[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Icy Shake wrote:
Gotta remember to differentiate between sex scene and clop: the level of detail there would easily fall under an R rating, and maybe even PG-13 during certain time periods and with a friendly panel at the MPAA. Somber has, at various points and in my opinion, done well at presenting hot without presenting graphic to a degree even particularly near the fuzzy border between non-porn and porn (the Rarity/Vanity memory to a lesser extent, and greater in, say, the first BJ/Glory bondage scene or BJ/Lancer at the Society, or even that time when BJ walked in on Stygius/Psychoshy in the hospital at Meatlocker). And one of the key points there is that it's not all about the sex, but the context and what's going through the characters' heads.
I think if you exchange the word clop for porn you'd probably find what constitutes pornography varies from person to person. As a kid I did spend some time looking at cinemax late at night and I think the softcore porn you find there is probably equivalent to some of the scenes in PH, and those things were rated TV-MA the same rating shows like south park would be. I think movie ratings don't apply here. I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn't consider the movies on cinemax pronography but at the same time find someone who would consider every episode of southpark to be. Or even the majority of them, yes southpark is crass and contains the occasional sex scene but I wouldn't call it porn.
Guest- Guest
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
This story isn't meant for children anyway so
Shady- Colt/Filly
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Legat aims at BJ, not in Glory.
Even if he can not change target after start, he must programm rocket air blast at an altitude of equal to the balefire bomb damage radius. (5..10 km, I suppose).
This protect him from being a melted into the stone, and give him an extra chance to intercept BJ rocket. ((2-math.sqrt(2))*math.sqrt(damage_radius/Rocket_Acceleration)~11 extra seconds (for damage_radius= 10 km, Rocket_Acceleration=3*g) ).
PS
Merry Grav-Mass!
Even if he can not change target after start, he must programm rocket air blast at an altitude of equal to the balefire bomb damage radius. (5..10 km, I suppose).
This protect him from being a melted into the stone, and give him an extra chance to intercept BJ rocket. ((2-math.sqrt(2))*math.sqrt(damage_radius/Rocket_Acceleration)~11 extra seconds (for damage_radius= 10 km, Rocket_Acceleration=3*g) ).
PS
Merry Grav-Mass!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Hey, may I ask something?
I've recently been re-watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and re-reading the manga for certain reasons. As we know, there are several elements in Project Horizons that Somber got an inspiration for from that anime and manga. Because of that, I wanted to ask about a certain similarity between the two that I had just now noticed:
The tunnels under Hoofington and the underground tunnels around Amestris and the Central.
Was it ever explained just why there are so many tunnels under Hoof? I recall Rainbow Dash mentioning something about it... or was it just about the Core? I was just wondering if they are gonna play one more significant part before the end. I know it seems unlikely, given where the action had moved to now, but I'm just curious.
I've recently been re-watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and re-reading the manga for certain reasons. As we know, there are several elements in Project Horizons that Somber got an inspiration for from that anime and manga. Because of that, I wanted to ask about a certain similarity between the two that I had just now noticed:
The tunnels under Hoofington and the underground tunnels around Amestris and the Central.
Was it ever explained just why there are so many tunnels under Hoof? I recall Rainbow Dash mentioning something about it... or was it just about the Core? I was just wondering if they are gonna play one more significant part before the end. I know it seems unlikely, given where the action had moved to now, but I'm just curious.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Borsuq wrote:Hey, may I ask something?
I've recently been re-watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and re-reading the manga for certain reasons. As we know, there are several elements in Project Horizons that Somber got an inspiration for from that anime and manga. Because of that, I wanted to ask about a certain similarity between the two that I had just now noticed:
The tunnels under Hoofington and the underground tunnels around Amestris and the Central.
Was it ever explained just why there are so many tunnels under Hoof? I recall Rainbow Dash mentioning something about it... or was it just about the Core? I was just wondering if they are gonna play one more significant part before the end. I know it seems unlikely, given where the action had moved to now, but I'm just curious.
