Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CamoBadger Mon Dec 23, 2013 5:18 pm
I agree with all of this.Derpmind wrote:
You ever wonder what would happen after a thermonuclear war? What if we add some super-mutagen? Maybe an elder thing from beyond the black between the stars?
Mutilating a person is horrible. Mutilating a fictional character, not so much. With a fictional character, when something bad happens often the default response is no response. Think of the hero of a generic action movie mowing down dozens of 'bad guys'. Do you honestly care at all about the bad guys being shot, de-limbed and exploded most of the time? You have to build sympathy for that character first, build up that believability because characters aren't real and we know it. You're treating our academi-ish discussion like we're considering hurting a real person. We aren't. Luna isn't real, and she's not going to feel pain or anything else from loosing an already-imaginary wing or horn until we make her real.
Except that Luna didn't lose a wing or her horn, because in the original fic, Nightseer was wearing her skull and bones as an outfit. Her wings were mentioned specifically, and there was no mention of a missing horn.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kippershy Mon Dec 23, 2013 5:32 pm
Derpmind wrote:Kippershy wrote:Why? Why is this even a question? Why is this something you think up? I'm not going to call you names, but I want to understand, why do you think of these things? What draws your mind to it and what makes all this mutilation so fascinating to you, Somber?Somber wrote:What if Luna lost her wings in a terrorist attack? Or her horn?
You start with mutilating Blackjack all the time, which is okay and all, but then it gets to the point where she becomes rape Jesus and such and it's a little weird in retrospect.
You tear off one of Glory's wings not all too long before that particular act.
Then you fuck around and say that Littlepip should've been raped over on the TVtropes forums, claiming it would've done her character good (somehow)...
...And now, well, I won't say you're planning on adding this to the story and I'm not trying to imply that, but you're thinking about the very act.
You hate Luna, don't you? You always treat Luna like shit, but this? ...This is worrying. What is it that draws you to (the thoughts of) such acts all the time?
In before:
>you refuse to even acknowledge me
>someone takes offense on your behalf
>you take offense at me asking
>you message me with yet more reveals to try answer me
...Well, no. Scratch that last one. I don't think you'd repeat that little maneuver.
You ever wonder what would happen after a thermonuclear war? What if we add some super-mutagen? Maybe an elder thing from beyond the black between the stars?
Mutilating a person is horrible. Mutilating a fictional character, not so much. With a fictional character, when something bad happens often the default response is no response. Think of the hero of a generic action movie mowing down dozens of 'bad guys'. Do you honestly care at all about the bad guys being shot, de-limbed and exploded most of the time? You have to build sympathy for that character first, build up that believability because characters aren't real and we know it. You're treating our academi-ish discussion like we're considering hurting a real person. We aren't. Luna isn't real, and she's not going to feel pain or anything else from loosing an already-imaginary wing or horn until we make her real.
I understand where you're coming from, but you miss my focus. My focus is on why is it these types of mutilations that Somber loves oh so much?
It's not normal. I understand he's writing in a post apocalyptic setting and fair play that there's going to be some real grimy moments, but Somber seems almost fixated on having traumatising mutilation always be involved and it's worrying, to be honest.
It's as if he simply can't go without thinking of ways to be brutal to others, even if they are fictional characters.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Mon Dec 23, 2013 5:47 pm
Kippershy wrote:I understand where you're coming from, but you miss my focus. My focus is on why is it these types of mutilations that Somber loves oh so much?
It's not normal. I understand he's writing in a post apocalyptic setting and fair play that there's going to be some real grimy moments, but Somber seems almost fixated on having traumatising mutilation always be involved and it's worrying, to be honest.
It's as if he simply can't go without thinking of ways to be brutal to others, even if they are fictional characters.
These types of mutilations? What kind of mutilation isn't traumatizing? Injuries range between scratches and death, and with the very frequent occurrence of injuries in these types of stories a few that qualify as terrifically horrid are going to happen. Really, what's more worrying is that you keep on expressing concern for Somber's mental health when what you're really doing is making a mountain out of a molehill.
It's as if you simply can't go without criticizing stories without implying that the author's insane.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kippershy Mon Dec 23, 2013 5:55 pm
- Spoiler:
- Guess we ought to disregard the fact that Somber hasn't (or hadn't, recently) had his medication for a while because of the price...?
Coming up out of the blue and asking what if Luna had her horn* or wings blown apart by a terrorist act?
edit: just realised I wrote own rather than horn. My bad.
Last edited by Kippershy on Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:11 pm
@Derpmind: I KNEW IT!
Ch.25: "Then he lifted Marmlade's PipBuck with a little half smile."
Missing an 'a' in Marm's name there iirc.
Ch.25: "Then he lifted Marmlade's PipBuck with a little half smile."
Missing an 'a' in Marm's name there iirc.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:20 pm
Ah, thank you.Vergil wrote:@Derpmind: I KNEW IT!
Ch.25: "Then he lifted Marmlade's PipBuck with a little half smile."
