Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Shady Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:55 am
But if they live on the South Pole, can we still consider them aliens?Somber wrote:Humans agree. Aliens withdraw back to Antarctica and let the ice cover them once again, waiting to see what we do...
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 23 F57](https://2img.net/h/i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/603/810/f57.jpg)
WavemasterRyx wrote:Well... you can always rewrite it for the movie adaption, sir. That's pretty common.
Radioplays and SFM works surprisingly well:
But then for PH. Internet, make this happen!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Sat Jul 05, 2014 11:21 am
Ah, SFM, the bane of my existence!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Shady Sat Jul 05, 2014 12:35 pm
Care to explain that phrase? English isn't my mother tongue and all I can think of is a certain DC Comics character.Vinylshadow wrote:Ah, SFM, the bane of my existence!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Dekshuduph Sat Jul 05, 2014 1:06 pm
Hates it. A lot.Shady wrote:Care to explain that phrase? English isn't my mother tongue and all I can think of is a certain DC Comics character.Vinylshadow wrote:Ah, SFM, the bane of my existence!
I can't particularly disagree, either, though it is one of those things you just have to kind of ignore if you don't like it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Sat Jul 05, 2014 2:02 pm
Dekshuduph wrote:Hates it. A lot.Shady wrote:Care to explain that phrase? English isn't my mother tongue and all I can think of is a certain DC Comics character.Vinylshadow wrote:Ah, SFM, the bane of my existence!
I can't particularly disagree, either, though it is one of those things you just have to kind of ignore if you don't like it.
Got it in one (Got it right)
There's a lot of awesome SFM Ponies out there, maybe one day there will be some for Horizons (There's readings, including one by the person voicing LittlePip in the radio play)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sat Jul 05, 2014 7:10 pm
Well, "bane" originally meant something that slays or destroys. Like, a guy who was famous for killing bears might be called "Roland Bear-bane". The plant wolfsbane (a.k.a. aconite) was so named because toxins derived from it were often used to kill dangerous predators.Shady wrote:Care to explain that phrase? English isn't my mother tongue and all I can think of is a certain DC Comics character.Vinylshadow wrote:Ah, SFM, the bane of my existence!
These days, the word is mostly used metaphorically for something that makes your life difficult in the set phrase, "X is the bane of my existence." And, of course, as the name of a certain steroid-using luchador.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Dekshuduph Sun Jul 06, 2014 12:17 am
Very informative. Can we tune in next week for more Terminology with SilentCarto?SilentCarto wrote:Well, "bane" originally meant something that slays or destroys. Like, a guy who was famous for killing bears might be called "Roland Bear-bane". The plant wolfsbane (a.k.a. aconite) was so named because toxins derived from it were often used to kill dangerous predators.
These days, the word is mostly used metaphorically for something that makes your life difficult in the set phrase, "X is the bane of my existence." And, of course, as the name of a certain steroid-using luchador.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:02 pm
Next week, we discuss disestablishment
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:37 am
I believe in Equestria it mostly goes like this:Vinylshadow wrote:Next week, we discuss disestablishment
Okay, who made the Cult of the Holy Sisters the state religion while I wasn't looking? I have better things to do than deal with these ponies, and legitimizing them isn't helping anyone. Steward! Get me my legislation burning tongs!Anyway, I hope that Everfree Northwest has been a good experience for Somber and anyone else involved. What events were you part of, what did you like, etc.? It looked like there were some interesting fanfiction events on the schedule, some of which seem particularly relevant here, like the How to Write a Villain/Redemption of Evil panel.
So, chapter fifty. Maybe things resolved a little easier than they might have, but overall it delivered the punch that the story had been building up to since Stygius entered the scene.
- Chapter Fifty Running Thoughts:
- “I am going for a hooficure and that is that!”
“You are not going--”
“I am! I am!”
An apt quotation for the start of the chapter, and less creepy when separated from Cadence's magic.
“I shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. Everypony I care about always leaves me. Mom did it. Dusk almost killed me. You took off twice, once to kill yourself and once to screw that guy!”
Of course it isn't even necessary for this to be the case, given she's probably had abandonment issues for a long time, but it's possible that some of Dash's characteristics that made her the Element of Loyalty are accentuating her reaction.
I remembered how Goldenblood had broken Fluttershy’s heart calling out the wrong name when they’d been together. At the time, I’d thought it’d just been Fluttershy being oversensitive. It never really occurred to me that sex might be a serious matter like that. I knew love was serious. Abuse was serious. Rape and coercion for sex were serious. But sex itself was just a means to an orgasm.
Abuse like beating the tar out of your girlfriend?
“That… she was upset about that?” I muttered, trying to wrap my head around it. It was crazy to be upset about sex. That was like… like being upset because somepony stole your carrot chips in the cafeteria.
Bearing in mind that they just came from Hightower, this stands out a bit in my mind: I bet that something just like that led to at least a few people there getting in a serious fight, maybe killed.
“We tried to explain it, but she was so wound up she just wouldn’t listen. And there were plenty of other things. The stress of knowing you were in danger but she was stuck here caring for us. The frustration of not being with you. I think these last four days were hardest on her.”
And for all that those other things mattered and frustrated and hurt her, her having sex with Stygius gave her one thing that they didn't: something to latch on to that she could specifically see as Blackjack's fault.
“I need to talk to her. I have to make it right with her. Nothing else matters till things are right with her again.”
P-21 looked on in worry. “It may not be possible to make things right, Blackjack. She may never be with you again, like that.”
I snorted, more in disgust with myself than him. “I don’t care about that! I care that she’s hurt and upset,” I said back down the stairs at the pair. “I am not going to let her and I end like Fluttershy and Goldenblood.” If I couldn’t be trusted with her heart, then at least I’d try to be worthy of her friendship.
This is the sort of thing I loved when this was originally published. It hit some of the positive aspects of Blackjack's character well, here sincerity and concern for others, while also not just papering over the fact that relationships can be difficult, especially with people.
Then my eyes fell on the contrabass in the corner. I stared for the longest time at the dark, polished wood. Then I rose to my hooves and staggered over. The finish was smooth and warm beneath my touch as I ran my finger along its -- along her neck.
Interesting how using the fingers is by this point automatic and unconscious, both in that this wasn't something she needed fingers for and that she didn't think about extending them from her hoof.
Her rainbow mane fell across her eyes, her expression reminding me of that mare I’d found hiding in that tiny space back in the weather station. No matter how her body changed, she’d always be Glory.
Wow, that's a stong indication of how badly she was hurt by all this, if it's bringing out something like what she felt from the fear and powerlessness and lonliness of that experience.
I closed my eyes and gave up control of my hoof to the instrument. It was astonishing how good it felt to simply give in and yield to another that I trusted, to simply stop struggling and be at peace.
It is a good feeling. Though in this particular moment it's a little uncomfortable to remember Blackjack is a sub.
Finally, I looked up and saw Glory looking back at me as the sad music played. The eyes might have been different, but the feelings were the same. Her love might have been bound tightly, but it hadn’t suffocated yet. I set the bow aside and patted the wood paneling, then sat before Glory. The cyan pegasus rubbed my mane and asked in a tiny voice, “Do you hate me for bringing you back? Is that… why…”
Ah, this. It's one of the more painful sides of this whole thing.
“Something else happened, didn’t it?”
“How... how’d you know?”
A tiny, mirthless smile appeared on her lips. “I didn’t. But I’ve learned by now that, no matter how bad I think things might be, I ought to double it when you’re involved.”
As they say, some things are worse than you can possibly imagine, even if you take into account they're worse than you can possibly imagine.
“I wake up and I need to… to do a hundred wing pushups! I could only do one before. I want to go for a thirty mile flight! I sit here and feel… twitchy. I planned on shoving you, not throwing you clear across the room.” She rubbed her face and shook her head. “Everything about this body says it’s not me.”
“I can relate,” I said as popped out my fingers and wiggled them at her.
She gave a ghost of a smile. “Yeah. I guess I know better how you feel.” She rubbed her face with a wing. “I also… I dunno… I sometimes feel like I’m losing myself. Like I really am turning into Rainbow Dash.
Yeah, the physical parallel is important, but the disconcerted feelings relating to the mental changes are something that they share, too. First Psalm's memories in dreams, then the recordings, and then the Goddess all do something to push Blackjack away from being just herself, if in a different way than how Glory is worried about her own case.
“I guess so. A pony could do some great business being a psychologist in the Wasteland.”
Paging Dr. Rampage . . .
I told her everything, with the exceptions of me dying again and trying to pull myself together yesterday and the Goddess in my brain.
I get not telling about the Goddess—the mental inhibition and all—but why not the dying and related part? Yes, it'll be painful and validate some of the worries, but isn't the point of all this supposed to be clearing the air and not hiding things?
“For her it is,” P-21 said. “And she has a point. Where sex can lead to kids, you don’t want to have family you’re not ready to be responsible for. So you keep it special and reserved to ponies you absolutely want to have kids with.”
Example of where mention of STDs would have made sense.
And there wouldn’t be much rainwater collection area for it to use; you’d have to spread things out over the town. And that would reduce the rainwater available for drinking...”
Temporarily, as it was being filled. And I don't know that rainwater is in short supply there, though perhaps capturing capacity is.
Fluttershy had said that Marigold had been an ideal candidate for the spell. And hadn’t she been Twilight’s cousin? But… no. That wasn’t possible. I hadn’t been able to open the door in Tenpony. I’d failed the test.
Well, some extra evidence pointing that way.
I’m sorry that things didn’t work out with you and the space program. We’re still going to launch rockets to learn more about the moon, stars and Equestria… until they turn those into weapons too. I think you did a really brave thing keeping your baby.
. . .
Please take care of yourself and your baby. I’ll try and make her next birthday. Celestia knows, I feel like I need something to celebrate.
Love,
Twilight Sparkle.
PS: Did you know Cadance had another foal? Everypony’s having babies except me and my friends! I’m getting a little jealous!
And now I'm wondering, probably because I'm forgetting the answer that was already given: did Twilight have her memory of being pregnant removed in addition to her memories of her and Macintosh together?
Back in Tenpony, I’d craved normalcy and resented the transformation Glory had put me through. Now I was a twice-resurrected cyberpony with a goddess in my head. All I needed were wings, and I’d be a cyber zombie alicorn! Ministry Mare decendancy would be a step towards normal!
Ah, some foreshadowing there.
“Dealer,” I said softly as Boo flopped into a half-empty box.
It is a well known fact that boxes are one of cats' favorite places.
“I wish I had your confidence,” Marigold murmured softly as she looked back at the rocket. “Only one launch a month, if at all. This place was supposed to have ten times that. It was supposed to be a way towards a new future. Now it’s just a target for the zebras.”
Coming off of the conversation between Celestia and Luna including the bit about how Luna was supposed to lead the country to a brigher future, not a darker one, and given the connections the base has to her, this comes as something of a reminder of the rebuke, and something more direct than just the general assertion.
“Wonderful,” Marigold said lightly. “I’d be fine with that if we actually had a space program somewhere else. Anywhere!” Marigold said with an aggravated snort. “If it wasn’t for the O.I.A. sending up occasional missiles, they’d probably just let the zebra level this place.”
Why would the O.I.A. be sending up missiles? That seems more like something for the military directly. And was this to mean up to space, or at targets? If shooting at things, then that seems like a lot of trouble, given the cost/effect you get for long range conventionally-armed ballistic missiles. Of course, it's presumably just a cover for Horizons work, but it's not a very robust cover.
The pink mare was, like her friend, definitely showing signs of wear and tear. She threw her forelegs around Rainbow Dash and hugged. “Isn’t this just great! And soon we’re going to be meeting Rarity and Applejack and Spikey Wikey! It’s just like old times!”