I seem to recall one explanation being that it was for transferring of materials/personnel without the threat of air raids. Of course, it could all be part of the whole plan to awaken the eater.
Technowolf- Stallion/Mare
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
They were built to transport supplies and materials without worry of tracks being damaged by sabotage or weather.Borsuq wrote:Hey, may I ask something?
I've recently been re-watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and re-reading the manga for certain reasons. As we know, there are several elements in Project Horizons that Somber got an inspiration for from that anime and manga. Because of that, I wanted to ask about a certain similarity between the two that I had just now noticed:
The tunnels under Hoofington and the underground tunnels around Amestris and the Central.
Was it ever explained just why there are so many tunnels under Hoof? I recall Rainbow Dash mentioning something about it... or was it just about the Core? I was just wondering if they are gonna play one more significant part before the end. I know it seems unlikely, given where the action had moved to now, but I'm just curious.
Silver136- Ursa Minor
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Yeah, I recall that, but I meant if mayby Cogs or Orion had mentioned something when talking about Tokomare or something, that there was another purpose to them.
- Spoiler for FMA:B:
- The underground tunnels in FMA:B were used as a nation-wide human transmutation circle to harvest the souls of its inhabitants and trap God/Truth iside of the main villain during a solar eclipse.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
The Eater uses star metal rings to draw souls to itself. The metro tunnels were just metro tunnels, though I believe they had rings in them just like every other structure in the Hoof.Borsuq wrote:Yeah, I recall that, but I meant if mayby Cogs or Orion had mentioned something when talking about Tokomare or something, that there was another purpose to them.So, you know, seeing how the Soul Eater draws soul to itself...
- Spoiler for FMA:
The underground tunnels in FMA:B were used as a nation-wide human transmutation circle to harvest the souls of its inhabitants and trap God/Truth iside of the main villain during a solar eclipse.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Shameless self quote but why is my .gif not movingShady wrote:This story isn't meant for children anyway so
Shady- Colt/Filly
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Oh how interesting! *rubs hooves in anticipation if new plot developments*
Blue Heron- Colt/Filly
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
O. Hinds wrote:Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
That's hilarious.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
To the person (or possibly people) who downvoted:
Sorry. If it helps, we've not decided that she's not interested in mares, just that she's not exclusively interested in mares.
Sorry. If it helps, we've not decided that she's not interested in mares, just that she's not exclusively interested in mares.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
RUINED FOOREEEVAAAARR!11!O. Hinds wrote:Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
She was my favourite lesbian. Now she is just another pony of indeterminate sexual orientation. JUMPED THE SHARK!11111
PS: Wait, who was Crumpets again?
CD- Earth Pony
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well I was going to make a joke about losing out on the opportunity for a "following orders" fic between her and Strawberry...
That's a rather sad thing to be downvoted about though.
That's a rather sad thing to be downvoted about though.
WavemasterRyx- Hydra
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
WHAT FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Hinds wrote:Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
Still best pone.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, I don't think it'll inconvenience me*, but it seems like it could be inconvenient for her. Having to make that kind of change on short notice and all.O. Hinds wrote:Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
*And I'm probably more inconvenienced than most . . . :p
Extra hilarious.Derpmind wrote:
That's hilarious.
CD wrote:RUINED FOOREEEVAAAARR!11!O. Hinds wrote:Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
She was my favourite lesbian. Now she is just another pony of indeterminate sexual orientation. JUMPED THE SHARK!11111
PS: Wait, who was Crumpets again?
Again!? What have all these sharks done to Project Horizons to deserve this!? And why even bother ruining everything forever at this point? You're just making the rubble bounce!
Re PS: One of the Trottingham Steel Rangers, basically the second in command and the more serious foil to Stronghoof. Yellow-brown earth pony, crumpet cutie mark, freckles. Used to have a smooth British accent similar to Octavia's, but it's moved to be more Cockney since then (suggested explanations range from my thought that Hoofington sucks all the good things out of the world, to Hinds's (I think) suggestion that she used to try to sound posh, but Hoofington is such a shithole it just didn't seem worth it).
