Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:01 pm
No worries; since we hadn't been trying to do anything fancy with text color, I just selected the whole doc and changed it to black.RoboRed wrote:There were other places besides there, but I don't have time to go back through and point them all out.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Tue Nov 04, 2014 11:25 pm
I'm glad the chapter was well written. I wish the ending could have been better. Thanks for the feedback, and thank you for those who sent bits. My apartment complex sprang a surprise fee on me when my washing machine broke. Yeah. You'd think they'd pay for the guy to come and fix it. Sigh.... u.u...
Anyway, thanks so much everyone for reading. Thanks to Icy for the line by line reading. I really appreciate it.
Also, I got robbed of my vote. Apparently the person registering people at the public library wasn't submitting ALL the registrations, just the ones that were Republican and Independant. And since the clerks office and Lt. Govenor are both republicans, it's a 'serious concern'. So even though I registered two months ago, I couldn't vote when I showed up.
I've voted every election since I turned 18. My dad said if you don't vote, you don't get the right to complain. So yeah, today was a bad day...
Anyway, thanks so much everyone for reading. Thanks to Icy for the line by line reading. I really appreciate it.
Also, I got robbed of my vote. Apparently the person registering people at the public library wasn't submitting ALL the registrations, just the ones that were Republican and Independant. And since the clerks office and Lt. Govenor are both republicans, it's a 'serious concern'. So even though I registered two months ago, I couldn't vote when I showed up.
I've voted every election since I turned 18. My dad said if you don't vote, you don't get the right to complain. So yeah, today was a bad day...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Wed Nov 05, 2014 12:08 am
I wouldn't worry; I'm pretty sure that your father must have been referring to choosing not to vote. And it's not as if vote-stealing is unexpected in America...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CD Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:08 am
Somber wrote:Also, I got robbed of my vote. Apparently the person registering people at the public library wasn't submitting ALL the registrations, just the ones that were Republican and Independant. And since the clerks office and Lt. Govenor are both republicans, it's a 'serious concern'. So even though I registered two months ago, I couldn't vote when I showed up.
I hope there are enough people who feel cheated out of their vote that you can put your weight behind, because that does not even sound legal. Especially if they do process independent voters. Heads should roll for that. Perhaps even literally. The whole district system is ugly as it is, and no party should get away with manipulating the process into an intransparant mess.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:17 am
Well the clerk's office basically told me that it's on me to register properly and if my registration gets screwed up because of a third party then bad on me.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Wed Nov 05, 2014 7:50 am
That's our Uncle Sam. Nothing is important but himself and money. Screw everybody else.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Wed Nov 05, 2014 11:37 am
Well damn...
...actually, I totally saw that coming
Here's hoping BJ can focus her grief and use it against Cogjack, otherwise she might as well shoot herself in the head and save her the trouble
...actually, I totally saw that coming
Here's hoping BJ can focus her grief and use it against Cogjack, otherwise she might as well shoot herself in the head and save her the trouble
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CD Wed Nov 05, 2014 12:22 pm
Somber wrote:Well the clerk's office basically told me that it's on me to register properly and if my registration gets screwed up because of a third party then bad on me.
Even so, it would probably pay to make a fuzz regardless. That the guilty are all pointing at each other doesn't change the fact that this was illegal and bears investigation. If others got turned away for the same reason, their accounts taken together might atract enough attention to this. You might also want to try calling ACLU or approach the media. Even if it's not going to have the desired impact, not giving a peep will only encourage more shenanigans in the future.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by JadedPony Thu Nov 06, 2014 6:02 am
Somber wrote:I'm glad the chapter was well written. I wish the ending could have been better. Thanks for the feedback, and thank you for those who sent bits. My apartment complex sprang a surprise fee on me when my washing machine broke. Yeah. You'd think they'd pay for the guy to come and fix it. Sigh.... u.u...
Anyway, thanks so much everyone for reading. Thanks to Icy for the line by line reading. I really appreciate it.
Also, I got robbed of my vote. Apparently the person registering people at the public library wasn't submitting ALL the registrations, just the ones that were Republican and Independant. And since the clerks office and Lt. Govenor are both republicans, it's a 'serious concern'. So even though I registered two months ago, I couldn't vote when I showed up.
I've voted every election since I turned 18. My dad said if you don't vote, you don't get the right to complain. So yeah, today was a bad day...
Dude, sue the state, get rich. Talk to a lawyer about a class action law suit.
I mean it wouldn't have made a difference, almost 40% of the vote was people over the age of 60 voting republicans because they were sure Obama was going to cut their medicaid and import Ebola to thin the herd before taking their guns, but considering how fucked up the system is, I would take every opportunity to raise a stink over it and get as much money as you can from them.
#TOMORROW!!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Downloaded Skill Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:19 pm
swicked wrote:I don't think I've seen anyone comment on the aerodynamics engineer zebra yet. I'm wondering if it was too obvious or not obvious-enough.
No reference to trains means it's not Hinds.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by JadedPony Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:44 pm
swicked wrote:I don't think I've seen anyone comment on the aerodynamics engineer zebra yet. I'm wondering if it was too obvious or not obvious-enough.
Personally, I'm an almost 40 year-old, statistic analysts technician. Don't feel bad if I missed your reference.
My knowledge is limited. For example: I know that the Kardashians are people who exist. I however have no idea how or why I know this, much less why it is important.
I am told this means I am, "completely out of touch with pop-culture". However I don't find myself overly distressed by my lack of knowledge on this issue, given that the only explanation the person telling me how out of touch I am could explain to me about them was that they were, "totally hot right now".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Downloaded Skill Fri Nov 07, 2014 12:25 am
From what I found it Cerynitis seems to be referring to one of the labours of Hercules. He had to capture a deer sacred to Artemis, but he couldn't hurt it because it would be sacrilege. Unless I'm missing something I don't see some clever connection. I just thought saw a male zebra with extensive rocket knowledge and thought "yeah thats probably O Hinds".
Out of curiosity what was the first one?
Out of curiosity what was the first one?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Downloaded Skill Fri Nov 07, 2014 1:34 am
I saw the Hind part, but I kind of brushed that off since there wasn't anything that would put the O in O Hinds.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Fri Nov 07, 2014 3:41 am
<span id="sceditor-start-marker" style="line-height: 0; display: none; " class="sceditor-selection sceditor-ignore"></span><span id="sceditor-end-marker" style="line-height: 0; display: none; " class="sceditor-selection sceditor-ignore"></span>
On another subject, is anyone else getting a lot of... stuff just showing up in the post boxes? Like this:
Hah! :DDownloaded Skill wrote:swicked wrote:I don't think I've seen anyone comment on the aerodynamics engineer zebra yet. I'm wondering if it was too obvious or not obvious-enough.
No reference to trains means it's not Hinds.
On another subject, is anyone else getting a lot of... stuff just showing up in the post boxes? Like this:
- Code:
<p><br></p>
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Nov 10, 2014 4:44 pm
A minor addition has been made to 71: Blackjack now attempts to destroy Vitiosus's heart and fails, confirming that it's a soul jar.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Mon Nov 10, 2014 9:36 pm
Interesting. I was kind of hoping for something more to that, I was surprised when Blackjack saw the heart then never thought of or did anything with it.O. Hinds wrote:A minor addition has been made to 71: Blackjack now attempts to destroy Vitiosus's heart and fails, confirming that it's a soul jar.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Nov 10, 2014 10:41 pm
It was an oversight, and enough people pointed it out to me that I tweaked it. She now shoots it, then tries to grab it, but it's healing around her hoof.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:31 pm
[Edit:] Yeah, I'm with swicked on that.