At first I thought that was something only Rarity called him, but it seems Pinkie did call him that in "Owl's Well That Ends Well."
Then she snapped around and looked right at me. Her bright blue eyes flattened as she stared into Marigold’s. “Uh oh! Somepony’s been baaaaaad!” she said as her lips curled in a grin that spread wider and wider as she advanced. “Didn’t anypony teach you it’s naughty to spy on other ponies?”
The worst part is I could absolutely see Pinkie saying this in this situation.
She stopped at a T and looked left and right, glancing behind herself before darting down to the right. Pinkie Pie wasn’t running after her, though. She simply bounced along behind on her four hooves. She didn’t seem to cover all that much ground. But every time Marigold looked back, the grinning pink mare grew closer and closer.
I think the Pepe Le Pew reference is one of my favorite Pinkie gags, in isolation, but that's an unprincipled exception to my dislike of how she works in general.
I shook my head hard as the memory orb ended. I wondered if Pinkie had extracted the memory from Marigold, or if Marigold had gotten the memory out and somehow it’d gotten into the box down here.
I had wondered what the deal with that orb was, too, but I guess now we know.
“So... it all started with the first time I died...”
* * *
“And then she threw me across the room and into the wall. Now she’s not sure and I don’t know what to do and everything’s nuts,” I finished, sighing.
Thankfully, we did not get the clip-show version of events twice.
Even the alicorns have been pulling back closer to Maripony.”
Suddenly I felt the Goddess begin to press on the inside of my mind. I might not have been a real alicorn, but I had the connection to Unity, and she was trying to take over as hard as she could. I gritted my teeth and gulped, fighting the connection. To no avail. Against my will, I choked out the question, “Do you know if LittlePip is planning anything against the Goddess?” Each word spilled from my lips and I twitched and jerked as I fought against my own body to cut the connection. Push the button Blackjack! Just push... the... button...
Hm. Seems like the Goddess really did have a pretty stong grip on her even in Hoofington, though I suppose the fact it was low-Enervation Star House/Chapel played a role. This wasn't much short of full physical control, if indeed it didn't reach that point.
“How… Lacunae said you couldn’t control me because of the Enervation.”
The Goddess laughed softly, cruelly. It was infinitely more intimate and terrifying than the bold shouts and third person references. “Oh, this isn’t control. Not yet. This is just finding ways to push through the interference. I’ll chip off a little bit here and a little bit there till eventually, there won’t be much difference between you and a normal vessel.”
Okay. I guess I'll take it.
“Oh no, Blackjack. No killing yourself. No telling anypony either. Neither you nor that garbage bin you call a friend,” the Goddess hissed softly in her malice. “Nopony has ever insulted me the way you have. Nopony would dare. Well, now you’re mine. I’m going to tear off itty bitty little pieces of you till there’s nothing left but a shell. Then I’ll have that garbage bin bring you back for a real transformation to a proper shape. And I’ll make sure that all the Wasteland sees what I’m going to turn you into, so none ever dare to challenge me again.”
Yeah, this whole plot line is some pretty horrific stuff, and the pure malice of the Goddess just sells it.
“Blackjack?” Glory said softly behind me. I didn’t face her. I couldn’t. I just hung my head a little. The stuff I could speak about I couldn’t bring myself to say, and the stuff I needed to warn her about, I couldn’t speak. So I cried and moved the rag in slow little circles like I was determined to get that one tile spotless because it was better than anything else I could do.
“What are you doing, Blackjack?” she asked from beside me. I glanced at her bloodshot eyes; their lids were swollen from crying.
“Cleaning,” I said lamely as I looked away.
She reached down and stopped my hoof with her own. I saw then that I’d washed a perfectly round circle in the tile while missing the rest of the mess. “Let me help you,” she said simply, then tied her rag over her rainbow mane and starting to clean as well. We didn’t talk. I could barely breathe. Together, we straightened up every little thing there was to fix… except each other.
I wanted to talk, but I didn’t. I wanted to tell her what I’d just done, but I couldn’t. I wanted her to end me, but she wouldn’t. And so finally I struck a match from an old matchbox and lit the papers in the fireplace.
Then her hooves reached around me. For a moment I tensed, ready for another throw. But it didn’t come… part of me wished it would. I hung my head and said in a wet little filly’s voice, “I’m not going to run. I’m not. I’m not…”
That was as much as I could get out, but it was enough as she held me and I fell apart again in her embrace. “Shhh… I know… I know…” I might have gone through hell itself, but that didn’t mean I was beyond needing a simple, sincere hug.
I love this scene. However, isn't Blackjack's breathing mechanically regulated, like her heartbeat?
“I cannot perform the telepathic magic your plan requires. I am sorry. The Goddess refuses to grant me such abilities.” Out of spite, I guessed.
Shouldn't have been hard to see this coming. Most of her actions related to Blackjack are, after all, motivated by spite.
Rampage and Majina were in the house, where the little zebra talked a mile a minute. It seemed to be working; Rampage had gone from sulking and depressed to looking baffled as she tried to follow a tale involving a mouse, three Fancy Buck Cakes, and a carton of milk. While I knew the Angel was inside the small red striped filly, I hoped she couldn’t do anything severe to the zebra filly before we could separate them.
Eh, I'm not sure she really seems like the Angel's normal target. Also, anyone up for writing that story? :D
You could forget some critical thought processes, like respiration,” Lacunae said with clear concern.
I actually laughed at that. “Lacunae, I’ve got a talisman regulating my breathing now. Heck, you could blow my head off and my body would probably keep living for a few days afterward.
Yeah, that thing about having trouble breathing earlier stands out even more with this in the same chapter. Though the description is pretty similar to someone I knew who told me about his pacemaker—would probably only keep beating a few seconds after losing his head, though. The issue would be tissue damage from lack of oxygen, of course, not regulation.
We all stared at her for a long minute. “Sekashi… that’s a horrible story!” Glory blurted.
The zebra mare rubbed her chin. “Perhaps I should add more description of his cloak? Would that make it better?”
I feel like this might be a slightly modified port from real life.
“She comes here the first time telling us about her poor momma and how she died. How she’s just like us. So we tell her she can be a Crusader. So what does she come trotting up here with this time?” Charity clasped her hooves together and grinned with a leer. “Why, her daddy, of course!” Her eyes fluttered a few times, her eyes wet behind her lids.
That was then, this is now, etc. Also, it's not like Charity isn't pretty sure her father is alive, if exceedingly uncaring regarding most of his offspring.
Out came Duty and Sacrifice as I thought of who might be attacking us. Harbingers? Enclave? Raiders? I darted out into the rain and paused as my enemy came to light: gravity.
Ah, yes. One of Blackjack's most persistent foes.
“Just bad luck,” a colt muttered as they looked at the wrecked buildings. “What with the rain and all…”
“No! Not bad luck!” Scotch Tape cried as she stepped away from P-21.
Ah, Scotch seems to share some feelings with me: This was easily avoidable!
“I know this is your home. I want to do better too. I want this to be a better place to live. I want this to be a better world! But if you won’t listen to me, then there’s nothing I can do. I’m just like Blackjack.”
"Please, don't make me be like Blackjack!"
“I know you want to help Rampage, and I think you should, but right now you need a little more help,” she said as she stroked my spine. The contact and attention made me groan, but I also felt a little stab of guilt. I’d failed to save Medley. I didn’t deserve to--
“Yeouch!” I yelped as Glory whacked my backside hard. Being unaugmented, it was one of the places on me that could really sting! My cheeks flamed as I looked over my shoulder at her. “Glory! You hit me!”
“You were thinking about Medley, weren’t you?” Glory asked as she looked into my eyes.
Sure, it's partly because Blackjack is very predictable, but part of the reason it feels like this could work out is that Glory does generally seem to understand her pretty well. With the notably rare exception of sex, of course.
“Of course you have a choice. If you really need me to stop, just call me Rainbow Dash,” she said as she stroked my mane, making me murr at the contact.
I've kind of warmed up to the idea of this being their safe word over time, and see the thought behind it. That said, I do find it kind of funny that this pretty closely mirrors the event leading to Fluttershy's breakup with Goldenblood.
Glory flushed a little, but also smiled too as she twisted the leash around her hoof and drew out the slack.
You know, it just occurred to me that Blackjack would probably enjoy all three of the Royal Navy's traditions: rum, obviously; sodomy, probably, depending on the situation and possibly how you define "sodomy"; and the lash, well, see the scene just ended. Helps that she has the benefit of unusual durability and regenerative capacities, of course.
“You’re a grown mare. She’s a grown mare. You’re both safe and consenting. Beyond that, it’s none of my business. Don’t involve Scotch Tape, and I’ll be happy.”
Good attitude, P-21. Of course, "safe" is a relative thing, and what's safe for Blackjack likely wouldn't be for almost anyone else.
“She hasn’t tried to hurt Boo, has she?” I asked with a worried frown.
“No. Apparently three of her souls think she’s their daughter or something.
Twist and Shujaa, sure, but I'm not sure who the third would be. Cutting out the Angel, Doctor Octopus, and Razorwire for various reasons, I guess that mostly leaves Officer Softheart out of the personalities that have manifested. And at least she had a child.
“That’s not how science works, Blackjack,” Lacunae told me with an air of infinite patience.
Infinite patience seems like a good description for Lacunae. Also, I think that that line is just inherently funny, though a calmer delivery likely helps.
“It’s how the science of friendship works,” I said aloud in my frustration.
I think this might be a somewhat impressively oblique title drop of FiM, or at least of one of Twilight's catchprases since magic is a science in Equestria, and friendship is magic.
Glory sputtered and looked at P-21. “Are you seriously going to sit there and... and...”
“Why?” P-21 just blinked in confusion. “She has her implant.”
Glory then lit off into a tirade about sexual propriety and how Scotch should wait till she was married, and Scotch immediately asked what marriage even was.
Still no disease, and I'd have thought that would be the first thing she'd go with after the implant deal. Also, really? Wait for marriage in the Wasteland? How would you even get married? And what about Blackjack? Is Glory married to her? What about Dusk and Lightning Dancer, are they?
I gave P-21 an apologetic smile and abandoned him, slipping over to Rampage’s room.
Man this seems like a funny thing to watch.
“Rampage doesn’t really exist. If she doesn’t exist, then all the horrible things that happened to her don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if she killed somepony... or... or anypony...”
Well, it doesn't matter to her; I'm pretty sure some other people still care about the dead pony, at least potentially. There've been enough.
“Is it true?” Shujaa asked in a near whisper.
“It’s not true till they take my stripes,” the soldier said, looking at the zebra with the tiniest smile. “If something should happen out there...”
Eh, I think this might be a case of LUS going a bit overboard, made the more so by the fact that everyone in the vehicle is a soldier.
The sergeants were all making sure everypony could say ‘surrender’, ‘drop your weapon’, and ‘follow’ in zebra as I moved out with the grace and silence of a ghost.
That doesn't seem like something you want to leave until after touching down in potentially hostile territory; sure, the landing itself may have been loud enough to alert anyone that they were there so the noise wouldn't be an issue, but if you're focusing on this then you aren't paying attention to your surroundings.
Then she came across blasted robots in the muck. They weren’t like Protectaponies. These were sleek and black. They reminded me more of the cyberdogs I’d seen in the tunnels. First she came across one. Then three. Then a half dozen. Some were larger than others, resembling mechanical manticores. “What are hunter killers doing here?” she murmured in worry, and proceeded with more caution.
Interesting start to this part of the scene, but unfortunately I think that having her say this out loud, even murmured, in this sensitive situation is a bad enough tactical move that it's a little distracting as a way to get exposition out that may well have waited until later.