PPS: *hears whispering* What? That was potentially just a joke? Since when do jokes happen here?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
And she's best pone.Icy Shake wrote:Re PS: One of the Trottingham Steel Rangers, basically the second in command and the more serious foil to Stronghoof. Yellow-brown earth pony, crumpet cutie mark, freckles. Used to have a smooth British accent similar to Octavia's, but it's moved to be more Cockney since then (suggested explanations range from my thought that Hoofington sucks all the good things out of the world, to Hinds's (I think) suggestion that she used to try to sound posh, but Hoofington is such a shithole it just didn't seem worth it).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
It's okay. I completely forgot about this factoid anyways.O. Hinds wrote:Retcon notification:
We have modified Chapter 57; Crumpets is no longer a lesbian. If you see anything in the story still indicating that Crumpets is a lesbian, please inform us. Thank you, and we apology for any inconvenience this may cause.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, it is a pretty horrible thing to change. I mean, the story's downright homophobic aside from Crumpets!O. Hinds wrote:To the person (or possibly people) who downvoted:
Sorry. If it helps, we've not decided that she's not interested in mares, just that she's not exclusively interested in mares.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
:)Ryx wrote:Well I was going to make a joke about losing out on the opportunity for a "following orders" fic between her and Strawberry...
Eh, if people get annoyed, they get annoyed. Myself, I don't think that the change was strictly necessary, but Somber does.Ryx wrote:That's a rather sad thing to be downvoted about though.
...Oh, indeed?Icy Shake wrote:*And I'm probably more inconvenienced than most . . . :p
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I thought he said that that cleanliness was necessary, though?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Hey, did anyone else see the chapter name change as well as the quote? Just asking.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Hurrah! Let the bed ridden sick man be entertained by a late night binge reading!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
BEGUN, IT HAS.
Unfortunately, I have to be at work early tomorrow, so I cannot commence the readings yet. Sadface.
Unfortunately, I have to be at work early tomorrow, so I cannot commence the readings yet. Sadface.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
...And there goes my sleep tonight.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
- Spoiler:
- So once again I read through all the peeks into the respective groups, getting the scope on their operations, watching the tension build. And just as the story is about to go positively Moonraker on us, cliffhanger! Nrrrggghh! I wanna see Blackjack being awesome! I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!
So in short, a whole night's rest wasted. And I feel no regret.
CD- Earth Pony
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
*nuzzles Somber and Hinds each just barely*
I'm sorry things have been going so badly for you, Somber, sir. I keep hoping they'll get better...
For how sad it was, it was a very well written chapter still.
I'm sorry things have been going so badly for you, Somber, sir. I keep hoping they'll get better...
For how sad it was, it was a very well written chapter still.
- Chapter 72 Commentary:
As expected, an extremely sad opening...
P-21 trying to explain weightlessness was kinda cute in its own way, as "Daddy, you have to try this!"
It's a very interesting combination of ponies with Mare Do Well. Poor Steel... I wonder if he was that one pony that was freaking out while Blackjack and Chicanery were sneaking in.
Scotch trying to connect to Glory through the perceptron was very sad... at least the rest of the time she spent in it was alright.
The entire conversation between P-21 and Blackjack is very sad. It was very kind of him to take care of her afterwards, but the fact that he didn't enjoy it really hurts.
I'm very torn between being more sad or proud that P-21 doesn't want to know what his cutie mark is...
Goodbye, Big Daddy.
"'I think not, Paladin Crumpets,'" Steelhooves said. 'Once you’re recovered, you’re more than welcome to join...' - Should be Stronghoof? Unless she's hallucinating, which I actually thought was the case when Psalm first showed up, until I remembered...
