[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I dunno. That's what I'm trying to figure out; from what they said, starmetal is immune to magic, so... I don't know how that works.Derpmind wrote:I included the whole scene because it's epic, but basically we see Luna shaping starmetal with her magic. Right afterward we see Luna being shaped by magic. I think that enervation might be starmetal forcing the magic of life right out of existence, but if someone resonates with the EoS' tune they not only can reshape starmetal, they themselves are reshaped by its power.
Fridays tend to be really busy for a lot of people.Derpmind wrote:I'm a little surprised that the entire day noone said anything about my last post. I guess that means I'm completely right and all speculation of PH is over. Go me!
FeatherDust- Hydra
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Oh shit. That's awesome. I just hope people keep their mouths shut about it though, cause that's what happened to fighting is magic. People would not shut their fucking mouths about it and it got so popular to the point it was attracting main media news sources.Derpmind wrote:Somber made an update on his blog.
Also, I'm a little surprised that the entire day noone said anything about my last post. I guess that means I'm completely right and all speculation of PH is over. Go me!
Edit: The Fallout: Equestria game moved to Unity, and a bunch of other stuff too.
cb5- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Nah the problem with fighting is magic is that if anything mane6 anti-advertised it and told people they didn't want the attention, but bronies went, "What mane6 is getting in trademark trouble due to it's popularity?! I know what will solve it! Make it even more popular!"swicked wrote:You make it sound like it was their fault for being interesting.cb5 wrote:Oh shit. That's awesome. I just hope people keep their mouths shut about it though, cause that's what happened to fighting is magic. People would not shut their fucking mouths about it and it got so popular to the point it was attracting main media news sources.Derpmind wrote:Somber made an update on his blog.
Also, I'm a little surprised that the entire day noone said anything about my last post. I guess that means I'm completely right and all speculation of PH is over. Go me!
Edit: The Fallout: Equestria game moved to Unity, and a bunch of other stuff too.
If anything, the game makers shouldn't have kept a bit more quiet about their work, not setting up places to play the game at conventions, until they could release the project when it was nearly or entirely complete.
Once it was out in the world, nothing could really of been done about it.
That or they could have been making the game in such a way that they could release it in stages as each character was completed. Sure, they probably would have gotten shut down much quicker that way, likely before they'd gotten out more than three or four of the main six, but it'd be more than exists now.
cb5- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
They might have been fine until they decided to show it off at EVO. It's the biggest fighting game tournament in the world did they honestly think Hasbro's lawyers wouldn't find out about it then? It would have been fine in internet obscurity, but then they decided to show it off to the world before it was even ready.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Immune to magic except that which resonates at the correct frequency. If you don't mind making youself more like the EoS, you can affect it.FeatherDust wrote:I dunno. That's what I'm trying to figure out; from what they said, starmetal is immune to magic, so... I don't know how that works.Derpmind wrote:I included the whole scene because it's epic, but basically we see Luna shaping starmetal with her magic. Right afterward we see Luna being shaped by magic. I think that enervation might be starmetal forcing the magic of life right out of existence, but if someone resonates with the EoS' tune they not only can reshape starmetal, they themselves are reshaped by its power.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Is ol' Somberino still having issues posting here or does he not wanna post for whatever reason (or none of the above)?
And would the "god mode" for a FoE fighting game just be "change character to Littlepip?"
And would the "god mode" for a FoE fighting game just be "change character to Littlepip?"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
question to yall.. random.. what are ur virtues?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Not 'except'. Discord's magic resonates across a wide band of frequencies, from what Goldie said in chapter 39. He would have to focus it down to a single, pure frequency to affect starmetal, and as you say, he won't do that.swicked wrote:Reminds me of a discussion we had on here a while back.
Starmetal resonates on a single magical frequency.
Discord blood resonates on all frequencies except starmetal's (I remember him saying he "knows better than to sing that tune" or some such).
That's an excellent question. My hypothesis is that the magic of luminaries like the EoSswicked wrote:So... what does moonstone do? Is it a different frequency, doing the same thing the EoS does, but more selectively somehow? Is it the same frequency, but a destructive harmonic? Does forcing the EoS to be silent hurt it, since songs sustain stars? What?
- Is terribly sciencey:
- operates on a larger number of dimensions than mortal magic. Starmetal can destroy, rather than negate, incoming magic because it has a second (or third, fourth, whatever) dimension of oscillation into which it can absorb the incoming energy. It's not unlike the difference between a magnetic field and a photon (a coupled pair of oscillating magnetic and electric fields).
Yes I know magnetic fields and photons don't really interact at all shut up.
Oh, shit.
Wild speculation mode on!
"With [her] left hoof [she] will bring down the fires of the sun, and with [her] right [she] will call down the moon." We've been focused on moonstone as the power source to destroy the Eater, but the sun received a similar luminary spirit. What if Celly One, or something like it, can draw on the sun's magic to help out as well?
Stay with me here. First item: For some reason, moonstone beats starmetal. When they react, each unit of moonstone disintegrates a thousand units of starmetal. Furthermore, if they're not mixed in the "ideal" ratio, unreacted starmetal starts to melt away without any further energetic release. In other words, a unit of moonstone always takes some amount of starmetal with it, even if they don't directly react and annihilate, and I'm betting that amount would turn out to be a thousand times the moonstone's mass.
Second item: In the Star Dream, BJ saw the moon absorb two distinct types of soul. The Eater's initial crash killed off the dinosaurs; the moon absorbed a great deal of those souls. Later, when the Starkatteri city was destroyed, the moon received a luminary soul as well.
Conclusion: Perhaps the cooperation between mortal and luminary souls is the reason that moonstone can overwhelm a thousand times its own mass in starmetal. We know that such cooperation is possible, because mortal souls resonating with the Eater's hum nearly allowed it to rise in the ancient past, and their screams continue to resonate with it in the modern day. So while a mortal soul can't directly compete with a luminary, they can harmonize with it to reinforce its frequency and empower the luminary. (The EoS, by its nature, refuses to be harmonized with -- you can only sing unison with it.)
Hypothesis: The sun lacks those mortal souls. Buuuuut there's an awful lot of mortal souls just drifting around the EoS, aren't there? Maybe a megaspell like Celly One that calls down the power of the sun can give all those mortal souls trapped by the Eater a luminary champion to empower. The dinosaur souls absorbed by the moon were described as 'fragile' with 'infant songs'. How much starmetal can it destroy when empowered by mature intelligences with full command of their own magic? What's the reactant ratio when the sun, the moon, ancient animals and modern mortals all join together in harmony against the Eater of Souls?
Now get the hell out of our galaxy!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I don't know, I'm afraid.Caoimhe wrote:Is ol' Somberino still having issues posting here or does he not wanna post for whatever reason (or none of the above)?
Well, brushing has been going well, but unfortunately Somber got tired and Bronode is feeling a bit ill; we're planning to finish tomorrow. Sorry about the delay.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Out of the current topic, a thought occured to me (and I'm sorry if it was already brought up or if it actually already happened in the story and I don't remember it) :
If it hadn't already been used in a really popular movie (and thus rendering its use quite cheesy to the audience if used in a serious context), that's the kind of quote I could see being thrown in the story, what with Blackjack's desperate stubbornness in the face of adversity and all that.Why do we fall ?
To better pick ourselves up.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Chapter 140_6!
Also, whatever you lot think we talk about during brushing, I wouldn't be too surprised if you were wrong. :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
yay!Somber wrote:And now it works... yay!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Still reading through the chapter, around the half way point now.
Edit: If I throw enough money at the screen will Wastelander! become a real show? I want it so badly now!
Double Edit: Just finished the chapter. Gotta say, hell of a way to end a chapter. Got my heart pounding there at the end cause I saw the chapter was almost over and I didn't know what to expect.
- Personal thoughts and opinons, but still spoilers.:
- Gotta say... things ain't looking too good for Twister and Boomer. They're talking too much and bonding with the others too much for either of them to live much longer. If not this chapter than in one that will follow. Be more surprising if they're not killed.
Edit: If I throw enough money at the screen will Wastelander! become a real show? I want it so badly now!
Double Edit: Just finished the chapter. Gotta say, hell of a way to end a chapter. Got my heart pounding there at the end cause I saw the chapter was almost over and I didn't know what to expect.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
You rat bastards. This was posted at almost exactly the right time to let me read it and only be somewhat destroyed for work tomorrow, so I can't justify leaving it until tomorrow. I think you should know by now that your role is to release chapters in accordance with my schedule. Oh well, at least you got me as I'm coming down from some drink over the course of the day, so that helps.
