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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

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Post by O. Hinds Sun Jun 28, 2015 2:45 am

There's nothing special about the number 76 here that I know of. At the same time, though, I don't really see a need for the changes you speak of, and I do see some potentially bothersome work that would be needed to implement it; sorry. Of course, Somber may have a different opinion on this.
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Post by Icy Shake Wed Jul 01, 2015 4:02 pm

From my perspective, it looks like if there were to be splits, 62 would be a better candidate than 75. The thing about 75 is that there's really not much different between the two halves, and the split point seems fairly arbitrary; it doesn't strike me as obvious, for instance, why the defense of Chapel should be in one chapter, and that of Elysium in another, and the transition between them is if anything less pronounced than between some of the other mind-pool scenes. With 62, on the other hand, it's all dealing with the same battle for Thunderhead, but there's a clear delineation between them, as 62.1 is pretty much all outside/airspace/Thunderhead, where 62.2 is for all intents and purposes Shadowbolt Tower.

Chapter Seventy Five Part One Running Thoughts:
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Post by Icy Shake Wed Jul 01, 2015 4:05 pm

Chapter Seventy Five Part One Overall Thoughts:
Chapter Seventy Five Part One Editing:
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Post by Icy Shake Wed Jul 01, 2015 4:10 pm

Really thought I'd be able to get this in two . . .
Other Editing:
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Post by O. Hinds Thu Jul 02, 2015 8:44 am

@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.

Icy Shake wrote:Earlier stuff with the Reapers (and, I think, earlier in the Survival Guide) seems to indicate hoofball is pony football or soccer. is it some kind of fusion that has bats too, or should this have another name?
Let's see, that I'm finding, we've got three references to hoofball bats, a reference to tackling, a hoofball being an "oval brown ball", a hoofball uniform being mistaken for (or accurately identified as) reinforced leather barding at first, a pitch that fits in an oval space, can have a track around it, and has end zones...
I don't see why it has to be based on any single Earth sport, though.

Icy Shake wrote:The thing about hesitation or shame can work fine based on Caprice's calling them "traps," setting up the attitude Blackjack expects, but I have a harder time with the possibility of Blackjack blushing at Caprice being a prostitute. I like the current structure, but I don't know what would fit in the "her occupation" slot. The timing/placement doesn't seem right for a simple "my mistake," but maybe something along the lines of Caprice acknowledging Blackjack's mistake?
I've changed it to "at her highlighting my awkwardness or her flirting"; hopefully that works.

Icy Shake wrote:Rampage is the only one to have scowled in this scene, so "replied with her own scowl" doesn't make sense. I'd suggest replacing "own" with something like "deepening/increasing" or "a fresh"
I used "she replied, her scowl darkening".

Icy Shake wrote:"goddesses" should be capitalized
Sorry, but why?

Icy Shake wrote:Had I dragged Archibald and Splendid up there to find out for sure that there were no medics in the wasteland?

"wasteland" should be capitalized
I'm not sure if it matters, but this one is actually in 20, not 19.  Not a problem for me, though.  Sorry.

Icy Shake wrote:suggest changing article format to justified like that in 31, from centered
I've also changed the bit in 31 from italic Arial to regular Time New Roman, and I've removed the paragraph indentation.

Icy Shake wrote:“When I think of her wanting me to sneak into a radigator nest to ‘observe wasteland wildlife’…”

I think "wasteland" should likely be capitalized
Hm...  I'm leaning against it, but I'm not sure.  Why do you think it likely ought to be?

Icy Shake wrote:Why build in a wasteland where everything was dead and falling apart?

should "wasteland" be capitalized?
Hm...  No, I think that this one is properly lowercase.

Icy Shake wrote:Angel stood beside her, arms crossed and foot tapping rapidly besides him.

"besides" to "beside", maybe "beside" to "next to" or "aside"
I've used "to his side".

Icy Shake wrote:I’ve heard through clients that they’re offering a princess’s ransom for it.

should "princess's" be capitalized?
Hm...  Here, I am thinking no.  Lowercase-p princesses are important and would command high ransoms, but capital-p Princesses...  That seems rather too high.
I'm still not certain, though.  Do you see any flaws in my reasoning?

Icy Shake wrote:should "Wasteland" be lower case (like the recent "I was imagining cyberpony painted across the wasteland a mile down.")?
Hm, yes, I think so.  I'm also changing the "on the" to "in the".