And here I thought the forum was dead!
Well, doesn't hurt to try to start a new conversation anyway. So, given that Glory is very, very likely dead, what are some things you'd have liked to see with her, that now probably can't happen? Here's one of mine:
The scene's at Star House, late at night. There is a pained moaning coming from downstairs. Glory wakes up to find that Blackjack isn't there (or, post-69, with tomorrow not working out, just goes down to investigate). When she comes down, she sees the noises are coming from Blackjack, who has a bunch of fairly large lacerations on her lips, and blood trickling from her mouth, sometimes a larger gout coming forth as she coughs. As Glory gets closer, she notices many of Blackjack's teeth are chipped and broken, a few missing.
Glory groans and says to herself, "Not again."
Blackjack, pupils dilated and questionably conscious of what's going on around her, murmurs "Sooo . . . goood . . . " and smiles as her eyes close.
Glory, now by her side, lifts Blackjack's head, revealing the scraps of a cyberpony cake.
"Damn it, I thought I'd gotten them all!"
And here I thought the forum was dead!
Well, doesn't hurt to try to start a new conversation anyway. So, given that Glory is very, very likely dead, what are some things you'd have liked to see with her, that now probably can't happen? Here's one of mine:
The scene's at Star House, late at night. There is a pained moaning coming from downstairs. Glory wakes up to find that Blackjack isn't there (or, post-69, with tomorrow not working out, just goes down to investigate). When she comes down, she sees the noises are coming from Blackjack, who has a bunch of fairly large lacerations on her lips, and blood trickling from her mouth, sometimes a larger gout coming forth as she coughs. As Glory gets closer, she notices many of Blackjack's teeth are chipped and broken, a few missing.
Glory groans and says to herself, "Not again."
Blackjack, pupils dilated and questionably conscious of what's going on around her, murmurs "Sooo . . . goood . . . " and smiles as her eyes close.
Glory, now by her side, lifts Blackjack's head, revealing the scraps of a cyberpony cake.
"Damn it, I thought I'd gotten them all!"
- Chapter Fifty Nine Running Thoughts:
- Boo also seemed quite impressed by the sun and stretched out her hoof as if she could nudge the glowing orb aside.
Well, considering who's involved, sure. Also, let us never forget what else likes to bat at things hanging in the air, or light sources.
I trotted over, and I noticed him leaning away a little more with every step I took. “Oh, stop. I’ve already got my curse cooties all over you,” I teased as I sat down beside him.
Those must be almost as bad as girl-cooties to P-21 after leaving the stable!
“Save your breath, Maiden. I have no wish to speak with you. I hate and despise everything you are,” he growled.
Eh, heard it before. Guy fell in love with her in about a month. And Psychoshy was pretty ambivalent, and to some degree needed something to latch on to and hate.
“Father sent representatives back to the homeland to find one. We’d not made more than a dozen before the spells struck. If we’d had another year…”
Yeah, I agree with Blackjack that this whole this was kind of annoying, all seeming to just prolong a stalemate with escalating stakes. I also have some sympathy for Glory's stance that they might never have existed—or, anyway, if they did, they seem to have been of limited practical effect, even where actually deployed.
“Let’s take this topic off Blackjack. You want to talk about hate?” P-21 asked casually as he stepped up towards the larger zebra. Lancer seemed surprised by P-21’s advance. “I know a thing or two about hate.
It's true, he really does.
You know what I’ve hated? I hated seeing a dozen helpless zebras, some of them children, being gunned down by a coward. I hated seeing him shoot the pony who’d saved their lives, and his, in the back. I hated and will always hate any world in which fuckers like him could get away with that.”
The man makes some good points. The unstated corollary, unfortunately, is that he hasn't changed that much from the time when he was on the side of the mob insisting Blackjack blow up the overseer at Brimstone's Fall. Which is understandable. Perhaps the bigger misfortune is that that must always be something of a wedge between him and Blackjack. But then, there's always a tension between justice and mercy.
“Blackjack might be able to forgive you. Blackjack lets go of shit that I can’t even imagine. But I don’t forgive you, Lancer.
Yeah, basically that.
“That mare that you hate so much? The one you accused of winning all the time? She’s gone through stuff that I can’t even imagine, and suffered things that I know nopony should. And she will always do what is right. Right for her friends. Right for ponies. Right for zebras. Even right for hellhounds.
Well, except that one time. And in fairness to Lancer, that itself illustrates that fear can really get the best of anyone.
“Do you… do you ever think of those you killed, Blackjack?”
Oh, you know, only all the fucking time! My friends see it as kind of a problem, and then there was that kid I thought I killed who told me it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. Or at least that she didn't expect anything better.
Trust me. You’re better off. And you and I would have had sex eventually, and that would have complicated things with Glory, and--” I started to say when he actually chuckled.
“Maiden, no offense, but your horn aside, you’re missing far too many stripes for us to ever be intimate,” he said with an actual honest smile
"That's not what you said back at the Society." *eyebrow waggle*
“Oh, really? Cause back at the Society, you didn’t seem to mind. Besides,” I said with a smirk, “ever hear of body paint?”
Ooh . . . she's good.
There are still places where the megaspells rage. A pillar of fire that wanders a shattered plain of glass, seeking out any intruders. A city that traps the minds of any who sleep within its limits in endless dreams.
I like these. Give me kind of an Arabian Nights feel, or maybe classic sci-fi.
Before the war, when the twelve and one tribes worked in unity to survive and prosper.
Uh, yeah, "twelve and one" doesn't exactly sell me on their unity.
The final two, the Logos and the Roamani, were sired in a library and on a battlefield.”
“Wait. Sired?” Glory asked skeptically. “I’m pretty sure that violates every code of conduct in every library I’ve ever been in.”
“Nah. All the best libraries have got great orgies going on,” Rampage drawled sarcastically from below. “You just have to fuck really quietly.”
Hee hee. But really, the part that bothers you is the TOS violation? Besides, this apparently happened after the other tribes; what if it was a Carnilian library?
“He claims he is Achu! Who are you to deny that, Proditori?” Lancer snapped.
“Does that mean you are Achu as well?” P-21 asked. All this talk made me want to say ‘bless you’.
“No… blood passes from mother to child, not father to child. I am Zencori.”
Well, you haven't done much with either the Zencori's storytelling (this chapter notwithstanding) or the Achu's unarmed/up-close martial arts. But then, traditions can sometimes weaken over time, especially when little things like the end of the world get in the way.
“Wait, even the evil tribe of star and moons gets a vote?” I asked, surprised.
“Of course. They are a tribe. A cursed, evil, conniving tribe that none would trust, but a tribe.
Yeah, I'm still just basking in the unity of the zebra tribes from before the war.
There were four tribes with strong candidates, and each had three votes. It was the Starkatteri who decided the election, which did the Roamani candidate no favors. Thus the Last Caesar was terribly weak when he came to power. There was even talk of breaking tradition and re-voting with only two candidates, but tradition is tradition.
Um, how exactly would you decide which two? There'd need to be an intermediate step, beyond the fact it's kind of undermining the whole voting thing if you were doing plurality first past the post anyway.
When she seized a coal shipment, it was a great insult to our people. An insult the Last Caesar used to call for war. At first, only one tribe answered him: the Roamani. They are a martial tribe, what many think of when they think of the war.
I'm sure it didn't hurt that they were the Caesar's tribe, either.
Duty and sacrifice are their creed.
Wonder if there's a connection there to Vanity's pistols.
Lancer said, speaking more now than I ever imagined he could. He had a certain rhythm and tone that was just pleasing to listen to.