It's a very sad scene as well, at 99.
"Um, I think this is the part where the Star Maiden would tell Miss Rarity and Tiara to get a room..." - A cute line. The four of them really do work well together.
The lead-up to the ending is quite sad as well, and the conversation with Cognitum and Rampage's appearance really finalizes the feeling like everything is falling apart.
Last edited by WavemasterRyx on Mon Dec 29, 2014 5:57 am; edited 2 times in total
WavemasterRyx- Hydra
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, let's hear it for vacation giving me the opportunity to get this done on publication night like in the old days.
- Chapter Seventy Two Running Thoughts:
- He glanced at me, and in his eyes was another tie between us: I know what it’s like to lose somepony you love right before your eyes.
Still the uncomfortable fact that one of those times Blackjack was on the killing side. Also the one with Sanguine and Priest.
This was worse than Lacunae. At least with Lacunae I could feel like it had been for a greater good.
I feel like this is another of those cases where Blackjack is so deep in her feeling that she's not (just as herself) important or worthy of sacrifice on the part of others, that she's missing that Glory gave her life not only for her, but everyone Blackjack is working to save now as well.
My hoof brushed against a rough burr on the otherwise smooth metal around the porthole, and I glanced down in dull curiosity. ‘For Tarot. May she see the future.’ I ran my hoof back and forth over the words. Marigold had been here in this very rocket.
Pony names: how do they work?
Scotch Tape bumped against my back. “Blackjack,” she said in delicate tones. “I’m sorry…”
“She’s not dead,” I contradicted, not taking my eyes off the stars.
Denial is the best first response. And has certainly never hurt Blackjack or the people around her before.
“And they’re not being used as weapons. That’s all I asked,” Velvet said, still looking a touch disturbed.
Are you goddamn shitting me?
“That’s doing better? Lying to them?” Velvet Remedy asked, clearly unimpressed.
I'd probably be more inclined to take this seriously if I hadn't just read the line I quoted above. Given a choice between Velvet's principles and Goldenblood's cynicism, I find it hard to side with the one that doesn't even allow for asking the alicorns whether they'd like to be "used as weapons" against an enemy that isn't even alive. Of course, if they happened to desecrate Goldenblood's cottage where they lived together, she might change her mind.
“Actually, yes. He's an outstanding fighter, but he makes a piss-poor general. With the forces he commands, he should be able to annihilate us with ease. . . . Instead, he’s encapsulated the entire city and is making a single uniform ground and air advance.”
And, General Chaser, perhaps you should consider, as the superior general, whether he might have some ulterior motive for executing what appears to be a poor plan.
It’s not warfare so much as crude attrition.
Umm . . . that's a kind of warfare, and one that was used extensively in Hoofington two hundred years ago.
The blue huffed and rolled her eyes. “The Goddess is not pleased with being used as a projector!”
“You’re not the Goddess, Bubblegum. Remember?” Velvet reminded the alicorn kindly. The alicorn’s blue ears folded, and she dropped her eyes.
This got a smile from me.
He might be performing some kind of complicated feint, but I’m just not seeing it. Since we're screwed if he really is up to something, I'll bank on him being as stupid as he seems. I’ll take a strong but stupid opponent over a weak but intelligent one any day
Okay, making me feel better about your perception and handling of the situation. However, I'm still thinking in terms of it looking like he's bottled a bunch of people in the area, and is looking to make a sacrifice like the one the Starkatteri did so long ago.
“Thank the Goddesses for that,” Velvet murmured. “I hate war.”
“I don’t,” the General said grimly, getting a dirty look from Velvet. “Oh, don’t mistake me. I don’t love it either. I respect war. . . . So I look upon it as a hurricane: it’s terrible to be in, but it clears the skies after its passing.”
Or, alternatively, you could have just reminded her what the alternative is.
I pushed the helmet back enough to see him cradling her, holding her in his hooves as he talked too softly for me to hear. A younger me would have listened in. Instead, I entered in another PipBuck tag, and the world went swirling away once more.
