Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sun Jul 13, 2014 9:09 pm
I've had a shitty stuff-your-face-with-ice cream day, but:
Fucking YES! YESYESYESYESYES!
Yes.
- Spoiler:
- "You want me to be an executioner? I’d rather be dead.” I tossed the gun aside and looked away. “Now stop dicking around and bring back Goldenblood.”
Fucking YES! YESYESYESYESYES!
- Spoiler:
- "BANG!"
Yes.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Derpmind Sun Jul 13, 2014 9:39 pm
- Spoiler:
- I'm sure plenty of ponies would find it terrifying but my drunken haze blurred all that away; I thought only one thing: 'Goddesses, he's slow.'
Laughing my face off right about now.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by kingkodus Sun Jul 13, 2014 11:25 pm
Great chapter Somber, as always. That cliffhanger tho... Dammit.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sun Jul 13, 2014 11:32 pm
Sorry King.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:37 am
I've figured out what's wrong, at least somewhat, and all I have to say is: (provisionally) fuck you, Google. It works in Chrome. Based on how widespread the issue is and how long it's been ongoing, I'm not sure they care about fixing it for Firefox or IE. Hopefully I'm just being overly sensitive and mistrustful, but this kind of thing strikes me as anticompetitive. Matter of fact . . .WavemasterRyx wrote:*hugs you and Somber each gently*O. Hinds wrote:And 68 is out!
Well gdocs is still being silly, but I got my copy downloaded, and I am definitely looking forward to reading it tonight.
Not saying it's just the same, but if that's what's going on, it sure rhymes. Granted, Microsoft won the case on appeal, but given the weakness of antitrust law in the US at the moment, I'm not sure how much that really means on the merits.Wikipedia, Microsoft Litigation page wrote:The issue central to the case was whether Microsoft was allowed to bundle its flagship Internet Explorer (IE) web browser software with its Microsoft Windows operating system. Bundling them together is alleged to have been responsible for Microsoft's victory in the browser wars as every Windows user had a copy of Internet Explorer. It was further alleged that this unfairly restricted the market for competing web browsers (such as Netscape Navigator or Opera) that were slow to download over a modem or had to be purchased at a store. Underlying these disputes were questions over whether Microsoft altered or manipulated its application programming interfaces (APIs) to favor Internet Explorer over third party web browsers, Microsoft's conduct in forming restrictive licensing agreements with OEM computer manufacturers, and Microsoft's intent in its course of conduct.
On a more positive note, I enjoyed the chapter greatly. Cliffhanger reminds me of another from a while back, and it feels like things are falling into place. Didn't see the big surprise coming, or expect everyone who showed up. Thank you, Somber and editors, for a great night. I'll have fuller thoughts up tomorrow, I expect.
- Chapter Sixty Eight Running Thoughts:
- From the FimFiction announcement: It's a horrible chapter. You know when you're writing a story and you really want to get from A to B... but then something pops up in between? And then something else. And then something else. And when you're done, you look at the chapter and realize you still having gotten to B, but there's nothing you can take out? Ugh...
NOBODY COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
Chapter 68 - Morning
“We must escape before it’s too late
Find a way to save the day”
Wait a minute . . . yep!
Chapter 67 - Goldenblood
“No. You won’t. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects from you!”
This is making me think I may have been right in my prediction things would play out like "A Canterlot Wedding" part one, just on a later timeline than anticipated.
Over time, I’d been drawn into a web of secrets and backroom dealings culminating in the mysterious Project Horizons. It was surreal to think that something created two centuries ago, in the madness of that war, might now annihilate everything that I held dear.
Not that surreal. You have a pretty surreal life.
He waved his hoof, and suddenly a unicorn blank appeared in the void around us.
Wait, there could be unicorn blanks? I thought they were all earth pony modeled. Er, oh, simulation. Right.
“Instead of trying to send actual personnel to the moon,” Goldenblood began, “who could have learned of Horizons and disabled it, we programMed the mechasprites to build a Tree of Life and cybernetics facilities.”
Was it always called the Tree of Life? Fitting name. Even better that its product is innocent.
“In another rocket, we sent up a large supply of Flux and a unicorn template–"
"And used computer-controlled Flux clones to build the gun," I interrupted. "You said that. What does that have to do with putting a star spirit in Tom?"
"Unicorn Flux clones," he said, rather annoyed.
Okay, I guess it's being acknowledged, but still, I don't get it. And I don't think Goldy is the one to explain the mechanics of it.
“I don’t know, actually. I expected more of a struggle, but the spirit seemed to allow itself to be placed in the stone.
I'm sure this isn't a bad sign at all!
But as Gardens progressed, I was struck by inspiration.” A window appeared showing Horse’s lab. The Goldenblood there levitated the tuning fork, struck it against the counter, and held it to his ear.
Sad, unfortunate. He wasn't always thus; I preferred when he hated the Scream. But these things happen, and the siren's song of power . . .
Worse, I struggled with fear, paranoia, and anger. As you saw with Pinkie Pie.”
I nodded a little. “I thought you were a little more… well… violent than usual.”
I guess, but come on. This guy pushed a mare down a mineshaft.
“You can’t do anything for her?” colt-Goldenblood asked with a resigned sadness I’d rarely encountered in ones so young.
But not never: see Boing.
“We’ve given as much poppy tears as we can,” another zebra said, checking the bottles. “Any more, and… well…”
Hey, there's something in common between her and P-21!
Goldenblood wept as he held her, and she murmured over and over “Shh. Shh.” and “It’s alright.” But as she stroked his mane, I saw her face twist and contort. Her hooves grew tighter around his neck as they started to shake. He grunted and tried to pull away. “Momma! You’re hurting me!” he cried out.
“Shut up!” she hissed, spraying spit as her hooves tightened even more. “You’re a horrible child! A monster! I know what you’re going to do! Who you are going to serve!” She screamed. I lunged forward, trying to pull her legs off from around the boy’s neck, but my hooves passed through her as if through mist.
Fortunately, the zebras who stormed in did pry her legs off the child. She screamed, flailing her legs against them as the colt was pulled back into Scruffy’s protective embrace. “No! He has to die! He serves the Eater! He serves the Eater of Souls! He’ll kill us all!” she howled with blood on her lips, the hanging bottles seeming to ring in sympathy. The scene faded from view.
Well, that's a pretty good reason not to like prophecy very much, and all the more to hope it's not accurate.
“Cognitum is sure it can be used safely,” I pointed out… but I didn’t really believe she was right. I’d heard the voice from the pit.
Well she's done such a good job of making decisions so far.
What has the world come to when ‘Insane computer uses giant alien artifact to take over world!’ is one of the better possible headlines?"
Bear in mind that "Today's Issue Canceled Due to Nuclear Armageddon" already happened in this one.
"If she's right, if Amadi is just a deluded fool worshiping a machine,
Worshipping a machine for longer than Cognitum's template had been alive, let alone free.
“Then you need to go with me to the moon and find some other way,” I said.
I love that this is serious.
“That seems… both hypocritical and somewhat cowardly,” he pointed out as he regarded me flatly. “You decide that ponies deserve to die all the time. The ponies you’ve killed didn’t throw themselves on your bullets. You chose to shoot them. You could have run. You could have surrendered. Instead, you resorted to violence. You might call it ‘self defense’ but your self defense is exceptionally hazardous to those who challenge it.”
Oh, I'll provisionally give him a little bit on "somewhat cowardly," but the hypocrisy charge is, in many or most cases, fairly weak.
“Wrong! They weren’t heroes. Especially not for being killers,” I countered. “All that killing did was turn Equestria more and more into the Wasteland. Defeat… Surrender would have been better than that!” I hung my head in shame. At the end, Big Macintosh had been the only one who had been a hero. All the rest had been corrupted, betrayed by the demand to kill for others.
Psalm's looking better at this point, even if she went through some of the worst corruption of all of them. And I don't think Twist ever went bad; you could make a case that Vanity doing the memory spell for Jetstream was pretty bad, but I don't know how he would have stopped her from getting someone else to do it.
My white hide was wrapped not in cybernetic plating but in dyed-black Security armor stitched to a ponyhide base. More scars crossed my skin, and my mane lay a little more chopped and wild. A pair of mirrored shades covered my eyes, reflecting the world back at him, and they gleamed along with the pair of hoofcuffs on my belt. A well-used security baton hung at my side, and I levitated up the pump-action shotgun and pointed it at his face.
Description porn count: 1.
Love it.
“This is me as an executioner, Goldenblood. Corrupted justice,” I said in a low, rough sneer.
Minor bad taste in the mouth since I've never cared much for the whole "corrupted virtues" thing, or at least the overuse and misapplication.
“BANG!” I yelled, and he staggered back, collapsing in a heap and breathing hard. Slowly, I lowered the gun, staring at him as he gaped up at me. “Except, to that me, you wouldn’t be worth a bullet, a baton, or a bucket of piss to drown you in. You’re nothing. Everything is nothing. Fuck, I’d probably help Amadi if I gave two shits about him. You want me to be an executioner? I’d rather be dead.” I tossed the gun aside and looked away. “Now stop dicking around and bring back Goldenblood.”
Nice culmination to the speech.
“Flattery aside, how’d you really know?”
I sighed and closed my eyes. “It knew too much. You might know a lot about me. I bet you’re pretty adept at spying from here. Two hundred years of practice and all. But I doubt you knew how many ponies were on Seahorse.”
Oh. Good point. I didn't catch that.
I took another pull off the bottle. “You are one fucked-up stallion, you know that, Goldenblood?” I said. “I am trying to save ponies’ lives, and you’re still fixated on you. Still. Even now.” I sighed and took another drink as he sat there, looking wretched. “Why don’t you help me?”
The question seemed to rouse him a little. “You’d accept my help?” He laughed jovially, then trailed off as I continued smiling at him. His lips curled in sickly, horrified disbelief. “...Wait, you’re serious?”
It's not like that was the first time she asked. But yes, of course she's serious. Have you even been watching her?
“You haven’t been paying attention to me, have you?” I said with a laugh.
Of course it would happen here. And this time, it's not even like I read it before, just too long ago for it to have been in memory.
Goddamn that list is great.
Again, another long pause. “Interesting. I’ve never seen anxiety levels this high before. He’s making numerous counterarguments to yours,
Now, how possible is it that he can manipulate the anxiety levels it registers?
“Subject revival in progress. Notify the M.o.P. for medical care. Terminal data damage to this program. Conducting a remote transfer to an available mobile unit. Deleting hoofprint program. Catch you on the flipside,” the computer buzzed, and then it went dead.
I'm pretty sure that's a reference, but I don't know to what.
“Come on. This place has to have a café somewhere. I’m starving, and I imagine that after two centuries, you’d like a bite to eat too.” It was a gnawing discomfort in my gut, familiar and natural and so very welcome.
Nice touch.
I helped myself to some Sugar Apple Bombs cereal; they were no cyberpony cake, but then, what was?
We still don't know for sure that she would like them even as a normal pony. Might have a hard time eating them, too.
It took me fifteen minutes to find it, but yes, there it was, the glass bottle with its amber contents seeming to possess a faint aura accompanied by the singing of holy spirits.
That's a good pun.
“It’s too bad Glory’s not here. She could whip all of these into something fantastic. She really should have a cooking cutie mark,” I said as I took a seat, popped the cap off my bottle of amber heaven, and took a long pull.