“Contact!” a mare screamed in the night, and then the air filled with the buzz of two machine guns sweeping across the assembled zebras. Had they not been tired and worn, I was sure they would have been able to get to safety. Exhausted and out in the open, they were torn down by the spray of fire as the mare screamed hysterically. “Contact! Enemy contact! Enemy ambush!”
The injuries that Shujaa had sustained slowed her a bit. Some more of the wild spray caught her, knocking her back. Twist, however, was able to run to the side and keep out on her field of fire. She slid in the mud and slammed into the snide mare from the skywagon. “You fucking idiot! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
The young earth pony slammed back. Had she been ten years younger, I was sure that Twist would have been able to take her. But with the mud, her hooves twisted out beneath her and she was sent sprawling.
“What am I doing?! Killing the fucking enemy! That’s what we fucking do! That’s the point of this whole fucking war. To kill them all!” the mare yelled at Twist. “Not fuck them like some sympathizing whore!”
This is probably one of the better examples of how the war's propaganda and changed society was affecting things on an individual level, since of course by all indications Applesnack was always a racist even before the war went into high gear.
- Chapter Fifty Overall Thoughts:
- Ah, "Selfishness." What I think of as the first real chapter after the reunion. It's almost as low-key of a chapter as 49, with only one present action scene and one in the past. But where it shines is in its character work, which largely falls on three axes: Blackjack and Glory, with some support from P-21 and Scotch Tape; Blackjack and the Goddess, which is also important plot development; and Rampage's crisis of self. There's some for Scotch as well, but it plays a smaller role, and while it ties in to ongoing developments it's not as core as the others.
Blackjack and Glory's relationship has always been somewhat troubled. Even before it began, Glory was showing some jealousy where Blackjack was concerned, which came out primarily with respect to Caprice. Not entirely surprisingly, that was tied up with her sexual hangups as well. Going beyond that issue that's largely been in the background since, there's a fair deal of questionable emotional and mental baggage going on there, often for example with each using the fact they need to be strong for the other as one of the few pillars holding them up. The present situation sees that all amplified with other things thrown in—Blackjack's running off leaves Glory feeling worried and helpless, as she has to help P-21 and Scotch Tape get through their medical problems; she's feeling betrayed by Blackjack's non-sexual exclusivity, and shamed by the public broadcast of that; and on top of all of that, she's dealing with a new body that feels entirely alien to her in its athleticism and yearning to be used, not to mention the fear, justified or not, that she was starting to turn into Rainbow mentally or emotionally as well. Now, I think that one aspect of the Stygius affair is that it's the one part of what had happened, that Glory knew about at the time, that she could latch onto as something she could really blame Blackjack for: running off was probably the expedient thing to do in terms of getting them to Chapel safely, and not attracting a ton of Harbingers there, and on top of that there was Glory's fear that Blackjack resented her for bringing her back as a cyborg. I think that part of her reaction, just running away as soon as she got an object lesson on Stable 99's sexual mores from the three survivors as a means of getting her to stop beating the shit out of Blackjack, was at least in part losing the one thing that made this all Blackjack's fault—or anyway, maliciously so. This retreat leads to an uncomfortable, almost humbling moment in which Blackjack tries to approach a weeping Glory to at least salvage their friendship, but retreats, having been unable to say or do anything at all. This is followed by Blackjack playing Octavia, which draws Glory over, and Blackjack tries to play an apology. Next comes the sorting out, where Blackjack details what she's done and the mistakes she's made since leaving Glory, except for dying the second time—presumably to spare Glory's feelings, but at any rate this was something I found strange as it looks to me like the opposite of the point of what they were doing at the time—and the Goddess's new connection to her—because she can't due the the Goddess's inhibition. This all goes about as you'd expect, but with the highlight of a greater deal of understanding of each for the other's body changes. One difficult part there is that Glory's concern that Blackjack hated her for bringing her back was at least somewhat validated. This segment ends with a noncommittal separation, with Glory not knowing where to go from there but Blackjack saying she's going to stay put until various things are fixed. There's then a break during which some other things happen, principally Blackjack's ordeal with the Goddess, which leaves her violated, broken, and alone, cleaning the kitchen in a daze. Glory offers to help, and this leads into one of the sweetest sections of the chapter in which each simply clean up the house before Blackjack quietly, desperately says she won't run again and Glory comforts her. Glory expresses admiration and frustration regarding Blackjack and how she deals with helping people, and then this breaks again to let other parts of the chapter happen, picking up during the action climax of the chapter, wherein a storm results in flooding of the drainage ditch/open sewer following the collapse of one of the ramshackle buildings of Chapel, which traps Medley below the water. Blackjack nearly drowns herself trying to rescue Medley and kicks Glory as she tried to pull Blackjack out. This precipitates the big moment of decision in the Glory/Blackjack relationship for the chapter: Glory can stay with Blackjack, but she can't be anything more than a friend as long as she's worried Blackjack will go off and get herself killed because she doesn't value her own life. The solution is starting a Dom/sub BDSM relationship where only Glory ever gets to punish Blackjack—so that Blackjack comes to her when she's guilty rather than bottling it up until she breaks down in a crisis of self-worth and does something stupid—and Glory gets to reign in Blackjack if she ever thinks that she's not merely trying to help, but looking for self-destruction. And it seems to be off to an okay start, at least.
The Goddess's storyline continues as well in this chapter, as she uses Blackjack to get information on what Littlepip is likely trying to do to kill her. Mostly this serves as a way of establishing the stakes in this plot line: Blackjack can't say what's happening; she can already be forced to say and do things she doesn't want to, at least in a limited capacity; the Goddess can sort through and remove her memories; she means to destroy Blackjack bit by bit leaving her nothing but a husk before converting her fully; and she's aware of and potentially has plans for the Gardens. What I thought made this a little more than man of the Goddess segments was the degree of vile, overpowering hatred the Goddess had for Blackjack, and her desire to unmake Blackjack for having humiliated her more than anyone else, but more, to torture her along the way by leaving her to see it happening but being powerless to stop the process or ask for help. This wasn't a Goddess there for overwrought fun or to serve the needs of the plot; she meant business and established herself as a key threat for the coming chapters, if one that's not normally in the foreground.
Rampage's part starts with a more determined suicide attempt than normal, seeking the Core's "Mercy." She's disintegrated and comes back as a filly before Blackjack can magic her off the bridge. With Rampage upset over thinking she's not even a pony, Blackjack decides to start trying to find memories that indicate she is one independent of the souls in the phoenix talisman. Lacunae can't help because the Goddess is being petty and spiteful and asserting her dominance. So Blackjack will have to do it like the brain dive for Lacunae back at the Collegiate. Rampage resists anything at first, trying to reject any personhood at all, essentially wanting to become nothing but a tool to fight on Blackjack's behalf. This in a way reflects some of what Blackjack herself has gone through, particularly in her fears of her Reaper aspect. Blackjack easily parries with the point that even if there wasn't always a Rampage, Rampage certainly does exist—Arloste had a child with Priest, Rampage has been one of Blackjack's best friends and always, always helped her when she needed it—and anyway if she doesn't exist then what does she care if Blackjack does some probing? In the end she agrees to let Blackjack try, but is very worried by the prospect of potentially being left a cripple or mentally damaged, much preferring death. The result is the memory of the lead-up to Shujaa's death at the hooves of some new, remarkably racist Equestrian soldier during the attempted extraction of the First Legion and related discovery of the Brood of Coyotl. Shujaa cuts the talisman from her own chest to implant it in Twist, who had sustained otherwise mortal wound. Earlier in the same memory, we hear a bit about Twist and Shujaa's "pet" or "feral beast," which they treat like a person, with Twist saying she doesn't like to say goodbye to it because it makes her feel like she won't be coming home, and later regretting not doing so, since it appeared she wouldn't be.
Scotch Tape is growing a bit, seeking to help Chapel by making suggestions for its rebuilding. She is, however, stymied by rejection from the others there; she's no longer seen as one of them, a Crusader, since she now has a living parent in P-21. She's vindicated, not that she'd want it that way, when the building collapse and flood lead to the death of Medley; upon calling out the Crusaders on this preventable death and saying that there's a right way and a wrong way to do things, culminating with the appeal that she's just trying to help but as long as they don't let her she's no different than Blackjack—at that point crying on the ground with everyone in the town watching her, bemoaning her inability to keep a little filly from dying—they ask her to tell them what they can do and she begins directing the cleanup until taken away due to her continuing infirmity from the chlorine poisoning and postoperative infection.
Going beyond this, there's some indication that Twilight is likely Blackjack's ancestor after all, as she was Marigold's cousin, the success rate of the surrogacy spell is closely linked to how closely related the surrogate is to the recipient, and Marigold was an ideal candidate. There's some expansion on the Equestrian space program, and we find out that Spike seemed surprised to learn he helped Blackjack out at Goldenblood's cottage, and indeed wanted to know about any other times he may have contacted her lately. Caprice is now in Chapel, having been kicked out of Flank (most people from Flank left at the same time) and given a load of debt by Charity as a reason for her to stick around until she's in a better place. P-21 and Scotch are working out how they're supposed to relate as father and daughter. And our cliffhanger is the arrival of one Dawn, looking for her daughter, Morning Glory.
Oh, and by all appearances Somber could probably write some pretty good clop, covering both some substantive story/character interaction to make it matter and the intimate mechanics to exploit them. Of course, he's said things here that imply he has written some, just never published, at least under his main pen name. Could have just been a joke though. We may never know. (P.S. The truth is out there, unless it isn't. P.P.S. I am not a crank.)
- Chapter Fifty Editing:
- polished wood. Then I rose
three spaces after period
I just tore them to pieces.” I opened my mouth
only one space after quotation
Things were quite a mess; I’d guessed Glory had tried to clean up some while caring for P-21 and Scotch, but it still looked like a hurricane had blown through.
should this be "I guessed Glory"? If this is when she was first taking it in and thinking about it, when had she previously thought that?
“I don’t get why its such a big deal,”
"it's"
the legal rights remain-
second hyphen for dash
too obscured for me to read. I frowned as I
only one space after period
of them being ‘sanitized.’ I don’t
This is in context, but: period to outside of quotation marks?
We’re still going to launch rockets to learn more about the moon, stars and Equestria…
This is in context, but: final serial comma after "stars"?
I looked at the signature; precise and elegant with swooping cursive letters.
semicolon to colon?
with a goddess in my head. All I needed were wings, and I’d be a cyber zombie alicorn!
only one space after period
“If it wasn’t for the O.I.A. sending up occasional missiles, they’d probably just let the zebra level this place.”
"wasn't" to "weren't," "zebras"? Then again, it is dialogue.
and Goldenblood’s scheduling, I never get a-“ Rainbow Dash
second hyphen for dash
almost possessed look. “It’s the only explanation
only one space after period
“And I don’t care what Twilight says-“ Pinkie Pie blinked and then blurted
second hyphen for dash
way to ‘disgrace’ her. He loves using people
only one space after period
The Pegasus put her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders to placate her.
"Pegusus" shouldn't be capitalized
“Wheeeeere’s Pinkie Pie?” The voice sounded out again, now growing more distant.
Should "The" not be capitalized, and follow the quotation with only one space?
being a spy and traitor. Twilight went all the way
“I don’t think so. I know Goldenblood
only one space after period
One of his ‘back channels.’ I have no idea
period to outside of quotation marks
A little treasure just laying there to be seen.
"lying," but then this is dialogue
All I could do was think and wait for the goddess to turn her attention elsewhere.
"Goddess"
towards the stairs. I’d fought giant monster
only one space after period
The stuff I could speak about I couldn’t bring myself to say, and the stuff I needed to warn her about, I couldn’t speak.
should the commas match in the two halves?