To surreptitiously listen in on other people's conversations. :D
Suddenly she... or a very unfortunate stallion... flipped vertical, hooves and wings spread wide, abruptly braking in the air.
Eh . . . found that one a little distracting.
“I swear, he was adopted,” Calamity grumbled, shaking his head.
Also, he's (Windsheer) dropped his heavy, apostrophe-laden accent. Maybe they're connected. Or . . . changeling!
“I don’t have a penis, by the way,” said the one on the left, Steel. “Just so you know,” he added in a buzzing synthetic voice.
Uh . . . thanks for sharing, I guess. Relevant, why, exactly? This is the second time this has come up in maybe two pages.
“You’re assuming... and I am praying to whatever fickle demon of communication technology... that they didn’t just chuck the original components off the platform to get them out of the way.”
But how do you expect the prayers to reach it if you don't have magic smoke incense to carry it? Has so much been lost to the ages?
“It’s probably because her PipBuck was damaged. You weren’t in a hurting body. Something must have gone wrong with the Perceptitron and it fed back into you,” he said firmly, the voice of authority.
Because as we all know, PipBucks are much less durable than squishy, squishy ponies.
For a moment, silence reigned... and then Scotch Tape blurted, “Oh man! I have a penis!”
Is this going to be a running joke in this chapter? We're on three now, I think.
He stared straight into my eyes, and said evenly, “I want you to take care of Scotch Tape if I die. Make sure she lives.”
I guess that's out in the open, but wasn't it kind of assumed? Then again, maybe it's better if nothing else to try to ease Blackjack into the idea that he could really die, too. Seeing how well she's handled Glory so far.
He shook his head slowly. “How is it you can have an almost identical reaction as a filly almost half your age?”
Because she's only recently been growing into any maturity, would really rather not have a lot of the responsibility she does, and is falling back on that as a coping mechanism?
“No,” I said flatly, trying to jerk my hoof free… and sending me straight into his embrace. Damn cheating anti-gravity. “I won’t. You’re both going to live, no matter what. And when this is through, I’m going to teach you both the fine art of cheating death.” I gazed into his eyes, feeling tears return and seeing them reflected in his. “You… are… all of you are… not… you’re not…”
It does hurt to see her like this. But sometimes someone needs to pay the price, and it's not just the ones who die.
This Gemini girl could give Rampage a run for her crazy, but I think she’s casting two spells at once.
So a different spin on the twin thing.
And P-21 made it all go away in a way that only he could, and for once, I was glad I was so easy to placate.
Welcome to the 10,000 mile-high club. Also, I guess he's gotten over his nausea.
“That’d be nice. Sex with a stallion just... is better. It feels right to me. It’s not the sex... that’s not that different. It’s the smell and the feel and the touch and... just... everything attached to the sex. And it’s nice to be on bottom with a good stallion taking care of you.”
“Sorry I can’t take care of that for you,” I said with a little flush. “Twilight doesn’t have that in her book of magic spells, or I would.”
Well, I'll just assume she was responding to the whole thing, not just the last sentence.
Suddenly she cried out, “Ah! It’s in my eye! Get it out!” She shrieked, rubbing her face frantically.
Even knowing it was coming . . . yeah, got me laughing.
I didn’t think she’d really gotten some... I mean it wasn’t acidic or anything!
Well, no. It's mildly basic.
Really, this couldn’t be the first time...
On a roll. Also, I love that that's the way she's thinking.
“Takes one to know one, don’t it, Bro?” Toaster chuckled as he put a hoof around Candlewick’s neck and pulled him into a chokehold.
Ugh, this guy.
“Remember, Bro. You and me get out alive. That’s it. Once we take out these cyberstripes, you burn them. Burn them good. We’ll be the last ones standing on the heap of ashes.”
“That’s Big Daddy you’re talking about, Toaster!” Candlewick hissed.
