Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:04 am
Well, I think 59 was hardly a horrible or boring chapter. In fact, it was so engaging I got over halfway through before even realizing how long I'd been reading and that I really needed to stop and stretch.
As always, I shall try to get my full commentary done as soon as possible... Unfortunately I need to prepare for Boo heading into the Chrysalis Building still, because I'm absurdly behind schedule, but I'll try not to let that get in the way too much...
Thank you, Somber, for everything. I really hope that things get better for you soon.
Thank you Hinds and Bronode for all of your help with editing, and special thanks to Hidden Fortune as well.
*hugs each of you gently*
- Initial comments:
- I really like how Lancer was handled this chapter, pretty much everything with him was handled very well.
The description of the cloud-grown food was very interesting.
I could make a hat! Or a brooch. Or a pterodactyl!Somber wrote:I wonder what folks will make of Captains Afterburner, Hoarfrost, and Crosswinds.
But no seriously, I do kinda want to punch them each in the face, just once.
As always, I shall try to get my full commentary done as soon as possible... Unfortunately I need to prepare for Boo heading into the Chrysalis Building still, because I'm absurdly behind schedule, but I'll try not to let that get in the way too much...
Thank you, Somber, for everything. I really hope that things get better for you soon.
Thank you Hinds and Bronode for all of your help with editing, and special thanks to Hidden Fortune as well.
*hugs each of you gently*
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Katarn Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:26 am
I don't know if someone suggested it already, but we need Admiral/Pirate Capitan Blackjack art.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Aonee Mon Sep 02, 2013 11:45 am
So, I was looking through the reddit comments about the new chapter when something was brought to my attention by one of the comments:
The Legate had twelve wives, and is lying about which tribe he's from. This was told to us right after Lancer's story about the Twelve and One.
The Legate had twelve wives, and is lying about which tribe he's from. This was told to us right after Lancer's story about the Twelve and One.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kaidon Mon Sep 02, 2013 11:55 am
Just a few notes, likely not in order.
- Spoiler:
- I found myself not entirely buying Lancer's change of heart. I believe it was done well, but it just felt a bit sudden. I expected him to leave the group still displeased with them, though with Blackjack's lecture growing on him over time.
To be fair though, it clearly had been on his mind for at least a little while already, so that would explain his willingness to accept change. It also made way for the Zebra history storytelling on his part, and allowed Blackjack to safely tell him about his mother and sister. I think I have already answered my own concern there. I guess I just took a closer look at it because I really enjoyed this part of the chapter.
Also enjoyed Blackjack's window-smashing rage screaming her challenge at the Core. Noticed her recurring need to feel that heightened respiratory state of rage, for lack of a better term off the top of my head. Can't say I can guess what this implies, but I'm eager to see if this particular behaviour goes further. ALL ABOARD THE CRAZY REAPER TRAIN, CHOO CHOO
Captain Blackjack is best Pirate-Whiskey-Queen.
"That's a new academy record!"She glanced up at me from over the top of the clipboard. “Impressive."
I would have more to say, but I'm pretty terribad at this kinda stuff and I'm posting from phone. This chapter was nice breather (while still being fantastic!) after the rollercoaster of 58, and we got to feel happy for Lancer. (I had just reread up to Brimstone's fall literally just before I saw the new chapter was up, so I had mixed feelings about Lancer.)
Good work Somber, can't wait to see some PH beyond the wasteland, should be fun.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Valikdu Mon Sep 02, 2013 12:08 pm
So, if there's a lot of officers like those Harbinger's pets in the Enclave... yeah, the incompetence from the original FoE becomes more plausible.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kaidon Mon Sep 02, 2013 12:19 pm
Also I should add, hello everyone!
I've posted one or two times and lurked for a while but evidently lacked the manners to introduce myself >.>
Pleased to be here :)
I've posted one or two times and lurked for a while but evidently lacked the manners to introduce myself >.>
Pleased to be here :)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by HillBilly-Drew Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:06 pm
im still kinda new here an all this stuff, i cant seem to find the new chapter.... please help.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Technowolf Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:21 pm
- Spoiler:
- A couple of times Lancer mentions the Atori tribe, but he also mentions the Atoli tribe when talking about the pirate raid that started the war. Is this a mistake, or are they supposed to be two different tribes?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Aonee Mon Sep 02, 2013 2:38 pm
There's a Google docs index page. I'd link it but I'm on mobile. Try checking the first post of this thread, should be a link there.HillBilly-Drew wrote:im still kinda new here an all this stuff, i cant seem to find the new chapter.... please help.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Sep 02, 2013 3:49 pm
Welcome!Kaidon wrote:Also I should add, hello everyone!
I've posted one or two times and lurked for a while but evidently lacked the manners to introduce myself >.>
Pleased to be here :)
There's a link to the hub page in my signature.HillBilly-Drew wrote:im still kinda new here an all this stuff, i cant seem to find the new chapter.... please help.
Ah, thank you. It is a mistake and, while I can't get into the chapter at the moment due to the crowd, I've placed it on a list.Technowolf wrote:
- Spoiler:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by FeatherDust Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:14 pm
The Aioli tribe, known for their delicious sauces...O. Hinds wrote:Ah, thank you. It is a mistake and, while I can't get into the chapter at the moment due to the crowd, I've placed it on a list.Technowolf wrote:
- Spoiler:
Actually I had an editing suggestion too. This was part of the preview bit that Somber posted a while back, and I was hoping it'd be changed in editing but...
