Sister forum[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by RoboRed Fri Mar 06, 2015 7:46 pm
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:02 pm
![[GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion - Page 7 Somber11](https://i.servimg.com/u/f31/17/51/22/96/somber11.jpg)
74! This will, I expect, upset many people in varying ways.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:22 am
Yeah. This chapter was rough. We were kinda in a rush to post and go.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Epsilon Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:36 am
Rough's a bit of an understatement here, isn't it..? Geez, trying to think of something to say, but words just seem to fail me. What can you say to all that?
Incredible job you guys. Heart-wrenching beyond belief, but incredible.
Incredible job you guys. Heart-wrenching beyond belief, but incredible.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 2:21 am
Aye, sorry, swicked. You'd thought your surprise work thing would take all of tomorrow too, though (or at least that's the impression I got), and we made really good time. Despite some of the, ah, content.
(Personally, I wasn't really significantly impaired, but that's because of particulars of my emotional processing stuff. I suspect that you might similarly sail through, but I also suspect, and am seeing data supporting, that we'd be atypical there.)
(Personally, I wasn't really significantly impaired, but that's because of particulars of my emotional processing stuff. I suspect that you might similarly sail through, but I also suspect, and am seeing data supporting, that we'd be atypical there.)
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Sun Mar 08, 2015 2:54 am
*nuzzles Somber and Hinds each just barely*
- Chapter 74 Commentary:
The first third of the chapter speaking with Tom definitely has that nostalgic feeling of the "hero's big speech before the final confrontation", and I think it pulls it off extremely well.
“Oh my… Well, I think that that’s enough exploration of your mind, thank you very much. Twilight’s fantasies were so much more… literary. And much less sticky.” - Discord can be adorable too sometimes, heh...
Bastard seems like he could be a decent pony if he gets the chance.
"Don’t worry; I got you!" "And then an enormous wagon-sized chunk of metal scrap came flying through the air straight at us." - Rampage really is great.
That poor cyberpony...
The entire fight with Cognitum was incredibly tense and handled well.
"And the light grew and grew until the darkness was no more." - So happy...
It was incredibly sweet of Rampage to shield Scotch from the mechasprites.
Yeah... I don't think I can really say anything else right now... I'll miss them.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Blue Heron Sun Mar 08, 2015 3:17 am
Oh goddesses. My heart.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by ILM126 Sun Mar 08, 2015 3:29 am
Alright.... Off to read that chapter now. And I will do my best at writing a commentary and/or chapter review... I'll try...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Mar 08, 2015 5:57 am
I like this coming out on a Saturday night instead of a Sunday night. Wish I wasn't losing an hour, though. Also, why is Daylight Savings Time the part of the year when we have lots of daylight hours? Doesn't make any sense.
Will have more tomorrow, but that was a motherfucker of a chapter. I can see why it was hard on you, and am impressed you got it out in only four weeks. Thank you all.
Also, I tried to post this in the wrong thread. Oops!
- Chapter Seventy Four Running Thoughts:
- “I have to find a way... To make this all okay... I can't believe this small mistake... Could've caused so much heartache...”
Hmm. Not a good omen, I think.
Also, it might just be because it was from a poor episode overburdened with songs in place of plot, but I never cared for this one.
I dunno, death number one and waking up with all the metal are pretty closely tied together. Actually, the only really weird part about death number one was waking up (with all the metal); I'm pretty sure she was by that point expecting the death itself.
A pale white unicorn stallion with a candy cane mane smiled at me. “This should be a little easier.”
P-21, Scotch Tape, and Rampage appeared at the table. They looked around, equally baffled, till their eyes landed on the strange stallion. “Charity?” Scotch said. “What are you doing here?”
“Charity?” Rampage asked with a frown. “That’s Big Daddy!”
Okay, guess number one: she's seeing her dad and/or that first stallion she took to be retired.
I looked over at P-21, who seemed a little troubled. “Who do you see?”
He looked over at Scotch Tape, then at Tom. “Somepony… who helped me…”
Duct Tape or Blackjack, I'd guess, possibly one of the other 99 stallions.