Maybe he got something from his mother after all.
“When the Maiden of the Stars took over the war, the twelve tribes united. It was no longer about bruised pride; this was a war of good triumphing over evil
See, I just kind of don't get this. They were already aware that she was back, right, and free in Equestria? Why were they entirely fine with that the whole time?
“We did not try to abduct her!” he retorted. “The Mendi, Celestia, and the one mare called Flutterbye all worked to bring an end to the conflict. They were attempting to help her defect!”
Well, if that's true—and based on Celestia's actions at Shattered Hoof Ridge I'm pretty skeptical (granted, though, everyone was bad at making halfway decent plans, so maybe it was just criminally botched on the zebras' side and she backed out or something)—they didn't seem too concerned that something might happen to kill her in the process.
I couldn’t say which was true. Celestia hadn’t looked like she’d been all that willing to be taken, but the zebras also hadn’t been outright trying to kill her, from what I’d seen. I supposed the exact truth would never be known, unless somepony decided to ask Celestia’s ghost.
I really hope this doesn't happen.
I grabbed Glory and pulled her close. “Whatever you do, do NOT get out from under there. Remember what Sunset tried to pull. These guys are likely to go crazy if they see you, so stay under there, understand?”
I know it's not the kind of thing Glory likes being told, but in this case I think it's probably the right call.
“Unless you want them to drop you, shut your mouth,” the blue stallion said, then looked to me. “Trust Blackjack. She knows what she’s doing.”
Okay, that got me laughing.
“Raptor Castellanus,” I said formally as I pointed my starmetal sword at the colossal machine. “This is Captain Blackjack of the airship Fleur. Heave to and prepare to be boarded!”
Way to prove P-21 right.
“I mean, I know I told you I was going to board, but I didn’t expect you to actually let me.”
“Occasionally, the unexpected is the most expedient,” the general said as she inspected some papers on her desk.
Well, in fairness, that was about the same line of "thought" that led to the boarding threat, wasn't it?
“Prioritized by Enclave Intelligence as an alpha level threat following a megaspell discharge at Miramare Air Station.
Hey, now, I understand the confusion, but that wasn't a megaspell. Also, it wasn't directed at Neivarro Enclave at all, but the Intelligence branch.
She stared at me without comment for a long second that had my grin sliding off my face like soft tar.
That's a good simile.
Encountered the synthetic being known as Dawn and fought her and a zebra Behemoth class tank... in hoof to hoof combat?” She paused again and looked at Boomer with an arched brow. “Is that right, Corporal?”
Is this the first time she read the file? Tut tut.
Half the remaining leadership is busy pointing at anypony else to blame while covering their tails, a quarter is claiming they’re the legitimate heads of the military now, and the remainder are actually doing their jobs. I’ve got three councilors blaming me for not physically stopping the High General from going in there, or for not demanding that he take a whole Raptor squad with him.
Yeah, because losing a Raptor squad, too, to the megaspell explosion would have helped so much. Really, I get that ex ante it might have been a better move, but is that really the most important question right now?
“I’m sure if LittlePip had known you were going to come in unannounced, she… nope, actually I don’t think she could have managed it more perfectly. Maybe she might have gotten the Triumphant too. But really, she didn’t know. Unless she did know and removed that memory so the Goddess couldn’t read it… she is scary good like that.”
If she did know, and timed it so it would happen this way, well, that would either mean she could tell the future or that she planned the murder of members of the military of an unpleasant but non-hostile power, given when the memories were removed. Maybe both.
Right now, with our leadership so fractured, would be an opportune time for him to attack. Autumn Leaf will be mopping things up on the ground.
"Mopping things up" is not how I would describe what he did. Hell, what he was trying to do more closely resembled power-washing with high concentration nitric acid.
“I see your point, and I apologize. I’m just… not a soldier.”
“We’ll have to disagree on that,” Storm Chaser said with a sigh and a small frown.
Well, in one sense, I kind of agree: soldiers tend to have more of a chain of command than Blackjack operates in . . . now. Of course, the same is true of the police.
“Enclave directive 122639J demands immediate and summary execution of all parties affiliated with the intentional death of party leadership,” the blue mare said with a smug smile, her lovely face framed by her lavender and ivory mane. Her wingtip curled down and pulled a beam gun from her holster as she said coolly, “This will only take a moment.”
Indeed it would. Smash red feathers, grab her as a shield, ram the blue one, crush her head, throw red at green. Finish both if need be. Twister and Boomer looked from the general to the trio. “Don’t kill them, Blackjack,” the general snapped, making all three of them pause.
Yeah, the general knows what's up. Gotta respect that, and the coolheadedness in responding to a bad development.
“I’m going to cook you. I’m going to light your pretty little ship on fire and watch you dirtsiders burn or jump for what you did to the High General,” Afterburner said with a grin.
So, yeah, remember what Storm Chaser had said about if they were just in it to kill they weren't really different from surface raiders? Seems accurate.
Afterburner seemed like she wanted at least a few more threats and bit down hard on her sister’s wingtip. The blue pegasus just shivered and smiled, her wings poofing a little.
Because what is even the point of introducing obviously evil siblings if you aren't going to imply incest?
“They seem awfully young, and not quite what I pictured a captain in the Enclave to be,” I said delicately.
“Well bred,” Twister said sarcastically.
I see what you did there.
“They seem awfully young, and not quite what I pictured a captain in the Enclave to be,” I said delicately.
“Well bred,” Twister said sarcastically.
The kind of order you just don't get very often.
“They’re what I’m trying to prevent. The Enclave is not a clubhouse for overprivileged idiots to play with war machines.”
Well, clearly it is, but it shouldn't be.
Originally, we were going to destroy Red Eye’s army below and then call for unity. Put some of our own security in Thunderhead and winnow out the bombs. I can only hope that Autumn Leaf uses some discretion until I get finished in the east.
And how is that going to work out for you?
A little orange earth pony and a little white unicorn in my head told me to buck up and stick it out. I had to be stronger and tougher now, and while there was nothing wrong with missing her, there was no point in me tearing myself down over it. Then the pair started quibbling over if I needed to be stronger or more enduring…
Soul jars were weird.
I'm ambivalent on this, mostly the last two sentences. They seem a little intrusive, and I thought the order of orange/white and stronger/tougher covered the meta angle fine. But then I guess there's also the point that AJ and Rarity to argue a lot, and tend to think that their respective perspectives are more important than the other's. So it's character consistent, but . . . eh.
Dusk groaned, half of the dark pegasus’s head bandaged up. Given what I’d nearly done to her… The air beside me shimmered, and Glory appeared. “Oh sweet Celestia!” she said as she took the cloak off. “She should have been in a hospital. A real hospital. What happened to her?”
"I did. I told you this before, remember?"
“Who...” Dusk groaned, then looked up at Glory. “Rainbow Dash?”
“It’s me. Morning Glory,” Glory said as she moved between me and her sister.
“Buh… must be drugged…” she said weakly. “Can’t be.”
"Nope. That's it. I'm going back to sleep."
One has to wonder a great deal about an event like this. How do they eat all that caviar?
And now, since season four, shrimp! Though that's probably non-canon to FoE.
Lots of stallions compensating for… honestly, most of these folks are so rich that if they can’t afford male ‘enhancement’ spells they wouldn’t be here, but clearly there’s some reason for all the fancy frivolity.
Well, I guess that's a feature of the setting.
I’m skeptical about anything involving him, but Vanity has confirmed, if grudgingly, that this ‘Redoubt’ exists. He has stated it lies somewhere in the Hoofington region, is protected by magics far older than most, and will withstand even the strongest megaspells.
