[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
She's always shown a level of perception that borders on precognition. I don't think she's getting more perceptive. More comprehending of what she perceives, maybe, but she still picked up on how firearms work within seconds of seeing one in operation.Nightshade wrote:I, um, want to know if I'm guessing this right about the story so far... it's nothing big, but it might be along the lines of spoilers. Sorry.
- Boo sorry if I startled you:
As the wiki says, Boo doesn't show very much intelligence when first seen. It, um, also says that she has above average perception.
Does chapter 56 cement that she is getting smarter and is more perceptive than shown before? I ask because, well, she sees and responds to Eco, and gives Blackjack a more intelligent response to who should take the throne.
I hope I'm not sounding dumb for asking.
If ch. 56 cemented anything, I think it's that she's starting to pick up morals and social norms.
cb5 wrote:Probably user error. No really. Remember how when she first got her cybernetics she didn't know how to use them? My guess is that these new fingers work in a different way and she doesn't know how to use them. It'd be like if you took like someone that has only ever used a mac and popped them in front of a pc.Nightshade wrote:Sad how her fingers no longer work
I suspect you're right. Possibly also the Goddess screwing with her, though I can't imagine why she would fear BJ's fingers. I doubt they were installed wrong, given that Rover was the one telling her how useful hands were in the first place.
EEEEEEEEE!O. Hinds wrote:
57!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Trauma harnesses are a different monster from Lobotomites.swicked wrote:No one controls the lobotomites. Their trauma harnesses just cause them to act with aggression toward everyone.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
So I finally remembered to do a read-through or whatever it's called. I'm really sleepy right now, so I'm just gonna paste it without editing and hope I get all the linebreaks in right. Awesome chapter Somber!
Night everyone!
- Spoiler:
- I finally remembered to write one of these! WOO! :D
“Chapter 57: Best Night Ever”
I’ll bet I’m not the only one who’s gonna say how the title couldn’t possibly have been anything else.
““I have,” I replied, and opened my mouth.
He quickly raised his hooves before I could speak, though. “And please don’t say me. I won’t do it. I’ll support whoever you select, but I have no desire to put my undead derriere on the throne and my excellent coiffeur in the crosshairs. I am a majordomo par excellence, but many ponies have difficulty taking my advice straight and undiluted.”
Hmmm… well… that killed one idea…”
Whelp, not only did I predict it half-way, but this nullifies the cliff-hanger from last chapter too! D: Somber is best evil author.
“Who did you want as your regent?”
I told him.
He blinked. “Really? That’s quite… are you certain?”
“
No, actually, I was all-the-way wrong. Oh damn, no, she didn’t pick that minotaur, did she? That’s, no, I’ve convinced myself that’s a stupid possibility. Probably.
““I need you to stick around the Society a little while.””
This is where everyone but me gets a horrible premonition of King God Deus.
“I reached out and hugged his tank tread;”
Yay hugs! They need to find pony-like robots so Deus can eventually return that hug.
“I hoped he might get me more of those anti-magic bombs and give me more time away from the Goddess, but apparently they were exceptionally rare, even for zebras.”
And anti-spark grenades (that’s what they’re called, right?) probably short-out stuff, so there’s some explanation that they would only block telepathic connections for seconds to minutes. Oooor, shorting-out the telepathic connection of the Goddess just wouldn’t work because she’s too powerful.
“I remembered… was it a dream or a memory? “A long time ago, something happened to Equestria. A disaster. Do the minotaurs know anything about it?””
Pause for a second. This is epic and epic and epic. And more epic that the super-backstory comes up again.
“The words made Pain Train actually smile… a little.”
Choo Choo! Security saves Ponies? No, Security protects everyone. Blackjack is grasping at the greater ideals that she can’t quite (I swear there’s a word for saying stuff coherently.)
“and Hoity had sworn to take care of P-21.”
I’d ship that!
““The Society puts a great deal of stock in appearances. It makes substance an undervalued commodity.””
Zing!
““Blackjack,” Glory called from the bathroom in that tone that meant I was doing something Blackjacky.”
It’s funny until you realize that this kind of self-depreciation implies being one’s self is a bad thing. There’s good healthy-ish self-depreciation, and there’s that.
““It’s one of her original designs for Rainbow Dash’s very first attendance at the Gala! Ohhh!””
One of? Uh oh, it’s the Rainbow Armor! Noooo!!!
“She looked back and replied coolly, “Not if it’s true. And even if it was, isn’t aristocracy supposed to be arrogant?””
Whoa! Grace, stop making me love you.
“Boo wore an absolutely adorable pink dress with bows and tiny stitching of cupcakes along the hem and a small round cap decorated like a cake with pink frosting.”
Muffins are better, but they wouldn’t match with the cap.
““I can’t go out dressed like this! I’d rather go naked than like this!””
What’s wrong with being naked?
““I look soft,” Rampage muttered, going pink as she hugged herself. “I feel naked like this.””
Again, what’s wrong with being naked? You don’t even need armor! (Though I guess it helps)
““What? It looks good, doesn’t it?” Scotch Tape asked plaintively.
Grace, without missing a beat, replied primly, “Yes. Yes it does.” Then she looked at the rest of us and asked smoothly, “Don’t you all agree?” Her tone implied that, if any of us didn’t, then clearly there was something reprehensible about us, so naturally we all nodded. The olive filly beamed quite happily.”
Make the adults suffer for the child. Grace, you are quite the dancer.
“Maybe I was squandering what little time I had left, but the Goddess had filled by brain with so many blocks and erasures that I was worn down trying to fight her. I wasn’t sure I could physically say the word ‘goddess’ after all she’d done to me. So, I could make sure my friends could take care of everything once I was gone.
That was the least I could do after all the trouble I’d caused them.”
‘blocks and erasures’ uh huh. ‘say the word’ yup, I got that argument! ‘trouble I’d caused them’ aaaand frownyface. :(
““Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” I asked in bafflement, smiling as I knitted my brows. He pulled down his glasses, staring at me for a moment. “What?””