I spotted the enormous shell of the SPP in the distance, crushed like an egg against the side of a mountain.
And that with a super-shield powered by the soul of Celestia.
Nice description, also not too bad of a pitch, given what he's working with. Too bad it still calls for the substantive extermination of large animal life in Equestria, at minimum.
As the harmony surrounded us, filling my ears, I could hear a stirring within myself. A song so familiar it felt as natural as breathing, and I looked around as songs rose from within my friends as well.
I don't remember if she heard her own song in her first death, but her conscious mind experienced it in the vision she had from eating a bit of moonstone.
Even with the skies cleared, life labored and ponies with it. It was as if life itself was being leeched from the land they struggled to make flourish. I had no idea how many generations passed, but soon the entire world had entered a stagnant stasis.
I note no apparent use of the Elements and the Gardens, though. Granted, the problem they're facing in the extra-long run isn't something Gardens was meant to deal with.
The Eater is a parasite within your world, claiming whatever life it can. By the time that it woke from the trauma of its fall, Equus had recovered, and for eons after, the generation of new life far exceeded what it could consume. But the cataclysm that struck your world destroyed that. Now more life is eaten than is renewed, and with each year, the gap grows as the cycle is impoverished. Exhaustion will take centuries, millennia, perhaps... but it is inevitable.
Ah, so it does sound like Gardens could potentially, by enabling (especially if its range is expanded, or a way to move it is found) the gap to be reversed, bring Equus back to a sustainable state.
“It won’t work. The Eater can convert moonstone to starmetal before it explodes. We’d be doing what Cognitum wants to do, just in slower amounts.”
Okay, so Tom is aware of that issue. So he must be banking on them setting him to hit the Core, but at the wrong angle of approach for the F.A.D.E. shields to work. But why wouldn't the same work in smaller quantities over time?
Horizons’s mass and speed, and my presence, are necessary to prevent the Eater from simply transforming the moonstone to starmetal.
Okay, so I was way off. When did this happen? Surely not before Goldenblood had his mirror epiphany, I'd think. After all, why would he, before realizing the Eater was real? So who did it? Did he send someone up, use someone already on the moon? Maybe someone with Sapphire's group of exiles from Awesome? Figure they'd need real magical chops, of course.
“No. That would be merciful. It tortures them eternally until they choose to join it in singing its praises.”
That could help explain why it's a scream rather than a monotone.
Oh hey, Saddle Arabia. Neat that it seems to be in decent shape.
“You may note that I’m having this conversation with you four and not with Cognitum herself. It would be futile.”
Eh, I'd think that there'd at least be a chance that directly talking with a star spirit could change something for her, if only on the basis that it makes the Eater being an eldritch abomination, as opposed to the mere hyper-advanced machine she thinks it is, more likely. Still could see the insistence that she'd be in control, though. Need to remember that Cognitum is 1) off the charts nutso-evil and 2) way dumber than she thinks she is, if perhaps smarter than Steel Rain.
“But… didn’t the Eater trick Goldenblood into using the blanks to bind you?” I asked.
Tom smiled. “Yes. It was quite helpful. The Eater needs a star spirit. I will be that spirit. But I have not weakened myself by struggling against my restraints. I’ve waited, patiently. And when we meet, he will not have a spirit enfeebled by exhaustion to devour, but a star of equal might. And even if it costs my existence, it is a price I must pay.”
Makes me think a little of the theological opinion that all actions, even those made in evil intent, are turned to the betterment of God's plan, recycled, for instance, through some of the effects of the attempts to disrupt the music of the Ainur in the Silmarilion.
“What… what if… what if the Legate is right?” I asked in a whisper. There was no reaction. “He’s got a plan… a way to use magic shields to catch you and feed you to the Eater. What would happen then?”
Wait, wasn't that Cognitum's plan, too? Wasn't the whole reason she went there to make sure that it went off at just the right time to ensure an angle of approach sufficiently close to vertical?
I didn’t know if it was flesh or metal or some horrible alloy of the two, and I didn’t want to know. I just knew that it was wrong, and the very existence of such a thing ripped at my sanity.
Hello, Lovecraft.