What Redoubt?
But yes, getting at least some characteristics. Hints at where it was from. Ties in with the old thing about where some of Goldenblood's funding was coming from.
May I be blunt? I know your finances are not excessive, no matter what the common slob may believe. If you wish it, I will procure additional spots for you, your sister, and your parents. I hope that you will
You're a good man, Fancy Pants. Wouldn't have worked out anyway, but damned if the offer wasn't worthwhile.
“Are you all right?” Lancer said from behind me, making me start. I needed to put a bell on him!
A lot of similarities between him and P-21 are showing up.
“Unfortunately, I am not the smartest or safest of ponies to be around. Maybe there is something to your Maiden story.”
“Perhaps. I do not know. You still scare me,” he admitted. Maybe there was something about candor that was a zebra thing.
Given that you know Sekashi . . . I'm gonna say not so much. She's pretty circumspect.
“Why did your father order you to kill them? What did your mother do?” I asked quietly.
“I…” he opened his mouth, then closed it and thought a moment. “I cannot say for certain anymore. Since that duel, nothing is certain. We were told that they were cowards who spread falsehood and lies.
Heroes who spread the truth, same difference.
“That makes no sense,” Lancer said sharply. “When I saw the stars on the door, I thought it was simple pony decoration. But this Watcher… setting the Maiden free! No zebra would do such a thing.”
No zebra . . . of the twelve tribes. No, wait. The Proditors might, or other naturalized Equestrians.
Zecora might.
“The first one was the war we all knew. Soldiers and weapons and battle and megaspells. But there was a second war being fought, too. A hidden war. Goldenblood on one side… somepony else on the other.
Not really sure that ended up being the case. Well, he did know about Amadi, at least. And at the end he was trying to fight back a bit, but for most of it, he didn't even know what was happening. Though to be fair, it's easy to assume he was involved with everything.
“Come at me, you motherfuckers!” I screamed, slamming my hooves against the window and splintering the glass. “Come on! Face me!” I yelled, rearing again and smashing my hooves till the glass shattered and cold, rainy wind blew in. “I’ll kill you! I’ll smash you to pieces!” I bellowed towards that distant green glow as I kicked again and again, knocking out the window frame in my fury. The thunder rumbled before me, and to me it was the laughter of that distant spire and my enemies. “Face me! Fight me! You Goddesses-damned motherfuckers!”
“Maiden!” Lancer shouted.
continuing, "The fuck!?"
It would be nice if my body had some kind of calm down mode.
Wasn't your issue just that it was nothing but calm down mode?
Rampage glared at Lancer and said something in zebra, then pointed her hoofclaws at her face, then at him, before she backed out. A second later, her head popped back around the doorjamb, repeated the gesture, and slowly withdrew a final time.
Shujaa likes Blackjack, I guess, and not Lancer. That or Rampage knows Zebra.
I am sick of being responsible for good ponies dying.”
"I am sick and tired of these motherfucking ponies getting motherfucking killed!" All the better that she's on an airship right now.
There were more than thirty ponies and easily a dozen brahmin.
Brahmin herders have kind of a record of being assholes in this story, don't they? Sure, it's a sample size of, what, two or three cases, but when that's all you ever see . . .
Suddenly Boo trotted out after him with that ridiculous captain’s hat on her head. What the heck was she doing? She moved right up next to him and plopped the hat atop his ears. “Boo...” I began with a helpless smile.
. . .
If Boo hadn’t fouled their shot... “Ha ha,” I said as I turned to Lancer. “You should have your cloak back.”
Cats with hats are well known for messing things up.
We never found out which of the settlers had fired the shots. A few condemned the gunfire as cowardly, but nopony gave up the shooter. There were a half dozen hunting rifles, and I couldn’t spank the owners of all six.
Why not? And if not, you could pass some off to Glory.
Any good feelings I’d had at Lancer agreeing to do better had been robbed by the muleheadedness of a bunch of bigots who couldn’t see anything wrong with killing a zebra just because he was a zebra!
I'd just like to note that this lament of racism includes a race-based insult directed at the people she's disappointed in. I love it. But probably shouldn't.
To sleep… and maybe to dream. That was the trick. For in sleep, what dreams would come?
I'm not really feeling it. I mean, the sentiment, sure, since Blackjack has a history of unpleasant dreams and all. But it doesn't feel like Blackjack's diction at all, and I'm not so sure that she'd pick up, even in distorted form, lines from Pony Shakespeare.
It was an apple tree… if an apple tree had been made to float. Where the trunk should be was an immense, swollen, oval sac much like the gasbag of the Fleur. Atop it were hundreds thin branches with filmy leaves attached. The ‘roots’ of the tree, and the fruits growing off them, acted as ballast.
I'm a little disturbed. I mean, you do what you need to, but that's kind of unsettling.
The tops of the clouds had a strange terrain to them. There were hills and valleys filled with the bizarre floating biomass. All of the plants sported some sort of gasbag. Cloud wheat was thousands of balloon-sized clumps with pale yellow grain on top and long roots on the bottom, like bobbing heads. There were cloud potatoes… that didn’t seem much different from their apples. Cloud corn was similar to wheat, except the ears all had their own bubbles to tug them upright.
For whatever reason, I don't mind these as much. Kind of cool, seeing it actually depicted.
Shadowbolt Tower.
It was utterly impossible to miss. The tower was a black hexagonal shape rising out of a massive, dark, green-lit pit of clouds. It had to be the tallest structure ever built. Each segment had talismans at every level, blinking bright blue. Shielding talismans? Levitation? Magic had to be the only way such a feat of engineering was possible. The tower didn’t taper off, it widened. The higher one gazed, the bigger and more elaborate the tower became. At the top was a massive blue dome, like a jeweled scepter. There were long, black fingers stretching out into the air, landing docks for Vertibucks, Raptors, and Thunderheads, I supposed. Where the tower started to widen, each side I could see of the hexagon bore an enormous panel decorated with the winged rainbow lightning bolts of the M.o.A.
Huge thanks to Hinds, Bro, and Hidden Fortune for getting this done in record time. Seriously. Four hours.
That is stunning. Really.
- Chapter Fifty Nine Overall Thoughts:
- This was a very talky chapter, which was nice after the continuous stream of high-stakes action from 71, or even the heaviness (and no shortage of action) of 58.
I'd say it has two real cores. The first is focused on Lancer and the zebras in general, and is heavily concentrated in the earlier parts of the chapter, but extend past the second major focus to the end as well. The other focus is on Blackjack talking with General Storm Chaser of the Neighvarro Enclave, and does more with setting up the plot of the Thunderhead arc.
Before getting to the main focus of the Lancer portion, I'll note the continued hostility P-21 feels towards Lancer: he thinks him a coward, and a weak, morally corrupt person for always following his father's orders, even to the point of murdering the dozen zebras at Brimstone's Fall, including children and his mother and sister. Moreover, he hates that it's a world where Lancer can get away with it, and though he says Blackjack may forgive Lancer, that she can forgive things he can't even imagine, P-21 doesn't. Now, the point about hating a world where Lancer can get away with that goes to show that the anger and hatred P-21 has (even where not concerning slavery or rape specifically) for the powerful who hurt the weak, nor his passion for revenge-justice, hasn't really gone away since he was on the side of the former slaves at Brimstone's Fall pushing Blackjack to execute the old overseer of the mine. And that's a definite contrast to Blackjack's focus on mercy, rehabilitation, and forgiveness, where possible.
