Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:32 pm
@can of meat: I kinda forgot to say this yesterday, but maybe that's supposed to be Cram, the totally-not-meat generic source of protein.
I specifically remembered to come back here and say that a few minutes ago. I don't know about animals, but this pony's brain never stops surprising me.
I specifically remembered to come back here and say that a few minutes ago. I don't know about animals, but this pony's brain never stops surprising me.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Sindri Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:58 am
Maybe the meat can is cat food? Or ferret, or any of the other carnivorous critters that ponies always took care of before the war?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:03 am
pretty sure this is a case of Bellisario"s Maxim, but when has that ever stopped us? now the can of what-ever-that-is will come back, have an important role to play and have a sympathetic backstorySindri wrote:Maybe the meat can is cat food? Or ferret, or any of the other carnivorous critters that ponies always took care of before the war?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:04 am
That can is what caused the megaspells to be dropped.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Stringtheory Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:05 am
do we know where it was found?Moodyman90 wrote:That can is what caused the megaspells to be dropped.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:10 am
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Somber11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f31/17/51/22/96/somber11.jpg)
- Probably not actually a spoiler, but spoilered just in case people don't want to see it:
- Fuzzy might be particularly interested in this chapter, by the way. It (and I expect that you'll know what "it" is when you see it) is a coincidence as far as Somber is concerned (he's not read MN7 yet), but it is perhaps one that Fuzzy could make use of. Or not.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:13 am
So the new chapter is out? Awesome.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:29 am
"Mega Deus"? Really? Really?
I mean, I'm a fan of Big O and it got a laugh from that.
Now I can't stop picturing Blackjack combining with Deus to form a giant mecha pony, like if they made Brotherhood armor to fit Goliath from way back.
I mean, I'm a fan of Big O and it got a laugh from that.
Now I can't stop picturing Blackjack combining with Deus to form a giant mecha pony, like if they made Brotherhood armor to fit Goliath from way back.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Meleagridis Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:50 am
O. Hinds wrote:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Tumblr_m2aixrkCGz1r55rzp](https://2img.net/h/iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/tumblr_m2aixrkCGz1r55rzp.gif)
Wish I had cyber parts. Then I could read instead of sleeping.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Feb 18, 2013 2:00 am
Hi... sorry I've been quiet for so long...
Anyway, hope the chapter is okay.
Oh. And this is something I've been doing with the amazing Pantzar...
http://requiem-pony.tumblr.com/
Anyway, hope the chapter is okay.
Oh. And this is something I've been doing with the amazing Pantzar...
http://requiem-pony.tumblr.com/
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CamoBadger Mon Feb 18, 2013 2:06 am
Followed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Moodyman90 Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:10 am
Read the chapter, had some laughs, shed some happy tears, actually feel like it's getting to the end game, loved it, going to bed.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by jacky2734 Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:59 am
O. Hinds wrote:
Okay Hinds, I know this is probably an old subject, but I really think you need to find a different image for the Somber Signal. Every time I see that, the first thing I think is "Anime Turd".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Sindri Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:23 am
Alright, chapter reaction time!
- Spoiler:
- Fate and fortune telling... I'm reminded of nothing quite so much as that old mare on the river, the one who told P-21 his story was over.
Requesting fanart of Rampage as a surly teenager.
...Bluh, I am not remembering which quest pointed at Grimhorn. The one Rover requested? Something about Enclave mind controll? Yeah that sounds about right.
On one hoof, leaving Chapel visibly means that direct attacks on you don't try to go through them. On the other hoof, anyone who knows you knows that they can be used as hostages, and it very nearly worked for Sanguine. Plus against the forces threatening them I wouldn't trust any defences short of Security... or Deus. And the kids probably wouldn't like to keep him around, even if you did give Charity the detonator.
Hee. Scotch is treating Boo like a little sister and it's adorable. And Blackjack, you really should pay more attention to your kid.
Alas, the riot shotguns. So fun, so useful, but so fragile when you treat them like Blackjack does.
Yes, P-21 is cute. Face it Blackjack, your whole adventuring party is pretty hot. Except for Scotch because eww. And when you're all torn to bits and hemorrhaging limbs.
Well that conversation's going to light up the forums for a while.
Blackjack, you're pouting because nobody's shooting you. I think you have a problem.
Scratch that, definite problem.
P-21 is awesome tho.
More dreams. Hrm. from before the end this time...
Named rifle? High probability that it'll be recovered eventually, probably by the pony inheriting Psalms dreams.
Specialized toys from Goldy, and he looks scared... What did he know going into this?
Well then.
So, there had never been a zebra assassin. They did attack under cover of the peace talks, but specifically avoided harming Celestia and suffered for it.
Goldenblood had no intention of causing Celestia to die... was he actually uninvolved? Was the the reason that the Third Battalion was late, allowing them that chance? Or was he the reason Rainbow Dash was waiting just close enough to save the day?