Missing an 'a' in Marm's name there iirc.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by StoneSlinger88 Mon Dec 23, 2013 6:52 pm
Kippershy wrote:It's not so much the fact its used at all as it is the amount of it.
- Spoiler:
Coming up out of the blue and asking what if Luna had her horn* or wings blown apart by a terrorist act?
edit: just realised I wrote own rather than horn. My bad.
Considering all the stuff we come up with, it must've rubbed off on Somber.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Dec 23, 2013 7:29 pm
Kippershy wrote:
- Spoiler:
While I think this is an overreaction. There was a time Somber didn't go to the hospital because he simply couldn't afford it and it turned out to be something serious when he got the donations to go.
Could be he's genuinely worried. It is the time of year people tend to be lacking in funds the most though I personally don't think the question was anything to worry about.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Dec 23, 2013 8:26 pm
It wasn't out of the blue. It was in the middle of a discussion about whether the Eclipse model cyberization was designed with the in-development IMP alicorns in mind or Princess Luna (or, later, simply as the end-of-the-line super-soldier model for unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies), so offering a rationale why there might be people designing it with her in mind was entirely pertinent. It would be startling if nobody in the government were thinking along those lines after Shattered Hoof Ridge, and by extension, it's something that Somber has to think about to make the setting the best and most consistent it can be.Kippershy wrote:It's not so much the fact its used at all as it is the amount of it.
- Spoiler:
Coming up out of the blue and asking what if Luna had her horn* or wings blown apart by a terrorist act?
edit: just realised I wrote own rather than horn. My bad.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:08 pm
Icy Shake wrote: the setting the best and most consistent it can be.
Isn't suggesting a horn needing to be replaced with cybernetics inconsistent? A horn has been shown to regrow twice. Once in FO:E and once in PH.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:09 pm
Personally I thought the metal horn was more for protection than replacement.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:10 pm
The wings and general body still apply, and even with the knowledge that the horn would return . . .Last wrote:Icy Shake wrote: the setting the best and most consistent it can be.
Isn't suggesting a horn needing to be replaced with cybernetics inconsistent? A horn has been shown to regrow twice. Once in FO:E and once in PH.
Moodyman90 wrote:Personally I thought the metal horn was more for protection than replacement.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:16 pm
Icy Shake wrote:The wings and general body still apply, and even with the knowledge that the horn would return . . .Last wrote:Icy Shake wrote: the setting the best and most consistent it can be.
Isn't suggesting a horn needing to be replaced with cybernetics inconsistent? A horn has been shown to regrow twice. Once in FO:E and once in PH.Moodyman90 wrote:Personally I thought the metal horn was more for protection than replacement.
Fair enough, but for morale purposes that's a scar. A leader that returns the same is better than a leader that returns scarred. The metal horn would just be "Hey, remember when I got this blown off?" you can do it sure, but in my opinion it is not the ideal option.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:19 pm
Maybe, but then again, they weren't exactly rushing to make people forget about Big Macintosh. Image could easily spin that into pro-war propaganda.Last wrote:Icy Shake wrote:The wings and general body still apply, and even with the knowledge that the horn would return . . .Last wrote:Icy Shake wrote: the setting the best and most consistent it can be.
Isn't suggesting a horn needing to be replaced with cybernetics inconsistent? A horn has been shown to regrow twice. Once in FO:E and once in PH.Moodyman90 wrote:Personally I thought the metal horn was more for protection than replacement.
Fair enough, but for morale purposes that's a scar. A leader that returns the same is better than a leader that returns scarred. The metal horn would just be "Hey, remember when I got this blown off?" you can do it sure, but in my opinion it is not the ideal option.
The issue I tended to have with it, though, especially the suggestion that it could be used as a way to make her more intimidating, is that Luna is a shapeshifter.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Dec 23, 2013 9:29 pm
Icy Shake wrote:
Maybe, but then again, they weren't exactly rushing to make people forget about Big Macintosh. Image could easily spin that into pro-war propaganda.
The issue I tended to have with it, though, especially the suggestion that it could be used as a way to make her more intimidating, is that Luna is a shapeshifter.
That's fair. Still think they'd avoid it as much as they could. I'd think regrowing would generally be preferable to replacing.
I'd forgotten that. She did shapeshift in the story didn't she? I was gonna say that was just a thing in the show but she did turn into eclipse. Having nightmare moon in place would be intimidating enough for the Zebras I'd have to wonder if Equestria would understand she was just putting on an act. I'd think so.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by TheWanderingZebra Mon Dec 23, 2013 10:00 pm
Excuse me, but are you attacking an author based on the fact that he has a condition?Kippershy wrote:Guess we ought to disregard the fact that Somber hasn't (or hadn't, recently) had his medication for a while because of the price...?
Yes, people are entitled to their own opinions. Whether you like it or not, I have to respect that some people might not enjoy something that I do ... but attacking an author's mental disorder is where people should draw the line. You basically saying that it is his condition that's at fault for you not liking PH. And that is in itself offensive to me and anyone else who has a disorder.