Lancer gets to take center stage soon after, as Scotch and the rest ask about zebras, since they've never really learned much about them that wasn't from pony sources. He starts with the zebras' creation myth, in which the sun made love to the earth a dozen times, each time the earth giving birth to a tribe of zebras. Then the moon forced himself on the earth, which gave birth to the thirteenth tribe, and after which the sun forever chased the moon through the sky that he might never repeat that. From time to time, the moon would battle the sun, making this also their eclipse myth. Later on, the twelve tribes had been getting along fine, when the thirteenth met them and tried to enslave the others, using dark magic based on souls. The twelve rallied, and in time the thirteenth called upon the stars for aid, which fell to earth, doing great damage to all but destroying the city of the thirteenth tribe. And so the twelve were victorious, but refrained from exterminating the thirteenth, for the earth asked them not to, as though the product of rape and generally unpleasant people, they were her children too. So they were branded, carrying the mark of the stars, hence Starkatteri. And though cursed, they were treated as a tribe like the others, if a cursed and untrusted one.
Lancer also covers some of the history of the war from the zebra perspective. The Last Caesar, of the Roamani, was one of four candidates, and the vote of the twelve tribes was evenly split: the deciding vote was cast in his favor by the Starkatteri. There were proposals that a runoff be done, but tradition held and he took the throne, though as a weak Caesar. When pirates of the Atori tribe captured a ship of ponies and held them for ransom, he took it as an opportunity toflex nutsmake a show of power, and raised an army of Roamani to deal with the situation. Unfortunately, the Roamani were far from the islands where this was taking place, and getting an army there was taking a long time, much longer than getting together and transporting maybe a half-dozen Achu warriors or Atori fighters to deal with it. Celestia sent in the Wonderbolts, who got the ponies out but lost four of their own. This, naturally, made the Caesar looklike a bitchweak. A special election to replace him was considered, but rejected, as tradition held. Then came the seizure of the coal shipment after the Caesar demanded the trade agreements with Equestria be suspended, which got him to call for war, which began with just the Roamani, the warrior tribe. Others joined later, but many were against it, notably in part because the sun was sacred to them. It was not until Luna took the throne that all the tribes joined in (though the Mendi would continue calling for peace), due to their stories of the evil of the moon and stars, such as the war with the Starkatteri and the Maiden, Nightmare Moon. When Shattered Hoof Ridge is brought up, Lancer says they weren't trying to abduct Celestia, but helping her to defect, allowing a peace to be made between the twelve tribes and Equestria, going around the Caesar entirely; Blackjack is ambivalent on the point at best, based on Psalm's memory of the battle.
At this point, the second part shows up: the Fleur is surrounded by Raptors. Blackjack broadcasts to them, demanding they prepare to be boarded. The next scene has her in General Storm Chaser, talking over tea, with Boomer and Twister as guards. I think that one of the key points here is that Storm Chaser is a consummate professional, restrained, interested in getting all the facts before making decisions, and someone in the military to save lives, not take them. Oh, and she seems competent, too. In other words, she's about the exact opposite of everything ever shown in FoE where the Enclave's military command was concerned. She even makes some comments along those lines, saying for instance that she hopes Falling Leaf will show some restraint out west, that he's supposed to be "mopping up," and that the plan was originally to pretty much just focus on Red Eye. Anyway, she doesn't entirely buy the idea that Blackjack is unconcerned with the Enclave, given a considerable (though incomplete) and astonishing record (including Boomer's testimony about how she engaged in hoof-to-hoof combat with a tank). Bearing in mind her connection with Glory, she was also a little surprised Blackjack wasn't taking Thunderhead's side; Blackjack just says that bioweapons are wrong and she wants to stop them from being used. At some point, Captains Afterburner, Hoarfrost, and Crosswinds show up and make a frankly degrading scene out of demanding Blackjack be summarily executed for her role at Maripony (also, they thought she was the Stable Dweller). Storm Chaser, knowing what's what, immediately ordered (a completely unarmed) Blackjack not to kill them, when they were still in the waving guns around phase. Anyway, she tells them to leave, and has Racewing, captain of the Castellanus (which they are aboard) to do anything possible to slow them down. (Was there an alternate scene of this somewhere, where it becomes a slapstick obstacle course? Is it related in a different chapter?) They only have until the captains get to a radio to figure out what's going on. Blackjack can't agree to help them from within the Enclave fleet, not after seeing those three. So she says she'll try to get to Thunderhead herself and work with their government directly. Storm Chaser agrees, sending her off with Twister and Boomer. They are able to get the Fleur away in time, and will be sticking with Blackjack for a while.
Back aboard the airship, Blackjack talks more with Lancer, and especially his relationship with his father, and what prompted the assassination of his mother. He's starting to doubt everything, since the day of her battle with the Legate. He's come to regret his part in the assassination, and doesn't know where to go from here. It's been building for a while, as Lancer's had misgivings relating to the Brood, who came not from the zebra homeland (there isn't the maritime infrastructure to bring anything like that many over), but out of Equestrian bunkers marked Four Stars, and after the Legate had said a great weapon was in this city (not the balefire bomb he has, which was obtained far from there), and on two nights was ecstatic that pieces had been opened (presumably Steelpony and Chimera). Blackjack starts trying to figure this out, and calls Spike. After covering how he's been cut off from MASEBS, and has been really worried since flying blind (and learning that Littlepip was okay, which relieved him greatly), he says Four Stars was a transportation company, up to its neck in treason and zebra collaboration. He adds also the bit about the stars aiding in Nightmare Moon's escape. Lancer is horrified that zebras would ever use the name of something that helped release the Maiden; he'd assumed it was a name the ponies gave it. Blackjack speculates that beneath the war everyone knew, there may have been another, a secret war that may be ongoing, between Goldenblood and, well, someone. Lancer thinks this is crazy, and notes that even the Remnant quietly acknowledge that the war is over, that the Caesar's last order was just a reason to go on, but she notes that she just keeps running into more and more of the past, and that it all points to more going on than was apparent on the surface.
In the end, Blackjack tells him that Sekashi and Majina are still alive, living in Chapel. He's let off, and goes off on his way, but is shot at by some settlers at Stockyard (saved by Boo running interference) for being a zebra. Blackjack of course tries to teach the settlers the error of that way of thinking, but they blow it off and she gets all discouraged, but it passes quickly as there's some neat but a little off-putting worldbuilding around cloud agriculture, followed by their first view of Shadowbolt Tower from above the clouds, and Thunderhead itself.
For me, I think the first high point of the chapter was the zebra history and mythology, which fleshed out a bit of the world that we'd not really seen from its own perspective. Especially nice was some explanation on the Caesar's role, and the way the Starkatteri were woven in, undermining him just by being the last vote he needed. The second was Storm Chaser, who just by being a solid, reasonable officer added a ton of depth to the Enclave military (its higher command levels especially) which it was lacking before. Her foils, Captains Hoarfrost, Afterburner, and Crosswinds, the beneficiaries of inherited privilege and implied favoritism in exchange for sexual favors or being a personal spy, are completely unsuited for military command, and function as kind of a satire of Autumn Leaf especially, but kind of the Enclave military command as a whole: bloodthirsty, overreactive, and impatient. If they're traits they share with their counterparts out west, their rank incompetence and complete unwillingness to reevaluate a course of action following ignominious failure haven't been revealed yet. Add to that the prospect of more time with Twister and Boomer, who tend to play pretty well off of Blackjack, and it's a promising start to the Enclave arc.