Aaaaaand freeze! This is a moment you will all remember non-sequitor.
“Presenting her royal highness of the Society of Equestria, Queen Blackjack, and her escort, Sir Hoity Toity of Canterlot!”
Hoity Toity confirmed for knight of the round table.
“The band… correction, the strange robopony DJ’s from Flank… played a grand tune from two centuries ago,”
Freakin’ Fabulous!
““Um… Thanks for coming. Let’s this party started!””
I’ve caught one typo, a missing ‘get’. I guess one point’s better than zero.
““Oh, I didn’t want you to miss out on your present, your Majesty,” she said as she levitated a bag off her back and tossed it to me before trotting off the far side of the dias.”
Cool guys don’t look at explosions, mean mares don’t look at horrified expressions.
“I fully expected tonight to end in some sort of disaster or attack or… something.”
I’m aiming for the unlikely event of a complete lack of physical conflict. (Besides bad dancing, of course.)
“Hoity cleared his throat, and I glanced out to the side at a hundred or so ponies witnessing our tender exchange. Some wore expressions of scandal, others amusement, and more than a few with the detached interest of a sporting event.”
We’re over here jotting down our extensive notes. Illustrated.
“That just left everypony in breathless speculation for who would be chosen.”
Suddenly I hate that Cliché’. Derp.
“Not doing anything besides setting up camps along the road between Manehattan and Hoofington.”
I have no plausible ideas here. *Shrug*
“I felt someone step up behind me; ahah! I whirled, ready to defe-- I was yanked off my hooves like an insolent filly and hauled into the air”
YES!
“I was dropped, and he loomed over her. “Knight Crumpets, it is well known that friendship is magic and magic is strength and strength is the ability to go good in this world! Are you denying the strength of my friendship? Are you?” He quivered as he flexed his massively muscled forelegs, body pulsating. “Feel the power of my friendship! Feel!” he demanded, his mustache quivering.”
He’s the testosterone version of a magical anime girl.
“the ability to go good “
Should be ‘to do good’
““Thirteen!””
Shit. And thirteen’s my favorite number, too. This was unexpected as hell.
“We need ponies who are used to living underground and handling cramped living spaces, and are used to the kind of social order you find in stables and the Steel Rangers.”
Maybe the sand dogs could help, but it’s a stretch.
““G… gallant sir. I am unworthy of your praise. Surely there are others here deserving of your genteel attention.””
Not a single mouth will go unsmiling at this part.
“Oh, nothing could be more perfect! Then I frowned and looked around the ballroom. Something had to go wrong. Something! But what…””
Besides that quotation mark at the end there, I don’t think you’ll predict what goes wrong until after it happens.
“It seemed like a heck of a coincidence that the ponies I’d met were the ones who were attended the Gala, but given everything else that was going on tonight, I simply rolled with it.”
Ah, time travel. If only you didn’t break setting in half so easily... Meta is good joke anyways.
I froze at the sound, and then actually smiled a little. “I knew it,” I muttered as I turned and looked at the kindly pink face of Steel Rain.”
Somone who was actually keeping track of the characters would have gotten it by now. That someone is not me.
“Ack! No! mortal enemies was where I drew the line!”
Need to capitalize ‘mortal’.
“It was a simple round, plastic-covered disk on a nylon lanyard. Something about it was familiar, though.”
I don’t recall what this might be, but this is a bad thing of badness.
“The fancy ponies leaned in raptly, and then she sneezed right in the mare’s face.”
Boo, never stop being so good at being you.
“Boo, who had snagged his cupcake while he’d been distracted,”
Sigh.
““I love you, Glory, and no matter how you look, I’d want you as my wife.””
Oh this is scum-of-the-earth level bullshit. Please continue caricaturing yourself, Splendid.
““You’ve got vision and an idea for the future.”
Missing a quotation mark at the end there.
“And as Grace addressed the crowd, I felt a little purple unicorn inside me being quite proud of what I’d learned. The only oddity was... why did I want to write to the princess about it?
I shifted back and snuck a bite of the crown. Mmmm, sweet mellow gold and spicy ruby.”
YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!
““Splendid has a contraception spell... said it was a requirement in his position...””
Glad that one’s over. Bleaugh. If Glory really wants to get pregnant, she’s the skills to use Blackjack’s blood and weird magic science.
““Always,” I replied.”
Heartwarming. Smiles. I dono, positive positivity. ‘That was really nice?’
“She stretched up and kissed me on the cheek before.”
Before what?
“Not a bad night at all...”
Best night of the year. Here’s to next year’s party!
“We were on our way to Maripony to kill LittlePip.”
Unexpected. A good plan on the Goddess’ part; sending one impossible combatant against another. Though this does unfortunately cut down on the possibility of alicornification a bit.
Anyways, Thank you for everything Somber. This is amazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Night everyone!
Last edited by Derpmind on Sat Jul 13, 2013 2:03 am; edited 2 times in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Before I head off for the night, I'm going to say I rather enjoyed chapter 57. Also that I was with Blackjack the whole time on "something bad is going to happen."
I know I've recently expressed a certain viewpoint of how I feel things to come should turn out, but at this point in time, Somber you write the next chapter and the rest of Project Horizons how you feel it should be written.
There's probably some part in the chapter some people won't like or agree with. Especially some bits towards the end. Granted it's not worth anything but in my opinion those parts where handled with respect and maturity.
Somber, thank you again for writing this story and for another chapter in it, and thanks to the brushing team.
Also while editing isn't really my thing there was at least one instance of "our" being typed as "or" and "be" when it should have been "he". Sorry I can't be more helpful of where those are but I'm certain somebody with a keener eye, better memory, and time to do a full review can help direct to those minor mistakes.
