Re: Fallout Equestria: Broken Bonds.

[Kippershy]

Chapter sixteen is up, amazingly.

[Ketchup]

I intend to read it sometime in the next day or so, perhaps today. I'm not sure I'd want to do a review right now, so I'll put it off.

[CamoBadger]

Well, I'm finally reading fics again, so it's time to start back up on Chapter 4!

review:

Great chapter. Disappointed in the lack of a minigun, but oh well, I'm sure one will show up eventually.
Sorry it took so long to get this read Kip.

[Kippershy]

First of all, so much wub for another review <3 Love 'em as always.
Now, for my response =3

Cherry does act a little weird considering the raider is now a corpse... but her reasons are elaborated on further in the story.

She's a real mare! A bit of raw meat won't kill her, just put some hair on her chest! Owai-
haha. Anyway, yeah. Living in post-war Equestria, you gotta learn to deal with eating whatever you can get, barring cannibalism.

Embarrass Crimson day? If given the chance, that's every day!

Yeah, Doc is a silly pony. I can't even remember their conversation proper but I do recall her being silly.

Psh, communication pmshunication.

What? I mean, who DOESN'T have TNT just lying around? LOL

She's skilled in them for sure, but not her special talent. hah.

Actually, your first instinct is right. She doesn't believe it at first.



would respond with more but trying to get your chapter read while I'm awake and not being required to help people out on DayZ which keeps happening.
Anyway. yeah. Thank you =3

[CamoBadger]

No problem, you wrote a great story! I'm going to try and get 1 chapter out every day or two until I catch up, but with my schedule that might not happen. Regardless, I WILL catch up someday!

[CamoBadger]

Well, got a few chapters done while I was out of town, so let's do a review. Not going to be quite as in depth as my others since I forgot to take notes as I read, but I'll do my best here. It won't be in order, just some observations from the chapters.

Chapter 5-8:

Those are the really big things I wanted to point out. Sorry I couldn't give as detailed of a review this time, but trying to recall everything that happened and which chapter it was in would be challenging.

Great work on these chapters and this entire story, I love it.

[Kippershy]

Well, got a few chapters done while I was out of town, so let's do a review. Not going to be quite as in depth as my others since I forgot to take notes as I read, but I'll do my best here. It won't be in order, just some observations from the chapters.

Chapter 5-8:

Those are the really big things I wanted to point out. Sorry I couldn't give as detailed of a review this time, but trying to recall everything that happened and which chapter it was in would be challenging.

Great work on these chapters and this entire story, I love it.

Thank you very much =3 <3 so much wub for you and this.
Especially for the comment about the dark chapter.



I'll definitely have to fix the money mistake, that's what happens when you try to keep track of caps like you do early on, before you can justify just pulling numbers out of your ass after having sold shitloads of loot.
Think I'll fix that up tomorrow or something, so yeah, thanks for pointing it out to me.


Glad that Cherry manages to work her magic. I did try to make her something interesting in that sense, without having to go into too much detail about all that kind've stuff. There will be a .5 chapter, but not just yet. That comes later on.


Eos is a very interesting mare indeed. I'm glad you like her and I'm glad you're interested. That's something I've admittedly been lacking in putting into proper detail as of late, think I'll do that.
Maybe even in the chapter after next.


Originally I was sorry, but now? I think you're right. Kim ripped me a new one for what I did, but that's Kim.
It brought the story to a whole new level of darkness, gave Crimson a slice of the real world at its worst and did the job it was supposed to do.
It's in need of a rewrite for better quality stuff and all, but eh, I'll work on that eventually, ha.
I'm so very glad you enjoyed it though, it has been a very love it / hate it chapter with a lot of controversy in real life about it.
I'm also glad you've said the things you had, because you're pretty much on the mark and it makes me feel good because that means I wrote the follow up well enough that you'd assume that's how it'd affect him, if you get what I mean.

[CamoBadger]

No problem man, glad I helped out with it somehow

[Ketchup]

I read the chapter, I can give feedback next time we Skype. I didn't feel up to writing reviews, but I felt like reading FO:E. Might read the latest ATR, too.
Good chapter.

[CamoBadger]

Well, I'm gonna continue on and hit Chapter 9, so here we go.

Chapter 9:

[Kippershy]

As always you are amazing, thank you. On my phone right now so i can't go into great detail with a response just yet. However, what did you find disappointing about the fight between crimson and sunburn? Also, spot on about her. You have to have been spec ops in the past to be mayor.
if its just that Crimson won, its important he did for one andhe wouldnt have had a chance without his aerial advantage. Being able to attack from above gives a big big boost to both attack and defence.
if its how easily she seemingly went down... Mixture of pure rage from crimson and a long stress filled hectic day because of a manticore would have had her running around a lot... I'll have too work that backstory in proper.

[CamoBadger]

It was more that he won. I guess the the rage from a stressful few days definitely helped, and he did kinda cheat. But yeah, I kinda expected her to whip him. Oh well, I'm sure she's planning something horrible to get back at him for all the trouble he's causing her.

[Kippershy]

Spoiler:

[CamoBadger]

*rubs palms together* teeheeheeheee
I should not be excited for that

[CamoBadger]

Okay, free time has arrived, time for another chapter!

Chapter 10:

Good chapter, I actually did enjoy it despite being filled with romance and relationship junk. Oh well, still very well done!

[Kippershy]

Thank you! Glad you liked it!

Yeah, everyone over in Four Ridges (well, not really, but it seems that way) has a little interest in Crimson. A part of being a celebrity is that people see you as being more than you really are - only imagining the best (or worst) of you.

So him being a position of power... yeah. Turns on a lot of ponies.


I'm glad I can write cutsey stuff well enough for you. I adored writing all that because it made me feel better too.

[CamoBadger]

Is that why Sunburn wanted to fight him? So she could get nice and close and touch him all over?

[Kippershy]

HAHAHAHA. Oh god. Oh god. No, thankfully not.
She's one of the ponies that truly knows him, along with his mother. Even if he doesn't spend too much time alongside her, she's got more responsibility and maturity than to fall for the idealistic view of who somepony might be rather than who they truly are.


She's a fighter, first and foremost.

Also, I'll get around to your review tomorrow. PC broke today, all good now though... sorta.
Explain more when I'm not so tired, mkay?

[CamoBadger]

Okie Dokie!

[CamoBadger]

Okay, not doing an as-read review this time, because I decided to read on my couch rather than at my computer, much more comfortable.

Chapter 11:

Another great chapter Kipper, keep up the good work! I'm kinda interested to hear more about how Coltchester works, because a pony is the wife of the centurion, who I would assume is also a pony, yet his entire Praetorian is zebra? Eh, he's probably a zebra, and his wife is obviously a total badass bitch who seduced him like that hooker tried to seduce Crimson

[Kippershy]

As always, thank you!
It's so amazing to see what people think of each chapter, both because it lets me know that it's actually being read and because it lets me know what's good, what's bad, how to improve and so on.

Glad you liked the beginning of the chapter, I really love writing all that kind've stuff so it's good to see that it doesn't go to waste and that people don't think it's tiresome.
I'm an utter hopeless romantic in real life and I think it pours into my writing too.

Yeah, perhaps I should've been a little more thoughtful with how Crimson handled the babysitter. I don't remember how I handled it or what I was thinking back then, but your commentary does make it sound harsh. heh.

>punching the centurions wife in the face
>this being Crimson Wings
...This is Crimson we're on about, he gets away with it because his charm! ...or not.
Hahaha.

As for the song idea? Beautiful idea. Totally love the idea of that.



Not sure if I've gone into enough depth in how it all works yet even in my latest chapter, but I will do really soon. This is the benefit of reading commentary from people - I get to see what I've missed out and can improve the story as I go. Just a shame so many of my readers are so damned quiet, I have no idea what they're thinking.

[CamoBadger]

No problem! Keep up the great work!

And I guess that is a good point, it's Crimson, he does what he wants regardless of consequences XD

And I know that feel of silent readers. It's nice to see the story is being read, but it's always good to get at least some feedback to know what to work on.

[Kippershy]

Just had my nan reading a part of my latest chapter (which is WIP) and that was a... weird experience.
She's very much the 'innocent' type who dislikes swearing and violence unless it's an old WW2 film or something akin to that - so to have her reading it aloud for us was strange.

Especially when she came across this line:

" Taking my helmet off before I spoke, I gave a slow nod. "Yeah, it was. He was in terrible agony, it was relief for him. Why, would you rather have another enemy around so when you think you're safe and out of trouble, there's some zebra waiting around the corner just waiting to take a shot at me or even you as revenge for me having smashed his bollocks to nothingness?" "

[Kippershy]

Kipper being a bastard and releasing a Cloudsville exclusive teaser?
Kipper being a bastard and releasing a Cloudsville exclusive teaser!

teaser:

[Kippershy]

I'll finish the chapter tomorrow.

[CamoBadger]

Okay, time to do some general review of what I read while I was out of town this weekend.

Review:

[Kippershy]

Okay, time to do some general review of what I read while I was out of town this weekend.

Review:

You have no idea how much that means to me, thank you! -grabs you and hugs you like it or not-

Can you remind me if I ever said what the DZC actually stood for, in terms of quite literally, DZC? I of course know it as Donkey-Zebra-Coalition, but I really can't remember if I ever named them properly in the story.



You say Crimson is starting to irritate you with his recklessness, and in part that is planned as part of his flaws - I just hope I've not irritated you too much.
He will learn his lesson, soon. A part of his lesson is actually in the upcoming chapter, which, by the way - is over 19k long at the moment and still going. I'm expecting I'll end up having anywhere from 22 - 25k when I'm done.

I hope I've not fucked the pacing up of anything, either. I had at least one person comment on the speed of Crimson and Cherry's relationship at one point and that made me see how I'd fucked that up a little, and I've now had you not saying its the end of the world, but pointing out how fast Sandstorm made his way into their world.
The funny thing is, like Maisy, Sandstorm was completely organic and not at all planned until the event came and I decided it would really be a nice moment for Cherry. From there, he grew on me and yes, he is becoming a major character in his own right, slowly.

The other thing... I really hope I've not gone over the edge of overpowered with his ability to think straight while drunk and all the luck he's had in not dying so far. Yes he's come close and yes, everyone knows he has plot armour until his time (everyone has a time, it's just a matter of will it be before the story ends. I use it as an expression mostly.)
He DOES have a high charisma, starting with 7 but increasing with outside influences and his luck is 8, so yeah, he gets lucky. (S4 P5 E4 C7 I5 A7 L8)
However, he's not going to be able to survive on luck forever at this rate, you are right.


I love how you've analysed Titan down to a T, as well as Eos too. It means not only are you someone with half a brain (something I never doubted anyway) but also that you really do understand the characters and the minds that I've been hoping to give them, the characteristics that I've been hoping to ensure they have and all that.
It means that I've done a good enough job because I've hit what I wanted to do and that it's also good enough for you to figure it out without me having to lay it out in plain writing for all to see.

Titan is very sentimental to his old ways, it's how he feels the world should be once again - but before the war, as if it had never even happened, if he could make it so.
Eos does indeed feel very, very lonely and left out. Being an alicorn you never really do get much love from the one who (controlled) you for however long and having no true memories of your past would mean she's got some of the same issues Lacunae does, but for different reasons and perhaps not quite as bad.
(Eos was never a bad memory dump. Instead, she was simply left alone with only her sisters to be around...)


Anyway, I'm hoping that you'll enjoy this upcoming chapter. I expect to have it either finished up tonight (highly unlikely but possible I suppose), tomorrow night (much more likely) or on Wednesday, which is my day off. (So I'll have all day to write and get it finished.)
Crimson won't learn his lessons in a single go... but there will be one big lesson for him to learn after what is about to happen, and boy, will he learn it.


Again, thank you. It means a lot to me and I'll get to reading your latest chapter as soon as I've finished writing this one.

[CamoBadger]

Don't worry about him having plot armor, it's required for main characters to have it for at least a while, because otherwise every main character in FO:E stories would be dead in no time. Yes, he's very lucky, but he's done a good job of making friends that will save him, so he's good there. If he'd stayed alive through all this himself I would have to call bullcrap, but he's got friends that are happy to save him whenever he needs it.

I really look forward to the next chapter, and one that long, something awesome is going to happen (or something horrible considering how the last one ended...) and I can't wait to see it!

And no problem man, you've written a great story, and I like to talk about what I thought and what happened, so I'll happily do it in review form for you!

[Kippershy]

Tomorrow... tomorrow.

[CamoBadger]

Holy lot o' words batman...

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