Edit: Oh, and since I haven't posted since this was:
Also, echo on your entire response to Hinds and the edit; I feel the same way entirely. And there's nothing wrong with there being little mistakes here and there: that's why there are content editors and copy editors and line editors, and with a work of this size, put out on the schedule it's released, things are bound to slip through even a strong process (this also applies to KKat).
Oh, and that reminded me:
- Running Thoughts:
- The busiest was red, which she said was the business and entertainment sector.
I see what you did there.
First Lacunae and now Rampage…
Seriously? I mean, yes, you might not see her for a bit, but this probably wouldn't even cause her to revert to a foal. And if it did, that would only last a few days. Of course, your days tend to last tens of thousands of words, so there is that.
“Woah, how do you and Glory get your sexings on? Don’t these chafe?”
“A bit, but so long as I’m on top, it’s not too bad,” Glory replied as I worked to re-establish my ability to speak.
This works (Glory's part is fine, if perhaps a little easy; the clinical nature of her answer makes it so) but it feels like BJ was responding to the sexual remark, where on a moment of thought it's clear her inability to speak is due to Rampage being okay, when she didn't expect her to be. I blame this reaction on recently reading things about how similar the characters of core FoE and PH are, and imputing Littlepip's reaction to this situation on Blackjack.
“Rampage! I’ll kill you!” I yelled as I tried to punch her.
“Promises, promises,”
This just works so well.
Thank goodness there were toilets on the ground floor.
Would "ground" floor toilets really be needed? I guess it would be a kindness to any pegasi flying underneath, though.
Her siblings, Lambent and Lucent.
I almost hope that Lucent's cutie mark is a red coffee ring.
Boo seemed somewhat disappointed with the bland sugar cookies provided.
Good job, Boo; way not to be satisfied with the lowest common denominator. (Seriously, I can't fathom the point of sugar cookies unless to provide something at least minimally unobjectionable for anyone.)
“Congratulations,” Moonshadow retorted, full of scorn, “you discovered fornication.”
Okay, that's a great line, and characterizes Moonshadow with stellar rapidity.
“Maybe next you might discover familial obligation.”
This helps in that regard, too.
I gave her a hug and a nuzzle.
I feel like there should be a reaction from this: I'm not sure Moondancer would just accept such close affection from the mare who messed her up so badly without so much as a flich BJ would notice.
I stared at nothing while Glory slept like a log beside me.
Ah, reminds me of how my sister used to say "sleep like a stump on a log" instead of "like a bump on a log."
The uniform black was broken by lines of purple. It had a black cape and a wide-brimmed hat, of all things!
Mare-do-Well is in this? Whaaaaa . . . ‽
And this MDW can teleport and has wings . . . interesting. I guess the wings could be mechanical but more likely the armor has built-in teleportation capability, or there is armor to cover the wings, even if the user doesn't have them. Can't say which, just yet, but I'm leaning toward the latter.
Every now and then when there’s a fight with some slavers or raiders and your ass is toast… bam! She appears.
So, MDW is the Mysterious Stranger? I'm okay with this.
A lightning-powered city! Made of clouds. And rainbows!
That's a seriously cool concept, even accounting for the clouds being preexisting canon.
Even Twister and Boomer seemed surprised by all the ponies living inside this wonderful bubble.
Key observation, and reeinforces the established specialness of Thunderhead.
Finally, I begged Rampage to give us an hour in a concert hall, where I listened to actual ponies playing music while she alternated between grumbling under her breath and giving a professional critique.
First, good on bringing it back around to music. Though have we seen the professional musician before?
I’d spent nearly an hour casting and recasting and tweaking Grace’s alteration spell.
Okay, the cloud waking spell may have been basic, but tweaking a highly specialized spell probably isn't. Her magic seems to be progressing well.
The worst, though, want command. And they get it, too, not because they know what they’re doing but because they know the right ponies. And once they have command, they want to use it. They’ll take a Raptor out and blast a griffin nest because they can.
Ah, and here we have a more in-depth/direct explanation of the questionable leadership of the Enclave military.
A somber gray stallion held paper in his fetlocks as he stared soberly into the camera.
Oddly, the repetition works here as a mild bit of humor.
“LittlePip didn’t know,” I said immediately, getting some more looks. Hopefully the patrons would think ventriloquism was a unicorn trait. “If she had, I know she would’ve done something different.” Actually, I didn’t know. Maybe LittlePip would have found another way. But she’d killed hundreds, maybe thousands, of hellhounds with that bomb… maybe she would have blown it anyway.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. And if she would have acted differently, I almost think it would reflect worse on her, considering that it would mark her as a racist who would at least accept genocide in pursuit of her agenda, while balking at killing non-alicorn ponies.
“Because of all of us you’re the only pony not a fugitive, from an enemy faction, or from the surface,” I replied as softly and seriously as I could manage. “And if anypony asks, you can blame it all on Dusk.”
Good plan, good logic, and then a nice, dick move. But still kind of logical.
A cocky Calamity flew overhead while P-21, far more sulkily handsome than ever, blasted a whole battalion of feral ghouls with a missile launcher, then coolly blew his bangs out of his face.
Well, it was his job to be sexy (and he knew it). But I don't think he's been all about flaunting it since he left 99, of course. Not that they would know that; they just got a little lucky.
A vapid Homage and gray-coated Glory hung in the background.
Is that a jab at Homage? I might just be reading in something not intended. Not that she was presented as a 10kw bulb originally, but still.
Most incomprehensible of all was a strange pink filly with a toy gun that somehow brought down beams of light from the skies.
This . . . makes some weird canon things happen. I'll just hope that that one's (seriously, horrendously) terrible Nightmare isn't part of PH.
The animation ended with the bold title of ‘Wastelander!’ and that it was coming next month to the ‘Fantasy Channel’.
“They made me into a cartoon,” I muttered in a daze. “They… who… how… buh…” I sat down hard. I had nothing… My life had officially become entertainment.
Actually one of the better fourth-wall gags I've seen.
And then everything went mad.
Yet another reasonable one-sentence description of this story.
“What? They’re clouds,” she said scornfully, then trotted out again.
Couldn't find a clip super fast, but . . .
Marge: Oh no! It's eating us!
Homer: Not a chance!
Bart: Wow, dad, how did you do that?
Homer: It's a flower...
Try not to blow up my home by accident. Please,
Ah, the irony of saying that.
I could have killed one, made a hole, and evaded… but if I was going to start down that road, I doubted I’d kill just one.
I'm surprized she even thought that; there's no indication that they're trying to kill her yet. I almost suggest adding that, because damn, that's just not who she's supposed to be at all.
They’d gotten beam guns, too… that wasn’t good. They might not kill me with those, but it was way too crowded to risk bystandards.
With enough, I bet she could go down to beam guns. But it would take a lot, unless they were heavier duty than these probably are.
Then the crowd erupted in cheers, and a white stallion with a silver mane and a spectrum burst for a cutie mark pushed his way forward. His eyes were hidden by opaque black glasses. “That was magnificent! Exactly how BJ would do it, Babe.”
I'm confused and flabbergasted (not too much, because come on, Project Horizons, but still). This looks to be awesome.
“But you weren’t supposed to start the publicity stunts until next week!”
Possible fakeout from an unexpected ally?
I’m planning to release a whole Life of the Lightbringer in a year or two.
The first decade or two will be glossed over or altered as hell, I'm sure.
Say you pick up some junk… well, the PipBuck might not know what it is, so it asks another terminal. And if that one doesn’t know, then it’ll ask another and another. And in almost an instant, it’ll identify that thing.
Well, that's one mystery off the list, one that probably hasn't shown up in nearly a million words, but still a closed plot thread.
Then it might average out trading prices to tell you, in general, how much it’s worth!
Make that two.
But all my films are ‘fiction’, and so long as I show lots of brown and horrible raider ponies on the surface, the Enclave doesn’t mind.
Interesting color choice.
I wanted to fly, and I wasn’t even a pegasus.
More pertinently, BJ is deathly afraid of heights and flying. Also, this is a great device to let us see what Glory's doing, where normally that'd be impossible.
They walked into a reception area where a green stallion with large wire-framed glasses greeted them with an eager smile.
That's three ponies with glasses this chapter (even if the second one was sunglasses). I guess the Enclave/Thunderhead do some things right.
Oh, and I forgot to say, on Morningstar, I'm not sure I should trust anyone with the same name/epithet as the devil in a story that's a deconstruction of messiah figures.
“It’s something the Tower picked up a few weeks ago, being transmitted from space.”
Possibly Celestia 1? Or Project Horizons? Maybe Puppy's space laser?
This was a machine message seeking something called EC-1101.
PH it is, maybe.
I’d heard it before. I heard it all the time down in the tunnels. The scream of Enervation. That it was a signal too was even more unnerving.