I know I've recently expressed a certain viewpoint of how I feel things to come should turn out, but at this point in time, Somber you write the next chapter and the rest of Project Horizons how you feel it should be written.
There's probably some part in the chapter some people won't like or agree with. Especially some bits towards the end. Granted it's not worth anything but in my opinion those parts where handled with respect and maturity.
Somber, thank you again for writing this story and for another chapter in it, and thanks to the brushing team.
Also while editing isn't really my thing there was at least one instance of "our" being typed as "or" and "be" when it should have been "he". Sorry I can't be more helpful of where those are but I'm certain somebody with a keener eye, better memory, and time to do a full review can help direct to those minor mistakes.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Wow. Another one out quickly. Might as well dive right in . . .
Anyway, thank you, Somber, Hinds, and Niphl/Bronode for the great chapter. It was a marvelous end to something of a frustrating week.
- Running thoughts:
- ...Well, the Hoity idea got shot down fast. But then again, he's a pretty smart guy.
While I’d wanted him released, Hoity had convinced me that letting a zebra sniper go was simply asking for trouble.
See? That's a great example, right there.
“This land is poisoned. All of this land. It is a poison seeped into the very stones,” he said as he turned them over.
You know, so much has been going on it seems like she hasn't thought about the Gardens or the Elements in forever.
Minotaurs just got a lot more awesome with the upgrading of Pain Train.
Besides the flowers, her room was decorated with laces and fine soft cotton sheets.
Ah, cotton sheets: the greatest of decorations. But I guess you make do with what you have.
White hide and black steel didn’t really promise a good look.
Now, I think that Hoity could tell you otherwise: sure, it's not as good as the old whites, but your black accents via mane, tail, and cutie mark really help here. But I guess there's not much to be done about the texture.
Grace furrowed her brows, then her expression turned a touch baffled. “I’m afraid I don’t get the joke,” she replied.
I looked from Glory in the tub and back to Grace. “I was making a joke?” Glory covered her face with a hoof as Grace flushed, staring at me.
That's actually a very nice, subtle callback and joke.
I couldn’t talk as I looked at Grace, tears welling in my eyes. If only mom could have seen me like this. “Thanks,” I muttered, dropping my eyes.
It's at thit point that I can—already!—say that, even if this was true on July 5th, it's certainly bullshit now.Somber wrote:Sucks. Just... horrible. Probably going to cut it short so it might only be 20-25 pages.
“If you say you don’t deserve to look like this, I’m going to thump you,” she said, giving me a wet nuzzle.
And good follow-up, too.
And even if it was, isn’t aristocracy supposed to be arrogant?
Hey, no fair counting on Blackjack to fail to make a fine distinction between arrogance and confident self-assuredness—nobody in their right mind would place odds on that if they had to take the short end.
“Rainbow…” she breathed as she stared at Glory for a moment, then shook her head.
And we're building up the foundation for a Twilight takeover.
Splendid’s room was decorated with photographs of Ministry Mares, particularly Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
Or maybe not. But maybe . . . And I missed that second part until the following sentence. Clever.
An ivory manecomb with a heart-shaped fire ruby gleamed in her scarlet mane.
I wonder if Spike will ever get to see it.
“You look… amazing,” Glory said, her wings fluffing up a little.
And this story just got a minor case of the not-straights.
Hoity Toity stood nearby in an equally magnificent maroon tuxedo.
Normally I'd have some harsh things to say about that, but . . . colorful ponies.
Around me had to be the greatest collection of pre-war clothing in the world; most of it wasn't as spectacular as the Rarities we wore, but all of it was formal wear to some degree.
. . . Except for Scotch's.
The exact curve of memory orbs.
And that's why you get what you want from the hostages before releasing them. Come on, Blackjack, step up your game!
maybe not for her…
Well, sure. You do deserve to be punished for fucking up like that.
“There’s an inscription. ‘Pew-Pew’? Who names a beam pistol pew-pew?”
Hey, it's more dignified than "shoop da woop."
“Well now. From Stable Pony to Queen of the Hoof,” a mare said from the throng, and I turned to the yellow mare Bottlecap.
I was wondering how she (and her sister) was doing!
Keeper found four very capable people, and they were able to dislodge Red Eye’s forces.
Will it be. . . ?
“Xanthe? Snails? Carrion? Silver Spoon?” I asked with an idiot grin.
“That’s them,” Bottlecap said, then grinned.
Buck yeah!
“One stain… one tear…. You’re mine. Understand?”
Really? I mean, I get that this has been going on forever, but what's she going to do? While it's to an extent admirable that Blackjack doesn't go throwing her weight around all the time, this is early Putting Your Hoof Down Fluttershy level doormatry.
“Oooh! I am starving! I think I’ll go pick up a snack! Excuse me!”
I forget, but—ghoul's don't need to eat, right? Nice cover, guy.
. . . I know referential humor is kind of low-hanging fruit, but I just realized I kind of want Blackjack to have an opportunity to pull a Bender and say "Screw this! I'll make my own Gala! With Blackjack, and hookers!"
I felt my body whirled around as a massive stallion crowed, “Glorious day, your majesty!”
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
. . . Ahem. I suppose he may have grown on me. A little. But I still hope he's just here for a short cameo.
“Knight Crumpets, it is well known that friendship is magic and magic is strength and strength is the ability to go good in this world! Are you denying the strength of my friendship? Are you?”
Is this a direct rip? Because if not, it really nails him. Though I guess he's not the hardest character to write for. But who else gets to out-ham the Goddess?
I’d kept it contained for as long as I could, but I let out a little giggle, prancing on my hooves in decidedly unregal fashion. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Oh, nothing could be more perfect!
Ah, I forgot how hard she shipped them.
You’re no more queen of the Society than you are a Reaper of the Top Ten.
Hey, she totally warrants Top Ten status, even if she doesn't go out of her way to claim it.
“Storm Front,” he replied, taciturnly.
