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Solar Eclipse
by Sky Cloud Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:31 pm
This is my newest fan-fiction! it will have some cursing and gore. please give me constructive critisim and tell me what you ponies think :)
Prologue:
Prologue:
- Spoiler:
- It was like the same, everyday morning. I woke up, got dressed, and had breakfast if i was lucky enough to wake up early. It didn't seem like today would be any different. As I left for school, my mom kissed me good bye like always, but this time it felt different. It felt like that would be the last time i'd ever see her. I kissed her back, and left. I went through my classes, slowly, and it was very boring. Then came lunch time. I zoomed past the other students in the hall, so i could get a good enough place in line for the pizza. I got my usual, Pepperoni Pizza with a Propel. Then i sat down with my friends Josh, Payton, and Cory. By the way, my name is, or was Kirk. Now its Sky Cloud. Funky name huh?
Anyway, we talked about our lives, how this teacher did this and how much of a asswipe that teacher is. We never expected what happened next. We were talking about how awesome the newest episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic was. What was the episode, 15 i think? We heard a faint boom, like something exploded. We all turned to the right, staring right at a mushroom shaped cloud that was rainbow colors. You might be thinking that im on drugs or something, but im not, so shut up and keep reading. We felt the blast impact a few seconds later, as it shattered the windows to tiny sharp pieces of glass, that ripped through the nearest poor soul. I watched in horror as i saw Josh get ripped by the glass, gashes running all over his body, as Payton and Cory got flung around the room, smashing into the pillars and getting slammed on the ground. Finally, I turned around to see a table smack into me, sending me flying through a pillar and underneath another table. As my life slowly drifted away, like sands of a time counter, i saw in the distance six four legged creatures. That was the day we all died.
Last edited by Sky Cloud on Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
Sky Cloud- Ursa Minor
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Discord Mon Feb 27, 2012 2:56 pm
It’s decent so far, I like the negative spin on the sonic rainboom. I look forward to reading more and seeing how they make sense of their new world. I’m a little confused on what exactly happened....so you and your friends were watching the show and saw your selves already ponyfied or what, I guess I’m just confused on how you transitioned from everyday life to bam in the episode. After a second look through it makes sense I'm guessing that you were some how transported in the episode and then were hit by the shockwave of the rainboom killing you. you might want to clear that up or it might be just me.
Last edited by Discord on Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
Discord- Earth Pony
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Sky Cloud Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:05 pm
we were talking about it... i should probably clear that up hehe... thanks
Sky Cloud- Ursa Minor
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Moonlight Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:33 pm
Every man dreams his own heaven. There are a few little things like spelling grammar punctuation, but that's what proofreading is for! I'd like to see where this goes, and you'll probably have a fun time explaining it!
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Sky Cloud Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:35 pm
thanks :D im writing this during school and i think i might be halfway or almost done with chapter 1
Sky Cloud- Ursa Minor
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Guest Mon Feb 27, 2012 7:51 pm
Lol i can't write in school recently because people keep grabbing paper and reading it and laughing
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Discord Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:08 pm
wow thats not cool.....you ever tried socking them in the gut......thats how i solved some of my problems in school. but be warned it will lead to more violence.......now that i think about i really should of walked away form a lot of those fights, but the past is the past no changing it now.
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by CamoBadger Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:41 am
Honestly, I like the idea to this story, and I'll definitely be keeping tabs on it.
Could use a little more description to add length, but since it is the prologue that isn't really important. All in all, it was pretty well written, and I can't wait to see more!
Could use a little more description to add length, but since it is the prologue that isn't really important. All in all, it was pretty well written, and I can't wait to see more!
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Sky Cloud Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:29 pm
Chapter one is like five pages and thats just half of it. i hope to make this a legit one!
Sky Cloud- Ursa Minor
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Discord- Earth Pony
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Re: Solar Eclipse
by Sky Cloud Sun Apr 15, 2012 12:12 pm
ok wow i havnt been on here in forever. Sorry for not updating this. im just gonna write the whole story on Word then post it on another thread. i was writing this when my Chrome crashed so yea...
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