Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:44 pm
So I taking a quick look at EqD's most recent FoE update post, which is, as usual, gargantuan. On a whim, I Ctrl + F for 'horizons'. and there's three stories whose descriptions state are "Based on", "Inspired by", and "This story requires familiarity with" Project Horizons.
Here's a completely crazy question: Pretend that we're in some crazy alternate universe where PH is the actual sequel to FoE. Describe the third story in the trilogy.
Here's a completely crazy question: Pretend that we're in some crazy alternate universe where PH is the actual sequel to FoE. Describe the third story in the trilogy.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:49 pm
Here's a question for ya'll: How long was the Pink Cloud around Canterlot anyway? IIRC, we figured it would be over a day right?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:51 pm
Worst case scenario? The Road.Derpmind wrote:
Here's a completely crazy question: Pretend that we're in some crazy alternate universe where PH is the actual sequel to FoE. Describe the third story in the trilogy.
Best case scenario...
Whiskey. Lot's of it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Caoimhe Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:09 pm
Pony ventures outside the stable for ~reasons~, takes a look around, loudly declares "FUCK THIS SHIT" and runs back in and is welcomed back with open arms by caring family and then goes on an adventuring dealing with problems such as "who didn't replace the TP in the community toilet" and "the overmare's 50th birthday party planning."Derpmind wrote:So I taking a quick look at EqD's most recent FoE update post, which is, as usual, gargantuan. On a whim, I Ctrl + F for 'horizons'. and there's three stories whose descriptions state are "Based on", "Inspired by", and "This story requires familiarity with" Project Horizons.
Here's a completely crazy question: Pretend that we're in some crazy alternate universe where PH is the actual sequel to FoE. Describe the third story in the trilogy.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:12 pm
The main quest is a single session of group therapy.Caoimhe wrote:Pony ventures outside the stable for ~reasons~, takes a look around, loudly declares "FUCK THIS SHIT" and runs back in and is welcomed back with open arms by caring family and then goes on an adventuring dealing with problems such as "who didn't replace the TP in the community toilet" and "the overmare's 50th birthday party planning."Derpmind wrote:So I taking a quick look at EqD's most recent FoE update post, which is, as usual, gargantuan. On a whim, I Ctrl + F for 'horizons'. and there's three stories whose descriptions state are "Based on", "Inspired by", and "This story requires familiarity with" Project Horizons.
Here's a completely crazy question: Pretend that we're in some crazy alternate universe where PH is the actual sequel to FoE. Describe the third story in the trilogy.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:05 pm
Oh, no doubt. But I guess we shouldn't really be surprised by this development. After all...tylertoon2 wrote:Not only that. But I'm sure this will cause P-21 to have a huge ass breakdown.
*cough*
It's what his cutie mark is telling him.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:08 pm
Ummmm... about 200 years? I'm not sure what you're asking. Canterlot was full of Cloud from the Last Day until Littlepip turned Mouse into a mouse and/or until the Enclave blew the city away. If you meant to ask how long Celestia and Luna held their shield with the cloud in it, it was a matter of hours.stringtheory wrote:Here's a question for ya'll: How long was the Pink Cloud around Canterlot anyway? IIRC, we figured it would be over a day right?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:31 pm
I'm guessing he meant how long it lingered after the dragon became the mouse. Also, I'm glad you liked my MDW suggestion, SC.
On to the third installment of the series:
The protagonist is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. All the memory/two centuries ago plot is in her head. The party consists of other members of her home for the mentally compromized and the staff. This is starting to sound a lot like "Lucidity."
"Lucidity" is the final installment.
On to the third installment of the series:
The protagonist is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. All the memory/two centuries ago plot is in her head. The party consists of other members of her home for the mentally compromized and the staff. This is starting to sound a lot like "Lucidity."
"Lucidity" is the final installment.
- Drugs, spoilerd because old and much of it repeats stuff others have said:
- On the drugs and addiction thing, I'd say that Derpmind probably got the closest to how I see it, or at least got there very efficiently. Now, I know I've been bringing up Dune quite a bit recently (weird, since I haven't read it in years), but the PTM addiction really makes me think of melange addiction: on the plus side you're smarter and have more energy (and potentially precognitive visions), and for melange, you can greatly extend your life. There are no apparent negative side effects while you are taking it (For PTMs, though I guess there's overconfidence? But it's not really overconfidence if you always win when you take them, is it?), unless you like your eye color or are seriously taking a ton because it's part of your job (spice). But if you take a lot of spice over time and then stop, you die, and it's the most expensive thing in the world, and so there's at least a built-in monetary burden. But the key thing is that that story didn't make itself about drug addiction, at least not on a personal level.
Where PH does better with drugs (than the original) is, basically, everywhere. First, although it seemed to me like she never became addicted, or if so, only fairly shortly before the treatment, the severe and visceral effects were illustrated. The treatment wasn't implied to just end addiction, which is part of why I figure she wasn't (very) addicted at any point.
Now, for the handling of addiction, we first have Flank, but unfortunately don't spend the time there to see the junkies over any meaningful period or how it really affects them. No, the real key is P-21 and first, how much it led him to act differently than he would otherwise, in greviously endangering his daughter; second, how he sought to first cover his addiction behind his broken leg and then hide it generally, though Pip did at least have this going on; and lastly the severe strain it took to go off the drug, where even if it was largely off screen we at least saw the physical effects. And dropping the game mechanic was key.
- Spoilered because nothing interesting to say, mostly recap:
- most notably finalizing the relationship with the Zodiacs, learning about Steelpony, getting our first real look at Eternity, and the first of the Psalm dreams. Obviously during Partypooper, but hard to tell just when; certainly it's after she stopped praying after each kill, so I'd assume that's after Garnet.
From a character standpoint, we have the memory erasure for Scotch (and Rampage consequently leaving the group for now) and meet Zodiac. More importantly, we have two of the most adorable characters in the story, Pisces and Capri, the sea ponies. I think it's the first time that Dawn was mentioned as one of the Hoofington Six, but although we have that as the name of Glory's mother, there's not much to suggest they are the same person besides the fact that names don't seem to overlap much and Glory's mother came from the surface. Glory and Blackjack start to mend things, but there's no telling if Glory can manage to stick with her for the long haul. P-21 starts showing signs of Med-X addiction, now that he doesn't have the cover of the busted leg any more.
Not too much else to say. Zodiac made a dick move, and probably could have got away with just taking EC-1101, but then again the universe loves messing with BJ and can't do that if she gets a clean death; the real reason, of course, is that Zodiac just isn't like that, I think; she may not be the softest heart in the Wasteland, but she doesn't seem like one to kill the good guys to get what she wants. Glory is best lawyer; Rampage is loaded, or at least used to be. Probably still is. Luna was more involved than she looked, but no details just yet, and Goldenblood outed as a stone cold killer with unreal flair.
It's amazing how fast Blackjack went from "They say I've got six months; I bet I can last a year. Isn't that a lark? Ha ha *choke* ha" to "Whhyyyyyhuhuyyyyyhyyy!?" to "Well, I don't have much time left, so here's the plan," but it kind of fits her. Especially since part of that was about being strong for the ones who need her.
- Chapter Twenty Eight Running Thoughts:
- “Rampage! On the zebra! Lacunae, arrows on the big guy! P-21, use whatever you have hidden on the pegasus! Scotch, find Glory! Arrows is mine!” And with a battle cry, I snatched an eating utensil from the table in my teeth and lunged towards the bow-wielding green unicorn.
Nopony moved as I flopped on my belly with my mouth set determinedly around my weapon.
This is a great comedic (second) start to the chapter and a massive contrast to the interview about fear. The "well, once more unto the breach" attitude sets up the slapstick utter failure to deliver, and is improved by the obvious thought and observation that went into the call to action—with the omission of the consideration of her own limitations. Additionally, it's worth noting how much the reaction contrasts to what you'd expect from her in later chapters, which would be far more reserved and willing to wait until they initiated hostilities, which goes to show that Blackjack grows and matures in ways that have had actual influence on how she acts, rather than just how she thinks/narrates.
“Easily. Though I feel obliged to point out that, typically, heroes do not take doctors that have repeatedly saved their lives hostage,” the purple alicorn said wryly. “The Goddess does not know if she should be impressed or disappointed.”
Well, almost by definition, (short term) hostage-taking is generally done by the weak, not the strong, and heroes that stick around and make an impact one remembers tend to be not weak but strong. But yes, it's definitely a move that white hats tend not to make.
Ever since meeting me, her life had been one painful mistake after another. If Dusk could get her back to the Enclave, good.
I know that the self loathing is strong in this one, but this is a clear example of where it overpowers any semblance of reason: how could Glory improve her situation by subjecting herself to immediate and intense persecution?
“Blackjack doesn’t owe you anything!”
Yeah, that's something I was kind of thinking myself. Sure, that's about how emergency departments work in the U.S., but one of the keys there is it's in the context of a larger legal system. This whole thing came across as extortion.
Okay… she’s… she’s not going to hear this, is she? ‘Cause… you know… I don’t want to say anything bad.
I think you mean "I don't want her to hear me say anything bad."
She left the stable, which was crazy. She came back, which was crazy. She killed everypony… which was crazy.
I am, perhaps, just a little, with you on the second one. Maybe leaving was crazy, but desperate times and all that. The last wasn't crazy at all, but sad. Even returning made plenty of sense; why would she expect such a poor reception, after all, when her actions had saved what remains of the stable from Deus?
Luna’s government was as different as night from day, using deception and obfuscation to keep ponies confused and obedient. And Goldenblood knew all the loopholes, tricks, and intricacies. After all, he helped Luna set them up.
And, notably, perhaps, he may have learned the basis for them from his time abroad: the structures—or at least (maybe) the thought process behind them—of the Zebras adopted by Equestria to prosecute their war against them.
“And I suspect that Luna herself enjoyed the games on some level.”
Though there is also this, which isn't fully supported until much later with the appearance of Eclipse in chapter forty nine.
I think you managed to offend the Goddess big time by not mentioning that Sanguine has Chimera.
Come to think of it, why not at least check out Chimera? At the least, she maintained enough of the memory to adapt it to the Alicorn project, and the Flux factory was public knowledge. I guess it's probably just the generally elevated level of Enervation precluding investigation.
“Oh… about the whole six months thing? Ppppft. Never tell me the odds,” I said as I grinned back at her.
Well, nobody said the Star Wars references started with sixty one, though it's interesting that Blackjack remains Han.
“It’s… It’s not fair…” I gasped. I shook with each new spasm of tears. “I… I wanted to save Mom… I wanted to save Midnight… and… and everypony in 99. I wanted to save you. Have kids some day. Have a… have a life! I found something to live for, damn it!” I said, my voice hoarse and choking as snot and tears seemed to flow equally.
Now, the bolded sentence strikes me as potentially a little bit out of character, especially considering the related inability to pick up on the sexual mores outside the stable: I would have expected her to say "a kid"—singular—not multiple. Especially since this is an unguarded, spontaneous outpouring of emotion, I would think she'd fall back on her internalized expectations from most of her life to date, maybe even going so far as to say "a daughter."
