Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

[O. Hinds]

Now, I have a heavy bias towards adventure stories and I find that's what PH does best.  A-la-Sturgeon's Law, there's enough garbage in Fimfiction's FOE section that most of the time it's mostly not worth picking through. The quality ones I found either haven't gone far quickly (Looking at you, A Daily Unlife), stopped updating before they COULD go somewhere (I see you there, Homecoming) or are already done (hi Guise).

Have you tried Wasteland Bouquet?  Over 195 kilowords and ongoing, last updated less than a week ago.  It also has only seventy-four upvotes (to nine downvotes), so I keep trying to drum up more readers for it.

I've been reading for hours and I can't stop. Whyhaveyoudonethistome. I love/hate you.

So you do like it, then, I take it?  :)

[O. Hinds]

Okay! I edited 15, 53, 55, and 56 for the underground plantations matter and a few other issues (typos, one bit in 15 saying that the Society already controlled Roseluck Agrifarms...), but the only really big edits on the plantation issue were in 53. The section of text that was changed:

“Why isn’t there any Enervation in the other plantations?” I asked.

“No idea. They were all underground Stable-Tec testbeds for stable orchards and gardens, built to pretty similar designs and without full stable shielding. If there was Enervation in the area, it shouldn’t just be hitting one hard and leaving the others almost untouched. The only difference is that that plantation was leased to some other company. Roseluck Agrifarms. We sent in some robots to look around both the surface structures and the plantation itself, but there were turrets that stopped them from getting deep enough to be useful. In the end, we just gave up and walled off the tunnels to it.”

Roseluck Agrifarms. I’d heard that name before.

I don't think that there ought to be anything problematic in that.

[O. Hinds]

And of course, you know that we never have arguments about whether one of Somber's ideas fits with the universe. Though she seemed to go back and forth on that in the thread, from what I read. The general impression I got is that we're bad editors who promote bad ideas (like the ridiculous notion that "towards" is a word and all those dictionaries aren't lying) and that he's bad for letting us to that instead of simultaneously reigning us in and listening to us more. I think. I started skimming once the general tone became apparent.

[Somber]

There's a lot of entanglements.

In other news, one of my students gave me the crud.

Bleugh... stupid students... why you make me sick...?

[O. Hinds]

75! Sort of! Part one, at least! :D

[joltius]

75!  Sort of!  Part one, at least!  :D

New chapter, new work. I thought Somber will newer finish it.

[joltius]

This chapter was getting really, really long and it's been a long time since the last release, so we decided to break it up and release much of it now.
Hopefully the second half will be out within the next two or three weeks.

Too fast, you could wait a bit and release it by one piece. And, will the ch76 be the last one, or we should expect one more chapter?

[Icy Shake]

This chapter was getting really, really long and it's been a long time since the last release, so we decided to break it up and release much of it now.
Hopefully the second half will be out within the next two or three weeks.

I'm frankly not surprised this happened. I was wondering how just two chapters could get to the end of the story from where things had left off.

Sadly, I'll need to be up early tomorrow, so no starting now. But hey, plans for the afternoon are good, too.

[O. Hinds]

Too fast, you could wait a bit and release it by one piece. And, will the ch76 be the last one, or we should expect one more chapter?

...You think our releases are too fast?
We're currently expecting 76 to be the last one, yes, though with an epilogue after.

[O. Hinds]

Well, I'm not sure I'd say "mostly" there.

[joltius]

Too fast, you could wait a bit and release it by one piece. And, will the ch76 be the last one, or we should expect one more chapter?

...You think our releases are too fast?
We're currently expecting 76 to be the last one, yes, though with an epilogue after.

Not all releases, but release of this chapter. Why split chapter if it can be released solid? Readers can whate for few weeaks, it's not that hard.
It's good to hear, that 76-th may be the last one, and epilogue is not a chapter it's an epilogue.

[O. Hinds]

They've already been waiting a while, though, and this would be a pretty long chapter if released as a single one.

[joltius]

They've already been waiting a while, though, and this would be a pretty long chapter if released as a single one.

The bigger, the better. The longer chapter is, the longer you can read it, the more joy you get in process. Basically, I like chapters in, at least, 60K words, and the 90k word chapters is my favorite ones.

[O. Hinds]

There are benefits to long chapters, yes, but long chapters also take more resources to read in single sittings.

[WavemasterRyx]

*nuzzles Somber and Hinds each just barely*

I hope you all are able to enjoy yourselves at Everfree Northwest, and I wish you the best of luck with the patreon, sir.

Chapter 75a Commentary:

[Harmony Ltd.]

commentary, kinda:

[O. Hinds]

I hope you all are able to enjoy yourselves at Everfree Northwest, and I wish you the best of luck with the patreon, sir.

