Re: Fallout Equestria: All That Remains

[Frost]

I've taken another crack at giving it a read-through. Now, I'm about mid-way through Chapter 3. We've already seen Felix use his books as weapons, so I'm waiting for Shayle to use her origami. Like make a paper sword and paper armor and go all Paper Caesar Style on them bitches

[CamoBadger]

Lol, that's one of the best things I've heard in a long time.

[Frost]

And now I'm caught up completely.

I'll admit I have no experience dealing with rape victims, but I think Shayle could would earn a lot less irritation from Seer and Charmer if she at least explained that she never even got to go to school.

[Ketchup]

Just finished the latest chapter. I was angrier than usual, so I decided to do something relaxing, and it worked swell.

I wasn't taking any notes or anything, sorry bout that. The only thoughts that I remember coming up with specifically were that it would be funny if Shayle's father ended up coming back, Darth Vader style, and anticipation of seeing the interactions between Xion and his squad, Seer, and big butt. And, where ever Minx went.

[Frost]

Just finished the latest chapter. I was angrier than usual, so I decided to do something relaxing, and it worked swell.

I wasn't taking any notes or anything, sorry bout that. The only thoughts that I remember coming up with specifically were that it would be funny if Shayle's father ended up coming back, Darth Vader style, and anticipation of seeing the interactions between Xion and his squad, Seer, and big butt. And, where ever Minx went.

She has Black Widow. It wouldn't surprise me if she seduced Xion and killed him in his barracks. But, given her current moral confusion and internal conflicts, it also wouldn't surprise me if she was going to, then backed out. Or if Xion tries to rape her and she kicks him in the balls.

*Crazy Mode Activate* and then goes for a counter-rape, then eliminates the rest of the Scorpions with the aforementioned Paper Caesar Style, including dealing with Minx by the classic way to eliminate an invisible opponent-- blindfolds herself and lets instinct guide her.

[Ketchup]

She has Black Widow. It wouldn't surprise me if she seduced Xion and killed him in his barracks. But, given her current moral confusion and internal conflicts, it also wouldn't surprise me if she was going to, then backed out. Or if Xion tries to rape her and she kicks him in the balls.

I find this highly unlikely. Xion probably wouldn't be swayed, and I doubt that Shayle would try for it.

[Frost]

She has Black Widow. It wouldn't surprise me if she seduced Xion and killed him in his barracks. But, given her current moral confusion and internal conflicts, it also wouldn't surprise me if she was going to, then backed out. Or if Xion tries to rape her and she kicks him in the balls.

I find this highly unlikely. Xion probably wouldn't be swayed, and I doubt that Shayle would try for it.

He seemed pretty eager to jump on Seer with a Rottwood outside the door, so he's probably a bit eager overall. Shayle is quickly developing a thicker skin towards lying, killing and doing Wastelandy things in general, while also quickly discovering what her limits are. I'm not saying it wouldn't cause her great stress and even remorse, I just wouldn't be surprised or find it out of character if she did do so. Or maybe I'm just way off base as far as her character's concerned

[Ketchup]

He seemed pretty eager to jump on Seer with a Rottwood outside the door, so he's probably a bit eager overall. Shayle is quickly developing a thicker skin towards lying, killing and doing Wastelandy things in general, while also quickly discovering what her limits are. I'm not saying it wouldn't cause her great stress and even remorse, I just wouldn't be surprised or find it out of character if she did do so. Or maybe I'm just way off base as far as her character's concerned

Xion wanted to have sex with Seer beforehand for propagating the name of the Scorpions, so that doesn't really count very much for that.
I find the possibility of her doing what you proposed as something that isn't plausible. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person to do so.

[Frost]

Well, at this point not even she knows what kind of person she is, so it's kind of up in the air. In any case, it doesn't seem like we're going to change each others' mind soon, so we'll likely just have to agree to disagree until Camo decides to come down off of his mighty Dead Space/Work/National Guard Stuff throne and give some insight on the situation

[CamoBadger]

First off, thanks a lot for reading guys, and I'm glad you liked it.