“And now… now I’m just… just going to die?! Why the fuck is this happening to me? What the fuck does it take for me to get a fucking break? To have something fucking good happen? Anything!” I yelled into her chest. “I’m sick of it!”
. . .
“I’m sorry…” she whispered softly in my ear. “I’m sorry I can’t help you. I wish there was somepony in the Wasteland I could find to help you.”
I think it's important to note how relatively early this starts. The search for a way to save Blackjack, or at least the prompt to start it, wasn't something that began as she lay dying on the Seahorse, and despite what may happen in the days to week or two ahead, I think that this is what stuck in Glory's mind: not the later acceptance of death, likely in large part out of despair of an alternative; not the pain since then; no, what she was probably thinking of was that Blackjack wanted so much out of life that was being taken from her, and hated it, and the unfairness of it, and that damn it, she deserves these things!
“You do, Glory. Every second I’m with you, you make things better. Make them easier. I couldn’t do this without you,” I said as I looked into her eyes. Our brows touched.
Our lips did the same. Sweet Celestia, how I missed this.
I was going to die, but at least I wouldn’t be dying alone.
And a beautiful end to the scene.
“I always liked Dusk, you know?” I said as trotted along, my braces clattering.
What? Well, there's no accounting for taste in humor.
“I was involved with some of the technical aspects of Project Steelpony and Project Eternity.”
Ooh! This should be good. It's only the third thing we learn about Eternity, after 1) it's a thing and 2) it's and O.I.A. project sealed by royal command.
“Suddenly, the emphasis of Steelpony wasn’t just replacement but augmentation. But that pushed things further than Fluttershy or Applejack were comfortable with. It’s one thing to want to protect ponies; it’s another to turn a pony into a war machine.” The image overhead showed Applejack and Fluttershy shaking their heads gravely at a solemn Goldenblood and frustrated-looking Silver Stripe.
You can almost hear her thinking "Luddites."
“Goldenblood was related to royalty. He never had problems paying for materials. I don’t know where the money came from, but he always paid his bills on time.” I frowned; had Goldenblood been fantastically wealthy in addition to a sneaky bastard? Could even a fantastically wealthy pony’s money have covered all of the O.I.A.’s secret expenses?
Well, he presumably didn't get any great amount of money from Blueblood, but his mother was a friend of Celestia's, so that might suggest a high status. As for the latter question, it's probably safe to answer in the negative.
Doof was our first fully augmented battle model. And he exceeded our wildest dreams.
Good to see you set your sights low: the maddening, almost debilitating pain seems like it would ordinarily have been considered a crippling flaw.
Rampage... well, clearly not all Wasteland ponies were interested in old times, as she was picking at her nose with a hoof.
HOW DO HOOVES WORK? Just kidding. They work however they need to. Or maybe she was using a claw.
“I wasn’t just in charge of Project Steelpony…” she said as we stared at the contents of that jar. In the hazy water was a pony, technically a zony, flayed of its skin and missing three of its limbs. Wires and tubes snaked in and out of the carcass and into a port in the floor. Tangles of wires emerged from empty eye sockets and missing ears. And, maybe it was just me, but the corners of the ragged mouth curled in a smile as the projection declared, “I was also a client.”
Creepy description, that. And the tone leading up to the reveal, the general style of this paragraph, and the speech and smile in particular, seems like it's about/coming from a villain, not not someone on the good guys' side. I like it.
“Do I like Blackjack? Are you serious? Really?
“…
“Fine. No, I don’t like Blackjack. Because every second I’m around her I’m reminded of a place that hurt me.
. . .
“How can you like a person like that? How can you love a person like that?
Whoa! May have missed the end of that on the first read-through, or just not have it register. And yes, this could just be referring to one of the more generalized forms of love, but in any case P-21 went there on his own, and considering the direction things have taken, this may have been a Freudian slip.
“I mean, most ponies don’t end up in jars. Not unless you folks take making pickles to a whole new level.”
Well, there was that one guy, but given the CMC's reaction to him, that was pretty abnormal.
No sign of P-21 since we’d left the planetarium. I scowled, not liking this at all. Whether he wanted to admit she was his daughter or not, he should at least be here!
There's that, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he noticed the cloak shimmer, too, and is following that person.
Rampage seemed to read my thoughts. “You can’t do this, Blackjack. Taking away her memories just to make her happy is wrong.”
“She had a panic attack, Rampage. Are you saying we should just let her keep suffering?” Glory countered with a worried look.
This is actually almost the same as the end of "Play," with Rampage replacing P-21 and Glory taking the intervention side of the argument. Blackjack, of course, makes the same decision, but I think with much less supporting it.
He had a barely touched bottle of Wild Pegasus and an empty syringe of Med-X next to him; I guessed his leg still bothered him.
And we see the first pretty unambiguous sign that P-21's addicted to Med-X, or at any rate that he uses it for more than just the bum leg, since that's fixed now, and the autodoc always seemed to handle relatively simple stuff like that fine.
“Eternity was a complete flop. Rarity micromanaged that project into the ground and wouldn’t let me get past setting her up at Hightower Jail.”
“If it was related to Image, Rarity wouldn’t have needed the O.I.A. She would have just done it herself.” She sighed and mused, more to herself than to me, “A way to keep her friends safe forever...”
Well, at least we get these little things. Though in this case saying you were in charge seems to be pushing the truth a little.
“It rather depends on the nature of the augmentation. Deus’ implants were invasive and the link to his nervous system was fairly crude. When I was forced to get my upgrades, a year of refinement had taken place. But it doesn’t feel… normal.”
I know that, at least at some point, there was a real possibility that BJ stayed dead and the story continued with Scotch as the protagonist, but even if that was still the case at this time this little bit serves an important role in setting up Blackjack's longstanding discomfort with the augmentations.
“And Awesome, Crunchy Carrots, Finders Keepers, and little Dawn. Six friends trying to save Hoofington.”
Blackjack already knows that Glory's mother is named Dawn, and that she came from the surface. Wonder if she'll consider the possibility that she's the same one.
“Sheeee’d… cast a failproof failsafe spell that would instantly make the right choice just pop right out at her. And then she’d hop into her magic flying tank and do it! ‘Cause she actually knows how to do this heroic crap!”
Pop a PTM? Shoot someone with the zebra rifle whose burning magic horrified her for about a minute, which horror was never mentioned again? Ogle the laydeez? Outsource?
Okay, that last one actually sounds like it might be a good idea here.
Was it just me, or did Homage have a…. nah. Though...a super unicorn mare capable of doing all that? Heck, I’d be a bit moist in the… “Uggghhh! None of this is helping, Blackjack!”
Of course, that might well be exactly what the Stable Dweller would do.
Hell, Blackjack had almost speared a doctor’s throat. Security wouldn’t have ever done that.
That's . . . actually a good point.
Security would trust her friends to take care of themselves, help them if they asked for it, and not agonize about dying in months when she could die tomorrow.
And what would that imply about dealing with Scotch?
It was some sort of monsterponies! Taint monsters! They were gonna eat me! My horn flashed as it tried to shoot my magic bullet spell. It really tried! The flickering ball of light struck the turquoise pony in the face with a zap that blackened her face with soot.
Real glad she's still burned out at this point. Also, becomes more tolerant pretty quickly. Seriously, she's normally not so quick to jump at someone because they look different (Hoofington raiders notwithstanding), and this wasn't a case like with the (known) Zodiacs from earlier where she had a personal reason to be aggressively reactive.
“Who… what… how...?” I babbled, pointing my right hoof at them. Then I saw the hurt in the pink one’s red eyes and sighed. Okay, freaking out not helping anypony. “Sorry. I didn’t know these tubs were... occupied.”
But at least she recovers fairly well.
“Does that mean that you’re thinking about it?” Pisces suddenly arced back into the tub I occupied and gave me a very squishy hug. “Please help her! Please. I know she’s creepy and freaky and strange but she’s the only pony who’s been good to me and Sis. Please!”
Didn't get to saying this yet, but Pices and Capri are super cute.
I sighed softly and dropped to my knees beside her. Now it was her turn to be held. The guns forgotten, she pressed her face into my shoulder and sobbed. “I know it’s wrong but I want it so damn much!” And that was all that needed to be said. All that could be said. And like the rain in Hoofington, tears would come. But eventually the rain would end.
Very sad scene. Helps that Blackjack never really talked in it.
“You will pay attention to us!” The Goddess stomped her hoof firmly. I used to do the same thing when I was a filly.
Ah, she who would control the world. I can see Trixie doing that.
I smiled slightly. How in Equestria did the Goddess believe humility, restraint, and compassion were weaknesses?
Well, with Trixie dominant, and much of the others shunted away, there's no one with the experience to see how those are often the luxury of the strong.
[Rampage] “It’s funny, when you think about it. Like me catching the killer only to become a killer myself.” There wasn’t any mirth in that laugh.
Well then. Coincidence or subconscious memory bleed? In any case, good foreshadowing, at least that it was that particular cop.
“Even worse Idea. Ever hear of an Ursa Major?” From the gasp from Lacunae, one of us had. Rampage didn’t elaborate. “Let’s just that say there’s a reason everypony stays away from Black Pony Mountain.”
Though it might not be the one you're thinking of. Especially if it's the one you're not thinking of.
I rested my head on Glory’s chest, listening to the beat of a sound and healthy heart, and let it soothe me off to sleep.
I like this line. Very bittersweet.
I forgot that the Psalm dreams started this soon! Well, Partypooper has begun. Not the strongest of the Psalm dreams by a long shot, and not even entirely clear that it's not just a dream, except in retrospect, but a good introduction. Though Blackjack calls it out as like an orb right after.
The only pony who knew everything was Goldenblood… and maybe Vanity.”
I forgot this. Wouldn't have expected it, but then maybe they were close, and Vanity was a pretty decent guy.
“Fascinating, isn’t it? We’ve been finding more and more of this ore the deeper we excavate. Its properties and potential are astounding.” Rarity dropped her gaze, chewing her lip. Clearly she didn’t want to discuss stupid rocks.
Early signs that yes, there is (always was) something unusual under Hoofington, building on two chapters ago. I feel like it should be "dumb rocks," as the reference is obvious, but the change is probably for the best as "dumb" just sounds, well, dumb here.
“Do you know what the three most precious things in Equestria are, Dewdrop?” he asked, and she could feel the breeze blowing out of the shaft on her flanks as he backed her right up to the metal rails surrounded the dark, bottomless-looking pit.
“Family, sir? Friends? Um… money?”
“Family is a dime a dozen,” he said with a soft snort. “Friends are articles of convenience. And money is trash.” He shook his head as his horn glowed, and he whispered softly into her ear, “No, the three most precious things are loyalty, love... and secrets.”
The description in the first paragraph gave me chills. As for the dialog, well, Goldenblood's a right bastard, but you have to admit he has style.
And, of course, I don't think there's any question that he lived his life on the basis that those three things counted above all else.
