenger" for, may have the diagnosis right (personally, I'm somewhat skeptical of that [edit: at a story level (there are individual areas where I agree, but I've never seen it as a systematic problem)], but I'll allow it for the sake of argument); the prescription, however, is at best only superficially related to that judgement, as you seem well aware. The belief that most of the story to date is 1) inflated within each arc and/or 2) has unnecessary detours from the main course of the narrative indicates that 1) going forward, writing should be pared down to the extent that tone and style consistency will allow and/or 2) no new unnecessary detours be introduced (both prescriptions could also apply to subsequent editing of prior writing). Derailing the entire flow of the story, with numerous remaining plot lines and character arcs left to resolve, does nothing to fix either problem and introduces its own. You don't amputate an obese patient's legs to get them to their target weight.

Martinis:

[Moodyman90]

Rushing the ending now would be like shutting the barn door weeks after everything got out, yeah would have been nice to have done it sooner but no point now.
What I mean is that the story is so huge now we might as well let it keep going till Somber is finally able to end it the way he wants to. Not like this is a published work on a deadline.

[Scienza]

Also, this is sort of on the "plot points we'd like to see hit" thing, but we haven't seen anything from the Collegiate in like forever. I brought up the Reapers and the Rangers because they were a lot of fun, I felt that you had a lot of fun writing them, and they kinda disappeared after 42. I bring up the Collegiate because there's something of a lot of stuff that hasn't really been concluded, like Silver Stripe's screwing with Blackjack's head, what's going on with the Zodiacs, possible connections between Cognitum and Steelpony, whether they've got anything going with the Harbingers, whether Triage is still a jerk, etc. You haven't necessarily neglected them, since I kinda expect that you'll deal with it eventually, but it might be nice to think about them in the future.

Also, Blackjack needs to get it on with Rampage to complete her conquest of her harem friends. 

[Icy Shake]

Also, this is sort of on the "plot points we'd like to see hit" thing, but we haven't seen anything from the Collegiate in like forever. I brought up the Reapers and the Rangers because they were a lot of fun, I felt that you had a lot of fun writing them, and they kinda disappeared after 42. I bring up the Collegiate because there's something of a lot of stuff that hasn't really been concluded, like Silver Stripe's screwing with Blackjack's head, what's going on with the Zodiacs, possible connections between Cognitum and Steelpony, whether they've got anything going with the Harbingers, whether Triage is still a jerk, etc. You haven't neglected them, since I kinda expect that you'll deal with it eventually, but it might be nice to think about them in the future.

Also, Blackjack needs to get it on with Rampage to complete her conquest of her harem friends. 

Sure on the Collegiate, but on the completion of the "conquest," let's bring in the All-Equestrian Checklist team:
 P-21?
  Check.
  Glory?
 What a check!
   Rampage?
  No, not yet.
  Scotch Tape?
  Not yet, and if what you said about me and Rarity holds for them, that's presumably off the table for a few years yet.
 Quite right. A lady would never lay with a child.
 *pfft* Right, because Blackjack's such a lady.
 Moving on now! Lacunae?
  It depends (she did have that depressing and unsatisfying mind-sex with sex worker Trixie via the mind-delve into Lacunae), but if you don't count that, she's dead or gone now, probably.
 What about the people who were kind of part of her group for a while?
 For the expanded group, she's had sex with Stygius but not Psychoshy (she did offer advice, though). I can't think of any other members of her group of traveling friends unless you want to set the bar really low, except maybe Tank!Deus.
 So, the only way Rampage "completes her conquest" is if you either count Lacunae or remove her from the available set on the basis that she's no longer available, and either way you'd need to remove Scotch from the available set until she's older. And she's even further away if you include Psychoshy or Deus.
 But if you say she's had sex with Lacunae, it's only a short distance from being able to justify a claim she's slept with Rarity!
Keep me out of this!

[Scienza]

Checklists are the sexiest:

There's a lot about what was going on with Lacunae that was, if not mindsexy, very romantic. You bet that she "probed her subconscious" at some point.

Boo and Scotch are kinda excluded from the conquest list because either would make the situation very, very uncomfortably icky.

[Caoimhe]

Little late coming in but the important thing is to finish the story and not the way the fans want (within reason). Remember, FoE had that weird ass "IT'S OKAY IT WAS LIKE THIS" ending because fans demanded instead of taking time to polish a perfect finale.

[FoolNeim]

It is fair though.  I do want to get to the ending.  I have other stories I'd like to start.  I don't want to do so in four chapters though.  It would suck, and I wouldn't be able to have the ending I envisioned.  There's things Blackjack needs to do... like (redacted)... losing (redacted) again... and having a (redacted)....

Unfortunately, I realize the story is already gargantuanly long.  I wish I could simply paraphrase scenes in a paragraph or two... but then I want to add detail and dialogue and it gets longer and then I have to revise and it gets longer and then I revise the revision which gets re-revised and then I throw my hooves up in disgust and shout 'BLARRRGHHH!' to the writing gods, that they strike me down or give me some kind of inspiration go get the damned thing writen...

So I might either release 2 chapters, one chapter in two parts (because it really is an arc finale), or one really big chapter.  Need to talk it over with the others.

I like the chapter lengths all generally fall into a certain range (28-35 pages, usually), so I'd probably go for 2 chapters, maybe after getting well into the second so you know where to better bisect them.

I think it'd also be cool if two chapters were released within a relatively short time frame.

Also, if possible, I wouldn't mind the crew revisiting Chapel before going into the final arc. Like the lull before the storm. Seems like there's several unresolved plot points just involving that.

[FoolNeim]

At the risk of sounding like dick as much as I loved Psychoshy if in order see her again we have to also see Styg I hope not.

You know, I never saw what the big problem was with Stygius. He did seem like an interloper at first but that really wasn't his fault, it was Blackjack being a dumbass (which is very much in-character for her). Also his sister had some good lines. It's probably best he didn't become a core member of the group (him having to write all his communication on a board probably would have gotten old) but he wasn't a horrible character at all imho. In order for Psychoshy to show up again, maybe as a compromise Stygius just has a cameo or two? I still don't see why he's so disliked.

[Guest]

@Neural Connectivity Akin to Sex
This was something I appreciated in whatsitcalled, uh, Pacific Rim. It was so non-shippy between the two main characters, and I liked that. They were in each other's minds, hyper-intimate, but there wasn't anything sexualized about it. It was an interesting way to handle the subject.

@swicked
I liked the image of Boo chasing people covered in cake frosting. =P

[O. Hinds]

So the new chapter/chapter half (we've not entirely decided yet, though I'd say it's probably going to be a chapter in two parts) has been coming along very nicely. We had to break a bit early today, but we expect to have it finished tomorrow (Sunday).

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