On one hoof, he desperately wanted the war over, and at least in the later stages would likely have been glad to see a surrender to the zebras rather than a continued perversion of the Equestria he knew and loved. On the other, he was fiercly loyal to Luna, and she wanted victory at any cost.
And it wasn't Big Macintosh's decision to retire with Twilight that broke the pact and doomed the Marauders. It was Psalm's bullet, her decision to go it alone and try to save the country instead of trusting in her leader and her squad to get the Princess back.
Yes, we have seen a lot of impressive Equestrian engineering, still standing after centuries of abuse and neglect. We have also seen many of those same structures destroyed by our passing.
P-21 just disappears to the side. In the middle of an open, featureless bridge. Earth pony magic?
Alright, so, who's trying to ambush you this time?
A half dozen bandits. That's... adorable.
Oh.
Oh dear.
Alright, this here is a problem. Becuase Blackjack did not pull that trigger, but her gun fired and killed somepony who really needed to die. And if Psalm's ghost or memories or a fragment of Lacunae or whatever has actual control over Blackjack's body, however slight, it's an issue what needs to be investigated and dealt with.
Oh, it was just Lacunae? Problem solved. And further evidence for the connection between the odd little alicorn and Psalm. Not just the words, or the memories, but killing so others don't have to.
Now there is an interesting parallel. The Marauders and Dawn's companions. And Big Daddy is definitely touched by the Stars, maybe every big leader in the Hoof is. What were the terms of their pact, and how did it end up breaking?
And here we have the second instance of Boo saving everybody. Doesn't matter if she can't fight, she's got more experience in hiding from horrifying monstrosities than anypony. And apparently can hear hellhounds deep underground from on top of a running tank.
Speaking of, Deus is a big obvious target and I'm getting Steelhooves flashbacks.
Okay, start making called shots to the control helmets. Maybe you can turn some of them, or at least confuse them.
Don't you hate it when somebody uses overwhelming force and tactics instead of picking one or the other like a normal enemy? Also, kinda hoping that dropping buildings on Deus is going to be a thing, like Blackjack and boats.
This is probematic. Hellhounds are entirely too good at melee combat and Blackjack needs to work on her swordsmareship.
P-21 always wins though. Pop!
Okay, the Hounds are trying to bury Deus instead of just burrowing through his undercarriage. That's good. Still, these things are an armored division's worst nightmare.
Okay, requesting fanart of P-21 getting a cyberpony ride. (No not that kind. Though based on Glory's earlier comment...![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Icon_winky](https://2img.net/h/www.mspaforums.com/images/smilies/icon_winky.gif)
)
Alright, now Deus is dropping buildings on himself. And he and Scotch make the best of partners.
Did... did you just have a good plan that involved splitting up the party? Isn't that contradictory?
Cyberzebras, energy weapons, Enclave doing something in a rapid and possibly desparate manner... why is it that you always seem to arrive just as everything else is happening?
Boo hangs back, and somepony just happened to leave binoculars. That'd be a sniper's perch, recently vacated and with juicy, field-of-view limiting bait left behind.
So of course Blackjack walks right in.
Hello, Lancer. By the way, being able to recognize people by the way their bullet impacts your spine is kinda weird Blackjack.
Hmm. Numerous cloaked opponents. I think that P-21 needs to handle Boo's eventual combat training; the party needs that perception score put to good use, and stealth/bombs is the way to do it. Unless they pull an earth pony sniping rig together?
Wait. Flying kick from a zebra about to kill Boo and Scotch, then her cloak just happens to fly into her eyes?
Boo is far more than she appears. Right, pause the combat to think about this. She's a Blank, but not a normal one. Blanks are made pretty much wholecloth from the blood of Discord, who's also the one who identified her as special. And who was previously trapped in a statue for centuries, and thus very bored. I'm thinking Boo's a full probability warper, as befits the daughter of the Spirit of Chaos.
Okay, back to the melee. Pipe-wrench bashing. Yes, good.
Hee. No you won't Blackjack, you'll forget about it until at least the third such improbable event if not later. And you might not ever tell the smart ponies.
"'Maybe we can help?' The question drew shock from everypony except P-21."
Okay, Lancer doesn't like the "Brood of Coyotal." Good to know, and indicates at least two, probably three factions of zebras involved in this op.
Hehehee. That tech specialist is the most cursed zebra ever now. Wonder how she and her gang are doing?
Hrm. Promises from Lancer have not ended well in the past. Please do not be surprised by his sudden but inevetable betrayal?
“Overkill, Dad.”
C'mon Scotch, we don't want this to be easy to repair. And we don't want the zebra techs studying it.
(Also? D'aawwwwwwww)
EC-1101 acknowledgement required.
Fuck.
That could mean you push a button and everything dies, or it could mean if you fail to push a button everything dies. And Blackjack probably doesn't even know which button it is.
I don't know what LNR PLC is (lunar palace?) and that count-up is uncomfortably close to whatever it is.