Thanks.

[Evilgidgit]

Spoiler:

[WavemasterRyx]

After sleeping on it, I realized I had a little more to say.

Chapter 75a Commentary Addendum:

[O. Hinds]

Reply to Ryx:

[WavemasterRyx]

Reply to Ryx:

Spoiler:

[O. Hinds]

Reply to Ryx:

Spoiler:

Well, he was given pause for a moment, at least.

[Icy Shake]

Man, 25,000 words already? Good call, splitting it.

Chapter Seventy Five Part One Running Thoughts:

Chapter Seventy Five Part One Overall Thoughts:

Chapter Seventy Five Part One Editing:

Thank you for one wild ride, Somber and team. That was something. Guess things could have gone worse.
Hope that the medical issues will clear soon, and that the move will work out. Wow, I feel spent. And I don't think it's entirely due to waking up way earlier than I've liked . . . or even needed to.

[O. Hinds]

@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you.

"gearwork working" is a little awkward, maybe "gearwork spinning", "gearwork laboring", or "engaged", even "running" or "ticking"?

It now reads "I turned my hoof from side to side, seeing through gaps in the plate armor the intricate gearwork within, listening to it whir and click softly inside my limb.".

also iffy on Snails.

Aye, but I'm not sure what to do about that; sorry.

rewrite so the consecutive quotes aren't like that? e.g.
Returning to her own voice as the ship rattled and hummed around her, she murmured, ". . ."

Aye, I'm aware that it sounds a bit awkward, but I'm afraid that to me, your proposed fix (and all the other fixes I've thought of) sound significantly more awkward; sorry.  Do you think it's a major problem?

Okay, so I take the first to mean that the Tempest as a whole is spinning clockwise (and assume that that's constant, not reversed at some point, since that seems like it'd be a problem for it). That means that the whole Raptor would be jolted to the left when it contacted, and the stuff not bolted down would go right.

Wow, thank you very much!  I'm afraid that I forgot/didn't think to consider that at all.
(I did worry about which direction Tom was moving across the sky, though, and hopefully the one currently in is right.)

"Instead" shouldn't be capitalized

Actually, the "Maybe" shouldn't be there, sorry.

I'm not sure "Detergent" should be capitalized

"Abronco Detergent" has appeared twice before in the story, it seems, with "Detergent" capitalized both times.  Ought this one stay capitalized, then, or ought the prior two be made lowercase?

I like it.

:)

Oh hell that's an awesome way to go out.

Also :)

Psalmhoof

:D

May need to add " allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"Crumpets" to that list of people you're asking forgivess of, Psalm.

Oh dear, that glitch is back?

That's two words . . .

Oops, thanks.

Sorry, but the hell? The de-facto head of a group defined by being orphans is using "motherless" as an insult? Oooo-kaaay . . .

Oh.  Yes, point.  Hm...
Right, I've changed it to just "striped fuckers".

Was it always that way? Why would it be linked to the PipBuck? I get the thoughts and feelings via moonstone connection, or alternatively as something from Luna, but the PipBuck thing seems weird to me. May need to check that out later and see if that applied before.

Well, remember that this is Blackjack using her her body with Luna's soul in it to access her body with her own soul but no mind to use the latter's exposure to the moon and a malfunctioning Perceptitron.  When they're no longer on the moon, no less.  It's somewhat amazing that it works at all and is probably the result of a variety of different magics smashing merrily into each other.

And I don't think it's entirely due to waking up way earlier than I've liked . . . or even needed to.

Oh, sorry about that.

[Harmony Ltd.]

wavemasterryx:

If that helps, you're not alone there.

[Icy Shake]

@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you.

*snip*

also iffy on Snails.

Aye, but I'm not sure what to do about that; sorry.

You're welcome.
That one's not a big deal, and can be pretty much covered by the heading "well, Blackjack isn't perfectly precise" or "see also: calling it a blank."

rewrite so the consecutive quotes aren't like that? e.g.
Returning to her own voice as the ship rattled and hummed around her, she murmured, ". . ."

Aye, I'm aware that it sounds a bit awkward, but I'm afraid that to me, your proposed fix (and all the other fixes I've thought of) sound significantly more awkward; sorry.  Do you think it's a major problem?

Not really. One alternative is separating each faux-character into their own paragraph, like they were different. But that would dilute the impression some, I think. If there's not a good transition, it's probably best to just leave it as-is.

Okay, so I take the first to mean that the Tempest as a whole is spinning clockwise (and assume that that's constant, not reversed at some point, since that seems like it'd be a problem for it). That means that the whole Raptor would be jolted to the left when it contacted, and the stuff not bolted down would go right.