Seriously. What are the odds? Unless one of the cyber-characters really is working for the EOS, in which case this could work.
“Right. I always seem to forget about that signal. It’s coming from Black Pony Mountain.” She announced it, and immediately I felt a strange indifference fall over me. It wasn’t important. That was just a boring chunk of black rock. Nothing special about it at all. And clearly everypony agreed.
Confirmation for BPM having a don't think about it spell.
“Oh, it’s just starting to get interesting,” a stallion said, a stallion who shouldn’t be here. He smiled his kind, polite smile. The same smile he’d worn when he’d ordered Glory’s cutie mark burned off.
Lighthooves.
Yeah, kind of saw this coming. It's been a while since an orb/dream ended badly, I think.
Four magical bullets to the head and my job here would be made so much simpler. All I had to do was kill an unarmed pony. I tried to dig deep down, find my inner Rampage, and take his head off.
Continuing the long-running theme. Also highlights the weirdness that she considered killing security ponies earlier, who at the time weren't even deadly threats.
A fancy griffin term for ‘sleight of hand’ or claw, as the case may be.
Griffin? I'd think it'd be Fancee. Though I guess there are now French griffins.
The missiles will be a deterrent, not a weapon. They’ll make the Enclave back off, and time will make certain that they fail.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a dumbass. HELLO SHITBRAINS, YOU LIVE IN THE AFTERMATH OF A NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE.
And I couldn’t cast a spell to save my life...
But I could end one.
With a thought, a basic counterspell targeting myself, I scattered the magic that allowed me to walk on clouds and gravity took me.
Interesting that counterspells, at least of your own magic, are easier/faster than new spells. Also, damn clever move, the kind we saw a ton of pre-cyberization.
“Stop swinging your hooves! Go limp!”
Well, she does know how to do that . . .
“No problem. It’s what ponies do, right?” she replied, with such open honesty that I couldn’t help myself. I hugged her. This was how the world was supposed to be... and it was nice to see it as normal for a change.
Yes, yes it is, and it's a nice way of working in the object lesson that there are more decent ponies in the Enclave than just the Dashites.
I still had my sword, the cloak, Vigilance, and assault carbine in my saddle bags, but didn’t know where Duty and Sacrifice had fallen to.
Not D&S! I love those guys!
I was not beaten by my coltfriend. I’m gay, anyway. All right?
Ummm . . . why lie? She's very, very bi. I mean, I guess it makes things easier, but why not just say she doesn't have a boyfriend? And a girlfriend could abuse her, too. Matter of fact, Glory has shot her and kind of beat her pretty bad that one time.
A little inaccurate, but I’d had a rough day.
Okay.
“So... your marefriend beat you up? Because most mares I know would find some other way to get at their very special somepony.”
I fully and unreservedly retract what I said.
“Unless you are into that, which I am totally okay with. I once had a colt who liked me to bite his flanks, and while it was weird, I mean, the things we do for love, right?” she asked me with a wide grin. I felt an eyelid twitch.
This segment is full of win.
His thick glasses magnified to the point where it looked like he was staring at me through two pools of water.
Glasses count at four!
“‘Wastelanders!’ And that LittlePip! Ooooh, she can fix my toaster any day.” He then blinked. “No. Really. She can. Darn thing has been broken forever!”
Not laugh out loud funny, but pretty good.
He patted her on the head. “Good grad student.”
Sisters, what a condescending asshole.
I levitated him up and turned him to face me. “Now. Please,” I added.
Who said I couldn’t be diplomatic?
You kidding me? You're usually quite diplomatic! Perhaps uncouth, but diplomatic nonetheless.
Maybe the Blank tree would lead to new breakthroughs that would help ponies.
"New." Though I guess there could be more than were already found.
“Just because it’s impossible doesn’t mean that I can’t do it. I just have to find a way.”
Fuck that's a great tagline for this story, or at least the parts after ~16 or 33.
I went to the next room, “Rampage? Rampage!” The striped mare gave an extra loud snore, muttered, and then rolled over.
Man, if whatever it is knocks her out, it's probably magic, not chemical.
‘Frost Feather, Councilor Security.’
No. We weren’t meeting with the Councilor till the morning. Why would she send ponies here in the middle of the night?
A setup?
- Chapter Thoughts:
- I liked this quite a bit. Three great new characters, plus new development for Lighthooves. The dream sequences were fun, but of course not quite as meaningful or impacting as in the past. There was a lot of good humor in here, with some of the best being around the escape from the cafe and Dr. Morningstar.
Nice to see Glory's mom again, and I guess the thing keeping everyone down is the ambient Enervation field? This should be good, and it's interesting that she seems to be at least somewhat in control.
The revelations about Project Horizons being related to satellites is good but not exactly unexpected, though the added detail about the the intense magic related to Black Pony Mountain is: that the magic seems to affect everyone at least in the Hoofington region suggests it's very powerful and very important, and quite likely very old, as of course that would be incredibly valuable to the war effort if it could be replicated, so it's probably either the unique product of a project or something from the Nightmare Moon days or before.
Bets are Glory isn't fixed so easily, and I'm a little skeptical about how easily BJ escaped Lighthooves, and the fact he never came after her. I figure something has to be up there.
Another thing I'll say is that everything moved along very well. I don't thing that there was anywhere that the action was dragging, yet for the most part nothing seemed to be glanced over, either.
- Editing:
- 8: We didn’t have long to wait before the DJ -Bottlecap had finally explained what a DJ actually was yesterday- came on.
Two spaces for dashes, symmetrical spacing around them.
23: This is DJ P0N3, bringing you the truth… no matter how bad it hurts.
"DJ Pon3"
28: And apparently she’d just screwed over Red Eye and reestablished DJ P0N3’s eyes and ears down in the city!
"DJ Pon3"
30: Entropy itself will one day bring down the SPP towers,
"S.P.P."
49: Can’t wait for DJ Pon-3 to get back on the air and talk about it.
"DJ Pon3"
51: They could try to get their Rainbow Dash into the SPP.
If she’s become a complete copy of Rainbow Dash, she may be able to access the SPP,
"S.P.P."
52: There are elements in the Society who would trade DJ PON-3 for the Twilight Sparkle bloodline, Homage.
"DJ Pon3"
54: If we can get into the SPP, then we can smack them right out of the air!
"S.P.P."
56: Or perhaps the celebrity DJ-PON3, if he could be tempted to mitigate his rantings.
"DJ Pon3"
59: I hope DJ PON-3 is all right.”
First identified by ‘DJ PON-3’.”
"DJ Pon3"
“Here it is: The greatest city in the sky!”
Unless this is a direct direct quotation, there should only be one space after the colon, and "the" shouldn't be capitalized.
I’d been imagining the ‘city’ as a place like Tenpony or even the Society.
Comma after "Tenpony"?
was when a grey pegasus pony
"gray"
with an impressive gold-and-silver-gilded sky carriage supported by hooks in the ceiling.
"Gilded" implies (in the strong sense) gold; perhaps "painted" or "surfaced" or some such would work better?
I reached out with my magic just before her tail disappeared from view grabbed.
"from view [and] grabbed [her]"?
When Glory picked her out of the air and deposited her on the, Fleur Scotch rushed to P-21 and hugged him tight.
"on the Fleur, Scotch"
Happy, fluffy clouds… I felt the magic discharge.
This could go either way, but these passages feel like separate sentences to me, and if that's the case, there should be a second space after the ellipsis.
where she’d jumped. First Lacunae
Only one space after the period.
but apparently the ickiness of Earth pony saliva wasn’t worth her coming to my rescue.
"Earth" shouldn't be capitalized.
Her coat was a darker gray than Glory’s and her mane a deep indigo.
This just feels off right now because currently Glory is aqua blue, not gray. Maybe something like "Glory used to be"?
The soaring great room rose up for three stories with balconies reaching out like clamshells from between corinthian columns.
Earlier ("and these were decorated with Corinthian columns,") you had "corinthian" capitalized. Personally, I'd say if you can't come up with an appropriate pony pun keep it uncapitalized to hide it, but in either case keep it consistent.
table of stale deserts and oddities
"desserts," though deserts could probably described as stale.
She took it all stoically, even moreso than I thought possible given her sister’s appearance and company.
"Moreso" is a nonstandard spelling, and inconsistent with past usage: replace with "more so."
Together, she and Boomer left
Needs period at end of sentence.
When it was down to four of us and the one remaining butler, Moonshadow frowned as she regarded Glory, myself, and Dusk.
Only one pony was introduced as a butler, and a house would have only one butler, anyway.
“Well, that is one way to contact the authorities,” Glory said, a touch confused and defensive..
