Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion

[Scyto Harmony]

Well. My lungs are sore from laughing and my brain is fried in confusion...

...but this is the greatest thing ever...

[Sindri]

The CMC in the show is ~7 if I recall right. And the mane six is 13-18.

I think that the mane six are in the equivalent of the mid twenties for a human. Rarity and Applejack are both running their own businesses, Twilight is clearly a grad student, Fluttershy is... Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash despite being probably the youngest and second least mature is still living independently and holding down a steady government job as head of the local weather patrol. None of those sound like something a teenager would be doing to me. Pinkie is a little vaguer living with the Cakes and working what looks like an apprenticeship, but one counterexample doesn't discount anything especially since she's canonically younger than at least Flutters.


As for the CMC I'd guess twelvish or thirteen? Getting a cutie mark generally seems to be the threshold between childhood and "maturity" like puberty is in a lot of human cultures, and it's when ponies in Littlepip's Stable were put to work, so age-wise I'd place it at the same time that humans start to develop. And I really doubt that you could have a functional culture if everypony was expected to have found their purpose in life by age six.

Applejack specifically calls Rainbow out as straight in this universe.

To me that says nothing, other than that Applejack thought (or wanted to think) she was straight. Given that Kkat typically defaulted to standard american human values rather than what ponies would logically have, AJ would likely refuse to believe that one of her friends was anything but straight to avoid the (nonexistant) stigma of associating with a lesbian. And IIRC the author said that Dash was bicurious...

[222222]

Sindri I yield to your impeccable logic and vastly superior knowledge of FOE. Kattlarv I yield to your babbling insanity and seemingly deliberate misinterpretation of my posts. I really mean that in the nicest of ways though. :)

P.S. top notch work Hinds that sounds pretty good to me
P.P.S. I'm sorry Scyto but I don't get it. It made me smile a couple times, but I wasn't really laughing that hard. Is there some context I'm missing? Because I just saw an Asian man dancing and singing about condoms.

[Kippershy]

(Small side note: I know I likely missed it, but what's the deal with steam? Did you get something from Swicked? Ah, never mind, just scrolled down and saw what. I also got that game actually, haven't got it to work yet, but trying to figure it out.)

@Kipper: (Arma) What did you buy it for if I might inquire? xP think mine was around ~20.



@Kipper: (fighting) As said, I don't really "discriminate" when it comes to fighting, although, I try and not hit teens/children as hard if they attack me. But overall, I retaliate as I am attacked. If they fight dirty, so do I. And now I kinda forgot what my main point with this was... but eh, I've noticed the whole "the bigger they are" is mostly correct, at least if they are not "properly trained", which very few are. But yeah, I mainly aim to disable or disorient. Though, I have a very bad habit to do called shots to the crotch on both genders if I'm scared, panicked or stressed. Thankfully doesn't happen often though. Hate when I accidentally do it on someone not deserving of one. On another side note: I have no idea how I can have the "bit bellow average strength" of a male, when I'm female, and I like... barely ever exercise. Guessing good metabolism and being favoured by Gummy or something? xD So in other words: Strong for a nerd, easily overpowered by one that actually works out, not by average Joe though. Noticed very many rely to heavily on pure brawn though, dexterity can trump in many cases, at least if the agile one is aware of it.

Sorry I didn't see this before.
to answer;
I bought Waves a copy of ArmA2: CO
Steam is because of that / Day Z mod
It's highly addicting once you get past the learning curve.

I paid 20 for my own copy, then it went down to 15 so I bought waves and katarn a copy each.


Fighting for me is all about subduing the opponent UNLESS there's a damn good reason not to be trying to end it ASAP.
I don't like fighting because if I get too involved, I have a simple rule:

You don't turn your back and walk away until you know for a fact they can't get up.
Not wont - CAN'T.
I can and will fight dirty if absolutely needed, but most of the time for me I don't need to. Even then, I don't go for crotch shots, too easy and too disrespectful.

A nice powerhouse punch to the middle of the upper chest between the ribcage can disable someone in one hit, easily. If you want to know where I mean, put your hands on your breasts (or torso for guys) and press down SOFTLY where your fingers meet. You'll notice it's very easily hurt compared to the rest of your ribcage - because there's no real protection there.

The stomach is too padded, the upper ribcage is designed to take blows - but that point there is vulnerable, very much so.