Wow, thank you very much!  I'm afraid that I forgot/didn't think to consider that at all.
(I did worry about which direction Tom was moving across the sky, though, and hopefully the one currently in is right.)

It's kind of fun when there's a chance to catch things like those. (Sorry.)  
I was thinking about Tom's approach myself. I think it's fine due to the miss, but I took the Legate's plan to suggest that he figured it would make a near-tangent impact with Hoofington due to thinking horizontal well or something. Honestly doesn't make sense to me anymore. Point is, the whole getting caught in the well is a little confusing to me, since I figured that Horizons was supposed to work even if the Core was intact, so why would a well of any sort slow it down more? But I'm probably just thinking about it from the wrong perspective in some way.

I'm not sure "Detergent" should be capitalized

"Abronco Detergent" has appeared twice before in the story, it seems, with "Detergent" capitalized both times.  Ought this one stay capitalized, then, or ought the prior two be made lowercase?

Ugh, should have looked that up. It goes to the issue of if the product's name is "Abronco Detergent" or "Abronco," which is being used as an adjective to describe "detergent." I'd assumed that the former wouldn't happen, but looking at the real world (I don't suggest it) it looks like it does, as with Ajax Laundry Detergent and Ajax Dishwashing Liquid. So either way is good as long as they're consistent.
TL,DR: Keep them as-is since there's no good reason to change them. Sorry.

I like it.

:)

Well, something has to explain how high-stealth characters can just walk around unseen in the middle of the street, in broad daylight.  

May need to add " allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"Crumpets" to that list of people you're asking forgivess of, Psalm.

Oh dear, that glitch is back?

What is even the hell . . . ?  

Was it always that way? Why would it be linked to the PipBuck? I get the thoughts and feelings via moonstone connection, or alternatively as something from Luna, but the PipBuck thing seems weird to me. May need to check that out later and see if that applied before.

Well, remember that this is Blackjack using her her body with Luna's soul in it to access her body with her own soul but no mind to use the latter's exposure to the moon and a malfunctioning perceptitron.  When they're no longer on the moon, no less.  It's somewhat amazing that it works at all and is probably the result of a variety of different magics smashing merrily into each other.

*feels dumb*
I forgot about the malfunctioning Perceptitron triggering the effect . . .

And I don't think it's entirely due to waking up way earlier than I've liked . . . or even needed to.

Oh, sorry about that.

Eh, not your fault. Well, the good part was, yours and the rest of the team's, anyway. For the bad, well, I needed to remove the stuff I had blocking light from my east-facing window because my landlord was bringing people in to see the apartment, and I thought I'd see how I'd do without since replacing it would be a bit of a project. Didn't do great, but if it persists I can just take stopgap measures for a few weeks.

[O. Hinds]

That one's not a big deal, and can be pretty much covered by the heading "well, Blackjack isn't perfectly precise" or "see also: calling it a blank."

Not really. One alternative is separating each faux-character into their own paragraph, like they were different. But that would dilute the impression some, I think. If there's not a good transition, it's probably best to just leave it as-is.

Ah, thanks.

It's kind of fun when there's a chance to catch things like those. (Sorry.)

No problem.  :)

I was thinking about Tom's approach myself. I think it's fine due to the miss, but I took the Legate's plan to suggest that he figured it would make a near-tangent impact with Hoofington due to thinking horizontal well or something. Honestly doesn't make sense to me anymore. Point is, the whole getting caught in the well is a little confusing to me, since I figured that Horizons was supposed to work even if the Core was intact, so why would a well of any sort slow it down more? But I'm probably just thinking about it from the wrong perspective in some way.

I don't know; sorry.

TL,DR: Keep them as-is since there's no good reason to change them. Sorry.

No problem.
It is in one instance referred to as "Abronco laundry detergent", but since Abronoco Detergent could be described as that, I don't think it's a problem.

What is even the hell . . . ?

Yeah, I thought that the forum stopped doing that a while ago.  It's something to do with that particular way of inserting videos, I think, but I'm not sure exactly what.

*feels dumb*
I forgot about the malfunctioning Perceptitron triggering the effect . . .

Ah, sorry.
Though there does appear to be a typo in my post there (lowercase "Perceptitron"); I'll edit to fix it.

Good luck with your apartment-showing stuff.

[decumos]

Storm Chaser:

[ILM126]

Note: I am still reading, just found this...

“Eh, could be worse,” Rainbow replied as she dumped Storm Chaser across his back

her?

Never mind... Read the paragraph again... :P

[decumos]

Note: I am still reading, just found this...

“Eh, could be worse,” Rainbow replied as she dumped Storm Chaser across his back

her?

Isn't she reffering to Chicanery?

Oh, never mind)

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