- Chapter Fifty Nine Editing:
- we’ll be visible for miles.” Glory said, trotting up and
period should be comma, should have only one space after quotation
“Right…” I turned to Glory
should have second space after quotation
megaspell you threw at it. And when the war was over,
four spaces after period
You came to m--“ he began again,
inverted quotation mark
Cause back at the Society,
apostrophe for "Cause"
dark as they battled. But each time,
only one space after period
“Ah…” I looked at Glory,
should have second space after quotation
Go on.” I said, mollifying
period should be comma
The One tribe was marked; all who bore their blood would have their stripes marked in glyphs of warning. And thus the One tribe was named Starkatteri,
The other times in Lancer's story "One tribe" isn't capitalized (neither is "twelve tribes")
First identified by ‘DJ Pon3.”
should either have another single quotation mark between "Pon3" and the period or no first single quotation mark at all
She looked at me sharply, “Given your association
comma should be period, have second space after, or speaking verb needed
She folded her hooves on the desk before her as she looked at me evenly, “And
comma should be period and have second space after, or speaking verb needed
Her gaze narrowed. “I’m going to
only one space after period
fire… ice… thing. I mean, seriously?
only one space after period
She sighed again, “And thanks to their
comma should be period, or speaking verb needed
If it really came down it it, I might be able
"down to it"
But that lead me to a disturbing thought.
"led"
Then I remembered… If she was still here
should have second space after ellipsis or not capitalize "If"
Any stuff we’d had had been thrown all over the deck; the Enclave version of a ‘search’ I supposed.
comma after " 'search' "
“How did you… How
should have second space after ellipsis or not capitalize second "How"
Two days later, Father returned and said that mother had tried to kill him
"mother" should be capitalized
Only a few small ships will risk a Megalodon swallowing the vessel.
"Megalodon" shouldn't be capitalized
With EC-1101?” I asked, for some reason my eyes
should have only one space after quotation
replied simultaneously. I rolled my eyes
three spaces after period
After all, the O.I.A. did seem to be the Ministry of secret underhoofed deeds.
should all of MSUD be capitalized, or maybe "Ministry" not?
I stared out at the growing storm. “What if the last war… didn’t end?”
“It ended! Your spells! Our bombs! It is finished!” he cried out as he stepped beside me. “Even the Remnant admits that, if in hushed tones. The last order is simply a reason to go on.”
“I’m not sure. Since I left Stable 99, I’ve been running into the past more and more.” I stared out at the flashes of the gathering storm.
Might want to change one of those up a bit.
Enclave… The Goddess…
"The" shouldn't be capitalized
Lancer shouted. I stood right at the brink of
only one space after period
Rampage glared at Lancer and said something in zebra, then pointed her hoofclaws at her face, then at him, before she backed out.
"zebra" should be capitalized
We had to be quite a sight… if only Lacunae was here to finish off the image of wacky
"was" should be "were"
“Get down!” I shouted, a blast of lightning
should have only one space after quotation
If Boo hadn’t fouled their shot... “Ha ha,
should have second space after ellipsis
Glory hooked my collar with her wing and lead me belowdecks to an intact cabin.
"led"
Anything else that might set them off was given to me and hidden under the cloak as well: Pew Pew,
"Pew-Pew"
I could also appreciate General Chaser’s problem of attacking the Tower.
"Tower" shouldn't be capitalized
I could make out a half dozen of teams of pegasi
"a half dozen teams of" or "half a dozen teams of"
The higher one gazed, the bigger and more elaborate the tower became.
I'd suggest replacing "one" with "I". There's no particular reason for it that I can tell, and "I" shows up later in the description anyway.
I could see of the hexagon bore an enormous
"hexagonal"
And they tried.” Glory said
comma should be period, should have only one space after quotation
- Other Editing:
- 8:
“Woah… it’s Security.” A little bit of pride blossomed inside me
"Whoa"
12:
“Some day I would like to know its story, though I fear it will be quite a trick to make it happy.”
"Someday"
‘PipBuck #214: P-21 audio files.’ I slowly
period to outside of quotation marks?
“Lets go play with the bucks,” I heard Daisy shriek.
"Let's"
Glory might have been be naive when it came
"been naive"
betwixt my nethers. Instead I just smiled like
three spaces after period
13:
‘Cuuuuunnnttttt!’ roared the back of my
should have only one space after quotation
creepy stare from the grinning mare of the Ministry of Morale
two spaces between "the" and "Ministry"
He lead by being there and doing what he did best:
"led"
I put the the healing potion supply tube
repeated "the"
Ahah. A door with a guard.
"Aha"
Because--“ he started to say when
inverted quotation mark
turning tricks on Red Rainbow street,” the first soldier chuckled.
"street" should be capitalized
‘Oh, can’t I fuck with everypony?’ I could almost
three spaces after quotation
16:
No bomb around his neck. No bruises or
three spaces after period
exactly what I say or--“
inverted quotation mark
“It doesn’t matter any more!”
"anymore"
He carried a large dufflebag draped across his back.
"duffel bag"
She doesn’t learn--“ one began to comment
inverted quotation mark
you take that collar off and--“ Glory began
inverted quotation mark
I’m in a mood to do something… reaperish.”
"Reaperish"?
They don’t even need me at the M.o.I. any more.
"anymore"
“The Enclave doesn’t turn against it’s own. Ever.”
"its"
Now, Gem! Finish--“
inverted quotation mark
I didn’t want to care about ponies trying to kill me any more.
"anymore"
breathing shallow little gulps. I floated out
three spaces after period
17
“I don’t understand anything any more
"anymore"
“I say something wrong?” I asked P-21 as he came limping up with his dufflebag.
"duffel bag"
“Ahah… eager little things aren’t they?”
"Aha"
Maybe its going to a ghoul who will be touched
"it's"
angles, the splintered panelling showing the soaked,
"paneling"
super terrible bad wrong… and I have to stop it
should have only one space after ellipsis, or capitalize "and"
Hell, most ponies would think it fair paypack to a former slaver.”
"payback"
Everything in the room had a whiteish silvery glow to it.
"whitish"
Every inch of the room had strange little trinkets and nicknacks
"nick-knacks"?
Then I noticed it: a little spot of something drab on the bookshelf. Something plain. It wasn’t hidden so much as simply placed behind layers and layers of junk; that’s what all this was. Not trophies or important momentos but simply stuff.
"mementos"
worse, come down here to survive! Moonshadow might have
three spaces after exclamation point
Didn’t care! Didn’t care
three spaces after exclamation point
pinching the bow behind my right fetlock. I pressed
three spaces after period
Despite being battered and banged and bloody, the cast iron tub i
two spaces after comma
it was kinda like Rad-Away but not as tasty.
"RadAway"
24:
“Woah.” Rainbow Dash blinked, her eyes going wide.
"Whoa"
“Ya’ll can’t be that crazy!” she shouted as her eyes went wide. “Ya’ll die too!”
"Y'all", both times
I nearly went crosseyed looking at it
"cross-eyed"
down there.” I personally wondered
three spaces after quotation
must you hurt me so? “It worked,
three spaces after question mark
got questions bout that dragon in
apostrophe for "bout"
straight through one of his his wing guards and
repeated "his"
Take her down or ah’ll shoot your
"ah" should be capitalized
“Dirt ponies don’t know nuthin…
apostrophe for "nuthin"
“Back durin the war,
apostrophe for "durin"
I need a few hours sleep or a
"hours' "
And I was about to get a first hand lesson in it.
"firsthand"
25:
I dunno what happened to her.“
inverted quotation mark
we’re going to go with them and--“ but then my hoof slipped on the
inverted quotation mark, should have second space after quotation, "but" should be capitalized
if it was anything like what P-21…
two spaces between "what" and "P-21"
Three days worth of fiber in one glass.