"The stuff I could speak about, I couldn’t bring myself to say, and the stuff I needed to warn her about, I couldn’t speak."?
trademark drizzle. We trotted through
only one space after period
Slowly we approached Rampage, the striped earth pony standing as still as a blank.
comma after "slowly"?
“Yeah.” I said as I joined her at the rail
period should be comma, there should be only one space after quotation
I’m pretty sure now the answer is really ‘none of the above!’
exclamation point to outside of quotation marks
Or if any of them are me.”
“And I just want it to stop!” she yelled as she tore away and ran
first paragraph shouldn't end with closing quotation mark
Glory lay atop me in the rain, panting as downpour washed away the muddy gray ashes.
Should it be "the downpour"?
“Stop!” I shouted as she reformed a third time,
went into your mind to find you?” I asked as I pointed a hoof at
should have only one space after quotation
I know a story about a funny zebra back in the homelands. A good male; wealthy and powerful and generous
period to colon, semicolon to comma?
It’s the Goddess’.
"Goddess's"
“Caprice?” I gaped at her.
should have second space after quotation
The once-leader of the Flank looked as if she were recovering from quite a beating.
I was thrown out of the Flank.
Shouldn't that just be "Flank"?
“Most of the Flank went to go work for the Society.
Not sure here: would it still just be "Flank," since it's the ponies of Flank?
“Yes boss!” Caprice said, scurrying back into the cramped and overstocked work space.
comma after "Yes"?
“Duh! That’s what makes it funny,”
should have second space after exclamation point
ponderous crash into the ditch; bearing the chartreuse Medley with it.
semicolon to comma
would be alive right now!” Scotch Tape said as she pointed
really supposed to help?” I asked, flushing a little
should have only one space after quotation
Glory clicked the lock closed on the collar around my neck with a definite note of finality.
Suggest rewording: Glory clicked the lock on the collar around my neck closed with a definite note of finality.
I needed her like I needed air. “But where the heck
only one space after period
did you even find a collar like this?” I asked with a little squirm
should have only one space after quotation
as she twisted the leash around her hoof
extra space in "the leash"
“Well let me tell you something, miss pony who says she doesn’t exist.
comma after "Well"?
mare... very fit and healthy... earth p- no... this body was like an earth pony’s,
second hyphen for dash?
unicorns and pegasi. “Sergeant,” a few said
only one space after period
If they’re willing the throw in the towel in now,
redundant "in"
Dearest Luna, soft and strong!” He called out.
"He" shouldn't be capitalized
She’s the sergeant’s very special somepon...er...zebra,”
spaces after ellipses, or at least the second one?
but the soldier mare who been talking before did so with a poorly concealed sneer.
"who had been"/"who'd been"
“Now you see,” a voice said from the darkness in heavily accented Pony.
You've used "Equestrian" as the language a few times, but I think this is the only case of "Pony" (though there is also Principles of Proper Pony Speech, which could be either the species or the language, I suppose)
From a distant tribe, we were told. ‘The Children of Cóyotl.’ They did not
second period to outside of quotation marks, only one space after second period
Shujaa gasped something in zebra. Twist echoed
"zebra" should be capitalized
I know the Ministry of Awesome is going to want to hear about-”
second hyphen for dash
“No!” Shujaa cried, saying something in zebra before grabbing the knife from her sheath.
"zebra" should be capitalized
There’s no way the first legion would defect,” Shujaa replied evenly.
If the first legion is out here, you’re our best chance to find them.
These aren’t first legion.
This is all that remains of the first legion.
Should "first legion" be capitalized?
- Other Editing:
- 33:
I was glad she got to play somewhere again before she returned to the Flank to die.
Shouldn't that just be "Flank"?
58:
The rocks kept me from being swept away immediately, but they didn’t stop every medical signal on my Pipbuck from flashing red as I was hit with more force than I’d ever imagined.
I would have lingered, but the ash was making my Pipbuck tick.
"PipBuck"
62.1:
“I served under one of the finest officers in the Equestrian army.
"Equestrian Army", I think
Last edited by Icy Shake on Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:59 am
Not sure if seriousDekshuduph wrote:Very informative. Can we tune in next week for more Terminology with SilentCarto?
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 23 Futuramafry](https://2img.net/h/i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/026/futuramafry.jpg){kind=icon}
or just sarcastic...
That would sort of required a nationally-recognized religion in Equestria, wouldn't it?Vinylshadow wrote:Next week, we discuss disestablishment
SilentCarto- Alicorn
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Age : 45
Location : Texas
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:31 am
Ah, thank you very much as always.Icy Shake wrote:I believe in Equestria it mostly goes like this:Vinylshadow wrote:Next week, we discuss disestablishment
Anyway, I hope that Everfree Northwest has been a good experience for Somber and anyone else involved. What events were you part of, what did you like, etc.? It looked like there were some interesting fanfiction events on the schedule, some of which seem particularly relevant here, like the How to Write a Villain/Redemption of Evil panel.
So, chapter fifty. Maybe things resolved a little easier than they might have, but overall it delivered the punch that the story had been building up to since Stygius entered the scene.
- Chapter Fifty Running Thoughts:
“You are not going--”
“I am! I am!”
An apt quotation for the start of the chapter, and less creepy when separated from Cadence's magic.
“I shouldn’t be surprised, I guess. Everypony I care about always leaves me. Mom did it. Dusk almost killed me. You took off twice, once to kill yourself and once to screw that guy!”
Of course it isn't even necessary for this to be the case, given she's probably had abandonment issues for a long time, but it's possible that some of Dash's characteristics that made her the Element of Loyalty are accentuating her reaction.
I remembered how Goldenblood had broken Fluttershy’s heart calling out the wrong name when they’d been together. At the time, I’d thought it’d just been Fluttershy being oversensitive. It never really occurred to me that sex might be a serious matter like that. I knew love was serious. Abuse was serious. Rape and coercion for sex were serious. But sex itself was just a means to an orgasm.
Abuse like beating the tar out of your girlfriend?
“That… she was upset about that?” I muttered, trying to wrap my head around it. It was crazy to be upset about sex. That was like… like being upset because somepony stole your carrot chips in the cafeteria.
Bearing in mind that they just came from Hightower, this stands out a bit in my mind: I bet that something just like that led to at least a few people there getting in a serious fight, maybe killed.
“We tried to explain it, but she was so wound up she just wouldn’t listen. And there were plenty of other things. The stress of knowing you were in danger but she was stuck here caring for us. The frustration of not being with you. I think these last four days were hardest on her.”
And for all that those other things mattered and frustrated and hurt her, her having sex with Stygius gave her one thing that they didn't: something to latch on to that she could specifically see as Blackjack's fault.
“I need to talk to her. I have to make it right with her. Nothing else matters till things are right with her again.”
P-21 looked on in worry. “It may not be possible to make things right, Blackjack. She may never be with you again, like that.”
I snorted, more in disgust with myself than him. “I don’t care about that! I care that she’s hurt and upset,” I said back down the stairs at the pair. “I am not going to let her and I end like Fluttershy and Goldenblood.” If I couldn’t be trusted with her heart, then at least I’d try to be worthy of her friendship.
This is the sort of thing I loved when this was originally published. It hit some of the positive aspects of Blackjack's character well, here sincerity and concern for others, while also not just papering over the fact that relationships can be difficult, especially with people.
Then my eyes fell on the contrabass in the corner. I stared for the longest time at the dark, polished wood. Then I rose to my hooves and staggered over. The finish was smooth and warm beneath my touch as I ran my finger along its -- along her neck.
Interesting how using the fingers is by this point automatic and unconscious, both in that this wasn't something she needed fingers for and that she didn't think about extending them from her hoof.
Her rainbow mane fell across her eyes, her expression reminding me of that mare I’d found hiding in that tiny space back in the weather station. No matter how her body changed, she’d always be Glory.
Wow, that's a stong indication of how badly she was hurt by all this, if it's bringing out something like what she felt from the fear and powerlessness and lonliness of that experience.
I closed my eyes and gave up control of my hoof to the instrument. It was astonishing how good it felt to simply give in and yield to another that I trusted, to simply stop struggling and be at peace.
It is a good feeling. Though in this particular moment it's a little uncomfortable to remember Blackjack is a sub.
Finally, I looked up and saw Glory looking back at me as the sad music played. The eyes might have been different, but the feelings were the same. Her love might have been bound tightly, but it hadn’t suffocated yet. I set the bow aside and patted the wood paneling, then sat before Glory. The cyan pegasus rubbed my mane and asked in a tiny voice, “Do you hate me for bringing you back? Is that… why…”
Ah, this. It's one of the more painful sides of this whole thing.
“Something else happened, didn’t it?”
“How... how’d you know?”
A tiny, mirthless smile appeared on her lips. “I didn’t. But I’ve learned by now that, no matter how bad I think things might be, I ought to double it when you’re involved.”
As they say, some things are worse than you can possibly imagine, even if you take into account they're worse than you can possibly imagine.
“I wake up and I need to… to do a hundred wing pushups! I could only do one before. I want to go for a thirty mile flight! I sit here and feel… twitchy. I planned on shoving you, not throwing you clear across the room.” She rubbed her face and shook her head. “Everything about this body says it’s not me.”
“I can relate,” I said as popped out my fingers and wiggled them at her.
She gave a ghost of a smile. “Yeah. I guess I know better how you feel.” She rubbed her face with a wing. “I also… I dunno… I sometimes feel like I’m losing myself. Like I really am turning into Rainbow Dash.
Yeah, the physical parallel is important, but the disconcerted feelings relating to the mental changes are something that they share, too. First Psalm's memories in dreams, then the recordings, and then the Goddess all do something to push Blackjack away from being just herself, if in a different way than how Glory is worried about her own case.
“I guess so. A pony could do some great business being a psychologist in the Wasteland.”
Paging Dr. Rampage . . .
I told her everything, with the exceptions of me dying again and trying to pull myself together yesterday and the Goddess in my brain.
I get not telling about the Goddess—the mental inhibition and all—but why not the dying and related part? Yes, it'll be painful and validate some of the worries, but isn't the point of all this supposed to be clearing the air and not hiding things?
“For her it is,” P-21 said. “And she has a point. Where sex can lead to kids, you don’t want to have family you’re not ready to be responsible for. So you keep it special and reserved to ponies you absolutely want to have kids with.”
Example of where mention of STDs would have made sense.
And there wouldn’t be much rainwater collection area for it to use; you’d have to spread things out over the town. And that would reduce the rainwater available for drinking...”
Temporarily, as it was being filled. And I don't know that rainwater is in short supply there, though perhaps capturing capacity is.
Fluttershy had said that Marigold had been an ideal candidate for the spell. And hadn’t she been Twilight’s cousin? But… no. That wasn’t possible. I hadn’t been able to open the door in Tenpony. I’d failed the test.
Well, some extra evidence pointing that way.
I’m sorry that things didn’t work out with you and the space program. We’re still going to launch rockets to learn more about the moon, stars and Equestria… until they turn those into weapons too. I think you did a really brave thing keeping your baby.
. . .
Please take care of yourself and your baby. I’ll try and make her next birthday. Celestia knows, I feel like I need something to celebrate.
Love,
Twilight Sparkle.
PS: Did you know Cadance had another foal? Everypony’s having babies except me and my friends! I’m getting a little jealous!
And now I'm wondering, probably because I'm forgetting the answer that was already given: did Twilight have her memory of being pregnant removed in addition to her memories of her and Macintosh together?
Back in Tenpony, I’d craved normalcy and resented the transformation Glory had put me through. Now I was a twice-resurrected cyberpony with a goddess in my head. All I needed were wings, and I’d be a cyber zombie alicorn! Ministry Mare decendancy would be a step towards normal!