- Spoiler:
I think that would flow better as "Everything that hurt me was my enemy, and everything hurt me.""I hated it too. Hated it and everything that made me scared. Everything that hurt me was my enemy, and everything did."
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Sep 02, 2013 6:27 pm
Ah, thank you.FeatherDust wrote:The Aioli tribe, known for their delicious sauces...O. Hinds wrote:Ah, thank you. It is a mistake and, while I can't get into the chapter at the moment due to the crowd, I've placed it on a list.Technowolf wrote:
- Spoiler:
Actually I had an editing suggestion too. This was part of the preview bit that Somber posted a while back, and I was hoping it'd be changed in editing but...
- Spoiler:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:34 pm
Woohoo! Onward to Thunderhead!
- Chapter 59 Commentary:
Now that's strange... I thought the Remnant had lived at Dawn Bay for generations, and I thought Dawn Bay was within the borders of Equestria. I had figured Lancer was born and raised under the clouds.Do you think your pegasi keep our homelands cloud-covered as well? Sun. Moon. Stars. I’ve seen all the skies have to offer.
*cough* Says the sneaky guy with the grenade launcher...You kill from hiding where you can’t be seen and from a distance where you won’t be hurt.
Like mother, like son...And that is what I hate you for most of all. Making me doubt.
And, I'll bet, to act as tiebreaker when the other twelve deadlocked. Good reason not to deadlock.Of course. They are a tribe. A cursed, evil, conniving tribe that none would trust, but a tribe. Their elders used their vote to protect their people from the wrath of the twelve.
Hmm. That might explain Psalm's strange orders and the seeming foreknowledge that they would have to kill Celestia, but on the other hoof, if Celestia decided to cross the lines and surrender, she could have gone any old time and I don't think anyone could have stopped her. The Zebras needed Celestia as a hostage to make Luna surrender, even if they hadn't also respected her as the Sun Incarnate. A corpse would only be of use to Equestria's war effort, so the use of nonlethal weaponry isn't evidence either way.I couldn’t say which was true. Celestia hadn’t looked like she’d been all that willing to be taken, but the zebras also hadn’t been outright trying to kill her, from what I’d seen.
Anyway, the peace conference was offered to Luna; Celestia's attendence was her own suggestion when Luna refused to go. So this smells like Zebra propaganda, at least partially. Maybe the Mendi cooked up this scheme themselves without Celestia's explicit consent, hoping to convince her once they had her in a secure location. That would explain the knockout bomb; if Celestia were really on board, I'd think they could just provide a hidden tunnel or a secure location for her to teleport to. And sure, maybe they would need to drop a knockout bomb on the rest of the conference to prevent them from interfering, but certainly not one strong enough to take out a Princess. In short, if Lancer is telling the unvarnished truth, it was an incredibly poorly-planned defection that looked way too much like a kidnapping.
Ffffffuuuuuuuuck.Two above. Two below. Two to the left. Two to the right. We were flying smack dab in the middle of a wing of Raptors, any one of which could reduce the Fleur to kindling.
"Fly me closer! I want to hit them with my sword!" XDThe breeze from her props caught my mane as I stood upright, put one hindhoof on the rail, and rested my left foreleg on my hind knee. I levitated out my sword as I examined the massive Raptor and took in her name.
Guess she got that shooty look.This will only take a moment.”
Indeed it would. Smash red feathers, grab her as a shield, ram the blue one, crush her head, throw red at green. Finish both if need be. Twister and Boomer looked from the general to the trio. “Don’t kill them, Blackjack,” the General snapped, making all three of them pause.
Ewwwwwwwwwwww.“I understand that you are upset. All of you had a… personal… relationship with the High General."
...
Afterburner seemed like she wanted at least a few more threats and bit down hard on her sister’s wingtip. The blue pegasus just shivered and smiled, her wings poofing a little.
...
“Well bred,” Twister said sarcastically.
Oh... ohhh... Shot through the heart, but failed to die. Is a phoenix talisman called that just because you can rise from the dead like a phoenix? Or did the original Zebra version actually use a phoenix as a component?The day before she fled… they hunted a balefire phoenix… a great and dangerous prey. Something happened, but I know not what. Only that when Mother returned, she said she’d done something terrible. Then she left with my little sister and begged me to come with her.
Oh, reeeeeally? So that repulsion spell is probably ancient zebra work, or maybe Nightmare Moon. And that's probably the least of its defenses. This suggests that they didn't actually "build" the Redoubt so much as move the creature comforts into a preexisting cavern, which might explain how they were able to do so without anyone noticing it was there.He has stated it lies somewhere in the Hoofington region, is protected by magics far older than most, and will withstand even the strongest megaspells.
Awww... this line almost made me tear up more than her death scene did...I sighed, Lacunae’s memory walking into my thoughts as casually and gently as the mare herself once did.
Gyaaaah! I don't know why that freaks me out more than dragons and manticores do, but... gyaaaah!Only a few small ships will risk a Megalodon swallowing the vessel.
