Sister forumFallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Tue May 22, 2012 6:30 pm
Aonee wrote:Aye, it was a good chapter, Kipper. I'd give a review, but I'm not one for walls of text :P
It was good after all? thank you!
I liked it as I wrote it, with all the little bits of humour here and there, but wondered if it was any good with a definite lack of violence in the chapter.
Though as mentioned in my comment at the end of the chapter - part two is going to be bringing the pain.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Ketchup Tue May 22, 2012 6:54 pm
My review-esque thing is on FIMfiction.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Tue May 29, 2012 5:37 pm
Wrote 5,000 words of chapter 8 today.
Rewrote a 1,500 word scene about 4 times over as well at the same time.
All within 4 hours.
Done some light grammar editing in the section as well, but given the content I'm finding it hard.
I've been asked by some people to make it darker.
...Turns out, I made it too dark and had to rewrite which shoved me into rewriting another bit, and another, and then I noticed I'd forgotten to use the sneak peek preview teaser chapter content, so I had to do another rewrite to work that into it all (with some editing to the content of what I used - but that's the liberty of a chapter teaser!)
Needless to say, it wont be getting this dark for quite a while after, I reckon - if it ever does reach this level again, anyway.
Rewrote a 1,500 word scene about 4 times over as well at the same time.
All within 4 hours.
Done some light grammar editing in the section as well, but given the content I'm finding it hard.
I've been asked by some people to make it darker.
...Turns out, I made it too dark and had to rewrite which shoved me into rewriting another bit, and another, and then I noticed I'd forgotten to use the sneak peek preview teaser chapter content, so I had to do another rewrite to work that into it all (with some editing to the content of what I used - but that's the liberty of a chapter teaser!)
Needless to say, it wont be getting this dark for quite a while after, I reckon - if it ever does reach this level again, anyway.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Wed May 30, 2012 8:13 am
Chapter 8 has been released. It's damn dark and quite frankly I'm not sure if anyone is going to call me a monster and hate me for it, but... what will be, will be.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Aonee Wed May 30, 2012 12:28 pm
Yea. That was dark. I don't even know what to say. Except that I'd prefer it to not get as dark again. I'll be honest, PH is enough dark for me, I liked how everything else has a relatively lighter tone. So... Yea, I'd say dont go as dark again.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Wed May 30, 2012 12:37 pm
I don't think I need to after this. The trauma to Crimson has been dealt and that takes away from his whole "I'm untouchable, nothing phases me" streak, which was a point of complaint by some.
I personally prefer the lighter side of things myself too. Though I will keep this chapter as it is unless there's an absolute uproar over it
I've shown how dark the wasteland truly is to Crimson, I've given him the emotional scar and he'll never heal from this. Never.
I personally prefer the lighter side of things myself too. Though I will keep this chapter as it is unless there's an absolute uproar over it
I've shown how dark the wasteland truly is to Crimson, I've given him the emotional scar and he'll never heal from this. Never.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 2:13 am
swicked wrote:Kippershy wrote:Chapter 8 has been released. It's damn dark and quite frankly I'm not sure if anyone is going to call me a monster and hate me for it, but... what will be, will be.
Dark, you say? Maybe I should give this a look...
Review with LMR images, go!
- Spoiler:
Hmm... Pegasis flying through a stable? Which stable is this? And an overmare's son, going to be the next overmare? Whaaa?
Ha! I know all these places his father has gone!
Oh, and that ebony and ivory thing was classic!
Eh, this village montage is a little slow... a lot of cliches and an immediate sex scene, plus general bossing others around. He's probably used to it, but...
Oh! Chapter 1 done! On to two! And wow, is this guy the ladies' buck or what?
Hehehe... she almost died. Silly mare. "I just don't know what went wrong..." “Yeah, I do, and that’s why I’m about to do something stupid" Nice lines :P
...she put on his helmet to cry? Why?
"After some time, the two girls had shared some stories about their personal lives and other trivial details about stallions and such, no doubt just to make me feel awkward."