If I don't go for there, the throat is always a good place. Other then that? Make like throwing a haymaker, purposefully miss and turn your fist to a hand, grab the back of their head and use your momentum to throw them to the ground, face first.
You do it right, you'll catch them off guard and they'll be dazed as they hit the floor.
You can then either run, or stomp on their back/the back of their head as needed.

[Caoimhe]

P.P.S. I'm sorry Scyto but I don't get it. It made me smile a couple times, but I wasn't really laughing that hard. Is there some context I'm missing? Because I just saw an Asian man dancing and singing about condoms.

Korean pop music is inherently hilarious. It's funny how huge boybands/girlgroups still are over there and people of all ages listen to them. This track is interesting because it's also essentially LMFAO's Sexy and I Know It.

[O. Hinds]

P.S. top notch work Hinds that sounds pretty good to me

Huh. Thanks; apparently I'm better at that than I thought.

[222222]

Anybody here on the play station network? I'm jonesing for some shooting but all my friends are working tonight.

[iLateralGX]

Anybody here on the play station network? I'm jonesing for some shooting but all my friends are working tonight.

Don't own any shooters for my PlayStation unfortunately. I bought it specifically for Demon's Souls, Metal Gear, and Gran Turismo. Sorry

[Moodyman90]

I have Black Ops for PS3 but I'm not much for it. Besides, there's suppose to be a big event in the minecraft server I'm on but I've been waiting for... 14 hours now...

[Sindri]

Anybody here on the play station network? I'm jonesing for some shooting but all my friends are working tonight.

Nope. Sorry, can't afford console gaming.

[Ki-Tarn]

Anybody here on the play station network? I'm jonesing for some shooting but all my friends are working tonight.

Wish I could, but I have no games on me currently, only brought it with me for a working Blu-ray player as my laptop's drive wasn't working. Not that it matters now as I bricked the laptop with a damaged BIOS update.

And the replacement laptop only has standard dvd, but it can run skyrim.

[222222]

Aw well I just ended up spending the night playing with my little brother, so it all worked out. If anyone is interested though, I'll be shooting up strangers for the next couple hours so feel free to give me a holler.

[Caoimhe]

Anyone happen to watch the Olympic Equestrian dressage/horse ballet today?

For nigh irrelevant reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knCj92zA0tU

[Admiral Stoic Rum]

Erumpet... you've not met my drunken self yet.... we'll I'll fix that sometime....

Also sycto thanks for sharing that I have not studied Korean to understand the lyrics but I'm sure I know people could explain it hilarious and I'm already planning on using the dance...thingy

[Kattlarv]

Just quick thing first: Think I've mentioned before, but I got autism, for me, there is only me. I can only truly understand myself. So if it's something someone else would do, I could try and relate to it. If I've done something similar, it makes it easier, even possible for me to try and relate to, for each thing more "relate-able" I have, the more I can try and understand it. So yes, I have a "female PoV" as you would put it, but a very specific and "my own" one. Other ones that are too far from my own PoV just strike me as strange, or even surreal. But anyhow, the BJ situation was handled somewhat well, the big problem in it was that it wasn't "thought on" by BJ. It was imo, rather biased(?) by someone else, in a mindset from "our world". Now, I can't accuse/assume to much, but they seem to be affected by our worlds viewpoints and priorities. And granted, why wouldn't they? But again, this brings up Kkat's biggest problem in some areas of FoE: They used current world logic for a place that are WAAAY different from our world. Like said, BJ's mind, values and personality was radically altered for that whole (or half of it) chapter, then slowly inched back to normal. And yes, I know part of it was due to her being near a mental breakdown and stuff, but she resorted to a mindset she didn't even know or had been taught. So overall, the whole ordeal was "needed", it was just executed wrong in parts, with jury rigged areas. A bit like playing like, an undead, draconuc umber hulk in D&D, and apparently, none in the human town seems to mind the large, undead thing. So yeah, I suck at examples, but BJ acted way to "20'th century human female". (heck, I have a really hard time writing males, or any "overly feminine" female character, or heck, just any well developed character, or one with a very vague personality... with other words, I am not good at empathy or characterization hehe)
->
Have to randomly say though, some lines felt like the ones I make when I am dead tired, just rather bland and emotionless. Erf, trailed off long enough. But point of it all, keep in mind those you ask might have "coloured" viewpoints. For random bad examples: If you ask 3 different women, lets say for this example a straight homophobe, that weird one and a yaoi fangirl which would be more the most logical new pairing within the current group, just guess which one would say 1: P-21+Styg, 2: Psycho+Styg 3: Xan+suit would be the most logical, realistic and authentic choice, each one likely able to evaluated and explain why it'd be so. So yeah, no offence to your helpers, but I can't tell how accurate they are, nor if they are biased. But just keep it in mind: All and all, BJ is BJ, in the end, she doesn't even have to follow her "female mind", all are different, and sometimes even the most "biological" functions might be different, or even look like the "opposite". I guess I am a good example in the end, I am very "single minded" on several topics, mostly since I just know my PoV on them, and how I'd react, and as said, I'm not taken very seriously in those parts, (at least I hope not, for most of them) as I'm as said: I am not that character. So yeah. Imo, don't mess with or ruin any character by trying to "make them more x". Only random, worst example characters I can think off would be: Anders, dragon age 1 vs Anders, dragon age 2. He was victim to one such "make-over". But in either case, seeing how most all seem to agree it "felt BJ", I guess I just got upset on the things that was OOC and illogical for her at the time, and possibly taking the "easy way" out. Granted, the slack way might have been the most IC, I suck at empathy as said.