And Glory is a good enough copy to get through Dash-specific forcefields. On one hoof, that's really convenient. On the other, you have an Enclave soldier standing right behind you.
Full figurine set! Yayness!
Warehouse full of missiles, some taken by Enclave and the rest left for Lancer! Motherfuck!
shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit
Lacunae is best pony.
Hehee. Drugged Glory is goofy.
Faceless horde of hundreds of cyberzebras less so. Hi Lancer!
Legate Vitiosus eh? So Lancer is actually holding to his word? I suppose if he were going to try to kill you again he wouldn't have stepped out in front...
Oh hey, there's the Legate. Dragon fang spear? Impressive. Wonder how that armor matches up against the Starmetal Sword...
Oh. Well then. Deus, maybe stay out of this one? He seems to be immune to ridiculously oversized cannon shells. And this is without the Talisman of the Eternal Warrior? Even Rampage would be down for minutes after that!
And now he's going all Strongarm Alchemist on you. Lacunae can't teleport a tank, can she? Because retreat is looking like a good option but the Legate is entirely too fast.
Okay, I'm thinking that we have not yet begun to see what full zebra augmentation can do, let alone high level talisman magic.
Okay, Rampage cracked the armor, but she's down for a while. Try the cannon again and see if it at least delays him without some of those bones?
Command of the earth, skies and sea... so that would be the rocks he was throwing around, the lightning he calls, and... probably dropping boats on Blackjack.
Okay, so either he has a high level regen talisman somewhere in that armor (or in him), or he's even weirder. A talisman like that would burn out pretty quick unless it were a soul jar. Does he have some connection to the tribe that worshipped the stars? Has be made a bargain with them for power? No, he seems to be completely opposed to anything Star-related. This is something else. Something much more... else.
Okay, he's going to kill Blackjack when she revels in the slaughter she is capable of. When she accepts that she is the villain of the piece and embraces the role.
Good luck with that, stripy.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:03 am
Well, there went my chance of going to bed at a responsible time tonight. Here goes . . .
(Sorry for the terrible formatting, by the way.)
Somber, brushers, you really put out something great this time--even compared to your normal high level of quality. Thank you.
(Sorry for the terrible formatting, by the way.)
- Running Commentary:
- “What?” she asked, and the poor blue stallion looked so flustered that I decided not to chime in with my own personal nickname.
Great, now I have to wonder what it is. Setup for later?
Bisexuality: double your options, double your fun!
Courtesy of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company.
I must have looked ridiculous; my reinforcements made wearing normal barding impractical, so some of Sky Striker’s plates had been duct taped and wonderglued to my augmented limbs to cover the gaps.
Thank the Goddesses she doesn't have fur on them anymore. Ouch!
“You gave them hope, Blackjack.”
Sad that, basically, that's what she always wanted to do, and couldn't recognize it. But it fits in more ways than one.
“That look like you’re trying to think and arriving at all the wrong conclusions. Relax, Blackjack. I’m sure that we’ll be attacked sooner or later. Don’t stress yourself till then.”
That's actually pretty similar to what I was thinking at the time (minus the "attacked" part).
“Or whine more quietly,”
Wasn't she whining silently before? He's the one who made it verbal.
It was clear that while Vanity might have the officer’s crest, Big Macintosh was in charge.
Not quite the same, but I couldn't help but think of two of the seventy maxims of maximally effictive mercenaries (slightly edited):
2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.
3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody [even Big Macintosh].
. . .
I swear, Psalm's dream-memories are often some of the best parts of the chapters they appear in; both this one and the orphanage memory were, in addition to great segments of the novel, probably excellent short stories in their own right (though it's hard to say for sure, given I have the added context of the rest).
Everywhere I looked were bones and skulls sticking out of the earth as if the remains struggled to keep fighting each other.
Possibility to flashback to Boneyard?
And Security’s legs are white, not black. Or so I heard.
Wow, we actually have someone paying attention.
The round ripped right between his eyes and sprayed his brains across the crumbled asphalt.
No…
I stared at his limp body. That… that hadn’t happened. Couldn’t… never… Then I heard the most gentle whisper through my mind.
‘Forgive me, Luna, for I have taken the life of another.’
Holy fucking shit.
We’re moving so slowly it makes me want to scream.
It's always nice to see or be reminded a bit of how being RD is _directly_ affecting her.
How much of the conversation with Dealer was verbal/did the others hear? I guess it doesn't matter too much since she goes right to talk to Glory, but the Lacunae part is telepathic, right?
“Always with the running thing,” he muttered.
P-21, you're great.
I’ll fly a hundred yards north, Sunset can fly a hundred yards south, and we’ll triangulate on the transmission source.
Ah, Glory, dumbing things down for the, um, dumb pony(ies?).
“What the heck is happening?” Scotch Tape asked, standing on my back and shielding her eyes as if that would allow her to peer through the mist.
