Cloudsville
Welcome to Cloudsville. If you're new, don't forget to sign up and say hi in the Introduction forum.

Join the forum, it's quick and easy

Cloudsville
Welcome to Cloudsville. If you're new, don't forget to sign up and say hi in the Introduction forum.
Cloudsville
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

+35
Somber
hawkeye92
Tia
Necr0maNceR
nebulous
Randombuttons
Orm
Downloaded Skill
Scyto Harmony
Katarn
SilentCarto
tylertoon2
Kattlarv
Stringtheory
222222
Ametros
Icy Shake
Kippershy
FeatherDust
Meleagridis
OneMoreDaySK
Admiral Stoic Rum
O. Hinds
CamoBadger
Caoimhe
iLateralGX
Vergil
IncoherentOrange
Sindri
Valikdu
Ketchup
Cptadder
Ironmonger
WavemasterRyx
RoboRed
39 posters

Page 18 of 32 Previous  1 ... 10 ... 17, 18, 19 ... 25 ... 32  Next

Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Ironmonger Mon Oct 01, 2012 4:48 pm

Combine Horrigan's voice with the monotone of a Terminator's helmet and you have a really intimidating voice.

Ironmonger
Daemon Prince of Bad Puns

Posts : 9006
Brohoof! : 290
Join date : 2012-08-18

Character List:
Name: Cast Iron
Sex: Male
Species: Unicorn

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:10 pm

Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Actually, reading more, it looks like that antenna is meant to go on the router? Sorry, but I think that the college might object (and I'd need something to stand on, I think... and probably more than one antenna. The routers are mounted on the hallway ceiling.)
Nah nah nah, I'm tellin' ya for sure here; he means YOUR computer / laptop.

"network adapter" being the important phrase here, seeing as he's assuming you're running off an non-integrated system (aka, dedicated network card) which can be upgraded.
Usually they'll have these two golden prod things that look almost like nuts, which an antenna cable will be tightened onto (by hand) to include an external antenna piece.

In the event of having a laptop rather than a PC, some wireless network adapter cards (read as: the higher grade ones) can have their antenna upgraded to increase signal send/receive range.


Trust me on this one, he means your end of it all. Generally routers don't get such dedicated upgrades. (and such would be pointless anyway, seeing as it's a bandwith issue and not a range of service issue.)
Ah. Well, I suppose I could find a properly sized screwdriver, take the bottom off my laptop, find something to prop it up on so there's room to run the cable underneath, try to identify the AirPort, try to find the antenna plug which may or may not exist... Yeah. Sorry, Cptadder; thank you for trying to help.
O. Hinds
O. Hinds
Zebra Engineer

Posts : 4863
Brohoof! : 383
Join date : 2012-05-09

Character List:
Name: Ris Haends Aeronauticus
Sex: Male
Species: Zebra

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:24 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Actually, reading more, it looks like that antenna is meant to go on the router? Sorry, but I think that the college might object (and I'd need something to stand on, I think... and probably more than one antenna. The routers are mounted on the hallway ceiling.)
Nah nah nah, I'm tellin' ya for sure here; he means YOUR computer / laptop.

"network adapter" being the important phrase here, seeing as he's assuming you're running off an non-integrated system (aka, dedicated network card) which can be upgraded.
Usually they'll have these two golden prod things that look almost like nuts, which an antenna cable will be tightened onto (by hand) to include an external antenna piece.

In the event of having a laptop rather than a PC, some wireless network adapter cards (read as: the higher grade ones) can have their antenna upgraded to increase signal send/receive range.


Trust me on this one, he means your end of it all. Generally routers don't get such dedicated upgrades. (and such would be pointless anyway, seeing as it's a bandwith issue and not a range of service issue.)
Ah. Well, I suppose I could find a properly sized screwdriver, take the bottom off my laptop, find something to prop it up on so there's room to run the cable underneath, try to identify the AirPort, try to find the antenna plug which may or may not exist... Yeah. Sorry, Cptadder; thank you for trying to help.

