Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Admiral Stoic Rum Thu Jan 16, 2014 10:02 pm
well the enemy count has gone down,
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Fri Jan 17, 2014 9:12 am
The Lighthooves battle to me seemed to be where we see the true Lighthooves. Until now, he's been a manipulative, acting, lying politician, using those around him. However, as swicked said, his behavior suggests that he likes or respects many of these people, so it can't be easy using them in such a way. In ny opinion, that's why he continues trying until his death. Like Blackjack, he doesn't want all the "bad" things he's done to be for nothing. So what we've been seeing until now is Lighthooves trying to get everything just as he wants it for that moment. That's what I got out of it anyway.swicked wrote:He was very secretive. He worked in special ops, after all, and was involved with an incredibly dangerous prospect, betraying the Enclave with Rainbow Dash, then betraying her, too. He might very well have literally betrayed everyone he knew, had them all believing different lies, like a modern-day Goldenblood.Icy Shake wrote:Swicked: I see where you're coming from with Lighthooves, but I think I missed much of it myself because Blackjack's drive is so personal, where his—until 62—seems more institutionally oriented; yes, he's personally and immensely devoted to Thunderhead and that informs his agenda and his actions, but I never really saw everything he did as being about him in the same way it was with Blackjack. Now, that changed in 62, but by then my thoughts about him had been somewhat solidified, so I didn't make the connections I should have.
It couldn't help but be difficult to figure out what he was about. The level of horror, rage and disgust he kept bottled up inside.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Fri Jan 17, 2014 12:56 pm
Maybe, but it was hard to see when I read it the first time. Honestly I like swicked's suggestion- out and out reversing the Celestia. If Blackjack could remember that moment, it gives her much more reason for that final stab. Steel Rain hesitated, just for a second, and lots of innocent Steel Rangers died, consumed in a megaspell or simply drowning in armour too heavy to take off (How did he get out of that, anyways?).
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:45 pm
Was up to 62a since my last post with the intention of posting all the editing issues I'd found all at once (so the posts here wouldn't spoil 63 for me), then my phone locked up and I lost them all...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:12 pm
KKat on raiders: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/276451/on-raiders
(brief mention of PH)
(brief mention of PH)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Fri Jan 17, 2014 3:28 pm
Hey, I just realized something. Shouldn't Stronghoof's group be called "Applejack's Rangers"?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:04 pm
Either they never broke off with the main branch to join the ARs, I blame my bad memory to not being remember if they did or not, or in the aftermath of the actions of Littlepip and the others caused them just to be the Steel Rangers again but with the ideals of the Applejack's Rangers.
Or it could just be an oversight.
Or it could just be an oversight.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:05 pm
RoboRed wrote:KKat on raiders: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/276451/on-raiders
(brief mention of PH)
Neat. Looks like we now have a solid answer on how far Kkat read.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:13 pm
Hm, interesting; thanks for posting this.RoboRed wrote:KKat on raiders: http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/276451/on-raiders
(brief mention of PH)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by FoolNeim Sat Jan 18, 2014 7:15 am
Got around to reading the latest chapter. Damn, that was really good. Loved the twist where
Wish I could be more articulate here, but that's much easier to do when I have major problems with something.
There's several characters in particular I'm still wondering about, one of which I've asked about previously and may have forgotten the answer to.
1) The purple chimera dragon-pony at Chapel. Is this Rarity and Spike's kid or something? I feel like that was a dangled plot point that hasn't yet led very far. I know I've asked about this before and I apologize if it's already been answered.
2) I actually would like to see Stygius and Psychoshy again. I feel like they should make a cameo at least between now and the end.
3) The handful of survivors from the original Stable 99. What is there role there? How are they getting along with the Steel Rangers and the mass of refugees from Stable 96? How does Rivets feel about Blackjack these days? Strange that their role or existence wasn't even hinted at this past chapter. I do kind of feel like that was a minor missed opportunity.
Also,
- Spoiler:
- at the end of the chapter it turns out the first person narrative wasn't broken at all.
Wish I could be more articulate here, but that's much easier to do when I have major problems with something.
There's several characters in particular I'm still wondering about, one of which I've asked about previously and may have forgotten the answer to.
1) The purple chimera dragon-pony at Chapel. Is this Rarity and Spike's kid or something? I feel like that was a dangled plot point that hasn't yet led very far. I know I've asked about this before and I apologize if it's already been answered.
2) I actually would like to see Stygius and Psychoshy again. I feel like they should make a cameo at least between now and the end.
3) The handful of survivors from the original Stable 99. What is there role there? How are they getting along with the Steel Rangers and the mass of refugees from Stable 96? How does Rivets feel about Blackjack these days? Strange that their role or existence wasn't even hinted at this past chapter. I do kind of feel like that was a minor missed opportunity.
Also,
- Spoiler:
- oooh mystery villain mare. This should be fun. I bet it's Cadence. She's evil!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Sat Jan 18, 2014 7:32 am
FoolNeim wrote:3) The handful of survivors from the original Stable 99. What is there role there? How are they getting along with the Steel Rangers and the mass of refugees from Stable 96? How does Rivets feel about Blackjack these days? Strange that their role or existence wasn't even hinted at this past chapter. I do kind of feel like that was a minor missed opportunity.
Rivets? She can't feel much of anything. As a matter of fact, with the exception of Blackjack, P-21, Scotch Tape and the Dealer, the original occupants of Stable 99 are all dead.
From the last couple pages of Chapter 22:
- Chapter 22:
I saw two foals and a filly stagger and fall prone as tears ran down my face. Males who’d experienced just a few brief gasps of freedom now lay where they fell, scratching and clawing at their eyes as they gasped at the poisoned air. Rivets staggered out of the cafeteria and looked up at me, the betrayal etched in her rugged face... fresh bite marks on her forelegs. There was no forgiveness for this. No atonement. Midnight staggered out onto the atrium balcony, her eyes already starting to yellow as they stared at me in rage, even as she slumped against the metal rail, fighting to breathe as the poison gas built. Nopony would ever set foot in Stable 99 again.
A minute more, and it’d be over. My eyes watered and my lungs burned...
Suddenly, there was a purple flash behind me, and I heard the Goddess’s voice as clear as day. “We had a deal, Blackjack.”
“No… no no no NO!” I screamed as she wrapped her hooves around me. I blasted her purple hide with magic bullets.
“Blackjack! You murderer!” Midnight screamed as I was stolen away in a purple flash. The word echoed endlessly in my mind.
The only death I couldn’t give was to the only pony who deserved it.
Myself.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Valikdu Sat Jan 18, 2014 7:51 am
Train Dodger wrote:As a matter of fact, with the exception of Blackjack, P-21, Scotch Tape and the Dealer, the original occupants of Stable 99 are all dead.
I think that there was some small group who were still hiding in an isolated area and were not infected & gassed. I don't recall the exact chapter number where it's revealed that they exist.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Sat Jan 18, 2014 8:09 am
Valikdu wrote:Train Dodger wrote:As a matter of fact, with the exception of Blackjack, P-21, Scotch Tape and the Dealer, the original occupants of Stable 99 are all dead.
I think that there was some small group who were still hiding in an isolated area and were not infected & gassed. I don't recall the exact chapter number where it's revealed that they exist.
Oh, damn. You're right. I'd completely forgotten about that.
From Chapter 57:
- Chapter 57:
Crumpets knitted her brows. “Better, but you better not start sparkling or throbbing again. And grabbing is right out!” Glory gave a little snirk and hid her smile behind her wing.
When my hoof was free, I smiled, “So what are you here for?” It was easier to ask that than to ask about Stable 99. The pair seemed to understand my question, through.
Crumpets cleared her throat. “Well, let me be the first to say that your stable is a marvel. Even if some of the recycling systems are a little icky, it is a masterpiece of sustainability. And I thought Stable 2’s orchards were impressive. I think you could put a Stable 99 anywhere and it’d be viable,” Crumpets said with a worried smile. “But I’m afraid that unless we get substantial reinforcement from Trottingham, we might not be able to stay there. It really does need a sizable population to run such a facility. If it wasn’t for the survivors’ help--“
“Survivors!?” I gasped, grabbing her shoulders. “Who? How? Where?”
Glory came to her rescue. “Hey, no grabbing ponies, Blackjack!”
“Thirteen!” Crumpets gasped as I released her. “In the maintenance around the reactor. They’d sealed off the lowest levels of the stable when the… first attack… happened and didn’t come out. Seemed they didn’t believe the all clear, so somepony named Rivets told them they could stay till they got bored and wanted out.”
“She never told me!” I said, sitting down hard. “I… I thought Scotch Tape was the only uninfected pony! I…” Then a horrible feeling crept over me. “Do they… do they know how the stable was gassed?”
The pair looked at each other, all smiles gone, and I got my answer. Stronghoof put his hoof on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. In the service of doing what is right, hard choices have to be made. But that does not mean others will understand or forgive those who have to make them.”
So, they knew what I had done. I hadn’t ever planned on returning, but still…
“We’ve a medical specialist in our acolytes for biological work, mostly to identify hazards in ruins we study. He found evidence of your infection in more than twenty of the ponies killed,” Crumpets said respectfully. “It was a full outbreak. If you hadn’t done what you did, I think half the Hoof would be infected. We found other infected ‘survivors’ in other sealed areas, and seeing what they did to themselves… I wouldn’t wish that on anypony.”
“And your warning spared us as well,” Stronghoof added. “Had we not been diligent, we would have eaten the same contaminated food. There were some,” and he huffed, his mustache fluttering, “some Rangers who were less than respectful with the slain suggested that we repeat the previous mistake. Their behavior was corrected.” Good.
Come to think of it, that's actually way more disturbing than if Blackjack had succeeded in gassing all of them. There are a tiny handful still alive. And they know what she did. Oh shit.
Well, at least we pretty much know for sure that Rivets is dead, right?
Oh, and by the way, I bolded a typo on that second line, there. It should be "though".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Sat Jan 18, 2014 10:15 am
To answer your first question, Precious (the purple dragon filly) was a part of Chimera. She had been incredibly sick and to save her Trueblood (that was Sanguine's real name right?) fused her with a dragon.FoolNeim wrote:
1) The purple chimera dragon-pony at Chapel. Is this Rarity and Spike's kid or something? I feel like that was a dangled plot point that hasn't yet led very far. I know I've asked about this before and I apologize if it's already been answered.
2) I actually would like to see Stygius and Psychoshy again. I feel like they should make a cameo at least between now and the end.
As for Psychoshy and Stygius, it was mentioned before and the reason is neither of them were wearing Pip-Bucks. In order for the Perceptitron to view someone they must be wearing a Pip-Buck for it to tap into.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:22 pm
Ah, thank you.Train Dodger wrote:Valikdu wrote:Train Dodger wrote:As a matter of fact, with the exception of Blackjack, P-21, Scotch Tape and the Dealer, the original occupants of Stable 99 are all dead.