Either one or three dots, not two.
And what of our servant’s families?
"servants' "
“Moonshadow, if you’re not going to help us-“
Second hyphen for dash.
“And Stargazer’s husband fought with Father during the dragon attack years back. One shot, one alarm, and things go bad very quickly.
Need closing quotation mark.
and let my brain gradually shut down as the Fleur quietly creaked around us.
"Fleur" should be italicized.
“He’s not going to care if I’m not all Frou-froued up!”
Why is "frou-froued" capitalized?
“Yes mom,” we said in unison as we stepped outside into the warm afternoon light.
"Mom" should be capitalized.
Moonshadow said matter of factly.
This seems like it should be hyphenated.
two neighvarro pegasi, and one Rainbow Dash across Thunderhead.
"Neighvarro" should be capitalized.
Small, economical parks were tucked in between colonnades and boulevards; I only imagined how they’d managed to get grass to grow on clouds.
She already remarked on the grass, but a repetition is fine.
“Cause you’re a handsome hunk of stallion,” Rampage smirked before slurping one noodle in one long suck.
Suggest replacing comma with period and adding second space after quotation, because "smirked" isn't an appropriate dialog tag.
Scotch Tape and a white one for Rampage and Boo.
"white ones"
her purple Enclave coveralls. Flustered, she glanced
Three spaces after the period.
Thought I have to admit that I prefer our old armor.
"Though"
Still, I’d manage to make their pair look less like the former and more like the latter.
"managed"
a day out of Enclave custody. “So ponies are
Three spaces after the period.
I… that’s disgusting!” I blink
Second space needed after quotation.
Are they… well… typical Enclave Captains?
I'm not sure, but I don't think "Captains" should be capitalized in this case, as it's not being used as a part of a title/name combination.
then go to meetings in the officer’s club.
"officers' club"?
with actual combat experience. There’s a few
Only one space after the period.
Most commanders get a yearly wargame, which boils down to bragging rights.
MW says "war game" is two words (with "war-gaming" as the intransitive verb), but Wikipedia disagrees.
Everfree No Fly Zone was infact a balefire detonation device.
"in fact"
I noticed there’d been no mention of alicorns, raptors lost, casualties, Red Eye, or LittlePip.
"Raptor" should be capitalized.
I held up my foreleg with my Pipbuck.
fancy-looking Pipbuck on the waving hoof.
Some Pipbucks have only vision and others give me nasty feedback.
“Blackjack’s Pipbuck program?”
"PipBuck"
Are all earth pony mares like that?” Boomer asked,
Should only be one space after the quotation.
Why did it feel like Mare Do Well’s 24 hour leniency was suddenly a lot shorter?
I don't remember a mention of a 24 hour leniency period, but I could be mistaken.
I’d have to hide someplace till I got working again.
Should this specify the stealth cloak as what she needs to get working?
“Halt right there!” A burly red stallion shouted
"a" shouldn't be capitalized.
Unfortunately for him, me may have been larger than me,
"he may have been larger"
Come on horn, you can do… Apparently it couldn’t as the six ponies
"apparently" shouldn't be capitalized, or there should be a second space before it.
Then a flash as I made fifty feet. I staggered back and forth, double vision dancing in my sight. I looked back at the very un-thrilled faces of the Enclave security. From the black on my horn, no, I wasn’t going to be teleporting again soon.
Okay, this establishes both her progress and, to an extent, her limits. Good.
I grabbed an unrolling bolt of brilliant red cloth in my teeth, forehooves and magic,
Serial comma needed before "magic."
He lifted his hoof and tapped the Pip Buck.
No space in "PipBuck."
Spectrum Studios had been a movie producer before the war and had seen no reason to stop when the world ended.
Suggest "movie production house" or some such, as "Spectrum Studios" could, in fact, be a pony's name, if an unlikely one.
It the same pro-war yet isolationist stories every day, every year.
"It's"
The difference was, instead of being from year ago, this was live.
"years"
Chicanery said with a bemused smile, then turned to Lighthooves.
"Amused," not "bemused," unless he's confused about something.
I came because of a bizarre report I heard that you were using a unicorn look-a-like for Security.
"look-alike"
My actions with Glory was to stymie the Volunteer Corp.
actions/were or action/was, also "Corps."
across the floor of the office. “Contrary to what you
Three spaces after the period.
I could-
Second hyphen for dash.
One by one, the took my hooves
"they"
I still had my sword, the cloak, Vigilance, and assault carbine in my saddle bags, but didn’t know where Duty and Sacrifice had fallen to.
Should there be an article before "assault carbine"?
seemed to know something was amiss. While I drew stares
Only one space after the period.
Does it mention the words ‘Horizons’ or ‘Project Horizons?”
Need closing single quotation mark before the quotation mark.
She seemed disturbed. “Bigger than that falls into
Only one space after the period.
“Arcane Biotechnology” was written in bright pink on one of the sterile white walls.
These should be single quotation marks.
The pony she stood with wasn’t quite what I’d have expected of a Doctor.
Possible single-quotes around "Doctor"? Or maybe have it not capitalized?
“... Security?”
No space needed between ellipsis and "Security."
Killing joke is inconsistently capitalized.
There was also quite a few books on tables and stands.
"were also"
“But....”
Only three dots needed.
substance fall on it’s bark, the entire limb quivered.
It’s yellow bark took on a brighter glow
"its"
The doctor approached. “Fascinating,” he
Only one space after the period.
They talked and ate and played and enjoyed so many things that I was both in awe and sad.
Should this be "saddened," or does it work both ways?
Edit: Oh, and since I haven't posted since this was:
Yeah, I didn't want to say that KKat almost certainly made a mistake considering the context of her one use of "laser," but to paraphrase Dr. Farnsworth, I was thinking it loudly.SilentCarto wrote:Yeah, I derped my bubbly gray butt off on that one. I recalled Kkat using some terribly awkward phrases like "magical energy grenade" to avoid saying "laser" or "plasma", and I failed to actually check if I remembered right before I posted. Still, I'm positive that you're correct that her one use of the word "laser" was a mistake. She went so far out of her way to avoid using "laser", it had to be deliberate.Icy Shake wrote:That's actually a very good point. Probably Twilight and her ilk would be the only ones using "laser," given the different context. That said, plasma weaponry is definitely a feature of Fallout: Equestria, even if it's rarely mentioned in Project Horizons. Lasers, on the other hand, show up only once in the original and that may be a mistake.Sure thing. I just feel bad about making you change stuff that didn't need it, given how much work I give you on legit errors!O. Hinds wrote:That's fine. I don't think that I shall change it back, though, as the more generic versions in now work fine for either case.
Edit: ...uh. That wasn't meant as a jab at Somber, or anything. I'm a stickler and I know it.
Also, echo on your entire response to Hinds and the edit; I feel the same way entirely. And there's nothing wrong with there being little mistakes here and there: that's why there are content editors and copy editors and line editors, and with a work of this size, put out on the schedule it's released, things are bound to slip through even a strong process (this also applies to KKat).
Oh, and that reminded me:
- Spoiler:
- and it's even relevant to PH right now!
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
Brohoof! : 308
Join date : 2012-06-05
Age : 35
Location : Boston, MA
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
It's complete in the sense that I'm not going to finish it... probably. Originally my Big bad was Discord... and then they introduced Discord. So... yeah... It gets up to Nightmare Screamer's attack on Canterlot and then nothing. >.>
I tried to make lasers= incineration beams and plasma - disintegration spell. But Raptor plasma cannons kinda mehed that.
Loved your observations and I'm glad I gave you some laughs. Things are going to go down hill rather quickly the next two chapters... but now BJ is tough enough to handle it.
I tried to make lasers= incineration beams and plasma - disintegration spell. But Raptor plasma cannons kinda mehed that.
Loved your observations and I'm glad I gave you some laughs. Things are going to go down hill rather quickly the next two chapters... but now BJ is tough enough to handle it.
Somber- Hydra
- Posts : 538
Brohoof! : 1046
Join date : 2012-05-09
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Ah, thank you very much as always. Sorry about the timing being bad for you, though.Icy Shake wrote:You rat bastards. This was posted at almost exactly the right time to let me read it and only be somewhat destroyed for work tomorrow, so I can't justify leaving it until tomorrow. I think you should know by now that your role is to release chapters in accordance with my schedule. Oh well, at least you got me as I'm coming down from some drink over the course of the day, so that helps.
- Running Thoughts:
The busiest was red, which she said was the business and entertainment sector.
I see what you did there.
First Lacunae and now Rampage…
Seriously? I mean, yes, you might not see her for a bit, but this probably wouldn't even cause her to revert to a foal. And if it did, that would only last a few days. Of course, your days tend to last tens of thousands of words, so there is that.