Good to see she wasn't concussed too badly.
“I’m not the maiden of anything! I’m not even a maiden! There’s certain criteria a mare has to meet in order to be considered a maiden, and I blew that when I was your age,”
Blackjack, keeping it classy.
“Let... let me try,” Glory said as she stepped up to the field and touched it with a wing. The feather passed right through like it was water. She passed right through, and once she was on the far side, the magic field dropped, leaving a ring of deactivated gems.
Well, I guess it was Army. But this still seems weird . . . Or I guess it's nothing.
And that was true. There were empty Sparkle Cola and Buckweiser bottles on the desk and empty potato chip bags in the trash.
Nice; I don't think I've seen Buckweiser before.
The power-armored pegasus launched herself into the air, carrying my love with her.
So now you do love her. See, it's best if you just feel it, and try not to think about it; you aren't too good at the thinking thing.
Twilight always knew that Rainbow Dash would do what was right, eventually.
And now we have proof that RD was American (was there ever any doubt?).
The shot of Dash that Rampage administered had Glory awake and practically bouncing on her hooves.
Yo, dawg . . .
- Editing Matters:
So, the stuff prefaced by * I'm less sure
of, or less certain on relevance, but sadly I just need to get this out
and get to sleep.
It’s a more annoying time than anything.
Was
this meant to say it's the most annoying time, or that it's just an
annoying time, but not a real problem given that she has the implant
(more an annoying time than anything)?
It’s not like I’m attracted to him in any way shape or form.
Should be comma-delineated as any other list.
*She
might have looked like Rainbow Dash, even had her athleticism, but she
was still not far removed from the timid mare I’d discovered beneath
that terminal.
*even having her athleticism
*she even had her athleticism
From the other side of the valley thundered rams horns,
The CMS suggests "ram's horns" for this plural.
From over the radio connection with Big Macintosh, I heard the envoys greet each other with Cheddar providing translations.
Translation is more textual in nature; I think this would be interpretation.
On
"third battalion": I believe this would be treated as a proper noun,
and thus capitalized--e.g. “Where is the Third Battalion?” or "If they
managed to get her, they could flee back to zebra territory if the Third
wasn’t in position to stop them as planned."
Apparently, everypony expected a duel to the death atop Mt.Hoof, that big granite knot at the south end of the Core.
Need space between "Mt." and "Hoof".
Somehow,
Celestia banished her sister to the moon instead and scattered
Nightmare moon’s batpony forces back to her hidden citadel.”
"Moon" needs capitalization.
Then there was a pause and the whine of an magical energy weapon being primed right beneath my head.
"a magical energy weapon"
*Every
one of the hellhounds wore a bizarre smooth helmet that seemed out of
place from their crude weaponry and claw-cut and hammered armor.
*"out of place among" or "-with"
Boo, staring wide-eyed at the walls, still appeared s scared as before
Get rid of the "s", and needs a period.
*Two
dropped to one knee behind a chunk of rubble and sprayed the skies with
a hissing, crackling gatling variety of beaminess while the other two
lunged for myself and Rampage.
*"me" rather than "myself", also perhaps "Rampage and me" rather than BJ first.
Rampage
then rose and brought down her hooves in a flashing storm of blowsto
the hellhound’s neck and skull till something cracked inside.
"blows to"
As
Deus’ treads rumbled along the road through the village, I looked out
at all the faces gazing on and gave the smallest smile and little wave
back.
Scotch Tape asked curiously as she
lounged on the top of Deus’ turret.
Then the lot of us were painted by Deus’s headlights.
Deus’s engine roared as his treads clawed at the asphalt, slowly pulling himself out from under the slab.
Deus’s engine gave a guttering laugh as the rips and tears slowly started to repair themselves.
Deus’ left cannon roared and blasted a shell right at the zebra.
Deus’s treads tore at the ground, backing up furiously, as the Legate impacted just feet from the front of the war machine.
I shouted, and one of Deus’s machine guns opened up, spraying bullets into the dragon-skull-covered face.
Deus’s: you also used Deus' earlier. Possible ctrl + f for consistency.
*Machine
guns chattered as they chewed into the hellhounds trying to climb out
of their holes as he lead the way, Boo, Rampage, and myself following in
his wake.
Their crackling, sizzling weapons fired wildly, and the two beasts inexplicably dusted each other!
I
don't think "inexplicably" is the word you're looking for here; the
dusting was explained earlier in the sentence. Unexpectdly,
accidentally, inadvertently, or other adverbs might work better.
*Fancy Buck cake. [check if "cake" is capitalized]
Just try to find an frequency in the P band and…
"a frequency"
a cluster of buildings, one of whichh had several large dishes pointed up at the sky.
"which"
The persistent cloudbank surrounding them was another strong indication of something pegasus-related.
"cloud bank"--it looks like "cloudbank" is largely used used as a name or title.
The swamp of striped fighters were slowly wearing down the beasts.