I think that there was some small group who were still hiding in an isolated area and were not infected & gassed. I don't recall the exact chapter number where it's revealed that they exist.
Oh, damn. You're right. I'd completely forgotten about that.
From Chapter 57:
- Chapter 57:
Crumpets knitted her brows. “Better, but you better not start sparkling or throbbing again. And grabbing is right out!” Glory gave a little snirk and hid her smile behind her wing.
When my hoof was free, I smiled, “So what are you here for?” It was easier to ask that than to ask about Stable 99. The pair seemed to understand my question, through.
Crumpets cleared her throat. “Well, let me be the first to say that your stable is a marvel. Even if some of the recycling systems are a little icky, it is a masterpiece of sustainability. And I thought Stable 2’s orchards were impressive. I think you could put a Stable 99 anywhere and it’d be viable,” Crumpets said with a worried smile. “But I’m afraid that unless we get substantial reinforcement from Trottingham, we might not be able to stay there. It really does need a sizable population to run such a facility. If it wasn’t for the survivors’ help--“
“Survivors!?” I gasped, grabbing her shoulders. “Who? How? Where?”
Glory came to her rescue. “Hey, no grabbing ponies, Blackjack!”
“Thirteen!” Crumpets gasped as I released her. “In the maintenance around the reactor. They’d sealed off the lowest levels of the stable when the… first attack… happened and didn’t come out. Seemed they didn’t believe the all clear, so somepony named Rivets told them they could stay till they got bored and wanted out.”
“She never told me!” I said, sitting down hard. “I… I thought Scotch Tape was the only uninfected pony! I…” Then a horrible feeling crept over me. “Do they… do they know how the stable was gassed?”
The pair looked at each other, all smiles gone, and I got my answer. Stronghoof put his hoof on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. In the service of doing what is right, hard choices have to be made. But that does not mean others will understand or forgive those who have to make them.”
So, they knew what I had done. I hadn’t ever planned on returning, but still…
“We’ve a medical specialist in our acolytes for biological work, mostly to identify hazards in ruins we study. He found evidence of your infection in more than twenty of the ponies killed,” Crumpets said respectfully. “It was a full outbreak. If you hadn’t done what you did, I think half the Hoof would be infected. We found other infected ‘survivors’ in other sealed areas, and seeing what they did to themselves… I wouldn’t wish that on anypony.”
“And your warning spared us as well,” Stronghoof added. “Had we not been diligent, we would have eaten the same contaminated food. There were some,” and he huffed, his mustache fluttering, “some Rangers who were less than respectful with the slain suggested that we repeat the previous mistake. Their behavior was corrected.” Good.
Come to think of it, that's actually way more disturbing than if Blackjack had succeeded in gassing all of them. There are a tiny handful still alive. And they know what she did. Oh shit.
Well, at least we pretty much know for sure that Rivets is dead, right?
Oh, and by the way, I bolded a typo on that second line, there. It should be "though".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sat Jan 18, 2014 6:41 pm
Added Faction/Location and Job columns, repurposed Other Distinguishing Characteristics to purely appearance traits, and revamped Role to be more limited and include personal relationships. Also, it's now publicly editable.Meleagridis wrote:I can't leave comments. Doof's CM was a fork and knife, coat was grey.Icy Shake wrote: Comments are enabled on the document, should anyone want to suggest corrections or additions, but I want to keep versions consistent,so to see within cells you'd have to download the file(turns out that only applies to nonnative files hosted on drive) so direct editing isn't.
It... might help to have the 'general other' split up based on faction, appearance, race, or something.
Going through to figure out when Tarot was introduced, I found this in 34:
A new name had been carved into it. ‘Blackjack’. I sniffed as I looked at that list of names, from Card Trick to myself.
But "Go Fish" was already carved in after "Gin Rummy." So who carved 'Blackjack'? I guess it works as long as it wasn't P-21, Scotch Tape, or Glory, who all knew that was her name, or at least that Gin Rummy was her mother. Unless it's meant as a kind of rebirth thing, which I guess would make sense for the chapter, or even just adding the name she's known by rather than that given by her mother. Interesting thing to think about, I guess.
A little bit of editing:
6: So forgiving. ‘Be kind’ was written on the base.
For all the other "Be [adjective]" inscriptions, the adjective is capitalized. Then again, S&S got the adjective itself wrong, so maybe it works in context.
34: I sniffed as I looked at that list of names, from Card Trick to myself. I looked at Tarot.
"Tarot" should be in single-quotes, I think, since she's looking at the name, not the pony or an image of her.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sat Jan 18, 2014 8:28 pm
Ah, thank you.Icy Shake wrote:Added Faction/Location and Job columns, repurposed Other Distinguishing Characteristics to purely appearance traits, and revamped Role to be more limited and include personal relationships. Also, it's now publicly editable.Meleagridis wrote:I can't leave comments. Doof's CM was a fork and knife, coat was grey.Icy Shake wrote: Comments are enabled on the document, should anyone want to suggest corrections or additions, but I want to keep versions consistent,so to see within cells you'd have to download the file(turns out that only applies to nonnative files hosted on drive) so direct editing isn't.
It... might help to have the 'general other' split up based on faction, appearance, race, or something.
Going through to figure out when Tarot was introduced, I found this in 34:
A new name had been carved into it. ‘Blackjack’. I sniffed as I looked at that list of names, from Card Trick to myself.
But "Go Fish" was already carved in after "Gin Rummy." So who carved 'Blackjack'? I guess it works as long as it wasn't P-21, Scotch Tape, or Glory, who all knew that was her name, or at least that Gin Rummy was her mother. Unless it's meant as a kind of rebirth thing, which I guess would make sense for the chapter, or even just adding the name she's known by rather than that given by her mother. Interesting thing to think about, I guess.
A little bit of editing:
6: So forgiving. ‘Be kind’ was written on the base.
For all the other "Be [adjective]" inscriptions, the adjective is capitalized. Then again, S&S got the adjective itself wrong, so maybe it works in context.
34: I sniffed as I looked at that list of names, from Card Trick to myself. I looked at Tarot.
"Tarot" should be in single-quotes, I think, since she's looking at the name, not the pony or an image of her.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by FoolNeim Sun Jan 19, 2014 7:01 am
Thanks for the clarification on my questions. Damn, I had misread the part about Rivets. I had thought she was among the small group of survivors for some reason. Guess it was just a bunch of random stable ponies. Still, I guess it would still be interesting to see how they've adjusted to everything.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Jan 19, 2014 9:52 pm
Well, I'm coming into this chapter pissed right the fuck off, so hopefully that won't color the experience too much. Who knows? Maybe some reading will even help with that.
Eh, it's a short one. Let's make it two.
So yeah, after all that, I do feel better. Thanks, Somber!
Eh, it's a short one. Let's make it two.
- Chapter Three Running Thoughts:
- A purple unicorn sat on the library wall, looking clever and surrounded by floating books, saying ‘We need every idea’. Well, that’s what I thought it said. Some wit had scratched out ‘idea’ and written ‘penis’. I got the joke.
That's a pretty generous definition of joke, but I have a feeling that was a joke in itself.
It was tough to telekinetically hold an object while messing with one small part of it, but I was able to unscrew and disassemble the various portions of the weapon. Immediately, I saw what the teal pony had been talking about. Some of the screws on one rifle were almost rust-free. Another had an intact slide. One had a superior barrel. Of course, I had to listen closely to her directions as I assembled one weapon from four.
I'm a little iffy on the difficulty of the telekinesis, since that seems like something she'd learn as part of security training, of course, it could also just be another facet of Blackjack's poor magical aptitude, but needing the instructions on the idea of reassembling from disparate sources is a nice bit of contrast to the world she knew, where the weapons were in generally good repair.
“Reapers is what happens when raiders grow up. They’re the baddest of the baddest. Don’t take shit off nopony. There’s only a hundred of ‘em, cause the only way to join is ta kill another Reaper hoof to hoof. Monsters one and all,” Scoodle said darkly.
Either that's changed, or Scoodle doesn't know as much as she thinks she does. I'm going with the latter, or she's simplifying greatly, because what happens if a Reaper dies other than in hand-to-hand combat? 'Course, Blackjack qualifies even under the restrictive requirements, possibly, due to Gorgon.
“Arloste’s too nice ta be a Reaper, so it’d never happen,” Scoodle countered.
Laughing so hard at this.
If we ever come down with worms we always ask them fer help. They got this medicine that’ll clean ya out lickity-split!
Lovely.
But that reminded me of something from the Setting Discussion thread which struck me as weird: Hinds or someone was talking about public hygene concerns (in the future) over STDs. Which, sure, why not be concerned about the issue once things settle down a little? But I'd come to assume STDs don't exist in FoE, with (as far as I could remember) them being mentioned never between FoE, PH, MN7, ATR, PE, and every other story in the universe I'd read. Sure, reasons can be made for some of them, but I'd think that at minimum it might have come up in PH and MN7, from Glory or Rampage and Glimmerlight (or a physician) respectively, even if the viewpoint character might have reasons (maybe Stables were clean even if the general population at the time the bombs fell wasn't, in Blackjack's case (also Littlepip), and Murky (like Puppysmiles and the female protagonist of ATR) is uneducated and ignorant) not to think about them.
“I mean about what we should do? While I don’t mind helping ponies who need it, I doubt that Reaper has given up. We need information.” I lifted my PipBuck. “We need to learn about that Reaper. We need to find out what EC-1101 is. Why it was worth attacking Stable 99.”
"What do you mean 'we,' kemosabe?"
I’d soon think to myself, ‘Oh, silly Blackjack, it can always get worse.’
So, so true.
Not much to say about Scoodle, but I just love the Silver Spoon conversation, with Blackjack trying to hold herself together and flailing desperately to keep the conversation flowing despite being entirely out of her depth. Oh, and of course, there wasn't the same kind of time given to it, but as with Tiara herself, this did a nice job of adding some sympathy for an unlikable character, even while maintaining some of her obnoxious tone.
“You’re not the first. And if I can be blunt, your fuck-up only killed one filly. I’ve known ponies whose fuck-ups killed millions. So on the grand scale of fuck-ups, I think you’re overrating yourself.”
And yes, it's true. Granted, in large part the self-adsorbtion never really goes away, paradoxically driving Blackjack to do ever more for everyone else.
“So I’m asking you: Is this it? Are you just a pony that wallows in self-pity and kicks herself for a mistake, or not? Because if this is it, then I’ll leave you be. I can’t help you. You can’t help anypony.”
It's a good speech, but I have to think that the timing is a little misplaced, since she hasn't really been lying around pitying herself, but critically ill and delusional from radiation sickness. Sure, he could know about what she was like beforehand, or maybe she was talking in her delerium, or it could even be purely prospective, but it seems at least a little premature.
Turns out, starting involved me getting off that filthy bed and finding some Rad-Away before I either died outright or grew a second head.
Yay, latency phase!