"days' "
In a radpig’s eye.
"radhog's"?
Horizons would have--“ But then he shut
inverted quotation mark
There were dozens of empty syringes laying about and a few filled with rainbow
"lying"
28:
my teeth tightening on the the weapon’s
repeated "the"
Rad-X and Rad-Away first.
"RadAway"
have a life! I found something
three spaces after exclamation point
The ghostly mare snorted, and one of the protectaponies trotted over to Rampage.
"protectaponies" should be capitalized
“I am Professor Zodiac. What you’re looking at is a arcane projection.
"is an"? (dialog)
I trotted across and tried to used my magic to open the door.
"use"
mutants with powers beyond your--“
inverted quotation mark
THE GODDESS--“ she began
inverted quotation mark
then I’m going to do my damndest to encourage folks to do better.
"damnedest"
and whispered, “What the hay
two spaces after comma
37:
as I started to suckle on a cinammony ruby
"cinnamony"
Neither of our hearts were in it.
"was in"
Scotch, I’m not saying--“
inverted quotation mark
“Bor….snnnnrrrgg…. ing…. Skrrrrrkkk
should maybe just have three dots in the ellipses
were the words ‘O.I.A. Afilliate.’
"Affiliate"
disable the lightning rods or--“
inverted quotation mark
“Wait!“ P-21 started.
“What--“ Rampage began.
“Didn’t--“ I started to say.
inverted (closing) quotation marks
“And where does it go when its done?
"it's"
At last! It’s Twi--“ I frowned
inverted quotation mark
42:
“It’s not fair! It’s not fucking
three spaces after exclamation point
“Woah,” muttered one head.
"Whoa"
“Woah, Boss, that is some good surplus gear,”
"Whoa"
“Damnit!” I screamed, then proceeded
"Damn it" or "Dammit"
Someone had cut a hole in the gate’s chainlink, but I suspected that this was recent.
"chain link"?
Ya’ll know bout Iron--”
"Y'all", apostrophe for "bout"
“So I reckon if yeh got it, either ya’ll killed him or somepony else did.”
"y'all"
“Ya’ll realize they woulda gone right through the highlands ta get back to their own country, right?”
"Y'all"
“Ya’ll don’t know Blackjack, Boomer.”
"Y'all"
“What ya’ll doin’ with that stripe?
"y'all"
‘Burner Boys’ was pretty self explanatory
"self-explanatory"
You got a swee--“ And then he patted my butt
inverted quotation mark
If I run, they shouldn’t--“
inverted quotation mark
her lips moving sliently as she glared down at me.
"silently"
Went off a during a battle a week before the bombs fell.
drop first "a"? (or maybe change to "offa"?) (heavily accented dialog)
not that it did a whole lot of good
extra space between "did" and "a"
he’d tried to blast his way out..
extra period, or should have third dot for ellipsis
I tried spiting the next mouthfull out, but the half-liquefied glass
"mouthful"
I’ll get it set up right awa--“
inverted quotation mark
but at least they’ll have a chan--“
inverted quotation mark
You--“ I reared up and brought
inverted quotation mark
all three o us. I nearly
apostrophe for "o"
on the ground n--“ bellowed the
inverted quoation mark
the words didn’t matter any more as I closed the distance
"anymore"
43:
“Heard ya’ll find this kinky…” she snickered.
"y'all"
its camera eye slowly swivelling to focus on us.
"swiveling"
books on the bookcase; bludgeons and
two spaces after semicolon
“After the incident, you where brought to us and told us
"were"
What would be the point of a intermediary?”
"an"? (dialog)
I strugged frantically against my bonds.
"struggled"
Life in Hoofingtoon revolved around the attacks
"Hoofington" (though I kind of like this one... maybe a Saturday morning cartoon spinoff of Wastelanders!)
Her pink mane, shot though with a few strands
"through"? (or commas around "though"?)
You’re here to tell me this is all make believe
"make-believe"?
Rampage said as she trotted out in all her glittering spikyness.
"spikiness"
you’ll kill yourself,” Lacuane said solemnly.
"Lacunae"
occupy the facility in--“ And the purple
inverted quotation marks
She exploded into a cloud a white motes that evaporated into the air.
"a cloud of"
this battle now was anti-climatic
"climactic"
I levitated out the long-barrelled revolvers and reloaded them as fast as I could.
"barreled"
I blasted her face my with magic bullets
"face with my magic"
“The protectaponies would have to push the button to deactivate the simulation!”
"protectaponies" should be capitalized
“No. And there aren’t any protectaponies who can get
"protectaponies" should be capitalized
49:
Something to protect me from from this feeling of wrongness inside me
repeated "from"
desperate for her to make it all better. “Please...”.
shouldn't have that period after the quotation
There is one thing, though… before we left for
should capitalize "before" or have only one space after ellipsis
WHO GOES--“ boomed a voice from
inverted quotation mark
Very funny.” Luna muttered
period should be comma, should have only one space after quotation
You just said--“
inverted quotation mark
They were even re-enamelled!
"re-enameled"
looked up towards the the tantalizingly close roof
repeated "the"
60:
A pony with a stealthbuck was standing right next to Glory…
"StealthBuck"
“And they had a stealthbuck and they could teleport and…”
"StealthBuck"
With Thunderhead bucking the system and Maripony--“
inverted quotation marks
The idea of it, taking something so beautiful
two spaces after comma
“Woah, how do you and Glory get your sexings on?
"Whoa"
said to Rampage, ”I suggest viewing
inverted quotation mark
of a scene. Specially when it cuts back to his special
apostrophe for "Specially"
the flat look from her sister. “Right
only one space after period
Makeu--“ Boo began to say, but I levitated
inverted quotation mark
“Yes Mom,” we said in unison as
comma after "Yes"?
even the undersidse of their wings
"undersides"
She was front and center during the Windigo incursion in the north thirty years ago,”
"Windigo" shouldn't be capitalized
Most commanders get a yearly wargame, which boils down to bragging rights.
"war game" (it looks to me like the military exercise is two words, actual games are one or two)
Moonshadow, go pay the bill.” I rattled off at once.
quotation should end with comma, have only one space after
“Why me?” Moonshadow frowned.
should have second space after quotation
“Right!” Rampage said as she
should have only one space after quotation
But it might tak--“
inverted quotation mark
but it was way too crowded to risk bystandards
"bystanders"
was a good stunt. A damned good
only one space after period
You live more down below in one day than someponies their entire lives up here.”
"some ponies"
should have hauled in Chicancery by his
"Chicanery"
“But... Leger... that’s crazy,” Chicancery replied.
"Chicanery"
of crimson before I disappeared into the the white fluffiness
repeated "the"
the hanging buildings had been Chicancery’s studio.
"Chicanery's"
and everything inbetween all rolled up in a huge ball inside
"in between"
“I’ll patient you upside your head, you patronizing old fuddyduddy.”
"fuddy-duddy"
“And our dealing with it has lead us to explore ways of ending its effects.”
"led"
And now he’s sexually irresistable to everypony
"irresistible"
simply relaxed...” the doctor tisked and shook his head.
should have second space after quotation, "the" should be capitalized
Maybe some day, when you can handle it,
"someday"?
It lead straight to the library.
"led"
But when DJ-PON3 started talking about all of you heroes down there
"DJ Pon3"
The mysterious black and purple pony stopped. “Well
only one space after period
61:
And you know what? We deserve
three space after question mark
“Oh, no no no! I’m not a
Three spaces after exclamation point
she’s been watching you for--“
inverted quotation mark
THEN THY CHILDREN SHALL BE SAVED,” Cognium demanded.