Oooo... SUCH a ladies' buck... I can see why they agreed to the threesome XD
“You... You absolute donkey. Don’t be a smart-ass Crimson!”
Why's everybody always gotta be hatin' on donkeys? That's what I want to know...
Aww... he loves his papa. Yay! And Mayor Blossom. LOVE LOVE SNUGGLEFEST
Turrets... oh dear.
And then he's getting ridden again.
...a shopping trip later and he's making some pretty steep promises to this mayor. Did his mom authorize that? Does he have the authority of the other villages? This is peculiar.
Cried because of a necklace? Does the necklace mean something, like it looked like her mother's, who herself died in a tragic boating accident or some such? Crying because of thoughtfulness... I don't know, I'd just be very flattered. Huh.
Oh, deary me, Crimson, you ARE so very thoughtful! And I know just how to repay you... this time, let's have a FOURSOME!
*snicker*
Ah, so he WASN'T actually authorized to give those compensations out, but she's more just concerned about his well-being. Eh, okay.
End of chapter 2! Not bad. A little awkward at times, but I'm going to at least get up past chapter 8, since that's the lure that drew me to this in the first place.
Go monsterdome! More reviews in a new post, this one's kinda long with all the images...
Oh god. You remind me of a lass over on 4chan I always like to jokingly charm. She started using those pictures herself xD This is funny stuff.
Anyway, you're awesome for reading this =3
I know that the first few chapters start slow - and things stay rather light in terms of darkness until chapter 8 (barring 3 which has some darkness to it) but I'd say its worth trying out at least - eve if you get tired of the good luck he gets to begin with and skip straight to 8.
Things get a lot tougher for him after 8 in my plans.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 2:32 am
swicked wrote:
Chapter threeeeeee, here I coooooome, ready or nooooooot!
- Spoiler:
Hehe, he isn't getting a chance to speak, classic. That IS a pretty bad idea about the Society, though. Yeah, they don't want to lose a major trading partner... but you don't do that at the expense of giving out expensive stuff for free!
...oh, and a buck that talks like big mac. Eeeyup. Probably would have given him a sillier made-up name, myself. Dusk is pretty cool.
Hmmm... stuff I know. A lot of stuff I know. Necessary exposition, I understand, but... hmmm. That's all.
Sigh... quoting songs? I'm really not one for pop culture references...
"I'm the only one that gets to bite him"? Really? And gezz, if this isn't a lot of mindless wolves.
Awwww... she's something special. SO SPECIAL.
You're a sap :P
Zardoz.
I like this fight better. Much more action-y.
Mercy comes CHEAP MOTHAFUGGAAAAAAAA!!!!!
DONE WIT DIS FUN LIKE A NUN WIT A BUN!
Next chapter time.
haha, god I'm adoring your reviews =3
I quote song lyrics? I honestly don't remember.
That or I did it unintentionally.
And it's true, I really am a full on sap when I want to be.
Unfortunately gotta head off now for work, but thank you for all the reviewing you've done so far and I will be back and tell you how much I deeply appreciate this when I am.
Thank you ^_____________^
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:06 pm
swicked wrote:
Yo, time to testify about your writing, guy!
I'll bring the pee why tees, you bring the bro en whys!
CHAPTER FOUR, BEGIN!
- Spoiler:
Oh, mercy me! Oh wah! Oh foo! Was killing him the right thing to do?
YES. YES IT WAS.
These are silly ponies. Buck them! Buck them all!
And this town is interesting...
Has a threesome with a mare before he's willing to call her a marefriend?
What, did he also learn to fly before he could crawl?
'dis guy is ridiculous
"The dirt covered mare just gave Cherry a shooty look."
Uhhh... can you do this? Does Somber have a trademark on "shooty look"? 'Cause I don't remember that phrase prior to PH, and it's almost as popular a catchphrase as "Security saves ponies."
Hehe, amazed at the no medical training ability to recognize a fresh wound that isn't magically healing.