“Well... if you can get to the Flash Industries headquarters’ maneframe and use EC-1101 to unlock it, I should be able to extract the Steelpony activation files and schematics from here.”
“Flash Industries?”
That place I need to pass right by to get to the Steel Rangers? Convenient!
I’d direct you to the Aegis Security headquarters, but it took a direct hit from a balefire missile. There’s naught left but a crater.
It's a subtle joke, but I see what you did there. Good one.
“But what I’d really like is a nice place to live with Glory, a kid of my own, in a safe place, with a weekly poker night with my friends.
Yeah, see, that seems more natural, with the one kid.
“Leo didn’t want his gun back?” I asked with a smile of my own.
“He did, but I beat him…” she said with a chuckle.
“You fought him?” I asked in shock. Glory fighting for a gun?
She brushed her purple mane out of her eyes. “No. I guilt tripped him about almost killing you when you were going to do so much for the Professor, so he dropped it.”
That's pretty funny, and a nice way to end a nice chapter. Apart from the memory erasure, but really seeing the badness from that isn't something we've done yet.
- Chapter Twenty Eight Editing:
- “I’d gladly take a dive through a dragon’s digestive tract than face that.”
Should there be some kind of descriptor here, before the "than," like "rather"?
Instead, he looked at Taurus’ rifle.
Taurus's
“I mean… she said she wet the bed… I mean…really?
Space needed after last ellipsis.
saw Goldenblood’s memories… It all sort of built up around me.”
Either second space after ellipsis or no capitalization of "it."
It’s… It’s not fair
ditto
it’s more like the Zodiacs’ have a deal with me than the other way around,
No apostrophe for "Zodiacs."
it had to take money and materials and...somepony should have caught on.”
Space needed after ellipsis.
A purple field rose up over every window.
The last (architectural) thing that was talked about (implicitly) was the view out of the cafe, which would include other buildings. It confused me a little, though it was cleared soon after, because I originally assumed this was meant to mean every window in the city/line of sight, not "every window in the building" or "cafe." Just a possible minor point of clarification to consider.
The artificial sun receded, but the fires spread further and further.
Possible "further" to "farther."
At first things were...as good as could be expected,
Space needed after ellipsis.
What was-- “Excuse me,” Glory said with a frown.
Symmetrical spacing around dash? This one's a weird case.
“… No more stupid questions.”
Not sure there should be a space between the ellipsis and "no."
Letting Scotch watch the end of Equestria… kick… Letting her sit in on the meeting… kick… Letting her leave Chapel with us in the first place… kick kick kick! I mentally
Another space after second and fourth ellipses, three spaces after exclamation point.
Deus’ implants were invasive and the link to
"Deus's"
And apparently she’d just screwed over Red Eye and reestablished DJ Pon3 eyes and ears down in the city!
Should DJ Pon3 have a possessive?
Though...a super unicorn mare capable of doing all that?
Space needed after ellipsis.
In 99, my choice was ‘do what I was told’. Outside, it was ‘get away from Deus’. For a while, it was ‘Find out what EC-1101 is’. Now it was ‘Try not to get anypony killed’.
And, if I was honest, ‘Don’t die in six months’ was really up there too.
In first two "choices," first letter is not capitalized; in the latter three, it is. Also, I think that to be consistent with the other three, the first should be 'do what I am told'.
I tested my horn’s magic; it seemed like it was finally starting to return; at least for basic telekinesis.
Suggest second semicolon to comma.
Oceanus and his mighty leviathan?” That set off a few
Only one space after the quotation.
Or we’re taint super mutants with powers beyond your-“
Second hyphen for dash.
“Shoo be doo… Shoo shoo be doo,”
Second space after ellispis or no capitalization for second "shoo."
What is the Goddess’ interest in Blackjack?
"Goddess's"
elevating and preserving all ponies through Unity in The Goddess.
Should the "the" be capitalized?
WE ARE YOUR SALVATION! THE GODDESS-“
Second hyphen for dash.
She certainly wasn’t-- and then Rampage’s hoof across my face ended that thought process.
Symmetrical spacing around dash.
Get myself some new organs, Glory a new wing, and the Goddess a date.”
“Well I’m not going to do that either.
First paragraph shouldn't end with a closing quotation mark.
“Even worse Idea.
"Idea" shouldn't be capitalized.
From the gasp from Lacunae, one of us had. Rampage didn’t
Four spaces after the period.
I’m going to do my damndest to encourage folks to do better.”
“Or die trying
First paragraph shouldn't end with a closing quotation mark.
if it hasn’t been hit…” There was a note of despair
Should have second space after quotation.
a motherly type. Not the sort you’d
Three spaces after the period.
One filly torn in half... One crushed in an embrace... A lullaby... “That thing in the tunnels... Me and sleep
Another space after ellipses, or changing up capitalization.
and she could feel the breeze blowing out of the shaft on her flanks as he backed her right up to the metal rails surrounded the dark,
"surrounding"
Well...nothing to do but start trying to get answers to them.
Space needed after ellipsis.
the Flash Industries headquarters’ maneframe and
"headquarters's"
Boom Inc. O.I.A. Progress Office. Hightower Jail. Horizon Laboratories.
Hightower was already covered. Or are the icons different from the map locations?
Last edited by Icy Shake on Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:21 am; edited 1 time in total
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:40 pm
Yeah, sorry I meant how long the shield was up around canterlot...SilentCarto wrote:Ummmm... about 200 years? I'm not sure what you're asking. Canterlot was full of Cloud from the Last Day until Littlepip turned Mouse into a mouse and/or until the Enclave blew the city away. If you meant to ask how long Celestia and Luna held their shield with the cloud in it, it was a matter of hours.stringtheory wrote:Here's a question for ya'll: How long was the Pink Cloud around Canterlot anyway? IIRC, we figured it would be over a day right?
Stringtheory- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:31 am
I think you've got the wrong person; I haven't said anything about drugs recently. My best guess is that you're referring to this post by Scienza?Icy Shake wrote:On the drugs and addiction thing, I'd say that Derpmind probably got the closest to how I see it,
Derpmind- Mindmaster Extraordinaire
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:55 am
Hah!Caoimhe wrote:Pony ventures outside the stable for ~reasons~, takes a look around, loudly declares "FUCK THIS SHIT" and runs back in and is welcomed back with open arms by caring family and then goes on an adventuring dealing with problems such as "who didn't replace the TP in the community toilet" and "the overmare's 50th birthday party planning."
Ah, thank you very much as always.Icy Shake wrote:I'm guessing he meant how long it lingered after the dragon became the mouse. Also, I'm glad you liked my MDW suggestion, SC.
On to the third installment of the series:
The protagonist is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. All the memory/two centuries ago plot is in her head. The party consists of other members of her home for the mentally compromized and the staff. This is starting to sound a lot like "Lucidity."
"Lucidity" is the final installment.Also read through chapter twenty eight today. This was a nice chapter. I'd say even lower key than "A Good Day." There were some good jokes and a few important plot threads got inclusion
- Drugs, spoilerd because old and much of it repeats stuff others have said:
Where PH does better with drugs (than the original) is, basically, everywhere. First, although it seemed to me like she never became addicted, or if so, only fairly shortly before the treatment, the severe and visceral effects were illustrated. The treatment wasn't implied to just end addiction, which is part of why I figure she wasn't (very) addicted at any point.
Now, for the handling of addiction, we first have Flank, but unfortunately don't spend the time there to see the junkies over any meaningful period or how it really affects them. No, the real key is P-21 and first, how much it led him to act differently than he would otherwise, in greviously endangering his daughter; second, how he sought to first cover his addiction behind his broken leg and then hide it generally, though Pip did at least have this going on; and lastly the severe strain it took to go off the drug, where even if it was largely off screen we at least saw the physical effects. And dropping the game mechanic was key.
- Spoilered because nothing interesting to say, mostly recap:
From a character standpoint, we have the memory erasure for Scotch (and Rampage consequently leaving the group for now) and meet Zodiac. More importantly, we have two of the most adorable characters in the story, Pisces and Capri, the sea ponies. I think it's the first time that Dawn was mentioned as one of the Hoofington Six, but although we have that as the name of Glory's mother, there's not much to suggest they are the same person besides the fact that names don't seem to overlap much and Glory's mother came from the surface. Glory and Blackjack start to mend things, but there's no telling if Glory can manage to stick with her for the long haul. P-21 starts showing signs of Med-X addiction, now that he doesn't have the cover of the busted leg any more.
Not too much else to say. Zodiac made a dick move, and probably could have got away with just taking EC-1101, cut then again the universe loves messing with BJ and can't do that if she gets a clean death; the real reason, of course, is that Zodiac just isn't like that, I think; she may not be the softest heart in the Wasteland, but she doesn't seem like one to kill the good guys to get what she wants. Glory is best lawyer; Rampage is loaded, or at least used to be. Probably still is. Luna was more involved than she looked, but no details just yet, and Goldenblood outed as a stone cold killer with unreal flair.
It's amazing how fast Blackjack went from "They say I've got six months; I bet I can last a year. Isn't that a lark? Ha ha *choke* ha" to "Whhyyyyyhuhuyyyyyhyyy!?" to "Well, I don't have much time left, so here's the plan," but it kind of fits her. Especially since part of that was about being strong for the ones who need her.
- Chapter Twenty Eight Running Thoughts:
Nopony moved as I flopped on my belly with my mouth set determinedly around my weapon.
This is a great comedic (second) start to the chapter and a massive contrast to the interview about fear. The "well, once more unto the breach" attitude sets up the slapstick utter failure to deliver, and is improved by the obvious thought and observation that went into the call to action—with the omission of the consideration of her own limitations. Additionally, it's worth noting how much the reaction contrasts to what you'd expect from her in later chapters, which would be far more reserved and willing to wait until they initiated hostilities, which goes to show that Blackjack grows and matures in ways that have had actual influence on how she acts, rather than just how she thinks/narrates.
“Easily. Though I feel obliged to point out that, typically, heroes do not take doctors that have repeatedly saved their lives hostage,” the purple alicorn said wryly. “The Goddess does not know if she should be impressed or disappointed.”
Well, almost by definition, (short term) hostage-taking is generally done by the weak, not the strong, and heroes that stick around and make an impact one remembers tend to be not weak but strong. But yes, it's definitely a move that white hats tend not to make.
Ever since meeting me, her life had been one painful mistake after another. If Dusk could get her back to the Enclave, good.
I know that the self loathing is strong in this one, but this is a clear example of where it overpowers any semblance of reason: how could Glory improve her situation by subjecting herself to immediate and intense persecution?
“Blackjack doesn’t owe you anything!”
Yeah, that's something I was kind of thinking myself. Sure, that's about how emergency departments work in the U.S., but one of the keys there is it's in the context of a larger legal system. This whole thing came across as extortion.
Okay… she’s… she’s not going to hear this, is she? ‘Cause… you know… I don’t want to say anything bad.
I think you mean "I don't want her to hear me say anything bad."
