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Fanfic: Eclipse

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tylertoon2
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Fanfic: Eclipse Empty Fanfic: Eclipse

Post by IncoherentOrange Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:11 pm

As is rather common for authors frequenting this forum, I'll be posting a little thread for discussion of my story currently in progress, Eclipse, which you can find here. Also, you can find it on Equestria Daily here.

It concerns, if you are unaware, a human colony ship dispatched to establish a human population on a distant habitable world. Obviously, as this is a FiM fanfic, the planet is inhabited by ponies, zebras, griffons, et cetera, and the humans find themselves in a tough spot when things begin to go a little awry.

There is no grand adventure here, mostly human and pony interaction and exploration on the parts of both.

An attempt at using medium-hard science fiction elements and simulating a realistic response to the impossible land of Equestria from the perspective of humans accustomed to the mundane and possible. Don't expect brilliance, though, I'll warn you. This has been some shameless self-promotion. Chapter links will be updated as they come out. Enjoy!

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six


Last edited by IncoherentOrange on Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:52 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:18 pm

For some unfathomable reason, this story occupied slot #12 in popularity for the better part of today. 104 favorites, current rating 57:1...

Since when did I deserve such attention? What did I do? I blame stringtheory.

...I know none of you guys really read this or anythin', but I'm working on the third chapter.
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Post by AwesomeOemosewA Fri Oct 19, 2012 2:54 pm

I love stringtheory
I just freaking love stringtheory
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Post by Kippershy Fri Oct 19, 2012 3:04 pm

If I get bored at some point and don't feel like doing anything in particular, I'll be sure to give it a shot.
Sorry I haven't read it sooner / promised to read it tomorrow, I'm just awfully picky at times and though I have no issue with your idea, I just haven't felt like reading anything new in a little while.

/sense, make none.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Fri Oct 19, 2012 5:11 pm

Bah. Do as you wish and only read it if it interests you, don't feel pressed.

Yes, Stringtheory is quite awesome. When I sent it to him for pre-reading, he consulted me on terminology for a spacecraft appearing in the story. I'd called it a 'spaceplane', but since 'shuttle' invariably sounds better, I changed it.

As for the story... 81:1, 137 favorites, and 500 views. It doesn't feel right, like it's too much for what it is.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:05 pm

Well, I posted chapter three...

The story is in the featured box, slot third from right.

Fanfic: Eclipse 2066584637
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Post by CamoBadger Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:29 pm

Dang, congrats man!

I normally don't read HumanxEquestria stories, but I may just have to read this one.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:43 pm

Story's not in the feature box anymore, but the fact that it was is pretty cool, I think.

As of now, the story's rating is 117:3 (39:1 ratio), has 211 favorites, and 787 views.

Edit: Since last night, it's come to 151:3, has 249 favorites, and 918 views.

I am also getting minor occasional flak for my logical inadequacies, but it's all been constructive and friendly, if not neutral.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:45 pm

A person by the name of Milo E-mailed me a list of excellent advice to improve the story, and has accepted an offer to become a pre-reader for the story. I believe his input will assist me greatly. Also, the story has reached 1K views, passing my seven-month-old first story.

Anyway, what grinds my gears is when people leave a dislike and don't explain why. I've got five of them now, (to 164, with 275 favorites. I'm not really complaining about the ratio here, which is totally unfair and unjustified and all that in that it's too damn high for being a story filled with things people often are turned off by, like humans and a mostly-OC cast, not to mention the quality of the work itself) and really wonder why people leave them. If it's not what you expected, sure, downvote it. If it's not your cup of tea, leave it alone. If you like it, upvote it. I suppose that's how it works. Still, I wonder why it's too hard to leave some sort of elaboration.

And, to end, a rather irrelevant (to most of you, I figure) status update: I'm beginning work on chapter four sometime this weekend. In relation to that, does anyone know how to write Princess Celestia? I never really could pull her off well.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:29 pm

Well, good news, the wall at the back of the room! I've sent off chapter four to my new pre-reader, Milo. At long last, I'm back on track. Now, to reward myself by watching the new episode.

As for current statistics, it has three hundred and one favorites, one hundred and eighty-five upvotes, and six downvotes. I still don't know what went right.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Nov 25, 2012 2:31 am

Well, since Tylertoon requested that I do so, I'll post the contents of the fourth chapter here before I post it on FiMFiction (which I will do NOT in the middle of the night, for obvious reasons).

Also, String, I didn't contact you this time around because I didn't want to put more reading on you, especially some of poorer quality. I don't think this chapter was really all that good, but it's a means to an end, the end being advancement of the story.