“Woah, how do you and Glory get your sexings on? Don’t these chafe?”
“A bit, but so long as I’m on top, it’s not too bad,” Glory replied as I worked to re-establish my ability to speak.
This works (Glory's part is fine, if perhaps a little easy; the clinical nature of her answer makes it so) but it feels like BJ was responding to the sexual remark, where on a moment of thought it's clear her inability to speak is due to Rampage being okay, when she didn't expect her to be. I blame this reaction on recently reading things about how similar the characters of core FoE and PH are, and imputing Littlepip's reaction to this situation on Blackjack.
“Rampage! I’ll kill you!” I yelled as I tried to punch her.
“Promises, promises,”
This just works so well.
Thank goodness there were toilets on the ground floor.
Would "ground" floor toilets really be needed? I guess it would be a kindness to any pegasi flying underneath, though.
Her siblings, Lambent and Lucent.
I almost hope that Lucent's cutie mark is a red coffee ring.
Boo seemed somewhat disappointed with the bland sugar cookies provided.
Good job, Boo; way not to be satisfied with the lowest common denominator. (Seriously, I can't fathom the point of sugar cookies unless to provide something at least minimally unobjectionable for anyone.)
“Congratulations,” Moonshadow retorted, full of scorn, “you discovered fornication.”
Okay, that's a great line, and characterizes Moonshadow with stellar rapidity.
“Maybe next you might discover familial obligation.”
This helps in that regard, too.
I gave her a hug and a nuzzle.
I feel like there should be a reaction from this: I'm not sure Moondancer would just accept such close affection from the mare who messed her up so badly without so much as a flich BJ would notice.
I stared at nothing while Glory slept like a log beside me.
Ah, reminds me of how my sister used to say "sleep like a stump on a log" instead of "like a bump on a log."
The uniform black was broken by lines of purple. It had a black cape and a wide-brimmed hat, of all things!
Mare-do-Well is in this? Whaaaaa . . . ‽
And this MDW can teleport and has wings . . . interesting. I guess the wings could be mechanical but more likely the armor has built-in teleportation capability, or there is armor to cover the wings, even if the user doesn't have them. Can't say which, just yet, but I'm leaning toward the latter.
Every now and then when there’s a fight with some slavers or raiders and your ass is toast… bam! She appears.
So, MDW is the Mysterious Stranger? I'm okay with this.
A lightning-powered city! Made of clouds. And rainbows!
That's a seriously cool concept, even accounting for the clouds being preexisting canon.
Even Twister and Boomer seemed surprised by all the ponies living inside this wonderful bubble.
Key observation, and reeinforces the established specialness of Thunderhead.
Finally, I begged Rampage to give us an hour in a concert hall, where I listened to actual ponies playing music while she alternated between grumbling under her breath and giving a professional critique.
First, good on bringing it back around to music. Though have we seen the professional musician before?
I’d spent nearly an hour casting and recasting and tweaking Grace’s alteration spell.
Okay, the cloud waking spell may have been basic, but tweaking a highly specialized spell probably isn't. Her magic seems to be progressing well.
The worst, though, want command. And they get it, too, not because they know what they’re doing but because they know the right ponies. And once they have command, they want to use it. They’ll take a Raptor out and blast a griffin nest because they can.
Ah, and here we have a more in-depth/direct explanation of the questionable leadership of the Enclave military.
A somber gray stallion held paper in his fetlocks as he stared soberly into the camera.
Oddly, the repetition works here as a mild bit of humor.
“LittlePip didn’t know,” I said immediately, getting some more looks. Hopefully the patrons would think ventriloquism was a unicorn trait. “If she had, I know she would’ve done something different.” Actually, I didn’t know. Maybe LittlePip would have found another way. But she’d killed hundreds, maybe thousands, of hellhounds with that bomb… maybe she would have blown it anyway.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. And if she would have acted differently, I almost think it would reflect worse on her, considering that it would mark her as a racist who would at least accept genocide in pursuit of her agenda, while balking at killing non-alicorn ponies.
“Because of all of us you’re the only pony not a fugitive, from an enemy faction, or from the surface,” I replied as softly and seriously as I could manage. “And if anypony asks, you can blame it all on Dusk.”
Good plan, good logic, and then a nice, dick move. But still kind of logical.
A cocky Calamity flew overhead while P-21, far more sulkily handsome than ever, blasted a whole battalion of feral ghouls with a missile launcher, then coolly blew his bangs out of his face.
Well, it was his job to be sexy (and he knew it). But I don't think he's been all about flaunting it since he left 99, of course. Not that they would know that; they just got a little lucky.
A vapid Homage and gray-coated Glory hung in the background.
Is that a jab at Homage? I might just be reading in something not intended. Not that she was presented as a 10kw bulb originally, but still.
Most incomprehensible of all was a strange pink filly with a toy gun that somehow brought down beams of light from the skies.
This . . . makes some weird canon things happen. I'll just hope that that one's (seriously, horrendously) terrible Nightmare isn't part of PH.
The animation ended with the bold title of ‘Wastelander!’ and that it was coming next month to the ‘Fantasy Channel’.
“They made me into a cartoon,” I muttered in a daze. “They… who… how… buh…” I sat down hard. I had nothing… My life had officially become entertainment.
Actually one of the better fourth-wall gags I've seen.
And then everything went mad.
Yet another reasonable one-sentence description of this story.
“What? They’re clouds,” she said scornfully, then trotted out again.
Couldn't find a clip super fast, but . . .
Marge: Oh no! It's eating us!
Homer: Not a chance!
Bart: Wow, dad, how did you do that?
Homer: It's a flower...
Try not to blow up my home by accident. Please,
Ah, the irony of saying that.
I could have killed one, made a hole, and evaded… but if I was going to start down that road, I doubted I’d kill just one.
I'm surprized she even thought that; there's no indication that they're trying to kill her yet. I almost suggest adding that, because damn, that's just not who she's supposed to be at all.
They’d gotten beam guns, too… that wasn’t good. They might not kill me with those, but it was way too crowded to risk bystandards.
With enough, I bet she could go down to beam guns. But it would take a lot, unless they were heavier duty than these probably are.
Then the crowd erupted in cheers, and a white stallion with a silver mane and a spectrum burst for a cutie mark pushed his way forward. His eyes were hidden by opaque black glasses. “That was magnificent! Exactly how BJ would do it, Babe.”
I'm confused and flabbergasted (not too much, because come on, Project Horizons, but still). This looks to be awesome.
“But you weren’t supposed to start the publicity stunts until next week!”
Possible fakeout from an unexpected ally?
I’m planning to release a whole Life of the Lightbringer in a year or two.
The first decade or two will be glossed over or altered as hell, I'm sure.
Say you pick up some junk… well, the PipBuck might not know what it is, so it asks another terminal. And if that one doesn’t know, then it’ll ask another and another. And in almost an instant, it’ll identify that thing.
Well, that's one mystery off the list, one that probably hasn't shown up in nearly a million words, but still a closed plot thread.
Then it might average out trading prices to tell you, in general, how much it’s worth!
Make that two.
But all my films are ‘fiction’, and so long as I show lots of brown and horrible raider ponies on the surface, the Enclave doesn’t mind.
Interesting color choice.
I wanted to fly, and I wasn’t even a pegasus.
More pertinently, BJ is deathly afraid of heights and flying. Also, this is a great device to let us see what Glory's doing, where normally that'd be impossible.
They walked into a reception area where a green stallion with large wire-framed glasses greeted them with an eager smile.
That's three ponies with glasses this chapter (even if the second one was sunglasses). I guess the Enclave/Thunderhead do some things right.
Oh, and I forgot to say, on Morningstar, I'm not sure I should trust anyone with the same name/epithet as the devil in a story that's a deconstruction of messiah figures.
“It’s something the Tower picked up a few weeks ago, being transmitted from space.”
Possibly Celestia 1? Or Project Horizons? Maybe Puppy's space laser?
This was a machine message seeking something called EC-1101.
PH it is, maybe.
I’d heard it before. I heard it all the time down in the tunnels. The scream of Enervation. That it was a signal too was even more unnerving.
Seriously. What are the odds? Unless one of the cyber-characters really is working for the EOS, in which case this could work.
“Right. I always seem to forget about that signal. It’s coming from Black Pony Mountain.” She announced it, and immediately I felt a strange indifference fall over me. It wasn’t important. That was just a boring chunk of black rock. Nothing special about it at all. And clearly everypony agreed.
Confirmation for BPM having a don't think about it spell.