She left the stable, which was crazy. She came back, which was crazy. She killed everypony… which was crazy.
I am, perhaps, just a little, with you on the second one. Maybe leaving was crazy, but desperate times and all that. The last wasn't crazy at all, but sad. Even returning made plenty of sense; why would she expect such a poor reception, after all, when her actions had saved what remains of the stable from Deus?
Luna’s government was as different as night from day, using deception and obfuscation to keep ponies confused and obedient. And Goldenblood knew all the loopholes, tricks, and intricacies. After all, he helped Luna set them up.
And, notably, perhaps, he may have learned the basis for them from his time abroad: the structures—or at least (maybe) the thought process behind them—of the Zebras adopted by Equestria to prosecute their war against them.
“And I suspect that Luna herself enjoyed the games on some level.”
Though there is also this, which isn't fully supported until much later with the appearance of Eclipse in chapter forty nine.
I think you managed to offend the Goddess big time by not mentioning that Sanguine has Chimera.
Come to think of it, why not at least check out Chimera? At the least, she maintained enough of the memory to adapt it to the Alicorn project, and the Flux factory was public knowledge. I guess it's probably just the generally elevated level of Enervation precluding investigation.
“Oh… about the whole six months thing? Ppppft. Never tell me the odds,” I said as I grinned back at her.
Well, nobody said the Star Wars references started with sixty one, though it's interesting that Blackjack remains Han.
“It’s… It’s not fair…” I gasped. I shook with each new spasm of tears. “I… I wanted to save Mom… I wanted to save Midnight… and… and everypony in 99. I wanted to save you. Have kids some day. Have a… have a life! I found something to live for, damn it!” I said, my voice hoarse and choking as snot and tears seemed to flow equally.
Now, the bolded sentence strikes me as potentially a little bit out of character, especially considering the related inability to pick up on the sexual mores outside the stable: I would have expected her to say "a kid"—singular—not multiple. Especially since this is an unguarded, spontaneous outpouring of emotion, I would think she'd fall back on her internalized expectations from most of her life to date, maybe even going so far as to say "a daughter."
“And now… now I’m just… just going to die?! Why the fuck is this happening to me? What the fuck does it take for me to get a fucking break? To have something fucking good happen? Anything!” I yelled into her chest. “I’m sick of it!”
. . .
“I’m sorry…” she whispered softly in my ear. “I’m sorry I can’t help you. I wish there was somepony in the Wasteland I could find to help you.”
I think it's important to note how relatively early this starts. The search for a way to save Blackjack, or at least the prompt to start it, wasn't something that began as she lay dying on the Seahorse, and despite what may happen in the days to week or two ahead, I think that this is what stuck in Glory's mind: not the later acceptance of death, likely in large part out of despair of an alternative; not the pain since then; no, what she was probably thinking of was that Blackjack wanted so much out of life that was being taken from her, and hated it, and the unfairness of it, and that damn it, she deserves these things!
“You do, Glory. Every second I’m with you, you make things better. Make them easier. I couldn’t do this without you,” I said as I looked into her eyes. Our brows touched.
Our lips did the same. Sweet Celestia, how I missed this.
I was going to die, but at least I wouldn’t be dying alone.
And a beautiful end to the scene.
“I always liked Dusk, you know?” I said as trotted along, my braces clattering.
What? Well, there's no accounting for taste in humor.
“I was involved with some of the technical aspects of Project Steelpony and Project Eternity.”
Ooh! This should be good. It's only the third thing we learn about Eternity, after 1) it's a thing and 2) it's and O.I.A. project sealed by royal command.
“Suddenly, the emphasis of Steelpony wasn’t just replacement but augmentation. But that pushed things further than Fluttershy or Applejack were comfortable with. It’s one thing to want to protect ponies; it’s another to turn a pony into a war machine.” The image overhead showed Applejack and Fluttershy shaking their heads gravely at a solemn Goldenblood and frustrated-looking Silver Stripe.
You can almost hear her thinking "Luddites."
“Goldenblood was related to royalty. He never had problems paying for materials. I don’t know where the money came from, but he always paid his bills on time.” I frowned; had Goldenblood been fantastically wealthy in addition to a sneaky bastard? Could even a fantastically wealthy pony’s money have covered all of the O.I.A.’s secret expenses?
Well, he presumably didn't get any great amount of money from Blueblood, but his mother was a friend of Celestia's, so that might suggest a high status. As for the latter question, it's probably safe to answer in the negative.
Doof was our first fully augmented battle model. And he exceeded our wildest dreams.
Good to see you set your sights low: the maddening, almost debilitating pain seems like it would ordinarily have been considered a crippling flaw.
Rampage... well, clearly not all Wasteland ponies were interested in old times, as she was picking at her nose with a hoof.
HOW DO HOOVES WORK? Just kidding. They work however they need to. Or maybe she was using a claw.
“I wasn’t just in charge of Project Steelpony…” she said as we stared at the contents of that jar. In the hazy water was a pony, technically a zony, flayed of its skin and missing three of its limbs. Wires and tubes snaked in and out of the carcass and into a port in the floor. Tangles of wires emerged from empty eye sockets and missing ears. And, maybe it was just me, but the corners of the ragged mouth curled in a smile as the projection declared, “I was also a client.”
Creepy description, that. And the tone leading up to the reveal, the general style of this paragraph, and the speech and smile in particular, seems like it's about/coming from a villain, not not someone on the good guys' side. I like it.
“Do I like Blackjack? Are you serious? Really?
“…
“Fine. No, I don’t like Blackjack. Because every second I’m around her I’m reminded of a place that hurt me.
. . .
“How can you like a person like that? How can you love a person like that?
Whoa! May have missed the end of that on the first read-through, or just not have it register. And yes, this could just be referring to one of the more generalized forms of love, but in any case P-21 went there on his own, and considering the direction things have taken, this may have been a Freudian slip.
“I mean, most ponies don’t end up in jars. Not unless you folks take making pickles to a whole new level.”
Well, there was that one guy, but given the CMC's reaction to him, that was pretty abnormal.
No sign of P-21 since we’d left the planetarium. I scowled, not liking this at all. Whether he wanted to admit she was his daughter or not, he should at least be here!
There's that, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he noticed the cloak shimmer, too, and is following that person.
Rampage seemed to read my thoughts. “You can’t do this, Blackjack. Taking away her memories just to make her happy is wrong.”
“She had a panic attack, Rampage. Are you saying we should just let her keep suffering?” Glory countered with a worried look.
This is actually almost the same as the end of "Play," with Rampage replacing P-21 and Glory taking the intervention side of the argument. Blackjack, of course, makes the same decision, but I think with much less supporting it.
He had a barely touched bottle of Wild Pegasus and an empty syringe of Med-X next to him; I guessed his leg still bothered him.
And we see the first pretty unambiguous sign that P-21's addicted to Med-X, or at any rate that he uses it for more than just the bum leg, since that's fixed now, and the autodoc always seemed to handle relatively simple stuff like that fine.
“Eternity was a complete flop. Rarity micromanaged that project into the ground and wouldn’t let me get past setting her up at Hightower Jail.”
“If it was related to Image, Rarity wouldn’t have needed the O.I.A. She would have just done it herself.” She sighed and mused, more to herself than to me, “A way to keep her friends safe forever...”
Well, at least we get these little things. Though in this case saying you were in charge seems to be pushing the truth a little.
“It rather depends on the nature of the augmentation. Deus’ implants were invasive and the link to his nervous system was fairly crude. When I was forced to get my upgrades, a year of refinement had taken place. But it doesn’t feel… normal.”
I know that, at least at some point, there was a real possibility that BJ stayed dead and the story continued with Scotch as the protagonist, but even if that was still the case at this time this little bit serves an important role in setting up Blackjack's longstanding discomfort with the augmentations.
“And Awesome, Crunchy Carrots, Finders Keepers, and little Dawn. Six friends trying to save Hoofington.”
Blackjack already knows that Glory's mother is named Dawn, and that she came from the surface. Wonder if she'll consider the possibility that she's the same one.
“Sheeee’d… cast a failproof failsafe spell that would instantly make the right choice just pop right out at her. And then she’d hop into her magic flying tank and do it! ‘Cause she actually knows how to do this heroic crap!”
Pop a PTM? Shoot someone with the zebra rifle whose burning magic horrified her for about a minute, which horror was never mentioned again? Ogle the laydeez? Outsource?
Okay, that last one actually sounds like it might be a good idea here.
Was it just me, or did Homage have a…. nah. Though...a super unicorn mare capable of doing all that? Heck, I’d be a bit moist in the… “Uggghhh! None of this is helping, Blackjack!”
Of course, that might well be exactly what the Stable Dweller would do.
Hell, Blackjack had almost speared a doctor’s throat. Security wouldn’t have ever done that.
That's . . . actually a good point.
Security would trust her friends to take care of themselves, help them if they asked for it, and not agonize about dying in months when she could die tomorrow.
And what would that imply about dealing with Scotch?
It was some sort of monsterponies! Taint monsters! They were gonna eat me! My horn flashed as it tried to shoot my magic bullet spell. It really tried! The flickering ball of light struck the turquoise pony in the face with a zap that blackened her face with soot.
Real glad she's still burned out at this point. Also, becomes more tolerant pretty quickly. Seriously, she's normally not so quick to jump at someone because they look different (Hoofington raiders notwithstanding), and this wasn't a case like with the (known) Zodiacs from earlier where she had a personal reason to be aggressively reactive.
“Who… what… how...?” I babbled, pointing my right hoof at them. Then I saw the hurt in the pink one’s red eyes and sighed. Okay, freaking out not helping anypony. “Sorry. I didn’t know these tubs were... occupied.”
But at least she recovers fairly well.
“Does that mean that you’re thinking about it?” Pisces suddenly arced back into the tub I occupied and gave me a very squishy hug. “Please help her! Please. I know she’s creepy and freaky and strange but she’s the only pony who’s been good to me and Sis. Please!”
Didn't get to saying this yet, but Pices and Capri are super cute.
I sighed softly and dropped to my knees beside her. Now it was her turn to be held. The guns forgotten, she pressed her face into my shoulder and sobbed. “I know it’s wrong but I want it so damn much!” And that was all that needed to be said. All that could be said. And like the rain in Hoofington, tears would come. But eventually the rain would end.
Very sad scene. Helps that Blackjack never really talked in it.
“You will pay attention to us!” The Goddess stomped her hoof firmly. I used to do the same thing when I was a filly.
Ah, she who would control the world. I can see Trixie doing that.
I smiled slightly. How in Equestria did the Goddess believe humility, restraint, and compassion were weaknesses?
Well, with Trixie dominant, and much of the others shunted away, there's no one with the experience to see how those are often the luxury of the strong.
[Rampage] “It’s funny, when you think about it. Like me catching the killer only to become a killer myself.” There wasn’t any mirth in that laugh.
Well then. Coincidence or subconscious memory bleed? In any case, good foreshadowing, at least that it was that particular cop.