Or, to pull a joke from FoE (though one that in context didn't help Velvet's case as Kindness): a cutie mark of Blackjack's stomach. Or just Blackjack, I suppose.
Oh, it burned! It burned like hell, and the warmth lifted me right to the tip of my horn. “Oooooeeeeahhh…” I groaned long and low, looking at the bottle. “I missed you.”
“You’re drinking?” Goldenblood asked incredulously as I returned.
He really hadn't been paying attention, had he?
He spoke as if addressing an idiot, which I couldn’t fault him for. He’d had a bad day.
And, well, you're only a few months removed from being an idiot.
“We don’t have a few days. I need something direct and to the point. I need… woo…” I caught myself. Wow. Only a fifth of a bottle, and I was already getting tipsy.
I'll admit, I'm surprised by this. Didn't she have more even from the very start? Though I suppose that for the first one, she never really tried getting up until just before Deus got there. And perhaps the mass is lower than her stable-fresh body was, and less used to processing things in general, not just alcohol.
“But nothing,” I said with a grin. “I’m getting out of here. I getting back to Glory. My friends. I’m going to stop Cognitum and Amadi. I’m going to get my baby back and be the best damned mommy I can be. And do you know why?”
His eyes widened, and he shook his head ever so slightly, as if afraid that the wrong answer might set me off.
“Because I’m Security, and I think I’ve had one too many,” I said, glancing at the bottle. Then I took one more pull and swallowed hard. “Yeah. Definitely one too many. Let’s ride, Goldie.”
There's been a lot of good speechifying going on. This is reminding me of "It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it."
And then "America, Fuck Yeah!" starts playing.
“Husband, perhaps we should–” Persephone began.
“No!” He stomped his foot. “It is time for these outsiders to know their place. I have tolerated that yellow strumpet. Tolerated the debaucheries she’s introduced. Tolerated the inclusion of more outsiders. Enough is enough!”
Persephone rolled her eyes. “Perhaps we should take this to the throne room where there is more space, fewer innocent bystanders, and less furniture to break?” she finished sharply, glaring at him and then me.
The king blinked. “Oh. Yes. Of course, dear. I need my sword, anyway.”
That got me laughing.
I’m sure that, had I not been inebriated, a much more touching reunion could have been arranged.
Probably unintentional, but the double entendre is pretty good there, considering one is Whisper.
“What’s your father’s shadowy talent power thingy?”
“Oblivion,” she answered.
I stopped in my tracks. “Seriously? Oblivion? What kind of power is that?! Why not just have an ‘I win’ power?”
Okay, maybe I was premature before. Is this anything like the Omega Beams?
Also, if my hopes will end up being dashed and Blackjack's Cutie Mark talent was/is "victory," then she isn't really one to talk, is she.
“I want his shadow talismany thingamajigger that will get me home,” I said. “Are there any rules? Like, no gelding?” My question made him blink. “What? I’ve only done it onc… er… twice! I think. Maybe three times…”
Timely, given the conversations yesterday or the day before.
“And husband? Your terms?”
The question shook him from his embarrassment. “Her life!” The stallion said, pointing the sword at me dramatically.
That kind of defeats the purpose of "until surrender or . . . slain or incapacitated." Well, I guess nothing's stopping him from being a dick. Unless he does end up gelded.
“Any who leave the circle of moonlight will forfeit. “Begin.”
So, Persephone is changing the terms? Clever, if she can pull it off.
And now that I was stuck to his rump, I brought my baton around and fell back to a tried and true crotch strike! The weighted head came down… and clanged against something metal that rang like a bell! “Oh come on! Nopony ever armors that!”
The sad thing is, it's basically true in this universe. But hey, it's not like she didn't give fair warning.
I sighed, raised my baton, and then flung my other weapon straight at his face. The glowing whiskey bottle arched straight and true. Of course, a bottle, even half filled with the fluid of heaven, wouldn’t do much to him. It might not even break. He could have deflected it… but he wouldn’t. No, he brought his sword right through the spinning glass. Time seemed to crawl a moment as it shattered into a dozen glistening shards. Glowing shards…
That I directed straight into his eyes.
Classic Blackjack.
“Surrender! This fight is over, love!” Persephone begged.
“Father, please!” screamed Tenebra.
“No!” roared the king. “I’ll die before I surrender!”
Fuck, what is with guys insisting on dying out of vanity today?
But all the batponies weren’t looking at me. They were staring at the crown. Tenebra was down with a seizure, but Stygius and five other ponies scrambled for the rolling crown. The circlet deflected off of one pony, then another, then off a pillar, and then disappeared into a patch of black energy. I watched dully as it seemed to expand then burst in a shower of gold and gem. A stunned silence filled the air. “Uh… hello?” I asked dully. “Talisman?”
Say it with me . . .
“It was on… the crown.”
Natch.
“So… what happens now?” I asked, the adrenaline wearing off and… oh... wow... gravity was heavy...
Her greatest nemesis, especially when teaming up with it's most powerful accomplice: large floating vehicles.
“Clear it with Glory first,” I said flippantly and received a hoof to the shoulder. Hard. “Ow... seriously though, how are you two doing?”
“How am I doing? How do you think I’m doing?” [Whisper] said crossly. “Why do you have a talent for fucking up the lives of everypony you run into?”
Still a better Cutie Mark talent than victory.
She smirked down at me, then turned back to Charm. “Anyway, I don’t know. She’s hurt and confused. Again, like most people you come in contact with,” Whisper growled, looking over at the filly.
That one wasn't her fault!
“Most of these ponies may be inbred, but they can still fight. Sort of. Half of them practically shit themselves when they saw the sky for the first time.
Kind of coming full circle to Blackjack's reaction on leaving the stable.
“Cyber zebra unicorns…” I frowned, something niggling in my mind. “Are they all mares?”
“The three I saw were.”
“And did they look identical?”
“Yeaaah... Why?” she asked with a scowl of bafflement. “You know them?”
I scowled. Cyber zebra unicorns... I really… really wanted to see Morning Glory again, but if I was right… “I think I might.”
. . . Silver Stripe? Clones, I'd hope, but I wouldn't be too surprised if it were the real deal.
I adjusted my purple armor and sword – really, a baton was more my thing where melee weapons were concerned, but if I was lucky, I’d find somepony I could trade the sword to for a gun – and checked Charm one last time, then teleported straight to the Collegiate.
Is it really? I got that with the spear, sure, but come on, she loved the dragon claw and the starmetal sword, used them all the time. Gelded a guy with the former.
As we skirted the edge of the river, I kept my eyes open for raiders, gangers, ghouls, or giant talking frogs.
Man, that frog was unexpectedly problematic. Good idea to watch out for them. And that was near the Collegiate, wasn't it?
“Uh, maybe you didn’t hear me. I’m Security. I need to talk to Triage. Right now,” I said as I approached the gate guards.
“Right. And I’m the Lightbringer,” drawled the earth pony guard, a stallion to boot. “Go piss off.”
“I’ve got a kid who’s hurt!” I snapped. “You guys do healing, last I checked!” I shifted the cloak enough so they could see the filly beneath.
The two looked at the filly sourly. “You got caps? The machine’s not cheap,” a stallion said.
My jaw nearly hit the mud. Why no, actually, now that he mentioned it. “This is Charm, Grace’s sister. I’m sure she’ll cover the cost.”
Tough not having anyone recognize you. Losing the Reaper discount (that I guess she never really used much) doesn't help much, either.
“Triage isn’t here?” My ears folded back. “She’s always here!”
“Yeah. She was called to a big meeting at the Society. By Security. Imagine that.” The guard sneered at me, and I felt my confidence waver. If nopony believed who I was... if Glory and P-21 didn’t believe…
Oh, come on! He's not at least recognizing the face? The voice? Sure, she was flux-poisoned at the time, but I don't think those where things that were quite as changed.
He rolled his eyes with a long-suffering sigh as he took my belongings and the filly. “Yes. You are a very good Security. You got the mane and coat down perfectly. Bravo.”
Hmm. Okay.
My thoughts stopped as I saw her. Dusky gray hide and wings… bright purple mane… Dashite cutie mark. I walked towards her as if in a dream. The universe had finally, finally thrown me a bone. Of course Morning Glory would be back here
Which sister is it?
Wait. That’s not a mare’s tongue.
I broke away and goggled at the gray effeminate stallion I had my hooves around. “Oh, don’t stop there!” he begged with a lazy grin. “I live for moments like this.”
Whoa. Well, that explains that.
“Anyway, if you’re going to make a serious run for playing Security, and who can blame you, use a cutie mark decal.” He nodded to armored Blackjack, and she rolled her eyes and levitated over a small box. Inside was a decal of Velvet Remedy’s nightingale cutie mark and a small can like a dash inhaler. “Just get one of Blackjack’s cutie mark, spray it on your flank, and voila! Get some old stable barding and you could be Security, fresh from the stable!” he said in a breathless voice.
Man, this is surreal.
Now or never. I didn’t have a gun or even that fancy armor. All I had was my magic and whatever I could improvise. A smarter pony would have gone after Triage. Maybe tried to convince Sagittarius. Come back later… except… Except after talking to those two, I needed this. I had to show that I was the real Security, not those fakes. Not Cognitum.
Interesting that this same theme would arise again, even—indeed, immediately after!—getting her own body back, just with her own identity rather than being a pony.
Then I look a deep breath, walked slowly out of the rings of racks, and said loudly, “You were the spy. And you’re still a spy.”
Professor Zodiac slowly turned, her two eye panels focusing on me and widening in shock. “Blackjack? I… how did you get here?”
There we go.
“...glad to remind you that only in unity can we stand against this threat. The zebras have begun their final assault. In every corner of the Hoof, they have begun a slow advance in to our territory. The Harbingers will require all your assistance in repelling and annihilating this dire threat to Equestria,” Cognitum said calmly, making the word ‘our’ sound remarkably like ‘my’. “As one, we have the strength of unity to end this threat and unite into a glorious future!”
I mean, a lot can happen in three months, but this doesn't sound like Blackjack at all!
“Stop!” P-21 shouted, running over to stand over Big Daddy’s smoking body. He glared up at me. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Blackjack?” I saw the anger and confusion in my friend’s features.
Well, it's not the first time he's asked things like that. Just somehow, I don't think they were under quite so unambiguous circumstances.
“Has anyone even tried talking to them?” Glory asked loudly, walking over the stand next to him. “The zebra refugees from the Remnant have no clue about these attacks. If anything, they’ve been attacked too. We haven’t heard from Lancer yet. Sekashi and he must have some idea why they’re attacking suddenly for no reason.”
“They’re attacking us because they hate us. It’s as simple as that,” Cognitum said coldly. “The Legate has made his interests abundantly clear. He wishes to annihilate us all!”
Moving beyond diction, the content is all wrong. There's no desire to understand, convert, or give a chance to do better, and I think even at her worst Blackjack tended to think in terms of motivations beyond hate.
“But why you, Blackjack? You’ve never wanted to lead anypony before. We could work as a war council. Each group can have a seat and we can work out the best way to resolve this,” Glory asked, reasonably.
Seriously, that too.
And under me, the Legate will be crushed. Under me, Hoofington will rise!”
Come on, someone has to catch that.
Think of the children,” she said with a wave of her hoof at Charity and Scotch Tape.
“The children are adding a five percent sanctimony fee, so thank you for your thought,” Charity snapped back.
You got me laughing with "Think of the children"; Charity doubled it.