I don't remember which fic it was in (Through the Eyes?), but there was a character named Storm Front or Stormfront that the author renamed after finding out about the neo-Nazi group.
“No. Went raider. Found her screwing a young stallion with a gun to his face.
Responding to concerns in the thread, huh? Well, good to get it done quickly if it fits in context, I guess.
It was a simple round, plastic-covered disk on a nylon lanyard. Something about it was familiar, though. I placed it around my neck and tucked it out of sight beneath the dress.
Really? Really!? Bets on how long this takes to come back to bite her?
Boo seemed far more interested in the hors d’oeurve cupcake he levitated beside him.
I'm sceptical of the idea of cupcakes as appetizers. But ponies.
Well, as she’d said, weren’t aristocrats supposed to be better?
Well, yes. That is literally what the first half of the word means.
Splendid has a contraception spell...
One bullet dodged . . . unless he's really a gigantic cad.
Didn't expect that, right before the ending, to happen. But I guess it's kind of been building for a long time, and it was foreshadowed immediately prior. Too bad about the followup.
- Overall:
- This was a lot of fun. Blackjack's nervousness helped to tie things together stronger than just the Gala, which helped since this far more than normal was a fairly fragmented series of scenes rather than a continuous flow of one ongoing event. The comedy was strong, and although it may have been able to have been handled somewhat better, the exposition played a needed role. I don't know: there was quite a bit of it, but on balance, considering how much was needed to keep us up-to-date and the fact that small- and shop talk are a natural part of social events, it fits in naturally, at least. Oh, but I'm not sure how I feel about the lampshade hanging on all the people she met being there.
Good relationship stuff, too. It's too bad it couldn't have been more of a focus. Anyway, having Blackjack be the one to suggest that they may need to split up caught me a little by surprise, but does make sense. I feel like maybe Glory made the switch too easily, not as an immediate action but as a potential permanent change in outlook, but there's enough going on (see my sig as a reminder . . . good times) to justify it. Now, what could be really interesting is the fallout from Blackjack leaving. Glory's probably going to be very hurt, and it could take some time to find out just what happened, and it won't help at all that Blackjack proposed breaking up the night before—even if it was followed up by a "love is more than sex/as long as we stay together" speech.
I can't believe I forgot it until now, but I love the Pain Train development. It really leaves you wanting to see more of him, and minotaurs in general.
As for the politics, nothing too surprising. But it makes sense (even if I think that as the time horizon approaches zero Splendid makes a better regent). More critical, of course, is that we finally have the Goddess happening. I really look forward to it.
- Editing:
- I won’t do it. I’ll support whoever you select, but I have no desire to put my undead derriere on the throne and my excellent coiffeur in the crosshairs. I am a majordomo par excellence, but many ponies have difficulty taking my advice straight and undiluted.”
"derriere" should have an accent grave over the second "e," and "par excellence" should be italicized for consistency with "derriere."
Everyone.” I added and then looked at the pebbles he held and levitated one out of his grasp.
Period in the quotation should be a comma.
As soon as Glory was finished, the laurels resting upon her rainbow mane, we stepped out.
This is the first and only time you mention laurels, at least this chapter. You probably shouldn't use "the laurels" unless they've already been brought up.
“Ah, of course,” He looked to Glory,
Comma -> period after "of course," and a second space after the close quotation marks.
Presenting her royal highness of the Society of Equestria, Queen Blackjack, and her escort, Sir Hoity Toity of Canterlot!
Queen maps to magesty, not highness—crap, I forgot about Equestria's mangling of titles and styles. Whatever works.
The band… correction, the strange robopony DJ’s from Flank…
"DJs"
she said as she levitated a bag off her back and tossed it to me before trotting off the far side of the dias.
"dais."
You are ten times smarter than Rainbow Dash, and a hundred times a better pony then me.
then -> than
Grace, Splendid, and Charm had by far more ponies lingering near them than I.
It could just be me, but this seems slightly clumsy or off as written. I feel like "more ponies by far" or just "far more ponies" would work better, unless "by far" were explicitly set off for emphasis, i.e. "had—by far—more ponies," or perhaps even the weaker emphasis of "had, by far, more ponies."
That just left everypony in breathless speculation for who would be chosen.
Again, this could just be a case of how often I see different constructions, but should this be "speculation about" or "regarding" or even "of"?
Little things like the Harbingers and the Goddess’s takeover really put a crimp in dealing with those little sidequests.
Probably a style choice, but making "side quests" two words would remove it from the realm of explicit video game jargon.
“Blackjack,” she said with an amused nod of her head before she moved off.
Charity looked around her sharply, then gestured me to come closer.
Charity's not looking around Bottlecap, is she? Could you clear that up with either a proper noun, or "herself"?
“She’s… well…I think?
Space after second ellipsis.
I whirled, ready to defe-- I was yanked off my hooves like an insolent filly and hauled into the air!
Symmetrical spacing around dash.
If it wasn’t for the survivor’s help--“
"survivors'"
We found other infected “survivors” in other sealed areas,
Those should be single-quotes.
Lacunae looked helplessly at Crumpets, Glory, and I.
"and me."
They’ll blast you if you get to close,
"too"
They’re scary ambushers. If that’s the case,
Triple space after the period.
“Lighthooves created new strain.
"a new strain."
I don’t suppose you’ll be convenient and just surrender it?
I'm not sure "convenient" really describes a person like that. Maybe something like amenable, agreeable, or reasonable would make a better fit?
No! mortal enemies was where I drew the line!
Either capitalize "mortal" or only have one space after "No!"
“The toil of a majordomo is neverending.” And he moved off through the crowd. Majawha?
I don't know how much of a difference it makes, but that's not the first time he refered to himself as a majordomo to her.
“Hello!” I said as I immediately trotted up onto the dias,
"dais"
Between the bodyguard I arranged, and Deus
That comma probably shouldn't be there.
I looked at the crown on it’s pillow beside the throne.