“Even worse Idea. Ever hear of an Ursa Major?” From the gasp from Lacunae, one of us had. Rampage didn’t elaborate. “Let’s just that say there’s a reason everypony stays away from Black Pony Mountain.”
Though it might not be the one you're thinking of. Especially if it's the one you're not thinking of.
I rested my head on Glory’s chest, listening to the beat of a sound and healthy heart, and let it soothe me off to sleep.
I like this line. Very bittersweet.
I forgot that the Psalm dreams started this soon! Well, Partypooper has begun. Not the strongest of the Psalm dreams by a long shot, and not even entirely clear that it's not just a dream, except in retrospect, but a good introduction. Though Blackjack calls it out as like an orb right after.
The only pony who knew everything was Goldenblood… and maybe Vanity.”
I forgot this. Wouldn't have expected it, but then maybe they were close, and Vanity was a pretty decent guy.
“Fascinating, isn’t it? We’ve been finding more and more of this ore the deeper we excavate. Its properties and potential are astounding.” Rarity dropped her gaze, chewing her lip. Clearly she didn’t want to discuss stupid rocks.
Early signs that yes, there is (always was) something unusual under Hoofington, building on two chapters ago. I feel like it should be "dumb rocks," as the reference is obvious, but the change is probably for the best as "dumb" just sounds, well, dumb here.
“Do you know what the three most precious things in Equestria are, Dewdrop?” he asked, and she could feel the breeze blowing out of the shaft on her flanks as he backed her right up to the metal rails surrounded the dark, bottomless-looking pit.
“Family, sir? Friends? Um… money?”
“Family is a dime a dozen,” he said with a soft snort. “Friends are articles of convenience. And money is trash.” He shook his head as his horn glowed, and he whispered softly into her ear, “No, the three most precious things are loyalty, love... and secrets.”
The description in the first paragraph gave me chills. As for the dialog, well, Goldenblood's a right bastard, but you have to admit he has style.
And, of course, I don't think there's any question that he lived his life on the basis that those three things counted above all else.
“Well... if you can get to the Flash Industries headquarters’ maneframe and use EC-1101 to unlock it, I should be able to extract the Steelpony activation files and schematics from here.”
“Flash Industries?”
That place I need to pass right by to get to the Steel Rangers? Convenient!
I’d direct you to the Aegis Security headquarters, but it took a direct hit from a balefire missile. There’s naught left but a crater.
It's a subtle joke, but I see what you did there. Good one.
“But what I’d really like is a nice place to live with Glory, a kid of my own, in a safe place, with a weekly poker night with my friends.
Yeah, see, that seems more natural, with the one kid.
“Leo didn’t want his gun back?” I asked with a smile of my own.
“He did, but I beat him…” she said with a chuckle.
“You fought him?” I asked in shock. Glory fighting for a gun?
She brushed her purple mane out of her eyes. “No. I guilt tripped him about almost killing you when you were going to do so much for the Professor, so he dropped it.”
That's pretty funny, and a nice way to end a nice chapter. Apart from the memory erasure, but really seeing the badness from that isn't something we've done yet.
- Chapter Twenty Eight Editing:
Should there be some kind of descriptor here, before the "than," like "rather"?
Instead, he looked at Taurus’ rifle.
Taurus's
“I mean… she said she wet the bed… I mean…really?
Space needed after last ellipsis.
saw Goldenblood’s memories… It all sort of built up around me.”
Either second space after ellipsis or no capitalization of "it."
It’s… It’s not fair
ditto
it’s more like the Zodiacs’ have a deal with me than the other way around,
No apostrophe for "Zodiacs."
it had to take money and materials and...somepony should have caught on.”
Space needed after ellipsis.
A purple field rose up over every window.
The last (architectural) thing that was talked about (implicitly) was the view out of the cafe, which would include other buildings. It confused me a little, though it was cleared soon after, because I originally assumed this was meant to mean every window in the city/line of sight, not "every window in the building" or "cafe." Just a possible minor point of clarification to consider.
The artificial sun receded, but the fires spread further and further.
Possible "further" to "farther."
At first things were...as good as could be expected,
Space needed after ellipsis.
What was-- “Excuse me,” Glory said with a frown.
Symmetrical spacing around dash? This one's a weird case.
“… No more stupid questions.”
Not sure there should be a space between the ellipsis and "no."
Letting Scotch watch the end of Equestria… kick… Letting her sit in on the meeting… kick… Letting her leave Chapel with us in the first place… kick kick kick! I mentally
Another space after second and fourth ellipses, three spaces after exclamation point.
Deus’ implants were invasive and the link to
"Deus's"
And apparently she’d just screwed over Red Eye and reestablished DJ Pon3 eyes and ears down in the city!
Should DJ Pon3 have a possessive?
Though...a super unicorn mare capable of doing all that?
Space needed after ellipsis.
In 99, my choice was ‘do what I was told’. Outside, it was ‘get away from Deus’. For a while, it was ‘Find out what EC-1101 is’. Now it was ‘Try not to get anypony killed’.
And, if I was honest, ‘Don’t die in six months’ was really up there too.
In first two "choices," first letter is not capitalized; in the latter three, it is. Also, I think that to be consistent with the other three, the first should be 'do what I am told'.
I tested my horn’s magic; it seemed like it was finally starting to return; at least for basic telekinesis.
Suggest second semicolon to comma.
Oceanus and his mighty leviathan?” That set off a few
Only one space after the quotation.
Or we’re taint super mutants with powers beyond your-“
Second hyphen for dash.
“Shoo be doo… Shoo shoo be doo,”
Second space after ellispis or no capitalization for second "shoo."
What is the Goddess’ interest in Blackjack?
"Goddess's"
elevating and preserving all ponies through Unity in The Goddess.
Should the "the" be capitalized?
WE ARE YOUR SALVATION! THE GODDESS-“
Second hyphen for dash.
She certainly wasn’t-- and then Rampage’s hoof across my face ended that thought process.
Symmetrical spacing around dash.
Get myself some new organs, Glory a new wing, and the Goddess a date.”
“Well I’m not going to do that either.
First paragraph shouldn't end with a closing quotation mark.
“Even worse Idea.
"Idea" shouldn't be capitalized.
From the gasp from Lacunae, one of us had. Rampage didn’t
Four spaces after the period.
I’m going to do my damndest to encourage folks to do better.”
“Or die trying
First paragraph shouldn't end with a closing quotation mark.
if it hasn’t been hit…” There was a note of despair
Should have second space after quotation.
a motherly type. Not the sort you’d
Three spaces after the period.
One filly torn in half... One crushed in an embrace... A lullaby... “That thing in the tunnels... Me and sleep
Another space after ellipses, or changing up capitalization.
and she could feel the breeze blowing out of the shaft on her flanks as he backed her right up to the metal rails surrounded the dark,
"surrounding"
Well...nothing to do but start trying to get answers to them.
Space needed after ellipsis.
the Flash Industries headquarters’ maneframe and
"headquarters's"
Boom Inc. O.I.A. Progress Office. Hightower Jail. Horizon Laboratories.
Hightower was already covered. Or are the icons different from the map locations?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:59 am
AND IT WAS ALL ALONG!Icy Shake wrote:I'm guessing he meant how long it lingered after the dragon became the mouse. Also, I'm glad you liked my MDW suggestion, SC.
On to the third installment of the series:
The protagonist is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. All the memory/two centuries ago plot is in her head. The party consists of other members of her home for the mentally compromized and the staff. This is starting to sound a lot like "Lucidity."
"Lucidity" is the final installment.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:08 am
My bad. Overlong Analysis Cobalt.Derpmind wrote:I think you've got the wrong person; I haven't said anything about drugs recently. My best guess is that you're referring to this post by Scienza?Icy Shake wrote:On the drugs and addiction thing, I'd say that Derpmind probably got the closest to how I see it,
Meant to hit "Edit," hit "Quote" instead. Sorry for double post.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:08 am
I can't believe I didn't include that.Scienza wrote:AND IT WAS ALL ALONG!Icy Shake wrote:I'm guessing he meant how long it lingered after the dragon became the mouse. Also, I'm glad you liked my MDW suggestion, SC.
On to the third installment of the series:
The protagonist is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. All the memory/two centuries ago plot is in her head. The party consists of other members of her home for the mentally compromized and the staff. This is starting to sound a lot like "Lucidity."
"Lucidity" is the final installment.
Last edited by Icy Shake on Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:49 am
I mean, if you think about it, there's no reason to believe that she escaped Happyhorn at all. Since it uses various situations of family and friends to treat its patients, it's entirely possible that everything post-Lucidity is just another simulation. What hits the nail on the coffin is when you realize that it's working. She is actually getting better. Perhaps the computer just realized that the best way to treat Blackjack was to put her back out into the wasteland.Icy Shake wrote:I can't believe I didn't include that.Scienza wrote:AND IT WAS ALL ALONG!Icy Shake wrote:I'm guessing he meant how long it lingered after the dragon became the mouse. Also, I'm glad you liked my MDW suggestion, SC.
On to the third installment of the series:
The protagonist is actually a paranoid schizophrenic. All the memory/two centuries ago plot is in her head. The party consists of other members of her home for the mentally compromized and the staff. This is starting to sound a lot like "Lucidity."
"Lucidity" is the final installment.
Last edited by Scienza on Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:22 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Mon Oct 21, 2013 2:40 pm
(Whew, finally caught up)
Rainbow Dash:
Given all the arguments I've seen (especially Icy's reintegration of the scene where Blackjack contemplates not being a hero) the best option is to retroactively place Mysterious Mare-Do-Well encounters throughout the story.
Ignoring that, I would like to share my biased preference.
The very first thought I had when reading the post by Somber that sparked these discussions was about identity. Somber put forward the idea that Dash might not be Dash. Out of every option, this one strikes me as the most thoroughly Horizons-ish resolution. Identity and the implications of identity are themes that saturate the story. Blackjack's beginnings brought up what Blackjack would do vs. what Security would do almost constantly. Deus re-imagined himself as a villain to distance himself from someone too confused and too pained to go on. Trueblood, Legerdemain, Caprice... they all made escapist selves that were typically amoral and dastardly. If you've forgotten their actual names, you wouldn't even know that the first two were major villains because they did their evil scheming under pseudonyms. There are many people, people who were decent or at least normal, who gave that all up to become vile.
Now what I'm interested in seeing is someone who's crafted an identity under which to perform acts of heroism.
There are all kinds of explanations as to why that face doesn't belong to Rainbow Dash. With Monkeywrench around, there's even a source of unrequited love on which to feed. In a fantasy/science setting like this, what with all the memory deletion and insertion floating around, there's even the possibility that a fake Dash might not even know that they are fake. It could happen through accident, intention, or, perhaps most tragically, it could happen completely naturally. The mantra, "Do better," but made useless by BJ's old mantra, "Don't Think About It." Push tragedy back, push mistakes away, destroy that person by forgetting them. Better to be the hero instead. Imagine what could tempt someone to take the suicidal risks involved in leaving behind their entire lives, acquiring an advanced suit of armour that could not have belonged to anyone but the real Rainbow, and gaining access to the secret Neighvarro tunnels.