Don't be so quick to dismiss it - give me two seconds.



edit: okay, so I can't find a decent picture to explain what I'm going to do.
Anyway, on the side of your machine should be a port that's somewhere around 1cm deep by... 3 inches long perhaps?
It'll normally have 2 little buttons next to this slot which you can push in - this is your wireless network card adapter port.

I'm going to assume you might already have one or much more likely, built in wi-fi. even still, it's a standard port. it'll hold something that looks like this:

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Pc-card-inserted



Now all you have to do is try to find a wireless card that instead of using its own antenna (the block at the end) allows you to screw in the gold head wires for a custom antenna and wallah! They're not as common as a standard network card having them (seeing as standard dedicated network cards normally have them as standard) but they DO exist - I know this from personal experience.

Yes it'll push your price up, so it's up to you on if you have the money, but if you can find one they shouldn't be too expensive hopefully, I mean, it's simple tech and should cost less then the higher end laptop wireless network adapters.


Last edited by Kippershy on Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
Kippershy
Kippershy
Lord of Derail

Posts : 3493
Brohoof! : 121
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Essex, England

Character List:
Name: Crimson Wings / Cherry Sundae
Sex: Male / Female
Species: Pegasus / Unicorn

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:28 pm

Cptadder wrote:Unrelated note
Our minecraft server

Our nether portal is right in the middle of that
[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Ourportalisunderthat

Took us awhile to mine without getting a face full of lava

That...really...
...
...sucks...
RoboRed
RoboRed
Royal Alicorn

Posts : 13859
Brohoof! : 717
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 34
Location : Nebraska

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:10 pm

Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Actually, reading more, it looks like that antenna is meant to go on the router? Sorry, but I think that the college might object (and I'd need something to stand on, I think... and probably more than one antenna. The routers are mounted on the hallway ceiling.)
Nah nah nah, I'm tellin' ya for sure here; he means YOUR computer / laptop.

"network adapter" being the important phrase here, seeing as he's assuming you're running off an non-integrated system (aka, dedicated network card) which can be upgraded.
Usually they'll have these two golden prod things that look almost like nuts, which an antenna cable will be tightened onto (by hand) to include an external antenna piece.

In the event of having a laptop rather than a PC, some wireless network adapter cards (read as: the higher grade ones) can have their antenna upgraded to increase signal send/receive range.


Trust me on this one, he means your end of it all. Generally routers don't get such dedicated upgrades. (and such would be pointless anyway, seeing as it's a bandwith issue and not a range of service issue.)
Ah. Well, I suppose I could find a properly sized screwdriver, take the bottom off my laptop, find something to prop it up on so there's room to run the cable underneath, try to identify the AirPort, try to find the antenna plug which may or may not exist... Yeah. Sorry, Cptadder; thank you for trying to help.

Don't be so quick to dismiss it - give me two seconds.



edit: okay, so I can't find a decent picture to explain what I'm going to do.
Anyway, on the side of your machine should be a port that's somewhere around 1cm deep by... 3 inches long perhaps?
It'll normally have 2 little buttons next to this slot which you can push in - this is your wireless network card adapter port.

I'm going to assume you might already have one or much more likely, built in wi-fi. even still, it's a standard port. it'll hold something that looks like this:

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Pc-card-inserted



Now all you have to do is try to find a wireless card that instead of using its own antenna (the block at the end) allows you to screw in the gold head wires for a custom antenna and wallah! They're not as common as a standard network card having them (seeing as standard dedicated network cards normally have them as standard) but they DO exist - I know this from personal experience.

Yes it'll push your price up, so it's up to you on if you have the money, but if you can find one they shouldn't be too expensive hopefully, I mean, it's simple tech and should cost less then the higher end laptop wireless network adapters.
This is what I've got:
[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Macbook-pro-13-inch-ports
The other side just has the optical drive and a hole which is apparently a security port or something (by the way, anyone here have any idea what that does?).
O. Hinds
O. Hinds
Zebra Engineer

Posts : 4863
Brohoof! : 383
Join date : 2012-05-09

Character List:
Name: Ris Haends Aeronauticus
Sex: Male
Species: Zebra

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:15 pm

Do you have a picture of it or a symbol that might be near it? I can't tell just by "hole".
RoboRed
RoboRed
Royal Alicorn

Posts : 13859
Brohoof! : 717
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 34
Location : Nebraska

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Kippershy Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:22 pm

O. Hinds wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:
Kippershy wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:Actually, reading more, it looks like that antenna is meant to go on the router? Sorry, but I think that the college might object (and I'd need something to stand on, I think... and probably more than one antenna. The routers are mounted on the hallway ceiling.)
Nah nah nah, I'm tellin' ya for sure here; he means YOUR computer / laptop.