"its"
“This piece, I give to my regent, to rule in my place until such time as I see fit to return and mend this crown.
Need ending quotation mark.
as she thrashed at Grace. “I’m gonna kill
Only one space after the period.
The pair rushed to the dias,
"dais"
“Please escort Charm to her room, and teach her to watch her language.” I said as regally as I could.
Quotation should end with comma, not period.
Well, as she’d said, weren’t aristocrats supposed to be better?
I didn't do more than a cursory check prior chapters, but did she ever actually say that? Her most direct statement on the matter was that they were supposed to be arrogant.
May I shake your hoof and congradulate you on your marvelous debut?
"Congratulate"
I gazed upon the amber mana of Wild Pegasus and polished the whole damned bottle off.
Is "mana" really what you're going for here? I guess booze is kind of a source of power for her, but I wonder if you were going for "manna" as food from heaven. Even there, nectar or ambrosia might make more sense being applied to liquids.
Scotch Tape hopping up between the two robotic DJ’s and playing music that was less twirl and more bouncing base.
"DJs"
, and no last minute radio pleas to try and break the Goddess’ control.
"Goddess's"
“So, your majesty, there is just one last tiny detail to cover.
“Oh, I didn’t want you to miss out on your present, your Majesty,”
Then he regarded me, “Your majesty.
“Glorious day, your majesty!”
“Nice to see you again, your majesty.”
You are somewhat skilled at this, your majesty.”
“Your majesty,” a smooth, familiar stallion’s voice said behind me. “Congratulations.”
It's hard to say what you use most overall, but it's probably capital-M majesty, very often with capital-Y your/-H her. (Highness you've never capitalized, but there were only two of them, so I'd weight the Majesties higher.) And the way to go would really be "Your/Her/His Majesty/Highness," with both capitalized.
Anyway, thank you, Somber, Hinds, and Niphl/Bronode for the great chapter. It was a marvelous end to something of a frustrating week.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Somber wrote:/me waits nervously from people to find out how bad it was...
Icy Shake, from my running thoughts wrote:It's at [this] point that I can—already!—say that, even if this was true on July 5th, it's certainly bullshit now.Somber wrote:Sucks. Just... horrible. Probably going to cut it short so it might only be 20-25 pages.
Seriously, this was a very fun chapter, even if it necessarily wasn't perfect, and there are events one could object to (which were nevertheless handled very well, regardless about how one would handle them based on prior feelings), as the natural consequence of taking risks. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, you were just about as wrong about it being horrible as you were about it ending up in the low twenty page range.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Well, this chapter was just awful.
No, wait, the other thing. Awesome!
No, wait, the other thing. Awesome!
- Ch. 57 Commentary:
Weirdest d'aww ever, but still... d'awwwwww.Cuddling with Glory and talking about ‘psychosexual metamorphic influences’ was more appealing than being in a place where I was expected to actually interact. If it meant I’d be alone with her, I’d happily speculate with Glory all night about whether or not her different body accounted to her being receptive to Splendid’s offers of ‘comfort’ after I’d gone off to sulk.
(It might also have something to do with being under far more stress than you've ever experienced before.)
Even more d'awwwwwww...I reached out and hugged his tank tread; it was too wide for my legs to fit around, but it was the thought that counted.
Ryx, you're needed.
Hum. That's interesting, after hearing Goldie lecture on how Equestrian gems are different from those found elsewhere. Is this a wound in the world, or a loss of something unique to Equestria?“Stones contain a life and spirit all their own. Strength beyond mere rock. Some ponies once cultivated the life of stones, encouraging the growth of gems and strong bones of the world. But the very bones of the world here are rotten.”
Ryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyx!Boo wore an absolutely adorable pink dress with bows and tiny stitching of cupcakes along the hem and a small round cap decorated like a cake with pink frosting. To her credit, only one tiny spot looked like she’d given it a nibble.
When the hay did Rarity ever create anything like--It was a one piece vivid pink bodysuit with glaring neon green slashes all across it.
Ah. Oh dear.Scotch Tape had taken it upon herself to… where did she get her hooves on bright pink makeup!? It was painted jaggedly around her eyes...
I have nothing to say here but my echoing laughter.“That! I wanna wear something like that! Quick! Someone disintegrate me!” Rampage said with an eager grin. “Do you have one in black?”
Haha, awesome! I'm glad those guys made it out.The band… correction, the strange robopony DJ’s from Flank…
Careful with that. It can vaporize a deathclaw in one shot.“There’s an inscription. ‘Pew-Pew’? Who names a beam pistol pew-pew?”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How in the hay did YOU get an invitation?! Are you Bottlecap's "plus one"?“I thought it was called charity,” Glory said with a cool look at Bottlecap.
“Charity? Where?” I looked around in horror for a moment, feeling poverty sneaking up on me. Then I forced myself to calm down…
“Right here,” the filly snapped as she stepped up to my side.
Oooh, looks like Lacunae's gonna be doing some dancing after all!I felt someone step up behind me; ahah! I whirled, ready to defe-- I was yanked off my hooves like an insolent filly and hauled into the air! I felt my body whirled around as a massive stallion crowed, “Glorious day, your majesty!”
You know, I wouldn't have even blinked at that except for Kim's... unique viewpoint getting brought up the other day. Nicely done, Somber.“Was she?” Dazzler asked.
“No. Went raider. Found her screwing a young stallion with a gun to his face. Put her down myself,” he said with a small shrug.
SHIT SHIT SHIT don't tell me these are Starkaterri gathering from every corner of the globe to witness the Eater rising...“They’re in the north, too. Near the old Ironmare base,” Candlewick replied. “Don’t know how they got there, but they just sit around. They’ll blast you if you get to close, but otherwise they just sit with their striped heads up their asses. Why? What’s the problem?”
“And they’re well armed?” I asked with a frown.
“Assault Carbines. Anti-machine rifles. Miniguns,” Storm Front replied. “Only six to ten or so in each camp.”