“Let me? You’re dying of radiation poisoning, Blackjack. How are you planning to stop me?” he asked as he turned towards the ruined gazebo.
I just looked at him, then down at the lounging mutant alligators. The rifle came up and without any hesitation I fired a shot right into a mutant gator. It gave a bellow and rose out of the water, charging towards the two of us. P-21 stared at me with a scathing look that would do any raider proud, eyelid twitching, before he turned and ran for cover.
Loved this. Quick thinking and what may well be compassion and forethought bring a good solution that also serves as a witty rejoinder to P-21. But that doesn't change the fact P-21 may still be screwed without her.
Ah, P-21 finally breaking it down for Blackjack. Still doesn't catch on immediately, but what do you expect? And you can't forget the "Not wanting to do anything isn't the same as not being able to do what you want" point.
“Tell me you had some pining need to be an atmospheric maintenance mare like Rivets. Did you curse your rotten luck that you missed out on protein recycling duty or an exciting future in waste management?”
Love that attack. And it's entirely true. She had expressed something of a desire she'd been in food prep since the stable would be doomed with her as the head of security, but nothing as something she wanted to do.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I think you were one of the best mares in security. Nopony else would have tried to stop Daisy and Marmalade from beating the snot out of a male.
I bet Gin Rummy might have. But yeah, not many others, and almost certainly not of the late shift.
“I was just being stupid,” I muttered, keeping my eyes down. “I have a habit of doing that.”
“You have a habit of being reckless, Blackjack. What you did was brave, even with that glowing ghoul.
P-21 cares about precision of language.
More to the point, though, if not friendship, there is at least a degree of respect growing, on both sides.
- Chapter Four Running Thoughts:
- I can't help but think that, well, the Overmare was right about the threat of a coup ("threat to my stable and my ponies") coming from Rivets, but who knows what led to what? It's not hard to imagine why Rivets would be patronixing to her from the get-go, but then there's no particular reason she'd go full treason just because her new superior was young and inexperienced. Probably something that'll never really be answered, but presumaby the fact that the Overmare was in power as long as she was means at least there weren't immediate plans on her ascension.
What was he worried about? My E.F.S. would pick up any threats.
After chapter three, that's not too comforting. There wasn't much time since then, probably, and at the end of it Blackjack wasn't counting on E.F.S. to catch everything, herself.
Except buried ghouls… I started looking a little more closely at those lumps, too.
. . . Oh.
The next few recordings were little more than rants against… well… just about everypony.
Now I want to read everything she says and writes in a Nixon voice.
I could have told her that Mom put me on C shift because that was when I’d be least likely to embarrass her.
Ah, that's what I thought. Presumably similar with Daisy and Marmalade.
I almost stopped… but fuck it. He was going to be in a bad mood either way. Why’d I have to leave Stable 99 with the pony carrying a whole stable’s worth of issues? Why not U-14? Least then I’d be in the Wasteland with some fine flank. Sighing at the injustices in my life, I listened to the next few entries.
Man it would be nice if that were irony on Blackjack's part. I guess even learning more, it did take the recordings of her to really bring a phase change.
Third, he clearly had a grasp of the Overmare’s psychology. I suspect we’re looking for somepony who’s spent time in a stable themselves.
Well, three out of four ain't bad.
“For the moment, we need guns, bullets, and caps.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like we’re just going to happen across some place we can just…” He trailed off as he saw my grin. His blue ears drooped. “Red bars?”
They're like the Wasteland version of an ATM!
Note, of course, the grin. Plays into
“Seeking out death and danger for fun and profit. What a life.”
It didn't take long for Blackjack to start enjoying killing as a means of survival and recreation. And it's something I have to be ambivalent about, because on the one hand it just feels weird to be on someone's side when they feel that way, but on the other, well, having it be fun for her keeps the tone more fun for me as well, compared to every engagement leading to unhappiness (and SERIOUSNESS) all the way through. And maybe it's not entirely the case, but I kind of had that overall impression with FoE, and not to its credit. Kind of a Nightwing vs. Batman thing going on there, and it's nice to have a protagonist who's enjoying herself.
“I guess they weren’t made to resist being attacked by some pony with a heavy metal stick.”
Bit of a surprise, actually, since it seemed that zebra combatants would fairly often get up close and personal.
and was rewarded with some tools and a strange boxy object shaped like a pistol
Which you may recognize from being shot with one.
They even had some bottle caps on them and some strange flimsy paper money I’d never seen before.
If the Enclave had real money backed by real gold or real beverage container seals, they wouldn't have all the problems they do. Mystery solved.
“Any idea what this is?” I asked, pointing the boxy pistol at the wall.
"Any idea what this is?" I asked, answering my own question in the ensuing narration. :D
“It doesn’t have a barrel!” I countered, but l took his point to heart. “Well, better than nothing. Ready to go in?”
In the Fallout system, I'm not sure that an energy weapon is better than nothing with the skill you have with them.
I also lucked into a cafeteria and found some delicious Big Mac ‘n’ Cheese and a working vending machine.
I guess only Twilight needed to give approval for use of her name (or have the users pretend they got it, anyway). That, or the Apples were in hard times.
Her eyes widened in terror and she moved her head completely out from behind the cable. My smile vanished as I looked at the boxy business end of a magic beam pistol. The yellow mark turned red as she screamed around the clenched handle and my world became filled with red light.
Remember, it's good luck! Also, you're already qualified to be a member of the club once you join the group, which is distinct from the club!
“She shot me,” I groaned, my face sporting an ugly black burn that ran from jaw to ear.
How does she know this at this point? She can't see her own face without a mirror, and that doesn't come until later. Did P-21 tell her?
“There’s a bathroom down the hall. Go look in the mirror,” he said as he took out my last bottle of purified water and rolled it to the pegasus curled up in the corner of the room next to the hatch.
The rolling the bottle over is a nice detail. Smart.
“Well… fuck…” I said lamely as I finished the bottle of lukewarm soda.
Shell shock or whatever, it just gets me that the sequence is basically *sees eyes*, "Huh," *goes back to drinking soda*.
Blackjack takes things in stride. Sometimes, anyway.
“No idea,” he said as I started on my last Sparkle-Cola. Darn things were addictive!
They sure are. Ironic, kind of, that it is, I think, the one "drug" she even waves a hoof at being addicted to or dependent on psychologically.
I contacted Thunderhead, but they haven’t sent shit to help. They told me to come home. There are kids here who need to be evacuated. Can anypony hear me?
An inauspicious start to an inauspicious reign, especially since this is something that would have required some Rad-X and not much else to handle.
“Fuckers… fuckers abandoned us… told me… told me to stop transmitting… switched channels on me… fuckers… didn’t give a shit for the kids.”
Yep.
“There was nothing we could do,” she said in a soft, buzzing drawl. “After the bombs went off… every pegasus that could get home was recalled. We had to save as much as we could.”
Can't deny, I don't think I was ever much of a fan of party-line Glory. Thankfully there was a lot more to her than that.
“Warned you?” P-21 gave me a concerned look.
“That the surface was deadly and savage,” she said softly as she rubbed her face with her hoof. “That all surface ponies do is rape and murder and then rape what they murdered.”
How could they forget the part about skinning you to make their clothing? Or eating you? Or the fact you can't count on any particular sequence to hold?
I wagered I was the only pony in the Wasteland who could attract pacifists.
Eh, they'll get over it. At least you weren't seeking out a straw pacifist.
“There were some protests… nothing serious. Just a lot of us wanting to come down. That’s why the Volunteer Corps were established.” And ripped to pieces by raiders. Convenient.
I'd say Blackjack seems pretty cynical there, but given the warning from Scoodle, the recording, and her own experiences with authority, it's pretty justified.
I levitated a pointed rock and scratched out ‘Brolly’ and ‘He tried.’ on the trunk. I spotted both of them staring at me oddly; P-21 had an approving look and Morning Glory simply seemed confused.
Well, at least you could do something for an early failed hero of the Wasteland.
I didn’t care; I didn’t want to discuss the equinity of any pony so crazy they adopted radical new styles of dentistry to suit their dietary habits.
Fair point. And the humor has been pretty frequent and pretty strong this chapter.
Me too. The Wasteland made murderers of everypony.
Well, you're the one who said it. But as I recall, Rampage won't agree for quite some time.
Glory lay curled on her side on the far end of the trailer in her smelly uniform. I’d give sexual favors for a laundromat right now.
I think
it was established you'd give sexual favors for a lot of things.
“…let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go…
When pain is all you have, let it go.”
Was this changed for some kind of copywrite issue? I know FimFiction recently did its thing with lyrics, but does EqD have that policy, too?
“What the fuck? Who the hell was that? How does he know what I’m doing? What…” Suddenly I knew. “Watcher…”
That's . . . actually an entirely justified assumption. Of course, given how he was just tearing in to her not long ago, I'm not sure he'd be building her up this soon.
(Huge thanks to Mr. H for helping me make this ten times better than I could on my own.)
So, this is where Hinds started helping out? Neat!
- Chapters Three and Four Overall Thoughts:
- Eh, don't have that much to say about these two. Biggest events are Scoodle's death and the addition of Glory to the party. There isn't much to say about Scoodle that isn't right out there. Leads to the great interaction with Silver Spoon, though, which is a nice moment where Blackjack gets to be clever and demonstrate some resolve in the face of one of her great failures. Sets up a cool location and a wonderful returning character, too. The radiation sickness is a big deal, of course, and leads in to Watcher's "you keep trying to make up for it" speech, which is a high point, along with the discussion of fuckups. P-21 makes some good points about Blackjack fucking up, giving up, and how she never really wanted to do anything in the stable, where he had specific hopes that he wished he had a chance to live. Fair amount of action in three along with a short chapter makes it go quickly, especially after the exposition from Scoodle is over. Quest perk introduces the Rad Sight. Was that officially lost when Blackjack went blind and then got artificial eyes?
Four confirms the Overmare of 99 as a paranoid psychopath, albeit one that might be justified in her paranoia, at least after it's alienated everyone under her. Likewise, some educated guesses about Sanguine. A lot of the chapter is getting in to the weather station, where we meet Glory who naturally shoots Blackjack, since we also meet the glowy eyes for real. The Brolly recording about the pegasi abandoning a building full of foals kind of paints the Enclave as an organization born over the corpses of those they could have helped. Glory spouts the party line, a frustrating trait I'm glad becomes less prevalent over time, and does some expositing. Blackjack and P-21 think she and the Corps are dupes, sent to the surface to die so that the Enclave can be rid of an inconvenience. Leads to the Pony Joe's donut shop fight with the raiders, which was interesting in how it broke down into several discrete phases, and brought Glory to help out in a kill, which she doesn't take well. Right at the end, we're introduced to DJ Pon3, who gives Blackjack her monicer as the "Security Mare" while singing her praises for taking out the raiders at Whithers and Pony Joe's, leading to soon-to-be familiar complaining about how it's a whitewashed history that also relegates P-21 and Glory to "and there were to other guys there" status.