“Shhh!” Toaster retorted
Candlewick, can you please just, at long fucking last, pony up and stab this fucker in the back?
I mean, come on, a fuck's fine, but we're talking about FIRE! Burning your enemies! Past allies! General areas! Turn up the HEAT! Rain down the napalm and boil the earth! Yeah! Woo!” Candlewick gritted his teeth, and Toaster stopped. “Bro? Fire?”
Seriously, you don't want to work for this guy. Can't rely on him not deciding you're next. Also, if I recall correctly, Candlewick, you don't even like fire.
Gorgon, Deus, Grim, Blitz... they might be gone, but I just know that Candlewick, Dazzle, and Storm Front will shine all the brighter
Eh, nice speech, but color me skeptical.
Silver flashed, and a lance of searing pain pierced the dragonhide he wore and plunged straight into his chest. The unicorn twisted the blade and withdrew it, blood pouring out his side and rushing up his throat as the glittering, impossibly sharp blade flashed for his spine in the grip of the unicorn’s magic.
I guess Blackjack's unique weapon isn't quite so distinct anymore.
The trio flashed behind him, two firing rounds into his rear as the third made for the curtain. Stronghoof’s nostrils flared. “Oh, so you are that kind of fiend, eh? Well then, look upon–”
I suddenly have a very bad feeling about this.
Then the blade sliced neatly through the lock atop his head. His eyes popped wide as he watched the length of perfect golden curly mane tumble through the air. Then they flattened in cold rage. “You dare defile the golden lock of my ancestors, a masterpiece of equine maneosity?!” he bellowed as he rose on his hindlegs and flexed.
I have just headcanoned that Rarity came from a branch on the Stronghoof family tree that had gone civilian and middle/working class.
The unicorn stabbed the blade deep into his gut.
Yeah, something like that was what I was worried about.
“Oooh,” Stronghoof winced, and then his unarmored body moved in a flash, his forehoof swinging upwards with such force that, when it caught the unicorn on the chin, her head impacted with the solid stone above.
Okay, I'd thought that he only had his helmet off until now. But I guess a speed boost would be helpful for him.
“Stronghoof... please...” Crumpets begged. “Don’t... don’t send me away.” Both of them stared at her with uncertainty, and I could feel her cheeks burn as she added sharply, “I mean, you need me, sir! Otherwise, you’d be distracted by your own damned sparkles.”
So this is why she's no longer a lesbian. I'm okay with this.
“Boo?!” Scotch Tape gasped, and I froze. “What is she... wait... no, Boo, Blackjack isn’t here!” Scotch paused a moment. “It’s me. Scotch. We’re in the rocket!”
Neat. From Discord's direct presence, or just a blank thing?
Instead, this was just a healthy mare’s body wrapped up in a suit of stealth barding that was a little bit more snug than I was comfortable… actually, it was perfectly snug. Just in all the wrong ways.
Shipping everywhere.
“Tiara always said there wasn’t something quite right about him,” Silver Spoon muttered as they grudgingly followed.
In fairness, necromancy is a different not-quite-right than being slow.
Snails glowered. "Miss Rarity would tell her to take that back!"
"Well, Tiara would tell her to make her!"
Now I just have to imagine that this happens all the time. And it's great.
“You suck! And you, you stupid blank flanks! And you! And you totally suck!” she shrieked over and over again as she lobbed balls of radioactive death powered by more than two centuries of pent-up spite.
Well, they are blank-flanks, aren't they?
Beyond the kind of radical cyberization that brought me back from the dead the first time around, I doubted there was anything anypony could do for them at this point.
Now, there is a radical cyberizer right there, but especially right now I'm not sure it'd be a great idea. Also, might not fix the problem of ongoing exposure.
The suit ‘screamed’ in pain, “Owie!” The blades, which should have cut right through her legs, had stopped after cutting only an inch or two of fabric.