Then her saw cut into my side. It wasn’t a big blade, just a small surgical saw. Still, it had more than enough bite to split hide and then chew into a rib.
She's had worse from surgical saws.
Then she exploded. Well, not all of her. Just everything from horn to shoulders. Her head evaporated in a directed blast that continued into and through the wall above my head. “Y’hal talsh ta much,” a stallion drawled in a muddled voice from the doorway. A heavily bandaged brown pegasus in a floppy black hat pointed the largest rifle in existence at where the cyber unicorn’s torso still stood.
I was not expecting this.
“It’s a long and complicated story,” I said,
I think we have a winner for the line from this chapter that best sums up the story as a whole.
“I think that’s my fault,” a mare said from the doorway. The dusky gray mare with the striped blue mane gave a slightly sheepish smile as she walked into the lab.
Whelp, hopefully this won't be too painful.
One wall was covered with bounty posters from all over Equestria. One of them was even mine... gosh, fifty thousand caps dead, a hundred thousand alive. Those were the days... ‘Not worth it’ was written in red ink across my face.
Yeah, sounds about right.
“Wow. With this many horns in the room, we’re either going to produce a megaspell or a gaming group,” Life Bloom quipped, prompting a few meager chuckles. They died quickly.
Eh, wasn't Tenpony pretty heavily unicorn, especially the Twilight Society? I guess it was meant to be a weak joke, though.
“Now can I please go?” I asked as I rose to my hooves. Tired. Sore. Hungry. Grumpy.
. . . Sleepy. Sneezy. Bashful. Dopey. Happy. She killed Doc, though. That's why she was there.
“Blackjack, think! If the other you really is part of this show, how long do you think it’ll last once she finds out you escaped? How long until the show ends and the killing starts?” he asked me. I stared at him, quivering. I could go. I could just teleport out before he bubbled me again. It hurt! He softened his tone. “Just give me a few hours. I’ll send out the Zodiacs to make contact with the other factions. We need to meet up. Organize. Discuss everything that’s going on.”
Parallel war councils. I like it.
I glanced back at her and saw her gentle smile urging patience. She was going to be kept from LittlePip. She understood the frustration of being separated from the one you loved.
Except she wasn't, and while sure, she would, that was more Littlepip's fault than anything else.
As painful as it was, I couldn’t go rushing off. I had responsibilities. Duties. Obligations.
I hated every last one of them.
Yeah. Kind of rough, but it's been what she's been growing towards for a long time. Even as she's tried to run from them.
I reared onto my hind legs and smacked my forehooves on the tabletop. “Fine. But I want the meeting in Chapel. We can meet in the remains of the Blueblood Manor. It should be a wide open and neutral place.” And hopefully Glory would be there.
No, hopefully she won't be there. Seems to me like the last thing you want is to send word to the group that has Cognitum in it, risking alerting her before you're ready.
“Tell me about it.” She sighed, flipping her sodden mane out of her eyes. “I mean... I know I was pretty cheery on my last broadcast after the big battle. But... well...” she tapped her hooves together.
“Aren’t you supposed to be Honesty?” I asked with a smirk.
“There’s honesty, and then there’s Honesty!” Homage countered with a frown.
Well, by this point it hadn't been confirmed. Still just Littlepip's speculation. Good jab though. And hey, it's not like that one little thing on its own would have made much difference either way given a life built on deceit.
And it wasn’t an outright lie.
Fuck you, Homage. Okay, really, that's fine. But fuck you as Honesty. That's the real problem.
“We contacted the Society at Elysium as soon as you left. To tell Triage about all of this and find out what Cognitum is doing. Cognitum’s left for the Luna space center with only a hoofful of ponies.”
I don't think it was smart, unless they got the info first, which I have to assume they did. Happy for Blackjack, at least.
If I could get the Zodiacs, Calamity, Velvet, the alicorns... maybe we could take my body back. Maybe Virgo could take Cognitum out and put me in. Maybe... and on the other hoof, I knew where Glory was going to be. I could leave right now. The plan was already in motion. The others didn’t need me! I could go and be in her embrace again and talk and make it all better.
Well, the thing is, on a higher level, it is all about you. So they probably need you yet.
I levitated a bowl over, filling it and listening to the powder-covered red bits tinkling against the ceramic. Then I added brahmin milk and levitated the bowl to the table. Slowly, I slipped into the seat, and... and...
I watched my cereal darken and get soggy. A spoon lay unattended, jutting out to the side. I pressed my hooves to my head as the normalcy began to crush me beneath its hoof. I clenched my eyes shut as tears ran down my cheeks. Oh Celestia, it was too much!
This time it's more like normal responses to stress, but there are echoes of the run-up to "Reaper" here. The insufferable gnawing pulling her towards activity, even when the best thing to do is nothing. At least this time, her desire is to be reunited instead of needing separation.
I don’t know how long we were like that. Seconds? Eternities? The blob of cereal on my spoon quivered and then plopped back into the bowl, followed a second later by the spoon itself. Glory’s eyes bored into me, pupils constricting as she seemed to wind tighter and tighter. Say something, Blackjack, I hissed to myself. Something. Anything!
The corner of my mouth curled up in desperate hope. “Um... hi.”
She smiled, and for an instant everything was alright. Somehow, I’d make everything good again. But her smile didn’t stop. It became a grimace. Then there were tears springing down her cheeks as she screamed at top of her lungs, “Get out!”
Now I'm reminded of her last homecoming to Star House. Somehow I doubt this one will be resolved by bondage, though.
- Chapter Sixty Eight Editing:
- Horizons and disabled it, we programMed the mechasprites
get rid of the capital in "programMed"
I hated her pinkie sense.
"Pinkie Sense"
“My mother, Sun Dancer, took me all across the world.”
In the one other case you used her name (chapter 35) it was all one word.
she murmured over and over “Shh. Shh.” and “It’s
first quotation should end with a comma
I would have liked to know about Cognitum before I left 99, and that Rivets hadn’t purged the system… EC-1101… You…
"You" shouldn't be capitalized
Before me appeared an image of the Fluttershy medical center.
"Fluttershy Medical Center"
Me myself and I.
commas?
You know how clever he is” I gave a tiny little smile
missing period
“Yes, you are. To Tartarus,” the king said as he snapped his wings once and landed at the other end of the aisle between the rows of tables.
Isn't this the kind of thing you just use "hell" for? Unless he's actually planning on banishing her to that real, physical (or whatever) place?
“Her life!” The stallion said,
"The" shouldn't be capitalized
“Any who leave the circle of moonlight will forfeit. “Begin.”
Delete the quotation mark before "Begin"
“Okay. So this Oblivion thingy power.
That's the only time it's capitalized except at the beginning of a sentence
Strike that, breathing hurt. Oh, that wasn’t
patch of black energy. Stygius and
only one space after period
Sanguine was my father, or close as I had one,
"had to one" or just "had"?
“Honestly Aero...”
comma after "Honestly"?
and a half -dozen legs dangled around a levitation talisman.
"half dozen" or "half-dozen"
little rat’s nest of secrets. Cognitum immediately
only one space after period
Other ponies I could make out were Finders, Paladin Stronghoof
should have only one space after the comma
“You think we’re just going to march on your say so?”
"say so" should be hyphenated.
indecision and bickering? Only united under one ruler
only one space after question mark
I walked away from the Professor, towards the bound and hidden Virgo
"Professor" shouldn't be capitalized“
Thanks Velvet,” I said, certain that this had
comma after Thanks
Blackjack’d be right proud of what y’all are doin,”
apostrophe for "doin"
Though ‘barn bucked loco’ is what I’d call em,” Calamity said as he looked back at me. “Shoot. Folks out east is twigged like nopony I ain’t never seen
apostrophe for "em"
but maybe somepony said somethin.
apostrophe for "somethin"
didn’t care about being like a hero. Then these ponies with
I didn’t think they’d take me so literally. I mean,
only one space after period
Homage, Calamity, and Velvet Remedy, along the red-and-pink-maned unicorn stallion Life Bloom, were all
"along with"?
When I finished, it seemed like everypony was sharing my headache. Calamity summed it up best. “Remember them good old days when the worst we had to worry ‘bout was gettin’ killed and eaten by raiders? I sure do miss them.”
Did the raiders out in their area eat people? There was Arbu, but that was a special case, and they never really worried about it since Littlepip was in the middle of exterminating them by the time she told them.
“Well, I never thought about it ‘till today, but... yes.
no apostrophe for "till"
We won’t be able to adjust them remotely.” Virgo said with a small nod.
quotation should end with comma, not period
Thunderheads. The SPP.
"S.P.P."
“‘Till then, got to keep people’s spirits up and put a positive spin on things, right?”
no apostrophe for "till"
Cognitum’s left for the Luna space center with only a hoofful of ponies.
"Luna Space Center"
And I’ll walk if I don’t.” I told her evenly.
quotation should end with comma, should have only one space after quotation
In one of the cupboards was a box of Apple Sugar bombs.
"Sugar Apple Bombs"
The road to Tartarus is paved in them, right?”
Again, this is something you normally just used "hell" for. In fact, from chapter twenty:
“You’re talking to me?” he said from my left, where he was sitting and looking at the grave solemnly. I glared at him hatefully. He returned my gaze and had the audacity to look upset. “Yeah, it’s an old theme. The road to hell and all that.”
Oh, and somehow I don't think that the only prisoner of Tartarus we ever knew of, Tirek, paved his way with good intentions. Just saying.
- Other Editing:
- 67:
What’s your Pinkie sense saying!
"Pinkie Sense"
Also in the chapter quotation for chapter 54 (and the associated part on the hub page), but I know you treat those differently.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
- Posts : 1209
Brohoof! : 308
Join date : 2012-06-05
Age : 35
Location : Boston, MA
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Retl Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:42 am
I enjoyed the chapter! A lot of stuff happened and it's kinda neat to think about. It also served to remind me of / clarify points that I had been confused about in previous chapters for simply being a casual reader.
- Spoiler:
- For example, it might have been just me, but I was a little confused as to the giant deathbeamlasers of death that PrincessComputers was using to try to force an answer out of BJ were real or not. Since we're seeing the damage affects through BJ's eyes at the corresponding places outside of the core or whatever that place was, it seems pretty much like those beams were super-real.
The Realist.
I was also reminded of the cut out / bonus / extra / whateveritis Batpony Battle thingy from back around chapter 49/50 So it's neat to see that come back. And GB doing a thing! And explaining why he did other things! Oh. Also, I really wish I could cast a bubble spell. It'd be like having infinite balloons. I swear, somewhere in the world there must be a bubbletalisman or some other specific technology repurposing such a spell for apprehending suspects. Sounds very MoMish.
Charm has managed to avoid 'drowning'! Yay!
Well. Sorta. Still alive, but probably gonna need either some particularly gifted unicorns or a set of really patient guardians to get back in an OK way.
Also, neat to see the expansion on the imitation Securities. It seemed coming since back with that bridge bandits group thingy, but now we're seeing some. (also feminine male Glory-like is more relevant to my interests than the normal variety.)
BUTTS. By which I mean, I am still thinking up a variety of randy fanarts for impending 69.
okaysleepynow. Thanks for chapter, all. I was entertained!