As for Shayle trying to seduce Xion, I regret to inform you that it isn't going to happen. If she was going to do anything to him, she'll kill him, but not sleep with him.
Remember when Iredi just asked to have sex with her and she refused, not even trying to force himself on her? Yeah, she's not a fan of the act in any way.
Sorry, Shayle isn't the Courier and Xion isn't Benny

[Kippershy]

Sorry I didn't comment here, was feeling ill and not in the mood to post in two different places.
I commented on FIMfic, as I suppose you'd have seen however.


It's a good thing you don't have any plans for Shayle to seduce Xion. I'd go fucking ballistic with you if you pulled that shit on us. You know my POV and you agreed I was right - so I'm glad you've reinforced yourself and said no to that.


The one thing that does make me wonder though - do you have some bigger plan for this story? I mean, it's enjoyable and all that and it isn't an issue, but I find myself curious as to what's going to happen storyline wise. I suppose there's going to be something to do with New Oatleans, as only further reinforced last chapter - but there's been no real hints of a bigger scheme.

To further explain myself, Broken Bonds is about finding a water talsiman as the grand scheme with the revolution being a major plot and CrimsonxCherry being the ongoing "background" scheme.

All That Remains doesn't have an obvious grand scheme, Shayle and Felix's daily life seems to be the ongoing scheme but upped to a major plotline level and New Oatleans is currently on the "upcoming major plot" scheme level of things.

Am I right?

[Frost]

I'm sorry, I should have been more clear.

When I said "seduce", I meant luring him to an isolated location under the pretense that teh sexy times are about to happen, then killing him. I don't think Shayle, with her previous traumas, would be willing or able to actually have aforementioned sexy times with Xion

[CamoBadger]

@Kipper:
You're absolutely correct. There will be a 'major plot' coming up that will involve New Oatleans rather soon, so be ready for it.
It's not quite as large and spectacular as Project Horizons or Broken Bonds, but it'll be something.
I have given a few little tiny hints, but honestly you wouldn't even recognize them until shit goes down. Maybe a few readers have, but I don't see it being very obvious.

@Frost:
Shayle isn't that smart
Honestly though, the upcoming chapters may shine more light on what Shayle is and is not willing to do.

[Kippershy]

>large
Hand you that, Broken Bonds' plotline is as large as the original even if not as complex perhaps.
Spectacular however? >.> God dammot.
First you go and say that Crimson and Cherry's relationship is something to compare to and now you say it's spectacular at the same time as mentioning Project Horizons?

What are you trying to do to me? Kill me?

[CamoBadger]

No, because then you couldn't write your story anymore.
Yes, I love your story, it's awesome.

[Kippershy]

<3 and I wub you for telling me these things.

Seriously, I wish I could understand why people liked my story so. I read it and see flaws, I read it and see weakness in my quality. I read it and see fuck-up sand things I'll eventually have to change (even if only slightly) when I get around to my rewrites.

Yet people seem to like it.


And yet, you don't seem to be confused over why we love your story.
WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?!?! LOL

[CamoBadger]

Oh, don't worry, I am. I find it incredibly weird that anyone reads it with how much I fuck with my characters, but I've been verbally nut tapped every time I try to say it, so I just don't.

[Kippershy]

Ahhhh, gotya.
I get people saying that I'm being stupid all the time, but I continue to say it because it's what I continue to believe.
LOL

Also, your story is damn good. The writing style is relaxing, the pace isn't slow like Murky but not EXTREME SPLOZIONS RAWWWWWWR like a Micha-Project Hrozions is and yo don't kill off every character the second you know their name like early Heroes.

The bigger scheme of things is the only thing thus far that has a niggling at the back of my mind, but you just confirmed that you have something planned anyway, so that's not an issue either way.

It's actually quite nice not to have a bigger plan obvious and such straight from the get go. Gives you a much better chance to develop your characters at your own pace and much more in depth than I gave Broken Bonds a chance to do.

So yeah, tis a fun, relaxing read.

[CamoBadger]

Thanks, I'm glad I've got decent pacing on it since that has been a bit of a worry of mine that I've been moving too quickly.

And honestly I never really expected my story to be called relaxing, but thank you

[Frost]

Kipdog, I'd love to say I have read and enjoy Broken Bonds, but the truth is that it's been languishing on my Read Later list for several months and the Squirrels are conspiring to prevent me from reading it.