For those who don't know, megalodon is a real prehistoric species of giant Great White Shark:![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 17 File:Carcharodon_megalodon](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Carcharodon_megalodon.jpg)
Oh. Crap. I never even thought to connect the Brood with the Securitron Army.Then, one day, he emerged from the tent looking more overjoyed than I’d ever seen him. He said half of it had been unsealed. Then, one night, he laughed long into the night. He said it was the beginning of the end.
Someone please teach Blackjack about OPSEC and SIGINT. Please?Instead, I flipped open my broadcaster and thought of who I could bug.
But who was fighting for what?But there was a second war being fought, too. A hidden war. Goldenblood on one side… somepony else on the other. Secrets and lies… using the battle between your people and mine to cover what they were doing.
Awesome imagery alert!Though gaps in the clouds, I could see flickers of a distant green glow and just make out the black towers biting the clouds.
I love how you can inject humor like this into such a serious scene. XDRampage glared at Lancer and said something in zebra, then pointed her hoofclaws at her face, then at him, before she backed out. A second later, her head popped back around the doorjamb, repeated the gesture, and slowly withdrew a final time.
You forgot "Lancer the Horndog". :3I’d seen so much more of him than Lancer the killer. Lancer the Storyteller. Maybe even Lancer the friend.
Okay, that is way, way beyond noticing a threat ahead of time. She noticed the threat, understood that they wouldn't shoot her, and got in the way! Is she way more clever than she's letting on, or is this like Chiana-level precognition?!Suddenly Boo trotted out after him with that ridiculous captain’s hat on her head. What the heck was she doing? She moved right up next to him and plopped the hat atop his ears. “Boo...” I began with a helpless smile.
...
If Boo hadn’t fouled their shot...
Oh god, my sides!ark clouds began to lighten a touch, and Glory flew back out and continued to work on the cloud layer. Suddenly the Fleur lurched and groaned. Dozens of pink orbs showered down onto the deck. “Take cover!” I yelled as one tumbled down and struck me right on the head. It burst open. “I’m hit! Is anyone else hurt?!”
“Calm down, Blackjack,” Glory called from above. “We just hit an apple tree is all.”
That's kind of creepy...I blinked and picked up one of the mushed pink globs. It was… vaguely… appleish. I heard rustling above us, and then brown branches flopped off to the side of the ship. They resembled ropey tendrils studded with the fleshy pink globs.
Woo! New scenery! New people! This is gonna be so cool!“Welcome to Thunderhead.”
We’d finally, truly, left the Wasteland.
- Editing:
right before the end, thatThere were rumors… myths… war stories… right before the end that the zebras had used megaspells to create super talismans that… well… had excessive effects.
at me, butHe glowered at me but was apparently uninjured.
most of all, you'reYou’re afraid of everything, but most of all you’re afraid to admit it.
I think this would sound better as, "...and everything hurt me." Just my two bits.Everything that hurt me was my enemy, and everything did.
dragged it outWhen we dragged out of that silo, stabilized it…
My mother toldMy mother’s told me many stories
Wait, evenWait? Even the evil tribe of star and moons gets a vote?
If "moleke" refers to dinosaurs, as in the mokele-mbembe of the Congo, it's spelled "mokele".They have fought against dragons, the Moleke, and other great beasts and reptiles.
So, wait, that's why the Last War started?So wait? That’s why the last war started?
This should be "Wait, there", but this seems like too many uses of "wait". I'd just ask the question without preface.Wait? There were zebras who protested the war?
unsettling, to sayThe first time we saw that… well… it was unsettling to say the least.
This should be either "stand down" or "heave to".Stand to and prepare to be boarded!
I've received severalI’ve gotten several interesting reports of the goings on down below.
Crosswinds," the General“Yes. A pity that information couldn’t have waited till the interrogation was complete, Captain Crosswinds” the General snapped.
This sentence seems out of order to me. Did you mean, "but for once, being the not-smart pony made it impossible..."?I should have just kept my yap shut, but not being for once the not-smart pony made it impossible to resist.
This should probably be "Thunderhead's government" or "the government of Thunderhead".What about contacting the Thunderhead government directly?
This should be written out as "70 to 85 percent".Odds are 70-85%, depending on how lucky we get with our deployment and if he fires them one at a time or in volleys.
Yeah, yeah.Yeah yeah. Nopony’s crazy enough to bring one of those things up here.
"They don't have unicorn medics," should be in italics.She was an absolute wreck, even after two weeks. ‘They don’t have unicorn medics’, I reminded myself as I carefully carried her upon my back and a dufflebag of Dusk’s belonging in my jaws.
clouds, butThe power armor paced us as we moved back into the clouds but finally veered off as I carried our disabled passenger down below to the old cabins.
I've stopped complaining about "alright" in general, but as this is supposed to be a professional print piece, I'd strongly encourage you to use "all right" instead.The canapés were alright.
hadn't she?Pinkie Pie had mentioned something about them too, hadn’t see? Bad ponies…
Killer and Friend should be capitalized, since these are titles you're giving him.I’d seen so much more of him than Lancer the killer. Lancer the Storyteller. Maybe even Lancer the friend.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:27 pm
Ah, thank you as always. I didn't agree with that everything you pointed out was an error, but I corrected what I did.SilentCarto wrote:Woohoo! Onward to Thunderhead!