Retl- Stallion/Mare
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Join date : 2013-01-14
Character List:
Name: Toy Bloon
Sex: Male
Species: Earth Pony -
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:46 am
Ah, thank you.Icy Shake wrote:I've figured out what's wrong, at least somewhat, and all I have to say is: (provisionally) fuck you, Google. It works in Chrome. Based on how widespread the issue is and how long it's been ongoing, I'm not sure they care about fixing it for Firefox or IE. Hopefully I'm just being overly sensitive and mistrustful, but this kind of thing strikes me as anticompetitive. Matter of fact . . .WavemasterRyx wrote:*hugs you and Somber each gently*O. Hinds wrote:And 68 is out!
Well gdocs is still being silly, but I got my copy downloaded, and I am definitely looking forward to reading it tonight.Not saying it's just the same, but if that's what's going on, it sure rhymes. Granted, Microsoft won the case on appeal, but given the weakness of antitrust law in the US at the moment, I'm not sure how much that really means on the merits.Wikipedia, Microsoft Litigation page wrote:The issue central to the case was whether Microsoft was allowed to bundle its flagship Internet Explorer (IE) web browser software with its Microsoft Windows operating system. Bundling them together is alleged to have been responsible for Microsoft's victory in the browser wars as every Windows user had a copy of Internet Explorer. It was further alleged that this unfairly restricted the market for competing web browsers (such as Netscape Navigator or Opera) that were slow to download over a modem or had to be purchased at a store. Underlying these disputes were questions over whether Microsoft altered or manipulated its application programming interfaces (APIs) to favor Internet Explorer over third party web browsers, Microsoft's conduct in forming restrictive licensing agreements with OEM computer manufacturers, and Microsoft's intent in its course of conduct.
On a more positive note, I enjoyed the chapter greatly. Cliffhanger reminds me of another from a while back, and it feels like things are falling into place. Didn't see the big surprise coming, or expect everyone who showed up. Thank you, Somber and editors, for a great night. I'll have fuller thoughts up tomorrow, I expect.
- Chapter Sixty Eight Running Thoughts:
NOBODY COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
Chapter 68 - Morning
“We must escape before it’s too late
Find a way to save the day”
Wait a minute . . . yep!
Chapter 67 - Goldenblood
“No. You won’t. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self, I can protect my subjects from you!”
This is making me think I may have been right in my prediction things would play out like "A Canterlot Wedding" part one, just on a later timeline than anticipated.
Over time, I’d been drawn into a web of secrets and backroom dealings culminating in the mysterious Project Horizons. It was surreal to think that something created two centuries ago, in the madness of that war, might now annihilate everything that I held dear.
Not that surreal. You have a pretty surreal life.
He waved his hoof, and suddenly a unicorn blank appeared in the void around us.
Wait, there could be unicorn blanks? I thought they were all earth pony modeled. Er, oh, simulation. Right.
“Instead of trying to send actual personnel to the moon,” Goldenblood began, “who could have learned of Horizons and disabled it, we programMed the mechasprites to build a Tree of Life and cybernetics facilities.”
Was it always called the Tree of Life? Fitting name. Even better that its product is innocent.
“In another rocket, we sent up a large supply of Flux and a unicorn template–"
"And used computer-controlled Flux clones to build the gun," I interrupted. "You said that. What does that have to do with putting a star spirit in Tom?"
"Unicorn Flux clones," he said, rather annoyed.
Okay, I guess it's being acknowledged, but still, I don't get it. And I don't think Goldy is the one to explain the mechanics of it.
“I don’t know, actually. I expected more of a struggle, but the spirit seemed to allow itself to be placed in the stone.
I'm sure this isn't a bad sign at all!
But as Gardens progressed, I was struck by inspiration.” A window appeared showing Horse’s lab. The Goldenblood there levitated the tuning fork, struck it against the counter, and held it to his ear.
Sad, unfortunate. He wasn't always thus; I preferred when he hated the Scream. But these things happen, and the siren's song of power . . .
Worse, I struggled with fear, paranoia, and anger. As you saw with Pinkie Pie.”
I nodded a little. “I thought you were a little more… well… violent than usual.”
I guess, but come on. This guy pushed a mare down a mineshaft.
“You can’t do anything for her?” colt-Goldenblood asked with a resigned sadness I’d rarely encountered in ones so young.
But not never: see Boing.
“We’ve given as much poppy tears as we can,” another zebra said, checking the bottles. “Any more, and… well…”
Hey, there's something in common between her and P-21!
Goldenblood wept as he held her, and she murmured over and over “Shh. Shh.” and “It’s alright.” But as she stroked his mane, I saw her face twist and contort. Her hooves grew tighter around his neck as they started to shake. He grunted and tried to pull away. “Momma! You’re hurting me!” he cried out.
“Shut up!” she hissed, spraying spit as her hooves tightened even more. “You’re a horrible child! A monster! I know what you’re going to do! Who you are going to serve!” She screamed. I lunged forward, trying to pull her legs off from around the boy’s neck, but my hooves passed through her as if through mist.
Fortunately, the zebras who stormed in did pry her legs off the child. She screamed, flailing her legs against them as the colt was pulled back into Scruffy’s protective embrace. “No! He has to die! He serves the Eater! He serves the Eater of Souls! He’ll kill us all!” she howled with blood on her lips, the hanging bottles seeming to ring in sympathy. The scene faded from view.
Well, that's a pretty good reason not to like prophecy very much, and all the more to hope it's not accurate.
“Cognitum is sure it can be used safely,” I pointed out… but I didn’t really believe she was right. I’d heard the voice from the pit.
Well she's done such a good job of making decisions so far.
What has the world come to when ‘Insane computer uses giant alien artifact to take over world!’ is one of the better possible headlines?"
Bear in mind that "Today's Issue Canceled Due to Nuclear Armageddon" already happened in this one.
"If she's right, if Amadi is just a deluded fool worshiping a machine,
Worshipping a machine for longer than Cognitum's template had been alive, let alone free.
“Then you need to go with me to the moon and find some other way,” I said.
I love that this is serious.
“That seems… both hypocritical and somewhat cowardly,” he pointed out as he regarded me flatly. “You decide that ponies deserve to die all the time. The ponies you’ve killed didn’t throw themselves on your bullets. You chose to shoot them. You could have run. You could have surrendered. Instead, you resorted to violence. You might call it ‘self defense’ but your self defense is exceptionally hazardous to those who challenge it.”
Oh, I'll provisionally give him a little bit on "somewhat cowardly," but the hypocrisy charge is, in many or most cases, fairly weak.
“Wrong! They weren’t heroes. Especially not for being killers,” I countered. “All that killing did was turn Equestria more and more into the Wasteland. Defeat… Surrender would have been better than that!” I hung my head in shame. At the end, Big Macintosh had been the only one who had been a hero. All the rest had been corrupted, betrayed by the demand to kill for others.
Psalm's looking better at this point, even if she went through some of the worst corruption of all of them. And I don't think Twist ever went bad; you could make a case that Vanity doing the memory spell for Jetstream was pretty bad, but I don't know how he would have stopped her from getting someone else to do it.
My white hide was wrapped not in cybernetic plating but in dyed-black Security armor stitched to a ponyhide base. More scars crossed my skin, and my mane lay a little more chopped and wild. A pair of mirrored shades covered my eyes, reflecting the world back at him, and they gleamed along with the pair of hoofcuffs on my belt. A well-used security baton hung at my side, and I levitated up the pump-action shotgun and pointed it at his face.
Description porn count: 1.
Love it.
“This is me as an executioner, Goldenblood. Corrupted justice,” I said in a low, rough sneer.
Minor bad taste in the mouth since I've never cared much for the whole "corrupted virtues" thing, or at least the overuse and misapplication.
“BANG!” I yelled, and he staggered back, collapsing in a heap and breathing hard. Slowly, I lowered the gun, staring at him as he gaped up at me. “Except, to that me, you wouldn’t be worth a bullet, a baton, or a bucket of piss to drown you in. You’re nothing. Everything is nothing. Fuck, I’d probably help Amadi if I gave two shits about him. You want me to be an executioner? I’d rather be dead.” I tossed the gun aside and looked away. “Now stop dicking around and bring back Goldenblood.”
Nice culmination to the speech.
“Flattery aside, how’d you really know?”
I sighed and closed my eyes. “It knew too much. You might know a lot about me. I bet you’re pretty adept at spying from here. Two hundred years of practice and all. But I doubt you knew how many ponies were on Seahorse.”
Oh. Good point. I didn't catch that.
I took another pull off the bottle. “You are one fucked-up stallion, you know that, Goldenblood?” I said. “I am trying to save ponies’ lives, and you’re still fixated on you. Still. Even now.” I sighed and took another drink as he sat there, looking wretched. “Why don’t you help me?”
The question seemed to rouse him a little. “You’d accept my help?” He laughed jovially, then trailed off as I continued smiling at him. His lips curled in sickly, horrified disbelief. “...Wait, you’re serious?”
It's not like that was the first time she asked. But yes, of course she's serious. Have you even been watching her?
“You haven’t been paying attention to me, have you?” I said with a laugh.
Of course it would happen here. And this time, it's not even like I read it before, just too long ago for it to have been in memory.
Goddamn that list is great.
Again, another long pause. “Interesting. I’ve never seen anxiety levels this high before. He’s making numerous counterarguments to yours,
Now, how possible is it that he can manipulate the anxiety levels it registers?
“Subject revival in progress. Notify the M.o.P. for medical care. Terminal data damage to this program. Conducting a remote transfer to an available mobile unit. Deleting hoofprint program. Catch you on the flipside,” the computer buzzed, and then it went dead.
I'm pretty sure that's a reference, but I don't know to what.
“Come on. This place has to have a café somewhere. I’m starving, and I imagine that after two centuries, you’d like a bite to eat too.” It was a gnawing discomfort in my gut, familiar and natural and so very welcome.
Nice touch.
I helped myself to some Sugar Apple Bombs cereal; they were no cyberpony cake, but then, what was?
We still don't know for sure that she would like them even as a normal pony. Might have a hard time eating them, too.
It took me fifteen minutes to find it, but yes, there it was, the glass bottle with its amber contents seeming to possess a faint aura accompanied by the singing of holy spirits.
That's a good pun.
“It’s too bad Glory’s not here. She could whip all of these into something fantastic. She really should have a cooking cutie mark,” I said as I took a seat, popped the cap off my bottle of amber heaven, and took a long pull.
Or, to pull a joke from FoE (though one that in context didn't help Velvet's case as Kindness): a cutie mark of Blackjack's stomach. Or just Blackjack, I suppose.
Oh, it burned! It burned like hell, and the warmth lifted me right to the tip of my horn. “Oooooeeeeahhh…” I groaned long and low, looking at the bottle. “I missed you.”
“You’re drinking?” Goldenblood asked incredulously as I returned.
He really hadn't been paying attention, had he?
He spoke as if addressing an idiot, which I couldn’t fault him for. He’d had a bad day.
And, well, you're only a few months removed from being an idiot.
“We don’t have a few days. I need something direct and to the point. I need… woo…” I caught myself. Wow. Only a fifth of a bottle, and I was already getting tipsy.
I'll admit, I'm surprised by this. Didn't she have more even from the very start? Though I suppose that for the first one, she never really tried getting up until just before Deus got there. And perhaps the mass is lower than her stable-fresh body was, and less used to processing things in general, not just alcohol.
“But nothing,” I said with a grin. “I’m getting out of here. I getting back to Glory. My friends. I’m going to stop Cognitum and Amadi. I’m going to get my baby back and be the best damned mommy I can be. And do you know why?”