“Shit,” Rampage muttered, rubbing her face. “Seeing something like that… Horizons almost makes sense.”
Not really, given that that eventuality is enabled by Horizons, and Horizons wasn't made to prevent it. But using it to destroy the Eater instead? Yeah, looking better. Still be stunned if Blackjack tried to make it happen, of course.
Oh, and I see what you're doing here, reprising the decision from "Play" on a grand scale. Granted, with that being the case, it would only be more surprising for Blackjack not to play to win, taking the chance with not letting Horizons fire, given how she saw euthanizing them as one of her defining mistakes.
I wanted her here. Wanted her to hold me.
I felt a pair of hooves around my shoulders, and a pair of soft wings encircled me. Purple mane fell on my cheek, and her lips nuzzled the back of my neck. I turned, gazing up at her gentle smile, then at Tom. The stallion just gave me a sad smile, and I held the hooves embracing me, closing my eyes and pressing back against her. “Please tell me this is real, and not just in my head,” I murmured to her.
Glory just smiled, then leaned in and kissed my lips for an eternity far too short. Then she faded away before me. I wanted to weep again, but I knew what she’d want.
Man you're milking this for pathos. I wish I could be angry at you for making me feel so bad, but I can't. Also, again, let's remember that it was Glory out of the three who wanted to keep the foals alive in the hope of one day curing, freeing, and treating them.
“No.”
Fuck yeah.
“I understand plenty,” I countered, startling him again and earning a worried frown. “We might just be ponies, but we get it. I understand that you think this is the only thing we can do. I get the stakes. I get them plenty. But you are insane if you think I am going to help murder everyone that I love and care for.” I looked at my friends, one after the next, and saw matching resolution in their eyes. “We’ll stop Horizons, and Cognitum, and deal with the Eater without everyone dying.”
I believe in white pony.
Nice speech; simple, but it gets the job done. I'm of at least two minds on "saw matching resolution in their eyes." On one hand, last we saw everyone they didn't seem that resolute, and having them transition while Blackjack is saying this might help reinforce what she's saying. The counterargument, I think, is that her friends appear stronger if they get there before that point and it's less explicitly her defiance that brings them to also oppose Tom. The counter-counterargument is that drawing strength from your friends is kind of a big thing in this story, and in fact had already been brought up with the Glory bit.
“Told you,” a familiar voice purred in wicked glee. Then a translucent, ghostly form, slinky and with mismatched limbs, appeared hovering next to Tom. Extending a paw towards the stallion, it continued, laughter still in its voice, “Ten bits. Pay up.”
Discord! Can't tell if dead or not, given the way other souls from Equus had stuck around, in some cases for a long time (Applejack, Rarity (though she could have been a special case), Pinkie Pie).
“As a doornail,” Discord replied.
Well that answers that.
“She should. It’s irrational for her to pass it up,” Tom argued.
I laughed harder at this than at anything all day. Maybe the last few days.
You and Eaterpants are so drearily all-knowing that the only choice you can imagine being right is the one you think should be done.
Makes me think of a quotation from Oliver Cromwell I was recently introduced to: "I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible that you may be mistaken." Isn't it wonderful? (And couldn't you see Littlepip using a variant of it, possibly with an extra adjective and modernized?)
“But… how can you be so selfish? If the Eater is allowed to remain, or worse, be reborn, then you are dooming millions upon millions of years of thriving life! You will be robbing the universe of the songs he has taken, yours likely among them! The loss is nigh unthinkable!”
Sorry, but right now you're dealing with Kantians (or, actually, Keynesians in the don't make a big sacrifice for a distant, highly uncertain payoff sense, but more extreme), not Rawlsians, Benthamites, etc. Also following Rarity's principle that you can't give what isn't yours.
Ponies and zebras and griffins and… everyone.
And minotaurs and, relatedly, rocks.
We could make the world better.
"Just what the wasteland needs: an optimist."
“Sometimes these ‘mere mortals’ can accomplish truly staggering feats. They would even have redeemed me if those haybrains had stuck to the script!”
Still not a fan, but whatever.