Did I mention these ponies are silly? Oh? I did, like, a second or so ago?
Well let me reiterate: THESE PONIES ARE SILLY!!
At the manticore part.
Sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap sap.
BOOM, HEADSHOT! M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!
Hmm. Well, go zonkeys, I suppose. Convenient to end up with so many healing potions just before this, though. And to be right next to a hospital.
Heh, this guy's gonna annex half of equestria into four ridges by the end of the month, ain't he?
Kissy kissy sap kissy kissy sap kiss...
♪♫TEE EN TEE, IT'S DYE NO MITE!!!♪♫
...well, THAT'S an interesting blast pattern...
...and then another mare joins the crimson herd.
Welp, definitely stopping now, fun times have been had but I am sleepy as all get out. PEACE.
I did indeed take the 'shooty look' part from Somber - though I only use that phrase once in the entire story so I think it can be forgiven. For me, the shooty look is just a look of stern withheld distrust bordering anger.
As for annexing half of Equestria: OHSHI-
YOU'RE ONTO ME!
LOL
Another mare joined the Crimson heard? I mean... if you count Maisy the manticore as a mare...
Unless there's somepony I've already forgotten.
Again - thank you for this, you are downright amazing.
I know my writing doesn't even come close to Somber's level of quality but I hope you've enjoyed it all the same thus far.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 2:21 pm
swicked wrote:Katarn wrote:@swicked
- You are awesome:
Nah, I'm more like a directionless ball of energy, whooshing about in only vaguely-defined patterns.
And yeah, I meant Maisy. Mare or not she's another female that's quickly fallen in love with him XD
And I'm not amazing for just reading something. Other people are reading this. Golly :P
You're amazing for reading it and letting me know, because it makes me feel good about myself.
You're amazing for giving such interesting reviews that break it down into pieces, something I've not really seen from anyone.
You're also amazing for just being you.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Ketchup Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:09 pm
I finally got around to reading 9, I had friends over all weekend.
I am pleased to see that Swicked started reading, and his reviews are simply delectable.
Have a mini review from a less-than-punctual reader.
I am pleased to see that Swicked started reading, and his reviews are simply delectable.
Have a mini review from a less-than-punctual reader.
- Spoiler:
- First off, I didn't know what to expect with this chapter, but having a substantial amount of the chapter being wallowing didn't do much for me. I do see what you were trying to accomplish, but I'm not one to understand emotional turmoil after a traumatic incident.
Crimson fighting the ghouls was interesting. Scavengers that hunt radbits. What happened to Cherry's, anyway?
Sunburn seemed really angry for a little thing like having a tame manticore around, but I suppose she'd be used to them being a big threat. Crimson did bring quite a beating on her, which seems to have put her down for now. I see repercussions, though.
Well done with this one.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:26 pm
ketchup504 wrote:I finally got around to reading 9, I had friends over all weekend.
I am pleased to see that Swicked started reading, and his reviews are simply delectable.
Have a mini review from a less-than-punctual reader.
- Spoiler:
Crimson fighting the ghouls was interesting. Scavengers that hunt radbits. What happened to Cherry's, anyway?
Sunburn seemed really angry for a little thing like having a tame manticore around, but I suppose she'd be used to them being a big threat. Crimson did bring quite a beating on her, which seems to have put her down for now. I see repercussions, though.
Well done with this one.
- Spoiler:
- Indeed. I know that the whole mostly wallowing through the chapter wasn't going to get everyone's best votes but at the same time, I really am going for what's best as a writer rather then doing anything to make the story action packed and "interesting".
If done properly, a characters reactions to traumatic events should be interesting in themselves and I apologised that I couldn't make it so for you, though you mention that you're not really one for that anyway, so that makes it understandable.
As for the fight; I'm glad that you liked it. I was trying to make it obvious just how much Crimson now detests ghouls and how he will lose his shit in sight of feral ghouls - more so when they're in Old Coltchester due to the previous event.
Prince Snugglebums is still around, but with how Crimson had been feeling he paid absolutely no attention to the little critter.