"was slowly"
*Okay... I’d take it and ponder [it?]sometime I wasn’t fighting for my life.
*If you can break the pegasi control over the beasts, we will be able to drive them off.
*"pegusus" or "pegasi's", but it's dialog anyway, so I don't know if it's really a problem anyway.
The
red bars didn’t give me much encouragement, but three times we evaded
hellhound and pegasi patrollers, once by all of us hiding in large empty
crates scattered along the halls.
"pegasus patrollers"
With EFS and the Hellhound’s senses, we should have run into far more trouble!
"hellhounds'"--not capitalized, apostrophe after the s.
I lost count of the Hellhounds.
“Which one do you think is controlling the Hellhounds?”
Then
a klaxon sounded, and at the alarm both Hellhounds and Enclave soldiers
drained from the room, leaving the techs working more frantically than
before.
The Hellhounds stopped short of us, clutching their heads with screams.
Two more Hellhounds immediately began blasting into the air, forcing Twister and Boomer and Lacunae to evade their red blasts.
"hellhounds"
Scotch Tape said tersely as she glanced down at the agitated pegasi technicians below.
"pegasus technicians"
One had a hellhound clinging to its side and struggling to rip its way to the pegasi fliers.
"pegasus flier".
Then again, he’d always looked good… not flyer-good, but still…
On
the office’s wall I saw a map, pictures of pegasi wearing strange blue
and yellow uniforms, photographs of the rainbow-maned flyer sitting on a
rock with other ponies and grinning while behind them a colossal
factory burned.
You mostly use "flier", not "flyer", I think.
In
a moment it became clear that they were aiming just for myself and
P-21; apparently pegasi were off their menu while under the helmets’
influence.
"just for me and P-21"
The round send him
sliding backwards as sparks flew from around his forelegs, but when he
came to a stop, the smoking shell rested between them.
"sent him sliding"
- Overall
Thoughts: - I loved this chapter. The Psalm dream was, as I said,
excellent. The action was very engaging, and managed to feel like real
threats despite everything. I thought that the bridge scene was
touching, and it should set up good interactions with Lacunae. The
Legate seems intriguing, if the way the fight ended was sort of cliched.
I can unreservedly say that I haven't enjoyed a chapter this
much in a while, and I love this story greatly. You really knocked it
out of the park on action, while drawing several plot lines together and
keeping the feeling that the plot is really advancing rapidly now,
while doing excellent (and touching) world and character building with
Psalm, and the interaction between the party members following the
execution. Though I do wonder if perhaps Lacunae was lying about her
part--or if maybe she was telling the truth, but only from a certain
point of view.
Sorry I can't be more in-depth, but maybe I can get more in tomorrow.
Somber, brushers, you really put out something great this time--even compared to your normal high level of quality. Thank you.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:07 am
As always, my most sincere thanks to Somber and the editing team.
In all, I thought it was a good chapter. I'll try my best to get the full commentary done soon, but it may be more delayed than usual.
In all, I thought it was a good chapter. I'll try my best to get the full commentary done soon, but it may be more delayed than usual.
- Initial thoughts:
- - I really wish I could make a gif of Scotch Tape throwing things for Boo to catch...
- The dream with Echo was incredibly chilling. I didn't realize where it was until Blackjack mentioned it... So right up until the end I thought they were going to heal Big Mac, and everything would be okay... It was pretty powerful.
- Lacunae gets 3 badass points.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Sindri Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:11 am
So, you remember that old theory, where the quality of a chapter is inversely proportional to the word Somber uses to describe it before release?
She called this "horribad."
I think the theory is confirmed.
This chapter is magnificent and I only hesitate to call it the best thing I have read because my memory of previous chapters has fuzzed with time.
She called this "horribad."
I think the theory is confirmed.
This chapter is magnificent and I only hesitate to call it the best thing I have read because my memory of previous chapters has fuzzed with time.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Cptadder Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:16 am
Dang it chapter gets released when I'm off. Reactions up later when I get a chance to read it this afternoon.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:44 am
Oh yes, I forgot one thing... coming into reading this chapter, I had this terrible feeling a major character was going to die...
- Spoiler:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Boo_1811](https://i.servimg.com/u/f75/17/59/16/85/boo_1811.png)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Sindri Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:48 am
Yes, but then Boo displayed her true power. And Scotch displayed a pipe wrench.WavemasterRyx wrote:Oh yes, I forgot one thing... coming into reading this chapter, I had this terrible feeling a major character was going to die...
- Spoiler:
Come to think of it, only two significant characters died that I can recall... And I don't think one of them even had a name? Unless you count memories of course.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kippershy Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:34 am
Damn it Somber. Okay, i'll not do writing as soon as I geet gome like i'd planned but instead do a write as I read review for you, to make up for the fact I haven't done that for the last two or three chapters.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Quotidian Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:45 am
FFFFFFFF-
New chapter comes out and I have to go to school! Damn you higher education!