“It seems that I must place my fate in your hooves. It’s your world. If you have the maturity to make such a decision, then I will respect it. I only hope that you are right.”
Reminds me a bit of the thing from that one episode of Doctor Who last season, but so far much less shit.
“That bitch with the missile launcher is being more annoying than your typical unicorn.” I arched a brow at her coolly, and she grinned back. “Present company included.”
I'd be pretty surprised if she's managing to be more annoying in the combat sense than Blackjack, but I'm open to being shown that.
Rampage blinked back at him and slammed her hoof across his face, twisting his head around like a corkscrew. “I’m a filly, you pervert!”
Ehh . . . still not entirely sold on that point. The couple decades of continuous living experience and presumably neurological development have to count for something, right?
You’ve got to trust me, Echo. Do that, and you can go on with your life not feeling ashamed for the mistakes you’ve made. Okay?
"Ego absolvo te."
How can she trust me after all I’ve done to her? So like him...
Nice that Big Mac's getting a bit of attention as her ancestor as well.
I thought Princesses were supposed to… you know… be able to accomplish shit.
Of course, as people who have actually watched FiM know, that's almost the opposite of true. At least where Celestia and Luna are concerned, in the present. Even if it means that Celestia needs to say something utterly stupid to stop Luna from not being useless.
If she wasn’t actually a princess, she could pull off the look pretty damn well.
Way to compliment yourself, Blackjack. :P
Then I got shot in the head.
That's quite a transition, but I do note that there seems to be quite a bit of the chapter left, and no special delimiter after this paragraph.
It must have been a hollow-point, because thank goodness for the combat helmet that deflected most of the shot, but it still felt like a hammer against my skull.
Heh, forgot about that. Who was it who, way back when (I think Rampage did recently, or did she decide on her own last chapter?) made the point that Blackjack really needed a helmet?
She reached up for the mesh, grabbed it with her hooves, and, as if she were coronating herself, lowered it onto her head.
You know who else Cogs isn't? Napoleon I, 1804.
Then get the fuck out of here and spend the first million caps on booze and whores to forget this fucking place.
Too bad that's probably not just for Blackjack's head. If it had been, she would have beaten her own record for bounty size.
Everything gets worse. Everything dies. That’s the one promise of life: it ends. What matters is how much booze and money you get from beginning to end. . . .
I turned and saw him crouched, pistols raised. I could have turned out like him.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
I was pretty self-centered at times.
Sometimes.
I stared as well. It was hard to make out, but it looked like she was manipulating something small and shiny. Something like a large pistol of some kind. Something familiar…
Folly.
“Oh shit! Hold on!”
This is a reasonable reaction.
Then she reared back her head and smashed her forehead into the unicorn’s until, on the third impact, the unicorn’s horn broke off. Perhaps that would have been an ideal time for Rampage to stop, as the unicorn shrieked and her magic disappeared, sending her missile launcher clattering down into the wreckage below. Rampage wasn’t one for stopping though, and she repeated the head butts a dozen more times till the unicorn’s face was a concave bowl.
Could have made a little more effort there, even if I don't think it would have worked out. But given the importance of keeping Rampage happy and on board, maybe it wasn't the time.
nd then an enormous wagon-sized chunk of metal scrap came flying through the air straight at us. The gun pod only managed a feeble volley of red beams at the metal block before being smashed aside, and Cognitum’s eyes widened in shock as the block continued towards her unimpeded.
"I threw a rock at her . . . It was a big rock."
I flailed my hooves around as I struggled to stabilize myself, finally taking a page from LittlePip’s book. I used my magic to grab myself within my own telekinetic field.
Mmmmm. Maybe.
With the real Luna's soul empowering her, she might not need to chow down on gems constantly, but she still had to manage her power.
Is it really more draining than shielding Canterlot while getting hit by Pink Cloud? Eh.
Cognitum stared at him. I can’t kill them instantly. They must suffer. They must despair! I must prove them wrong. I must break them!
Yeah. Not an image of machine efficiency, is she?
But I looked over at P-21 next to me.
Calm. Complete calm. He even wore a small smile. I didn’t know if it was the telepathy or just that we’d gone through so much together, but I knew… just knew… it would be alright. It’s not always about you, Blackjack.