Ah, some foreshadowing there.
“Dealer,” I said softly as Boo flopped into a half-empty box.
It is a well known fact that boxes are one of cats' favorite places.
“I wish I had your confidence,” Marigold murmured softly as she looked back at the rocket. “Only one launch a month, if at all. This place was supposed to have ten times that. It was supposed to be a way towards a new future. Now it’s just a target for the zebras.”
Coming off of the conversation between Celestia and Luna including the bit about how Luna was supposed to lead the country to a brigher future, not a darker one, and given the connections the base has to her, this comes as something of a reminder of the rebuke, and something more direct than just the general assertion.
“Wonderful,” Marigold said lightly. “I’d be fine with that if we actually had a space program somewhere else. Anywhere!” Marigold said with an aggravated snort. “If it wasn’t for the O.I.A. sending up occasional missiles, they’d probably just let the zebra level this place.”
Why would the O.I.A. be sending up missiles? That seems more like something for the military directly. And was this to mean up to space, or at targets? If shooting at things, then that seems like a lot of trouble, given the cost/effect you get for long range conventionally-armed ballistic missiles. Of course, it's presumably just a cover for Horizons work, but it's not a very robust cover.
The pink mare was, like her friend, definitely showing signs of wear and tear. She threw her forelegs around Rainbow Dash and hugged. “Isn’t this just great! And soon we’re going to be meeting Rarity and Applejack and Spikey Wikey! It’s just like old times!”
At first I thought that was something only Rarity called him, but it seems Pinkie did call him that in "Owl's Well That Ends Well."
Then she snapped around and looked right at me. Her bright blue eyes flattened as she stared into Marigold’s. “Uh oh! Somepony’s been baaaaaad!” she said as her lips curled in a grin that spread wider and wider as she advanced. “Didn’t anypony teach you it’s naughty to spy on other ponies?”
The worst part is I could absolutely see Pinkie saying this in this situation.
She stopped at a T and looked left and right, glancing behind herself before darting down to the right. Pinkie Pie wasn’t running after her, though. She simply bounced along behind on her four hooves. She didn’t seem to cover all that much ground. But every time Marigold looked back, the grinning pink mare grew closer and closer.
I think the Pepe Le Pew reference is one of my favorite Pinkie gags, in isolation, but that's an unprincipled exception to my dislike of how she works in general.
I shook my head hard as the memory orb ended. I wondered if Pinkie had extracted the memory from Marigold, or if Marigold had gotten the memory out and somehow it’d gotten into the box down here.
I had wondered what the deal with that orb was, too, but I guess now we know.
“So... it all started with the first time I died...”
* * *
“And then she threw me across the room and into the wall. Now she’s not sure and I don’t know what to do and everything’s nuts,” I finished, sighing.
Thankfully, we did not get the clip-show version of events twice.
Even the alicorns have been pulling back closer to Maripony.”
Suddenly I felt the Goddess begin to press on the inside of my mind. I might not have been a real alicorn, but I had the connection to Unity, and she was trying to take over as hard as she could. I gritted my teeth and gulped, fighting the connection. To no avail. Against my will, I choked out the question, “Do you know if LittlePip is planning anything against the Goddess?” Each word spilled from my lips and I twitched and jerked as I fought against my own body to cut the connection. Push the button Blackjack! Just push... the... button...
Hm. Seems like the Goddess really did have a pretty stong grip on her even in Hoofington, though I suppose the fact it was low-Enervation Star House/Chapel played a role. This wasn't much short of full physical control, if indeed it didn't reach that point.
“How… Lacunae said you couldn’t control me because of the Enervation.”
The Goddess laughed softly, cruelly. It was infinitely more intimate and terrifying than the bold shouts and third person references. “Oh, this isn’t control. Not yet. This is just finding ways to push through the interference. I’ll chip off a little bit here and a little bit there till eventually, there won’t be much difference between you and a normal vessel.”
Okay. I guess I'll take it.
“Oh no, Blackjack. No killing yourself. No telling anypony either. Neither you nor that garbage bin you call a friend,” the Goddess hissed softly in her malice. “Nopony has ever insulted me the way you have. Nopony would dare. Well, now you’re mine. I’m going to tear off itty bitty little pieces of you till there’s nothing left but a shell. Then I’ll have that garbage bin bring you back for a real transformation to a proper shape. And I’ll make sure that all the Wasteland sees what I’m going to turn you into, so none ever dare to challenge me again.”
Yeah, this whole plot line is some pretty horrific stuff, and the pure malice of the Goddess just sells it.
“Blackjack?” Glory said softly behind me. I didn’t face her. I couldn’t. I just hung my head a little. The stuff I could speak about I couldn’t bring myself to say, and the stuff I needed to warn her about, I couldn’t speak. So I cried and moved the rag in slow little circles like I was determined to get that one tile spotless because it was better than anything else I could do.
“What are you doing, Blackjack?” she asked from beside me. I glanced at her bloodshot eyes; their lids were swollen from crying.
“Cleaning,” I said lamely as I looked away.
She reached down and stopped my hoof with her own. I saw then that I’d washed a perfectly round circle in the tile while missing the rest of the mess. “Let me help you,” she said simply, then tied her rag over her rainbow mane and starting to clean as well. We didn’t talk. I could barely breathe. Together, we straightened up every little thing there was to fix… except each other.
I wanted to talk, but I didn’t. I wanted to tell her what I’d just done, but I couldn’t. I wanted her to end me, but she wouldn’t. And so finally I struck a match from an old matchbox and lit the papers in the fireplace.
Then her hooves reached around me. For a moment I tensed, ready for another throw. But it didn’t come… part of me wished it would. I hung my head and said in a wet little filly’s voice, “I’m not going to run. I’m not. I’m not…”
That was as much as I could get out, but it was enough as she held me and I fell apart again in her embrace. “Shhh… I know… I know…” I might have gone through hell itself, but that didn’t mean I was beyond needing a simple, sincere hug.
I love this scene. However, isn't Blackjack's breathing mechanically regulated, like her heartbeat?
“I cannot perform the telepathic magic your plan requires. I am sorry. The Goddess refuses to grant me such abilities.” Out of spite, I guessed.
Shouldn't have been hard to see this coming. Most of her actions related to Blackjack are, after all, motivated by spite.
Rampage and Majina were in the house, where the little zebra talked a mile a minute. It seemed to be working; Rampage had gone from sulking and depressed to looking baffled as she tried to follow a tale involving a mouse, three Fancy Buck Cakes, and a carton of milk. While I knew the Angel was inside the small red striped filly, I hoped she couldn’t do anything severe to the zebra filly before we could separate them.
Eh, I'm not sure she really seems like the Angel's normal target. Also, anyone up for writing that story? :D
You could forget some critical thought processes, like respiration,” Lacunae said with clear concern.
I actually laughed at that. “Lacunae, I’ve got a talisman regulating my breathing now. Heck, you could blow my head off and my body would probably keep living for a few days afterward.
Yeah, that thing about having trouble breathing earlier stands out even more with this in the same chapter. Though the description is pretty similar to someone I knew who told me about his pacemaker—would probably only keep beating a few seconds after losing his head, though. The issue would be tissue damage from lack of oxygen, of course, not regulation.
We all stared at her for a long minute. “Sekashi… that’s a horrible story!” Glory blurted.
The zebra mare rubbed her chin. “Perhaps I should add more description of his cloak? Would that make it better?”
I feel like this might be a slightly modified port from real life.
“She comes here the first time telling us about her poor momma and how she died. How she’s just like us. So we tell her she can be a Crusader. So what does she come trotting up here with this time?” Charity clasped her hooves together and grinned with a leer. “Why, her daddy, of course!” Her eyes fluttered a few times, her eyes wet behind her lids.
That was then, this is now, etc. Also, it's not like Charity isn't pretty sure her father is alive, if exceedingly uncaring regarding most of his offspring.
Out came Duty and Sacrifice as I thought of who might be attacking us. Harbingers? Enclave? Raiders? I darted out into the rain and paused as my enemy came to light: gravity.
Ah, yes. One of Blackjack's most persistent foes.
“Just bad luck,” a colt muttered as they looked at the wrecked buildings. “What with the rain and all…”
“No! Not bad luck!” Scotch Tape cried as she stepped away from P-21.
Ah, Scotch seems to share some feelings with me: This was easily avoidable!
“I know this is your home. I want to do better too. I want this to be a better place to live. I want this to be a better world! But if you won’t listen to me, then there’s nothing I can do. I’m just like Blackjack.”
"Please, don't make me be like Blackjack!"
“I know you want to help Rampage, and I think you should, but right now you need a little more help,” she said as she stroked my spine. The contact and attention made me groan, but I also felt a little stab of guilt. I’d failed to save Medley. I didn’t deserve to--
“Yeouch!” I yelped as Glory whacked my backside hard. Being unaugmented, it was one of the places on me that could really sting! My cheeks flamed as I looked over my shoulder at her. “Glory! You hit me!”
“You were thinking about Medley, weren’t you?” Glory asked as she looked into my eyes.
Sure, it's partly because Blackjack is very predictable, but part of the reason it feels like this could work out is that Glory does generally seem to understand her pretty well. With the notably rare exception of sex, of course.
“Of course you have a choice. If you really need me to stop, just call me Rainbow Dash,” she said as she stroked my mane, making me murr at the contact.
I've kind of warmed up to the idea of this being their safe word over time, and see the thought behind it. That said, I do find it kind of funny that this pretty closely mirrors the event leading to Fluttershy's breakup with Goldenblood.
Glory flushed a little, but also smiled too as she twisted the leash around her hoof and drew out the slack.
You know, it just occurred to me that Blackjack would probably enjoy all three of the Royal Navy's traditions: rum, obviously; sodomy, probably, depending on the situation and possibly how you define "sodomy"; and the lash, well, see the scene just ended. Helps that she has the benefit of unusual durability and regenerative capacities, of course.
“You’re a grown mare. She’s a grown mare. You’re both safe and consenting. Beyond that, it’s none of my business. Don’t involve Scotch Tape, and I’ll be happy.”
Good attitude, P-21. Of course, "safe" is a relative thing, and what's safe for Blackjack likely wouldn't be for almost anyone else.
“She hasn’t tried to hurt Boo, has she?” I asked with a worried frown.
“No. Apparently three of her souls think she’s their daughter or something.
Twist and Shujaa, sure, but I'm not sure who the third would be. Cutting out the Angel, Doctor Octopus, and Razorwire for various reasons, I guess that mostly leaves Officer Softheart out of the personalities that have manifested. And at least she had a child.
“That’s not how science works, Blackjack,” Lacunae told me with an air of infinite patience.
Infinite patience seems like a good description for Lacunae. Also, I think that that line is just inherently funny, though a calmer delivery likely helps.
“It’s how the science of friendship works,” I said aloud in my frustration.
I think this might be a somewhat impressively oblique title drop of FiM, or at least of one of Twilight's catchprases since magic is a science in Equestria, and friendship is magic.
Glory sputtered and looked at P-21. “Are you seriously going to sit there and... and...”
“Why?” P-21 just blinked in confusion. “She has her implant.”
Glory then lit off into a tirade about sexual propriety and how Scotch should wait till she was married, and Scotch immediately asked what marriage even was.
Still no disease, and I'd have thought that would be the first thing she'd go with after the implant deal. Also, really? Wait for marriage in the Wasteland? How would you even get married? And what about Blackjack? Is Glory married to her? What about Dusk and Lightning Dancer, are they?
I gave P-21 an apologetic smile and abandoned him, slipping over to Rampage’s room.