“Oh, it’s just starting to get interesting,” a stallion said, a stallion who shouldn’t be here. He smiled his kind, polite smile. The same smile he’d worn when he’d ordered Glory’s cutie mark burned off.
Lighthooves.
Yeah, kind of saw this coming. It's been a while since an orb/dream ended badly, I think.
Four magical bullets to the head and my job here would be made so much simpler. All I had to do was kill an unarmed pony. I tried to dig deep down, find my inner Rampage, and take his head off.
Continuing the long-running theme. Also highlights the weirdness that she considered killing security ponies earlier, who at the time weren't even deadly threats.
A fancy griffin term for ‘sleight of hand’ or claw, as the case may be.
Griffin? I'd think it'd be Fancee. Though I guess there are now French griffins.
The missiles will be a deterrent, not a weapon. They’ll make the Enclave back off, and time will make certain that they fail.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a dumbass. HELLO SHITBRAINS, YOU LIVE IN THE AFTERMATH OF A NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE.
And I couldn’t cast a spell to save my life...
But I could end one.
With a thought, a basic counterspell targeting myself, I scattered the magic that allowed me to walk on clouds and gravity took me.
Interesting that counterspells, at least of your own magic, are easier/faster than new spells. Also, damn clever move, the kind we saw a ton of pre-cyberization.
“Stop swinging your hooves! Go limp!”
Well, she does know how to do that . . .
“No problem. It’s what ponies do, right?” she replied, with such open honesty that I couldn’t help myself. I hugged her. This was how the world was supposed to be... and it was nice to see it as normal for a change.
Yes, yes it is, and it's a nice way of working in the object lesson that there are more decent ponies in the Enclave than just the Dashites.
I still had my sword, the cloak, Vigilance, and assault carbine in my saddle bags, but didn’t know where Duty and Sacrifice had fallen to.
Not D&S! I love those guys!
I was not beaten by my coltfriend. I’m gay, anyway. All right?
Ummm . . . why lie? She's very, very bi. I mean, I guess it makes things easier, but why not just say she doesn't have a boyfriend? And a girlfriend could abuse her, too. Matter of fact, Glory has shot her and kind of beat her pretty bad that one time.
A little inaccurate, but I’d had a rough day.
Okay.
“So... your marefriend beat you up? Because most mares I know would find some other way to get at their very special somepony.”
I fully and unreservedly retract what I said.
“Unless you are into that, which I am totally okay with. I once had a colt who liked me to bite his flanks, and while it was weird, I mean, the things we do for love, right?” she asked me with a wide grin. I felt an eyelid twitch.
This segment is full of win.
His thick glasses magnified to the point where it looked like he was staring at me through two pools of water.
Glasses count at four!
“‘Wastelanders!’ And that LittlePip! Ooooh, she can fix my toaster any day.” He then blinked. “No. Really. She can. Darn thing has been broken forever!”
Not laugh out loud funny, but pretty good.
He patted her on the head. “Good grad student.”
Sisters, what a condescending asshole.
I levitated him up and turned him to face me. “Now. Please,” I added.
Who said I couldn’t be diplomatic?
You kidding me? You're usually quite diplomatic! Perhaps uncouth, but diplomatic nonetheless.
Maybe the Blank tree would lead to new breakthroughs that would help ponies.
"New." Though I guess there could be more than were already found.
“Just because it’s impossible doesn’t mean that I can’t do it. I just have to find a way.”
Fuck that's a great tagline for this story, or at least the parts after ~16 or 33.
I went to the next room, “Rampage? Rampage!” The striped mare gave an extra loud snore, muttered, and then rolled over.
Man, if whatever it is knocks her out, it's probably magic, not chemical.
‘Frost Feather, Councilor Security.’
No. We weren’t meeting with the Councilor till the morning. Why would she send ponies here in the middle of the night?
A setup?
- Chapter Thoughts:
I liked this quite a bit. Three great new characters, plus new development for Lighthooves. The dream sequences were fun, but of course not quite as meaningful or impacting as in the past. There was a lot of good humor in here, with some of the best being around the escape from the cafe and Dr. Morningstar.
Nice to see Glory's mom again, and I guess the thing keeping everyone down is the ambient Enervation field? This should be good, and it's interesting that she seems to be at least somewhat in control.
The revelations about Project Horizons being related to satellites is good but not exactly unexpected, though the added detail about the the intense magic related to Black Pony Mountain is: that the magic seems to affect everyone at least in the Hoofington region suggests it's very powerful and very important, and quite likely very old, as of course that would be incredibly valuable to the war effort if it could be replicated, so it's probably either the unique product of a project or something from the Nightmare Moon days or before.
Bets are Glory isn't fixed so easily, and I'm a little skeptical about how easily BJ escaped Lighthooves, and the fact he never came after her. I figure something has to be up there.
Another thing I'll say is that everything moved along very well. I don't thing that there was anywhere that the action was dragging, yet for the most part nothing seemed to be glanced over, either.All in all a very enjoyable chapter. I look forward to the next one (and the old ones I'll read between now and then!), and thank Somber and the brushing team for the work they put into this. Best of luck getting a full time teaching gig, and I hope you won't be missing any days subbing until that happens.
- Editing:
8: We didn’t have long to wait before the DJ -Bottlecap had finally explained what a DJ actually was yesterday- came on.
Two spaces for dashes, symmetrical spacing around them.
23: This is DJ P0N3, bringing you the truth… no matter how bad it hurts.
"DJ Pon3"
28: And apparently she’d just screwed over Red Eye and reestablished DJ P0N3’s eyes and ears down in the city!
"DJ Pon3"
30: Entropy itself will one day bring down the SPP towers,
"S.P.P."
49: Can’t wait for DJ Pon-3 to get back on the air and talk about it.
"DJ Pon3"
51: They could try to get their Rainbow Dash into the SPP.
If she’s become a complete copy of Rainbow Dash, she may be able to access the SPP,
"S.P.P."
52: There are elements in the Society who would trade DJ PON-3 for the Twilight Sparkle bloodline, Homage.
"DJ Pon3"
54: If we can get into the SPP, then we can smack them right out of the air!
"S.P.P."
56: Or perhaps the celebrity DJ-PON3, if he could be tempted to mitigate his rantings.
"DJ Pon3"
59: I hope DJ PON-3 is all right.”
First identified by ‘DJ PON-3’.”
"DJ Pon3"
“Here it is: The greatest city in the sky!”
Unless this is a direct direct quotation, there should only be one space after the colon, and "the" shouldn't be capitalized.
I’d been imagining the ‘city’ as a place like Tenpony or even the Society.
Comma after "Tenpony"?
was when a grey pegasus pony
"gray"
with an impressive gold-and-silver-gilded sky carriage supported by hooks in the ceiling.
"Gilded" implies (in the strong sense) gold; perhaps "painted" or "surfaced" or some such would work better?
I reached out with my magic just before her tail disappeared from view grabbed.
"from view [and] grabbed [her]"?
When Glory picked her out of the air and deposited her on the, Fleur Scotch rushed to P-21 and hugged him tight.
"on the Fleur, Scotch"
Happy, fluffy clouds… I felt the magic discharge.
This could go either way, but these passages feel like separate sentences to me, and if that's the case, there should be a second space after the ellipsis.
where she’d jumped. First Lacunae
Only one space after the period.
but apparently the ickiness of Earth pony saliva wasn’t worth her coming to my rescue.
"Earth" shouldn't be capitalized.
Her coat was a darker gray than Glory’s and her mane a deep indigo.
This just feels off right now because currently Glory is aqua blue, not gray. Maybe something like "Glory used to be"?
The soaring great room rose up for three stories with balconies reaching out like clamshells from between corinthian columns.
Earlier ("and these were decorated with Corinthian columns,") you had "corinthian" capitalized. Personally, I'd say if you can't come up with an appropriate pony pun keep it uncapitalized to hide it, but in either case keep it consistent.
table of stale deserts and oddities
"desserts," though deserts could probably described as stale.
She took it all stoically, even moreso than I thought possible given her sister’s appearance and company.
"Moreso" is a nonstandard spelling, and inconsistent with past usage: replace with "more so."
Together, she and Boomer left
Needs period at end of sentence.
When it was down to four of us and the one remaining butler, Moonshadow frowned as she regarded Glory, myself, and Dusk.
Only one pony was introduced as a butler, and a house would have only one butler, anyway.
“Well, that is one way to contact the authorities,” Glory said, a touch confused and defensive..
Either one or three dots, not two.
And what of our servant’s families?
"servants' "
“Moonshadow, if you’re not going to help us-“
Second hyphen for dash.
“And Stargazer’s husband fought with Father during the dragon attack years back. One shot, one alarm, and things go bad very quickly.