"network adapter" being the important phrase here, seeing as he's assuming you're running off an non-integrated system (aka, dedicated network card) which can be upgraded.
Usually they'll have these two golden prod things that look almost like nuts, which an antenna cable will be tightened onto (by hand) to include an external antenna piece.

In the event of having a laptop rather than a PC, some wireless network adapter cards (read as: the higher grade ones) can have their antenna upgraded to increase signal send/receive range.


Trust me on this one, he means your end of it all. Generally routers don't get such dedicated upgrades. (and such would be pointless anyway, seeing as it's a bandwith issue and not a range of service issue.)
Ah. Well, I suppose I could find a properly sized screwdriver, take the bottom off my laptop, find something to prop it up on so there's room to run the cable underneath, try to identify the AirPort, try to find the antenna plug which may or may not exist... Yeah. Sorry, Cptadder; thank you for trying to help.

Don't be so quick to dismiss it - give me two seconds.



edit: okay, so I can't find a decent picture to explain what I'm going to do.
Anyway, on the side of your machine should be a port that's somewhere around 1cm deep by... 3 inches long perhaps?
It'll normally have 2 little buttons next to this slot which you can push in - this is your wireless network card adapter port.

I'm going to assume you might already have one or much more likely, built in wi-fi. even still, it's a standard port. it'll hold something that looks like this:

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Pc-card-inserted



Now all you have to do is try to find a wireless card that instead of using its own antenna (the block at the end) allows you to screw in the gold head wires for a custom antenna and wallah! They're not as common as a standard network card having them (seeing as standard dedicated network cards normally have them as standard) but they DO exist - I know this from personal experience.

Yes it'll push your price up, so it's up to you on if you have the money, but if you can find one they shouldn't be too expensive hopefully, I mean, it's simple tech and should cost less then the higher end laptop wireless network adapters.
This is what I've got:
[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Macbook-pro-13-inch-ports
The other side just has the optical drive and a hole which is apparently a security port or something (by the way, anyone here have any idea what that does?).

Ah. Okay then, yeah, nothing.
That comes from using Apple technology, I suppose.
Sorry, got nothing in that case.
Kippershy
Kippershy
Lord of Derail

Posts : 3493
Brohoof! : 121
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Essex, England

Character List:
Name: Crimson Wings / Cherry Sundae
Sex: Male / Female
Species: Pegasus / Unicorn

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Sindri Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:29 pm

O. Hinds wrote:The other side just has the optical drive and a hole which is apparently a security port or something (by the way, anyone here have any idea what that does?).
It's a (relatively) hardened slot in the casing that standard laptop locks fit into. The mechanism is a kind of T-shaped thing that you put through, rotate and then prongs come out to prevent it from rotating back without the right combination. Potentially useful if you need to leave your computer somewhere public for a while and there's a good anchor nearby, but generally too expensive and cumbersome for me to bother with.
Spoiler:
Sindri
Sindri
Changeling

Posts : 1156
Brohoof! : 171
Join date : 2012-05-09

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:39 pm

@Kippershy:
I think that some of the larger laptops have some sort of "Express" port as well, but yeah. Thanks for trying, though.