"Cognitum"
The diagram of me plus a purple flash equalling a skull and crossbones made
"equaling"
Moonshadow--“ I began, trying
inverted quotation mark
and Dash hissed, ”I’ll kill
inverted quotation mark
won’t see the doc--“ Rainbow Dash
inverted quotation mark
was a Marauder! Maybe--“
inverted quotation mark
with Twilight and Luna and--“
inverted quotation mark
Riot! Ri--“ and he froze
inverted quotation mark, should have second space after quotation, "and" should be capitalized
come on, I was--“ he started to say.
inverted quotation mark
She tilted her head and gave an almost blissful smile, buck dust around her lips..
extra period, "buck" should be capitalized
“Lets see where this trail of blood ends.”
"Let's"
and southern sides of the valley in a semi circle.
"semicircle"
Either they attack and are destroyed, or they don’t attack and Thunderhead achieves its independance
"independence"
Try it some time!” she grunted before heaving
"sometime", should have only one space after quotation (or "she" should be capitalized)
63:
Goddess has countless eyes searching--“
inverted quotation marks
“You dare--“ she began, only to be silenced by another
inverted quotation marks
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Nov 11, 2014 1:16 am
@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.
Did you mean to have a response to the second-to-last quote in the Running Thoughts section?
@swicked:
Do you think that it's a problem that she shoots it?
Ah, thank you very much as always.
:DIcy Shake wrote:"Hoofington" (though I kind of like this one... maybe a Saturday morning cartoon spinoff of Wastelanders!)
Erm. What?Icy Shake wrote:"hexagonal"
Did you mean to have a response to the second-to-last quote in the Running Thoughts section?
That would be one of swicked's outtakes, if I recall correctly. :)Icy Shake wrote:Was there an alternate scene of this somewhere, where it becomes a slapstick obstacle course? Is it related in a different chapter?
@swicked:
Do you think that it's a problem that she shoots it?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:18 am
You're quite welcome!O. Hinds wrote:@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you very much as always.
Gotta take your happiness where you can get it.O. Hinds wrote::DIcy Shake wrote:"Hoofington" (though I kind of like this one... maybe a Saturday morning cartoon spinoff of Wastelanders!)
Okay, I think I know what happened here: I was reading "bore" as a noun, and somehow mentally inserting a "was":O. Hinds wrote:Erm. What?Icy Shake wrote:"hexagonal"
"Where the tower started to widen, each side I could see of the hexagon bore an enormous panel decorated with the winged rainbow lightning bolts of the M.o.A."
became
"Where the tower started to widen, each side I could see of the hexagon[al] bore [was] an enormous panel decorated with the winged rainbow lightning bolts of the M.o.A."
I think I just meant to remark on the nice description, and the sense of scale in particular.O. Hinds wrote:Did you mean to have a response to the second-to-last quote in the Running Thoughts section?
For some reason I have a feeling that the scene of the three captains being delayed on their way out of the Castellanus from the perspective of Racewind was something that happened. Maybe done by Meleagridis, at some point, or in a post from Somber. Or I just imagined it. But I don't think it was one of yours, or at any rate, I don't believe it was in any of those I'd saved.swicked wrote:...which one was this, again?O. Hinds wrote:That would be one of swicked's outtakes, if I recall correctly. :)Icy Shake wrote:Was there an alternate scene of this somewhere, where it becomes a slapstick obstacle course? Is it related in a different chapter?
I've made a lot, but "obstacle course" doesn't bring anything to mind.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:58 am
Icy Shake wrote:Okay, I think I know what happened here: I was reading "bore" as a noun, and somehow mentally inserting a "was"
Ah, okay.Icy Shake wrote:I think I just meant to remark on the nice description, and the sense of scale in particular.
Hm… I suppose that it could have been Meleagridis. I distinctly remember the thing you're talking about, I think… just not where to find it or, apparently, who wrote it.Icy Shake wrote:For some reason I have a feeling that the scene of the three captains being delayed on their way out of the Castellanus from the perspective of Racewind was something that happened. Maybe done by Meleagridis, at some point, or in a post from Somber. Or I just imagined it. But I don't think it was one of yours, or at any rate, I don't believe it was in any of those I'd saved.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Tue Nov 11, 2014 5:06 am
Here you go.O. Hinds wrote:Hm… I suppose that it could have been Meleagridis. I distinctly remember the thing you're talking about, I think… just not where to find it or, apparently, who wrote it.Icy Shake wrote:For some reason I have a feeling that the scene of the three captains being delayed on their way out of the Castellanus from the perspective of Racewind was something that happened. Maybe done by Meleagridis, at some point, or in a post from Somber. Or I just imagined it. But I don't think it was one of yours, or at any rate, I don't believe it was in any of those I'd saved.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Tue Nov 11, 2014 9:26 am
I miss Mel. And Sindri. And... just... so many people who used to comment on here all the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Tue Nov 11, 2014 11:50 am
Yeah, there's plenty of readers, if the amount of fanart that's popped up lately is any indication
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Nov 11, 2014 2:48 pm
Ah, thank you!WavemasterRyx wrote:Here you go.
Aye.Somber wrote:I miss Mel. And Sindri. And... just... so many people who used to comment on here all the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by FeatherDust Tue Nov 11, 2014 10:06 pm
Just finished the chapter.
Don't have much to say about it. Just... ow.
Blackjack's big confrontation with Amadi (while the others drew the targeting arrow) really reminded me of The Doctor shouting down some vast alien threat. Especially the last bit, I could practically hear Matt Smith or David Tennant bellowing, "I've stood in the mouth of the Eater of Stars and walked out again! SAY MY NAME!"
[dalek] *DOC-TORRR!* [/dalek]
And then the bit about "Even though you’re an immortal beast, you’re afraid I can stop you! And best of all, if you’re afraid I can... then there’s a way."
So very Doctor Who.
Don't have much to say about it. Just... ow.
Blackjack's big confrontation with Amadi (while the others drew the targeting arrow) really reminded me of The Doctor shouting down some vast alien threat. Especially the last bit, I could practically hear Matt Smith or David Tennant bellowing, "I've stood in the mouth of the Eater of Stars and walked out again! SAY MY NAME!"
[dalek] *DOC-TORRR!* [/dalek]
And then the bit about "Even though you’re an immortal beast, you’re afraid I can stop you! And best of all, if you’re afraid I can... then there’s a way."
So very Doctor Who.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Nov 11, 2014 10:41 pm
...Huh. Yeah, now that you mention it...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Caoimhe Tue Nov 11, 2014 10:41 pm
I thought that was a Breaking Bad reference. :X
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Nov 11, 2014 11:44 pm
With that, my mind went to "I am the one who knocks" . . . and I've never watched Breaking Bad. Might be because right now, after the last season and a half, two seasons, I really don't want to see similarities to Doctor Who in things I like.
Also, thanks, Wavemaster, for the link. Still hilarious.
Also, thanks, Wavemaster, for the link. Still hilarious.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Exodus Hero Wed Nov 12, 2014 12:24 am
Wow that was a while backWavemasterRyx wrote:Here you go.O. Hinds wrote:Hm… I suppose that it could have been Meleagridis. I distinctly remember the thing you're talking about, I think… just not where to find it or, apparently, who wrote it.Icy Shake wrote:For some reason I have a feeling that the scene of the three captains being delayed on their way out of the Castellanus from the perspective of Racewind was something that happened. Maybe done by Meleagridis, at some point, or in a post from Somber. Or I just imagined it. But I don't think it was one of yours, or at any rate, I don't believe it was in any of those I'd saved.
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