Maybe that wasn't what you intended, but it wouldn't change the fact that it's still offensive. You can dislike the story for BJ being "OP" or "A bad OC" ... but what you did was just something I can't tolerate.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:17 pm
Yes, exactly!FeatherDust wrote:And the barrel has an arrow toward the shooting end with the label "Do not examine this too closely".
Genius!FeatherDust wrote:
- Power Ponies:
Suppose it's like a pocket dimension, populated with illusion ponies. He brought in a few dozen ponies who all got themselves set up as noble houses, with strict marriage rules (because you can't breed with illusions), and so now it's ten generations later and the kids are not aware that their world is a fake, except for maybe one or two who pass down the big secret and work behind the scenes to ensure that the quest never gets finished.
And then some young idiots figure out that their uncle is "in league with" the villain and finish the story despite him, and suddenly fifty-odd ponies get dumped into the wasteland with no knowledge of it but great skill with armor and medieval weaponry...
- Power Ponies:
- Coming out of a "swords and sorcery" comic, they might do really well getting "transported to a new world" full of hostile beasts and poisonous zones. Though their sorcery might not work as expected...
Actually, this would be a really clever way to acquire a Rampage-esque melee specialist. The hero of the story could read himself in and proceed to complete the plotline. Whoops.
Aaaaand this should probably move over to the discussion thread...
I could explain away VATS in Fallout as the game-interface expression of a targeting assist system, like a smartgun in Shadowrun, while I think of SATS as a spell that speeds up her mind so she can consider her actions at the speed of reflexes. But I'm not really asking "how does SATS slow everything down?" so much as "How does it know you want to use it in the first place?" Pip typically just says she 'dropped into SATS', which makes it sound like a purely mental action -- which means the PipBuck has some rudimentary capacity for mind-reading.Moodyman90 wrote:I may be misinterpreting the question, but Pipbucks probably have a better explanation than Pipboys when it comes to VATS and all. In the very least Pipbucks run on a Spell matrix which makes more sense to me since using it causes the Pipbuck to cast a short term speed spell on the user...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Mon Dec 23, 2013 11:25 pm
In before the offensive thing I just said offends people!Kippershy wrote:In before:
>you refuse to even acknowledge me
>someone takes offense on your behalf
>you take offense at me asking
The hell.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Tue Dec 24, 2013 1:55 am
Sekashi in Ch.26: "Have ever heard something so silly?"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CamoBadger Tue Dec 24, 2013 2:14 am
Ya'll need to talk to Robo about this if you have a problem, because that post constitutes typical criticism for me at work so I'm having a hard time seeing an issue.Kippershy wrote:In before:
>you refuse to even acknowledge me
>someone takes offense on your behalf
>you take offense at me asking
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Tue Dec 24, 2013 2:31 am
...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Yitzhak_Rabin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_John_F._Kennedy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_of_Nanking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilse_Koch
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwandan_Genocide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Abraham_Lincoln
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moscone%E2%80%93Milk_assassinations
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Julius_Caesar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanged,_drawn,_and_quartered
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Holocaust
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_human_experimentation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Yitzhak_Rabin
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_John_F._Kennedy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_of_Nanking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilse_Koch
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwandan_Genocide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Abraham_Lincoln
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moscone%E2%80%93Milk_assassinations
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Julius_Caesar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanged,_drawn,_and_quartered
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Holocaust
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_human_experimentation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CamoBadger Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:34 am
Really now? You list nazi experiments, the Holocaust, assassinations, etc. and then put this on there with that stuff? Yeah, this is SO horrible.Somber wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:37 am
*sigh* lets not get political with this...it was going to end badly, now it's only going to get worse...CamoBadger wrote:Really now? You list nazi experiments, the Holocaust, assassinations, etc. and then put this on there with that stuff? Yeah, this is SO horrible.Somber wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by TheWanderingZebra Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:43 am
Let's not.stringtheory wrote:*sigh* lets not get political with this...it was going to end badly, now it's only going to get worse...CamoBadger wrote:Really now? You list nazi experiments, the Holocaust, assassinations, etc. and then put this on there with that stuff? Yeah, this is SO horrible.Somber wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Tue Dec 24, 2013 3:44 am
Especially not today, thanks.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Tue Dec 24, 2013 5:54 am
*sighs softly*
Well I guess it's not really a good time to post, but I finally got the rest of the commentary for the chapter done...
*nuzzles Somber just barely*
happy Hearth's Warming...
Well I guess it's not really a good time to post, but I finally got the rest of the commentary for the chapter done...
*nuzzles Somber just barely*
- Chapter 62b Commentary part 2:
I know it was a pretty big conversation over in the art thread about Blackjack's armor. To an extent I do agree, it's an unusual choice for Echo not to have given her some plating to cover her crotch, especially after Lighthooves cracked her there in their last fight. I really don't think it's a problem though.
Blackjack being pregnant was a definite surprise, unless she left something out, P-21 is heavily implied to be the father which... I think I'd be just fine with that. Of course Glory could still be too, that's not entirely ruled out. There's so many things that could possibly go wrong, I'll just have to add a healthy foal to the list of things I'd like if Blackjack gets a happy ending.