That's really thick fabric. Wonder if Stealth Suit will be okay, since I have to figure that was a starmetal blade.
“Like, why do you have an egg timer? Isn’t that, like, cannibalism or something?” Silver Spoon asked, wrinkling her nose.
Pretty good.
The unicorn stepped out from behind the tarp and gazed at them all flatly. “How are idiots like you thwarting us? How can you be impeding us at all?” Her horn glowed as she pulled the tarp off the large heap.
Because among the many things this is, it is also a comedy?
“So you say. Pity. You must have successfully commandeered a rocket, too; I doubt you’d be in range for this otherwise. Do tell me you killed the Legate for me. I’ll make you a countess if you have.”
Hello? Already a queen? That's about three steps down in a basic system that also excludes princes.
“That is how long it took for ponykind to recover from the collapse following our conflict. Five centuries of fighting off all kinds of beasts and monsters. Five centuries of losing community after community, city after city. Even our home was left behind when Celestia relocated to Canterlot.” Her voice turned even harder. “I will not let anypony keep me from protecting my subjects. Not you, the Legate, or the stars themselves will keep me from achieving my dream.”
Well, I guess you need to match the Legate's "I want to ride around the husk of the planet and devour others" with some work on making Cogs more sympathetic.
After all, what did a mare who could never die have to fear?
“Hey, Blackjack. Long time no see. You’re looking good,” Rampage said casually, the blades of her armor gleaming in the moonlight like cold stars. “Fraid I have to kill you now.”
Okay, so there'll probably be a fight in which Blackjack tries to get out how she's Twist's daughter. Should be a good start.
- Chapter Seventy Two Overall Thoughts:
- Interesting set of things happening. I like how mini-cliffhangers were worked into each segment. One downside is that the MDW group and the Xanthe-Spoon-Snails-Carrion group felt pretty similar in what they were trying to accomplish, and some of their setbacks. But that'll happen.
Not just sure what's up with Glory, but it does seem there's more room for doubt than originally thought. Really hope the new Reapers kill Toaster, and Psalm does something to help out Stronghoof, even if it's only nonviolent support. On which note, was Velvet meant to come off as self-centered, short-sighted, and hypocritical (given independent knowledge of events in FoE)? Because that's what I was getting.
Fair amount of drama and ship-teasing, and I can certainly get behind that. There were quite a few jokes that landed for me as well, and other stuff like the dynamic between Snails and Silver Spoon. On the other hand, the repeated calling out of the presence or absence of penises was kind of weird. Scotch's was fine, but I don't get why Blackjack did when she first started perceiving Rainbow, and Steel's volunteering of that information came from nowhere and as a joke landed flat for me.
The improvements in the Brood are pretty cool, but I'll admit to feeling a little bit saddened that the starmetal sword is now just one among many, or so it seems. Not much too unexpected as far as the Legate's motivation goes, but I suspect he may not be as bad of a commander as Storm Chaser believes, or is at any rate hoping. Cognitum's, in contrast, getting at least a little bit of sympathetic development with the revelation of how bad the recovery from the war of Nightmare Moon's insurrection was, and how she wants to avoid a repeat.
Then, of course, there was the three on the ship dealing with Glory's death and the possibility of their own deaths in the coming engagement. This part was good, and I thought that Blackjack's denial felt right, but of course there's only so much that can stretch to fill in the spaces between Perceptitron segments, even adding in a bit on how P-21 sees sex with Blackjack.
All in all, I'd say a pretty good chapter, but hurt a bit by the spread focus and not always much holding the segments together structurally. Don't know how it would have been better, though, given a desire to know what's going on in the Battle of Hoofington, which does seem pretty important. I look forward to the next one, especially given the cliffhanger with Rampage (even if I do think I know about how that part will go).
- Chapter Seventy Two Editing:
- [tail and mane waving as if I was underwater.
"We're falling," P-21 answered, getting an alarmed]
extra line between paragraphs
Tarot’s future had ended in a stable, and eight generations later, here I was, walking in Marigold’s hoofsteps.