Need closing quotation mark.
and let my brain gradually shut down as the Fleur quietly creaked around us.
"Fleur" should be italicized.
“He’s not going to care if I’m not all Frou-froued up!”
Why is "frou-froued" capitalized?
“Yes mom,” we said in unison as we stepped outside into the warm afternoon light.
"Mom" should be capitalized.
Moonshadow said matter of factly.
This seems like it should be hyphenated.
two neighvarro pegasi, and one Rainbow Dash across Thunderhead.
"Neighvarro" should be capitalized.
Small, economical parks were tucked in between colonnades and boulevards; I only imagined how they’d managed to get grass to grow on clouds.
She already remarked on the grass, but a repetition is fine.
“Cause you’re a handsome hunk of stallion,” Rampage smirked before slurping one noodle in one long suck.
Suggest replacing comma with period and adding second space after quotation, because "smirked" isn't an appropriate dialog tag.
Scotch Tape and a white one for Rampage and Boo.
"white ones"
her purple Enclave coveralls. Flustered, she glanced
Three spaces after the period.
Thought I have to admit that I prefer our old armor.
"Though"
Still, I’d manage to make their pair look less like the former and more like the latter.
"managed"
a day out of Enclave custody. “So ponies are
Three spaces after the period.
I… that’s disgusting!” I blink
Second space needed after quotation.
Are they… well… typical Enclave Captains?
I'm not sure, but I don't think "Captains" should be capitalized in this case, as it's not being used as a part of a title/name combination.
then go to meetings in the officer’s club.
"officers' club"?
with actual combat experience. There’s a few
Only one space after the period.
Most commanders get a yearly wargame, which boils down to bragging rights.
MW says "war game" is two words (with "war-gaming" as the intransitive verb), but Wikipedia disagrees.
Everfree No Fly Zone was infact a balefire detonation device.
"in fact"
I noticed there’d been no mention of alicorns, raptors lost, casualties, Red Eye, or LittlePip.
"Raptor" should be capitalized.
I held up my foreleg with my Pipbuck.
fancy-looking Pipbuck on the waving hoof.
Some Pipbucks have only vision and others give me nasty feedback.
“Blackjack’s Pipbuck program?”
"PipBuck"
Are all earth pony mares like that?” Boomer asked,
Should only be one space after the quotation.
Why did it feel like Mare Do Well’s 24 hour leniency was suddenly a lot shorter?
I don't remember a mention of a 24 hour leniency period, but I could be mistaken.
I’d have to hide someplace till I got working again.
Should this specify the stealth cloak as what she needs to get working?
“Halt right there!” A burly red stallion shouted
"a" shouldn't be capitalized.
Unfortunately for him, me may have been larger than me,
"he may have been larger"
Come on horn, you can do… Apparently it couldn’t as the six ponies
"apparently" shouldn't be capitalized, or there should be a second space before it.
Then a flash as I made fifty feet. I staggered back and forth, double vision dancing in my sight. I looked back at the very un-thrilled faces of the Enclave security. From the black on my horn, no, I wasn’t going to be teleporting again soon.
Okay, this establishes both her progress and, to an extent, her limits. Good.
I grabbed an unrolling bolt of brilliant red cloth in my teeth, forehooves and magic,
Serial comma needed before "magic."
He lifted his hoof and tapped the Pip Buck.
No space in "PipBuck."
Spectrum Studios had been a movie producer before the war and had seen no reason to stop when the world ended.
Suggest "movie production house" or some such, as "Spectrum Studios" could, in fact, be a pony's name, if an unlikely one.
It the same pro-war yet isolationist stories every day, every year.
"It's"
The difference was, instead of being from year ago, this was live.
"years"
Chicanery said with a bemused smile, then turned to Lighthooves.
"Amused," not "bemused," unless he's confused about something.
I came because of a bizarre report I heard that you were using a unicorn look-a-like for Security.
"look-alike"
My actions with Glory was to stymie the Volunteer Corp.
actions/were or action/was, also "Corps."
across the floor of the office. “Contrary to what you
Three spaces after the period.
I could-
Second hyphen for dash.
One by one, the took my hooves
"they"
I still had my sword, the cloak, Vigilance, and assault carbine in my saddle bags, but didn’t know where Duty and Sacrifice had fallen to.
Should there be an article before "assault carbine"?
seemed to know something was amiss. While I drew stares
Only one space after the period.
Does it mention the words ‘Horizons’ or ‘Project Horizons?”
Need closing single quotation mark before the quotation mark.
She seemed disturbed. “Bigger than that falls into
Only one space after the period.
“Arcane Biotechnology” was written in bright pink on one of the sterile white walls.
These should be single quotation marks.
The pony she stood with wasn’t quite what I’d have expected of a Doctor.
Possible single-quotes around "Doctor"? Or maybe have it not capitalized?
“... Security?”
No space needed between ellipsis and "Security."
Killing joke is inconsistently capitalized.
There was also quite a few books on tables and stands.
"were also"
“But....”
Only three dots needed.
substance fall on it’s bark, the entire limb quivered.
It’s yellow bark took on a brighter glow
"its"
The doctor approached. “Fascinating,” he
Only one space after the period.
They talked and ate and played and enjoyed so many things that I was both in awe and sad.
Should this be "saddened," or does it work both ways?
- Spoiler:
And was agreeing and about to change it, but then I realized that it's actually rather meaningful and sweet. The coat on Glory is currently blue, yes, but Glory's coat, to Blackjack, is her natural gray.Icy Shake wrote:This just feels off right now because currently Glory is aqua blue, not gray. Maybe something like "Glory used to be"?Icy Shake wrote:I don't remember a mention of a 24 hour leniency period, but I could be mistaken.
Not exactly a twenty-four hour leniency period, but close enough.However, you should leave. Thunderhead law enforcement will be occupied tomorrow, so you should just pad your ship again and go home.
…I don't see a problem here or a fix you're suggesting, so I'm going to assume that this was comment was actually misplaced, meant to go in the general comments rather than the error spotting.Icy Shake wrote:Okay, this establishes both her progress and, to an extent, her limits. Good.
Heh, good point.Icy Shake wrote:Suggest "movie production house" or some such, as "Spectrum Studios" could, in fact, be a pony's name, if an unlikely one.
What is that a reference to?Icy Shake wrote:I almost hope that Lucent's cutie mark is a red coffee ring.
Don't worry; from what I've heard from Somber, it was just a nod. I've my own misgivings about Pink Eyes; though I believe I actually stopped reading just before the Nightmare bit, from what I've picked up, that was a good thing.Icy Shake wrote:This . . . makes some weird canon things happen. I'll just hope that that one's (seriously, horrendously) terrible Nightmare isn't part of PH.
Ah, that was meant to refer to the general color, not the color of the raiders in particular. I've switched the order to make it clearer.Icy Shake wrote:Interesting color choice.
O. Hinds- Zebra Engineer
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
No problem. It has to be for somebody, after all.O. Hinds wrote:
Ah, thank you very much as always. Sorry about the timing being bad for you, though.
- Spoiler:
Agree, that does work well, and now that I think about it is actually consistent with some past usage.O. Hinds wrote:
And was agreeing and about to change it, but then I realized that it's actually rather meaningful and sweet. The coat on Glory is currently blue, yes, but Glory's coat, to Blackjack, is her natural gray.Icy Shake wrote:This just feels off right now because currently Glory is aqua blue, not gray. Maybe something like "Glory used to be"?
Okay, I guess that works.O. Hinds wrote:Icy Shake wrote:I don't remember a mention of a 24 hour leniency period, but I could be mistaken.
Not exactly a twenty-four hour leniency period, but close enough.However, you should leave. Thunderhead law enforcement will be occupied tomorrow, so you should just pad your ship again and go home.
Looks like it.O. Hinds wrote:
…I don't see a problem here or a fix you're suggesting, so I'm going to assume that this was comment was actually misplaced, meant to go in the general comments rather than the error spotting.Icy Shake wrote:Okay, this establishes both her progress and, to an extent, her limits. Good.O. Hinds wrote:
What is that a reference to?Icy Shake wrote:I almost hope that Lucent's cutie mark is a red coffee ring.
Sweet. Though I get the impression that I'm in the minority in some of my feelings regarding that story.O. Hinds wrote:
Don't worry; from what I've heard from Somber, it was just a nod. I've my own misgivings about Pink Eyes; though I believe I actually stopped reading just before the Nightmare bit, from what I've picked up, that was a good thing.Icy Shake wrote:This . . . makes some weird canon things happen. I'll just hope that that one's (seriously, horrendously) terrible Nightmare isn't part of PH.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
*hugs Somber, Hinds, and Bronode each gently*
Thank you for all of your hard work in bringing us Project Horizons.