His eyes widened, and he shook his head ever so slightly, as if afraid that the wrong answer might set me off.
“Because I’m Security, and I think I’ve had one too many,” I said, glancing at the bottle. Then I took one more pull and swallowed hard. “Yeah. Definitely one too many. Let’s ride, Goldie.”
There's been a lot of good speechifying going on. This is reminding me of "It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it."
And then "America, Fuck Yeah!" starts playing.
“Husband, perhaps we should–” Persephone began.
“No!” He stomped his foot. “It is time for these outsiders to know their place. I have tolerated that yellow strumpet. Tolerated the debaucheries she’s introduced. Tolerated the inclusion of more outsiders. Enough is enough!”
Persephone rolled her eyes. “Perhaps we should take this to the throne room where there is more space, fewer innocent bystanders, and less furniture to break?” she finished sharply, glaring at him and then me.
The king blinked. “Oh. Yes. Of course, dear. I need my sword, anyway.”
That got me laughing.
I’m sure that, had I not been inebriated, a much more touching reunion could have been arranged.
Probably unintentional, but the double entendre is pretty good there, considering one is Whisper.
“What’s your father’s shadowy talent power thingy?”
“Oblivion,” she answered.
I stopped in my tracks. “Seriously? Oblivion? What kind of power is that?! Why not just have an ‘I win’ power?”
Okay, maybe I was premature before. Is this anything like the Omega Beams?
Also, if my hopes will end up being dashed and Blackjack's Cutie Mark talent was/is "victory," then she isn't really one to talk, is she.
“I want his shadow talismany thingamajigger that will get me home,” I said. “Are there any rules? Like, no gelding?” My question made him blink. “What? I’ve only done it onc… er… twice! I think. Maybe three times…”
Timely, given the conversations yesterday or the day before.
“And husband? Your terms?”
The question shook him from his embarrassment. “Her life!” The stallion said, pointing the sword at me dramatically.
That kind of defeats the purpose of "until surrender or . . . slain or incapacitated." Well, I guess nothing's stopping him from being a dick. Unless he does end up gelded.
“Any who leave the circle of moonlight will forfeit. “Begin.”
So, Persephone is changing the terms? Clever, if she can pull it off.
And now that I was stuck to his rump, I brought my baton around and fell back to a tried and true crotch strike! The weighted head came down… and clanged against something metal that rang like a bell! “Oh come on! Nopony ever armors that!”
The sad thing is, it's basically true in this universe. But hey, it's not like she didn't give fair warning.
I sighed, raised my baton, and then flung my other weapon straight at his face. The glowing whiskey bottle arched straight and true. Of course, a bottle, even half filled with the fluid of heaven, wouldn’t do much to him. It might not even break. He could have deflected it… but he wouldn’t. No, he brought his sword right through the spinning glass. Time seemed to crawl a moment as it shattered into a dozen glistening shards. Glowing shards…
That I directed straight into his eyes.
Classic Blackjack.
“Surrender! This fight is over, love!” Persephone begged.
“Father, please!” screamed Tenebra.
“No!” roared the king. “I’ll die before I surrender!”
Fuck, what is with guys insisting on dying out of vanity today?
But all the batponies weren’t looking at me. They were staring at the crown. Tenebra was down with a seizure, but Stygius and five other ponies scrambled for the rolling crown. The circlet deflected off of one pony, then another, then off a pillar, and then disappeared into a patch of black energy. I watched dully as it seemed to expand then burst in a shower of gold and gem. A stunned silence filled the air. “Uh… hello?” I asked dully. “Talisman?”
Say it with me . . .
“It was on… the crown.”
Natch.
“So… what happens now?” I asked, the adrenaline wearing off and… oh... wow... gravity was heavy...
Her greatest nemesis, especially when teaming up with it's most powerful accomplice: large floating vehicles.
“Clear it with Glory first,” I said flippantly and received a hoof to the shoulder. Hard. “Ow... seriously though, how are you two doing?”
“How am I doing? How do you think I’m doing?” [Whisper] said crossly. “Why do you have a talent for fucking up the lives of everypony you run into?”
Still a better Cutie Mark talent than victory.
She smirked down at me, then turned back to Charm. “Anyway, I don’t know. She’s hurt and confused. Again, like most people you come in contact with,” Whisper growled, looking over at the filly.
That one wasn't her fault!
“Most of these ponies may be inbred, but they can still fight. Sort of. Half of them practically shit themselves when they saw the sky for the first time.
Kind of coming full circle to Blackjack's reaction on leaving the stable.
“Cyber zebra unicorns…” I frowned, something niggling in my mind. “Are they all mares?”
“The three I saw were.”
“And did they look identical?”
“Yeaaah... Why?” she asked with a scowl of bafflement. “You know them?”
I scowled. Cyber zebra unicorns... I really… really wanted to see Morning Glory again, but if I was right… “I think I might.”
. . . Silver Stripe? Clones, I'd hope, but I wouldn't be too surprised if it were the real deal.
I adjusted my purple armor and sword – really, a baton was more my thing where melee weapons were concerned, but if I was lucky, I’d find somepony I could trade the sword to for a gun – and checked Charm one last time, then teleported straight to the Collegiate.
Is it really? I got that with the spear, sure, but come on, she loved the dragon claw and the starmetal sword, used them all the time. Gelded a guy with the former.
As we skirted the edge of the river, I kept my eyes open for raiders, gangers, ghouls, or giant talking frogs.
Man, that frog was unexpectedly problematic. Good idea to watch out for them. And that was near the Collegiate, wasn't it?
“Uh, maybe you didn’t hear me. I’m Security. I need to talk to Triage. Right now,” I said as I approached the gate guards.
“Right. And I’m the Lightbringer,” drawled the earth pony guard, a stallion to boot. “Go piss off.”
“I’ve got a kid who’s hurt!” I snapped. “You guys do healing, last I checked!” I shifted the cloak enough so they could see the filly beneath.
The two looked at the filly sourly. “You got caps? The machine’s not cheap,” a stallion said.
My jaw nearly hit the mud. Why no, actually, now that he mentioned it. “This is Charm, Grace’s sister. I’m sure she’ll cover the cost.”
Tough not having anyone recognize you. Losing the Reaper discount (that I guess she never really used much) doesn't help much, either.
“Triage isn’t here?” My ears folded back. “She’s always here!”
“Yeah. She was called to a big meeting at the Society. By Security. Imagine that.” The guard sneered at me, and I felt my confidence waver. If nopony believed who I was... if Glory and P-21 didn’t believe…
Oh, come on! He's not at least recognizing the face? The voice? Sure, she was flux-poisoned at the time, but I don't think those where things that were quite as changed.
He rolled his eyes with a long-suffering sigh as he took my belongings and the filly. “Yes. You are a very good Security. You got the mane and coat down perfectly. Bravo.”
Hmm. Okay.
My thoughts stopped as I saw her. Dusky gray hide and wings… bright purple mane… Dashite cutie mark. I walked towards her as if in a dream. The universe had finally, finally thrown me a bone. Of course Morning Glory would be back here
Which sister is it?
Wait. That’s not a mare’s tongue.
I broke away and goggled at the gray effeminate stallion I had my hooves around. “Oh, don’t stop there!” he begged with a lazy grin. “I live for moments like this.”
Whoa. Well, that explains that.
“Anyway, if you’re going to make a serious run for playing Security, and who can blame you, use a cutie mark decal.” He nodded to armored Blackjack, and she rolled her eyes and levitated over a small box. Inside was a decal of Velvet Remedy’s nightingale cutie mark and a small can like a dash inhaler. “Just get one of Blackjack’s cutie mark, spray it on your flank, and voila! Get some old stable barding and you could be Security, fresh from the stable!” he said in a breathless voice.
Man, this is surreal.
Now or never. I didn’t have a gun or even that fancy armor. All I had was my magic and whatever I could improvise. A smarter pony would have gone after Triage. Maybe tried to convince Sagittarius. Come back later… except… Except after talking to those two, I needed this. I had to show that I was the real Security, not those fakes. Not Cognitum.
Interesting that this same theme would arise again, even—indeed, immediately after!—getting her own body back, just with her own identity rather than being a pony.
Then I look a deep breath, walked slowly out of the rings of racks, and said loudly, “You were the spy. And you’re still a spy.”
Professor Zodiac slowly turned, her two eye panels focusing on me and widening in shock. “Blackjack? I… how did you get here?”
There we go.
“...glad to remind you that only in unity can we stand against this threat. The zebras have begun their final assault. In every corner of the Hoof, they have begun a slow advance in to our territory. The Harbingers will require all your assistance in repelling and annihilating this dire threat to Equestria,” Cognitum said calmly, making the word ‘our’ sound remarkably like ‘my’. “As one, we have the strength of unity to end this threat and unite into a glorious future!”
I mean, a lot can happen in three months, but this doesn't sound like Blackjack at all!
“Stop!” P-21 shouted, running over to stand over Big Daddy’s smoking body. He glared up at me. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Blackjack?” I saw the anger and confusion in my friend’s features.
Well, it's not the first time he's asked things like that. Just somehow, I don't think they were under quite so unambiguous circumstances.
“Has anyone even tried talking to them?” Glory asked loudly, walking over the stand next to him. “The zebra refugees from the Remnant have no clue about these attacks. If anything, they’ve been attacked too. We haven’t heard from Lancer yet. Sekashi and he must have some idea why they’re attacking suddenly for no reason.”
“They’re attacking us because they hate us. It’s as simple as that,” Cognitum said coldly. “The Legate has made his interests abundantly clear. He wishes to annihilate us all!”
Moving beyond diction, the content is all wrong. There's no desire to understand, convert, or give a chance to do better, and I think even at her worst Blackjack tended to think in terms of motivations beyond hate.
“But why you, Blackjack? You’ve never wanted to lead anypony before. We could work as a war council. Each group can have a seat and we can work out the best way to resolve this,” Glory asked, reasonably.
Seriously, that too.
And under me, the Legate will be crushed. Under me, Hoofington will rise!”
Come on, someone has to catch that.
Think of the children,” she said with a wave of her hoof at Charity and Scotch Tape.
“The children are adding a five percent sanctimony fee, so thank you for your thought,” Charity snapped back.
You got me laughing with "Think of the children"; Charity doubled it.
Then her saw cut into my side. It wasn’t a big blade, just a small surgical saw. Still, it had more than enough bite to split hide and then chew into a rib.
She's had worse from surgical saws.
Then she exploded. Well, not all of her. Just everything from horn to shoulders. Her head evaporated in a directed blast that continued into and through the wall above my head. “Y’hal talsh ta much,” a stallion drawled in a muddled voice from the doorway. A heavily bandaged brown pegasus in a floppy black hat pointed the largest rifle in existence at where the cyber unicorn’s torso still stood.
I was not expecting this.
“It’s a long and complicated story,” I said,
I think we have a winner for the line from this chapter that best sums up the story as a whole.
“I think that’s my fault,” a mare said from the doorway. The dusky gray mare with the striped blue mane gave a slightly sheepish smile as she walked into the lab.
Whelp, hopefully this won't be too painful.
One wall was covered with bounty posters from all over Equestria. One of them was even mine... gosh, fifty thousand caps dead, a hundred thousand alive. Those were the days... ‘Not worth it’ was written in red ink across my face.
Yeah, sounds about right.
“Wow. With this many horns in the room, we’re either going to produce a megaspell or a gaming group,” Life Bloom quipped, prompting a few meager chuckles. They died quickly.