"I smiled as I pulled out Vigilance. Card Trick. Tarot. Little Poker. Full House. 52 Pick-up. Straight Flush. Aces. Royal Flush. Bridge. Hearts. Gin Rummy. Go Fish."
Blackjack is ten generations after Tarot.
but all the little lightbulbs and whirly bits still lit up when I plugged it into my Pipbuck.
"PipBuck"
Over on the southeast side hovered tiny glowing raptors.
"raptors" should be capitalized
“That’s doing better? Lying to them
should have second space after quotation mark
to see if they need pegasi reinforcements.”
"pegasus"
‘Oh yeah, sure, Balefire bombs!
"Balefire" shouldn't be capitalized
firing at her as she spiralled in,
"spiraled"
hooking her hooves around the gun in its battle, gripping it
"battle saddle"?
“Woah,” came Calamity's voice as he stared on
"Whoa"
back at her tapping on her Pipbuck.
"PipBuck"
back while I worked through em...
apostrophe for "em"
Any of you have stealthbucks?”
"StealthBucks"
Anypony else have some stealthbucks?
"StealthBucks"
the cohesion of a pegasi flock that was just
"pegasus"
Below, the rapidly shrinking pegasi launched in like a
extra indentation for paragraph
edge spiralling away from the tower while
"spiraling"
Again, with that pegasi teamwork that
"pegasus"
activated their stealthbucks within a second of each other,
"StealthBucks"
Like Shadowbolt tower, the SPP towers were hollow
first "tower" should be captalized
Unlike Shadowbolt tower, the inside of
"tower" should be capitalized
challenging.” Windsheer chuckled
should have second space after quotation
ow ow ow... Ow
should have second space after ellipsis or not capitalize last "Ow"
“No,” She shook her head.
comma should be period
These zodiacs... wow...
"zodiacs" should be capitalized
I couldn't help but feel a little dirty. Like I was using
only one space after period
Toaster grinned broadly at the younger stallion, “Yeah... fucking hot, ain’t it?”
comma before quotation should be period, or speaking verb needed.
Glass em if we have to.
apostrophe for "em"
Cause of her? A fuck Filly
apostrophe for "Cause"
hole right through em and keep ripping till
apostrophe for "em"
word as he shoved and kicked the brood trying to swarm him
"brood" should be capitalized
consuming him completely. Then he bowed his head
only one space after period
see the blood leaking from their body transform into rainbow
"bodies"?
given the presence of so many injured Steel Rangers were being treated and the lack of any abused stallions
either the "were" should be deleted or it should be "who were"
In a thrice they had her laid out and a bag of blood
"trice"
Crumpets laid there for a long moment,
"lay"
There had to be at least twenty Brood at least currently busy in the room.
cut one of the "at least"s. the "currently" is kind of extraneous, too
Screaming a battlecry of "You suck!", she launched
non-directional quotation marks
Over half were ghouls, operating franticly.
"frantically"
You smell!” Silver Spoon yelled as she backed
should have only one space after quotation
It’s not as simple as ‘point the rocket at the moon’.
need closing double-quote after the period
Two lines on the moons surface ran off from the
"moon's"
“Fraid I have to kill you now.”
Apostrophe for "Fraid"
blazed as it came around the curve of the planet
extra space between "around" and "the"
hooves around the base of his wildy flapping wings
"wildly"
again as Scotch Tape ran in mid air,
"midair"
slowly turned in mid air, weightlessness
"midair"
don’t go back to the Med X. No
"Med-X"
They just... liquified?
"liquefied"
Scotch froze in the process of connecting the helmet to her Pipbuck.
"PipBuck"
Xanth swallowed hard.
"Xanthe"
I marvelled at the equine architecture, mosaics,
"marveled"
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
Brohoof! : 308
Join date : 2012-06-05
Age : 35
Location : Boston, MA
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