Using the scrap plating as shields was definitely a smart move, as was trusting the wings to work instead of trying to force them like she did with her legs. It's always good to show in little ways like that that she has learned from her experiences.
As much as it wasn't a very pleasant experience for Blackjack, tactical distractions are every bit the valid move, and it worked pretty well too. I don't blame her at all for slicing Chicanery's camera though.
It's really sad to see Thunderhead falling apart from the attack... To think of all the ponies that might have been in the segment that fell. I really do hope they were able to be evacuated...
Without the horror of Blackjack's surgery to offset it, Boo being able to say "Bwackjack" goes from incredibly meaningful and touching straight back to being rediculously adorable. She may not appreciate it as much, but I'm happy Blackjack got her to wear the operative barding.
It's also great for getting ponies to mistakenly think she's Blackjack, which may or may not be a good thing in the future, but it can certainly be funny.
"I'm thinking of renaming her the Rampage, loading her up with beer and hookers, and becoming and earth pony sky pirate." - I think this is a fantastic idea, definitely better than dieing.
"Boo? What do you think?" "Bwackjack!" "She can talk? Quick! Say 'booger'! 'Shit!' 'Harlot!' 'Batsuawa!' 'Trickle down economics!' 'Pink!'" "Bwa?" - I've said it before, but Rampage and Boo are still my favorite characters, even more so for this scene.
"I'd been mistaken on my speed in the tower. I was no faster than Morning Glory," - For all she had to give up for those wings, I feel a little sad for Blackjack that they aren't faster. Although understandably that would have been a bigger drain on her power, and would have made people complain even more.
I did enjoy the little scene with the Castellanus shooting the snot out of the Sirocco.
"I could see the horizon curving ever so slightly. The battle below became little flickering dots and larger flashing ovals." - This is a really pretty scene to imagine, maybe paired with some soft, peaceful piano music, even if Blackjack watching her power dwindle away is frightening. Cyber wings seriously need to come with an emergency glide system... Darn lack of saftey regulations...
I'm really sad Blackjack lost her sword too, it's been a very important part of her arsenal for quite some time now, and was the last real weapon she had left.
"The blank bit my mane and hauled me over the lip" - I had wondered before if the cloud-walking spell had helped Boo to haul blackjack up after jumping out of the Raptor, but no, it seems she is just /really/ strong. So much for those people who said she couldn't do "Rampage Diplomacy" on my tumblr, heh.
I figured since it was the middle of the chapter that Blackjack (and hopefully Boo) would be alright, but it was still pretty sad. If one or both hadn't made it, at least they would have gone out with a pony who cared about them...
I really don't know what it could possibly mean that Blackjack is dreaming about being Echo, but I certainly don't think it means anything good.
"I'll bite you to death!" "Oh. It is you. Hi." "I dropped it! Haven't you ever just dropped something before?" - After such a bleak dream, it's nice to have Blackjack being so cute, even if the situation is still just as dire.
If I were in Blackjack's place I think I could totally put my faith in Boo too...
I'd completely forgotten about EC-1101's routing, I'm glad Blackjack didn't. So the next destination is straight down in the Core... In a way I wonder if it's actually going there on its own or if it's Cognitum pulling a string. Or if everyone's speculation is right and Echo is returning to Luna...
"Ah yes. I am not the only one who'se undergone some changes." - So apparently the killing joke escaped, heh... As funny as that is, I'm /really/ glad Glory and the rest of the team weren't there when that happened.
It's really nice that Glory was able to minimalize the casualties of the attack on Thunderhead. I was really worried about that...
I'm also really glad she didn't freak out about Blackjack's appearance... Hopefully they'll get a chance to reconcile things before the end...
So Glory's plan to deal with the crisis was to take her father out of stasis? Well as long as she can keep him stable with potions it's not a bad plan, having a figure of authority to look up to is very important in crisis situations.
I hope they were able to get Thunderhead far enough away to clear the blast zone... Sure the whole point of pegasi cities is that they're supposed to be moble, but that doesn't guarantee anything.
I also hope that's not the last time Blackjack and Glory ever see eachother... it was really close to feeling like a "goodbye".
I'm not sure "easy" is the right word, but Blackjack certainly seems to be dealing with the idea of destroying the tower a lot better than she has other times.
It's definitely a good thing she was able to get past the cyberponies in the work area without a fight... She has been slowly getting better at diplomacy over the course of the story, as I think I've said before it's nice to see it actually working too.
I absolutely love the conversation between Blackjack and Lighthooves. It's a great buildup to their final battle, and was handled very well. Especially "You're not the Princess... piece... thing on the board, you're just a prawn too. Or are those horsies? Or maybe one of the castle thingies." Even being a such a terrible crisis, or maybe because of how tense the conversation was making everything, this was really adorable. It is a great scene though, right to the end of Blackjack tackling him out the window.