Eh, wasn't Tenpony pretty heavily unicorn, especially the Twilight Society? I guess it was meant to be a weak joke, though.
“Now can I please go?” I asked as I rose to my hooves. Tired. Sore. Hungry. Grumpy.
. . . Sleepy. Sneezy. Bashful. Dopey. Happy. She killed Doc, though. That's why she was there.
“Blackjack, think! If the other you really is part of this show, how long do you think it’ll last once she finds out you escaped? How long until the show ends and the killing starts?” he asked me. I stared at him, quivering. I could go. I could just teleport out before he bubbled me again. It hurt! He softened his tone. “Just give me a few hours. I’ll send out the Zodiacs to make contact with the other factions. We need to meet up. Organize. Discuss everything that’s going on.”
Parallel war councils. I like it.
I glanced back at her and saw her gentle smile urging patience. She was going to be kept from LittlePip. She understood the frustration of being separated from the one you loved.
Except she wasn't, and while sure, she would, that was more Littlepip's fault than anything else.
As painful as it was, I couldn’t go rushing off. I had responsibilities. Duties. Obligations.
I hated every last one of them.
Yeah. Kind of rough, but it's been what she's been growing towards for a long time. Even as she's tried to run from them.
I reared onto my hind legs and smacked my forehooves on the tabletop. “Fine. But I want the meeting in Chapel. We can meet in the remains of the Blueblood Manor. It should be a wide open and neutral place.” And hopefully Glory would be there.
No, hopefully she won't be there. Seems to me like the last thing you want is to send word to the group that has Cognitum in it, risking alerting her before you're ready.
“Tell me about it.” She sighed, flipping her sodden mane out of her eyes. “I mean... I know I was pretty cheery on my last broadcast after the big battle. But... well...” she tapped her hooves together.
“Aren’t you supposed to be Honesty?” I asked with a smirk.
“There’s honesty, and then there’s Honesty!” Homage countered with a frown.
Well, by this point it hadn't been confirmed. Still just Littlepip's speculation. Good jab though. And hey, it's not like that one little thing on its own would have made much difference either way given a life built on deceit.
And it wasn’t an outright lie.
Fuck you, Homage. Okay, really, that's fine. But fuck you as Honesty. That's the real problem.
“We contacted the Society at Elysium as soon as you left. To tell Triage about all of this and find out what Cognitum is doing. Cognitum’s left for the Luna space center with only a hoofful of ponies.”
I don't think it was smart, unless they got the info first, which I have to assume they did. Happy for Blackjack, at least.
If I could get the Zodiacs, Calamity, Velvet, the alicorns... maybe we could take my body back. Maybe Virgo could take Cognitum out and put me in. Maybe... and on the other hoof, I knew where Glory was going to be. I could leave right now. The plan was already in motion. The others didn’t need me! I could go and be in her embrace again and talk and make it all better.
Well, the thing is, on a higher level, it is all about you. So they probably need you yet.
I levitated a bowl over, filling it and listening to the powder-covered red bits tinkling against the ceramic. Then I added brahmin milk and levitated the bowl to the table. Slowly, I slipped into the seat, and... and...
I watched my cereal darken and get soggy. A spoon lay unattended, jutting out to the side. I pressed my hooves to my head as the normalcy began to crush me beneath its hoof. I clenched my eyes shut as tears ran down my cheeks. Oh Celestia, it was too much!
This time it's more like normal responses to stress, but there are echoes of the run-up to "Reaper" here. The insufferable gnawing pulling her towards activity, even when the best thing to do is nothing. At least this time, her desire is to be reunited instead of needing separation.
I don’t know how long we were like that. Seconds? Eternities? The blob of cereal on my spoon quivered and then plopped back into the bowl, followed a second later by the spoon itself. Glory’s eyes bored into me, pupils constricting as she seemed to wind tighter and tighter. Say something, Blackjack, I hissed to myself. Something. Anything!
The corner of my mouth curled up in desperate hope. “Um... hi.”
She smiled, and for an instant everything was alright. Somehow, I’d make everything good again. But her smile didn’t stop. It became a grimace. Then there were tears springing down her cheeks as she screamed at top of her lungs, “Get out!”
Now I'm reminded of her last homecoming to Star House. Somehow I doubt this one will be resolved by bondage, though.
- Chapter Sixty Eight Editing:
get rid of the capital in "programMed"
I hated her pinkie sense.
"Pinkie Sense"
“My mother, Sun Dancer, took me all across the world.”
In the one other case you used her name (chapter 35) it was all one word.
she murmured over and over “Shh. Shh.” and “It’s
first quotation should end with a comma
I would have liked to know about Cognitum before I left 99, and that Rivets hadn’t purged the system… EC-1101… You…
"You" shouldn't be capitalized
Before me appeared an image of the Fluttershy medical center.
"Fluttershy Medical Center"
Me myself and I.
commas?
You know how clever he is” I gave a tiny little smile
missing period
“Yes, you are. To Tartarus,” the king said as he snapped his wings once and landed at the other end of the aisle between the rows of tables.
Isn't this the kind of thing you just use "hell" for? Unless he's actually planning on banishing her to that real, physical (or whatever) place?
“Her life!” The stallion said,
"The" shouldn't be capitalized
“Any who leave the circle of moonlight will forfeit. “Begin.”
Delete the quotation mark before "Begin"
“Okay. So this Oblivion thingy power.
That's the only time it's capitalized except at the beginning of a sentence
Strike that, breathing hurt. Oh, that wasn’t
patch of black energy. Stygius and
only one space after period
Sanguine was my father, or close as I had one,
"had to one" or just "had"?
“Honestly Aero...”
comma after "Honestly"?
and a half -dozen legs dangled around a levitation talisman.
"half dozen" or "half-dozen"
little rat’s nest of secrets. Cognitum immediately
only one space after period
Other ponies I could make out were Finders, Paladin Stronghoof
should have only one space after the comma
“You think we’re just going to march on your say so?”
"say so" should be hyphenated.
indecision and bickering? Only united under one ruler
only one space after question mark
I walked away from the Professor, towards the bound and hidden Virgo
"Professor" shouldn't be capitalized“
Thanks Velvet,” I said, certain that this had
comma after Thanks
Blackjack’d be right proud of what y’all are doin,”
apostrophe for "doin"
Though ‘barn bucked loco’ is what I’d call em,” Calamity said as he looked back at me. “Shoot. Folks out east is twigged like nopony I ain’t never seen
apostrophe for "em"
but maybe somepony said somethin.
apostrophe for "somethin"
didn’t care about being like a hero. Then these ponies with
I didn’t think they’d take me so literally. I mean,
only one space after period
Homage, Calamity, and Velvet Remedy, along the red-and-pink-maned unicorn stallion Life Bloom, were all
"along with"?
When I finished, it seemed like everypony was sharing my headache. Calamity summed it up best. “Remember them good old days when the worst we had to worry ‘bout was gettin’ killed and eaten by raiders? I sure do miss them.”
Did the raiders out in their area eat people? There was Arbu, but that was a special case, and they never really worried about it since Littlepip was in the middle of exterminating them by the time she told them.
“Well, I never thought about it ‘till today, but... yes.
no apostrophe for "till"
We won’t be able to adjust them remotely.” Virgo said with a small nod.
quotation should end with comma, not period
Thunderheads. The SPP.
"S.P.P."
“‘Till then, got to keep people’s spirits up and put a positive spin on things, right?”
no apostrophe for "till"
Cognitum’s left for the Luna space center with only a hoofful of ponies.
"Luna Space Center"
And I’ll walk if I don’t.” I told her evenly.
quotation should end with comma, should have only one space after quotation
In one of the cupboards was a box of Apple Sugar bombs.
"Sugar Apple Bombs"
The road to Tartarus is paved in them, right?”
Again, this is something you normally just used "hell" for. In fact, from chapter twenty:
“You’re talking to me?” he said from my left, where he was sitting and looking at the grave solemnly. I glared at him hatefully. He returned my gaze and had the audacity to look upset. “Yeah, it’s an old theme. The road to hell and all that.”
Oh, and somehow I don't think that the only prisoner of Tartarus we ever knew of, Tirek, paved his way with good intentions. Just saying.
- Other Editing:
What’s your Pinkie sense saying!
"Pinkie Sense"
Also in the chapter quotation for chapter 54 (and the associated part on the hub page), but I know you treat those differently.
…No idea what happened there.Icy Shake wrote:get rid of the capital in "programMed"
[shrugs]Icy Shake wrote:Isn't this the kind of thing you just use "hell" for? Unless he's actually planning on banishing her to that real, physical (or whatever) place?
I think that the current version works, though. If nothing else, it's just Hades being a bit odd.
Eh, I'm sure some of them did, but I've changed it to "Remember them good old days when the worst we had to worry ‘bout was raiders killin’ us and usin’ our insides fer decoration?" anyway.Icy Shake wrote:Did the raiders out in their area eat people?
I know, right? :DIcy Shake wrote:NOBODY COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.
…Huh. The quotes do kind of match. That sure is a nice coinci-- Um. I mean. YES, BOW BEFORE OUR BRILLIANCE! For this was completely intentional and definitely not something that we were all too tired to notice!Icy Shake wrote:This is making me think I may have been right in my prediction things would play out like "A Canterlot Wedding" part one, just on a later timeline than anticipated.
Maybe our subconsciouses were being more clever than we were here…
Hm. I disagree. Pushing the mare down the mineshaft was done in cold blood, in a controlled manner, and because he'd concluded that it was an unpleasant necessity. The incident with Pinkie Pie was something in his head finally getting wound too tightly and going sproing.Icy Shake wrote:I guess, but come on. This guy pushed a mare down a mineshaft.
:DIcy Shake wrote:Bear in mind that "Today's Issue Canceled Due to Nuclear Armageddon" already happened in this one.
Fun fact: We were here calling Amadi a cargo cultist in an earlier draft, but it turned out that a: most people, if they've heard of cargo cults at all, apparently think that they're just a trope rather than an actual anthropological thing and b: none of us could think of something in the history of this world that would have spurred the creation of the term here. Ah well.Icy Shake wrote:Worshipping a machine for longer than Cognitum's template had been alive, let alone free.
Ah, but consider what Blackjack is doing here: she is deliberately using it as a trope as part of a performance.Icy Shake wrote:Minor bad taste in the mouth since I've never cared much for the whole "corrupted virtues" thing, or at least the overuse and misapplication.
Hah, I didn't notice that one! :DIcy Shake wrote:Probably unintentional, but the double entendre is pretty good there, considering one is Whisper.
Well, yeah, but those were both special weapons (and, in the sword's case, weapons interested in being used…). This is, to Blackjack, just an ordinary lump of sharpened metal. A historian would probably scream in horror at her treating such a priceless artifact that way, but a historian Blackjack is not.Icy Shake wrote:Is it really? I got that with the spear, sure, but come on, she loved the dragon claw and the starmetal sword, used them all the time. Gelded a guy with the former.
:DIcy Shake wrote:I think we have a winner for the line from this chapter that best sums up the story as a whole.
That was pretty much Somber's reaction when he was heading in to write her, too. I don't really mind Homage that much, as far as I can remember. I mean, I don't particularly like her, but I don't particularly dislike her either.Icy Shake wrote:Whelp, hopefully this won't be too painful.