This is getting intense.
He was her little fuck pet, rutting her every second they could. So obscene!
Ahem: “I wasn’t a prude like my sister, Blackjack. True, I almost never did such things in the flesh, but dreams are another story. After all, the night is the time for lovers,” Luna replied softly, shame in her eyes.
Again, not Luna.
“Yeah,” he said, then lowered his face into the cowpony hat. For a moment his face was completely hidden inside it. Then he withdrew it and smirked at us.
And dangling from his lips were a half dozen metal stems.
Yep.
Then the talismans adorning her body flickered and struggled. Finally, they died. The five of us fell.
Okay, I don't really get why they fell. Maybe she just didn't want to hold them without sight, or it was distracting enough to break the hold that way.
“Anypony got a healing potion?” I asked, mostly looking at Bastard.
“You don’t know a healing spell? What kind of unicorn are you?
Um, how many did know a healing spell? Also, not to rain on parades and everything, but isn't now the time they should be focusing first and foremost on killing the fuck out of the crazy lady? (Or whatever.)
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know, once upon a time, unicorns only had a few spell related to their magic talent.”
Yeah, well, that bit of canon's been dead for a while, I think, even if it's lived on longer in the FoE-verse.
“No! No! I will not be defeated! I will not be a thing!” she shrieked, her horn blazing with overglow.
Understandable given her history.
Rampage lunged against her, pinning her to the throne. “I am a princess! You can’t do this to me!”
Fuck you, you goddamned cunt. You did worse to another princess. Okay, different type than you claim to be, but still.
I was in a place that was not meant for me. This body, once my own, was as cold and merciless as the surface of the moon. It was as hostile as the Core. As callous and cruel as I had been in my wanton slaughter at Yellow river. It was wrong. Anathema. Twisted. Perverted. Corrupted.
Sounds like the mind/soul conflict that Cognitum had described. Wouldn't have expected it to be as bad in this case, with Luna's. Also, what happens with Blackjack's soul? Don't exactly have someone to do that transfer, do they?
“Princess Luna?” Nightmare Moon laughed. “Oh dear. How wretchedly pathetic. You maintain your incapacity to grasp the patent truth, even now.” She rose from her throne and spread her wings wide. “I have always been Nightmare Moon!” Lightning flared and flashed all around us, and she laughed riotously.
Hm. Let's see where this goes, but it's not exactly fitting with what I remember of their previous interactions. She could have changed though, due to contact with Cognitum. Or it could be a Blackjack-style overreaction.
“You dare presume to tell me who I am? I am the Queen of the Night! I am a monster beyond your reckoning!”
Yeah, going with exaggerated guilt pressing her to act the monster she thought she was. Which is something Blackjack's had to put up with before. Hopefully this works out better, faster than, say, Deus.
“Of course I didn’t like it. But could any of you understand the depths of my manipulation? What I created?”
I'm really hoping for a different spin from Goldenblood, but right now it's looking fairly similar.
“While escaping any accountability or responsibility,” I finished flatly. “We’ve had this conversation before, remember?” Nightmare Moon stared at me for several seconds in bafflement, and a question snuck into my mind. “You don’t remember, do you?”
Now that's interesting.
zebra loomed to my left, an adumbral Princess Celestia on my right,
Okay, sorry, there've been some iffy, even more than iffy, cases, but I'm not buying it here. Blackjack doesn't know that word. Almost nobody knows that word. Nobody uses that word: it has only 61,000 Google results, and the entire first page is dictionaries and thesauruses.
Of course she didn’t remember. She wasn’t a mind. She was a soul. The final summation of all her experiences personified.
Yeah, but she was a soul then, too. Whatever. Memories and souls have been slippery in general.
Monsters never talked about their crimes or burdens.
Wat?
The shadows now became blinding, glaring lights that bathed the real Princess Luna from every angle. She sat upon a throne decorated with suns, staring at a mob of ponies shouting questions and muttering angrily about the war.
Nice.
“Celestia was inconsolable after Littlehorn. Truly, she’d suffered an injury more grievous than any I’d inflicted on her as Nightmare Moon.”
Okay, you're stuck with canon, and I respect that. But I don't have to pretend that this point of canon backstory isn't stupid as hell.
“You didn’t have a choice, Luna,” I said, putting a foreleg around her shoulder.
Um . . . I know you're trying to console her and all, but were you even listening to Tom and Discord?
“Yes, I did,” she said, closing her eyes.
See? Luna wasn't even part of that conversation and she paid better attention than you. :D
I once went to Ponyville for a festival and ended up insulted and abusive to ponies simply because I didn’t understand what had changed in my absence.
And never moved beyond that? Or is that just an illustration? I think probably the latter. Hopefully.
“I remembered him from the school. Such a conundrum, not fitting into Canterlot society. The historian with a fondness for rocks and sculpture.
That seems oddly impersonal given it was after she'd already personally decided to put Psalm in his care.
My secret projects... oh so many secret projects! I was drowning in secrets!”
I take it that you intentionally chose the wrong word here ("drowning"), making this a nice Freudian slip.
Visions of Psalm in the orphanage appeared beside us, like silent films.
That was such a good segment.
In unison, we said softly, “We do everything we can to make up for it, . . .
Did that just get promoted to a prayer?
My wings spread wide, and the black metal vanes transformed into snowy white feathers.
Mother fucker. I did not see that coming. This is AMAZING.
How many people are going to ragequit over this?
“Well, she’s not in my other body, right? And I don’t think she’s in this body. So where else could she...” That buzzing, growling noise grew louder and clearer. It was three words, chanted from a billion tiny mouths rising from all around us.
No . . .
This change may have actually made me revise down my estimate of the probability Blackjack will be an Element Bearer.
“They only eat metal!” Echo shrieked as he tried to sweep them off his body. “They’re only supposed to eat metal!” he screamed as he disappeared beneath the swarm.
Awful, but at the same time, I have to say that I like those lines in succession.
The magazines in each of his automatics glowed, and, biting down on his cigarette, he unloaded a stream of bullets far in excess of the ten each magazine usually carried.
Is ten the number in extended magazines or normal?
Three lives... plus Bastard... versus the world.
Heh.
It was an easy choice.
Same as ever?
as the beam punched straight through the top of the dome and out into space.
Hope that closes fast.
The space center and Maripony were tied for number two.
Was Rampage ever at Maripony? The only part I remember with her was after Blackjack left, and they were just fighting hellhounds for a minute or so before getting everyone on the Fleur, and that wasn't too hard on them at all.
Also, that's not how ranking works: two tied at two above this would make it rank four, not three. But she doesn't need to know that.
I slowed as I looked beyond him lying there to the shafts and... no... no no no...
They weren’t against him. They were impaled through him.
Ooh. Not great. Especially with no healing potions and minimal help from healing magic, unless Blackjack figures it out fast.
“I am going to pull, you are going to heal, and P-21 is going to keep living and keeping Horizons from going off. Understood?
Is it time to sing the denial song?
A giant glowing grinding disk appeared and started to work through one of the rods. If I was lucky, I’d get through one in five minutes... but there were six... Finally, I tried to use my magic to shift the immense bulk of weight above me, but Rampage cried out, and her legs trembled as she pushed back.
Nice move, immediately establishing pretty narrow limits on what she can do, at least right now.
“No! Please, Blackjack, no! Don’t do this! No!” she screamed, tearing at me with her cries. “Daddy! No! Let me go, you bastard!”
I see what you did there. Odd timing for a joke, but as dialog, it's natural.
“I love you,” I whispered into his ear as he gave one barely muted sniff.
“I know,” he answered, just as quietly.
Repurposed nicely.
“Before you go, though... my cutie mark...”
Oh fuck.
In their place was a bold red heart bursting through a ring of chain encircling it.
Nice.
“No. It’s not a penis.”
He nodded. “Good. That’s all I wanted to know.”
Of course.
I always did what I had to... even if I couldn’t save the ponies who mattered most to me.