- Chapter Three Editing:
- guns than P-21. There was something
only one space after period
Between P-21 and I we’d be able to do it, but it would still be quite a weight.
possible example of Blackjack's chronic difficulty with reflexive pronouns as a feature of the narrative voice, but if not, "I" -> "me". In either case, comma before "we."
“What about the rest of this?” P-21 asked as he opened
should have only one space after period.
with her for mentioning it. “Scoo!
only one space after period
I’d like to think that I’d get over this eventually, but somehow I didn’t think I would.
maybe "I'd have liked" or "I would've liked" to move to past?
“Wasn’t the zebras!” Boing jumped in.
I think there should be only one space after the quotation?
“Heads!” Was all Scoodle shouted before drawing her gun
I think there should be only one space after the quotation and "Was" shouldn't be capitalized.
No… a rattle?
only one space after ellipsis or capitalize "a."
turned to the Crusaders and P-21. “Is that what you’re
only one space after the period
my body felt like it’d been beaten. The Crusaders didn’t
three spaces after period
over my hind legs. I drifted between guilt-ridden
only one space after period
“So I’m asking you: Is this it?
"Is" shouldn't be capitalized
“I’m dying without that Rad-away,”
second "a" in "Rad-away" should be capitalized
‘Don’t let radiation get you down,’ the label read.
‘RadAway, your source of radiation relief,’ it proclaimed.
comma to outside of quotes?
- Chapter Four Editing:
- Oh, I can’t wait to see the look on Rivets’ stupid face when I retake my stable!
"Rivets's"
Stable-Tec to do something premature... The less shock to
Second space after ellipsis or no capitalization for "The"
Tape has been disposed of. The sabotaged terminal
only one space after period
Not her. Not anypony.”
Shouldn't end with quotation mark
as quickly as I could. Despite being made out
only one space after period
“Huh… I think I prefer raiders. They at least carry loot,” I said sourly as I looked at the plate on its chest that read ‘Robronco.’
period to outside of quotation marks
He carefully withdrew several components; small containers of crushed crystals that were apparently ammo of some sort, something called a ‘spark battery’, and quite a bit of ‘scrap electronics’.
semicolon -> colon
I continued forward towards more red dots. The dead wood ended abruptly
only one space after period
This is just weird.” I said as I levitated it
period to comma
The little dial on the back of the pistol was hovering on E.
should "E" be in single-quotes?
There were more pegasi corpses in the hallway;
"pegasus"
P-21 said softly. “She was alone, starving,
only one space after period
pegasus skeleton in the corner… It wasn’t the species,
should have second space after ellipsis
Hey, what happened…?” Suddenly I could hear a noise
only one space after quotation
from murdering scum sounds fine to me.” I said as I
period -> comma
I let Glory take some potshots at the Bloatsprites.
"Bloatsprites" shouldn't be capitalized
off with the Enclave’s offer. I kept thinking back
only one space after the period
“Don’t.” I repeated through
period to comma
and get in here! Squaaaaar!” A mare shrieked from the
"A" shouldn't be capitalized
Suddenly Morning Glory appeared on the roof of the donut shop
comma after suddenly?
“Shoot!” P-21 and I shouted in unison.
should have only one space after quotation
“That was Sweetie Belle with ‘Let it go.’ Just giving us all a reminder that sometimes,
period to outside of quotes?
- Other chapter editing:
- RadAway vs. Rad-Away: FoE is ~30s/4, PH is something like 33/38. Don't know if you want to standardize. In any case, the following apply.
33: Using my light amplification goggles, I loaded up on more Rad-X, Radaway, healing potions, and rations from a storeroom.
Second "a" in Radaway should be capitalized
37: Looking around the two storey foyer of the building,
"story" (you only use this spelling twice)
55: I said as we walked through the marble foyer of the three storey ‘country club’
"story"
56: levitated out packets of Radaway, draining them as she moved.
to levitate another packet of Rad-away to her mouth, clutched her stomach, and vomited a slurry of red and orange.
a tablet of buck, sucked some Rad-away, and healed herself with a potion.
Second "a" in RadAway/Rad-Away should be capitalized.
"buck" (in the third one) should be capitalized
So yeah, after all that, I do feel better. Thanks, Somber!
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
Brohoof! : 308
Join date : 2012-06-05
Age : 35
Location : Boston, MA
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:31 pm
Ah, thank you very much as always. And I'm glad that PH cured your bad mood. :)Icy Shake wrote:Well, I'm coming into this chapter pissed right the fuck off, so hopefully that won't color the experience too much. Who knows? Maybe some reading will even help with that.
Eh, it's a short one. Let's make it two.
- Chapter Three Running Thoughts:
That's a pretty generous definition of joke, but I have a feeling that was a joke in itself.
It was tough to telekinetically hold an object while messing with one small part of it, but I was able to unscrew and disassemble the various portions of the weapon. Immediately, I saw what the teal pony had been talking about. Some of the screws on one rifle were almost rust-free. Another had an intact slide. One had a superior barrel. Of course, I had to listen closely to her directions as I assembled one weapon from four.
I'm a little iffy on the difficulty of the telekinesis, since that seems like something she'd learn as part of security training, of course, it could also just be another facet of Blackjack's poor magical aptitude, but needing the instructions on the idea of reassembling from disparate sources is a nice bit of contrast to the world she knew, where the weapons were in generally good repair.
“Reapers is what happens when raiders grow up. They’re the baddest of the baddest. Don’t take shit off nopony. There’s only a hundred of ‘em, cause the only way to join is ta kill another Reaper hoof to hoof. Monsters one and all,” Scoodle said darkly.
Either that's changed, or Scoodle doesn't know as much as she thinks she does. I'm going with the latter, or she's simplifying greatly, because what happens if a Reaper dies other than in hand-to-hand combat? 'Course, Blackjack qualifies even under the restrictive requirements, possibly, due to Gorgon.
“Arloste’s too nice ta be a Reaper, so it’d never happen,” Scoodle countered.
Laughing so hard at this.
If we ever come down with worms we always ask them fer help. They got this medicine that’ll clean ya out lickity-split!
Lovely.
But that reminded me of something from the Setting Discussion thread which struck me as weird: Hinds or someone was talking about public hygene concerns (in the future) over STDs. Which, sure, why not be concerned about the issue once things settle down a little? But I'd come to assume STDs don't exist in FoE, with (as far as I could remember) them being mentioned never between FoE, PH, MN7, ATR, PE, and every other story in the universe I'd read. Sure, reasons can be made for some of them, but I'd think that at minimum it might have come up in PH and MN7, from Glory or Rampage and Glimmerlight (or a physician) respectively, even if the viewpoint character might have reasons (maybe Stables were clean even if the general population at the time the bombs fell wasn't, in Blackjack's case (also Littlepip), and Murky (like Puppysmiles and the female protagonist of ATR) is uneducated and ignorant) not to think about them.
“I mean about what we should do? While I don’t mind helping ponies who need it, I doubt that Reaper has given up. We need information.” I lifted my PipBuck. “We need to learn about that Reaper. We need to find out what EC-1101 is. Why it was worth attacking Stable 99.”
"What do you mean 'we,' kemosabe?"
I’d soon think to myself, ‘Oh, silly Blackjack, it can always get worse.’
So, so true.
Not much to say about Scoodle, but I just love the Silver Spoon conversation, with Blackjack trying to hold herself together and flailing desperately to keep the conversation flowing despite being entirely out of her depth. Oh, and of course, there wasn't the same kind of time given to it, but as with Tiara herself, this did a nice job of adding some sympathy for an unlikable character, even while maintaining some of her obnoxious tone.
“You’re not the first. And if I can be blunt, your fuck-up only killed one filly. I’ve known ponies whose fuck-ups killed millions. So on the grand scale of fuck-ups, I think you’re overrating yourself.”
And yes, it's true. Granted, in large part the self-adsorbtion never really goes away, paradoxically driving Blackjack to do ever more for everyone else.
“So I’m asking you: Is this it? Are you just a pony that wallows in self-pity and kicks herself for a mistake, or not? Because if this is it, then I’ll leave you be. I can’t help you. You can’t help anypony.”
It's a good speech, but I have to think that the timing is a little misplaced, since she hasn't really been lying around pitying herself, but critically ill and delusional from radiation sickness. Sure, he could know about what she was like beforehand, or maybe she was talking in her delerium, or it could even be purely prospective, but it seems at least a little premature.
Turns out, starting involved me getting off that filthy bed and finding some Rad-Away before I either died outright or grew a second head.
Yay, latency phase!
“Let me? You’re dying of radiation poisoning, Blackjack. How are you planning to stop me?” he asked as he turned towards the ruined gazebo.
I just looked at him, then down at the lounging mutant alligators. The rifle came up and without any hesitation I fired a shot right into a mutant gator. It gave a bellow and rose out of the water, charging towards the two of us. P-21 stared at me with a scathing look that would do any raider proud, eyelid twitching, before he turned and ran for cover.
Loved this. Quick thinking and what may well be compassion and forethought bring a good solution that also serves as a witty rejoinder to P-21. But that doesn't change the fact P-21 may still be screwed without her.
Ah, P-21 finally breaking it down for Blackjack. Still doesn't catch on immediately, but what do you expect? And you can't forget the "Not wanting to do anything isn't the same as not being able to do what you want" point.
“Tell me you had some pining need to be an atmospheric maintenance mare like Rivets. Did you curse your rotten luck that you missed out on protein recycling duty or an exciting future in waste management?”
Love that attack. And it's entirely true. She had expressed something of a desire she'd been in food prep since the stable would be doomed with her as the head of security, but nothing as something she wanted to do.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I think you were one of the best mares in security. Nopony else would have tried to stop Daisy and Marmalade from beating the snot out of a male.
I bet Gin Rummy might have. But yeah, not many others, and almost certainly not of the late shift.
“I was just being stupid,” I muttered, keeping my eyes down. “I have a habit of doing that.”
“You have a habit of being reckless, Blackjack. What you did was brave, even with that glowing ghoul.
P-21 cares about precision of language.
More to the point, though, if not friendship, there is at least a degree of respect growing, on both sides.
- Chapter Four Running Thoughts:
What was he worried about? My E.F.S. would pick up any threats.
After chapter three, that's not too comforting. There wasn't much time since then, probably, and at the end of it Blackjack wasn't counting on E.F.S. to catch everything, herself.
Except buried ghouls… I started looking a little more closely at those lumps, too.
. . . Oh.
The next few recordings were little more than rants against… well… just about everypony.
Now I want to read everything she says and writes in a Nixon voice.
I could have told her that Mom put me on C shift because that was when I’d be least likely to embarrass her.
Ah, that's what I thought. Presumably similar with Daisy and Marmalade.
I almost stopped… but fuck it. He was going to be in a bad mood either way. Why’d I have to leave Stable 99 with the pony carrying a whole stable’s worth of issues? Why not U-14? Least then I’d be in the Wasteland with some fine flank. Sighing at the injustices in my life, I listened to the next few entries.