"Command: snapped strings." - Yeah, this part is a definite ouch... They really didn't deserve it... Hopefully the ones Twister captured didn't get hit by the signal.
Yay for Boo! I knew she could do it.
Their fight was handled well, I have trouble even imagining how it could have been before you decided to add to it. Lighthooves' death may not have been as horrible as he deserved, but I think it was fitting enough.
"I don't need a chance. I have a megaspell." - So that's what was on the paper, no wonder it could motivate ponies so well. In my head, her delivery of this line was movie-grade cool...
I'd completely forgotten about the megaspell chambers, or that Blackjack could potentially access them. I do have to say though, it's a /really/ good thing Rampage decided not to try and use this one to kill herself. It /might/ have worked, but if it didn't, she would have been trapped in that compacted mass of metal, and getting out wouldn't have been pleasant or easy...
The escape from the megaspell was well done, very tense and properly frightening. I'm sure Blackjack can survive being hit by the Raptor, but I really hope Boo will be alright...
happy Hearth's Warming...
WavemasterRyx- Hydra
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Dec 24, 2013 7:34 am
Nice to have your commentary, WavemasterRyx. :)WavemasterRyx wrote:*sighs softly*
Well I guess it's not really a good time to post, but I finally got the rest of the commentary for the chapter done...
*nuzzles Somber just barely*
- Chapter 62b Commentary part 2:
I know it was a pretty big conversation over in the art thread about Blackjack's armor. To an extent I do agree, it's an unusual choice for Echo not to have given her some plating to cover her crotch, especially after Lighthooves cracked her there in their last fight. I really don't think it's a problem though.
Blackjack being pregnant was a definite surprise, unless she left something out, P-21 is heavily implied to be the father which... I think I'd be just fine with that. Of course Glory could still be too, that's not entirely ruled out. There's so many things that could possibly go wrong, I'll just have to add a healthy foal to the list of things I'd like if Blackjack gets a happy ending.
Using the scrap plating as shields was definitely a smart move, as was trusting the wings to work instead of trying to force them like she did with her legs. It's always good to show in little ways like that that she has learned from her experiences.
As much as it wasn't a very pleasant experience for Blackjack, tactical distractions are every bit the valid move, and it worked pretty well too. I don't blame her at all for slicing Chicanery's camera though.
It's really sad to see Thunderhead falling apart from the attack... To think of all the ponies that might have been in the segment that fell. I really do hope they were able to be evacuated...
Without the horror of Blackjack's surgery to offset it, Boo being able to say "Bwackjack" goes from incredibly meaningful and touching straight back to being rediculously adorable. She may not appreciate it as much, but I'm happy Blackjack got her to wear the operative barding.
It's also great for getting ponies to mistakenly think she's Blackjack, which may or may not be a good thing in the future, but it can certainly be funny.
"I'm thinking of renaming her the Rampage, loading her up with beer and hookers, and becoming and earth pony sky pirate." - I think this is a fantastic idea, definitely better than dieing.
"Boo? What do you think?" "Bwackjack!" "She can talk? Quick! Say 'booger'! 'Shit!' 'Harlot!' 'Batsuawa!' 'Trickle down economics!' 'Pink!'" "Bwa?" - I've said it before, but Rampage and Boo are still my favorite characters, even more so for this scene.
"I'd been mistaken on my speed in the tower. I was no faster than Morning Glory," - For all she had to give up for those wings, I feel a little sad for Blackjack that they aren't faster. Although understandably that would have been a bigger drain on her power, and would have made people complain even more.
I did enjoy the little scene with the Castellanus shooting the snot out of the Sirocco.
"I could see the horizon curving ever so slightly. The battle below became little flickering dots and larger flashing ovals." - This is a really pretty scene to imagine, maybe paired with some soft, peaceful piano music, even if Blackjack watching her power dwindle away is frightening. Cyber wings seriously need to come with an emergency glide system... Darn lack of saftey regulations...
I'm really sad Blackjack lost her sword too, it's been a very important part of her arsenal for quite some time now, and was the last real weapon she had left.
"The blank bit my mane and hauled me over the lip" - I had wondered before if the cloud-walking spell had helped Boo to haul blackjack up after jumping out of the Raptor, but no, it seems she is just /really/ strong. So much for those people who said she couldn't do "Rampage Diplomacy" on my tumblr, heh.
I figured since it was the middle of the chapter that Blackjack (and hopefully Boo) would be alright, but it was still pretty sad. If one or both hadn't made it, at least they would have gone out with a pony who cared about them...
I really don't know what it could possibly mean that Blackjack is dreaming about being Echo, but I certainly don't think it means anything good.
"I'll bite you to death!" "Oh. It is you. Hi." "I dropped it! Haven't you ever just dropped something before?" - After such a bleak dream, it's nice to have Blackjack being so cute, even if the situation is still just as dire.
If I were in Blackjack's place I think I could totally put my faith in Boo too...