- Chapter 59 Commentary:
Anyway, the peace conference was offered to Luna; Celestia's attendence was her own suggestion when Luna refused to go. So this smells like Zebra propaganda, at least partially. Maybe the Mendi cooked up this scheme themselves without Celestia's explicit consent, hoping to convince her once they had her in a secure location. That would explain the knockout bomb; if Celestia were really on board, I'd think they could just provide a hidden tunnel or a secure location for her to teleport to. And sure, maybe they would need to drop a knockout bomb on the rest of the conference to prevent them from interfering, but certainly not one strong enough to take out a Princess. In short, if Lancer is telling the unvarnished truth, it was an incredibly poorly-planned defection that looked way too much like a kidnapping.Ffffffuuuuuuuuck.Two above. Two below. Two to the left. Two to the right. We were flying smack dab in the middle of a wing of Raptors, any one of which could reduce the Fleur to kindling."Fly me closer! I want to hit them with my sword!" XDThe breeze from her props caught my mane as I stood upright, put one hindhoof on the rail, and rested my left foreleg on my hind knee. I levitated out my sword as I examined the massive Raptor and took in her name.Guess she got that shooty look.This will only take a moment.”
Indeed it would. Smash red feathers, grab her as a shield, ram the blue one, crush her head, throw red at green. Finish both if need be. Twister and Boomer looked from the general to the trio. “Don’t kill them, Blackjack,” the General snapped, making all three of them pause.Ewwwwwwwwwwww.“I understand that you are upset. All of you had a… personal… relationship with the High General."
...
Afterburner seemed like she wanted at least a few more threats and bit down hard on her sister’s wingtip. The blue pegasus just shivered and smiled, her wings poofing a little.
...
“Well bred,” Twister said sarcastically.Oh... ohhh... Shot through the heart, but failed to die. Is a phoenix talisman called that just because you can rise from the dead like a phoenix? Or did the original Zebra version actually use a phoenix as a component?The day before she fled… they hunted a balefire phoenix… a great and dangerous prey. Something happened, but I know not what. Only that when Mother returned, she said she’d done something terrible. Then she left with my little sister and begged me to come with her.Oh, reeeeeally? So that repulsion spell is probably ancient zebra work, or maybe Nightmare Moon. And that's probably the least of its defenses. This suggests that they didn't actually "build" the Redoubt so much as move the creature comforts into a preexisting cavern, which might explain how they were able to do so without anyone noticing it was there.He has stated it lies somewhere in the Hoofington region, is protected by magics far older than most, and will withstand even the strongest megaspells.Awww... this line almost made me tear up more than her death scene did...I sighed, Lacunae’s memory walking into my thoughts as casually and gently as the mare herself once did.Gyaaaah! I don't know why that freaks me out more than dragons and manticores do, but... gyaaaah!Only a few small ships will risk a Megalodon swallowing the vessel.
For those who don't know, megalodon is a real prehistoric species of giant Great White Shark:Oh. Crap. I never even thought to connect the Brood with the Securitron Army.Then, one day, he emerged from the tent looking more overjoyed than I’d ever seen him. He said half of it had been unsealed. Then, one night, he laughed long into the night. He said it was the beginning of the end.Someone please teach Blackjack about OPSEC and SIGINT. Please?Instead, I flipped open my broadcaster and thought of who I could bug.But who was fighting for what?But there was a second war being fought, too. A hidden war. Goldenblood on one side… somepony else on the other. Secrets and lies… using the battle between your people and mine to cover what they were doing.Awesome imagery alert!Though gaps in the clouds, I could see flickers of a distant green glow and just make out the black towers biting the clouds.I love how you can inject humor like this into such a serious scene. XDRampage glared at Lancer and said something in zebra, then pointed her hoofclaws at her face, then at him, before she backed out. A second later, her head popped back around the doorjamb, repeated the gesture, and slowly withdrew a final time.You forgot "Lancer the Horndog". :3I’d seen so much more of him than Lancer the killer. Lancer the Storyteller. Maybe even Lancer the friend.Okay, that is way, way beyond noticing a threat ahead of time. She noticed the threat, understood that they wouldn't shoot her, and got in the way! Is she way more clever than she's letting on, or is this like Chiana-level precognition?!Suddenly Boo trotted out after him with that ridiculous captain’s hat on her head. What the heck was she doing? She moved right up next to him and plopped the hat atop his ears. “Boo...” I began with a helpless smile.
...
If Boo hadn’t fouled their shot...Oh god, my sides!ark clouds began to lighten a touch, and Glory flew back out and continued to work on the cloud layer. Suddenly the Fleur lurched and groaned. Dozens of pink orbs showered down onto the deck. “Take cover!” I yelled as one tumbled down and struck me right on the head. It burst open. “I’m hit! Is anyone else hurt?!”
“Calm down, Blackjack,” Glory called from above. “We just hit an apple tree is all.”That's kind of creepy...I blinked and picked up one of the mushed pink globs. It was… vaguely… appleish. I heard rustling above us, and then brown branches flopped off to the side of the ship. They resembled ropey tendrils studded with the fleshy pink globs.Woo! New scenery! New people! This is gonna be so cool!“Welcome to Thunderhead.”
We’d finally, truly, left the Wasteland.
- Editing:
The double negative is deliberate.SilentCarto wrote:This sentence seems out of order to me. Did you mean, "but for once, being the not-smart pony made it impossible..."?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Mon Sep 02, 2013 10:37 pm
Okay, got home from the convention, got my stuff set down, obviously made some post here and been reading the chapter.