Sindri wrote:
O. Hinds wrote:The other side just has the optical drive and a hole which is apparently a security port or something (by the way, anyone here have any idea what that does?).
It's a (relatively) hardened slot in the casing that standard laptop locks fit into. The mechanism is a kind of T-shaped thing that you put through, rotate and then prongs come out to prevent it from rotating back without the right combination. Potentially useful if you need to leave your computer somewhere public for a while and there's a good anchor nearby, but generally too expensive and cumbersome for me to bother with.
Spoiler:
Ah, thank you.
O. Hinds
O. Hinds
Zebra Engineer

Posts : 4863
Brohoof! : 383
Join date : 2012-05-09

Character List:
Name: Ris Haends Aeronauticus
Sex: Male
Species: Zebra

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:00 pm

I can't seem to think of anything else to add to this, so why not post it?:
I would probably have a better idea how to end it if I knew how the Remnant ended up after PH. Or maybe not.
This bit of not-very-good writing was partly inspired by All That Remains, though I've had Herminia, Windy Bearing, and the Hildegarde in mind in one form or another for a while.


Last edited by O. Hinds on Tue Oct 02, 2012 5:05 pm; edited 1 time in total
O. Hinds
O. Hinds
Zebra Engineer

Posts : 4863
Brohoof! : 383
Join date : 2012-05-09

Character List:
Name: Ris Haends Aeronauticus
Sex: Male
Species: Zebra

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:57 pm

Hinds:

http://www.amazon.com/Alfa-Wireless-Original-Screw-On-9dBi/dp/B001O9X9EU

how about this??? I had years and years ago when I used a PC laptop an Orinoco(i think) wifi card with a magnetic antenna. That'd probably be too old for what you need, though.
Caoimhe
Caoimhe
Alicorn

Posts : 1182
Brohoof! : 264
Join date : 2012-07-11
Location : Providence, RI

Character List:
Name: Comma, Splice
Sex: Female
Species: Sentence fragment

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:58 pm

nebulous wrote:Essentially, I'd love for an Equestria / Fallout: Equestria / Project Horizons / some other FOE side stories timeline to exist.
Good luck with that. Applebloom

SilentCarto
SilentCarto
Alicorn

Posts : 1585
Brohoof! : 393
Join date : 2012-05-08
Age : 44
Location : Texas

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Cptadder Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:07 pm

Kipper already covered what I mean which I got across poorly.

What I meant to say was take your Mac laptop and go out and buy a 25$ wireless USB adapter rather than using your inbuilt adapter. Wireless signals are notoriously flaky and unless your getting perfect five of five bar signal it might be less the network and more your wireless.

Any decent sized electronic store will have these, the good ones will come with a 5db antenna already attached. If that does not improve things you can step it up to the 7db or 9db antennas for another 10$.

Your only issue will be spending 25$ and not having it improve your situation (In which case 30 day return policy you out gas money if that) or it does work and you have a handy wireless antenna to pack with your laptop in future when you take it out into the world.
Cptadder
Cptadder
Alicorn

Posts : 1751
Brohoof! : 118
Join date : 2012-06-03
Age : 40

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Admiral Stoic Rum Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:24 pm

hello, I want to tell everyone what I woke up to this morning, I blame fuzzy and discussing Murky Number 7 before going to sleep.

Here is the gist. I was like murky. I was making turkey, pepperoni and provolone wraps. I forgot the provolone. I was made to put my hood on as Master put his foot on my head while I prostrated before him, he pulled the drawstrings and used them to lift my head from the ground, then used his foot to bounce my head off the ground. It got in about two bounces and I woke up 2 minutes late for work. That is not to mention the little bit before that moment.

Needless to say I was having a dream about being forced in slavery to prepare food.
Admiral Stoic Rum
Admiral Stoic Rum
Alicorn

Posts : 4179
Brohoof! : 83
Join date : 2012-05-19
Age : 37
Location : Houston, TX

Character List:
Name: Dr. Painkiller
Sex: Male
Species: Pony

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Necr0maNceR Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:38 pm

Here's some errors I found:

Ch. 49:

"The components he’d used to repair and rebuild to my legs"

-Should remove the second "to" so it's just "rebuild my legs".

“No. Blackjack, you’re a decent pony, but you face things that terrorize me. I don’t think I could face anything like Hightower again. I still can’t sleep after seeing it.”

-Using terrify instead of terrorize would make MUCH more sense in this situation.