I'd completely forgotten about EC-1101's routing, I'm glad Blackjack didn't. So the next destination is straight down in the Core... In a way I wonder if it's actually going there on its own or if it's Cognitum pulling a string. Or if everyone's speculation is right and Echo is returning to Luna...
"Ah yes. I am not the only one who'se undergone some changes." - So apparently the killing joke escaped, heh... As funny as that is, I'm /really/ glad Glory and the rest of the team weren't there when that happened.
It's really nice that Glory was able to minimalize the casualties of the attack on Thunderhead. I was really worried about that...
I'm also really glad she didn't freak out about Blackjack's appearance... Hopefully they'll get a chance to reconcile things before the end...
So Glory's plan to deal with the crisis was to take her father out of stasis? Well as long as she can keep him stable with potions it's not a bad plan, having a figure of authority to look up to is very important in crisis situations.
I hope they were able to get Thunderhead far enough away to clear the blast zone... Sure the whole point of pegasi cities is that they're supposed to be moble, but that doesn't guarantee anything.
I also hope that's not the last time Blackjack and Glory ever see eachother... it was really close to feeling like a "goodbye".
I'm not sure "easy" is the right word, but Blackjack certainly seems to be dealing with the idea of destroying the tower a lot better than she has other times.
It's definitely a good thing she was able to get past the cyberponies in the work area without a fight... She has been slowly getting better at diplomacy over the course of the story, as I think I've said before it's nice to see it actually working too.
I absolutely love the conversation between Blackjack and Lighthooves. It's a great buildup to their final battle, and was handled very well. Especially "You're not the Princess... piece... thing on the board, you're just a prawn too. Or are those horsies? Or maybe one of the castle thingies." Even being a such a terrible crisis, or maybe because of how tense the conversation was making everything, this was really adorable. It is a great scene though, right to the end of Blackjack tackling him out the window.
"Command: snapped strings." - Yeah, this part is a definite ouch... They really didn't deserve it... Hopefully the ones Twister captured didn't get hit by the signal.
Yay for Boo! I knew she could do it.
Their fight was handled well, I have trouble even imagining how it could have been before you decided to add to it. Lighthooves' death may not have been as horrible as he deserved, but I think it was fitting enough.
"I don't need a chance. I have a megaspell." - So that's what was on the paper, no wonder it could motivate ponies so well. In my head, her delivery of this line was movie-grade cool...
I'd completely forgotten about the megaspell chambers, or that Blackjack could potentially access them. I do have to say though, it's a /really/ good thing Rampage decided not to try and use this one to kill herself. It /might/ have worked, but if it didn't, she would have been trapped in that compacted mass of metal, and getting out wouldn't have been pleasant or easy...
The escape from the megaspell was well done, very tense and properly frightening. I'm sure Blackjack can survive being hit by the Raptor, but I really hope Boo will be alright...
happy Hearth's Warming...
O. Hinds- Zebra Engineer
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Tue Dec 24, 2013 7:37 am
...It's my impression that adding that last one was a joke.CamoBadger wrote:Really now? You list nazi experiments, the Holocaust, assassinations, etc. and then put this on there with that stuff? Yeah, this is SO horrible.Somber wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
O. Hinds- Zebra Engineer
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Tue Dec 24, 2013 7:48 am
Early Christmas present for you guys! Some more proofreading:
Blackjack takes down some slavers, has a showdown in Megamart with Deus, and gets a pretty big bounty put on her head. All in a day's work:
- Chapter 2:
- At least, it was for five minutes.
Grammar: Line not indented the same. One's eyes really tend to skip over things like this.Wha... huh... talking metal bugs?
Grammar: Same deal. Indent too small.
- Chapter 6:
- My PipBuck’s chronometer might’ve still mark the time, but every minute felt like an hour.
Grammar: [mark] > [marked]“Cheerilee. So good to see you again. How are things at the education bureau?” my… host? inquired, rising and giving a polite hug.
Grammar: Technically, exclamation points and question marks count as periods. They divide up sentences and can't be used in place of other punctuation. Consider replacing it with an ellipsis.Footnote: Level Up.
Skill Note: Speech (50)
New Perk: Foal at Heart - This perk greatly improves your interactions with children.
Prose: Needs line breaks between each item.
Alright, the rest looks like it checks out.
Blackjack takes down some slavers, has a showdown in Megamart with Deus, and gets a pretty big bounty put on her head. All in a day's work:
- Chapter 7:
- I remember his white and red striped mane, like a candy cane. I remember his laugh.
Grammar: Should both be past tense "remembered".I could almost imagine he was sleeping except I knew he’d never wake up.
Grammar: Needs comma after sleeping.Again, I know the excuses. It was self defense.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "self-defense".They were mangy psychotic killers or ponies who’d decided to be evil.
Grammar: Needs comma after "mangy".The gray pegasus had found some Enclave remains with a flight harness that doubled her pockets and holster.
Grammar: Phrasing seems a little awkward. Consider revising:
[The gray pegasus had found some Enclave remains with a holster and a flight harness that doubled her pockets.]