Man it would be nice if that were irony on Blackjack's part. I guess even learning more, it did take the recordings of her to really bring a phase change.
Third, he clearly had a grasp of the Overmare’s psychology. I suspect we’re looking for somepony who’s spent time in a stable themselves.
Well, three out of four ain't bad.
“For the moment, we need guns, bullets, and caps.”
“Yeah, but it’s not like we’re just going to happen across some place we can just…” He trailed off as he saw my grin. His blue ears drooped. “Red bars?”
They're like the Wasteland version of an ATM!
Note, of course, the grin. Plays into
“Seeking out death and danger for fun and profit. What a life.”
It didn't take long for Blackjack to start enjoying killing as a means of survival and recreation. And it's something I have to be ambivalent about, because on the one hand it just feels weird to be on someone's side when they feel that way, but on the other, well, having it be fun for her keeps the tone more fun for me as well, compared to every engagement leading to unhappiness (and SERIOUSNESS) all the way through. And maybe it's not entirely the case, but I kind of had that overall impression with FoE, and not to its credit. Kind of a Nightwing vs. Batman thing going on there, and it's nice to have a protagonist who's enjoying herself.
“I guess they weren’t made to resist being attacked by some pony with a heavy metal stick.”
Bit of a surprise, actually, since it seemed that zebra combatants would fairly often get up close and personal.
and was rewarded with some tools and a strange boxy object shaped like a pistol
Which you may recognize from being shot with one.
They even had some bottle caps on them and some strange flimsy paper money I’d never seen before.
If the Enclave had real money backed by real gold or real beverage container seals, they wouldn't have all the problems they do. Mystery solved.
“Any idea what this is?” I asked, pointing the boxy pistol at the wall.
"Any idea what this is?" I asked, answering my own question in the ensuing narration. :D
“It doesn’t have a barrel!” I countered, but l took his point to heart. “Well, better than nothing. Ready to go in?”
In the Fallout system, I'm not sure that an energy weapon is better than nothing with the skill you have with them.
I also lucked into a cafeteria and found some delicious Big Mac ‘n’ Cheese and a working vending machine.
I guess only Twilight needed to give approval for use of her name (or have the users pretend they got it, anyway). That, or the Apples were in hard times.
Her eyes widened in terror and she moved her head completely out from behind the cable. My smile vanished as I looked at the boxy business end of a magic beam pistol. The yellow mark turned red as she screamed around the clenched handle and my world became filled with red light.
Remember, it's good luck! Also, you're already qualified to be a member of the club once you join the group, which is distinct from the club!
“She shot me,” I groaned, my face sporting an ugly black burn that ran from jaw to ear.
How does she know this at this point? She can't see her own face without a mirror, and that doesn't come until later. Did P-21 tell her?
“There’s a bathroom down the hall. Go look in the mirror,” he said as he took out my last bottle of purified water and rolled it to the pegasus curled up in the corner of the room next to the hatch.
The rolling the bottle over is a nice detail. Smart.
“Well… fuck…” I said lamely as I finished the bottle of lukewarm soda.
Shell shock or whatever, it just gets me that the sequence is basically *sees eyes*, "Huh," *goes back to drinking soda*.
Blackjack takes things in stride. Sometimes, anyway.
“No idea,” he said as I started on my last Sparkle-Cola. Darn things were addictive!
They sure are. Ironic, kind of, that it is, I think, the one "drug" she even waves a hoof at being addicted to or dependent on psychologically.
I contacted Thunderhead, but they haven’t sent shit to help. They told me to come home. There are kids here who need to be evacuated. Can anypony hear me?
An inauspicious start to an inauspicious reign, especially since this is something that would have required some Rad-X and not much else to handle.
“Fuckers… fuckers abandoned us… told me… told me to stop transmitting… switched channels on me… fuckers… didn’t give a shit for the kids.”
Yep.
“There was nothing we could do,” she said in a soft, buzzing drawl. “After the bombs went off… every pegasus that could get home was recalled. We had to save as much as we could.”
Can't deny, I don't think I was ever much of a fan of party-line Glory. Thankfully there was a lot more to her than that.
“Warned you?” P-21 gave me a concerned look.
“That the surface was deadly and savage,” she said softly as she rubbed her face with her hoof. “That all surface ponies do is rape and murder and then rape what they murdered.”
How could they forget the part about skinning you to make their clothing? Or eating you? Or the fact you can't count on any particular sequence to hold?
I wagered I was the only pony in the Wasteland who could attract pacifists.
Eh, they'll get over it. At least you weren't seeking out a straw pacifist.
“There were some protests… nothing serious. Just a lot of us wanting to come down. That’s why the Volunteer Corps were established.” And ripped to pieces by raiders. Convenient.
I'd say Blackjack seems pretty cynical there, but given the warning from Scoodle, the recording, and her own experiences with authority, it's pretty justified.
I levitated a pointed rock and scratched out ‘Brolly’ and ‘He tried.’ on the trunk. I spotted both of them staring at me oddly; P-21 had an approving look and Morning Glory simply seemed confused.
Well, at least you could do something for an early failed hero of the Wasteland.
I didn’t care; I didn’t want to discuss the equinity of any pony so crazy they adopted radical new styles of dentistry to suit their dietary habits.
Fair point. And the humor has been pretty frequent and pretty strong this chapter.
Me too. The Wasteland made murderers of everypony.
Well, you're the one who said it. But as I recall, Rampage won't agree for quite some time.
Glory lay curled on her side on the far end of the trailer in her smelly uniform. I’d give sexual favors for a laundromat right now.
I think
it was established you'd give sexual favors for a lot of things.
“…let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go…
When pain is all you have, let it go.”
Was this changed for some kind of copywrite issue? I know FimFiction recently did its thing with lyrics, but does EqD have that policy, too?
“What the fuck? Who the hell was that? How does he know what I’m doing? What…” Suddenly I knew. “Watcher…”
That's . . . actually an entirely justified assumption. Of course, given how he was just tearing in to her not long ago, I'm not sure he'd be building her up this soon.
(Huge thanks to Mr. H for helping me make this ten times better than I could on my own.)
So, this is where Hinds started helping out? Neat!
- Chapters Three and Four Overall Thoughts:
Four confirms the Overmare of 99 as a paranoid psychopath, albeit one that might be justified in her paranoia, at least after it's alienated everyone under her. Likewise, some educated guesses about Sanguine. A lot of the chapter is getting in to the weather station, where we meet Glory who naturally shoots Blackjack, since we also meet the glowy eyes for real. The Brolly recording about the pegasi abandoning a building full of foals kind of paints the Enclave as an organization born over the corpses of those they could have helped. Glory spouts the party line, a frustrating trait I'm glad becomes less prevalent over time, and does some expositing. Blackjack and P-21 think she and the Corps are dupes, sent to the surface to die so that the Enclave can be rid of an inconvenience. Leads to the Pony Joe's donut shop fight with the raiders, which was interesting in how it broke down into several discrete phases, and brought Glory to help out in a kill, which she doesn't take well. Right at the end, we're introduced to DJ Pon3, who gives Blackjack her monicer as the "Security Mare" while singing her praises for taking out the raiders at Whithers and Pony Joe's, leading to soon-to-be familiar complaining about how it's a whitewashed history that also relegates P-21 and Glory to "and there were to other guys there" status.
- Chapter Three Editing:
only one space after period
Between P-21 and I we’d be able to do it, but it would still be quite a weight.
possible example of Blackjack's chronic difficulty with reflexive pronouns as a feature of the narrative voice, but if not, "I" -> "me". In either case, comma before "we."
“What about the rest of this?” P-21 asked as he opened
should have only one space after period.
with her for mentioning it. “Scoo!
only one space after period
I’d like to think that I’d get over this eventually, but somehow I didn’t think I would.
maybe "I'd have liked" or "I would've liked" to move to past?
“Wasn’t the zebras!” Boing jumped in.
I think there should be only one space after the quotation?
“Heads!” Was all Scoodle shouted before drawing her gun
I think there should be only one space after the quotation and "Was" shouldn't be capitalized.
No… a rattle?
only one space after ellipsis or capitalize "a."
turned to the Crusaders and P-21. “Is that what you’re
only one space after the period
my body felt like it’d been beaten. The Crusaders didn’t
three spaces after period
over my hind legs. I drifted between guilt-ridden
only one space after period
“So I’m asking you: Is this it?
"Is" shouldn't be capitalized
“I’m dying without that Rad-away,”
second "a" in "Rad-away" should be capitalized
‘Don’t let radiation get you down,’ the label read.
‘RadAway, your source of radiation relief,’ it proclaimed.
comma to outside of quotes?
- Chapter Four Editing:
"Rivets's"
Stable-Tec to do something premature... The less shock to
Second space after ellipsis or no capitalization for "The"
Tape has been disposed of. The sabotaged terminal
only one space after period
Not her. Not anypony.”
Shouldn't end with quotation mark
as quickly as I could. Despite being made out
only one space after period
“Huh… I think I prefer raiders. They at least carry loot,” I said sourly as I looked at the plate on its chest that read ‘Robronco.’
period to outside of quotation marks
He carefully withdrew several components; small containers of crushed crystals that were apparently ammo of some sort, something called a ‘spark battery’, and quite a bit of ‘scrap electronics’.
semicolon -> colon
I continued forward towards more red dots. The dead wood ended abruptly
only one space after period
This is just weird.” I said as I levitated it
period to comma
The little dial on the back of the pistol was hovering on E.
should "E" be in single-quotes?
There were more pegasi corpses in the hallway;
"pegasus"
P-21 said softly. “She was alone, starving,
only one space after period
pegasus skeleton in the corner… It wasn’t the species,
should have second space after ellipsis
Hey, what happened…?” Suddenly I could hear a noise
only one space after quotation
from murdering scum sounds fine to me.” I said as I
period -> comma
I let Glory take some potshots at the Bloatsprites.
"Bloatsprites" shouldn't be capitalized
off with the Enclave’s offer. I kept thinking back
only one space after the period
“Don’t.” I repeated through
period to comma
and get in here! Squaaaaar!” A mare shrieked from the
"A" shouldn't be capitalized
Suddenly Morning Glory appeared on the roof of the donut shop
comma after suddenly?
“Shoot!” P-21 and I shouted in unison.
should have only one space after quotation
“That was Sweetie Belle with ‘Let it go.’ Just giving us all a reminder that sometimes,
period to outside of quotes?
- Other chapter editing:
33: Using my light amplification goggles, I loaded up on more Rad-X, Radaway, healing potions, and rations from a storeroom.
Second "a" in Radaway should be capitalized
37: Looking around the two storey foyer of the building,
"story" (you only use this spelling twice)
55: I said as we walked through the marble foyer of the three storey ‘country club’
"story"
56: levitated out packets of Radaway, draining them as she moved.
to levitate another packet of Rad-away to her mouth, clutched her stomach, and vomited a slurry of red and orange.
a tablet of buck, sucked some Rad-away, and healed herself with a potion.