*facehoof*“Maybe the Wasteland is magically repopulating itself with small groups of zebras to kill so we can take their stuff?” Rampage said with a grin.
Especially when the Goddess starts screaming about bombs and BJ collapses in the middle of it. :3“It should be a consummately horrendous melodramatic display,”
I would not put that thing anywhere on my body on a bet. It'd go in a blastproof, magicproof safe until I had time to figure out whether it was intended to off me or to get Steel Rain out of his deal with her.It was a simple round, plastic-covered disk on a nylon lanyard. Something about it was familiar, though. I placed it around my neck and tucked it out of sight beneath the dress.“Yes, clearly the political situation with the Twilight Society is one that needs to be addressed first, don’t you think, Lady Boo?” a mare asked, and Boo cocked her head in reply.
“Oh, I agree completely! While the Twilight Society should be considered, it’s clear that Red Eye and his army is a far more pressing concern,” a fancy stallion said immediately, and Boo just cocked her head at him instead. “I’m certain that you agree, Miss Boo.”
Scott Pilgrim Conversational Escape Technique, go!“Oh, uh, bathroom!” And she darted into the air and swooped away, trailing a rainbow-colored afterimage.
Hah! I knew it.I nodded to Hoity, he nodded to Epicure, and the green colt lifted my sword carefully in his hooves. I levitated the blade and, with a sweep of glittering silver, sliced the band. A second cut. A third. And the crown glittered in three pieces in the air before me.
Huh! That was VERY unexpected. The way it didn't quite work out smoothly, I mean. I definitely liked giving Grace the veto between the two of them -- kindness and vision are both necessary, but kindness above all.That left me with the third piece. Since Charm wasn’t going to take me up on my offer, I looked at the crowd and then cleared my throat. “This piece I shall keep, and if I need ever abdicate my position permanently, it shall be returned so the crown can be made whole again.”
Oh, Blackjack, never change...I shifted back and snuck a bite of the crown. Mmmm, sweet mellow gold and spicy ruby.
Huh. Well okay then.We were on our way to Maripony to kill LittlePip.
- Editing:
She and I.I put the fear of Rampage into them, but I’m afraid that when I and she go, they’re going to resume their old bullshit games.
Should be italicized?Just get me through tonight.
in a Stable, day“What? We did! There’s not a lot to talk about in a stable day to day!”
Somewhere, a bandSomewhere a band began to play classical music, and I found myself nostalgic for Octavia.
casually asked,Then he looked into my eyes, his lips curling slightly, and asked casually, “So, was all this a part of the plan?”
No apostrophe necessary in "DJs".The band… correction, the strange robopony DJ’s from Flank…
unicorn, Sagittarius of the Zodiacs, wasThe green unicorn Sagittarius of the Zodiacs was in close discussion with Windclop, the ghoul mayor of Meatlocker.
dark pine-green“Don’t you have enough on your plate?” Sagittarius asked, the green unicorn twirling his dark pine green goatee.
market, sortingShe works in the market sorting things.
Excess quote mark at the end.Then I frowned and looked around the ballroom. Something had to go wrong. Something! But what…”
Capitalize Tower.“Shadowbolt tower,” he said without a moment’s hesitation.
Capitalize Mortal.Ack! No! mortal enemies was where I drew the line!
Oh, youOh you are too right, Baroness Boo.
Missing quote after "crown".“This piece, I give to my regent, to rule in my place until such time as I see fit to return and mend this crown. And I looked at the three. Hope danced in all their eyes, even Charm’s, that I would pass it to them.
congratulate“May I shake your hoof and congradulate you on your marvelous debut?
you'reI care about what your feeling.
peekI want to thank everyone who’s read thus far, Kkat for creating FoE, Bronode and Hinds for editing, and Squeak for being kind enough to stop by and take a peak.
SilentCarto- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I saw that, O.hinds
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Oh, and before anyone starts ranting about what Somber should or should not have written, I just want to say:
I believe in Somber!
I believe in Somber!
SilentCarto- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
You shut your self-deprecating face hole. This was the best chapter.Somber wrote:/me waits nervously from people to find out how bad it was...
I'll have more to say later (need sleep now) but I absolutely loved the big reunion. When Stronghoof showed up I made a high pitched squeaking noise that lasted a good thirty seconds. And Bottlecap! I love that mare. And Rampage being adorable and Hoity being awesome and BJ eating the crown! Ahhhhhhhhhh! So many happy feels!
Oh, and a pegasus named Storm Front. What are the odds? >_>
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I loved the chapter. It was nice seeing (or hearing about) oldish allies. Even if the rules of literature mean anyone offscreen is safer than they would otherwise be, the wasteland is harsh enough that it's nice to get conformation that both the gangers/Highlander and Xanthe's group are safe. Still think a spinoff following the second would be fun. Really need to get into the habit of writing those reaction commentaries, though; the only thing I remember is that my reaction to Stronghoof's summery of who they needed was roughly: "I'm not sure about the 'social order' part, but I might know of a few who could help, if you don't mind ghouls."
- Spoiler:
- Around that note, I'm surprised how nice it felt to learn that some ponies survived.
- Fixes:
- There were, strangely, two instances of a 'b' replacing an 'h'. Not sure if anyone else has mentioned them yet, so:
the Goddess had filled by brain with so many blocks and erasures
Not the noblest thing I’ve ever done, but be was pleasant enough about it
Last edited by WovenTales on Sat Jul 13, 2013 4:57 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Spoilering spoilers)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
O.Hinds... any idea if the intention was to use "snirk" at all? I mean, it's an urban dictionary hybrid word, but I'm feeling Somber probably meant smirk.
Just to let you know.
Just to let you know.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
@Derpmind, Icy Shake, SilentCarto, and WovenTales:
Ah, thank you as usual for the error spotting.
Ah, thank you as usual for the error spotting.