OR
[The gray pegasus had found some Enclave remains with a flight harness that doubled her pockets and holsters.]I stared into his eyes, unblinking as I felt my horn twitch. Finally, he smiled and said graciously, “That will be acceptable to the Society.”
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.“I thought she was going to shoot both of them if they argued,” Glory replied in her own whisper.
I glanced back at both of them and didn’t say a word. Glory immediately stepped back a few steps.
Prose: A bit of repetition here. Consider revising to:
[“I thought she was going to shoot both of them if they argued,” Glory replied in her own whisper.
I glanced back at them and didn’t say a word. Glory immediately shuffled back a few steps.]
I looked up at the two ponies in the trailer, shotgun reloading as another gripping a pool cue jumped out at me.
Prose: This one might confuse readers a little bit. Is Blackjack reloading her shotgun, or is the pony who attacked her with a shotgun reloading his? Judging by the fact that she uses a pistol in the paragraphs that follow, she's obviously referring to the shotgun-wielding pony that just shot her in the ass. In other instances in this scene, "Shotgun" is capitalized like a proper noun when it is used to refer to this specific adversary. Consider capitalizing shotgun in this paragraph as well, in order to maintain consistency.Automatic turned his head just in time to see me take a stance, pistol raised, and aim five shots into his noggin. There was little left. Three.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.At first it seemed nonsense till I saw him duck his head for a grenade hooked to his vest..
Grammar: Two periods where there should be one.His mouth closed around it just as my magic flicked the tab right off the end. His head lifted, tongue working to remove the pin that was already gone.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.“Granite, you dumb fucker! It’s Security!” a unicorn screamed as she levitated a SMG at me.
Grammar: Should be "an".Two ponies were still squirming; my automatic stopped that. Seven. Eight.
Grammar: Single-space between words in bold. Should be double-space.Not unless they were going for a full on twelve course banquet.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "full-on".The gray pony with a bow-tie cutie mark was the last to go.
Grammar: In this case, the hyphen can be safely replaced with a space.“And… how did DJ Pon3 put it… Ponies selling ponies to ponies that work ponies to death needs to be stopped?” Damn it. They were both smiling. I felt my heart start to pound.
Grammar: Since this sentence is a question and the following sentence is capitalized, the ellipsis marked in bold should be replaced with a question mark. Also, that "needs" should probably be "need" singular.I saw a snapped off tip of a knife rammed into a skull.
Prose: If she's referring to that first raider she killed, she technically targeted the neck. Unless Blackjack is embellishing or doesn't remember the details of the encounter (given her state of duress, a distinct possibility), you might consider replacing "a skull" with "a raider's jugular", or "a psychotic mare's throat" or something similar. Then again, the brevity and phonetic characteristics of "skull" do lend something to this line. Your call.A desk in one corner with terminal.
Grammar: [with terminal] > [with a terminal]A shelf held numerous books.
Grammar: This sentence does not fit the structure of the rest of the objects she lists off. It should read "shelf that held" or "shelf holding". An easy way to test this is to pretend like each item starts with "There was a" instead of just "A". "There was a desk in one corner with a terminal. There was a safe. There was a shelf held numerous books. There was a refrigerator in the second corner."A refrigerator in the second corner. Wastebasket.
Grammar: Triple-space between words in bold.“What would be the point of having a pile of caps? To swim in?”
Grammar: [To swim in?] > [To swim in it?]If anything has a chance of holding us together; its trade.
Grammar: What's that semicolon doing there? Also, this is not possessive "its", but contracted "it is", so there should be an apostrophe. Therefore, "together; its" should read "together, it's".I remembered how often I thought I was useless because all I could do is shoot things.
Prose: Should be past tense "was".“You do things, Blackjack. By your hoof and your will ponies live and die. That’s a power that…”
Grammar: Should be a comma after "will".“It’s not... It’s not a power I should have. That anypony should have.”
Grammar: Word in bold should be all lowercase.“I used my power to kill children,” I said as I clenched by eyes shut.
Grammar: [by] > [my]“The Collegiate are fine ponies, but they don’t care for fixing ponies broken centuries ago. They’re more interested in discovering lost spells and technology. Those foals would have remained as you left them for centuries. They wouldn’t have pulled the plug. They simply would have closed the door. As for the Enclave helping… why would they? They weren’t Pegasus foals.”
Grammar: "Pegasus" should probably be all-lowercase, as it is a generic term.“Usury?” I straightened as I remember the freed ponies mentioning Paradise. I may not be a smart pony, but I made the connection.
Prose: These should both be past tense, "remembered" and "might've not been", respectively.“We are now,” Bottlecap said as closed her eyes with a reserved frown.
Grammar: [as closed] > [as she closed]“I can’t, of course, offer you a contract for this. If my sisters thought I was deliberately undermining them, it would be all out war within the Finders.”
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "all-out".I’d need to save them or start carrying backup shotguns. Actually, given that everypony was asleep at this hour, what I should do was go back to bed till dawn.
Prose: Should be past tense, "should've done".My ears stood right up and I moseyed over to where five ponies sat around a table. And they had cards and colored chits.