But mostly I just want to see a Canterlot ghoul changeling... that would be funny.
Also, Boo is Coyotl.
Oh, one more thing: before Luna got copied into Cognitum, Horse showed us that he was wiping all the previous memories with a big red button.
Um...
Is Blackjack going to defeat Cognitum by fighting her way to a big red button and pressing it?
Rainbow Dash:
Given all the arguments I've seen (especially Icy's reintegration of the scene where Blackjack contemplates not being a hero) the best option is to retroactively place Mysterious Mare-Do-Well encounters throughout the story.
Ignoring that, I would like to share my biased preference.
The very first thought I had when reading the post by Somber that sparked these discussions was about identity. Somber put forward the idea that Dash might not be Dash. Out of every option, this one strikes me as the most thoroughly Horizons-ish resolution. Identity and the implications of identity are themes that saturate the story. Blackjack's beginnings brought up what Blackjack would do vs. what Security would do almost constantly. Deus re-imagined himself as a villain to distance himself from someone too confused and too pained to go on. Trueblood, Legerdemain, Caprice... they all made escapist selves that were typically amoral and dastardly. If you've forgotten their actual names, you wouldn't even know that the first two were major villains because they did their evil scheming under pseudonyms. There are many people, people who were decent or at least normal, who gave that all up to become vile.
Now what I'm interested in seeing is someone who's crafted an identity under which to perform acts of heroism.
There are all kinds of explanations as to why that face doesn't belong to Rainbow Dash. With Monkeywrench around, there's even a source of unrequited love on which to feed. In a fantasy/science setting like this, what with all the memory deletion and insertion floating around, there's even the possibility that a fake Dash might not even know that they are fake. It could happen through accident, intention, or, perhaps most tragically, it could happen completely naturally. The mantra, "Do better," but made useless by BJ's old mantra, "Don't Think About It." Push tragedy back, push mistakes away, destroy that person by forgetting them. Better to be the hero instead. Imagine what could tempt someone to take the suicidal risks involved in leaving behind their entire lives, acquiring an advanced suit of armour that could not have belonged to anyone but the real Rainbow, and gaining access to the secret Neighvarro tunnels.
But mostly I just want to see a Canterlot ghoul changeling... that would be funny.
- chapter 60 and 61: thoughts from the notes:
I'd like to take a moment to say that my absolute favourite thing might be the Perceptitron. I know it doesn't actually do all that much for the story (yet) but this here is the 'F' in FO: E. I love the Fallout aesthetic, the retro-future-retro whatever style of the place, the technology, and the people. And this little helmet, clearly unfinished and clearly steeped in 50's era Sci-Fi soup, IS Fallout.
(I do note, however, that it seems to be giving a straight up memory orb experience. Why? Wouldn't it just be a recording? Why does the user 'feel' the same things?)
I thought Chicanery was going to take the laser for Blackjack. I'd say that would kill Legerdemain... but honestly, it seems like he's already gone. We haven't seen anything more than token caretaking of his brother.
Actually I take that back. My favourite thing was Blackjack getting her life saved by civilians. More clearly than anything, this illustrates why we should care about this place, why it is worth saving. Just before coming here, we saw a town that was about to shoot someone because, "I dunno. They look funny." And here, people act like... people.
Here is where I was going to put all my guesses of who Mare-Do-Well was... but then 61 happened.
Odds are still good that it's Lighthooves, right?
3 days later I get the joke... "Spruce Mane." Urgh.
I've got even less for 61. I was too busy reading it. Good chapter.
When Blackjack said, "All I had was a movie producer," I got all excited. I thought she and Chicanery were going to have some daring escape with her derring-do and his knowledge of set pieces and rising action. Oh well.
Memory orb. Well done. Terribly tragic. I'll admit I got a little watery.
After seeing Pinkie's old friends I kind of drew Ryx's connection with the dust as well. But one thing... was the rock wearing a monocle?
Forget everything I ever said. This door. This door is the best thing. I love this door. It had better show up in the final boss battle.
Also, Boo is Coyotl.
- Replies for some posts:
- Technowolf wrote:Guys, I've got a crazy theory. A while ago Kipper said that Somber told him that it was Boo, not Blackjack who was the Maiden of the Stars. While this could be either (or both) of the joking, it got me thinking. One of the lines in the zebra prophecy was that the Maiden would "be of flesh and steel" (or something like that). What if the reason that Boo's so different than other blanks is that somepony (Dawn? Goldenblood or whoever is in Black Pony Mtn.?) put a cybernetic implant in Boo's brain, raising her intelligence or giving her some basic instincts or something like that? It would explain why she doesn't look any different than other blanks, even to Sanguine (who was more into biological augmentation than mechanical).
Okay it may not be the case. But I'm still suspicious about Boo, and her being a member of the Brood of Coyotl satisfies my need to see her connected to the bad guys and explains away some of her immunities.Moodyman90 wrote:
Unless the sleep spell is actually sleep gas, which I guess wouldn't affect Blackjack too much due to her cybernetic parts and at this point in time I"m willing to accept that Boo realized there was gas and held her breath till it was gone,O. Hinds wrote:
Also, I am very pleased to announce that swicked has officially joined the team!![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 8 Bouncy_pinkie_pie_by_mrbeattyjr-d5t8wau](https://2img.net/h/fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/030/5/f/bouncy_pinkie_pie_by_mrbeattyjr-d5t8wau.gif)
Erp. I missed this. Is it now or later? And who's the dad?WavemasterRyx wrote:
Pinkie's little off-hand "Oh. And congratulations." has me a bit nervous for what it could possibly mean.
To all saying it can't be BJ: I thought her implants were rendered inactive after they saved her jumbly bits. No?
While we know it’s the Hippocratic cloning tree… that doesn’t mean it’s NOT Fluttertree. Except that happened during the war, and blanks were being produced before then. Was the Hippocratic tree described in any unusual colours?RoboRed wrote:
-Was that...a clipping off of Fluttertree?
Oh, one more thing: before Luna got copied into Cognitum, Horse showed us that he was wiping all the previous memories with a big red button.
Um...
Is Blackjack going to defeat Cognitum by fighting her way to a big red button and pressing it?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:05 pm
I'm afraid that we already decided what to do; we spent about one and a half to two hours on Saturday struggling towards a consensus.Meleagridis wrote:Rainbow Dash:
…You seem to have a more optimistic view of human/equine/etc. nature than me.Meleagridis wrote:Just before coming here, we saw a town that was about to shoot someone because, "I dunno. They look funny." And here, people act like... people.
…Huh. Interesting idea… I wonder if Cognitum will try and pull a Wheatly Stalemate Resolution Button?Meleagridis wrote:Is Blackjack going to defeat Cognitum by fighting her way to a big red button and pressing it?
Aaaand now back to trying to find the coefficients of the Frobenius Method solution to ((x+2)^2)y''+(x+2)y'-y=0. Sigh…
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:51 pm
I figured. I just wanted to say it, I guess.O. Hinds wrote:I'm afraid that we already decided what to do; we spent about one and a half to two hours on Saturday struggling towards a consensus.Meleagridis wrote:Rainbow Dash:
And while our views of the virtues inherent in personhood are probably different, I'd like to know how you got that from the quote you have. Is it because that example is people going out of their way to help?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:59 pm
Meleagridis wrote:While we know it’s the Hippocratic cloning tree… that doesn’t mean it’s NOT Fluttertree. Except that happened during the war, and blanks were being produced before then. Was the Hippocratic tree described in any unusual colours?RoboRed wrote:
-Was that...a clipping off of Fluttertree?
PH ch 60 wrote:The doctor began to lecture her on how the contents of that beaker were supposed to be topically applied, but I wasn’t paying attention. A sample in the back had caught my attention. It was a strange golden tree, not very large at all. The leafless growth sat in the back corner, but I’d seen it before. “Where did you get this?” I asked.
“I did not get it. It is a biomagical construct of some kind, retrieved from the surface. I haven’t had much time to study it. The blue one is far more exciting!” I wasn’t really listening though as I trotted out and retrieved the vial of flux. Walking to the tree, I saw that it was really a cutting; a broken-off limb planted in some dirt to help it grow. When I floated the vial over to the tree and let one drop of the rainbow substance fall on its bark, the entire limb quivered. The yellow bark took on a brighter glow, and the tree seemed to sprout new roots to dig into the soil. The doctor approached. “Fascinating,” he breathed.
It's really speculative. All the two have in common are the yellow bark. The cutting is mentioned to be leafless, so it can't be confirmed if the leaves are the same color as well.FoE ch 42 wrote:“You.”
As if in a trance, Velvet Remedy took a step towards the weeping willow with its buttery yellow bark and draping pink leaves.
“It’s… you…”
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Oct 21, 2013 5:06 pm
Also, this is going to sound (and probably be) really stupid, but when did the whole Horse/Eclipse/Brain thing happen? I don't remember it from earlier, and it wasn't in 61 when I read it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:30 pm
Scienza wrote:Also, this is going to sound (and probably be) really stupid, but when did the whole Horse/Eclipse/Brain thing happen? I don't remember it from earlier, and it wasn't in 61 when I read it.
- Chapter Fifty Five:
- Damn fucking Goddess! I wanted to shove a string of balefire eggs up her huge mutant ass and light them all up! Worse, even in the memory orb I could still feel her. It was like body heat radiating behind me, a telepathic breath in my ear. She’d given me a time out, and I could still feel all the little twinges and tweaks going on within me.
What was she doing while I was stuck in here?
First things first. Where was ‘here’? At first glance it appeared to be some sort of indoor junkheap. Mounds of multifarious parts were piled high up the walls of the room I found myself in, and a mountainous heap of haphazardly connected electrical components sat in the middle. A dozen massive screens mounted on the central technological mishmash glowed with static. I knew the body I was in quite well. The slow burn with every breath. The painful scars that tugged with each step. The ache deep in his bones that made every step a punishment. Goldenblood stood in some kind of strange laboratory with a dozen other ponies. He floated a clipboard before him, idly drawing houses in the margins of some banal-looking form.
“You aren’t supposed to be doing that,” a dark pegasus muttered beside him. He glanced at her, then looked around at the assembled ponies. I noticed the unicorn zony Silver Stripe examining the hulking piece of machinery with rapt attention while Psalm stood quietly at the rear. The black unicorn wore the ominous riot armor, sans helmet, as she watched with hollow, haunted eyes.
He gave a small snort. “Oh please, Eclipse. The princess isn’t going to need this report.”
“You never know. She might,” the pegasus said with a mysterious little smirk.
Then the mustard-yellow Horse trotted out in front of us with an easy grin. “Fillies and gentlecolts of the O.I.A., I just know how much you love these little demonstrations. So, with no further ado, may I present the Crusader, one point two! A marked improvement over the original Stable-Tec design in terms of processing power and capabilities,” he said, turning towards Goldenblood and giving a small bow, “Thanks to your painstaking work of looting Equestria’s patent office, I’ve been able to extend to Equestria as a whole a maneframe superior to anything produced by Stable-Tec.”