[quote-"Icy Shake"]. . . Sleepy. Sneezy. Bashful. Dopey. Happy. She killed Doc, though. That's why she was there.[/quote]
:)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Jul 14, 2014 5:23 am
I did, very much so. *hugs again a little*O. Hinds wrote:Enjoy, Ryx!WavemasterRyx wrote:Well gdocs is still being silly, but I got my copy downloaded, and I am definitely looking forward to reading it tonight.
*hugs Somber very gently again too* I really hope you'll be okay, sir. Please try to take care of yourself... I hope you feel better from the after-con soon, and I'm so very happy you enjoyed yourself while you were there. There could be worse things than moving to Seattle, if they happened to have an opening...
Well... I thought it was a fantastic chapter, sir...
- Initial thoughts:
"I'm sure plenty of ponies would find it terrifying but my drunken haze blurred all that away; I thought only one thing: 'Goddesses, he's slow.'" - I agree with Derpmind, this line is just incredibly funny.
"Her yellow eyes were troubled, and she glared off to the side." - This will need to be checked (and I don't remember if it might be mentioned other times in this or last chapter), but I believe Whisper had blue eyes.
Blackjack really takes a lot of damage this chapter... I'm not sure which hurts more though, being thrashed so thoroughly, or questioning who she is because of the impersonators...
And that ending... definitely very ouch.
I'll try to get my full comments done as soon as I can... hopefully less than a week this time...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Exodus Hero Mon Jul 14, 2014 6:15 am
- Rant/Personal Tastes??:
- I enjoyed the chapter up until the original FoE characters stepped in and started doing stuff. Not that I hate the characters, but I felt PH was very much enclosed in its own world and untouched by dealings outside of its sphere of influence with minor exceptions. With these characters now in the picture, I feel a sort of suspense has been sucked out of the story and made the ending of this particular chapter, which should have been very enjoyable, instead feel very hollow.
The reason being that the original FoE characters seem to have an immunity aura around them and myself as the reader don't feel any concern for what happens to them as they'll make it out just fine in the end. I suppose the epilogue in the original FoE kinda makes this point moot as everything is sunshine and rainbows in the end, but I kind of felt that perhaps PH would spill past a certain point and keep wonder in excitement in the story.
As it stands, the chapter has left a bitter taste in my mouth. If anyone can throw me a bone here and perhaps say something like, "Hey Exodus, you have the original timelines mixed up!" or something to get the good feeling back to the story, I would very much appreciate it, because I do love these characters Somber has created and don't want the discontented feeling until the next chapter comes out.
Rant/Personal Taste aside, many thanks for the new chapter PH team. Hope things go well on the home-front Somber, I'll pray for you.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Silver136 Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:34 am
swicked wrote:
...and I have nothing to add. Goodnight everypony!
I lol'd.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by OneMoreDaySK Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:41 am
@Cai
A tad late, but welcome back!
A tad late, but welcome back!
- Re: Chapter 68:
More Blackjack introspection. Amused that she befuddles even Goldenblood. Also, can't really think of any truly friendly technological-related minds for Blackjack. Let's see, we have Cogitum, who's crazy, Echo, who just backstabbed her in recent chapters, and the insane 40 foals who gutted her the first time. Closest I can think of is the Happyhorn A.I. who wanted to help.
Reunion just happened, which was hilarious. Still don't know why King is being stupidly persistent. Had he let her out, BPM would have remained hidden. Something something <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HonorBeforeReason">tvtropes link</a>.
Cosplayers were amusing, and a bit odd. Cameo happened. Bit odd seeing the FO:E cast there though. Question is will Littlepip somehow be keeping an eye on Blackjack?
Once again, there is a shocked / angry Glory cliffhanger ending.
Say what you will, but Drunk!Jack gets stuff done.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:10 am
Great chapter. That last line was like a dagger in the heart!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:43 am
I see you hiding in this chapter, Human Revolution.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vinylshadow Mon Jul 14, 2014 11:24 am
Great, now I have to stop reading replies or else people are going to spoil 68 for me...
Well, I'll read it tonight then~
*curses the one item that eludes my 100% completion rate in AM2R* Already had to look up a walkthrough on how to get that one Super Missile Tank in the dark area...
Well, I'll read it tonight then~
*curses the one item that eludes my 100% completion rate in AM2R* Already had to look up a walkthrough on how to get that one Super Missile Tank in the dark area...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 1:46 pm
Nope, yellow. Or they're supposed to be, at any rate. If you find a place where they're described as blue, please let us know.Ryx wrote:This will need to be checked (and I don't remember if it might be mentioned other times in this or last chapter), but I believe Whisper had blue eyes.
That may not be a valid assumption to make. :)Exodus Hero wrote:The reason being that the original FoE characters seem to have an immunity aura around them and myself as the reader don't feel any concern for what happens to them as they'll make it out just fine in the end.
I mean, I'm not saying that any of them will die, but I don't recall whether Somber wants to keep fully in continuity with the ten year epilogue…
Where do the timelines come into it?Exodus Hero wrote:"Hey Exodus, you have the original timelines mixed up!"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Jul 14, 2014 2:42 pm
Oh... dear...O. Hinds wrote:Nope, yellow. Or they're supposed to be, at any rate. If you find a place where they're described as blue, please let us know.Ryx wrote:This will need to be checked (and I don't remember if it might be mentioned other times in this or last chapter), but I believe Whisper had blue eyes.
"She laughed as her blue eyes looked down at me. 'Aww... do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?'" Was her first appearance in Chapter 24, and as far as I can remember, they have been mentioned as such since then, which would be a whole lot of ground to cover...
It's also going to ruin a lot of artists' days, since pretty much mine is the only picture where she's had yellow eyes, and that was on accident...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:01 pm
...Ah. Well that's... nice.
...Hm.
Was I wrong about them being meant to be yellow, maybe?
Well, I'm a bit low on time at the moment (I'll be getting ready for class in about fifteen minutes, and after class I've got a big project to work on), and I don't know which way I'd correct this anyway. I'll email Somber and get to it later... though, if it turns out that I'm right about them being golden, I may need to request Icy Shake's help in finding all the blue ones.
...Hm.
Was I wrong about them being meant to be yellow, maybe?
Well, I'm a bit low on time at the moment (I'll be getting ready for class in about fifteen minutes, and after class I've got a big project to work on), and I don't know which way I'd correct this anyway. I'll email Somber and get to it later... though, if it turns out that I'm right about them being golden, I may need to request Icy Shake's help in finding all the blue ones.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:03 pm
There, email sent. I don't know how long it will take Somber to get back to me, though. He might see this issue here first.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:29 pm
- I'm still reading but this bothered me:
- Chapter 68 wrote: "Why did what she said... matter?
The wording is odd. This is probably not a better solution but maybe it is. "Why was what she said... important?" I don't know. I'm sure someone else has a better solution. something about the wording bothered me. No idea if it's technically correct or not.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Mon Jul 14, 2014 4:18 pm
Well...some of that was definitely unexpected.
Moving in on that big battle that's coming up in the story. It'll be here very soon. I can feel it.
In other news, this kept motherfucking popping up all the goddamn time while I was reading, and it made me want to put my fist though my monitor. Fuck you, Google:
- Spoiler:
- "I'd considered a career in engineering, but I couldn't handle the math."
Story of my goddamn life.
I like how BJ managed to outwit Hades like that. Sucks that the castle's visible and under attack right now.
Also, I made an audible sputtering noise when she nonchalantly "shoved" Goldenblood and Whisper together. I think that was my brain stopping.
All those goddamn impersonators. Sheesh...nothing is ever easy.
Welp, Zodiac was certifiably evil. At least she's out of the picture.
Also, it appears that Rampage isn't helping the situation at all.
Side note: I'm happy about the fighting tricks BJ is still managing to pull off despite not being cybernetic anymore.
Whoa...didn't expect Littlepip's gang to be showing up at all.
Aaaaaaand cliffhanger. Can't wait to see how she talks this over with Glory.
Moving in on that big battle that's coming up in the story. It'll be here very soon. I can feel it.
In other news, this kept motherfucking popping up all the goddamn time while I was reading, and it made me want to put my fist though my monitor. Fuck you, Google:
- fuck. you.:
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 26 Frustr10](https://i.servimg.com/u/f39/17/84/70/48/frustr10.png)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Mon Jul 14, 2014 4:28 pm
O. Hinds wrote:...Ah. Well that's... nice.
...Hm.
Was I wrong about them being meant to be yellow, maybe?
Well, I'm a bit low on time at the moment (I'll be getting ready for class in about fifteen minutes, and after class I've got a big project to work on), and I don't know which way I'd correct this anyway. I'll email Somber and get to it later... though, if it turns out that I'm right about them being golden, I may need to request Icy Shake's help in finding all the blue ones.
Ah, I'm sorry, sir...O. Hinds wrote:There, email sent. I don't know how long it will take Somber to get back to me, though. He might see this issue here first.
Honestly I'd probably be the only one upset by them being officially yellow for "causing trouble for everyone", it probably wouldn't bother anyone else... Though yeah, asking Icy Shake for help either way seems like a good plan.
I hope your class and project go okay, and I'm sorry again.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Jul 14, 2014 5:22 pm
I liked the Enclave best in New Vegas, which is strange because they don't really exist beyond a handful of old people. The Enclave was portrayed as anything but a homogeneous evil empire, with its people fighting for any number of reasons beyond killing your dad and screwing over everybody else in the Wasteland. There were some who honestly believed in the ideals of the 'Murica, there were those that believed that it was best option for peace, there were those who just didn't have any other options.SilentCarto wrote:No argument on that, though I'm curious whether you're implying you liked them better in FO2. They were still reprehensible, of course, but at least in FO2 they served the same function as the super mutants in FO1.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Train Dodger Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:00 pm
A few more fixes for the new chapter:
- Chapter 68 Proofing:
- “I suspect that ‘Eater of Souls’ is slight misnomer.
Grammar: is slight > is a slightHe might be off the mattress, but he hadn’t gotten far.
Prose: might be > might have been OR might be > might've beenIt felt odd; I’d expected… well… more of being a patent.
Grammar: patent > patientI hissed softly through my teeth; Charm had given up a lot of save me.
Grammar: of > toThe rest of the details were pretty fuzzy, but as least I could remember that.
Grammar: as least > at leastThe whispers began to spread, and somepony cried out that Professor had been killed.
Grammar: that Professor > that the ProfessorMy tantrum had been a pitiful amount of destruction compared to the devastation than the one beam from the core had wrought.
Grammar: than > that
I totally lost it at the part with the cosplayers.
One of the best chapters in Book 5 so far.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:42 pm
Okay, Psychohy's eyes are supposed to be blue. Oops. I'll be working on that once I finish this latest round of 68 corrections.
Right, now to see about those eyes…
Hm, I can sort of see that. I've tweaked the wording.Last wrote:
- I'm still reading but this bothered me:
The wording is odd. This is probably not a better solution but maybe it is. "Why was what she said... important?" I don't know. I'm sure someone else has a better solution. something about the wording bothered me. No idea if it's technically correct or not.
No problem, and thanks. And as for the class and project, it turns out that the project is much easier than I thought. The professor just left, oh, a rather large number of important details off the assignment. And then wondered why so many students were confused.Ryx wrote:Ah, I'm sorry, sir...
Honestly I'd probably be the only one upset by them being officially yellow for "causing trouble for everyone", it probably wouldn't bother anyone else... Though yeah, asking Icy Shake for help either way seems like a good plan.