Second "a" in RadAway/Rad-Away should be capitalized.
"buck" (in the third one) should be capitalized
So yeah, after all that, I do feel better. Thanks, Somber!
Yep! My, that was a while ago. And what a tremendous stroke of luck...Icy Shake wrote:So, this is where Hinds started helping out?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:33 am
Well, not to pry, but if it's something you can (and would care to) share . . . in what way?O. Hinds wrote:Yep! My, that was a while ago. And what a tremendous stroke of luck...Icy Shake wrote:So, this is where Hinds started helping out?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:58 am
Oh, it's quite simple: I joined the team (which didn't exist prior to my arrival, so... formed the team? That sounds like it gives me too much credit, though.) completely by chance; Somber and I didn't know each other at all prior to working on PH. Basically, I was bored, I was looking through one of the EQD FoE side stories threads, and I happened to decide to read one called "Project Horizons". Now, it seems really strange now, given how big the story's become, but, back then, there really was nothing in particular to distinguish it from all the other stories on the page. Two chapters, no cover image, a Fallout Equestria Colon Something title... I could have quite easily picked any of the other stories on the page to read that day. I didn't, though, and, on another whim, I decided to post the mechanical errors and continuity error I'd spotted in the comments (which were for every story in the side stories thread). My memory is not entirely clear on what happened next, unfortunately, but I presume that it involved a conversation with Somber and me showing up to help out with Chapter 3.Icy Shake wrote:Well, not to pry, but if it's something you can (and would care to) share . . . in what way?O. Hinds wrote:Yep! My, that was a while ago. And what a tremendous stroke of luck...Icy Shake wrote:So, this is where Hinds started helping out?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Jan 20, 2014 12:39 pm
I'm glad I could help, Icy. I'm 12p in on 64.
I'm also glad that folks liked 63. One of the problems of first person is it makes it REALLY hard to see other things happening in the world. The character has to pull a Henry V and go in disguise or ease drop or something.
I'm also glad that folks liked 63. One of the problems of first person is it makes it REALLY hard to see other things happening in the world. The character has to pull a Henry V and go in disguise or ease drop or something.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Jan 20, 2014 11:13 pm
Well, this is certainly overdue. Sorry about that... what with the chapter getting dropped at the eleventh hour (literally) of Sunday evening, I didn't have a decent block of time to sit down and read. Fortunately, this chapter's structure lent itself to multiple shorter sessions, so I eventually worked my way through it. I'm sure I have a zillion pages of posts to catch up on, now.
- Ch. 63 Commentary:
Third time’s a charm... first Stable 99 without Lacunae’s rescue, then the dark future of BJ’s absence, now... what? Current events? The near-future if BJ doesn’t crawl out from under that Raptor?The halls of Stable 99 smelled differently than I remembered...
OK, so definitely near-future, after Sunshine and Rainbows."While the factions have put their differences aside for the moment, they’re still mopping up splinters of Red Eye’s forces all over the countryside."
Okay, there we go. So given the decay of the Project Horizons signal, it should be just about ready to go off... right?...Blackjack’s been dead for a quarter of a year.
This is just... beautiful. In a manly sort of way.The one power-armored soldier who didn’t found himself scooped up, moved deftly aside, and set down in one elegant pirouette that didn’t even break Stronghoof’s stride.
This passage kind of makes me sad we don’t get to see more of the Rangers in PH.Crumpets scooped her helmet off her backside with a hoof and set it on her head. With practiced ease, the hoses were connected, and her visor flashed to life, bringing up the familiar red and yellow E.F.S. display.
Ah, okay. So it’s an emitted click, not just the sound of metal on metal.Every step Fargazer took, her PipBuck let out a click.
Uh. That, uh. That sounds uncomfortably like the green sparks from the Robomination and Dawn’s augs. I think shit be going down.As if on cue, the skies were illuminated with a brilliant greenish-white bolt snaking along the skies, followed by another massive crack. “Freaky.”
Well... okay... so I guess this isn’t a vision after all? Surely BJ hasn’t been in... I don’t know, “stasis lock” for 3 entire months? If nothing else, she should have run out of power in days and died when her backup reserve ran out.“The natives are getting restless, what with Security being gone,” Splendid said as he admired his newly acquired PipBuck.
...unless, of course, Cog “rescued” her...
WHAT.The little drains hidden everywhere were proof of that.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?
Pfffthahaha.“Dude. They’re internal, and you’re not my type.”
Living Anatomy: it’s not just for the damage bonus!
Ew.The detonation of the grenade made the dragon swell immensely, throwing Candlewick aside as moment later the insides of the dragon exploded out of both ends.
Oh my god.He was covered head to toe in armor made of the flattened appliances that were his namesake.
You turned it into a pony.
You turned it into a pony you crazy bastard!
I’d ask who and why, but I know who...Many of the injuries ran deep. They plunged through the cores of the towers, paths ripped and cut through the original structures and strung with silver cables. Walls breached. Floors collapsed. Ceilings missing. Equipment relocated with little point or purpose for its placement. Shafts laid out and connected to motors relocated from elsewhere in the building. The mad vandals’ redistribution violated all sense and reason, placing traffic poles in the heights of skyscrapers and dangling elevator cabling from one rooftop to the foundation of its neighbor. And everywhere was the glint of silver wire.
Does this description remind anyone else of the Divide? I mean, not the silver wires everywhere, but the tumbled, abandoned skyscrapers.
These are indeed remarkably ponyish names.Bebop! Rocksteady!
Ouch...There'd been a lot of new young ponies coming into chapel these days, many of them pegasi.
I’m sure there were innumerable German soldiers who were equally good and decent human beings. Doesn’t make the regime they served any better nor the goals they fought for any less awful.“I knew hundreds of soldiers in the Enclave who were good, loyal, and true! Yes, we had problems that needed addressing, that is abundantly clear, but we were not all war criminals!”
Sounds ideal for a one-way rescue mission into somewhere nasty.“Oh, she’d fly. Her reactor and main turbines are fine. You just wouldn’t be able to slow down, and steering would be pretty minimal. Perhaps for three minutes at top speed before the engines exploded.”
That would be a creepy ghost story even if I didn’t have a couple of guesses about the source of the “help”.Rainbow Dash grinned and leaned in. “What nopony realized was that sometimes workers would come back in the morning and find all the work completely finished. Tunnels that were started got finished way sooner than planned. Some people figured the towers went up so fast that they were hollow, but every single one of them was filled with stuff. Look at Shadowbolt Tower. I don’t care how awesome Scootaloo was, nopony could have built that in twenty years, let alone five. Nopony is sure exactly where everything is or what it’s supposed to be. It just is.”
Guess that explains the drains everywhere...
Don’t worry, Dash. You will. You will.“To friends. May they always be reunited.”
*liquid pride*
Okay, so at this point, I was getting groggy, so I went to bed.There was only one direction in this city: down.
I just woke up with the idea in my head that this chapter represents the classic Fallout ending slideshow, and the author’s note would start with, “Game over. Reloading from last save.” The rest of the note would go on to apologize profusely for needing to back up a couple of chapters.
It’s silly, but I had to go get my computer and scroll down to the end just to make sure that wasn’t the case.
...
Okay, it’s not. Goin’ back to bed now.
Wooo! Go Sekashi! And by the way, that makes an oddly awesome battle cry.“That reminds me of a very funny story,” a mare said as she stepped out of the rain with a length of bamboo across her shoulders.
You'd better tell them what you know before she starts playing "Why?"Majina, though, was more interested in Adama’s dropped spear and gestured down at the massive polearm. “Wow! That’s a really big spear! What do you hunt with that? Super enormous mega kubwa radroaches?”
Pokey."If I could, I would take Pokey and leave this place. I long to hear the sea waves on rocky shores again."
You named your harpoon “Pokey”.
...
I like this zebra. Can we keep her?
Given that he was named after “the slaying spear”, I assume this should be pronounced “Im-pay-lee-eye”.“You seem... happier... being cursed, Impalii.”
Hah, so it didn’t hit her at all?Even the massive airship, wedged vertically between two skyscrapers with its nose suspended mere feet from the cracked asphalt, seemed as if it'd plunged here centuries rather than months ago. The slow trickle of red dripping from its ports and breaches was the only evidence to the contrary.
That only worries me more. Blackjack, where the hay are you?
Did anyone else just feel a chill?Moonshadow glared flatly at her. “And I’m telling you that I’ve seen this wavelength before.”
“When?” Morningstar asked.
“Observing a section of space about five months ago."
Shit. That’s why the lightning is green.But there aren’t very many stars that produce a green wavelength of magic.
So... the Eater of Souls is resonating with a preexisting spell that came from the explosion of a star millions of years ago? And not just that, but the explosion of a weird-colored star. We know the EoS was a blue star, so it couldn’t be his own magic -- and that's ignoring that the dead core couldn’t have exceeded light speed to get here ahead of it anyway.It’s probably been hitting Equestria for centuries now.
So who’s the real badguy, here?
Sure, but what would the Eater’s crash have to do with a supernova millions of light years away?“Could something else have arrived eighty million years ago too?”
Cripes, that’s creepy...“When she injured you, her wings must have shed millions of these into your wounds. They’re all over your cells,” Glory said with a frown.
Ohthankgod!Sky Striker cleared his throat. “How’s your new wing? Still sore?”
Glory turned and examined at her left wing where once there’d been just a stump. “A little. I haven’t been able to fly yet.”
Woah.Vivid green boils of magic bubbled along Triage’s horn, exploding in bursts of green and purple.
Just... woah.
What, on BJ? Or Boo? How would Moonshadow have seen the subharmonic pattern of BJ’s anti-enervation if they just dug up possibly the only microfrequency analyzer in existence?“What,” Morningstar said, noticing Moonshadow’s distraction. “Don’t tell me you’ve seen that pattern before too?”
Moonshadow tapped her muzzle with a hoof, then slowly smiled. “You know what? I think I have...”
Ah. So this is where Horse’s repairasprites, or whatever they were called, come back in...It was not the sole source of movement in the city, though. Through the streets whirled storms of black and silver. The murmuring buzz resonated in the same key as that horrible note that suffused everything in this place. The whirlwinds swept around the city in a gale, ripping apart anything that caught their attention before proceeding on. Like water, they were constantly in motion, those tiny black and silver dots. When still, they formed inky shimmery mats that could explode into a fury of motion.
Uhhhh. If BJ isn’t crushed under a Raptor... and Cog doesn’t have her... then where in the nine circles of Hell is she?!For instance, if Blackjack is so vital, you should allow me to take some Harbingers and search for her, but instead we’ve been sitting on our asses gathering numbers and training with no mention of what we are gathering and training for.
Uh oh. That's a good sign that one of these two isn't getting out of here alive.He slapped her hard across the face with a hoof.