Anyway, 'ere you go, chapter four. The text formatting and such might be off, but whatever. It'll look better in FiMFic's word processor.

here be chapter four:

Edit: And it's up. Also, I'm sorry I'm kind of posting on this thread as though I expect you guys to read this. Don't bother if you're not interested, I understand completely. The story is in the update queue now, I won't see if it makes the featured box again (which I do not doubt, considering the story made the cut last time, somehow. It's a really mysterious system) for a little while.
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Fanfic: Eclipse Empty Re: Fanfic: Eclipse

Post by IncoherentOrange Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:08 am

I have grounds to believe that FiMFiction will be shut down within the next week or so because it 'harbors clopfics, and those of various unacceptable varieties,' by a division of Anonymous. (I did the math; the site is 3% clopfics, or thereabouts.) As such, I'll be posting the entire story within this thread as a precaution. Basically it's just a dump; I can't say it's fully readable due to formatting issues, but now you can read this all here, if you wish, and I don't have to worry about losing it all.

chapter one:

chapter two:

Post is getting too long, splitting.


Last edited by IncoherentOrange on Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:13 am; edited 3 times in total
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Post by IncoherentOrange Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:10 am

chapter three:

chapter four:

chapter five--work in progress:

Can't be too careful, now.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Dec 09, 2012 11:21 am

Chapter five released, adding to OP.

Story's in the featured box again.Fanfic: Eclipse 1639762117
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Dec 09, 2012 5:25 pm

Those EQD guys got back to me, and this is what I got.

Spoiler:

...Fanfic: Eclipse 2066584637
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Post by IncoherentOrange Tue Jan 01, 2013 8:10 pm

EqD got 'round to posting my story.

Pretty psyched for the feedback.
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Post by RoboRed Tue Jan 01, 2013 10:58 pm

Congrats. Twilight Sparkle
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Post by tylertoon2 Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:06 am

IncoherentOrange wrote:EqD got 'round to posting my story.

Pretty psyched for the feedback.

Big congrats Orange!


Unfortunately, as pointed out by one of your fellow write members, once again I see you struggling with characterization and your things over people approach. This is an issue. Now I'm no writer but I may be able to help some. Get on the Teamspeak sometime!
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Post by Necr0maNceR Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:40 am

Congrats, man! This is a large step forward.
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Post by Downloaded Skill Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:18 am

Congrats Orange! If you need anyone to bounce some ideas off of or discuss things let me know. I'll be happy to help.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:35 pm

So I've achieved five hundred votes on my story, netting 485:15, exactly 97% approval from voted viewers. There are many (~300) that have favorited the story but not voted yet.

I've actually gotten some work done on my next chapter, and think I can get it out by Tuesday if all goes well, but I could use a little feedback on an idea I'd discussed with another circle for chapter seven. This is my present planned course of action.

Spoiler:

So whaddaya think of that?
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Post by Harmony Ltd. Sat Jan 12, 2013 4:20 pm

I think it depend on where you want to take the story.

That may be a good way to introduce a legitimate reason for the ponies to worry if you need your story to have one, outside of the obvious "they're freaking aliens !" "xenophobic" gut-reaction they could have (and have already).

In itself, it's a good plot device that doesn't seem too far fetched, using elements that have been introduced in the FiM canon. You'd just need to make sure to execute it so it doesn't seem like an ass-pull born of plot-convenience :

Spoiler:
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Jan 13, 2013 1:00 am

The ponies will be wary of the aliens, of course. The intent of this incident is to show them the destructive ability of those they've allowed to stay, give them some knowledge of how direct in their methods, as well as advanced, humans tend to be.

Of course it'd need to be set up reasonably, and I've been thinking about how to do that, but I really kinda need a source of conflict before people realize I ain't got one. This won't be the climax or main incident, but a plot progression and trigger.

Spoiler:
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Post by Harmony Ltd. Sun Jan 13, 2013 9:42 am

IncoherentOrange wrote:
Spoiler:
Spoiler:

Seriously though, that sounds like a good plan to me.
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Post by Downloaded Skill Sun Jan 13, 2013 1:57 pm

I'd like to post a little input on that idea if I may.

Spoiler:

I plan to read your story, but I've been busy lately. I hope my input is useful.
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Post by Frost Sun Jan 13, 2013 9:29 pm

I can't believe I never found this thread before
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sat Jan 19, 2013 11:25 pm

OK. I have finally finished chapter six.

Whoever wants to pre-read it for me can find it here: http://www.fimfiction.net/chapter/222978

Password is 'inco'.
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Post by Downloaded Skill Sun Jan 20, 2013 1:05 am

I'm doing a pre read of the chapter now. Will edit this post when I get a critique together.

*edit* Critique spoilered below.

Spoiler:

I'm not English major so use your own judgment when it comes to my grammatical suggestions. I hope this is helpful to you, let me know if you want me to elaborate on anything.
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Post by IncoherentOrange Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:02 am

Hey, thanks man! That's really helpful. I'll be making some changes tomorrow. Read the rest of the fic yet? Might settle a few (but not many, you've pointed out plenty of real flaws, I really appreciate it!) of your concerns.
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Post by Downloaded Skill Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:29 am

I haven't read the entire fic yet, school is really starting to pick up, but pre-reading this really piqued my interest. I'm saving it to read later. I'd like to play a part in the development of the story, if you don't mind. I'll pre-read and offer input on your ideas. I really do want your fic to be successful so let's work together. What did you think of the last input, about the Ursa?
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