I hope your class and project go okay, and I'm sorry again.
Ah, thank you.Train Dodger wrote:A few more fixes for the new chapter:
- Chapter 68 Proofing:
Grammar: is slight > is a slightHe might be off the mattress, but he hadn’t gotten far.
Prose: might be > might have been OR might be > might've beenIt felt odd; I’d expected… well… more of being a patent.
Grammar: patent > patientI hissed softly through my teeth; Charm had given up a lot of save me.
Grammar: of > toThe rest of the details were pretty fuzzy, but as least I could remember that.
Grammar: as least > at leastThe whispers began to spread, and somepony cried out that Professor had been killed.
Grammar: that Professor > that the ProfessorMy tantrum had been a pitiful amount of destruction compared to the devastation than the one beam from the core had wrought.
Grammar: than > that
I totally lost it at the part with the cosplayers.
One of the best chapters in Book 5 so far.
Right, now to see about those eyes…
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 8:58 pm
Okay, I think that the eyes are fixed now. There's one more instance I found in the deleted scene, but I decided to leave that one.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by CD Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:38 pm
On a more positive note, Blackjack found a way to escape Hades' realm that didn't involve the most sumptuous, succulent blowjob a mare has ever given. Pity.
On a depressing note, the more Blackjack talks about how much she wants to reunite with Glory, the more I believe Glory's not gonna live at the end. Fallout just likes to hit you with those gut punches that make you double over, gasping 'why?'.
On a depressing note, the more Blackjack talks about how much she wants to reunite with Glory, the more I believe Glory's not gonna live at the end. Fallout just likes to hit you with those gut punches that make you double over, gasping 'why?'.
- Spoiler:
- As to that fight against Hades, the way she was going to wield a spear, drank a bottle of whiskey right before it, her supreme overconfidence, and the general speed vs. strength made me feel sure this was going to go just like the Viper and the Mountain. I was expecting Blackjack to win, only to then have Hades gouge out her eyes and pop her head like a zit. Not that that ever keeps Blackjack down for long.
Every moment we see of the Society with Cognitum is just painful. I kept expecting ninjas to kill half the assembled ponies. But even forgetting that, you just want to scream at the monitor that she's an imposter, get out of there you idiots, she's going to have you all killed! Helplesness at its finest.
Silver Stripe died rather easily though, moreso than the Think Tank. A little anticlimactic.
And that cliffhanger. I thought this chapter would sate my thirst for ponies for a week, but now I want to know what Cognitum did to make Glory hate Blackjack. Or worse, that it's not Cognitum's fault, and Glory really want to burn that bridge knowing it's the real Blackjack. This will only end in tears.
Last edited by CD on Tue Jul 15, 2014 1:15 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:13 pm
The Viper and the Mountain?
The tag is "spoiler", not "hide".
The tag is "spoiler", not "hide".
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Guest Mon Jul 14, 2014 10:41 pm
Chapter 68
Sorry if those thoughts just come off as bitching. I don't really know how to give them. I might be able to work it out eventually though.
- thoughts:
"We like to believe we have freewil, that we are in control of our destinies. Then we find out we have far less control then we like."
"eliminating destructive and unnecessary free will"
GB seems conflicted on whether or not free will exists.
"Self defense"
Well technically this would count. If she doesn't kill him she gets vaporized by laser turrets. You could hardly call someone who killed another person with a gun to their head a murderer.
Anyone remember if BJ killed the Peco's mare? I'm not sure if she's missing from the execution scene. Pretty sure GB or the computer tried the mercy kill angle.
After BJ negotiates with the AI I'm convinced we need a story about a future hacker who steals credit card and other sensitive information by talking with the AI that manages it. This security system is just a little silly.
"He spoke as if adressing an idiot."
Given the circumstances... You are drinking and there is the issue of time. But don't let that stop you. I'm loving the hard time you're giving him.
"I will obliterate you anon!"
Wat.
"Tenebra/BJ and Stygius/BJ Kiss"
Glory may need to give you a list.
"That's basically her version of a victory dance."
Aww. Poor thing.
"It hadn't been acessed since shadowbolt tower."
Three months ago. And they were pretty much mass produced then.
"I really... Really wanted to see Morning Glory again."
Weirdly formal there BJ. Not like the reunion is going to be strictly business.
"Asking Glory."
Tenebra, find yourself a mare that's for you. Maybe she's not a hero but still it looks like you're just into BJ because she saved you. Maybe she's not looking for a relationship, personally it doesn't look like she wants just sex. Besides she'd worked a lot better with a doctor. Afterall her seizing out might extend to the bedroom. My two cents.
"Why no, actually, now that you mentioned it."
BJ, you should know those freebies have their limits. Has Charity taught you nothing?
"Impostors"
Convincing Glory shouldn't be too bad. Just say Fallen Glory or Go Fish.
Not sure if I'm alone here but I thought Calamity was drunk.
Don't really see the point in baiting Zodiac into a fight like BJ did. I don't mean to be an asshole but it seems like the only reason she did that was to get around the "I'm not an executioner" thing. But if she's actively working ways around it then she's fooling herself. But I guess if it gets her to kill the dangerous people then fine.
And it ends with Glory. No idea if she knows this is the real BJ or not. In the months BJ was watching through the perceptitron she never saw an impostor but that doesn't mean Glory hasn't come into contact with them. Doesn't mean she has either.
I liked the later parts of the chapter. Not really a fan of GB, up till they got out the pod he kinda felt like an obstacle if I'm honest. Tenebra had some cute/sad momemts. Glad we're done with Stygius it seems.
Not sure if Pip's gang being involved is a good thing or a bad thing. We might get to see Homage fight, that's not something we saw in the orginal.
Definitely want to see what's going on with Glory. I think that the only thing that could really hurt Glory is something that made her reflect on their relationship in some way. Not something that could be solely blamed on Cognitum. While it could really be as simple as something like Cognitum struck her. I find it hard to believe that's what it is.
- editing:
"More of being a patent"
Patient*
"Charm had given up alot of save me"
To*
Sorry if those thoughts just come off as bitching. I don't really know how to give them. I might be able to work it out eventually though.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Scienza Mon Jul 14, 2014 11:19 pm
*CRUNCH-splort*O. Hinds wrote:The Viper and the Mountain?
The tag is "spoiler", not "hide".
And yes, I done got m'self spoilt. I really need to stop checking my notifications before I finish the chapter.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Mon Jul 14, 2014 11:19 pm
Yeah, it's been a problem for a lot of us. You can probably view the page fine in Chrome, or if you really want it in Firefox you can open it in Chrome, save a copy to your own Drive account, and view the copy in Firefox.RoboRed wrote:In other news, this kept motherfucking popping up all the goddamn time while I was reading, and it made me want to put my fist though my monitor. Fuck you, Google:
- fuck. you.:
- Chapter Sixty Eight Overall Thoughts:
- This chapter's strongest suit was easily its comedy. It wasn't always the most overt sort, but I don't think it was ever gone for long outside of a few expositional segments or parts of the beginning. From manipulating the computer to drunken shenanigans with Whisper and the royal family and the way the fight with Hades was handled, through the copies (by way of dropping Charm repeatedly) and the travails of getting people to believe she was herself, and finishing with just dropping the floor out from under Blackjack right as she was getting to a point where she might have been getting under control, the humor was consistently working for me. I rather expect that it will serve as a pleasant, upbeat transition between dealing with Goldenblood immediately before to drama with Glory and the rest and a whole lot happening really fast on the back end.
On which note, Blackjack had some great opportunities to deliver speeches, and gave them with style. I think that this was probably the time where she didn't just show that she isn't an executioner, but why, and why it matters so much to her, where in the past there's been doubt—not so much about what she'd do, but in whether it was right, or why she needed to be that way. Beyond that, she and Goldenblood have great chemistry together in general, which is I suppose to be expected.
It was too bad that more time couldn't have been spent with the batponies, but frankly it's clear that that wasn't really an option. I just hope that we'll get to see more of the resolution between Goldenblood and Whisper and the batponies as a whole and the forces for change they are now facing.
The imitations completely caught me off guard. It's just not something I would have expected to see in a story, and not on that scale. That's particularly the case since they've almost never been in any way covert, at least since Deus was defeated. But I like that it's added, however temporarily, a challenge on an axis that Blackjack wasn't expecting. Moreover, identity is a tool that the story has consistently used well, and while it's still too early to say for sure in this case, the signs are pointing to this working out, too. That it echoes Blackjack's feelings following her cyberization seems appropriate, and insofar as it separates her from her normal support group—and in a way stronger than mere distance, especially since that wasn't a choice this time—it could be a harsh trial. I don't know how much I expect things to play out that way, though, given the relative ease (aided, true, by a carefully cultivated witness and a scene break) she got the Collegiate and Littlepip's group behind her. Of course, what could really throw a wrench in that is whatever Cognitum used to convince them of her identity even—especially!—given her poor job of imitating Blackjack's diction and character. (I think it would be wonderful, by the way, if it turned out to be the case that Cognitum and Amadi had been in some way subtly encouraging the direct imitation of the heroes of the Wastes, lending an even greater Changeling feel to that trend.) Especially with Lacunae around.
I'm not sure how I feel about the FoE crew showing up. I feel that in many respects, their story has been told, and including them here risks diluting both stories. On the other hand, this feels like a situation where they could well continue to have greatness thrust upon them; they are, after all, the most direct connection to the Wasteland heroine and more free to work outside their old stomping grounds than, say, Gawd. Beyond that, used well, they could add something that the regular cast couldn't. I suppose it's a balancing act, one that I'll just have to trust will be pulled off.
On that note, it's only just occurred to me that a degree of interaction would be essential for any additional Element. I suppose that's not really true—it's pretty much obvious given the way they work—rather, it's that the options for rendering that are either the risky game of doing it within a story itself, or written in at the end like FoE did. And the latter somehow wouldn't seem right from a side story, for all that it was largely handled that way in FoE.
I have high hopes for the next chapter, in particular how Glory's meeting with Blackjack unfolds. It's something where I almost don't know what I want to happen; it's something that seems like it shouldn't be allowed to deflate too easily, especially given the parallel of the reunion after Hightower, but at the same time, it's hard not to feel that the cast—and especially Glory and Blackjack—need to get back together sometime before the very end.
Editing stuff:
Don't know if you got the yellow eyes outside of 68, but just in case, here are the ones I found:
36: I saw her wide, murderous grin, her yellow eyes wide in glee as her power hooves crackled.
39: “Shut your mouth, you stupid, self-righteous little cunt. You didn’t save him! I am going to--“ she began, when there was a soft ‘pfft’ and a dart appeared in her flank. Her yellow eyes widened as she began to sway. “Fucking… cunt…” And then she went limp.
48: Her yellow eyes popped wide, and then her buttery wings fluffed at her sides
Also,
45: “I… but… You…” she stammered in agitation,
should have second space before "You" or not capitalize it
55: She wasn’t quite as formally dressed as the other two but had a grin that could give Rampage a run for its bottlecaps.
it should be either "Rampage's a run for its" or "Rampage a run for her," probably the former
I returned the favor by sharing a few secrets I’d learned, like the details of how Goldenblood’s affair with Fluttershy had ended and how her baby had survived to become the reaper Psychoshy.
"reaper" should be capitalized
68: “And the Professor seemed to believe you were Blackjack too.
"Professor" shouldn't be capitalized
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