Icy Shake wrote:do airplanes exist to lead to the name "paper airplane"? maybe something like "paper glider"?
Hm.  They exist in my FoE headcanon, but I'm pretty sure they don't in PH's universe.  And "paper glider" would probably be a more politically correct phrase anyway.  I suspect I'd not have thought of it, though; thanks for the suggestion!

Icy Shake wrote:should "Wasteland" be lower case? it should probably match whatever decision you make for the conversation with Lancer in 59
I think that, like the ones in 59, it ought to be capitalized.

Wow, that was a long one!  Thanks again for finding and collecting all of those.

Icy Shake wrote:I don't think "looming at" something (maybe at a time) really works. And based on what happens later, he's clearly not looming over Toaster. Maybe "advanced on" or "approached", or some form of watching him?
Hm...  I don't know.  I think it works, and the alternatives you suggest don't seem as good to me.  Sorry.
What do you mean by "maybe at a time"?
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Post by Icy Shake Thu Jul 02, 2015 11:09 am

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:Earlier stuff with the Reapers (and, I think, earlier in the Survival Guide) seems to indicate hoofball is pony football or soccer. is it some kind of fusion that has bats too, or should this have another name?
Let's see, that I'm finding, we've got three references to hoofball bats, a reference to tackling, a hoofball being an "oval brown ball", a hoofball uniform being mistaken for (or accurately identified as) reinforced leather barding at first, a pitch that fits in an oval space, can have a track around it, and has end zones...
I don't see why it has to be based on any single Earth sport, though.
Also the goalposts, but point taken.

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:The thing about hesitation or shame can work fine based on Caprice's calling them "traps," setting up the attitude Blackjack expects, but I have a harder time with the possibility of Blackjack blushing at Caprice being a prostitute. I like the current structure, but I don't know what would fit in the "her occupation" slot. The timing/placement doesn't seem right for a simple "my mistake," but maybe something along the lines of Caprice acknowledging Blackjack's mistake?
I've changed it to "at her highlighting my awkwardness or her flirting"; hopefully that works.
I think it does.

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:"goddesses" should be capitalized
Sorry, but why?
Oh, sorry. I was going to ask about that and forgot, that stayed in because of the other things there. The expression "the Goddesses" is always capitalized, and "goddess" often seems to be capitalized when referring specifically to the Princesses, but sometimes too when just the idea or goddesses in general are being talked about. How should that go?
Some examples, from FoE and PH:

O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:“When I think of her wanting me to sneak into a radigator nest to ‘observe wasteland wildlife’…”

I think "wasteland" should likely be capitalized
Hm...  I'm leaning against it, but I'm not sure.  Why do you think it likely ought to be?
The fact that the Guide covers topics related to the Wasteland that aren't really about the wastelands of the Wasteland. I thought too that there were entries seen about, say, manticores, which came from the Everfree, which doesn't really fit the normal meaning of "wasteland." But it turns out there weren't.


O. Hinds wrote:
Icy Shake wrote:I’ve heard through clients that they’re offering a princess’s ransom for it.

should "princess's" be capitalized?
Hm...  Here, I am thinking no.  Lowercase-p princesses are important and would command high ransoms, but capital-p Princesses...  That seems rather too high.
I'm still not certain, though.  Do you see any flaws in my reasoning?
I was going from another direction, the substitution of "princess's" for "king's" in the idiom. But I suppose the assumptions behind that could break down, too. Yours is sound.

Icy Shake wrote:I don't think "looming at" something (maybe at a time) really works. And based on what happens later, he's clearly not looming over Toaster. Maybe "advanced on" or "approached", or some form of watching him?
Hm...  I don't know.  I think it works, and the alternatives you suggest don't seem as good to me.  Sorry.
What do you mean by "maybe at a time"?[/quote]
I could see something taking a form like "the storm loomed at dusk," in which the prepositional phrase is specifying when the verb is taking place rather than how or in what direction.
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Post by Tacoman587 Thu Jul 02, 2015 5:37 pm

Well looks like the zebras might have not been the ones starting the war. It probably was the Yaks who didn't like the non-perfect trade treaties, then it just went downhill from there.

Also, for spliting a chapter somewhere. Eariler on there was a bit of a theme that had certain number chapters being a bit... darker (11, 22, 33, etc(maybe) ). Having the last chapter on 77 could have that small bit of symbolism if it fit that theme (If ph wrapping up isn't dark enough... What else am I going to do with my time :P  ). Anyways, just something I was thinking about.
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Post by O. Hinds Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:58 pm

Icy Shake wrote:Also the goalposts, but point taken.
Ah, I missed the point about goalposts.
And now I'm wondering what hoofball is...

Icy Shake wrote:I think it does.
Thanks!

Icy Shake wrote:Oh, sorry. I was going to ask about that and forgot, that stayed in because of the other things there. The expression "the Goddesses" is always capitalized, and "goddess" often seems to be capitalized when referring specifically to the Princesses, but sometimes too when just the idea or goddesses in general are being talked about. How should that go?
Aye, one could refer to Celestia and Luna as "the Goddesses" as one refers to them as "the Princesses", but the concept of a goddess, including in a statement that they were goddesses, would I think be lowercase.
Looking at your examples:
correct (in my view):
1, 3, 6
8 is mixed.  "my Goddess" and the related "Your Goddess" I think get through, but the following ones in that example I think ought to be lowercase.
Sorry about the bother.

Icy Shake wrote:The fact that the Guide covers topics related to the Wasteland that aren't really about the wastelands of the Wasteland. I thought too that there were entries seen about, say, manticores, which came from the Everfree, which doesn't really fit the normal meaning of "wasteland." But it turns out there weren't.
Ah, okay.  I also think that there's a pretty good argument that this would be studying the ecosystem of the "wasteland" biome.  Granted, there can be, as brought up elsewhere in this set of error-spotting posts, different sorts of wastelands, but then it become the "wasteland (Equestrian)" biome, not quite the Equestrian Wasteland, I think.
Basically, I look at this as describing the actual physical wasteland, not looking at it as a geopolotical, cultural, of philosophical concept.

Icy Shake wrote:I was going from another direction, the substitution of "princess's" for "king's" in the idiom. But I suppose the assumptions behind that could break down, too. Yours is sound.
Ah, thanks.
I agree that it's substituting "princess" for "king", though.  The thing is that I see "Princess", capitalized, as substituting less for "king" and more for "immortal god-king".

Icy Shake wrote:I could see something taking a form like "the storm loomed at dusk," in which the prepositional phrase is specifying when the verb is taking place rather than how or in what direction.
Ah, thanks.
In this case, I view it as him looming not necessarily nearby but in a way that makes it clear he could be nearby if the loomed-at makes trouble.

Tacoman587 wrote:Also, for spliting a chapter somewhere. Eariler on there was a bit of a theme that had certain number chapters being a bit... darker (11, 22, 33, etc(maybe) ). Having the last chapter on 77 could have that small bit of symbolism if it fit that theme (If ph wrapping up isn't dark enough... What else am I going to do with my time :P  ). Anyways, just something I was thinking about.
We could also maybe make the epilogue 77.
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Post by O. Hinds Thu Jul 02, 2015 6:58 pm

Also, I've been informed by Ryx that today is PH's fourth anniversary! Sorry for forgetting to say this earlier!
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Post by Icy Shake Thu Jul 02, 2015 8:31 pm

O. Hinds wrote:Also, I've been informed by Ryx that today is PH's fourth anniversary!  Sorry for forgetting to say this earlier!
!!
That's right! Can't believe I forgot.

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 29 Ph_4th10
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Post by O. Hinds Thu Jul 02, 2015 8:54 pm

Aye, I had no idea either. Good thing Ryx remembered. :)

In related and more personal news, the fourth anniversary of me working on the story appears to be on the twelfth.
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Post by atikin Fri Jul 03, 2015 11:47 am

Happy anniversary, guys! Keep doing great job! Can't wait to the how all this ends up.
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Post by O. Hinds Fri Jul 03, 2015 7:21 pm

Icy Shake, sorry about this, but Somber has declared that we're changing Triage's colors to match this. Would you please find the other descriptions for us?
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Post by Icy Shake Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:24 am

Yeah, I can do that. Related question: was there ever a decision about whether Colonel Cupcake had a white body and brown mane and tail, or brown with white?
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Post by Somber Sat Jul 04, 2015 12:54 pm

He's a quantum pony, in two alternating states.  I'd say brown body, white mane.
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Post by O. Hinds Sat Jul 04, 2015 1:52 pm

Thanks, Somber!
For the latter bit.
The former, I assume, is a joke. :)
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Post by O. Hinds Sun Jul 05, 2015 6:59 pm

Weeeeeell, it looks like there's going to be another chapter before the end after all. Sorry, everyone; you'll have more of Somber's "horrible" work to read. :)
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Post by RoboRed Sun Jul 05, 2015 7:02 pm

WELP.
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Post by PeppyJoe Sun Jul 05, 2015 9:35 pm

Personally, I'm thrilled to hear that we get more Project Horizons than what was originally planned.  Maybe that puts me in the minority (though I can't fathom why), but I can certainly sympathize if Somber's ready to wrap things up.  All I can say is thanks for sticking it out and writing more horse words!