Man this seems like a funny thing to watch.
“Rampage doesn’t really exist. If she doesn’t exist, then all the horrible things that happened to her don’t matter. It doesn’t matter if she killed somepony... or... or anypony...”
Well, it doesn't matter to her; I'm pretty sure some other people still care about the dead pony, at least potentially. There've been enough.
“Is it true?” Shujaa asked in a near whisper.
“It’s not true till they take my stripes,” the soldier said, looking at the zebra with the tiniest smile. “If something should happen out there...”
Eh, I think this might be a case of LUS going a bit overboard, made the more so by the fact that everyone in the vehicle is a soldier.
The sergeants were all making sure everypony could say ‘surrender’, ‘drop your weapon’, and ‘follow’ in zebra as I moved out with the grace and silence of a ghost.
That doesn't seem like something you want to leave until after touching down in potentially hostile territory; sure, the landing itself may have been loud enough to alert anyone that they were there so the noise wouldn't be an issue, but if you're focusing on this then you aren't paying attention to your surroundings.
Then she came across blasted robots in the muck. They weren’t like Protectaponies. These were sleek and black. They reminded me more of the cyberdogs I’d seen in the tunnels. First she came across one. Then three. Then a half dozen. Some were larger than others, resembling mechanical manticores. “What are hunter killers doing here?” she murmured in worry, and proceeded with more caution.
Interesting start to this part of the scene, but unfortunately I think that having her say this out loud, even murmured, in this sensitive situation is a bad enough tactical move that it's a little distracting as a way to get exposition out that may well have waited until later.
“Contact!” a mare screamed in the night, and then the air filled with the buzz of two machine guns sweeping across the assembled zebras. Had they not been tired and worn, I was sure they would have been able to get to safety. Exhausted and out in the open, they were torn down by the spray of fire as the mare screamed hysterically. “Contact! Enemy contact! Enemy ambush!”
The injuries that Shujaa had sustained slowed her a bit. Some more of the wild spray caught her, knocking her back. Twist, however, was able to run to the side and keep out on her field of fire. She slid in the mud and slammed into the snide mare from the skywagon. “You fucking idiot! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
The young earth pony slammed back. Had she been ten years younger, I was sure that Twist would have been able to take her. But with the mud, her hooves twisted out beneath her and she was sent sprawling.
“What am I doing?! Killing the fucking enemy! That’s what we fucking do! That’s the point of this whole fucking war. To kill them all!” the mare yelled at Twist. “Not fuck them like some sympathizing whore!”
This is probably one of the better examples of how the war's propaganda and changed society was affecting things on an individual level, since of course by all indications Applesnack was always a racist even before the war went into high gear.
- Chapter Fifty Overall Thoughts:
Blackjack and Glory's relationship has always been somewhat troubled. Even before it began, Glory was showing some jealousy where Blackjack was concerned, which came out primarily with respect to Caprice. Not entirely surprisingly, that was tied up with her sexual hangups as well. Going beyond that issue that's largely been in the background since, there's a fair deal of questionable emotional and mental baggage going on there, often for example with each using the fact they need to be strong for the other as one of the few pillars holding them up. The present situation sees that all amplified with other things thrown in—Blackjack's running off leaves Glory feeling worried and helpless, as she has to help P-21 and Scotch Tape get through their medical problems; she's feeling betrayed by Blackjack's non-sexual exclusivity, and shamed by the public broadcast of that; and on top of all of that, she's dealing with a new body that feels entirely alien to her in its athleticism and yearning to be used, not to mention the fear, justified or not, that she was starting to turn into Rainbow mentally or emotionally as well. Now, I think that one aspect of the Stygius affair is that it's the one part of what had happened, that Glory knew about at the time, that she could latch onto as something she could really blame Blackjack for: running off was probably the expedient thing to do in terms of getting them to Chapel safely, and not attracting a ton of Harbingers there, and on top of that there was Glory's fear that Blackjack resented her for bringing her back as a cyborg. I think that part of her reaction, just running away as soon as she got an object lesson on Stable 99's sexual mores from the three survivors as a means of getting her to stop beating the shit out of Blackjack, was at least in part losing the one thing that made this all Blackjack's fault—or anyway, maliciously so. This retreat leads to an uncomfortable, almost humbling moment in which Blackjack tries to approach a weeping Glory to at least salvage their friendship, but retreats, having been unable to say or do anything at all. This is followed by Blackjack playing Octavia, which draws Glory over, and Blackjack tries to play an apology. Next comes the sorting out, where Blackjack details what she's done and the mistakes she's made since leaving Glory, except for dying the second time—presumably to spare Glory's feelings, but at any rate this was something I found strange as it looks to me like the opposite of the point of what they were doing at the time—and the Goddess's new connection to her—because she can't due the the Goddess's inhibition. This all goes about as you'd expect, but with the highlight of a greater deal of understanding of each for the other's body changes. One difficult part there is that Glory's concern that Blackjack hated her for bringing her back was at least somewhat validated. This segment ends with a noncommittal separation, with Glory not knowing where to go from there but Blackjack saying she's going to stay put until various things are fixed. There's then a break during which some other things happen, principally Blackjack's ordeal with the Goddess, which leaves her violated, broken, and alone, cleaning the kitchen in a daze. Glory offers to help, and this leads into one of the sweetest sections of the chapter in which each simply clean up the house before Blackjack quietly, desperately says she won't run again and Glory comforts her. Glory expresses admiration and frustration regarding Blackjack and how she deals with helping people, and then this breaks again to let other parts of the chapter happen, picking up during the action climax of the chapter, wherein a storm results in flooding of the drainage ditch/open sewer following the collapse of one of the ramshackle buildings of Chapel, which traps Medley below the water. Blackjack nearly drowns herself trying to rescue Medley and kicks Glory as she tried to pull Blackjack out. This precipitates the big moment of decision in the Glory/Blackjack relationship for the chapter: Glory can stay with Blackjack, but she can't be anything more than a friend as long as she's worried Blackjack will go off and get herself killed because she doesn't value her own life. The solution is starting a Dom/sub BDSM relationship where only Glory ever gets to punish Blackjack—so that Blackjack comes to her when she's guilty rather than bottling it up until she breaks down in a crisis of self-worth and does something stupid—and Glory gets to reign in Blackjack if she ever thinks that she's not merely trying to help, but looking for self-destruction. And it seems to be off to an okay start, at least.
The Goddess's storyline continues as well in this chapter, as she uses Blackjack to get information on what Littlepip is likely trying to do to kill her. Mostly this serves as a way of establishing the stakes in this plot line: Blackjack can't say what's happening; she can already be forced to say and do things she doesn't want to, at least in a limited capacity; the Goddess can sort through and remove her memories; she means to destroy Blackjack bit by bit leaving her nothing but a husk before converting her fully; and she's aware of and potentially has plans for the Gardens. What I thought made this a little more than man of the Goddess segments was the degree of vile, overpowering hatred the Goddess had for Blackjack, and her desire to unmake Blackjack for having humiliated her more than anyone else, but more, to torture her along the way by leaving her to see it happening but being powerless to stop the process or ask for help. This wasn't a Goddess there for overwrought fun or to serve the needs of the plot; she meant business and established herself as a key threat for the coming chapters, if one that's not normally in the foreground.
Rampage's part starts with a more determined suicide attempt than normal, seeking the Core's "Mercy." She's disintegrated and comes back as a filly before Blackjack can magic her off the bridge. With Rampage upset over thinking she's not even a pony, Blackjack decides to start trying to find memories that indicate she is one independent of the souls in the phoenix talisman. Lacunae can't help because the Goddess is being petty and spiteful and asserting her dominance. So Blackjack will have to do it like the brain dive for Lacunae back at the Collegiate. Rampage resists anything at first, trying to reject any personhood at all, essentially wanting to become nothing but a tool to fight on Blackjack's behalf. This in a way reflects some of what Blackjack herself has gone through, particularly in her fears of her Reaper aspect. Blackjack easily parries with the point that even if there wasn't always a Rampage, Rampage certainly does exist—Arloste had a child with Priest, Rampage has been one of Blackjack's best friends and always, always helped her when she needed it—and anyway if she doesn't exist then what does she care if Blackjack does some probing? In the end she agrees to let Blackjack try, but is very worried by the prospect of potentially being left a cripple or mentally damaged, much preferring death. The result is the memory of the lead-up to Shujaa's death at the hooves of some new, remarkably racist Equestrian soldier during the attempted extraction of the First Legion and related discovery of the Brood of Coyotl. Shujaa cuts the talisman from her own chest to implant it in Twist, who had sustained otherwise mortal wound. Earlier in the same memory, we hear a bit about Twist and Shujaa's "pet" or "feral beast," which they treat like a person, with Twist saying she doesn't like to say goodbye to it because it makes her feel like she won't be coming home, and later regretting not doing so, since it appeared she wouldn't be.
Scotch Tape is growing a bit, seeking to help Chapel by making suggestions for its rebuilding. She is, however, stymied by rejection from the others there; she's no longer seen as one of them, a Crusader, since she now has a living parent in P-21. She's vindicated, not that she'd want it that way, when the building collapse and flood lead to the death of Medley; upon calling out the Crusaders on this preventable death and saying that there's a right way and a wrong way to do things, culminating with the appeal that she's just trying to help but as long as they don't let her she's no different than Blackjack—at that point crying on the ground with everyone in the town watching her, bemoaning her inability to keep a little filly from dying—they ask her to tell them what they can do and she begins directing the cleanup until taken away due to her continuing infirmity from the chlorine poisoning and postoperative infection.
Going beyond this, there's some indication that Twilight is likely Blackjack's ancestor after all, as she was Marigold's cousin, the success rate of the surrogacy spell is closely linked to how closely related the surrogate is to the recipient, and Marigold was an ideal candidate. There's some expansion on the Equestrian space program, and we find out that Spike seemed surprised to learn he helped Blackjack out at Goldenblood's cottage, and indeed wanted to know about any other times he may have contacted her lately. Caprice is now in Chapel, having been kicked out of Flank (most people from Flank left at the same time) and given a load of debt by Charity as a reason for her to stick around until she's in a better place. P-21 and Scotch are working out how they're supposed to relate as father and daughter. And our cliffhanger is the arrival of one Dawn, looking for her daughter, Morning Glory.
Oh, and by all appearances Somber could probably write some pretty good clop, covering both some substantive story/character interaction to make it matter and the intimate mechanics to exploit them. Of course, he's said things here that imply he has written some, just never published, at least under his main pen name. Could have just been a joke though. We may never know. (P.S. The truth is out there, unless it isn't. P.P.S. I am not a crank.)
- Chapter Fifty Editing:
three spaces after period
I just tore them to pieces.” I opened my mouth
only one space after quotation
Things were quite a mess; I’d guessed Glory had tried to clean up some while caring for P-21 and Scotch, but it still looked like a hurricane had blown through.
should this be "I guessed Glory"? If this is when she was first taking it in and thinking about it, when had she previously thought that?
“I don’t get why its such a big deal,”
"it's"
the legal rights remain-
second hyphen for dash
too obscured for me to read. I frowned as I
only one space after period
of them being ‘sanitized.’ I don’t
This is in context, but: period to outside of quotation marks?
We’re still going to launch rockets to learn more about the moon, stars and Equestria…
This is in context, but: final serial comma after "stars"?
I looked at the signature; precise and elegant with swooping cursive letters.
semicolon to colon?
with a goddess in my head. All I needed were wings, and I’d be a cyber zombie alicorn!
only one space after period
“If it wasn’t for the O.I.A. sending up occasional missiles, they’d probably just let the zebra level this place.”