“What about what Xanthe said? Or talk to Carrion.”

-"Or talk to Carrion" sounds weird. "Or you could talk to Carrion" sounds much better.

"We stood back as Ahuizotl packed up his bags and once loaded up with as much as he could carry, trotted past with his lips curled in malice."

-This should be divided into two sentences or rewritten. Here's one way you could do it: "We stood back as Ahuizotl packed up his bags. Once he had loaded up with as much as he could carry, he trotted past us with his lips curled in malice."

“That’s fine for formal occasions, but honestly. Nopony talks like that anymore."

-Should be one sentence with a comma instead of a period after honestly.

"Just then the door opened, and I heard the wet rasping breath that announced his presence. Goldenblood stepped in, struggling for breath."

-You shouldn't use "breath" twice in a row. Try replacing "struggling for breath" with "struggling for air" or "struggling to breathe".

“Yeah, I guess I...” I said with smiled, but that slowly vanished as I turned and looked back at the speaker.

-It should be "with a smile".

...

On an unrelated note, here's another picture I drew. I drew it BEFORE I drew Deus, and I know it's not nearly as good and has a number of issues. Of course, this one I rushed to finish in a single night, whereas I worked on Deus on and off for three weeks.

Anyways, here it is:

<img src="http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/216/4/f/blackjack__s_bathtime_by_necr0manc3r-d59rhow.png" width="765" height="671">

I called it "Blackjack's Bathtime".


Last edited by Necr0maNceR on Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
Necr0maNceR
Necr0maNceR
Pegasus

Posts : 227
Brohoof! : 17
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Lenexa, Ks

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:42 pm

Caoimhe wrote:Hinds:

http://www.amazon.com/Alfa-Wireless-Original-Screw-On-9dBi/dp/B001O9X9EU

how about this??? I had years and years ago when I used a PC laptop an Orinoco(i think) wifi card with a magnetic antenna. That'd probably be too old for what you need, though.
Yeah, that model's only recommended up to 10.5, looks like.

Cptadder wrote:Kipper already covered what I mean which I got across poorly.

What I meant to say was take your Mac laptop and go out and buy a 25$ wireless USB adapter rather than using your inbuilt adapter. Wireless signals are notoriously flaky and unless your getting perfect five of five bar signal it might be less the network and more your wireless.

Any decent sized electronic store will have these, the good ones will come with a 5db antenna already attached. If that does not improve things you can step it up to the 7db or 9db antennas for another 10$.

Your only issue will be spending 25$ and not having it improve your situation (In which case 30 day return policy you out gas money if that) or it does work and you have a handy wireless antenna to pack with your laptop in future when you take it out into the world.
Ohhhhh. You're saying that the problem might not be the network itself so much as my connection? I've heard reports from others that they're getting similar performance... Maybe I could ask around and see if anyone has one of those antennas and, if so, what performance they're getting with it, though.
edit: Also, the connection tends to fluctuate, presumably depending on how many people are trying to use it.


Last edited by O. Hinds on Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
O. Hinds
O. Hinds
Zebra Engineer

Posts : 4863
Brohoof! : 383
Join date : 2012-05-09

Character List:
Name: Ris Haends Aeronauticus
Sex: Male
Species: Zebra

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by O. Hinds Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:47 pm

Necr0maNceR wrote:Here's some errors I found:

Ch. 49:

"The components he’d used to repair and rebuild to my legs"

-Should remove the second "to" so it's just "rebuild my legs".

“No. Blackjack, you’re a decent pony, but you face things that terrorize me. I don’t think I could face anything like Hightower again. I still can’t sleep after seeing it.”

-Using terrify instead of terrorize would make MUCH more sense in this situation.

“What about what Xanthe said? Or talk to Carrion.”

-"Or talk to Carrion" sounds weird. "Or you could talk to Carrion" sounds much better.

"We stood back as Ahuizotl packed up his bags and once loaded up with as much as he could carry, trotted past with his lips curled in malice."

-This should be divided into two sentences or rewritten. Here's one way you could do it: "We stood back as Ahuizotl packed up his bags. Once he had loaded up with as much as he could carry, he trotted past us with his lips curled in malice."