When (and I mean when, not if) they do a printing run for this story, I know there's gonna be a ton of people trying to get copies.  I will be among them, undoubtedly, but I might need to reinforce my bookshelf to support the extra weight first.  Twilight Sparkle

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Post by SilentCarto Tue Jul 07, 2015 3:10 am

O. Hinds wrote:Weeeeeell, it looks like there's going to be another chapter before the end after all.  Sorry, everyone; you'll have more of Somber's "horrible" work to read.  :)
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Post by Valikdu Tue Jul 07, 2015 3:49 am

O. Hinds wrote:Weeeeeell, it looks like there's going to be another chapter before the end after all.  Sorry, everyone; you'll have more of Somber's "horrible" work to read.  :)

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Post by Evilgidgit Tue Jul 07, 2015 5:45 am

O. Hinds wrote:Weeeeeell, it looks like there's going to be another chapter before the end after all.  Sorry, everyone; you'll have more of Somber's "horrible" work to read.  :)
WOO-HOO! More Project Horizons! I'm going to party like it's on sale for $19.99!
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Post by Somber Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:16 pm

Sorry.  I wish I could have it all done for everyone.  Sorry...
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Post by Icy Shake Tue Jul 07, 2015 2:41 pm


Spoiler:
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Post by O. Hinds Tue Jul 07, 2015 10:42 pm

Somber wrote:Sorry.  I wish I could have it all done for everyone.  Sorry...
Not that that's an unexpected response from you, but may I direct your attention to all the celebration resulting from the announcement? :)
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Post by decumos Wed Jul 08, 2015 8:38 am

Everyone's glad that there'll be more Horizons to enjoy.
Somber says that he's sorry anyway.

Somber, are you Fluttershy?Shy
Not that I'm complaining. It's adorable! Dash clapping
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Post by joltius Thu Jul 09, 2015 12:03 am

decumos wrote:Everyone's glad that there'll be more Horizons to enjoy.
Somber says that he's sorry anyway.

Somber, are you Fluttershy?Shy
Not that I'm complaining. It's adorable! Dash clapping
И вот причина их радости мне непонятна, ничего, в плане объёма грядущего текста, не поменялось лишь одну двойную главу разбили на две одинарных. Ну а Сомбер всегда извиняется, это уже прямо традиция такая.
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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 29 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by TB3 Thu Jul 09, 2015 6:19 pm

Longtime lurker who finally had to create an account, not just to be here at the end of the ride when Project Horizons comes to a conclusion, but to finally pay praise I've long failed to offer.

To whit:

Somber, take as long as you absolutely need. Words cannot convey the joy that Project Horizons has given me over the course of these past few years, and I would loathe myself if it was hurting you to get chapters out.

As for the quality of your writing, I believe it to be beyond exemplary. For me, PH is the seminal Fallout Equestria fanfic (all respect to the original intended, but Blackjack's saga won my heart far more than Littlepip's).

Storytelling, characters, prose - these are all things in which PH excells - were it not for the vexing issue of copyright, I can only imagine this as a bestseller. Yes, it does have some flaws and is not above criticism, but its strengths outweight those issues.

I've followed this story for over three years, through two homes and several jobs - it has been a constant for me in times of plenty and of strife, and to see a new chapter has always been a joyous moment for me.

Somber, you created something which has become a part of my life, part of the framework that shapes my view of the world. As a writer, I can only dream of having someone say the same to me - you've made me cry, laugh, howl with joy and despair.

You sir, are a Great Writer. I can appreciate full well how times can be tough, but please take whatever strength you can from this statement that I appreciate, value and treasure every word you put to page.

And I know I am not alone in that praise.

Thankyou Somber, for giving us Blackjack, Glory, P-21, Scotch, Rampage and all of these wonderful, troubled, inspiring characters.

Take as long as you need sir - we're behind you all the way.

TB3
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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 29 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Thu Jul 09, 2015 7:42 pm

Welcome to the forum, TB3, and thank you very much for those words of support for Somber and the story. :)
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[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 29 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by TB3 Thu Jul 09, 2015 8:06 pm

O. Hinds wrote:Welcome to the forum, TB3, and thank you very much for those words of support for Somber and the story.  :)

Thanks Hinds, and please allow me to extend the same thanks to the editorial staff :)

TB3
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