Saw what?Kippershy wrote:I saw that, O.hinds
This came up during editing, in fact, and it is intentionally snirk. Thank you, though; it might indeed have been an error that we'd missed.Kippershy wrote:O.Hinds... any idea if the intention was to use "snirk" at all? I mean, it's an urban dictionary hybrid word, but I'm feeling Somber probably meant smirk.
Just to let you know.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
- boo:
- Though I can't say for sure if you added it because of the suggestion I brought from 4chan or not... but god did I love that moment when they're asking Boo what to do. If that was thanks to me / whichever anon suggested it, thank you.
and yes, a very enjoyable chapter. Like I said on steam, I've had no issues with what you thought I'd have issues with and actually, hadn't any issues with anything at all in this chapter.
Knowing your plan for the next chapter, can't say I have any issues with that either.
You did good, it was an enjoyable chapter, definitely.
No need to worry about it.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I also believe in Somber!SilentCarto wrote:Oh, and before anyone starts ranting about what Somber should or should not have written, I just want to say:
I believe in Somber!
Yay, new chapter!
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
That was a really enjoyable chapter.
- Spoiler:
- I was really happy Blackjack picked Grace as regent, and that Splendor was smart enough to swear loyalty to her. Now next comes the big chapter that will decide Blackjack and Lacunae's fate!
Oh, and the Stable 99 survivors was a surprise. I hope we get to see them.
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Somber wrote:"She spoke in the odd accident from trottingham."
- 57 thoughts:
- I was pretty confused by Splendid's marriage proposal at first. They knew eachother for what? A day? A day and a half? I'm sure he's met her before but I doubt they had any extended conversation before this. But I dismissed it as an RD obsession when I remembered the decor of his room.
Now on the threeway. I've honestly seen this coming for a long time now.
I'm still very disappointed with Glory renouncing monagomy. But then I just cannot understand why BJ's upbringing is so engrained into her while Glory's appears to be so easily given up.
Other then that the rest of the chapter was fairly nice. This chapter however has made me notice a rather weird trend lately though. BJ seems to be exclusively ogling stallions recently kinda odd given her sexual preference. I'd think it'd be more of an even split, however that's more of an observation then a complaint. A very minor one at the most.
As for The Goddess I'm not sure how wise removing the pipbuck in the bathroom was. Surely that's immediately going to raise alarms with her friends. It's obvious the goddess understands the capabilities of the pipbuck, so of course she knows that her friends are going to find regardless of where she removed it. Still I don't see why she wouldn't try and stall them by placing it somewhere difficult to reach, or better yet outright destroy it.
The only explanation I can think of is she's so confident in her plans she doesn't believe BJ's friends finding the pipbuck will effect it. In which case I would have to say she's completely discounted the dealer.
Last edited by Last on Sat Jul 13, 2013 10:53 am; edited 2 times in total
Guest- Guest
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Sorry guys. Accidentally did a thing. I'll make it readable in a moment.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
@Last:
Wow, that's... quite a thing. Thank you for spotting the one error that I can read from that, at least. Oh, and please, when you're ready, either put the corrected version in a new post or make a new post announcing that the corrected version is up.
Wow, that's... quite a thing. Thank you for spotting the one error that I can read from that, at least. Oh, and please, when you're ready, either put the corrected version in a new post or make a new post announcing that the corrected version is up.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I fixed it. It had something to do with a font I copy/pasted.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Being me, I am intrigued who the "war hero" is that was mentioned when his wife broke into Shadowbolt Tower.
Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I am Sombricus!SilentCarto wrote:Oh, and before anyone starts ranting about what Somber should or should not have written, I just want to say:
I believe in Somber!
Sorry, but did you really just miss the "This was the Best Chapter Ever!" softball?Quotidian wrote:You shut your self-deprecating face hole. This was the best chapter.Somber wrote:/me waits nervously from people to find out how bad it was...
Last wrote:
- 57 thoughts:
Now on the threeway. I've honestly seen this coming for a long time now.
I'm still very disappointed with Glory renouncing monagomy. But then I just cannot understand why BJ's upbringing is so engrained into her while Glory's appears to be so easily given up.
Other then that the rest of the chapter was fairly nice. This chapter however has made me notice a rather weird trend lately though. BJ seems to be exclusively ogling stallions recently kinda odd given her sexual preference. I'd think it'd be more of an even split, however that's more of an observation then a complaint. A very minor one at the most.
As for The Goddess I'm not sure how wise removing the pipbuck in the bathroom was. Surely that's immediately going to raise alarms with her friends. It's obvious the goddess understands the capabilities of the pipbuck, so of course she knows that her friends are going to find regardless of where she removed it. Still I don't see why she wouldn't try and stall them by placing it somewhere difficult to reach, or better yet outright destroy it.
The only explanation I can think of is she's so confident in her plans she doesn't believe BJ's friends finding the pipbuck will effect it. In which case I would have to say she's completely discounted the dealer.
- Spoiler:
- So, I, too, am a little disappointed that she made the change so quickly, and I certainly differentiate strongly between her making what she sees as a regrettable mistake in last chapter and the apparent reevaluation of her values in this. However, among the other arguments in favor of this happening eventually is the fact that Glory is at heart a scientist, so seeing that Blackjack's attitude toward sexuality makes her happy whereas her own mostly brings her misery—sometimes but far from always caused by Blackjack—I would expect her to update her estimated probability distribution regarding what sexual outlook would be best for her—not to do so would be a little derpy.
As for the Goddess, well, her major failing—at least in Project Horizons—has always been that she is overconfident in herself and her plans; it's the natural outgrowth of remembering yourself as perfection because every flaw has been removed.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Blackjack and P-21
Please let P-21 and Blackjack get together!!!! I've been hoping for this since they left the Stable!
And let's get him a name shall we? :D:omg:
And let's get him a name shall we? :D:omg:
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Articulate?Derpmind wrote:Choo Choo! Security saves Ponies? No, Security protects everyone. Blackjack is grasping at the greater ideals that she can’t quite (I swear there’s a word for saying stuff coherently.)