I will admit that part of it was I simply forgot to write it in, though if you look at it from the mind of someone who is preoccupied with something massive that has happened, a little detail like Cherry just sorting out P.SB quickly would easily be overlooked by him.
He'll still be around and mentioned now and then, but right now P.SB is only a little baby and thus spends most of his time sleeping in her saddlebags. I'll be sure to write that into the next chapter. Thank you for raising that point.
>Mayor of village that is in charge of defences for all of Four Ridges, excluding the Stable itself.
>Manticore flies into the zone and has had Crimson tell them not to shoot.
>It's a manticore at the end of the day.
Of course she's upset. A manticore would rip a pony in two with little effort given the chance and motivation. It would also take some heavy firepower or lots of effort to take it down - and she's supposed to just let it fly freely around Four Ridges?
In her mind, it was stupid and reckless - an unnecessary action with no benefit (she doesn't know about the baby).
On top of that, she's a bitch anyway. Simple as.
As for Crimson giving her a beating... she totally deserved it though it's an unusual way of keeping someone in line, its completely accepted as the warriors way of sorting things (he didn't exactly kill her, nor did he do it without warning or challenging her) and thus wins him some respect. Though I will say you have the right idea.
Anyway, thank you for your mini review and thank you for bringing your points up. Very much appreciated as always - every bit of what people think helps me improve. (or try to, anyway).
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 6:57 pm
swicked wrote:
Today's review is brought to you by the letter G.
Startin' five!
- Spoiler:
Uh... hi, miss alicorn. Watching us while we were sleeping, were you? And reading my mind? Well aren't you, um... precocious...
Hmm... ten legs, bunch of eyes... flux beasts? Centaurs? What could these be?
Aww... how adorable... Maicy found a very special unidentifiable mass of limbs and eyes to mate with. I wonder how the babies will look?
Ah. Radspiders. Bigger, grew two extra legs? Or are they arachnids? Eh, I suppose it doesn't matter, either way. Maicy's still buggering one of them.
Also: these townsfolk sure learn gun skills quick. But then, so did... was it called "BigTown" in FO3? I think so...
"Of course Crimson, We'll hold our end of the bargain up. Now... there's something I want to..." She paused for a moment, obviously trying to find the proper words. "I'm not entirely sure about this, but there's something I want to offer you the chance for."
In before they suggest a... what number are we up to, now? Fivesome?
Oooooh, my bad. It's a quest. I guess that's fine, too...
Her pet radbit?!?
...okay, I'll admit that pun drew a chuckle, but don't do it again, kay? :P
Yaaaaaaay battle. Boom boom boom.
Symbols on the walls... are those runes? Big military door. Kid starts inexplicably following him... yeah, this isn't gonna end well.
Hey, this doctor is nice! This one time when I was a lot younger I was swinging on this swingset and this kid half my age ran out of nowhere in front of me and got kicked in the face, hard. His dad immediately came over and got mad at me. I said I was sorry and his reply was "Sorry doesn't make the pain go away." It's like... what was I supposed to do? You can't stop swinging like that in the middle of everything. Anyway, again, this doctor is nice. Crimson actually COULD have done something to avoid this and she isn't even blaming him...
A free duster, and getting in scot free just because of his uniform... what is this guy's luck score, 11?
Or... wait. Wild wastelands. I see...
Oop! End of chapter. Pretty good, getting better. Keep up the good work!
That's it for this episode of swicked LMR reviews... tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel!
By the princesses. So much love for you.
That made me laugh so much (especially the brought to you by the letter G part.)
May I ask which pun in particular got you?
Oh, and totally getting a sixsome somewhere in the story now. LOL
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Aonee Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:00 pm
@Sixsome Wait until the PHRP crew comes. Crimson, Steawberry, Aonee, Crystalane, Midnite, Obsidian, Guard and Terra!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:00 pm
swicked wrote:radbit, aka the one I mentioned directly prior to that part :P
Ahhh. haha, thanks.