“One would think he’d be a little more humble about copying Apple Bloom’s work,” Eclipse murmured.
“Horse is allergic to humility,” Goldenblood replied in his gurgling rasp. “I’ve seen the real thing. That device is twice the size and power draw of a real Crusader. I’ll be impressed if it has half the processing power of the original.”
“If only Stable-Tec was willing to sell them to us directly…” Eclipse muttered with a frown.
“Stable-Tec opposes the war. We should be glad they’re only wasting their resources building bunkers. They could be a much larger problem if they decided to really assert themselves,” Goldenblood muttered. “We’ll have to make do with Horse’s contraption.”
Horse grinned enthusiastically to the crowd as the robotic Sweetie Belle trotted out to join him. “Now I know what you’re thinking. Yes, that is a Sweetie Bot. But the other thing you’re thinking is ‘what is the big deal, Horse? What makes your Crusader better than the original?’” Horse chuckled and pulled out from the side of the central machine a strange mesh of gold wire studded with tiny talismans. “Well, I’ll show you. By now you’re all familiar with the mind transference system that Stable-Tec perfected. But really, what good does a permanent transfer do? With the new and improved Crusader 1.2, you can upload as many minds as you need to. Swap between them. Scan for information you need and simply use a part of it.” He jammed the golden spiderweb onto his head, and the dozens of tiny Talismans began to flicker and blink. On the massive terminal screens, symbols began to stream and dance, showing flashing lines of data scrolling by.
Suddenly, a massive digital head of Horse appeared on the screen. “Voila!” The audience gave appreciate ‘ooohs’, and the digital head split in a massive grin. “Of course, that’s not all!” he crowed, and then he looked down at the Sweetie Bot. Her eyes flashed and scrolled green lines of data. Then the robot adopted a grin exactly the same as the one upon the screen.
“Once connected to the Crusader 1.2,” the robot said, a faint synthetic warble the only thing marring an uncannily accurate emulation of the real Sweetie Belle's voice, “you will be able to remotely access and control any properly modified robot connected to its system.” The robot then adopted a sympathetic look right along with the immense face on the screen. “We’re already adapting this for smaller, dedicated systems for poor colts and fillies crippled or suffering from illnesses too severe to be treated with our current technology.”
I really wished I could feel my blood run cold as I imagined the bloody word ‘PLAY’ painted on hospital walls.
Horse removed the delicate golden netting, and the attendees moved closer. “And with a push of a button!” He pushed a large red button on the side of the machine. For a moment, the Horse on the screen looked alarmed, but then it was replaced by a field of static as the pony Horse proclaimed, “The upload is purged and can be replaced by any other mind you may wish. Come on up and try it.”
Silver Stripe was first to place the golden mesh on her head. Sweetie Bot trotted around and spoke to the other attendees in zebra. The the button was pushed, and the next tried it. And the next. And the next. With each push, the machine let out more ominous buzzes and crackles. Technicians emerged and began to check the machine’s panels and displays with nervous looks. As the demonstration went on, with each pony giving the computer and Sweetie Bot a trial trot, Horse kept giving glances over at the scarred stallion.
“What about you, Goldie? Care to try it out?” Horse taunted as he waved the net at Goldenblood.
“No thank you,” Goldenblood rasped, his eyes cool and contemptuous. “Your machine looks a little unstable. I don’t recall Apple Bloom’s Crusader buzzing like that.”
“It’s buzzing from sheer awesomeness,” Horse said, the veins in his temple throbbing as he grimaced in annoyance.
“Thank you. We shall consider it,” Goldenblood said dismissively as he turned his back on Horse. Suddenly there was a shout and and shove, and for a moment, something metal touched his mane. Then Psalm was there, darting in, and there came a muffled shout as Goldenblood was shoved to the floor.
“Are you okay?” Eclipse asked as she knelt beside him. He glanced up in time to see the glittering mesh descend down and land firmly atop her inky head.
Suddenly the machine let out a massive mechanical shriek, and the screens went wild. One exploded in a shower of sparks as the reek of burning electronics filled the air. The gold glow of Goldenblood’s magic yanked the mesh from her brow. In an instant, Psalm was on Horse, kicking his legs out from under him and following it up by magically pressing a pistol to his temple as she pinned him. The Crusader finally let out out an immense pop, and a cloud of rolling black smoke erupted from the top as the machine let out an anemic whine.
“Hey! It was a joke!” Horse said as he squirmed beneath Psalm, his brown eyes staring at the gun she pressed against his temple. Everypony suddenly seemed intent on either looking elsewhere or walking away.
Goldenblood ignored him as he helped Eclipse to her hooves. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. I’m just fine,” Eclipse said as she rubbed her temple. She turned her eyes down and stared at Horse with a calculating gaze that chilled me. Psalm looked to Eclipse, and the black pegasus gave Goldenblood a long glance, then a small shake of her head. Goldenblood let out a long, low sigh, then locked eyes with Horse. I felt his brows furrow and his teeth grind.
“Do not play jokes on government officials,” Goldenblood said firmly, gesturing with his hoof for Psalm to let him up. Horse slowly rose as Psalm backed off, the humiliated stallion glaring at Goldenblood with unabashed loathing. “Now. You seem to have a computer to fix. Do so, and maybe then we’ll talk.” He said as he turned on his hooves and walked out of the lab with Eclipse and Psalm. I heard him shout about fixing his Sweetie Bot first. Wonderful priorities there, given that it had only suffered a small scratch to its flank...
Once they were out in the hall, Goldenblood muttered, “He was probably hoping to have a peek in my mind.” He said darkly as he walked down with the other O.I.A. officials avoiding his gaze. He looked at Eclipse, “Are you sure you’re okay? I can have him removed in fifteen seconds and Robronco taken over in half an hour.”
Eclipse fluttered her wings and tossed her head. “I’m fine. Just a little disoriented. If he wasn’t already involved tangentially, I would. We’ll just use it as a reason for him to behave. I’m more interested in his discovery. See what we can commandeer and sneak out from him. I doubt his security is as tight as Apple Bloom’s.”
“Espionage on her own subjects. What would Her Majesty think?” Goldenblood said in an almost teasing voice.
“Princess Luna knows nothing about it whatsoever. Princess Luna sits on her throne and makes impressive speeches while the Ministries do all their acts behind her back. Poor Princess Luna,” Eclipse giggled as the world began to blur away.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:50 pm
My... that's a rather huge detail that I missed.Icy Shake wrote:Scienza wrote:Also, this is going to sound (and probably be) really stupid, but when did the whole Horse/Eclipse/Brain thing happen? I don't remember it from earlier, and it wasn't in 61 when I read it.
- Chapter Fifty Five:
What was she doing while I was stuck in here?
First things first. Where was ‘here’? At first glance it appeared to be some sort of indoor junkheap. Mounds of multifarious parts were piled high up the walls of the room I found myself in, and a mountainous heap of haphazardly connected electrical components sat in the middle. A dozen massive screens mounted on the central technological mishmash glowed with static. I knew the body I was in quite well. The slow burn with every breath. The painful scars that tugged with each step. The ache deep in his bones that made every step a punishment. Goldenblood stood in some kind of strange laboratory with a dozen other ponies. He floated a clipboard before him, idly drawing houses in the margins of some banal-looking form.
“You aren’t supposed to be doing that,” a dark pegasus muttered beside him. He glanced at her, then looked around at the assembled ponies. I noticed the unicorn zony Silver Stripe examining the hulking piece of machinery with rapt attention while Psalm stood quietly at the rear. The black unicorn wore the ominous riot armor, sans helmet, as she watched with hollow, haunted eyes.
He gave a small snort. “Oh please, Eclipse. The princess isn’t going to need this report.”
“You never know. She might,” the pegasus said with a mysterious little smirk.
Then the mustard-yellow Horse trotted out in front of us with an easy grin. “Fillies and gentlecolts of the O.I.A., I just know how much you love these little demonstrations. So, with no further ado, may I present the Crusader, one point two! A marked improvement over the original Stable-Tec design in terms of processing power and capabilities,” he said, turning towards Goldenblood and giving a small bow, “Thanks to your painstaking work of looting Equestria’s patent office, I’ve been able to extend to Equestria as a whole a maneframe superior to anything produced by Stable-Tec.”
“One would think he’d be a little more humble about copying Apple Bloom’s work,” Eclipse murmured.
“Horse is allergic to humility,” Goldenblood replied in his gurgling rasp. “I’ve seen the real thing. That device is twice the size and power draw of a real Crusader. I’ll be impressed if it has half the processing power of the original.”
“If only Stable-Tec was willing to sell them to us directly…” Eclipse muttered with a frown.
“Stable-Tec opposes the war. We should be glad they’re only wasting their resources building bunkers. They could be a much larger problem if they decided to really assert themselves,” Goldenblood muttered. “We’ll have to make do with Horse’s contraption.”
Horse grinned enthusiastically to the crowd as the robotic Sweetie Belle trotted out to join him. “Now I know what you’re thinking. Yes, that is a Sweetie Bot. But the other thing you’re thinking is ‘what is the big deal, Horse? What makes your Crusader better than the original?’” Horse chuckled and pulled out from the side of the central machine a strange mesh of gold wire studded with tiny talismans. “Well, I’ll show you. By now you’re all familiar with the mind transference system that Stable-Tec perfected. But really, what good does a permanent transfer do? With the new and improved Crusader 1.2, you can upload as many minds as you need to. Swap between them. Scan for information you need and simply use a part of it.” He jammed the golden spiderweb onto his head, and the dozens of tiny Talismans began to flicker and blink. On the massive terminal screens, symbols began to stream and dance, showing flashing lines of data scrolling by.
Suddenly, a massive digital head of Horse appeared on the screen. “Voila!” The audience gave appreciate ‘ooohs’, and the digital head split in a massive grin. “Of course, that’s not all!” he crowed, and then he looked down at the Sweetie Bot. Her eyes flashed and scrolled green lines of data. Then the robot adopted a grin exactly the same as the one upon the screen.
“Once connected to the Crusader 1.2,” the robot said, a faint synthetic warble the only thing marring an uncannily accurate emulation of the real Sweetie Belle's voice, “you will be able to remotely access and control any properly modified robot connected to its system.” The robot then adopted a sympathetic look right along with the immense face on the screen. “We’re already adapting this for smaller, dedicated systems for poor colts and fillies crippled or suffering from illnesses too severe to be treated with our current technology.”
I really wished I could feel my blood run cold as I imagined the bloody word ‘PLAY’ painted on hospital walls.
Horse removed the delicate golden netting, and the attendees moved closer. “And with a push of a button!” He pushed a large red button on the side of the machine. For a moment, the Horse on the screen looked alarmed, but then it was replaced by a field of static as the pony Horse proclaimed, “The upload is purged and can be replaced by any other mind you may wish. Come on up and try it.”