"wasn't" to "weren't," "zebras"? Then again, it is dialogue.
and Goldenblood’s scheduling, I never get a-“ Rainbow Dash
second hyphen for dash
almost possessed look. “It’s the only explanation
only one space after period
“And I don’t care what Twilight says-“ Pinkie Pie blinked and then blurted
second hyphen for dash
way to ‘disgrace’ her. He loves using people
only one space after period
The Pegasus put her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders to placate her.
"Pegusus" shouldn't be capitalized
“Wheeeeere’s Pinkie Pie?” The voice sounded out again, now growing more distant.
Should "The" not be capitalized, and follow the quotation with only one space?
being a spy and traitor. Twilight went all the way
“I don’t think so. I know Goldenblood
only one space after period
One of his ‘back channels.’ I have no idea
period to outside of quotation marks
A little treasure just laying there to be seen.
"lying," but then this is dialogue
All I could do was think and wait for the goddess to turn her attention elsewhere.
"Goddess"
towards the stairs. I’d fought giant monster
only one space after period
The stuff I could speak about I couldn’t bring myself to say, and the stuff I needed to warn her about, I couldn’t speak.
should the commas match in the two halves?
"The stuff I could speak about, I couldn’t bring myself to say, and the stuff I needed to warn her about, I couldn’t speak."?
trademark drizzle. We trotted through
only one space after period
Slowly we approached Rampage, the striped earth pony standing as still as a blank.
comma after "slowly"?
“Yeah.” I said as I joined her at the rail
period should be comma, there should be only one space after quotation
I’m pretty sure now the answer is really ‘none of the above!’
exclamation point to outside of quotation marks
Or if any of them are me.”
“And I just want it to stop!” she yelled as she tore away and ran
first paragraph shouldn't end with closing quotation mark
Glory lay atop me in the rain, panting as downpour washed away the muddy gray ashes.
Should it be "the downpour"?
“Stop!” I shouted as she reformed a third time,
went into your mind to find you?” I asked as I pointed a hoof at
should have only one space after quotation
I know a story about a funny zebra back in the homelands. A good male; wealthy and powerful and generous
period to colon, semicolon to comma?
It’s the Goddess’.
"Goddess's"
“Caprice?” I gaped at her.
should have second space after quotation
The once-leader of the Flank looked as if she were recovering from quite a beating.
I was thrown out of the Flank.
Shouldn't that just be "Flank"?
“Most of the Flank went to go work for the Society.
Not sure here: would it still just be "Flank," since it's the ponies of Flank?
“Yes boss!” Caprice said, scurrying back into the cramped and overstocked work space.
comma after "Yes"?
“Duh! That’s what makes it funny,”
should have second space after exclamation point
ponderous crash into the ditch; bearing the chartreuse Medley with it.
semicolon to comma
would be alive right now!” Scotch Tape said as she pointed
really supposed to help?” I asked, flushing a little
should have only one space after quotation
Glory clicked the lock closed on the collar around my neck with a definite note of finality.
Suggest rewording: Glory clicked the lock on the collar around my neck closed with a definite note of finality.
I needed her like I needed air. “But where the heck
only one space after period
did you even find a collar like this?” I asked with a little squirm
should have only one space after quotation
as she twisted the leash around her hoof
extra space in "the leash"
“Well let me tell you something, miss pony who says she doesn’t exist.
comma after "Well"?
mare... very fit and healthy... earth p- no... this body was like an earth pony’s,
second hyphen for dash?
unicorns and pegasi. “Sergeant,” a few said
only one space after period
If they’re willing the throw in the towel in now,
redundant "in"
Dearest Luna, soft and strong!” He called out.
"He" shouldn't be capitalized
She’s the sergeant’s very special somepon...er...zebra,”
spaces after ellipses, or at least the second one?
but the soldier mare who been talking before did so with a poorly concealed sneer.
"who had been"/"who'd been"
“Now you see,” a voice said from the darkness in heavily accented Pony.
You've used "Equestrian" as the language a few times, but I think this is the only case of "Pony" (though there is also Principles of Proper Pony Speech, which could be either the species or the language, I suppose)
From a distant tribe, we were told. ‘The Children of Cóyotl.’ They did not
second period to outside of quotation marks, only one space after second period
Shujaa gasped something in zebra. Twist echoed
"zebra" should be capitalized
I know the Ministry of Awesome is going to want to hear about-”
second hyphen for dash
“No!” Shujaa cried, saying something in zebra before grabbing the knife from her sheath.
"zebra" should be capitalized
There’s no way the first legion would defect,” Shujaa replied evenly.
If the first legion is out here, you’re our best chance to find them.
These aren’t first legion.
This is all that remains of the first legion.
Should "first legion" be capitalized?
- Other Editing:
I was glad she got to play somewhere again before she returned to the Flank to die.
Shouldn't that just be "Flank"?
58:
The rocks kept me from being swept away immediately, but they didn’t stop every medical signal on my Pipbuck from flashing red as I was hit with more force than I’d ever imagined.
I would have lingered, but the ash was making my Pipbuck tick.
"PipBuck"
62.1:
“I served under one of the finest officers in the Equestrian army.
"Equestrian Army", I think
Hm. No, the language is called "Pony"; I remember it being used elsewhere. So, um… Sorry to ask this, but, while it isn't that long or arduous a task, I'm hungry and am already behind schedule tonight. Would you please add the instances of the language being incorrectly named?Icy Shake wrote:You've used "Equestrian" as the language a few times, but I think this is the only case of "Pony" (though there is also Principles of Proper Pony Speech, which could be either the species or the language, I suppose)
Also, it looks like at least one instance of "Pony" wasn't capitalized, but I'm not going to ask you to look at every instance of "pony" in this story to see if it's the name of a language. It's not that big a problem. :)
Yes.Icy Shake wrote:And now I'm wondering, probably because I'm forgetting the answer that was already given: did Twilight have her memory of being pregnant removed in addition to her memories of her and Macintosh together?
:DIcy Shake wrote:It is a well known fact that boxes are one of cats' favorite places.
Yeah. She was comic relief… and then she very definitely wasn't.Icy Shake wrote:Yeah, this whole plot line is some pretty horrific stuff, and the pure malice of the Goddess just sells it.
Eh, it's flowery language.Icy Shake wrote:However, isn't Blackjack's breathing mechanically regulated, like her heartbeat?
:DIcy Shake wrote:Oh, and by all appearances Somber could probably write some pretty good clop, covering both some substantive story/character interaction to make it matter and the intimate mechanics to exploit them. Of course, he's said things here that imply he has written some, just never published, at least under his main pen name. Could have just been a joke though. We may never know. (P.S. The truth is out there, unless it isn't. P.P.S. I am not a crank.)
O. Hinds- Zebra Engineer
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:19 pm
Heh...Wandering Moon is an interesting take on the whole Pony-in-Fallout scenario
Reads a lot better than most FoE fics too (no offense)
I have a very short attention span, so if there isn't violence every ten pages, I tend to get bored, but I push through anyway because the story is that gripping
I'm sure MNS and PH will both wrap up beautifully
If we get another Fallout Equestria ending, I am going to hurt something
Reads a lot better than most FoE fics too (no offense)
I have a very short attention span, so if there isn't violence every ten pages, I tend to get bored, but I push through anyway because the story is that gripping
I'm sure MNS and PH will both wrap up beautifully
If we get another Fallout Equestria ending, I am going to hurt something
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:34 pm
I don't think that you've much cause to worry, but what exactly do you mean?Vinylshadow wrote:If we get another Fallout Equestria ending, I am going to hurt something
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:12 pm
It's hard to explain and I'm bad with words
Just seemed like it ended rather abruptly
Although I can see that becoming a demi weather god could have that effect on people
Just seemed like it ended rather abruptly
Although I can see that becoming a demi weather god could have that effect on people
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:24 pm
O. Hinds wrote::DIcy Shake wrote:Oh, and by all appearances Somber could probably write some pretty good clop, covering both some substantive story/character interaction to make it matter and the intimate mechanics to exploit them. Of course, he's said things here that imply he has written some, just never published, at least under his main pen name. Could have just been a joke though. We may never know. (P.S. The truth is out there, unless it isn't. P.P.S. I am not a crank.)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:36 pm
So that fourway between Homage, Pip, Glory and Blackjack DOES exist!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:51 pm
It did feel like it ended a bit...sloppily? That's not really the word...but there were a lot of loose ends and little details that I expected a resolution for. Needless to say I never got them...O. Hinds wrote:I don't think that you've much cause to worry, but what exactly do you mean?Vinylshadow wrote:If we get another Fallout Equestria ending, I am going to hurt something
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jul 07, 2014 1:59 pm
Nah, Kkat left that to other authors
We might not Have Heroes or Starlight if it ended conclusively
We might not Have Heroes or Starlight if it ended conclusively
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:23 pm
I don't think that would have stopped them.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:11 pm
Fair enough, since we've got stories that take place alongside FoE
MNS, PH being two I can name off comfortably
They work well as both tie-ins and standalones, which I like
Part of me would love to see a story take place 200 years ago, instead of memories 200 years later
MNS, PH being two I can name off comfortably
They work well as both tie-ins and standalones, which I like
Part of me would love to see a story take place 200 years ago, instead of memories 200 years later
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Mon Jul 07, 2014 6:23 pm
I'm surprised no one has attempted some sort of during-war side story where someone from the wasteland gets their hooves on the Canterlot time travel spells and attempts to avert the future.Vinylshadow wrote:Fair enough, since we've got stories that take place alongside FoE
MNS, PH being two I can name off comfortably
They work well as both tie-ins and standalones, which I like
Part of me would love to see a story take place 200 years ago, instead of memories 200 years later
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:39 pm
If you want to make it easier on yourself, it could just be that "Pony" is the language and "Equestrian" is a dialect (or vice versa).O. Hinds wrote:Hm. No, the language is called "Pony"; I remember it being used elsewhere. So, um… Sorry to ask this, but, while it isn't that long or arduous a task, I'm hungry and am already behind schedule tonight. Would you please add the instances of the language being incorrectly named?Icy Shake wrote:You've used "Equestrian" as the language a few times, but I think this is the only case of "Pony" (though there is also Principles of Proper Pony Speech, which could be either the species or the language, I suppose)
Also, it looks like at least one instance of "Pony" wasn't capitalized, but I'm not going to ask you to look at every instance of "pony" in this story to see if it's the name of a language. It's not that big a problem. :)
If you want to get linguistic, you could get a lot out of the relationship between Pony/Equestrian (which is basically English) and Zebra Imperial (which is Latin-ish with interesting tribal flavorings). Since English (and by extension, Pony/Equestrian) has a large amount of assimilated Latin loanwords and roots, this could indicate a past shared culture/connection relatively early in their development, such as a progenitor hoofed species from which both are descended.
Or Latin just sounds cool.
EvilgidgitI'm surprised no one has attempted some sort of during-war side story where someone from the wasteland gets their hooves on the Canterlot time travel spells and attempts to avert the future.Vinylshadow wrote:Fair enough, since we've got stories that take place alongside FoE
MNS, PH being two I can name off comfortably
They work well as both tie-ins and standalones, which I like
Part of me would love to see a story take place 200 years ago, instead of memories 200 years later
I've got a weird headcanon which basically states that the reason that Twilicorn doesn't exist in FoE is because zebra time commandos edited the timeline to ensure that their greatest enemy never existed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Dekshuduph Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:49 pm
Having recently re-read FoE I must agree here. However it's not really that bad in my opinion since it leaves a lot to be desired, and I think that's helped to sprout the popularity of its recursive fics.Silver136 wrote:It did feel like it ended a bit...sloppily? That's not really the word...but there were a lot of loose ends and little details that I expected a resolution for. Needless to say I never got them...