Whatever you say, Sunset Shimmer.Don’t you understand? She’s intervened twice to save her life. The Goddess has never done that for me! I’m her most devoted servant! I’m her most faithful.
Hey! That was the question Vader got wrong!“And you are a traitor and a corpse, ” she said calmly.
http://www.keegan.org/jeff/humor/darthquiz.html
Ffffff--okay, BJ had the Perceptitron, so this is either BJ or Boo...“Wait. There’s another tapped into your Pipbuck.”
“Another?”
“Yes,” the mare purred. “Someone has tapped into your sensory data feed. Backtracking it in three… two… on--”
What in Tartarus have you been doing, BJ?! What in the name of Celestia's flaming farts takes three months of radio silence to accomplish? For this entire chapter, I didn't want to believe she'd leave everyone hanging for that long, but I guess that's exactly what she did. She'd better have one hell of a good explanation in the next chapter.I reached up, pulled off the Perceptitron, and magically yanked the wires from my PipBuck. “Boo. Wake up,” I said, nudging the sleeping blank besides me.
(Funny, isn't it, how you get angry at a fictional character for stuff like this rather than the author. But, as they say, Out of Character is Serious Business.)
...And now you’re going to make me go back and see that there was a PipBuck in every scene in this chapter.
...
Okay, I did. There wasn’t one in the Steel Ranger scene until Farsight showed up, but I guess it’s implied that the armor has all the functions of one.
I realize now that Lancer of all ponies had EFS, which implies he’s wearing a PipBuck now. I’m still working through several assorted layers of “when”, “why”, and “I’m surprised he doesn’t consider it cheating.”
- Editing:
The rain is fresh and open? Shouldn't this be "open air and fresh rain" or something like that?Whenever they wanted, they could walk out the front door, past the Steel Rangers, and into the fresh and open air and rain.
One of these rueful smiles should be changed.“Trying to. That ‘equality for all’ line might have caught on if you hadn’t made your changes,” he admitted, his smile rueful.
[...]
“On me, as well. I don’t think my hooves or back have ever been so sore,” she said with a rueful smile.
The "Each step and..." construction is kind of weird, and it sounds like the powerhooves are emitting blobs of molten glass. This should probably be something like, "With each step, the bright-orange metal hooves let out a click and left a little smear of molten glass behind him."Each step and the bright orange metal hooves let out a click and a little smear of molten glass beneath him.
Are you sure Candlewick is the one doing the deflating here?Collapsing like a deflated balloon, Candlewick landed in a heap in the middle of the arena.
Two problems -- one, end this with a comma, and two, he should rasp after he realizes, not at the same time. "Then he blinked as he realized that what he’d said might have been confidential and hastily rasped,"Then he blinked and realized what he said might have been confidential as he hastily rasped.
machine guns“If your grenade machineguns can blow up rain, go for it. Otherwise, push!”
Capitalize "Chapel".There'd been a lot of new young ponies coming into chapel these days, many of them pegasi.
powder“Mud neutralizes the itching power,”
RazorbladeIn a dash, Razorwire was out the gazebo and rolling in the mud, along with all the others who had failed the test.
Baling Wire. It's used to hold hay in bales.“Also important. And once everypony saw Bailing Wire play his trick on Trumpet here, what happened to him?”
You didn’t say anything untoward here, but for the record, I want to note that the wilting and browning of dead vegetation is a purely physical/chemical process that doesn’t require bacteria. Just in case it comes up.Public parks, roadside trees, interior arboretums, and even magical home gardens abounded, their contents all dead but perfectly preserved in the grip of Enervation.
whacked...and finally wacked her legs out from under her.
This should be either “theories about the Legate you should hear” or “theories about the Legate. You should hear them.”“Adama, if we survive this, my mother has... theories... about the Legate. You should hear.”
This was confusing to me. You might replace "hips" with "pelvis" and "chest" with "torso" to make it more clear what's separated from what.Her four legs were connected only by wires, and her hips were a full foot removed from her chest, the gap strung by metallic cables and vertebrae.
Oh,“Oh I’ve wanted to do that for months.”
Damping. Dampening makes things wet, damping dissipates energy.When we started hunting her, you told me that cyberponies had natural EM dampening.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:19 am
Ah, thank you.SilentCarto wrote:Well, this is certainly overdue. Sorry about that... what with the chapter getting dropped at the eleventh hour (literally) of Sunday evening, I didn't have a decent block of time to sit down and read. Fortunately, this chapter's structure lent itself to multiple shorter sessions, so I eventually worked my way through it. I'm sure I have a zillion pages of posts to catch up on, now.
- Ch. 63 Commentary:
...unless, of course, Cog “rescued” her...WHAT.The little drains hidden everywhere were proof of that.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?Pfffthahaha.“Dude. They’re internal, and you’re not my type.”
Living Anatomy: it’s not just for the damage bonus!Ew.The detonation of the grenade made the dragon swell immensely, throwing Candlewick aside as moment later the insides of the dragon exploded out of both ends.Oh my god.He was covered head to toe in armor made of the flattened appliances that were his namesake.
You turned it into a pony.
You turned it into a pony you crazy bastard!I’d ask who and why, but I know who...Many of the injuries ran deep. They plunged through the cores of the towers, paths ripped and cut through the original structures and strung with silver cables. Walls breached. Floors collapsed. Ceilings missing. Equipment relocated with little point or purpose for its placement. Shafts laid out and connected to motors relocated from elsewhere in the building. The mad vandals’ redistribution violated all sense and reason, placing traffic poles in the heights of skyscrapers and dangling elevator cabling from one rooftop to the foundation of its neighbor. And everywhere was the glint of silver wire.
Does this description remind anyone else of the Divide? I mean, not the silver wires everywhere, but the tumbled, abandoned skyscrapers.These are indeed remarkably ponyish names.Bebop! Rocksteady!Ouch...There'd been a lot of new young ponies coming into chapel these days, many of them pegasi.I’m sure there were innumerable German soldiers who were equally good and decent human beings. Doesn’t make the regime they served any better nor the goals they fought for any less awful.“I knew hundreds of soldiers in the Enclave who were good, loyal, and true! Yes, we had problems that needed addressing, that is abundantly clear, but we were not all war criminals!”Sounds ideal for a one-way rescue mission into somewhere nasty.“Oh, she’d fly. Her reactor and main turbines are fine. You just wouldn’t be able to slow down, and steering would be pretty minimal. Perhaps for three minutes at top speed before the engines exploded.”That would be a creepy ghost story even if I didn’t have a couple of guesses about the source of the “help”.Rainbow Dash grinned and leaned in. “What nopony realized was that sometimes workers would come back in the morning and find all the work completely finished. Tunnels that were started got finished way sooner than planned. Some people figured the towers went up so fast that they were hollow, but every single one of them was filled with stuff. Look at Shadowbolt Tower. I don’t care how awesome Scootaloo was, nopony could have built that in twenty years, let alone five. Nopony is sure exactly where everything is or what it’s supposed to be. It just is.”
Guess that explains the drains everywhere...Don’t worry, Dash. You will. You will.“To friends. May they always be reunited.”
*liquid pride*Okay, so at this point, I was getting groggy, so I went to bed.There was only one direction in this city: down.
I just woke up with the idea in my head that this chapter represents the classic Fallout ending slideshow, and the author’s note would start with, “Game over. Reloading from last save.” The rest of the note would go on to apologize profusely for needing to back up a couple of chapters.
It’s silly, but I had to go get my computer and scroll down to the end just to make sure that wasn’t the case.
...
Okay, it’s not. Goin’ back to bed now.Wooo! Go Sekashi! And by the way, that makes an oddly awesome battle cry.“That reminds me of a very funny story,” a mare said as she stepped out of the rain with a length of bamboo across her shoulders.You'd better tell them what you know before she starts playing "Why?"Majina, though, was more interested in Adama’s dropped spear and gestured down at the massive polearm. “Wow! That’s a really big spear! What do you hunt with that? Super enormous mega kubwa radroaches?”Pokey."If I could, I would take Pokey and leave this place. I long to hear the sea waves on rocky shores again."
You named your harpoon “Pokey”.
...
I like this zebra. Can we keep her?Given that he was named after “the slaying spear”, I assume this should be pronounced “Im-pay-lee-eye”.“You seem... happier... being cursed, Impalii.”Hah, so it didn’t hit her at all?Even the massive airship, wedged vertically between two skyscrapers with its nose suspended mere feet from the cracked asphalt, seemed as if it'd plunged here centuries rather than months ago. The slow trickle of red dripping from its ports and breaches was the only evidence to the contrary.
That only worries me more. Blackjack, where the hay are you?Did anyone else just feel a chill?Moonshadow glared flatly at her. “And I’m telling you that I’ve seen this wavelength before.”
“When?” Morningstar asked.
“Observing a section of space about five months ago."Shit. That’s why the lightning is green.But there aren’t very many stars that produce a green wavelength of magic.So... the Eater of Souls is resonating with a preexisting spell that came from the explosion of a star millions of years ago? And not just that, but the explosion of a weird-colored star. We know the EoS was a blue star, so it couldn’t be his own magic -- and that's ignoring that the dead core couldn’t have exceeded light speed to get here ahead of it anyway.It’s probably been hitting Equestria for centuries now.
So who’s the real badguy, here?Sure, but what would the Eater’s crash have to do with a supernova millions of light years away?“Could something else have arrived eighty million years ago too?”Cripes, that’s creepy...“When she injured you, her wings must have shed millions of these into your wounds. They’re all over your cells,” Glory said with a frown.Ohthankgod!Sky Striker cleared his throat. “How’s your new wing? Still sore?”
Glory turned and examined at her left wing where once there’d been just a stump. “A little. I haven’t been able to fly yet.”Woah.Vivid green boils of magic bubbled along Triage’s horn, exploding in bursts of green and purple.
Just... woah.What, on BJ? Or Boo? How would Moonshadow have seen the subharmonic pattern of BJ’s anti-enervation if they just dug up possibly the only microfrequency analyzer in existence?“What,” Morningstar said, noticing Moonshadow’s distraction. “Don’t tell me you’ve seen that pattern before too?”
Moonshadow tapped her muzzle with a hoof, then slowly smiled. “You know what? I think I have...”Ah. So this is where Horse’s repairasprites, or whatever they were called, come back in...It was not the sole source of movement in the city, though. Through the streets whirled storms of black and silver. The murmuring buzz resonated in the same key as that horrible note that suffused everything in this place. The whirlwinds swept around the city in a gale, ripping apart anything that caught their attention before proceeding on. Like water, they were constantly in motion, those tiny black and silver dots. When still, they formed inky shimmery mats that could explode into a fury of motion.Uhhhh. If BJ isn’t crushed under a Raptor... and Cog doesn’t have her... then where in the nine circles of Hell is she?!For instance, if Blackjack is so vital, you should allow me to take some Harbingers and search for her, but instead we’ve been sitting on our asses gathering numbers and training with no mention of what we are gathering and training for.Uh oh. That's a good sign that one of these two isn't getting out of here alive.He slapped her hard across the face with a hoof.Whatever you say, Sunset Shimmer.Don’t you understand? She’s intervened twice to save her life. The Goddess has never done that for me! I’m her most devoted servant! I’m her most faithful.Hey! That was the question Vader got wrong!“And you are a traitor and a corpse, ” she said calmly.
http://www.keegan.org/jeff/humor/darthquiz.htmlFfffff--okay, BJ had the Perceptitron, so this is either BJ or Boo...“Wait. There’s another tapped into your Pipbuck.”