I may go back and look at what's been said, but right now I have no idea what's keeping me going.
In short, I liked it, nothing bothered me at all about it, and I look forward to what comes next.
Though I do like how it seems Somber is going with the whole Enclave isn't compliant and it shouldn't be, but also with how the major hit on the command structure and how the military is full of overly gun-ho, inexperience commanders or playing the blame game, or are both.
Oh, and while at the con I met a few readers and did my best to direct them to the site if they want to. Most seemed to be of the opinion of "yeah it's long but at least it's good and interesting."
I may go back and look at what's been said, but right now I have no idea what's keeping me going.
In short, I liked it, nothing bothered me at all about it, and I look forward to what comes next.
Though I do like how it seems Somber is going with the whole Enclave isn't compliant and it shouldn't be, but also with how the major hit on the command structure and how the military is full of overly gun-ho, inexperience commanders or playing the blame game, or are both.
Oh, and while at the con I met a few readers and did my best to direct them to the site if they want to. Most seemed to be of the opinion of "yeah it's long but at least it's good and interesting."
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Tue Sep 03, 2013 12:06 am
Okay... can you explain what the sentence means, then? Because I wasn't complaining about the double negative per se, I just don't understand what you're trying to get across.O. Hinds wrote:The double negative is deliberate.
...but not being (for once) the not-smart pony
So she's saying she's somehow become smarter for the moment?
made it impossible to resist.
And now I don't follow. She's saying that, because she is, for once, not the not-smart pony, she must shoot off her mouth? It seems more like being the not-smart pony makes her prone to provoke the mare who already wants to kill her.
Are you trying to say she's feeling cocky because, for once, she's not the dumbest person in the room? Because that doesn't make her not "the not-smart pony", it just makes her less not-smart than someone else.
And in any case, just to keep things sane, "for once" should go before "not being".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by thatguyvex Tue Sep 03, 2013 3:11 am
New chapter, Enclave focused. On the bright sight this means more of my favorite xenophobic pegasi. On the down side, I'm wondering just how much damage Blackjack and co. will end up doing inadvertently or otherwise before this is done.
- Comments:
- Honestly not much for me to really say here. I see Blackjack's ta'veren aura is in fully effect though, getting Lancer to open up and speed along his development. Not too fast I couldn't buy it, but I still attribute it to Blackjack's odd charisma which manifests only in opponents she's defeated (and who have survived being defeated by her).
Talk with the Enclave went smooth enough, even with the Three Dodo's crashing things momentarily. I'm putting their overall life expectancy at... low.
Twister and Boomer joining the festivies is a mixed affair for me. On one hand I'd like to learn more about these characters. On the other hand, joining Blackjack for any kind of mission puts your life expectancy down the tube. Still kinda bothered by how little emotion either of them showed towards Sunset's death back in 54... meh...
The description of Shadowbolt Tower was pretty good. Between it and Thunderhead I get a nice sense of size and grandeur, and sets a very different feel and mood from the Wasteland. Wonder how much of Thunderhead we'll get to see during this arc?
Kind of surprised that Dusk is still that messed up. Even minus unicorns you'd think the Enclave would have access to higher grade healing tech and potions that'd take care of injuries even that bad. I know its supposed to be 'gritty' and 'realistic' but just seems odd to me, regardless. Also, don't think I really caught why Blackjack needs Dusk for this? Must have missed something.SilentCarto wrote:
*cough* Says the sneaky guy with the grenade launcher...You kill from hiding where you can’t be seen and from a distance where you won’t be hurt.
Kind of the pot calling the kettle black, yeah, but still a good rant from P-21.
Overall: Kind of a short transition chapter, not a lot going on, but gets us set up for the meat of things to come. No complaints.
- Quick Edit Thing:
Unless dimensions have merged, a time-space warp has occurred, or there's a ghost on the ship, one of those names is wrong."It's okay," I said as I looked at Sunset and Boomer.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Sep 03, 2013 11:07 am
It seems pretty clear to me, sorry. Basically, the sentence means "Hey, somepony dumber than me; I must be smug while I have the opportunity!"SilentCarto wrote:Okay... can you explain what the sentence means, then? Because I wasn't complaining about the double negative per se, I just don't understand what you're trying to get across.O. Hinds wrote:The double negative is deliberate.
...but not being (for once) the not-smart pony
So she's saying she's somehow become smarter for the moment?
made it impossible to resist.
And now I don't follow. She's saying that, because she is, for once, not the not-smart pony, she must shoot off her mouth? It seems more like being the not-smart pony makes her prone to provoke the mare who already wants to kill her.
And if she was in fact not the not-smart pony, she might have phrased it that way. :)SilentCarto wrote:Are you trying to say she's feeling cocky because, for once, she's not the dumbest person in the room? Because that doesn't make her not "the not-smart pony", it just makes her less not-smart than someone else.
Okay, I'll change it back. Wording it that way was actually an edit I made after someone else got confused by the meaning…SilentCarto wrote:And in any case, just to keep things sane, "for once" should go before "not being".
Ah, thank you.thatguyvex wrote:New chapter, Enclave focused. On the bright sight this means more of my favorite xenophobic pegasi. On the down side, I'm wondering just how much damage Blackjack and co. will end up doing inadvertently or otherwise before this is done.
- Comments:
Talk with the Enclave went smooth enough, even with the Three Dodo's crashing things momentarily. I'm putting their overall life expectancy at... low.
Twister and Boomer joining the festivies is a mixed affair for me. On one hand I'd like to learn more about these characters. On the other hand, joining Blackjack for any kind of mission puts your life expectancy down the tube. Still kinda bothered by how little emotion either of them showed towards Sunset's death back in 54... meh...
The description of Shadowbolt Tower was pretty good. Between it and Thunderhead I get a nice sense of size and grandeur, and sets a very different feel and mood from the Wasteland. Wonder how much of Thunderhead we'll get to see during this arc?
Kind of surprised that Dusk is still that messed up. Even minus unicorns you'd think the Enclave would have access to higher grade healing tech and potions that'd take care of injuries even that bad. I know its supposed to be 'gritty' and 'realistic' but just seems odd to me, regardless. Also, don't think I really caught why Blackjack needs Dusk for this? Must have missed something.Kind of the pot calling the kettle black, yeah, but still a good rant from P-21.SilentCarto wrote:*cough* Says the sneaky guy with the grenade launcher...You kill from hiding where you can’t be seen and from a distance where you won’t be hurt.
Overall: Kind of a short transition chapter, not a lot going on, but gets us set up for the meat of things to come. No complaints.
- Quick Edit Thing:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Tue Sep 03, 2013 11:25 am
...How is it that I completely overlook these things?SilentCarto wrote:Woohoo! Onward to Thunderhead!
- Chapter 59 Commentary:
...
Afterburner seemed like she wanted at least a few more threats and bit down hard on her sister’s wingtip. The blue pegasus just shivered and smiled, her wings poofing a little.
...
“Well bred,” Twister said sarcastically.
Last edited by RoboRed on Wed Sep 04, 2013 4:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Wed Sep 04, 2013 10:55 am
I didn't pay enough attention when the Fleur was described.
Also, is this a grammar error? If so, did someone already spot it?
"Each coupling, the land gave rise to the tribe"
Now to head back and catch up on all the comments...
- reading reaction I found when I opened my clipboard the following morning, with some additions:
I kind of wish she'd say these things out loud. I'd like to see some reaction to the idea that the movers and pushers of the war were a day from resigning. ["These things" being her internal realizations with the added knowledge memory orbs have given her.]
Story time! [Or: Yes, Even Lancer Isn't All Bad. I really really really love these stories, by the way.]
Stripes... marked? With what? ...Red? Red means traitor, right? [How do you mark stripes, anyways?]
Can't stop laughing. Every kind of good laughter. This is a good thing, yes. "Prepare to be boarded!" Yes good!
Believed AND set free? That's an academy record! (joke has probably been made seven times by now) [Seven times? That's an... you know. But seriously, this had better pop up somewhere among the artists.]
I want a detailed and hilarious account of Racewind stalling the three captains. Can I make one? Pretty please?
Hurr, gentlequus. I like the reporter, too.
Megalodon.
So the synthetic, "tinny" voice is an actual synthesizer? I thought it was just Watcher's voice coming through sprite-bots...
" I stared out at the flashes of the gathering storm. "
Let it be known that I am presently eating this conspiracy scene right up. Have we had a dark revelation in the rain yet? I can't remember. But I'll remember this one. For sure.
[Addendum: Megalodon.]
I hate to say it, but I don't really feel it whenever Blackjack laments that she can't feel.
BOO WHAT ARE YOU.
OTHER THAN A GENIUS FOR MAKING CPT. LANCER. [What are the odds he ends up with Thrush? Come on folks, place your bets.]
[Postscript: Megalodon.]
Also BRAAAHMIN! [I've got delicate headcanon for the double headers, and near-slaves with no knowledge of anything better fits quite perfectly.]
So... Boomer and Twister stopped pushing so they could hop on deck and stare? [Is there going to be some point where someone asks, "Where are you pushing that big-ass cloud?" and the pair of them have to talk it out without BJ's speech skill to back them up?]
[Megalodon. -ed.]
Also, is this a grammar error? If so, did someone already spot it?
"Each coupling, the land gave rise to the tribe"
Now to head back and catch up on all the comments...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Wed Sep 04, 2013 12:29 pm
- Spoiler:
- I hope Dusk will be alright, it is like her worst nightmare - her sister looks like Rainbow Dash, her mum is a psycho, her dad is in a coma, and she is on a ship with Blackjack.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Sep 04, 2013 1:51 pm
Hm, it might be an error in straight prose, but this is in any case a character speaking in a particular style.Meleagridis wrote:Also, is this a grammar error? If so, did someone already spot it?
"Each coupling, the land gave rise to the tribe"
Well, I can't speak for Somber (or how likely it is to be adopted as PH canon), but I wouldn't mind seeing it. :DMeleagridis wrote:I want a detailed and hilarious account of Racewind stalling the three captains. Can I make one? Pretty please?
Aye, Somber's not read any Moojave stuff, but I thought of you when the brahmin showed up.Meleagridis wrote:Also BRAAAHMIN! [I've got delicate headcanon for the double headers, and near-slaves with no knowledge of anything better fits quite perfectly.]