[Kippershy]

Kipdog, I'd love to say I have read and enjoy Broken Bonds, but the truth is that it's been languishing on my Read Later list for several months and the Squirrels are conspiring to prevent me from reading it.

That's cool dude. Probably for the best right now anyway. I plan to do some revisions in the future, once I've gotten past either this story-arc or the really, really big one. So, yeah. Probably best off waiting around so you can read a higher quality, actually polished version anyway. haha. Though now I feel bad for jammin' up Camo's thread.

Thanks, I'm glad I've got decent pacing on it since
that has been a bit of a worry of mine that I've been moving too
quickly.

And honestly I never really expected my story to be called relaxing, but thank you

Not to say that ATR isn't exciting, it is. However, it just doesn't have all that OIA ministries and fight scenes every 5 seconds that make Project Horizons a much more explosive read. Plus, Horizons being bleaker despite all the things you've done to your characters makes it a different thing too.

ATR is the story that I can happily sit in my comfy slippers and smoking gown along with my pipe and begin to read while Horizons is something I'd be in normal clothes to read... if that makes any sense.

[Frost]

I do deeply enjoy the change in perspective from the bog-standard FoE protagonist (Stable-born gay/bi Unicorn mare)

At this point in most FOE stories, the group would likely meet a "badass" of some sort, likely either a Berzerker or a sniper. Given ATR's streak of being different, I expect something far more unconventional

[Kippershy]

I do deeply enjoy the change in perspective from the bog-standard FoE protagonist (Stable-born gay/bi Unicorn mare)

At this point in most FOE stories, the group would likely meet a "badass" of some sort, likely either a Berzerker or a sniper. Given ATR's streak of being different, I expect something far more unconventional

big guns is already too much of a conventional thing, besides, that, sniper and stealth are already included in the Scorpions.
So, what else is there?

Explosives, unarmed fighter and twitch shooter, I suppose.

[Frost]

Something we've not seen much of in FoE is a gunslinger. Like, the quick-draw trick-shot type guy. That might be interesting to see.

[Ketchup]

For reasons I like ATR, those would include chapters that don't take up too much time to read. Most PH chapters are about 20K, and that takes about 3 hours, with thoughts. A 10-12K chapter only takes 1.5 hours if I'm posting thoughts. The key thing keeping me from reading Murky is the length of individual chapters, as I no longer seem to enjoy marathon reading(2-3 chapters a day, from 4 PM to 9PM-ish, with school) of the type I used to read the original, Pink Eyes, and catch up with PH.

The story itself has unique pacing, and the characters don't waste much time. Nothing seems like a useless endeavor. It's expected with PE, but the original and PH lapse into moments where it seems like they are wasting time. This is rare, and I can't give examples, but I seem to remember it happening.

[Kippershy]

And I for one am guilty of this.

"Oh, I know, lets have Crimson get drunk and play poker... sounds like a good idea."

"Oh, I know, Crimson's stuck in the HQ after getting knocked out. Lets give him a drink or two so he can get close to Eos."

"Oh, I know. We're half way through searching for Titan but I know that I'm about to take Cherry away from him. Let's give them a moment where they break from it all and go to fuck instead... only to be evil and not allow for that."




...Yeah, ATR never pulls these kind've stunts. It's better off for it.

[CamoBadger]

I don't think those first two are useless at all. The first one gave more background on Eos and her sisters and both of them gave good characterization.

Besides, I did the same thing with Seer taking Felix out for drinks

[Kippershy]

>first two

Yup, still leaves the third where I did it just 'for teh lulz'.
Seriously though, going out for drinks felt natural because it gave you a sense of community in the place and gave the pair a chance to meet others instead of simply being told to be shut-ins.

[Ketchup]

I agree with Camo, the first two aren't wasteful. They show extra characterization. The third one, as you said, 'for teh lulz'.

[CamoBadger]

>first two

Yup, still leaves the third where I did it just 'for teh lulz'.
Seriously though, going out for drinks felt natural because it gave you a sense of community in the place and gave the pair a chance to meet others instead of simply being told to be shut-ins.

Well thanks. Honestly I'm just glad that I didn't receive any angry rants from people about having a 12 year old drink.

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