That's the point. Emphasis on "Reaper" -- she doesn't work specifically for the good of the Reapers, she doesn't participate in their society... she may have the title of "Top Ten", but she's not really a member of the gang.Icy Shake wrote:You’re no more queen of the Society than you are a Reaper of the Top Ten.
Hey, she totally warrants Top Ten status, even if she doesn't go out of her way to claim it.
Meh, who cares? It's a perfectly good meteorological term.Icy Shake wrote:I don't remember which fic it was in (Through the Eyes?), but there was a character named Storm Front or Stormfront that the author renamed after finding out about the neo-Nazi group.
BJ already said she would be monogamous for Glory's sake even if she thought it was crazy. And really, between the two of them, Glory is the one who's already been required to question a whole lot of her beliefs just by being in the Wasteland, and by Lighthooves' actions.Last wrote:I'm still very disappointed with Glory renouncing monagomy. But then I just cannot understand why BJ's upbringing is so engrained into her while Glory's appears to be so easily given up.
Why would finding her PipBuck aim her friends toward the Goddess in any way? Aside from Lacunae also being missing, there's nothing (as far as the Goddess knows) that would point them toward Maripony.Last wrote:As for The Goddess I'm not sure how wise removing the pipbuck in the bathroom was. Surely that's immediately going to raise alarms with her friends. It's obvious the goddess understands the capabilities of the pipbuck, so of course she knows that her friends are going to find regardless of where she removed it. Still I don't see why she wouldn't try and stall them by placing it somewhere difficult to reach, or better yet outright destroy it.
To be fair, the Goddess barely understands the Dealer at all. The only time she's directly encountered him, she tried to kill him with physical attacks. But you're right, he's probably going to be the big damn hero here.Last wrote:The only explanation I can think of is she's so confident in her plans she doesn't believe BJ's friends finding the pipbuck will effect it. In which case I would have to say she's completely discounted the dealer.
*Hit! Head! On! Desk!*Evilgidgit wrote:Being me, I am intrigued who the "war hero" is that was mentioned when his wife broke into Shadowbolt Tower.
Sky Striker would qualify as a war hero, wouldn't he? That completely passed me by the first time.
Last edited by SilentCarto on Sat Jul 13, 2013 1:53 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
My point wasn't that she really identified as a Reaper, but that they, in their small way, have a claim on her just as the Society does, even if she transcends both of them, and the other groups besides. And, crucially, that even if she isn't a Reaper by her principles and actions, she is by their principles, until they change them. [Addendum:] And, in her own mind, being a Reaper was always more than just membership in some group, but about being an unstoppable monster of the Wasteland, and though she is a very good one, she certainly fits the bill.SilentCarto wrote:That's the point. Emphasis on "Reaper" -- she doesn't work specifically for the good of the Reapers, she doesn't participate in their society... she may have the title of "Top Ten", but she's not really a member of the gang.Icy Shake wrote:You’re no more queen of the Society than you are a Reaper of the Top Ten.
Hey, she totally warrants Top Ten status, even if she doesn't go out of her way to claim it.
I certainly don't. I was just remembering something that happened and the silliness around it.SilentCarto wrote:Meh, who cares? It's a perfectly good meteorological term.Icy Shake wrote:I don't remember which fic it was in (Through the Eyes?), but there was a character named Storm Front or Stormfront that the author renamed after finding out about the neo-Nazi group.
Also this.SilentCarto wrote:BJ already said she would be monogamous for Glory's sake even if she thought it was crazy. And really, between the two of them, Glory is the one who's already been required to question a whole lot of her beliefs just by being in the Wasteland, and by Lighthooves' actions.Last wrote:I'm still very disappointed with Glory renouncing monagomy. But then I just cannot understand why BJ's upbringing is so engrained into her while Glory's appears to be so easily given up.
Oh, and on Last's "observation," I think that Blackjack may be in heat.
Icy Shake- Alicorn
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Considering the bit with Lancer in 56 and later how she was looking to "use" her guards to "relieve tension", for me it's more of a certainty than a supposition.Icy Shake wrote:I think that Blackjack may be in heat.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I pretty much went with "all the mares are in heat" after that discussion they had a few chapters back. I admit the bit with Lancer last chapter caught me off guard at first but it make sense if Blackjack is also in heat.
The other option is that she's just horny all the time now since between her continuing cyber-facation and the Goddess taking her over she wants to enjoy that little part that makes her feel like herself from before all that's happened to her.
I'm leaning more to she's in heat.
The other option is that she's just horny all the time now since between her continuing cyber-facation and the Goddess taking her over she wants to enjoy that little part that makes her feel like herself from before all that's happened to her.
I'm leaning more to she's in heat.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
I'm glad the chapter went okay. I know 4chan won't like it, but they don't like anything. Seriously. I have never seen them praise any story. So I've learned not to be sorry about not gaining something that I'm not going to get.
I do have one regret about the chapter though. No song. I have one in my head for it. I have the music in my head for it, but I have no way to create it. I imagined P-21 telling Blackjack to finally relax as they twirl around the dance floor. Then Glory jumps in. Then P-21. Then both of them together. Then fade to the 'ahem' scene. Since it's a slow song, I can't find real world analogies to use.
I do have one regret about the chapter though. No song. I have one in my head for it. I have the music in my head for it, but I have no way to create it. I imagined P-21 telling Blackjack to finally relax as they twirl around the dance floor. Then Glory jumps in. Then P-21. Then both of them together. Then fade to the 'ahem' scene. Since it's a slow song, I can't find real world analogies to use.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
Hey, did you guys hear about the outcast zebras who worship "A Song of Ice and Fire"?
They call them... the Stark-katteri.
(badumTISH)
They call them... the Stark-katteri.
(badumTISH)
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» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
» [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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