Still, something to look forward to later.
New chapter comes out and I have to go to school! Damn you higher education!
Still, something to look forward to later.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Sindri Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:51 am
No time off for Washington's birthday?Quotidian wrote:FFFFFFFF-
New chapter comes out and I have to go to school! Damn you higher education!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Feb 18, 2013 11:03 am
jacky2734 wrote:O. Hinds wrote:
Okay Hinds, I know this is probably an old subject, but I really think you need to find a different image for the Somber Signal. Every time I see that, the first thing I think is "Anime Turd".
Ah, thank you. I've not capitalized "moon", though; "Moon" would be appropriate only in the particular case where a culture uses that as the name, while "moon" is generally correct.Icy Shake wrote:Well, there went my chance of going to bed at a responsible time tonight. Here goes . . .
(Sorry for the terrible formatting, by the way.)
- Running Commentary:
Great, now I have to wonder what it is. Setup for later?
Bisexuality: double your options, double your fun!
Courtesy of the Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company.
I must have looked ridiculous; my reinforcements made wearing normal barding impractical, so some of Sky Striker’s plates had been duct taped and wonderglued to my augmented limbs to cover the gaps.
Thank the Goddesses she doesn't have fur on them anymore. Ouch!
“You gave them hope, Blackjack.”
Sad that, basically, that's what she always wanted to do, and couldn't recognize it. But it fits in more ways than one.
“That look like you’re trying to think and arriving at all the wrong conclusions. Relax, Blackjack. I’m sure that we’ll be attacked sooner or later. Don’t stress yourself till then.”
That's actually pretty similar to what I was thinking at the time (minus the "attacked" part).
“Or whine more quietly,”
Wasn't she whining silently before? He's the one who made it verbal.
It was clear that while Vanity might have the officer’s crest, Big Macintosh was in charge.
Not quite the same, but I couldn't help but think of two of the seventy maxims of maximally effictive mercenaries (slightly edited):
2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.
3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody [even Big Macintosh].
. . .
I swear, Psalm's dream-memories are often some of the best parts of the chapters they appear in; both this one and the orphanage memory were, in addition to great segments of the novel, probably excellent short stories in their own right (though it's hard to say for sure, given I have the added context of the rest).
Everywhere I looked were bones and skulls sticking out of the earth as if the remains struggled to keep fighting each other.
Possibility to flashback to Boneyard?
And Security’s legs are white, not black. Or so I heard.
Wow, we actually have someone paying attention.
The round ripped right between his eyes and sprayed his brains across the crumbled asphalt.
No…
I stared at his limp body. That… that hadn’t happened. Couldn’t… never… Then I heard the most gentle whisper through my mind.
‘Forgive me, Luna, for I have taken the life of another.’
Holy fucking shit.
We’re moving so slowly it makes me want to scream.
It's always nice to see or be reminded a bit of how being RD is _directly_ affecting her.
How much of the conversation with Dealer was verbal/did the others hear? I guess it doesn't matter too much since she goes right to talk to Glory, but the Lacunae part is telepathic, right?
“Always with the running thing,” he muttered.
P-21, you're great.
I’ll fly a hundred yards north, Sunset can fly a hundred yards south, and we’ll triangulate on the transmission source.
Ah, Glory, dumbing things down for the, um, dumb pony(ies?).
“What the heck is happening?” Scotch Tape asked, standing on my back and shielding her eyes as if that would allow her to peer through the mist.
Good to see she wasn't concussed too badly.
“I’m not the maiden of anything! I’m not even a maiden! There’s certain criteria a mare has to meet in order to be considered a maiden, and I blew that when I was your age,”
Blackjack, keeping it classy.
“Let... let me try,” Glory said as she stepped up to the field and touched it with a wing. The feather passed right through like it was water. She passed right through, and once she was on the far side, the magic field dropped, leaving a ring of deactivated gems.
Well, I guess it was Army. But this still seems weird . . . Or I guess it's nothing.
And that was true. There were empty Sparkle Cola and Buckweiser bottles on the desk and empty potato chip bags in the trash.
Nice; I don't think I've seen Buckweiser before.
The power-armored pegasus launched herself into the air, carrying my love with her.
So now you do love her. See, it's best if you just feel it, and try not to think about it; you aren't too good at the thinking thing.
Twilight always knew that Rainbow Dash would do what was right, eventually.
And now we have proof that RD was American (was there ever any doubt?).
The shot of Dash that Rampage administered had Glory awake and practically bouncing on her hooves.
Yo, dawg . . .
- Editing Matters:
So, the stuff prefaced by * I'm less sure
of, or less certain on relevance, but sadly I just need to get this out
and get to sleep.
It’s a more annoying time than anything.
Was
this meant to say it's the most annoying time, or that it's just an
annoying time, but not a real problem given that she has the implant
(more an annoying time than anything)?
It’s not like I’m attracted to him in any way shape or form.
Should be comma-delineated as any other list.
*She
might have looked like Rainbow Dash, even had her athleticism, but she
was still not far removed from the timid mare I’d discovered beneath
that terminal.
*even having her athleticism
*she even had her athleticism
From the other side of the valley thundered rams horns,
The CMS suggests "ram's horns" for this plural.
From over the radio connection with Big Macintosh, I heard the envoys greet each other with Cheddar providing translations.
Translation is more textual in nature; I think this would be interpretation.
On
"third battalion": I believe this would be treated as a proper noun,
and thus capitalized--e.g. “Where is the Third Battalion?” or "If they
managed to get her, they could flee back to zebra territory if the Third
wasn’t in position to stop them as planned."
Apparently, everypony expected a duel to the death atop Mt.Hoof, that big granite knot at the south end of the Core.
Need space between "Mt." and "Hoof".
Somehow,
Celestia banished her sister to the moon instead and scattered
Nightmare moon’s batpony forces back to her hidden citadel.”
"Moon" needs capitalization.
Then there was a pause and the whine of an magical energy weapon being primed right beneath my head.
"a magical energy weapon"
*Every
one of the hellhounds wore a bizarre smooth helmet that seemed out of
place from their crude weaponry and claw-cut and hammered armor.
*"out of place among" or "-with"
Boo, staring wide-eyed at the walls, still appeared s scared as before
Get rid of the "s", and needs a period.
*Two
dropped to one knee behind a chunk of rubble and sprayed the skies with
a hissing, crackling gatling variety of beaminess while the other two
lunged for myself and Rampage.
*"me" rather than "myself", also perhaps "Rampage and me" rather than BJ first.
Rampage
then rose and brought down her hooves in a flashing storm of blowsto
the hellhound’s neck and skull till something cracked inside.
"blows to"
As
Deus’ treads rumbled along the road through the village, I looked out
at all the faces gazing on and gave the smallest smile and little wave
back.
Scotch Tape asked curiously as she
lounged on the top of Deus’ turret.
Then the lot of us were painted by Deus’s headlights.
Deus’s engine roared as his treads clawed at the asphalt, slowly pulling himself out from under the slab.
Deus’s engine gave a guttering laugh as the rips and tears slowly started to repair themselves.
Deus’ left cannon roared and blasted a shell right at the zebra.
Deus’s treads tore at the ground, backing up furiously, as the Legate impacted just feet from the front of the war machine.
I shouted, and one of Deus’s machine guns opened up, spraying bullets into the dragon-skull-covered face.
Deus’s: you also used Deus' earlier. Possible ctrl + f for consistency.
*Machine
guns chattered as they chewed into the hellhounds trying to climb out
of their holes as he lead the way, Boo, Rampage, and myself following in
his wake.
Their crackling, sizzling weapons fired wildly, and the two beasts inexplicably dusted each other!
I
don't think "inexplicably" is the word you're looking for here; the
dusting was explained earlier in the sentence. Unexpectdly,
accidentally, inadvertently, or other adverbs might work better.
*Fancy Buck cake. [check if "cake" is capitalized]
Just try to find an frequency in the P band and…
"a frequency"
a cluster of buildings, one of whichh had several large dishes pointed up at the sky.
"which"
The persistent cloudbank surrounding them was another strong indication of something pegasus-related.
"cloud bank"--it looks like "cloudbank" is largely used used as a name or title.
The swamp of striped fighters were slowly wearing down the beasts.
"was slowly"
*Okay... I’d take it and ponder [it?]sometime I wasn’t fighting for my life.
*If you can break the pegasi control over the beasts, we will be able to drive them off.
*"pegusus" or "pegasi's", but it's dialog anyway, so I don't know if it's really a problem anyway.
The
red bars didn’t give me much encouragement, but three times we evaded
hellhound and pegasi patrollers, once by all of us hiding in large empty
crates scattered along the halls.
"pegasus patrollers"
With EFS and the Hellhound’s senses, we should have run into far more trouble!
"hellhounds'"--not capitalized, apostrophe after the s.
I lost count of the Hellhounds.
“Which one do you think is controlling the Hellhounds?”
Then
a klaxon sounded, and at the alarm both Hellhounds and Enclave soldiers
drained from the room, leaving the techs working more frantically than
before.
The Hellhounds stopped short of us, clutching their heads with screams.
Two more Hellhounds immediately began blasting into the air, forcing Twister and Boomer and Lacunae to evade their red blasts.
"hellhounds"
Scotch Tape said tersely as she glanced down at the agitated pegasi technicians below.
"pegasus technicians"
One had a hellhound clinging to its side and struggling to rip its way to the pegasi fliers.
"pegasus flier".
Then again, he’d always looked good… not flyer-good, but still…
On
the office’s wall I saw a map, pictures of pegasi wearing strange blue
and yellow uniforms, photographs of the rainbow-maned flyer sitting on a
rock with other ponies and grinning while behind them a colossal
factory burned.
You mostly use "flier", not "flyer", I think.
In
a moment it became clear that they were aiming just for myself and
P-21; apparently pegasi were off their menu while under the helmets’
influence.
"just for me and P-21"
The round send him
sliding backwards as sparks flew from around his forelegs, but when he
came to a stop, the smoking shell rested between them.
"sent him sliding"
- Overall
Thoughts:
excellent. The action was very engaging, and managed to feel like real
threats despite everything. I thought that the bridge scene was
touching, and it should set up good interactions with Lacunae. The
Legate seems intriguing, if the way the fight ended was sort of cliched.
I can unreservedly say that I haven't enjoyed a chapter this
much in a while, and I love this story greatly. You really knocked it
out of the park on action, while drawing several plot lines together and
keeping the feeling that the plot is really advancing rapidly now,
while doing excellent (and touching) world and character building with
Psalm, and the interaction between the party members following the
execution. Though I do wonder if perhaps Lacunae was lying about her
part--or if maybe she was telling the truth, but only from a certain
point of view.
Sorry I can't be more in-depth, but maybe I can get more in tomorrow.
Somber, brushers, you really put out something great this time--even compared to your normal high level of quality. Thank you.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Feb 18, 2013 11:03 am
Not at my institution either.Sindri wrote:No time off for Washington's birthday?Quotidian wrote:FFFFFFFF-
New chapter comes out and I have to go to school! Damn you higher education!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:28 pm
O. Hinds wrote:Not at my institution either.Sindri wrote:No time off for Washington's birthday?Quotidian wrote:FFFFFFFF-
New chapter comes out and I have to go to school! Damn you higher education!
I work for the government and don't have class on Mondays, so needless to say I was up until 3AM last night.
You guys have served up some great work yet again. Thank you!
- Spoiler:
- 1. Deustank is awesome.
2. BJ would be ridiculously lost at this point without P-21 and sometimes I don't think she quite realizes the extent of this- or maybe I just didn't realize it until now. He hasn't ever been my favorite character but I really like the way he's developed in the last few chapters.
3. Personally I guessed Psalm killed Big Mac a LONG time ago, so I wasn't particularly surprised by that reveal.
4. I know BJ isn't convinced, but it seems pretty likely to me that Lacunae did pull the trigger for her, one way or another. She seems a little...off here, but I'm not sure if that might just be because I read this at 2AM.
5. Okay, so what the heck is Boo's luck set at? Or maybe her perception is through the roof? Both? I don't remember her being this much of a good luck charm. For that matter, what is BJ's luck after this new perk? I think she broke it. Again.
Awesome.
6. Stop listening to the bad guys, BJ. Clearly the next time you meet you'll have an alicorn army or something.
7. And of course...suck it, Lancer.
This was honestly the first chapter that gave me the distinct impression that everything is coming together.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Quotidian Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:07 pm
One more class, then I go home, then CHAPTER.O. Hinds wrote:Not at my institution either.Sindri wrote:No time off for Washington's birthday?Quotidian wrote:FFFFFFFF-
New chapter comes out and I have to go to school! Damn you higher education!
Also, bet you guys didn't know this, but apparently I live in Hoofington. Snapped this on my morning commute: (Shitty cell phone camera is shitty.)
- Spoiler:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 14 Img_2011](https://i.servimg.com/u/f74/17/66/92/91/img_2011.jpg)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:00 pm
Thanks very much for the comments. I was very nervous about the Psalm dream and had concerns it would be one more instance of PH being 'revisionist sue fic'. That's the last thing I wanted.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Kippershy Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:24 pm
In that case, when my review comes out you might want to skip it.
I've not ripped into the combat or anything like that - nor do I mind that you've taken it from a blank to something else.
I just have something to say that may annoy you.
Anyway, still reading. I'll post review when I can. Was late home so late starting because I was round my brother's wife's parent's place having a cuppa tea.
I've not ripped into the combat or anything like that - nor do I mind that you've taken it from a blank to something else.
I just have something to say that may annoy you.
Anyway, still reading. I'll post review when I can. Was late home so late starting because I was round my brother's wife's parent's place having a cuppa tea.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Ketchup Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:33 pm
Hmm.
Something seems to have changed about how the story reads recently. It feels different. Blackjack is definitely changing, and so is the story. The pacing is changing, too.
Something seems to have changed about how the story reads recently. It feels different. Blackjack is definitely changing, and so is the story. The pacing is changing, too.
- Spoiler:
- My overall thoughts on the chapter would be summed up as resolving and revealing. Psalm definitely killed Big Mac, she went into the OIA for that. More juicy Star Maiden stuff. Boo being... Boo. Clink, defying Blackjack's assertion that she isn't an executioner. Cheddar's fate. Doof being cooperative, and bold. The 'heat' discussion seemed kinda pointless, really. Lancer being a failure. All in all, not a waste of time to read, as is usual.
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