Actually, I had that idea a while ago but there were a list of reasons (both in-universe and narratively) why it wouldn't work. One of the biggest ones I thought of was that there would have to be some way of dealing with Pinkie Pie because she would be the first to know about a time-traveller, and would probably have them arrested.Evilgidgit wrote:I'm surprised no one has attempted some sort of during-war side story where someone from the wasteland gets their hooves on the Canterlot time travel spells and attempts to avert the future.
...Actually, this brings another idea to mind. A story following a ghoul's travels through the wasteland, having flashbacks to the past during each place they visit. This would actually work really well with Rainbow Dash, I think, tieing in with this story.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:02 pm
The closest thing I can think of is this, which is by an author who, in my opinion, still has a surprisingly small number of readers.Evilgidgit wrote:I'm surprised no one has attempted some sort of during-war side story where someone from the wasteland gets their hooves on the Canterlot time travel spells and attempts to avert the future.
Hm, possibly.Scienza wrote:If you want to make it easier on yourself, it could just be that "Pony" is the language and "Equestrian" is a dialect (or vice versa).
Interesting idea. Applying it to my headcanon (I'm not sure if I can apply it to PH's linguistic histories), it would make sense. Pony would be a Roaman-Zebra-influenced descendant of the ancestral pony language of the ponies; the Crystal Empire's language would probably be in the same family. And might have a better claim for the name "Pony", really, but they're too isolationist to care much. Besides, there are plenty of Americans speaking "English" who'd be some degree of unintelligible to someone actually from England.Scienza wrote:If you want to get linguistic, you could get a lot out of the relationship between Pony/Equestrian (which is basically English) and Zebra Imperial (which is Latin-ish with interesting tribal flavorings). Since English (and by extension, Pony/Equestrian) has a large amount of assimilated Latin loanwords and roots, this could indicate a past shared culture/connection relatively early in their development, such as a progenitor hoofed species from which both are descended.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:29 pm
Sure. And yeah, without being able to sort by case "pony" would be a little too arduous for me at the moment.O. Hinds wrote:Hm. No, the language is called "Pony"; I remember it being used elsewhere. So, um… Sorry to ask this, but, while it isn't that long or arduous a task, I'm hungry and am already behind schedule tonight. Would you please add the instances of the language being incorrectly named?Icy Shake wrote:You've used "Equestrian" as the language a few times, but I think this is the only case of "Pony" (though there is also Principles of Proper Pony Speech, which could be either the species or the language, I suppose)
Also, it looks like at least one instance of "Pony" wasn't capitalized, but I'm not going to ask you to look at every instance of "pony" in this story to see if it's the name of a language. It's not that big a problem. :)
42:
There were large signs in zebra-writing mounted next to Equestrian translations.
63:
Still, Lancer showed remarkable restraint when the tip of a spear touched the hollow beneath his ear and a voice said, in soft, accented Equestrian, “I could kill you now, traitor. I should kill you now.”
Thank you.O. Hinds wrote:Yes.Icy Shake wrote:And now I'm wondering, probably because I'm forgetting the answer that was already given: did Twilight have her memory of being pregnant removed in addition to her memories of her and Macintosh together?
And I kind of get that, but at the same time she pretty regularly thinks things about wishing her heart would race or her breathing catch.O. Hinds wrote:Eh, it's flowery language.Icy Shake wrote:However, isn't Blackjack's breathing mechanically regulated, like her heartbeat?
I guess it's possible, but as far as I remember he's never even joked about writing that in particular.Vinylshadow wrote:So that fourway between Homage, Pip, Glory and Blackjack DOES exist!
Alternatively, have you ever tried to decypher someone with a thick Edinburgh accent? That can be a trick for someone not used to it.O. Hinds wrote:Interesting idea. Applying it to my headcanon (I'm not sure if I can apply it to PH's linguistic histories), it would make sense. Pony would be a Roaman-Zebra-influenced descendant of the ancestral pony language of the ponies; the Crystal Empire's language would probably be in the same family. And might have a better claim for the name "Pony", really, but they're too isolationist to care much. Besides, there are plenty of Americans speaking "English" who'd be some degree of unintelligible to someone actually from England.Scienza wrote:If you want to get linguistic, you could get a lot out of the relationship between Pony/Equestrian (which is basically English) and Zebra Imperial (which is Latin-ish with interesting tribal flavorings). Since English (and by extension, Pony/Equestrian) has a large amount of assimilated Latin loanwords and roots, this could indicate a past shared culture/connection relatively early in their development, such as a progenitor hoofed species from which both are descended.
Regarding the end of FoE, I had a couple of issues. The first is that it ends in a confusing anticlimax, much of which was not really necessary to finishing the story: for instance, Filly and Manehattan. The second is I would have liked it more open-ended, without the ten-years-later part, since it didn't seem to add much and kind of cheapened Littlepip's decision to take the place in the SPP.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:02 pm
Thanks!Icy Shake wrote:Sure. And yeah, without being able to sort by case "pony" would be a little too arduous for me at the moment.
And if those were the only two mentions, then it looks like we were at least evenly split between "Pony" and "Equestrian", not counting the book title. I do rather like the title having that meaning, though.
Hm, yes, I can see that, but her respiratory system, unlike her heart, still isn't uniflow. It's probably a bit more variable. The lungs, unlike the heart, are also partially under conscious control, and they have to remain so for speech. Given that the bit in question is right after "We didn't talk", I think that an argument can be made for the interpretation of it as meaning that her respiration was running at the minimum unconscious level.Icy Shake wrote:And I kind of get that, but at the same time she pretty regularly thinks things about wishing her heart would race or her breathing catch.
Or that. :)Icy Shake wrote:Alternatively, have you ever tried to decypher someone with a thick Edinburgh accent? That can be a trick for someone not used to it.
As I recall, that's one of the things Harmony, I, and Meleagridis (where did they get to, by the way?) are mostly ignoring for our collaborative worldbuilding, aye.Icy Shake wrote:The second is I would have liked it more open-ended, without the ten-years-later part, since it didn't seem to add much and kind of cheapened Littlepip's decision to take the place in the SPP.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Tue Jul 08, 2014 8:34 pm
But... but why would time commandos (awesome!) go back to stop Princess Twilight's reign of peace and harmony? If anything, the show's timeline is the result of zebra time commandos from the FoE continuity.Scienza wrote:I've got a weird headcanon which basically states that the reason that Twilicorn doesn't exist in FoE is because zebra time commandos edited the timeline to ensure that their greatest enemy never existed.
Or FoE is just another mirror world, like Equestria Girls and the Reflections universe.
Well, it's still ostensibly the same language. Even if pronunciation has drifted, they should be obviously the same when written down.O. Hinds wrote:Besides, there are plenty of Americans speaking "English" who'd be some degree of unintelligible to someone actually from England.
Ehhh... it's hard to cheapen the whole SPP situation, because it doesn't make any sense in the first place. They have a reliable, if unpleasant, means of travel in and out of the SPP; hooking into the SPP doesn't require any implanted electrodes or similar hardware that would preclude leaving it afterwards (and it wouldn't make sense for Dash to have commissioned a device that did); Pip isn't unique in her ability to use it, nor does she have any particular qualifications that make her the only reasonable candidate at this time. Her only objection is against leaving Celestia alone again, but if she can step out long enough to have a birthday party every year, there's no reason someone else couldn't climb back in. In short, her only reason not to make this a community effort is, "Um, just because."Icy Shake wrote:The second is I would have liked it more open-ended, without the ten-years-later part, since it didn't seem to add much and kind of cheapened Littlepip's decision to take the place in the SPP.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:29 pm
SilentCarto wrote:But... but why would time commandos (awesome!) go back to stop Princess Twilight's reign of peace and harmony? If anything, the show's timeline is the result of zebra time commandos from the FoE continuity.Scienza wrote:I've got a weird headcanon which basically states that the reason that Twilicorn doesn't exist in FoE is because zebra time commandos edited the timeline to ensure that their greatest enemy never existed.
Or FoE is just another mirror world, like Equestria Girls and the Reflections universe.
Okay, so this might be a bit of a stretch, but hey, it's still AU. Basically, imagine that the world is show-canon but that the same underlying issues that lead to FoE are still present. Imagine that you're a zebra military strategist. The enemy you face is unimaginably terrible, an alicorn who melds the magical capabilities of a god with an analytically scientific mind and a desire to push the study of magic to its very limits. The battlefields are straight from a nightmare, your last remaining troops being steadily pushed all the way back to Roam by wave after wave of alicorns and adorable eldritch abominations. You're two moves away from checkmate and the only way to win is to change the rules of the game. So what you do is alter the past to ensure that your greatest enemy never existed, that she remained a fragile unicorn, hobbled by her own insecurities and incapable of becoming the great Enemy.
This also explains why the time spell, which would be oh, so useful in FoE, doesn't exist. As part of their victory in the Time Cold War, the zebras ensured that Twilight never learned it.
As for why the world dies in balefire, the answer is simply that much like in the timeline they created, the Terminator zebras were ultimately short-sighted. Their only concern was eliminating Twilight as a threat, ignoring the ultimate consequences of such an action. Twilight never becomes a princess, Equestria remains divided where it really counts, and everything goes to hell.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:31 pm
So if I'm understanding you correctly, on that issue I don't just have a problem with the handling of the afterward, but also things established in the epilogue and the last regular chapter. That's fine too. I thought that most of that, except the lack of electrodes and Littlepip not being uniquely able to use the thing were only done then, and until that point it wasn't clear that they had a way out, but I'll readily accept I was mistaken.SilentCarto wrote:Ehhh... it's hard to cheapen the whole SPP situation, because it doesn't make any sense in the first place. They have a reliable, if unpleasant, means of travel in and out of the SPP; hooking into the SPP doesn't require any implanted electrodes or similar hardware that would preclude leaving it afterwards (and it wouldn't make sense for Dash to have commissioned a device that did); Pip isn't unique in her ability to use it, nor does she have any particular qualifications that make her the only reasonable candidate at this time. Her only objection is against leaving Celestia alone again, but if she can step out long enough to have a birthday party every year, there's no reason someone else couldn't climb back in. In short, her only reason not to make this a community effort is, "Um, just because."Icy Shake wrote:The second is I would have liked it more open-ended, without the ten-years-later part, since it didn't seem to add much and kind of cheapened Littlepip's decision to take the place in the SPP.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:51 pm
Personally, my main issue with the ending is the Enclave and how they're handled. What we had initially was the awesomely morally complex interplay between Littlepip, Red Eye, and the Goddess, three characters who arguably want what is ultimately right for the wasteland and who each represent an interesting reflection or mutation of the other two. Together, the three characters play with what exactly it means to be a hero and the meaning of good and evil in a morally ambiguous world.
And then we get the Enclave, who still carry all that I disliked from their human counterparts in Fallout 3 (namely that they come out of nowhere and the entirety of their philosophy can be summed up with "RAH RAH WE ARE EVIL! LET'S GO SHOOT YOUR DAD"). While they do make for some epic setpieces (I'll admit, I squeed when the Steel Ranger and the Applejack's Ranger had their last stand), it sucks all the delicious complexity out of the conflict and just makes it a very black-and-white "Us against Evil Sky Nazis".
And then we get the Enclave, who still carry all that I disliked from their human counterparts in Fallout 3 (namely that they come out of nowhere and the entirety of their philosophy can be summed up with "RAH RAH WE ARE EVIL! LET'S GO SHOOT YOUR DAD"). While they do make for some epic setpieces (I'll admit, I squeed when the Steel Ranger and the Applejack's Ranger had their last stand), it sucks all the delicious complexity out of the conflict and just makes it a very black-and-white "Us against Evil Sky Nazis".
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