Silver Stripe was first to place the golden mesh on her head. Sweetie Bot trotted around and spoke to the other attendees in zebra. The the button was pushed, and the next tried it. And the next. And the next. With each push, the machine let out more ominous buzzes and crackles. Technicians emerged and began to check the machine’s panels and displays with nervous looks. As the demonstration went on, with each pony giving the computer and Sweetie Bot a trial trot, Horse kept giving glances over at the scarred stallion.
“What about you, Goldie? Care to try it out?” Horse taunted as he waved the net at Goldenblood.
“No thank you,” Goldenblood rasped, his eyes cool and contemptuous. “Your machine looks a little unstable. I don’t recall Apple Bloom’s Crusader buzzing like that.”
“It’s buzzing from sheer awesomeness,” Horse said, the veins in his temple throbbing as he grimaced in annoyance.
“Thank you. We shall consider it,” Goldenblood said dismissively as he turned his back on Horse. Suddenly there was a shout and and shove, and for a moment, something metal touched his mane. Then Psalm was there, darting in, and there came a muffled shout as Goldenblood was shoved to the floor.
“Are you okay?” Eclipse asked as she knelt beside him. He glanced up in time to see the glittering mesh descend down and land firmly atop her inky head.
Suddenly the machine let out a massive mechanical shriek, and the screens went wild. One exploded in a shower of sparks as the reek of burning electronics filled the air. The gold glow of Goldenblood’s magic yanked the mesh from her brow. In an instant, Psalm was on Horse, kicking his legs out from under him and following it up by magically pressing a pistol to his temple as she pinned him. The Crusader finally let out out an immense pop, and a cloud of rolling black smoke erupted from the top as the machine let out an anemic whine.
“Hey! It was a joke!” Horse said as he squirmed beneath Psalm, his brown eyes staring at the gun she pressed against his temple. Everypony suddenly seemed intent on either looking elsewhere or walking away.
Goldenblood ignored him as he helped Eclipse to her hooves. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. I’m just fine,” Eclipse said as she rubbed her temple. She turned her eyes down and stared at Horse with a calculating gaze that chilled me. Psalm looked to Eclipse, and the black pegasus gave Goldenblood a long glance, then a small shake of her head. Goldenblood let out a long, low sigh, then locked eyes with Horse. I felt his brows furrow and his teeth grind.
“Do not play jokes on government officials,” Goldenblood said firmly, gesturing with his hoof for Psalm to let him up. Horse slowly rose as Psalm backed off, the humiliated stallion glaring at Goldenblood with unabashed loathing. “Now. You seem to have a computer to fix. Do so, and maybe then we’ll talk.” He said as he turned on his hooves and walked out of the lab with Eclipse and Psalm. I heard him shout about fixing his Sweetie Bot first. Wonderful priorities there, given that it had only suffered a small scratch to its flank...
Once they were out in the hall, Goldenblood muttered, “He was probably hoping to have a peek in my mind.” He said darkly as he walked down with the other O.I.A. officials avoiding his gaze. He looked at Eclipse, “Are you sure you’re okay? I can have him removed in fifteen seconds and Robronco taken over in half an hour.”
Eclipse fluttered her wings and tossed her head. “I’m fine. Just a little disoriented. If he wasn’t already involved tangentially, I would. We’ll just use it as a reason for him to behave. I’m more interested in his discovery. See what we can commandeer and sneak out from him. I doubt his security is as tight as Apple Bloom’s.”
“Espionage on her own subjects. What would Her Majesty think?” Goldenblood said in an almost teasing voice.
“Princess Luna knows nothing about it whatsoever. Princess Luna sits on her throne and makes impressive speeches while the Ministries do all their acts behind her back. Poor Princess Luna,” Eclipse giggled as the world began to blur away.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:13 pm
Ah, I thought you were saying that helping a stranger was more natural than shooting them because they look different, instead of it being something that a society must develop and impose to have common (outliers will, of course, exist in both cases in both directions).Meleagridis wrote:And while our views of the virtues inherent in personhood are probably different, I'd like to know how you got that from the quote you have. Is it because that example is people going out of their way to help?
Though this is a special case, given that the pegasi who saved Blackjack thought that she was from the Tower (and ponies seem different from humans here anyway, though it's hard to tell how much of that is biological and how much is Celestia's long-term social engineering).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Exodus Hero Tue Oct 22, 2013 1:28 am
Figure it out yet?O. Hinds wrote:
Aaaand now back to trying to find the coefficients of the Frobenius Method solution to ((x+2)^2)y''+(x+2)y'-y=0. Sigh…
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:54 am
O. Hinds wrote:I'm afraid that we already decided what to do; we spent about one and a half to two hours on Saturday struggling towards a consensus.Meleagridis wrote:Rainbow Dash:
I think it's much simpler: When you're living in a city, you're constantly surrounded by strangers. For whatever reasons, Thunderhead is a fairly friendly city. We know there are communities in the Enclave that are in much worse condition. (Of course, those places wouldn't be doing quite so badly if there wasn't a huge military ready to crush them at the first sign of disobedience...) Besides that, anytime a pegasus gets their wings badly injured or is knocked unconscious while falling... another pegasus has to save them. I'd think that basic flying lessons includes learning how to safely catch falling ponies. (Or falling gryphons. Maybe not falling dragons, though.) Now if it was zebra, some Thunderhead ponies might be too shocked to act, while others might not even really notice until after they make the catch. The real question here, though, is what would happen if a minotaur started falling through Thunderhead.O. Hinds wrote:Ah, I thought you were saying that helping a stranger was more natural than shooting them because they look different, instead of it being something that a society must develop and impose to have common (outliers will, of course, exist in both cases in both directions).
Though this is a special case, given that the pegasi who saved Blackjack thought that she was from the Tower (and ponies seem different from humans here anyway, though it's hard to tell how much of that is biological and how much is Celestia's long-term social engineering).
(Or a sperm whale and a bowl of petunias.)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Oct 22, 2013 11:43 am
No, unfortunately. I had so much success, in fact, that I'm planning to just restart the problem from the beginning the next time I work on it (which will be when I finish here). At least the class is later today so that, if I'm still stuck, I'll be able to ask.Exodus Hero wrote:Figure it out yet?O. Hinds wrote:
Aaaand now back to trying to find the coefficients of the Frobenius Method solution to ((x+2)^2)y''+(x+2)y'-y=0. Sigh…
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Tue Oct 22, 2013 6:28 pm
They'd probably be mistaken for an accident from the Tower or the University, then delivered back there. "Minotaurs Can't Fly: Escape from Thunderhead"Derpmind wrote:The real question here, though, is what would happen if a minotaur started falling through Thunderhead.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by thatguyvex Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:33 am
Well, its only been like a month since I last checked in here, can't be that many new... posts...
...
Okay, so skimming over all that. New chapter. Cool. Read it a week late, time for commentary. We'll just assume that anything I have to say is still new and/or relevant (it isn't).
...
Okay, so skimming over all that. New chapter. Cool. Read it a week late, time for commentary. We'll just assume that anything I have to say is still new and/or relevant (it isn't).
- Chapter 61 Thoughts:
- Alright, so we start off with an absolutely wicked awesome fight between Blackjack and Dawn. Granted, its a little less impactful given this is Round 2 and all, so Dawn doesn't have much in the way of new tricks to pull off, but the fight itself is pretty well paced and dynamic. Kind of find BJ's "Wasteland Mode Kill" went away quick, but that's a good thing in my opinion; I liked non-kill oriented Blackjack.
Blackjack, you really need to get EMP shielding. Stat. Also. Get spark grenades. You don't want to kill ponies in power armor, spark grenades are the way to go.
The memory orb with Pinkie Pie was surreal as hell. Also makes absolute sense. Pinkie Pie is as good an explaination for anything in the present time that doesn't make sense. Don't know why a memory orb belongs somewhere? Pinkie Pie. Not sure why a convience store happens to have a box of anit-machine rifle ammo in the soda aisle? Pinkie Pie. Waking up with a burning sensation on your privates? Probably the prostitute you slept with last night, but also... Pinkie Pie!
Also, either Glory or Blackjack is probably pregnant. Going to guess Glory, given she was the one in heat when P-21 slept with them.
Alright... Blackjack, we need to talk.
You see, you got this no-kill policy. And I dig that. I respect it. Its one of the reasons I like you. Its a good policy.
It works way... way... WAY better when you don't shoot people in the head though.
You see Blackjack, I don't know if you know this, but the head; kind of a vital area. It doesn't respond well to violence. At all.
So, when you shot that Enclave pony repeatedly in the head with your telekinetic bullet, which I might add at this juncture has the overall striking power of a sniper rifle... what the fuck were you expecting the result to be!?
*sigh* I understand that you're not the smartest pony ever, but as you yourself have pointed out this chapter, you're not a moron. You have some common sense. I also understand that, heat of battle, not always easy to think things through clearly...
...That said, you have S.A.T.S to use any time you need to take a second to think. More than that, when you want to disable an opponent, you have far better options than striking the head. Weapons, for instance. Energy weapons are fragile. One TK bullet, and pop, no gatling laser. Then you have this niffty starmetal sword that goes through power armor easily. Useful for, oh, say, stabbing a pony in the legs. Legs that, I'll note, are not as vital as the head.
So, Blackjack, for future reference. Shooting heads = bad. Shooting weapons and limbs = good.
Okay? Good. Moving on.
Hm, Mare Do Well is Rainbow Dash.
How did I not see this coming? I'm not at all bothered by this fact, however. I'm going to go out on a limb and call it a pleasant surprise. Far too many writers treat Rainbow Dash's fate as a sacred thing, to not be touched. I'd rather you have her in here than not. Could it have used more hints and built up over the course of the story? Sure. Does it ruin the current arc? Not at all. Not to me at least.
Alright, so Blackjack gets to make a speech, things don't really go smooth. Glory is back to normal. About. Damn. Time. Not that she wasn't cool as Rainbow Dash, but she looks better this way.
Oh, and Afterburner, I'd suggest running. Or surrendering. Running might be better. Mobs don't do pretty things.
So, overall, good chapter. Excellent pacing, some good action, humor (Star Wars references can be forgiven because it is the best Star Wars reference). I'll look forward to seeing how this turns out.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by 222222 Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:33 pm
Hey guys whats up, it's been a looooong time since I was on here, like since February. Also it's been a loooooong time since I've read any project horizons, like since February. So what's the haps? I saw someone say a new chapter had come recently so it looks like Somber's still writing, is that true? I thought for sure it'd be done by now. Is everyone alive and well? I'm going to try to start catching up with the chapters but it'll be slow ha ha those chapters are long. Hopefully I can catch up in time for the finale hmm?
Edit:
Just checked, I'm on chapter 53 according to my notes, I'm not sure what chapter is up now, but I'm sure I have some reading to do.
Edit:
Just checked, I'm on chapter 53 according to my notes, I'm not sure what chapter is up now, but I'm sure I have some reading to do.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Aonee Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:13 pm
Chapter 61 is the newest one right now.
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