They were earlier able to talk from their pushing positions; I assumed that they were doing the same now.Meleagridis wrote:So... Boomer and Twister stopped pushing so they could hop on deck and stare?
Well, now that you've brought it up, I hope so. :DMeleagridis wrote:[Is there going to be some point where someone asks, "Where are you pushing that big-ass cloud?" and the pair of them have to talk it out without BJ's speech skill to back them up?]
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by FeatherDust Wed Sep 04, 2013 3:49 pm
...Ohhh, NOW I get it. "Well bred." Twister wasn't showing disdain for aristocracy that could bribe its scions into early promotions, but rather implying that those three slept their way into a high rank. Got it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Wed Sep 04, 2013 4:48 pm
Well shucks.O. Hinds wrote:Aye, Somber's not read any Moojave stuff, but I thought of you when the brahmin showed up.Meleagridis wrote:Also BRAAAHMIN! [I've got delicate headcanon for the double headers, and near-slaves with no knowledge of anything better fits quite perfectly.]They were earlier able to talk from their pushing positions; I assumed that they were doing the same now.Meleagridis wrote:So... Boomer and Twister stopped pushing so they could hop on deck and stare?
Blackjack described some of the things Boomer and Twister were doing, pursing lips and so on. It would be... awkward to get her into a position where she could see them pushing and talking, wouldn't it?
I just figured it meant inbred. Or inbreeding currently.FeatherDust wrote:...Ohhh, NOW I get it. "Well bred." Twister wasn't showing disdain for aristocracy that could bribe its scions into early promotions, but rather implying that those three slept their way into a high rank. Got it.
Hm? Rampage hates Pinkie?Luminous Lead wrote:
For all that Rampage hates Pinkie Pie, she sure takes after her.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Sep 04, 2013 4:59 pm
Ah, thanks; I'd not noticed that. Looks like it was just the one lip-pursing, though.Meleagridis wrote:Blackjack described some of the things Boomer and Twister were doing, pursing lips and so on. It would be... awkward to get her into a position where she could see them pushing and talking, wouldn't it?
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This is the first thing I've seen through in a while
by Meleagridis Wed Sep 04, 2013 11:44 pm
They seem pretty invested in this particular conversation. It would make sense for them to pop on deck for a bit, now that the biggest danger has passed.
I make no promises of quality and expect no promises of continuity.O. Hinds wrote:Well, I can't speak for Somber (or how likely it is to be adopted as PH canon), but I wouldn't mind seeing it. :DMeleagridis wrote:I want a detailed and hilarious account of Racewind stalling the three captains. Can I make one? Pretty please?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ARoundCorner Thu Sep 05, 2013 12:59 am
Genius @ Meleagridis
and I can't wait for all the enclave cloud cities start falling out of the skies. (shit happens)
and I can't wait for all the enclave cloud cities start falling out of the skies. (shit happens)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Thu Sep 05, 2013 2:07 am
@Mel
I like this. Actually seemed to fit in quite well with PH's style. Nice vignette.
Also, only upon reading the name again from you did I get this - it's not present in either the main story or your story - but Racewind sounds like Rincewind.
I like this. Actually seemed to fit in quite well with PH's style. Nice vignette.
Also, only upon reading the name again from you did I get this - it's not present in either the main story or your story - but Racewind sounds like Rincewind.
Guest- Guest
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Thu Sep 05, 2013 5:55 am
Once again, my deepest thanks to Somber, Hinds, Bronode, and guest editor Hidden.
It really was a very enjoyable chapter.
It really was a very enjoyable chapter.
- Chapter 59 Commentary:
"Do you think your pegasi keep out homelands cloud-covered as well?" - That's really an interesting point... I always assumed the zebra lands had been covered in unending clouds as well. I suppose I either hadn't thought about it, or had just begun to take the cloud-barrier for granted.
The elemental megaspells certainly sound like fun (terrifying). It would make for a nice Shadow of the Colossus parody though, Blackjack even has the sword for it!
As I said in my initial thoughts, I really love how Lancer was handled in this chapter. Everything just really worked, and it kept what was a very information heavy chapter from being boring at all.
The argument over the megaspells, Blackjack snapping, and the following confrontation by P-21 are all fantastic. I have the distinct feeling most of my commentary is just going to be saying that over and over again this chapter... so I apologize for that...
"Besides, ever hear of body paint?" - Blackjack, please stop feeding the very awkward and quickly growing love-square here. Glory nuzzling her after the smack was pretty cute though.
Also, oh dear... I really hope Sekashi doesn't start telling stories about Blackjack getting spanked. That would be far too funny to be appropriate.
I really enjoyed Lancer's telling of the zebra creation myth, and I'm definitely going to have to remember "Believe it or don't. Te story doesn't care." in case I ever need to use it.
It's an interesting comment by Rampage that the Legate is not of the tribe he claims to be. Between that and the Brood of Coyotl, it really makes me wonder if the Legate is a Starkatteri.
It's also very interesting to hear the start of the war from the zebra side, how the tribes interacted and reacted in accordance with their mythology.
From what I can remember of Psalm's memory orb, it certainly didn't seem like Celestia was trying to defect, but it doesn't seem like an uncharacteristic action on her part either... It could simply be there were too many mistakes on either side that led to what happened at Shattered Hoof.