“That’s fine for formal occasions, but honestly. Nopony talks like that anymore."

-Should be one sentence with a comma instead of a period after honestly.

"Just then the door opened, and I heard the wet rasping breath that announced his presence. Goldenblood stepped in, struggling for breath."

-You shouldn't use "breath" twice in a row. Try replacing "struggling for breath" with "struggling for air" or "struggling to breathe".

“Yeah, I guess I...” I said with smiled, but that slowly vanished as I turned and looked back at the speaker.

-It should be "with a smile".

...

On an unrelated note, here's another picture I drew. I drew it BEFORE I drew Deus, and I know it's not nearly as good and has a number of issues. Of course, this one I rushed to finish in a single night, whereas I worked on Deus on and off for three weeks.

Anyways, here it is:

<img src="http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/216/4/f/blackjack__s_bathtime_by_necr0manc3r-d59rhow.png" width="765" height="671">

I called it "Blackjack's Bathtime".
Ah, thank you very much!

However, I have left the "but honestly," bit, as I think that changing it would change the tone/meaning of the speech slightly.
O. Hinds
O. Hinds
Zebra Engineer

Posts : 4863
Brohoof! : 383
Join date : 2012-05-09

Character List:
Name: Ris Haends Aeronauticus
Sex: Male
Species: Zebra

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Necr0maNceR Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:52 pm

O. Hinds wrote:Ah, thank you very much!

However, I have left the "but honestly," bit, as I think that changing it would change the tone/meaning of the speech slightly.

Cool. I just though having a period instead of a comma after "honestly" and before "nopony" added a bit too long of a pause, but alright.
Necr0maNceR
Necr0maNceR
Pegasus

Posts : 227
Brohoof! : 17
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Lenexa, Ks

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:10 pm

Necr0maNceR wrote:Anyways, here it is:

<img src="http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/216/4/f/blackjack__s_bathtime_by_necr0manc3r-d59rhow.png" width="765" height="671">

I called it "Blackjack's Bathtime".
Just one itty-bitty, teeny-tiny detail... sorry...
With a groan and pop the side of the floor facing the door gave way. As it collapsed, the tub tilted upright again, thanks to having lost its legs, and started to slide along its curved bottom as it picked up speed.
SilentCarto
SilentCarto
Alicorn

Posts : 1585
Brohoof! : 393
Join date : 2012-05-08
Age : 44
Location : Texas

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Necr0maNceR Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:13 pm

SilentCarto wrote:Just one itty-bitty, teeny-tiny detail... sorry...
With a groan and pop the side of the floor facing the door gave way. As it collapsed, the tub tilted upright again, thanks to having lost its legs, and started to slide along its curved bottom as it picked up speed.
I am well aware of that, I just thought it looked better this way. Artistic license, ftw!
Necr0maNceR
Necr0maNceR
Pegasus

Posts : 227
Brohoof! : 17
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Lenexa, Ks

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:39 pm

I see Willy P is more like crown royale. Given its commonality, I pictured it mostly in a fifth, flask bottle akin to jim beam. :P
Caoimhe
Caoimhe
Alicorn

Posts : 1182
Brohoof! : 264
Join date : 2012-07-11
Location : Providence, RI

Character List:
Name: Comma, Splice
Sex: Female
Species: Sentence fragment

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Cptadder Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:43 pm

Caoimhe wrote:I see Willy P is more like crown royale. Given its commonality, I pictured it mostly in a fifth, flask bottle akin to jim beam. :P
Then it would not work as well in a crown, and if it does not look good as a crown then it has no business existing.
Cptadder
Cptadder
Alicorn

Posts : 1751
Brohoof! : 118
Join date : 2012-06-03
Age : 40

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Necr0maNceR Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:47 pm

swicked wrote:Necr0, I really rather like your art :D
Why, thank you! I try my best, and I keep improving with each new piece I make.
Necr0maNceR
Necr0maNceR
Pegasus

Posts : 227
Brohoof! : 17
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Lenexa, Ks

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:47 pm

Nah, curved fifths would make for an optimal crown and form to the head better.