They're cute little fuckers.
...kinda.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:01 pm
Aonee wrote:@Sixsome Wait until the PHRP crew comes. Crimson, Steawberry, Aonee, Crystalane, Midnite, Obsidian, Guard and Terra!
How many of those are female? >.>
I mean... I have had one person asking for Crimson to be bisexual, but...
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Aonee Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:03 pm
It's an even spread between both genders. I'm certain they could make it work somehow. Oh, and ones a griffin.Kippershy wrote:Aonee wrote:@Sixsome Wait until the PHRP crew comes. Crimson, Steawberry, Aonee, Crystalane, Midnite, Obsidian, Guard and Terra!
How many of those are female? >.>
I mean... I have had one person asking for Crimson to be bisexual, but...
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:05 pm
Aonee wrote:It's an even spread between both genders. I'm certain they could make it work somehow. Oh, and ones a griffin.Kippershy wrote:Aonee wrote:@Sixsome Wait until the PHRP crew comes. Crimson, Steawberry, Aonee, Crystalane, Midnite, Obsidian, Guard and Terra!
How many of those are female? >.>
I mean... I have had one person asking for Crimson to be bisexual, but...
Oh, okay! Well if another female is needed then Cherry can always be convinced that joining would be hilarious fun. LOL
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Aonee Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:12 pm
I meant Cherry, not strawberry. *Facepalm*Kippershy wrote:Aonee wrote:It's an even spread between both genders. I'm certain they could make it work somehow. Oh, and ones a griffin.Kippershy wrote:Aonee wrote:@Sixsome Wait until the PHRP crew comes. Crimson, Steawberry, Aonee, Crystalane, Midnite, Obsidian, Guard and Terra!
How many of those are female? >.>
I mean... I have had one person asking for Crimson to be bisexual, but...
Oh, okay! Well if another female is needed then Cherry can always be convinced that joining would be hilarious fun. LOL
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:13 pm
Hm. I'll give it a thought and all that. Maybe I can have them be something else that Crimson despises (as I imagine they'd be on the same mental level as a feral ghoul or wild animal.)
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:14 pm
Aonee wrote:I meant Cherry, not strawberry. *Facepalm*Kippershy wrote:Aonee wrote:It's an even spread between both genders. I'm certain they could make it work somehow. Oh, and ones a griffin.Kippershy wrote:Aonee wrote:@Sixsome Wait until the PHRP crew comes. Crimson, Steawberry, Aonee, Crystalane, Midnite, Obsidian, Guard and Terra!
How many of those are female? >.>
I mean... I have had one person asking for Crimson to be bisexual, but...
Oh, okay! Well if another female is needed then Cherry can always be convinced that joining would be hilarious fun. LOL
bahahha. that makes more sense then!
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Ketchup Sun Jun 10, 2012 7:40 pm
I think this is a good idea... but maybe some of them could have three legs. Centaurs are a mix of whatever the super mutants could catch and cram in to a vat of FEV, as such, brahmin, dogs, and other animals make up centaurs. Maybe put some griffin in there?swicked wrote:Random: you know how in fallout there are centaurs, being four or more legged mutated humans?
There should totally be Fallout Equestria "satyrs", being two legged mutated ponies.
Just a thought.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Guest Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:45 pm
swicked wrote:Let's rock this chapter, shall we?
♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
Flying away from reality
Whatever-ever happened to gravity?
I see it clear, a shooting star
And I'm really gonna sing it like da-da-da
♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
- Spoiler:
"Apparently I was supposed to 'know my place', which was strange because usually it was the other way around."
I don't think I remember Crimson ever saying that to Cherry... so what does he mean?
His head felt like a radbit dropped a tree on it? They do that? How big are these things?
Also: I don't think they plug IVs into people's heads.
Hehe, I hope this zonkey becomes a character. He is pretty darn effective. Not easy to get alone when you're half zebra, let alone the other half being donkey, anyway.