Okay... that was anything but quick ^^' And blah... still have arguments to catch up on. Erg... I am to tired to defend equal rights and speak against sexism this month...
One I talk to stated I really have to stop giving a fuck about injustice and whatnot, at least when I'm not in a condition to, nor in any position to do shit, and to stop tormenting myself, but I have to say, I'm a bit scared of the alternatives.

@Cao: To stick short: For the "fetish" thing, can really agree to that. It can very often be the whole "It's always the quiet ones..." niche to it, not everyone might fit their "personality" in bed, and one best always be ready for surprises. Although, I personally get really sick of when stereotypes and generic stuff is used, repeatedly, all the time. Especially if it's "controversial/contradicting" stuff used "just to flabbergast", and then everyone does it.

@Wave: Yeah... things like that happened, repeatedly. I was quite fucked over by events in my life, and as said, kicked down one to many times, and you don't bother getting up. It's why I'm so jaded to many things. And why I seem so angry sometimes I guess. Just recalling bad memories. Erf... really feels like I am letting my hurt poison much of my things. Like, compared to how much I complain, I don't praise enough of what like in what Somber does, it at least feels like it.
(ma'am) Ah, I see. Well, that makes sense. Personally tend to forget the gender of some and just call them nicknames. Occasionally when referring someone I'm unbiased with, or dislike, I call them "it" heh.
(cute+saucy) Yeah, I have to say,I find that to. Especially after finding out the whole "mare winking" thing, that can just be sooo adorable for MLP ponies, mostly since they are sentient, so it could actually be more than a sign of arousal, and it's using their unique anatomy for something. And I am way to tired to make sense here haha.
And it's bad when I have to contemplate over my own joke for a minute to get it hehe.

@Sindri: (CMC+mane6 age) Both Lauren AND Hasbro have stated that as their age. At least one of them, can't recall which... but think it was Lauren... or could've be a storyboarder. Since the CMC are somewhat supposed to represent the "demographic" of ~7 year old girls, and the mane six was 13-18 so they still weren't that far from the viewers, yet didn't have to deal with all the "adult stuff". And Lauren wise, the ponies have human life spans. And hey, even if they find their talent at around 6-8, it still takes them several more years to hone it, and develop themselves.

@Eru: Thank you... I think... I am so sleep deprived right now xD
But my bad if I overly misinterpreted it. It could just be me failing to write it properly so you misinterpreted it.

@Kipper: (Arma) Ah, okies. I see. Well, I paid a bit more for mine then, (same as you did for the first, but eh, what the heck, not as big fuck over as I got in DDO.
(Fighting) I can say I read it all, but just too drained to comment anything about it, can't think of anything to say or add.

[Kippershy]

Anyone happen to watch the Olympic Equestrian dressage/horse ballet today?

For nigh irrelevant reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knCj92zA0tU

That mare is absolutely beautiful, her moves are truly awe inspiring.

[MLPOCG]

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, but here is my review of Project Horizons after reading to the end of the latest chapter :3

Fallout Equestria is among the most beloved of my
little pony friendship is magic fanfiction. The original story is
infamous for its nightmare vision of Equestria and dark and gritty
themes, all while remaining faithful to the show’s core message and
themes. As such, it was inevitable that many other fics would spawn from
it based around the world Kkat has created.


Project Horizons is currently the most famous of
these stories, at a massive ~980 thousand words, it warrants its own
special attention. It is an enormous, ambitious epic not only building
on the universe that Kkat has created, but expands and adds context to
Kkat’s work. This review will focus specifically on the key areas of
characterisation and development, plot, and writing technique.


Somber’s work begins with a security mare named
Blackjack, who lives in the sexually segregated, highly oppressive
stable 99. In Stable 99, males are kept as mere breeding equipment,
aren’t given the courtesy of names, and are euthanised once they reach a
certain age. Somber’s opening to his story is promising, delivering a
grim depiction of stable life and its totalitarian regime. She is sent
after a male who has gone missing named P-21. She finds him and
discovers that he has downloaded a mysterious program that will become
vital to the story’s plot named EC-1101. Daisy, a fellow security mare
assaults P-21, but Blackjack saves him from being beaten to death.
Imprisoned with P-21, the colt escapes by lockpicking his cell.


Things take a horrific turn when the Overmare opens
the Stable Door to deal with Deus’ Raiders, who are after the program
that P-21 has downloaded onto his Pipbuck. The raiders assault the
stable, massacring the inhabitants. Blackjack leads them away and must
discover the mystery of the program downloaded onto P-21’s Pipbuck while
being hunted by Deus’ raiders.


The greatest strength of Project Horizons is its
characters and their development. Almost every character has its own
unique voice, personality, and relationship with the other characters.
Blackjack, the protagonist begins her story as a snide and cynical hero
full of sarcastic quips. Yet, while her opening personality may be
considered flat, she is defined by her experiences and the harsh moral
choices she is forced to make and becomes a far deeper character than
one would originally give credit for. In the span of the 48 chapters,
countless horrific things have happened to her and all of these have had
an effect on her psychological wellbeing.


The other characters who form Blackjack’s band of
friends are just as well written and characterised. All of them have
their own personal conflicts (whether by their own backstory or with
each other) and have a unique voice. In fact I would recommend this
story to any newbie writers to learn what constitutes compelling
character design in a dramatic and dark environment.


Of course, this would be moot point if the plot
never went anywhere, for the most part Project Horizons is fairly
focused and paced. Its plot features a complex web of conspiracy
theories and pre-war projects which are beginning to resurface after the
apocalypse. Fallout Equestria’s original story did a reasonable job of
describing the pre-war universe but Project Horizons makes it just as
interesting and compelling as the Wasteland itself. Without spoiling
anything, the plot is emotionally charged with many character defining
moments and tragic villains whose goals and reasons for fighting are
just as compelling as the heroine’s own.


Unfortunately, Somber’s work is not without faults,
and his biggest is technique. The earlier chapters (the story takes a
noticeable leap in quality after chapter 30 and an even greater leap
after chapter 40). Some chapters and sections are very difficult to read
and understand and may need to be read over twice to truly understand
what is happening due to less than stellar word choice and sentence
structure. A particular peevee of mine is simultaneous events syndrome,
which occurs frequently throught (this is where the word ‘as’ is used to
join two or more sentences). This is most apparent during the story’s
frequent battle scenes, which in my opinion are the weakest part of
Project Horizons, made all the more frustrating because of their
frequency. Some chapters have up to six battle scenes, each up to two
pages in length. In a video game combat is important to keep the player
interested in the game and to hone skills for combat effectiveness. In a
novel, battle scenes digress from the story if they don’t contribute to
the overall plot, and should really only be used sparingly to make
every encounter important (most of the battle scenes seem to only
feature battles between the characters and groups of enemies such as
raiders, vicious wasteland wildlife, ghouls, etc.)


Further elaborating on technique, another large
issue is awkward scene transitions, I have counted four cases of a
chapter ending on a calm note, only to find in the next chapter the hero
and his friends are somewhere completely different or in the middle of a
side quest. These scene transitions are jarring and have left me
confused on more than one occasion, making me look at the previous
chapter just in case I skipped ahead. Another issue is the inclusion of a
few scenarios that feel unnecessary, one in particular is in the later
chapters when Blackjack is separated from her friends and meets many
side characters who will most likely appear later (and one who is a permanent ally), but the separation
from her friends felt random and these chapters weren’t quite as
enjoyable to read since the story’s most compelling aspect is the
characters and their relationships, I felt that a small contingent of her group could have joined her for these parts. Finally, there are some characters
who just feel plain unnecessary at the point of this review such as
Precious, who has had hardly any dialogue so far and really came out of nowhere.


Despite these faults, what Project Horizons lacks
in writing technique it more than makes up for in its characters,
emotion, and plot, and it is a worthy successor to Kkat’s masterpiece. I would recommend it to any fan of science fiction, the original Fallout Equestria, and My Little Pony.