This chapter was really fantastic. There were just a lot of little pieces that made it great, and possibly one part I enjoyed a little too much, heh...
I will, as always, strive to get my full comments finished soon. Thank you very much again. Somber, I hope things will be alright for you, and Bronode, I hope you get better soon from whatever ailment has you. And Hinds... keep being striped.
I don't know... it's 5:30 and my brain feels like it's slowly starting to implode... Very much time to crawl into bed.
Thank you for all of your hard work in bringing us Project Horizons.
This chapter was really fantastic. There were just a lot of little pieces that made it great, and possibly one part I enjoyed a little too much, heh...
- Initial thoughts:
- Boo talking in Blackjack's dream may have made me squeak out loud in joy...
Wastelander! sounds like it could be an awesome show, definitely an amusing idea.
And that ending, geeze, the suspense could cut butter!
I will, as always, strive to get my full comments finished soon. Thank you very much again. Somber, I hope things will be alright for you, and Bronode, I hope you get better soon from whatever ailment has you. And Hinds... keep being striped.
I don't know... it's 5:30 and my brain feels like it's slowly starting to implode... Very much time to crawl into bed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
The "Jeeves" line was really nice! Didn't expect it there
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
It's highly irrational, and it would probably take a full paragraph or two to explain why it made me react but...
Yeah, I think one of the core "theme" of the post-apocalyptic genre, in my interpretation at least, is that the normal become surreal, and the unnatural become normal. With the fall of Civilization things are turned upside down, and what takes its place is only either a pale shadow of what came before, a parody of it, or so different from it as to be almost alien.
Somber wrote:Spectrum Studios had been a movie production house before the war and had seen no reason to stop when the world ended.
It's just... it kind of establish by itself the surreal weirdness of a post-apocalyptic setting, I'd say.a comment I made on the previous quote somewhere else wrote:Sentences like that are among the reasons why I read Post-Apocalyptic fiction.
Yeah, I think one of the core "theme" of the post-apocalyptic genre, in my interpretation at least, is that the normal become surreal, and the unnatural become normal. With the fall of Civilization things are turned upside down, and what takes its place is only either a pale shadow of what came before, a parody of it, or so different from it as to be almost alien.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, when you really get down to it, everything we call "post-apocalyptic" isn't really post-apocalypses. If anything they're "good enough for government work" post-apocalypses.
Sorry, I went to a few panels where they talked at length about stories like this. Apparently before the Industrial Revolution most literature dealing with the Apocalypses usually ended with everything dead, and usually from some huge natural disaster that simply couldn't be stopped.
After the Industrial Revolution, Apocalyptic literature turned towards man made disasters and possibilities to survive.
The people talking about it knew their stuff too. PhDs and all that, who wrote stories on the side.
Sorry, I went to a few panels where they talked at length about stories like this. Apparently before the Industrial Revolution most literature dealing with the Apocalypses usually ended with everything dead, and usually from some huge natural disaster that simply couldn't be stopped.
After the Industrial Revolution, Apocalyptic literature turned towards man made disasters and possibilities to survive.
The people talking about it knew their stuff too. PhDs and all that, who wrote stories on the side.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, yeah. But you don't often see a story focusing on, let's say, life after humanity on a ruined earth. Well, there's Adventure Time, but I'm not quite sure the post-apocalyptic angle is central to it (disclaimer : I only have seen a few episodes of it).Moodyman90 wrote:Well, when you really get down to it, everything we call "post-apocalyptic" isn't really post-apocalypses. If anything they're "good enough for government work" post-apocalypses.
Sorry, I went to a few panels where they talked at length about stories like this. Apparently before the Industrial Revolution most literature dealing with the Apocalypses usually ended with everything dead, and usually from some huge natural disaster that simply couldn't be stopped.
After the Industrial Revolution, Apocalyptic literature turned towards man made disasters and possibilities to survive.
The people talking about it knew their stuff too. PhDs and all that, who wrote stories on the side.
But anyway, yeah, this kind of literature is interesting in how it reflect the culture of the society that generated them. Once we started being able to, to some measure, bend nature to our will, the change of tone and focus isn't surprising. Only logical, in fact.
In that respect, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (the manga, not the movie) is an interesting example, I think. In line with the "civilization killed this world, now it's up to nature to give life again" theme you often see in a number of works. The age old nature vs. civilization rhetoric.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Chapter 60 is probably the most fun I've had in any single PH chapter memory, and I know it's one I'll be rereading in future months.
- Something actually specific enough to count as a spoiler:
- Lighthooves knows about timed hits! Or at least SATS.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Adventure Time focuses on wacky adventures and uses the post-apocalyptic setting to justify all the crazy stuff going on and the weird creatures. Also for funny scenes in the background, like the city that was underwater and you could see two skeletons sitting on a couch.
But this raises an interesting point. We read post-apocalyptic stories for the survivors and to see if they'll make it. If a story set after the apocalypses is about life other than what we'd call the main species( humans for us, ponies, griffins, sand dogs etc. for FoE) is it post-apocalyptic, or just a story of the next civilization rise to the top?
But this raises an interesting point. We read post-apocalyptic stories for the survivors and to see if they'll make it. If a story set after the apocalypses is about life other than what we'd call the main species( humans for us, ponies, griffins, sand dogs etc. for FoE) is it post-apocalyptic, or just a story of the next civilization rise to the top?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, I'd say in that case "post-apocalyptic" is the... premise (?) and not the theme / genre of the work. if that makes sense ?
What IS "post-apocalyptic" as a genre anyway ?
Heh. I guess that the kind of discussion that could warrant a thread of its own. if anyone is interested in sharing opinions and stuff.
What IS "post-apocalyptic" as a genre anyway ?
Heh. I guess that the kind of discussion that could warrant a thread of its own. if anyone is interested in sharing opinions and stuff.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Another enjoyable chapter. Boo continues to intrigue me.
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Yes, comment on the chapter proper :
I didn't feel there was any pacing problem, the plot continued to advance, questions were answered and others have now appeared. And while this chapter and the previous one were mostly "rest chapter" (for what measure of "rest" there is in PH), the chapter's end make it clear (or at least give the expectation) that shit is about to go down.
No real commentary to make on any particular point at this time (other than the one made previously), so I'll just say good job, as usual.
I didn't feel there was any pacing problem, the plot continued to advance, questions were answered and others have now appeared. And while this chapter and the previous one were mostly "rest chapter" (for what measure of "rest" there is in PH), the chapter's end make it clear (or at least give the expectation) that shit is about to go down.
No real commentary to make on any particular point at this time (other than the one made previously), so I'll just say good job, as usual.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Okay, I'm about a third through the chapter but I'm squeeing at Mare Do Well.
Since the stories about MDW are widespread and attribute vastly different capabilities and fighting styles to her, clearly MDW is sticking with her original concept as a shared persona. I suspect a widespread organization devoted to guiding the Enclave away from the worst mistakes, among other goals, rather like the White Lotus brotherhood from Last Airbender.
I also want to suspect that Moonshadow was the one in the suit; who else would know exactly where to find Blackjack? But the MDW also didn't know who Blackjack was, which she should have if she were Moony*. Possibly Moony is a member of the organization but not the heroic type and called in a visit from another member. Hard to say.
Partly I want it to be Moonshadow because that is also the name of Tyler's Batman-like heroic alter ego in PS238.
* Possibly she only knew "Blackjack" and that meant nothing, and the reaction was to finding out that she's talking to (and her sister is dating) Security.
Since the stories about MDW are widespread and attribute vastly different capabilities and fighting styles to her, clearly MDW is sticking with her original concept as a shared persona. I suspect a widespread organization devoted to guiding the Enclave away from the worst mistakes, among other goals, rather like the White Lotus brotherhood from Last Airbender.
I also want to suspect that Moonshadow was the one in the suit; who else would know exactly where to find Blackjack? But the MDW also didn't know who Blackjack was, which she should have if she were Moony*. Possibly Moony is a member of the organization but not the heroic type and called in a visit from another member. Hard to say.
Partly I want it to be Moonshadow because that is also the name of Tyler's Batman-like heroic alter ego in PS238.
* Possibly she only knew "Blackjack" and that meant nothing, and the reaction was to finding out that she's talking to (and her sister is dating) Security.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
You know, IF the Mare-Do-Well shtick is actually, like you said, a common effort between a group of ponies to steer the Enclave in a certain direction ; this raises an interesting parallel with what originally happened between Rainbow Dash and Mare-Do-Well, instead that here it could be the ponies behind MDW's answer to the Dashites.
I don't know if I make sense ?
I don't know if I make sense ?
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