Eh... weren't the only injuries Crimson took entirely superficial ones to his cheek? And some from the turrets... I think he got one in his side. And some beating about the head by Cherry. Though, with healing potions and all, I don't get why he's apparently unfit for battle...
I suppose Cherry might just be making possessive excuses, though.
Yo, didn't Crimson have special forces training? I don't get it. He told Cherry he did, others don't know it exists, he didn't know she was one, she didn't know he was one... what do they do? Are they all sleeper agents like this?The independent township of Coltshire Commons
TANK MILITARY GROUP SITE BRAVO
Eh... crying, justifying... this is really not behavior fitting a special forces member. She could, at least, ATTEMPT to maintain some decorum...
Hmm... "At the grave". Pretty cool song... but short as heck.
"B C"...
Baby Cakes?
Hee... Raiders and Enclave and Rangers, oh my!
Skip ahead, two want him dead! Oh, is THIS ever going to end well...
Wow, they know what an alicorn is, yet they think they can take her? These two estúpidos.
Welp, red is dead.
See what I did there? I'm mighty proud of that, yes sirree bob howdy.
Good job, Kippershy. I'm definitely looking forward to the attack of the darkness in two chapters!
Gotta say I love these reviews, maybe I should give broken bonds a shot.
Guest- Guest
Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Ketchup Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:22 pm
I'd have to agree. They certainly are.swicked wrote:
My reviews bring all the boys to the yard
And they’re like, "It’s better than yours!"
Damn right, it’s better than yours
I could teach you but I have to charge...
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:18 am
swicked wrote:Let's rock this chapter, shall we?
♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
Flying away from reality
Whatever-ever happened to gravity?
I see it clear, a shooting star
And I'm really gonna sing it like da-da-da
♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
- Spoiler:
"Apparently I was supposed to 'know my place', which was strange because usually it was the other way around."
I don't think I remember Crimson ever saying that to Cherry... so what does he mean?
His head felt like a radbit dropped a tree on it? They do that? How big are these things?
Also: I don't think they plug IVs into people's heads.
Hehe, I hope this zonkey becomes a character. He is pretty darn effective. Not easy to get alone when you're half zebra, let alone the other half being donkey, anyway.
Eh... weren't the only injuries Crimson took entirely superficial ones to his cheek? And some from the turrets... I think he got one in his side. And some beating about the head by Cherry. Though, with healing potions and all, I don't get why he's apparently unfit for battle...
I suppose Cherry might just be making possessive excuses, though.
Yo, didn't Crimson have special forces training? I don't get it. He told Cherry he did, others don't know it exists, he didn't know she was one, she didn't know he was one... what do they do? Are they all sleeper agents like this?The independent township of Coltshire Commons
TANK MILITARY GROUP SITE BRAVO
Eh... crying, justifying... this is really not behavior fitting a special forces member. She could, at least, ATTEMPT to maintain some decorum...
Hmm... "At the grave". Pretty cool song... but short as heck.
"B C"...
Baby Cakes?
Hee... Raiders and Enclave and Rangers, oh my!
Skip ahead, two want him dead! Oh, is THIS ever going to end well...
Wow, they know what an alicorn is, yet they think they can take her? These two estúpidos.
Welp, red is dead.
See what I did there? I'm mighty proud of that, yes sirree bob howdy.
Good job, Kippershy. I'm definitely looking forward to the attack of the darkness in two chapters!
haha, again, you are truly amazing. thank you.
As for Crimsons training, I apologise for not making it clear - he's had extra (special) training but not special forces level training.
Where-as Cherry would be SAS he would be trained to the point of an officer or Staff Sargent or something - still more training then the others but not the same gruelling experience as spec ops.
I'll take a look at how I word it and see if it needs clarification.
same with IV drip to the head. I was supposed to change that to the back of the neck (spine)
edit: Oh, you'll learn more about radbits and their abilities soon.
Also, Cherry 'knowing her place' is a sign of his arrogance from being heir to leadership over Four Ridges.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Katarn Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:45 am
@swicked
Song, that you mention, it's edited Two Steps From Hell - Starfall They got many good chords and tunes. If you wish, check their albums. Especially Legend and Invincible.
Song, that you mention, it's edited Two Steps From Hell - Starfall They got many good chords and tunes. If you wish, check their albums. Especially Legend and Invincible.
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sat Jun 16, 2012 2:49 pm
swicked wrote:
The following takes place between the reviews of chapters six and eight.
- Spoiler:
You're definitely speeding things up, here. Kinda wondering when/where you're trying to have your fic exist.
The effects of Red Eye's death on Filly? Shit's going down, son! It's gonna be a war zone! Whatchu care about slave colonies, anyway?
"Ended up winning that fight when I held my gun to one of their ballsacks.”
I gave her a surprised look and instinctively recoiled in horror of the thought, but quickly realised just how necessary it would’ve been."
Hehehehehehehe
"Nudging her flank where there was dried blood for effect, she recoiled slightly in pain, obviously still sore."
*notices wound on girlfriend*
*pokes it*
#crimsonlogic
At least I get why she didn't hit him back. After all, she gave him a concussion last time.
""Hey! What are you doing!" Cried out Cherry.
"I'm the big bad enclave soldier, here to take what I want" I said in my most seductive voice."
*girlfriend fights off rapists*
*immediately try to re-enact attack as an erotic fantasy*
#crimsonlogic
"No buts."
I whinnied in response. "But... but... I like your butt!"
BUTTS ARE FOR POOPING!
I swear, I find the stupidest things funny sometimes...
Sigh... infodump. Water talisman still degrading, restate red eye is dead, what's going on with the caravans, etc... I get that the characters don't know it, and you should show instead of telling, but... I already know this stuff. I don't really care to be reminded of it a chapter after it happens...
Ha, I was right... Baby Cakes.
Also: yes, she totally slept with him for the sake of her duty. It's written in the special forces charter.
Rule 1: If you can, sleep with the person you're guarding as often as possible, and be sure to have protection; your standard-issue coltchester should do the job.
D'awwww... well ain't these two the special-est specialists in specialton...
"Give me one sec... right, that's 110.. 2-6.. 3-0.. Four-hundred caps please..."
"Crimson. Are you certain? We need some money!"
"Watch and learn haggling."
"Four fifty huh? Seems quite steep, especially when you're selling to someone who saved your town."
?!?
Fancy mathematics...
Also: megaswarm - clearly a legitimate unit of measurement :P
Teddy Bear Sentinel picnic? You don't say...
Oh! The end. Pretty good, slow in the middle, but pretty good.
I can't start eight right away
because I've stuff to do today
Despite how I might want to play
At this piiiiiicnic!
Chao!
Oooooops @ money part.
I edited that about four times >.> I'll go fix that now.
Thank you ever so much for noticing that.
edit: also, thank you for the review =3 so much appreciated and all that. really is.
and yes, lots of #Crimsonlogic
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Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.
by Kippershy Sun Jul 01, 2012 2:40 pm
Chapter 10 released and apparently had one of my friends crying straight off the bat.
I feel tremendously honoured!
Also, I'm reworking the darkest scene of chapter 8 to be more graphic, moody and awesome in general, as it was admittedly quite rushed compared to all my other work.
In other related news, the release of chapter 10 means I've officially broken 100,000 words!
("102,681 words total")
Woohoo!
edit: a friend/fan of mine encouraged me to make a ask blog for the lulz it could generate.
So here, http://askcrimsonandcherry.tumblr.com/
I feel tremendously honoured!
Also, I'm reworking the darkest scene of chapter 8 to be more graphic, moody and awesome in general, as it was admittedly quite rushed compared to all my other work.
In other related news, the release of chapter 10 means I've officially broken 100,000 words!
("102,681 words total")
Woohoo!
edit: a friend/fan of mine encouraged me to make a ask blog for the lulz it could generate.
So here, http://askcrimsonandcherry.tumblr.com/
Kippershy- Lord of Derail
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