[Caoimhe]

Anyone happen to watch the Olympic Equestrian dressage/horse ballet today?

For nigh irrelevant reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knCj92zA0tU

That mare is absolutely beautiful, her moves are truly awe inspiring.

Here's the real performance, it really is amazing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKQgTiqhPbw&feature=related The mare keeps almost perfect rhythm and absolutely loves it since she's frothing at the bit at pure bliss. Dressage is the coolest thing.

Re: Katt: I love that whole scene because there's a huge amount of guilt and denial in it (from my interpretation) that is very lifelike without throwing too much 'humanism' in my opinion. BJ is torn between pleasure and remorse for wanting to do the right thing for herself and the right thing for those she cares about (which is a big central theme). Her constant attempts to justify her actions to herself to put herself in control are told in such away that it isn't made blatant that she feels this guilt either which I think is wonderful in the first person narrative. She goes beyond explaining her actions to the reader almost out of guilt to those who are reading. It's a really wonderful view of internal conflict because of all the shame. In a way I feel that it's supposed to be "out there" sort of.

[Somber]

Thanks for that fair and thorough review MLPOCG.

One thing writing a million words does is it allows for a lot of practice. So I'd like to think I've gone from an absolutely horrid writer to a long winded, pretentious writer. Your criticisms are right on though. I'm very insecure about my writing, so I'm a perpetuator of 'ninjas attack' writing. Things happen and then... ninjas attack! More things happen and then.... ninja's attack. It's to try and build tension that things are dangerous. Take for instance her carrying Boo in Hippocratic Research and the Griffon attacks. I didn't need that scene. I could have removed it entirely and had the hazard simply be the stairs. But that didn't seem quite like enough. So I threw in the griffon. I could have tossed in a dragon, I suppose, but that would have been much. Still, my greatest fear is that the story will become boring. Which... the constant fighting does.... I'm doomed!

As for the loads and loads of characters... I am not a structural writer. I have a story going from A to Z and while I know my alphabet, getting to the end is a little bit fuzzy. For instance, did you know that Bottlecap was going to be BJ's romantic love interest? Okay, I admit it, I was ripping off Homage at the time. But still, that was the plan.... and then it wasn't. I just couldn't make it work for BJ. So I get an idea for a character... put the character in... and then... crap... I never really use the idea.

Now if this story were published all in one go, no problem! I can go back and fix stuff up, take those characters out, and tighten up the story. Just like real writers do. But this is published chapter by chapter. It was the only way something like this could be written! And so my readers know Precious exists, and taking her out would cause more disruption than simply leaving her in. And you never know, I might be able to use her as I'd intended in the first place.

The scene transition is a technique to do several things... one, it allows me to move the character to wherever I need her to be without gobs of writing or a blase 'then we arrived in...'. Two, it introduces uncertainty in both the reader and the character, thus raising tension. Three, it allows for the introduction of exposition rather easily. 'where am I? Who are you?' Etc etc. Many scene transitions are meant to be disorienting, but they are NOT supposed to detract from the enjoyment of reading. If they did, I apologize.

And you're right. Simultaneous events syndrome is just me and lazy writing. My editors are helping me catch it.

[222222]

Well Somber I think the scene transition is only disorienting if you are reading the whole thing in one go. Certainly as I was catching it felt like I must have missed a chapter, but after I caught up the scene transitions felt natural, like the story was progressing even if I wasn't there watching it, or reading about it rather. As for the characters, I line having characters that may not be important. I think it's fun to be kept guessing and to know some random encounters are really just that. That is probably also because of the episodic nature of the story, which lends itself to longer writing than would otherwise be feasible. Basically, I'm saying some accepted rules for writing novels don't apply here, because you arent writing a novel.

[222222]

About the age of the mane six, I can't imagine them not being adults. They live independently. Applejack and Rarity run their own businesses. Twilight is what appears to be the equivalent of a college student, almost certainly a graduate student. Rarity is ready to get married. Rainbow Dash works for the government. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Twilight are all team coordinators for winter wrap up. They attended an adult party, the Gala. They were bridesmaids. Before Twilight arrived, the other five were in charge of preparing for Celestias arrival. The only exception is possibly Pinkie Pie, who I could see being in her late teens, because she only holds a part time job and seems rather irresponsible and immature.

[Moodyman90]

Once Project Horizons is finished and becomes a target of fan publishing then maybe it would be a good idea to go in and clean up the rough parts, but as it currently stand each chapter is nearly a book in and of themselves and I'd be hard press to find things to cut.
So there's a lot of minor and nearly one shot characters, for me the build the universe and adds a bit more to the story not told. And thus making it a bit more real.
But that's just me.

[Caoimhe]

When a serial work is read back to back it can be disorienting. I felt some of the same way at first but with the correct mindset it made more sense.

Somber, I'd like to see some of the tools and notes you use in your writing to keep track of your plot lines and characters. I find writing techniques and behind the scenes stuff fascinating for some reason.

[Kippershy]

Speaking of the passing characters who only last a chapter or two at most, if that -

I love them. There's just the right amount of these characters to make it feel like a bigger, populated world then if it ONLY mentioned the characters active in her quest.

Okay, ignore this. Leaving it in a spoiler because I did say it - but turns out my memory is all smushed up.:

Anyway, yeah. Having passing characters who get noticed for a moment is nice, reminds you it's not just the story of Blackjack in Equestria, even if it is narrated by her.

[Theta]

Speaking of the passing characters who only last a chapter or two at most, if that -

I love them. There's just the right amount of these characters to make it feel like a bigger, populated world then if it ONLY mentioned the characters active in her quest.
The only time I haven't liked it (not hated it though) was with the security guard and his recordings of pre-war equestria or something.

you know the coffee shop ones?


I wasn't keen on that, didn't see the relevance and nor do I really remember anything about it now. Though I'm sure it was Horizons... wasn't it?
Anyway, yeah. Having passing characters who get noticed for a moment is nice, reminds you it's not just the story of Blackjack in Equestria, even if it is narrated by her.

The coffee shop guy was from the original FoE. I think it was during the chapter with Arbu

[Caoimhe]

One of the issues with OG FoE is that it was telling a story and creating a world at the same time, which tended to make LittlePip a little bland at times and just a recipient of exposition.

This is what makes PH so strong, the core is there already so it just blossoms as a character study. Though BJ was falling victim to this a bit in the Hightower arc, but it needed to be done. There's a few parts where she's mainly just asking continuance questions and acting the voice of the reader (some interactions with Snips for instance).

[Kippershy]

Speaking of the passing characters who only last a chapter or two at most, if that -

I love them. There's just the right amount of these characters to make it feel like a bigger, populated world then if it ONLY mentioned the characters active in her quest.
The only time I haven't liked it (not hated it though) was with the security guard and his recordings of pre-war equestria or something.

you know the coffee shop ones?


I wasn't keen on that, didn't see the relevance and nor do I really remember anything about it now. Though I'm sure it was Horizons... wasn't it?
Anyway, yeah. Having passing characters who get noticed for a moment is nice, reminds you it's not just the story of Blackjack in Equestria, even if it is narrated by her.

The coffee shop guy was from the original FoE. I think it was during the chapter with Arbu

Thinking about it, you're probably right. That's where I was reading both heavily at the same time (sometimes literally) and memories of the past have been smashed together.
Thanks for the correction, I'll go strike-out that.

[O. Hinds]

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, but here is my review of Project Horizons after reading to the end of the latest chapter :3

It is, and welcome to the PHCC!

You seem a bit confused about something: P-21 hadn't downloaded EC-1101 when Blackjack found him. It was first transferred to Blackjack's PipBuck, and that after the raiders had already entered.

Thank you for your review, though we seem to possess differing opinions on several subjective points (the presence of unnecessary events, characters, and battle scenes is prominent (while too many unnecessary things can obscure a story, at the same time, a story entirely stripped and streamlined will probably be pretty obviously The Story about The Main Character(s) rather than just another story set in a living world), and I personally take no issue with the writing style that you found difficult to understand). I'm not criticizing you, mind, just observing; after all, there are stories out there that, while I see them filled with unreadable flaws, are accepted and even lauded by others. I'm glad that the flaws you find in Project Horizons don't stop you from enjoying it.

So I'd like to think I've gone from an absolutely horrid writer to a long winded, pretentious writer.

Oh hush. Yes, you've improved, but the original, unbrushed first two chapters were still enough to suck me in. And I, as you know, am picky.

[tylertoon2]

SORRY WRONG LINK

[Caoimhe]

I have to admit, I took the esteemed Admiral's advice and started to watch the FiM but got sidetracked and hooked on that thing. The quick dialogue and writing and real pro stuff. I am continually impressed by the fanworks put out by this community.

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