Some very nice long-range detection there by Boo. The whole scene of the ambush by the Enclave is quite the cinematic piece, it would make a lovely video. And it's ended quite nicely by "This is Captain Blackjack of the airship Fleur. Heave to and prepare to be boarded!"
"and I had two guards watching me. [...] the two Neighvarro Enclave I'd be least likely to kill." - That really is a pretty smart move. Storm Chaser seems like a decent mare so far, intelligent, sensible... probably going to backstab Blackjack.
The recap of all Blackjack's involvement with the Enclave is pretty nice and nostalgic, even though almost every single time she met them was during a traumatic event, heh.
"I know tanks don't have hooves, but she beat it." - Quite the amusing line.
I did laugh a little at how I pictured Storm Chaser's looks at Blackjack saying "I'd have to really work to kill a half dozen pegasi now."
Speaking of which, hello to the three captains. At the moment they do just strike me as being fairly typical, if thematic, Enclave soldiers. Not something I'd consider a problem, since they play their parts well, but if they are going to become very improtant characters, then I'll hold off on judging them too harshly. I would still like to punch them though.
"Yes ma'am. Please disregard any fire alarms you hear." - Now, I do like a pony that can follow orders without hesitation like that, heh. Racewind gets a gold star.
"I can only hope that Autumn Leaf uses some discretion until I get finished in the east." - Oh the irony.
Blackjack's insight on Lighthooves is very interesting. Self-sacrifice to turn his people into heroes is a very effective strategy, certainly. There are really a whole lot of ways this could go with Thunderhead, it's going to be very interesting to see how it all turns out.
Tiny Applejack and Rarity arguing was cute.
I was somewhat surprised by Blacjack's decision to bring along Dusk. It's really nice that she was able to accept Glory back though. Also, pornography is actually really helpful for learning how to draw, so Glory didn't have that bad of an idea, funny as it might be.
"What happened to her?" "Me." - This did make me tear up a little though.
It's really sweet that Fancy Pants was offering to try and help save Rarity, even if he wasn't able to, it was a nice gesture.
"I miss you, so you existed." - I was lucky this chapter... I missed Lacunae too, but I managed not to break down about it again. I think Blackjack missing her too really helped. I know Blackjack has to let go, otherwise people will really piss and moan about it, but I think it's important to never forget about Lacunae.
Another good talk between Lancer and Blackjack, it's nice that he gets to show a bit of his sensitive side to her as well.
It's no wonder they were made with Project Steelpony's technology if they were created by Four Stars, so that definitely answers that part.
"Does the word 'Four Stars' mean anything to you?" "That's two words." - Definitely funny.
A hidden war between Goldenblood and someone else... that's some pretty creepy stuff. And of course the Starkatteri would be able to do it, laborers get access to /everything/... they build all of your secret facilities, they know how to get around your defenses because they put them up... Yeah, it's defiitely not over.
Blackjack's freaking out and destroying the wall gave me chills, an interesting scene.
"I'd seen so much more of him than Lancer the Killer. Lancer the Storyteller. Maybe even Lancer the Friend." - As I've already said several times, everything with Lancer was very well handled this chapter. Getting depth on him, digging deeper into mysteries, it made for a very strong chapter.
Boo saving Lancer from the sniper is just... woah. I'm not even sure what to think, but it was cool.
For some strange reason though, when I picture Blackjack firing into the air to scare off the settlers, I don't see her using her pistols, I see her shooting off a wide-angle laser like a miniature Folly... from her hoof... My mind's just really weird like that I guess...
Ah... the cloud plants... They sound absolutely disgusting, and remind me of some old tv special about what life might look like if it had evolved on Jupiter or Saturn. It's a nice description though, and it makes above the clouds sound quite scenic. Shadowbolt Tower sounds quite impressive as well.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Thu Sep 05, 2013 11:16 am
Maybe, but that's a change a bit beyond what I can make myself, and I don't think this is important enough to get Somber in on making an edit. They can always go to the deck next chapter. Sorry.Meleagridis wrote:They seem pretty invested in this particular conversation. It would make sense for them to pop on deck for a bit, now that the biggest danger has passed.
:DMeleagridis wrote:I make no promises of quality and expect no promises of continuity.O. Hinds wrote:Well, I can't speak for Somber (or how likely it is to be adopted as PH canon), but I wouldn't mind seeing it. :DMeleagridis wrote:I want a detailed and hilarious account of Racewind stalling the three captains. Can I make one? Pretty please?
Nope, just Equestria. The cloud ceiling relies on the SPP; the GPE doesn't have anywhere near the ponypower to keep the ceiling extended much further, even if they wanted to.WavemasterRyx wrote:That's really an interesting point... I always assumed the zebra lands had been covered in unending clouds as well. I suppose I either hadn't thought about it, or had just begun to take the cloud-barrier for granted.
:DWavemasterRyx wrote:Also, oh dear... I really hope Sekashi doesn't start telling stories about Blackjack getting spanked. That would be far too funny to be appropriate.
Oh yes. "Discretion" is not exactly the first word that comes to mind when the subject of Operation Cauterize comes up… not unless it's accompanied by the words "extreme", "lack", and "of".WavemasterRyx wrote:"I can only hope that Autumn Leaf uses some discretion until I get finished in the east." - Oh the irony.
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