“Another?”
“Yes,” the mare purred. “Someone has tapped into your sensory data feed. Backtracking it in three… two… on--”What in Tartarus have you been doing, BJ?! What in the name of Celestia's flaming farts takes three months of radio silence to accomplish? For this entire chapter, I didn't want to believe she'd leave everyone hanging for that long, but I guess that's exactly what she did. She'd better have one hell of a good explanation in the next chapter.I reached up, pulled off the Perceptitron, and magically yanked the wires from my PipBuck. “Boo. Wake up,” I said, nudging the sleeping blank besides me.
(Funny, isn't it, how you get angry at a fictional character for stuff like this rather than the author. But, as they say, Out of Character is Serious Business.)
...And now you’re going to make me go back and see that there was a PipBuck in every scene in this chapter.
...
Okay, I did. There wasn’t one in the Steel Ranger scene until Farsight showed up, but I guess it’s implied that the armor has all the functions of one.
I realize now that Lancer of all ponies had EFS, which implies he’s wearing a PipBuck now. I’m still working through several assorted layers of “when”, “why”, and “I’m surprised he doesn’t consider it cheating.”
- Editing:
[...]
“On me, as well. I don’t think my hooves or back have ever been so sore,” she said with a rueful smile.The "Each step and..." construction is kind of weird, and it sounds like the powerhooves are emitting blobs of molten glass. This should probably be something like, "With each step, the bright-orange metal hooves let out a click and left a little smear of molten glass behind him."Each step and the bright orange metal hooves let out a click and a little smear of molten glass beneath him.Are you sure Candlewick is the one doing the deflating here?Collapsing like a deflated balloon, Candlewick landed in a heap in the middle of the arena.Two problems -- one, end this with a comma, and two, he should rasp after he realizes, not at the same time. "Then he blinked as he realized that what he’d said might have been confidential and hastily rasped,"Then he blinked and realized what he said might have been confidential as he hastily rasped.machine guns“If your grenade machineguns can blow up rain, go for it. Otherwise, push!”Capitalize "Chapel".There'd been a lot of new young ponies coming into chapel these days, many of them pegasi.powder“Mud neutralizes the itching power,”RazorbladeIn a dash, Razorwire was out the gazebo and rolling in the mud, along with all the others who had failed the test.Baling Wire. It's used to hold hay in bales.“Also important. And once everypony saw Bailing Wire play his trick on Trumpet here, what happened to him?”You didn’t say anything untoward here, but for the record, I want to note that the wilting and browning of dead vegetation is a purely physical/chemical process that doesn’t require bacteria. Just in case it comes up.Public parks, roadside trees, interior arboretums, and even magical home gardens abounded, their contents all dead but perfectly preserved in the grip of Enervation.whacked...and finally wacked her legs out from under her.This should be either “theories about the Legate you should hear” or “theories about the Legate. You should hear them.”“Adama, if we survive this, my mother has... theories... about the Legate. You should hear.”This was confusing to me. You might replace "hips" with "pelvis" and "chest" with "torso" to make it more clear what's separated from what.Her four legs were connected only by wires, and her hips were a full foot removed from her chest, the gap strung by metallic cables and vertebrae.Oh,“Oh I’ve wanted to do that for months.”Damping. Dampening makes things wet, damping dissipates energy.When we started hunting her, you told me that cyberponies had natural EM dampening.
Hm, yes, I can see that. Nothing else seems to me to have quite the same feeling to it, though.SilentCarto wrote:The rain is fresh and open? Shouldn't this be "open air and fresh rain" or something like that?
Eh… Sorry, but I think that it's clear as it is, and altering the wording to either of your suggestions would seem to me to change the tone.SilentCarto wrote:This should be either “theories about the Legate you should hear” or “theories about the Legate. You should hear them.”
I replaced "chest" with "barrel". Thank you, Pony Anatomy Chart.SilentCarto wrote:This was confusing to me. You might replace "hips" with "pelvis" and "chest" with "torso" to make it more clear what's separated from what.
Yeeeep. Yes, we are. :DSilentCarto wrote:WHAT.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?
Also, I think that you may be the first person to comment specifically on that… My apologies to your predecessors if this is a failure of my memory.
Crazy awesome. :)SilentCarto wrote:Oh my god.
You turned it into a pony.
You turned it into a pony you crazy bastard!
The only reasons I don't have one of those "I believe in Somber" buttons are that I'm hoping that being on the team is enough of the clue and I, ah, wasn't able to find the link.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by FeatherDust Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:55 pm
Worse, the existence of drains leads inexorably to the next question -- why bother? That's a lot of effort to go to. What benefit comes of draining off the... fluid?O. Hinds wrote:Yeeeep. Yes, we are. :DSilentCarto wrote:WHAT.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?
Also, I think that you may be the first person to comment specifically on that...
We can presume that the planner behind the drains was the same one who secretly rushed construction. We can presume reparasprites (thanks, Carto!) are the instrument of the construction work, but on whose orders? Horse? Cogs? The Eater itself? ...Who benefits from drains?
If it just to keep the city looking nice for nobody? Even if the world had not ended, who would willingly return to a city whose population inexplicably vanished? It can hardly be a public relations move.
Is liquified pony valuable in some way to Cogs?
Or is it useful to the Eater? Does it provide a unique link to the souls of those ponies? Does melting by enervation fail to release the soul the way normal death does?
So many questions come up from that one detail..!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Dekshuduph Tue Jan 21, 2014 4:03 pm
If I am to say anything here, let me first point out that they were called 'Mechasprites'. Second, I think that if the Eater was responsible for the quick construction of the city, then it's likely [he's] just trying to maintain it. The reason everything seems so out of place is that [he] has no ponies to guide [him] in where to put everything; after all, [he's] a star, you can't predict what [he] actually knows.FeatherDust wrote:Worse, the existence of drains leads inexorably to the next question -- why bother? That's a lot of effort to go to. What benefit comes of draining off the... fluid?O. Hinds wrote:Yeeeep. Yes, we are. :DSilentCarto wrote:WHAT.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?
Also, I think that you may be the first person to comment specifically on that...
We can presume that the planner behind the drains was the same one who secretly rushed construction. We can presume reparasprites (thanks, Carto!) are the instrument of the construction work, but on whose orders? Horse? Cogs? The Eater itself? ...Who benefits from drains?
If it just to keep the city looking nice for nobody? Even if the world had not ended, who would willingly return to a city whose population inexplicably vanished? It can hardly be a public relations move.
Is liquified pony valuable in some way to Cogs?
Or is it useful to the Eater? Does it provide a unique link to the souls of those ponies? Does melting by enervation fail to release the soul the way normal death does?
So many questions come up from that one detail..!
Adding to what SilentCarto said earlier about Enervation (No quote, on a tablet right now), reading that gave me an idea: Enervation comes from two different sources. The explosion of the 'green star's' magic is likely what makes living things and silver 'melt', and our Eater is what sucks the soul out of everything. The two star's magics likely both resonate with silver, causing the two major symptoms the Wastelander's call one thing. This would make everything we've seen believable. Take, for example, the preservation of dead matter? Green magic's not melting it and there won't be any bacteria alive to deteriorate it. If Enervation were alive in and of itself, it's ultimate goal might be to... stop time.
:Twilight:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Tue Jan 21, 2014 4:05 pm
THEY'RE MAKING A REAPER!FeatherDust wrote:Worse, the existence of drains leads inexorably to the next question -- why bother? That's a lot of effort to go to. What benefit comes of draining off the... fluid?O. Hinds wrote:Yeeeep. Yes, we are. :DSilentCarto wrote:WHAT.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?
Also, I think that you may be the first person to comment specifically on that...
We can presume that the planner behind the drains was the same one who secretly rushed construction. We can presume reparasprites (thanks, Carto!) are the instrument of the construction work, but on whose orders? Horse? Cogs? The Eater itself? ...Who benefits from drains?
If it just to keep the city looking nice for nobody? Even if the world had not ended, who would willingly return to a city whose population inexplicably vanished? It can hardly be a public relations move.
Is liquified pony valuable in some way to Cogs?
Or is it useful to the Eater? Does it provide a unique link to the souls of those ponies? Does melting by enervation fail to release the soul the way normal death does?
So many questions come up from that one detail..!
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 11 Tumblr_mndigb0rOu1rjm6boo1_1280](https://2img.net/h/24.media.tumblr.com/4389650b0955f46927b61e9da9ea9db4/tumblr_mndigb0rOu1rjm6boo1_1280.jpg)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Exodus Hero Tue Jan 21, 2014 4:24 pm
Scienza wrote:THEY'RE MAKING A REAPER!FeatherDust wrote:Worse, the existence of drains leads inexorably to the next question -- why bother? That's a lot of effort to go to. What benefit comes of draining off the... fluid?O. Hinds wrote:Yeeeep. Yes, we are. :DSilentCarto wrote:WHAT.
You’re telling me the liquefaction of the populace was planned for?
Also, I think that you may be the first person to comment specifically on that...
We can presume that the planner behind the drains was the same one who secretly rushed construction. We can presume reparasprites (thanks, Carto!) are the instrument of the construction work, but on whose orders? Horse? Cogs? The Eater itself? ...Who benefits from drains?
If it just to keep the city looking nice for nobody? Even if the world had not ended, who would willingly return to a city whose population inexplicably vanished? It can hardly be a public relations move.
Is liquified pony valuable in some way to Cogs?
Or is it useful to the Eater? Does it provide a unique link to the souls of those ponies? Does melting by enervation fail to release the soul the way normal death does?
So many questions come up from that one detail..!
...And PH was a Mass Effect crossover all along!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Tue Jan 21, 2014 5:16 pm
O. Hinds wrote:The only reasons I don't have one of those "I believe in Somber" buttons are that I'm hoping that being on the team is enough of the clue and I, ah, wasn't able to find the link.
? It might be just because I use firefox, but you can right-click an image and select 'copy image location' to get the url of that image. https://i.imgur.com/DPmxOI4.png
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 11 DPmxOI4](https://i.imgur.com/DPmxOI4.png)
Scienza wrote:THEY'RE MAKING A REAPER!
Surprisingly plausible! (And hilarious.) Proooobably not gonna happen that way, though. Anyways, I think the drains are so that the EoS can eat the liquified remains of everything it killed in the city. It's an omnicidal monster, why wouldn't it?
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