Grammar: One space after the period between the words highlighted in bold; should be two.“You know head and hoof style?”
Grammar: Since this is a proper name, it should be capitalized as "Head and Hoof".With six players, that meant keeping track of forty two cards.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "forty-two".Then I saw a ghost. The unicorn buck stood at the end a row of scrap metal.
Grammar: [end a] > [end of a]“There’s just two little problems right now: One, I dunno if you noticed, but I’m really stupid. And two...”
Grammar: Should probably capitalize both of the numbers or neither of them.Oh thank you sweet merciful whiskey for you have taken the concussive beating that comes from hanging a few feet from a firing cannon muzzle and rendered it into a nice full body numbness.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "full-body".He stepped back, eyes widening, and I curled up as tightly as I could giggling, “Mine’s bigger.”
Grammar: There should be a comma after "could".I could make out the long drawn out noise of ‘Cunnnnnt!’ being shouted by Deus.
Grammar: Should ideally be hyphenated as "long-drawn-out".“Hey Deus! You still want my PipBuck? You can have it when you pry it off my cold… dead….”
Grammar: Ellipsis is four periods instead of the regular three.I might have just said, ‘Hadahhhhsss! Mwahhhguaaataaa!”
Grammar: Since the slurred passage starts with a single-quote mark, it should end with one as well.Wait? S.A.T.S. then fire… S.A.T.S. then fire… Cancelling S.A.T.S.
Typo: [Cancelling] > [Canceling] (British English uses the two Ls)I looked down at the weapon in my magical grip, focusing on the bleary letters.
Prose: Letters can't be bleary, but eyes certainly can. Consider one of these revisions:
[I looked down at the weapon in my magical grip, focusing on the blurry letters.]
OR
[I looked down at the weapon in my magical grip, focusing my bleary eyes on the letters.]P-21 and Glory found me and immediately started pumping healing potions into me.
Prose: Technically, healing potions aren't injected. You might want to try "dumping healing potions down my gullet".“Bullshit, Bottlecap. This is a store. Everything’s for sale!” he said with a wide grin.
Grammar: Single space between these sentences. Should be two.I regarded Megamart’s security chief with a curious half smile.
Grammar: Should be hyphenated as "half-smile".“I’m not an ungrateful shit. You helped us and helped others. I get my paycheck the honest way now,” she said as tossed the barding down on the cot beside me.
Grammar: [as tossed] > [as she tossed]If I wasn’t wrapped head to hoof in healing bandages I’d be screaming about how.
Prose: This sentence is a little confusing. Should this read "how" or "now"? If she's referring to how her PipBuck mysteriously assigns navigational markers, it's the former. If she's saying that she'd be in great pain without the bandages, it's the latter. Upon casual reading, the statement parses oddly. Either way, it's probably fine as-is.Footnote: Level up.
New Perk: Quick Draw- Holstering and drawing weapons is 50% faster.
Quest Perk added: The Stare (level 1) - You can intimidate non-hostile contacts through eye contact.
Prose: This should be reformatted to read (changes indicated in bold):
[Footnote: Level up.
New Perk: Quick Draw - Holstering and drawing weapons is 50% faster.
Quest Perk: The Stare (Level 1) - You can intimidate non-hostile contacts through eye contact.]
* * * * * * *
Blackjack recaps her experiences thus far.
Was her father the first pony she retired? Some people seem to think so.
We meet Roses for the first time in this chapter. She and her slavers were no match for Blackjack's 1337 unicorn hax. That's one thing I actually missed from the later chapters where she's a cyborg. She used to use her levitation magic a lot during fights, to cripple her opponents by sabotaging their weapons... as opposed to simply lunging at them and pummeling them into paste. A safety here, a magazine release there, maybe setting off a grenade or two while it's still in an enemy's possession. She used to fight dirty.
Rather hypocritical of her to get so pissed off at a bunch of slavers, especially when 99 basically institutionalized the practice. But I guess that's kind of the point, really. Blackjack had been spending her whole life in denial, and now, she's face-to-face with the very monster she'd turned her back on for years.
Ahh, there she goes. Threatening to turn somepony into paint. Straight to the point. Classic.
And then, Blackjack fainted.
Hahah, she's sitting on the cot like Lyra, isn't she?
Heh, Brimstone's Fall. Who would've guessed that a good month later, she'd nearly drown in a pool of gore that used to be all the ponies she saved there?
Oh shit, it's Deus.
Universal rule that Blackjack has to get hurt all the time? Why, what an astute observation! I think I'll call it "P-21's Law".
Train Dodger- Stallion/Mare
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Tue Dec 24, 2013 11:28 am
That would be correct sir.O. Hinds wrote:...It's my impression that adding that last one was a joke.CamoBadger wrote:Really now? You list nazi experiments, the Holocaust, assassinations, etc. and then put this on there with that stuff? Yeah, this is SO horrible.Somber wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement
You think I'm fucked up, Kippershy? I got NOTHING on the fucked up shit real life comes up with all the time.
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