I may or may not have tried this before.
Caoimhe
Caoimhe
Alicorn

Posts : 1182
Brohoof! : 264
Join date : 2012-07-11
Location : Providence, RI

Character List:
Name: Comma, Splice
Sex: Female
Species: Sentence fragment

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Necr0maNceR Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:53 pm

Caoimhe wrote:Nah, curved fifths would make for an optimal crown and form to the head better.

I may or may not have tried this before.
Interesting, did you take a picture? I based the bottle off of the whisky bottle from New Vegas.
Necr0maNceR
Necr0maNceR
Pegasus

Posts : 227
Brohoof! : 17
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 33
Location : Lenexa, Ks

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe Mon Oct 01, 2012 10:55 pm

Nope. I'm waiting for the rest of my costume to come in before I debut it.

Oops, did I just reveal that publicly? Applejack
Caoimhe
Caoimhe
Alicorn

Posts : 1182
Brohoof! : 264
Join date : 2012-07-11
Location : Providence, RI

Character List:
Name: Comma, Splice
Sex: Female
Species: Sentence fragment

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by RoboRed Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:17 pm

Caoimhe wrote:Nope. I'm waiting for the rest of my costume to come in before I debut it.

Oops, did I just reveal that publicly? Applejack
Yep.

And if you're doing what I think you're doing...YESSSS. Big mac
RoboRed
RoboRed
Royal Alicorn

Posts : 13859
Brohoof! : 717
Join date : 2012-05-09
Age : 34
Location : Nebraska

Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by SilentCarto Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:18 pm

I had a funny experience in FONV a little while ago... I'm playing a red-headed (red-red, not ginger) girl named Blackjack. Hangs around with Cass for the Whiskey Rose perk. Spike

Anyway, in Dead Money, I quickly got ahold of some decent armor in the police station (don't get ahead of me, now...), but it wasn't until several hours later that I accidentally zoomed out to third-person mode and discovered that the armor said "SECURITY" on the back. Fluttershy
SilentCarto
SilentCarto
Alicorn

Posts : 1585
Brohoof! : 393
Join date : 2012-05-08
Age : 44
Location : Texas

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Downloaded Skill Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:20 pm

Caoimhe wrote:Nope. I'm waiting for the rest of my costume to come in before I debut it.

Oops, did I just reveal that publicly? [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 3317934462

Moments like these make me wonder if the person who assigned you this job ever thought you might actually become a brony. First you brought some of the pony swag to work, now there is a full on costume in the works. You should bring it in one day I'm sure the stunned reactions would be hilarious. I do hope you're planning on posting a picture of it.

On a side note now that the release month for season 3 has been posted do you have any idea when that article is going to be posted? Beforehand? Day of? Week after? I'm really curious about it and I'm sure it would go over well at EQD too.
Downloaded Skill
Downloaded Skill
Unicorn

Posts : 324
Brohoof! : 81
Join date : 2012-08-19

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Caoimhe Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:29 pm

Hee! Funny, the costume and the article go hand in hand, since I plan on having a profile with the crown for my authblock on it!

I've made note of the official premiere date and hopefully it will be printed before (or at least around) the actual date. Sadly our paper is experiencing a serious shift as of late (http://boston.com/community/blogs/gatekeeper/2012/09/the_sad_inevitable_decline_of.html) so things are really kinda shaking up. I might actually be taken by one of the city's more "serious" newspapers to write for their arts/music/media section soon, too.

I seriously hope this doesn't interfere with with what I've written since I've put a ton of work into it. If all else fails and it doesn't get published, I can at least put it in a blog on our paper's website assuming I get authorization.
Caoimhe
Caoimhe
Alicorn

Posts : 1182
Brohoof! : 264
Join date : 2012-07-11
Location : Providence, RI

Character List:
Name: Comma, Splice
Sex: Female
Species: Sentence fragment

Back to top Go down

[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 18 Empty Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 18 of 32 Previous  1 ... 10 ... 17, 18, 19 ... 25 ... 32  Next

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum