Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains

[Kippershy]

Can't wait!

[CamoBadger]

Brushing now, should be ready in 30min - 1 hour.

[RoboRed]

[CamoBadger]

New chapter is up here, and I'm adding it on FiMFic right now.

I hope it's up to snuff, and that you all enjoy it.

[Kippershy]

<3

[Frost]

Alright, so now let's see what we've got here....

First off, I like that Shayle is getting some combat experience under her belt. I wouldn't expect her to turn into the Wasteland's ultimate badass overnight, but it's nice to see her being... well, not helpless.

And now, with her doing her first pre-emptive kill--popping the murder cherry, so to speak--we get down into the good stuff. Will she be able to hold onto her values, and stay on the straight-and-narrow even while she finds herself dragged into a war, or will she become another merciless killer like the Scorpions? I anticipate reading our answer.

This chapter was excellent, Camo

[CamoBadger]

Thank you Frost, I'm glad you enjoyed it

[Ketchup]

A reading thought-log:

Spoiler:

Overall, I don't see anything wrong with this chapter. No typos, nothing bad in content. A good chapter.

[O. Hinds]

Well, I've just finished the chapter, and, apart from widespread mechanical errors (which I don't have time to fully document and suggest fixes to, sorry) and one potential serious fault with frankly has me quite baffled, it seemed good. I'm not really sure what you were worried about.

Spoiler:

[CamoBadger]

Yeah, I had a few areas where I rewrote a sentence several times because I couldn't figure out how to word it properly or couldn't find a way I liked it worded. I'll look back over that part and re-word it to make it flow better. I probably should have brushed better though.
Don't worry about making detailed fixes, I appreciate the help with this stuff because it's not truly a strong suit for me.

The 'they' is deliberate, you'll see what he meant later on.


And on to the serious fault you pointed out:
I completely and totally forgot that part even existed in FoE
It's probably because I haven't read the story in almost a year now, but for some reason I got it stuck in my head that pegasi were the only ones able to operate flying machines of any kind. Maybe it's because I mentally picture sky tanks and vertibucks as rotary wing, but thanks for pointing it out.
I'll go back and work through that portion again and do some clarifying work on it.
As for the gender thing, it's the only thing they knew about her aside from 'she flies the gunship'. If they knew everything about her, I felt it wouldn't make much sense since zebras aren't well liked in Spur, so gathering any intel would be dangerous and difficult. Later you'll learn that the only reason they knew it was a mare flying it was through rumors.

Again, thanks Hinds.

[O. Hinds]

Yeah, I had a few areas where I rewrote a sentence several times because I couldn't figure out how to word it properly or couldn't find a way I liked it worded. I'll look back over that part and re-word it to make it flow better. I probably should have brushed better though.
Don't worry about making detailed fixes, I appreciate the help with this stuff because it's not truly a strong suit for me.

The 'they' is deliberate, you'll see what he meant later on.


And on to the serious fault you pointed out:
I completely and totally forgot that part even existed in FoE
It's probably because I haven't read the story in almost a year now, but for some reason I got it stuck in my head that pegasi were the only ones able to operate flying machines of any kind. Maybe it's because I mentally picture sky tanks and vertibucks as rotary wing, but thanks for pointing it out.
I'll go back and work through that portion again and do some clarifying work on it.
As for the gender thing, it's the only thing they knew about her aside from 'she flies the gunship'. If they knew everything about her, I felt it wouldn't make much sense since zebras aren't well liked in Spur, so gathering any intel would be dangerous and difficult. Later you'll learn that the only reason they knew it was a mare flying it was through rumors.

Again, thanks Hinds.

You're welcome, and I'm glad that I was able to be of assistance (and get these things cleared up). One thing, though: when we spoke on this before, didn't you say that Spur's rotorcraft was a griffinchaser fitted with weapons, an enclosed cockpit, and a motor?

[O. Hinds]

Ooh, and I'm also now wondering what Spur's power source is; it must be something more reliable than scavenged spark batteries if they send the rotorcraft out on patrols... Perhaps the town is using a Stable's reactor?

[Frost]

I'm no engineer, but with a good bit of know-how, parts (or salvaged/improvised stuff) aren't there myriad ways of providing energy? I think i read an article a few years back in Popular Mechanics or something which told about people building geothermal generators in their backyards.

[Kippershy]

Posted both here & fimfic. I really did love this chapter and knew it'd be amazing as always. You really don't have any reason to worry.

Spoiler:

[O. Hinds]

I'm no engineer, but with a good bit of know-how, parts (or salvaged/improvised stuff) aren't there myriad ways of providing energy? I think i read an article a few years back in Popular Mechanics or something which told about people building geothermal generators in their backyards.

Oh, certainly there are, but when was the last time you heard of ponies in the Equestrian Wasteland trying to build their own power supplies instead of just tapping into pre-apocalypse stuff? Except for Red Eye, of course.

[Kippershy]

I'm no engineer, but with a good bit of know-how, parts (or salvaged/improvised stuff) aren't there myriad ways of providing energy? I think i read an article a few years back in Popular Mechanics or something which told about people building geothermal generators in their backyards.

Oh, certainly there are, but when was the last time you heard of ponies in the Equestrian Wasteland trying to build their own power supplies instead of just tapping into pre-apocalypse stuff? Except for Red Eye, of course.

Here's a counter argument for that:

They have a rotorcraft with a L/HMG attached. They have a fairly well defended area and the resources required to patrol it.
What's to say its not some pre-war airbase or something like that, which would have its own power supply / generator by default?

[O. Hinds]

@Kippershy:

Spoiler:

[O. Hinds]

I'm no engineer, but with a good bit of know-how, parts (or salvaged/improvised stuff) aren't there myriad ways of providing energy? I think i read an article a few years back in Popular Mechanics or something which told about people building geothermal generators in their backyards.

Oh, certainly there are, but when was the last time you heard of ponies in the Equestrian Wasteland trying to build their own power supplies instead of just tapping into pre-apocalypse stuff? Except for Red Eye, of course.

Here's a counter argument for that:

They have a rotorcraft with a L/HMG attached. They have a fairly well defended area and the resources required to patrol it.
What's to say its not some pre-war airbase or something like that, which would have its own power supply / generator by default?

Well, that's still pre-apocalypse and thus not a counterargument for that in particular, but it is and interesting contribution to the original discussion, and a possibility that I hadn't thought of. Thanks (and thank you for promoting ATR)!

[Kippershy]

Hey, it deserves it. It really does.
I'm most proud of being able to win him a life-long feature in one of the groups over on Fimfic,, but yeah, I promote it elsewhere too because for the quality of his writing, he does deserve more attention.

His characters are genuine and his story interesting. There's no reason why I shouldn't.


Also, you make a point and yeah, bad choice of words in my last post but still, it's a possibility.

[O. Hinds]

Also, you make a point and yeah, bad choice of words in my last post but still, it's a possibility.

And an interesting possibility. It would also fit for Equestria to have an airbase there, I think.

[CamoBadger]

You're welcome, and I'm glad that I was able to be of assistance (and get these things cleared up). One thing, though: when we spoke on this before, didn't you say that Spur's rotorcraft was a griffinchaser fitted with weapons, an enclosed cockpit, and a motor?

I believe I did, and I clarified it. I was going for them assuming it was a pegasus, because getting actual intel on a pilot would be difficult considering zebras not being welcome near Spur.
New line:
“We're making the assumption that she is,” she explained. "Pegasi have a tendency to be adept pilots, at least in the past, so that's what I went with when we were told to kill her. Hopefully I'm not wrong.”


@Kipper:
I apologize about the dream sequence being a bit ridiculous. It is supposed to be the 'what I could become' kind of thing for Shayle, and I think I went a bit too far with it, so I apologize.

I'm glad you enjoyed it overall though, and that you continue to promote this for me. I've been thinking about promoting it more myself, but I just worry that it doesn't deserve so much attention. Still thanks.


And thanks to all of you for the reviews and the discussions on it. I honestly never expected this kind of response to my writing (especially not something like "why doesn't Solus have stripes?"), and it's awesome to see. You guys are awesome!

[Frost]

My thinking for Solus was that he was a zebra, but it was a quirk of genetics/defect that left him with no stripes--maybe albinism, maybe something else. In any case, the stigma he recieved for being stripless pushed him to prove himself and his loyalty to the Remant, up to and including taking on Rangers by himself, which landed him in the Scorpions.

It also occurs to me that, despite their reputation, the Scorpions are actually rather poor at assassination/spying/infiltration. They were going in hot based on rumors and hearsay to take out a target based on a hunch, not even sure if their target was or was not going to be in a giant gunship, for which they only brought one rocket, and half of their (already tiny) team. I'm no expert, but one would expect days of watching, waiting and stalking, with long-range scopes and cloaking, trying to determine everything they could, verify their targets, and take out all the HVT's they could, not just the pilot. I have no doubt, of course, that this is intentional on Camo's part--they aren't assassins, they aren't even soldiers, they're a gaggle of psychos with neat toys.

[Kippershy]

Don't fret it on the dream. That's just me being picky after dream sequences came up not all that long ago in a /mlp/ FOE thread.
It is completely possible for your dream to have happened the way it did with such detail, though it's a personal preference of mine that dreams are cryptic and fuzzy.
You might know some things without knowing why (which you did put in) though in my own preference, you wouldn't know the backstory to everything.
You just know why or what, even if you don't know why you would know why.

"I have seers rifle because she's dead, it's mine now" is as far as I would have gone on that aspect.
Otherwise, perfectly fine when I think about the rest.

[O. Hinds]

You're welcome, and I'm glad that I was able to be of assistance (and get these things cleared up). One thing, though: when we spoke on this before, didn't you say that Spur's rotorcraft was a griffinchaser fitted with weapons, an enclosed cockpit, and a motor?

I believe I did, and I clarified it. I was going for them assuming it was a pegasus, because getting actual intel on a pilot would be difficult considering zebras not being welcome near Spur.
New line:
“We're making the assumption that she is,” she explained. "Pegasi have a tendency to be adept pilots, at least in the past, so that's what I went with when we were told to kill her. Hopefully I'm not wrong.”

Ehh... Sorry, but that reasoning just doesn't hold water for me. They assume, despite the rarity of pegasi in the Wasteland and the fact that, historically (as far as we know), rotorcraft have been piloted almost entirely by non-pegasi, the pilot is a pegasus because she's a pilot? Also, given how much recon could be done by just one operative with a mistcloak, I'm still a bit skeptical that the Remnant would have discovered the gender of the pilot but not her race.

[O. Hinds]

Is it important for some reasons that they assume but don't know that the pilot is a pegasus?

[CamoBadger]

Is it important for some reasons that they assume but don't know that the pilot is a pegasus?

Yes. It's going to end up being a problem for them later on. (trying not to spoil anything, sorry for lack of detail in some of my posts.)

[Kippershy]

Without any spoilers, right now there's not a great deal it's about as such... it's a slice of life mild adventure story that is growing into a true adventure.
I mean, yes there's action in it quite often but it's not had a obvious over-arching plotline yet, though it has been hinting to one coming up more and more as of late.

It follows a pair of zebras who leave the safety of their home and travel the wastes. They're only young, 12 and 18, though that makes it interesting and it allows for naturally learning about the wastes.
I can't say why on anything because spoilers, but it's something you learn in chapter one / two, depending on when you want to be specific.

It's an amazing story, really. The characters are top notch, the writing quality high and the premise is interesting. I never can stop recommending it because it's never enough.

Like I said to Camo with this latest chapter release, I look forward to releases of this more than I do PH now.

[O. Hinds]

Is it important for some reasons that they assume but don't know that the pilot is a pegasus?

Yes. It's going to end up being a problem for them later on. (trying not to spoil anything, sorry for lack of detail in some of my posts.)

Hm... Perhaps they overheard "she's a natural flier" or somesuch thing? I'm currently dealing with this using a headcanon-discontinuity (ie, pretending that it didn't actually happen), which doesn't work if the thing that I'm pretending didn't happen is a key component of the story.

[Kippershy]

...well, no one ever recommended it anywhere I could see, kipper. Clearly you CAN stop recommending it.

Something something I'll find some time.

Nowhere you have noticed, to be precise.
Maybe it's just me, but I'm constantly promoting it. Just not on this forum because there's not generally a need on the forum.

[CamoBadger]

Is it important for some reasons that they assume but don't know that the pilot is a pegasus?

Yes. It's going to end up being a problem for them later on. (trying not to spoil anything, sorry for lack of detail in some of my posts.)

Hm... Perhaps they overheard "she's a natural flier" or somesuch thing? I'm currently dealing with this using a headcanon-discontinuity (ie, pretending that it didn't actually happen), which doesn't work if the thing that I'm pretending didn't happen is a key component of the story.

I'm sorry about that. And it's not that it's majorly important, it will just show up again later. Again, sorry.

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