Not to be too pissy or anything, but that's either debatable or using a very specific and possibly tortured definition of "had to"
Then I turned and saw Rampage holding up all that metal. A somewhat sheepish smile crossed her face. “Yeah. I just realized it too. I move, and there’s a good chance he gets squished and Horizons goes off with you in it. Go get going, Blackjack. He can’t stall this thing forever.”
Her too? Wow.
“Hey,” Rampage called after me, and I looked back. Rampage stared at me from over her shoulder. “It was fun.” She smiled, her eyes streaked with tears.
“Yeah,” I answered weakly, with my own, tiny, half smile. “It was.”
It really was.
I walked to my blank body and regarded it for a moment, then reached down and touched my horn to my own brow. The space within was empty, except for a number of tiny windows like monitor screens.
Connection to alicornization mindspace thing from "Magical Mystery Cure"?
There, I saw Rainbow Dash arguing with an injured Storm Chaser.
Seems not so much.
Not sure how I feel having vision of P-21 now. We'll see.
Yeah, might have been better without it.
I looked to either side of me, set the blank down, and teleported back to the tram.
Again? Scotch better not die because of this.
Scotch Tape hugged my hoof, and I jerked my head, looking down at her tear-streaked face as she smiled. “Just go, Blackjack.”
No, seriously, no.
Suddenly there was another thud, but this one was from the rear of the tram. And it was accompanied by a shriek of metal from where the tram was locked to the rail. I rushed to the rear windows and looked down.
Rampage shoved again. The mare, her eyes boiled shut and her ears caked in blood, heaved her body against the tram, pushing and straining hard.
Holy shit. Did she survive (and somehow not get sent out), or did she choose to live?
Being exposed to vacuum, even with her regeneration, had to be agony. It was everything she’d ever feared.
That's dark, man, dark and cruel.
“Then die here! You want to make it mean something, then get your fat, melodramatic ass in that rocket now!”
This might just be the first time I didn't like a fat Blackjack moment. Crazy.
I don't know. Not really feeling the song and the retrospective introspection at the end. Actually seemed to dull things a bit for me.
- Chapter Seventy Four Editing:
- It seemed to appear as if by magic.
suggest cutting either "as if" or "seemed to" (and change to "appeared" in the latter case)
past our eyes. Bushes sprang up,
only one space after period
The first guttering sparks of civilization “It’s beautiful,”
period needed after "civilization"
Time accelerated again, but now on the ground game the opposite of the explosion of life we’d seen before.
"game" to "came"?
Even with the skies cleared, life labored and ponies with it.
comma after "labored"?
The dawn broke, and around us was the core, alive and bright.
"core" should be capitalized
hellhound phalanxes marched in neat regiments below, approached with relentless might from all directions.
"approaching"
He levelled his eyes at me, smiling paternally.
"leveled"
Then found ourselves hovering over the moon again.
"we" after "then"? or no "found"?
“Blackjack… You must not understand
"You" shouldn't be capitalized or should have second space after ellipsis
some not entirely unlike the Eater. Some far,
only one space after period
“Ah. C’est l’amour….”
should have only three dots in ellipsis
or maybe its simply because you’re
"it's"
be able to wreck Horizons’ infrastructure
"Horizons's"
Discord said with a nod
missing period
“You were with me for how long and never figured that out?”
maybe italicize "how"?
Cause she had my ‘victoryness’ working for her.
apostrophe for "Cause"
Anata ga shinimasu, yariman. Wha… what the
only one space after period
strong enough to manage it like an Earth pony?
"Earth" shouldn't be capitalized
He advanced slowly, cautiously, but not fearfully, maintaining excellent trigger control and aiming.
"aim"?
to leap away to safety. A part of me noted
only one space after period
slowly spooling out behind her. Watashi wa
only one space after period
Focus…. Focus on Mr. Pistols.
should have only three dots in ellipsis, second space after if second "Focus" is capitalized
me talking. Time to-
should be dash or double-hyphen
can just take her out and say it was all a ploy-
should be dash or double-hyphen
The flux was starting to send
"flux" should be capitalized
Instead, you’ve demonstrate that you are unworthy of
"demonstrated"
Beams of blinding white light ripped through the cavernous lunar palace, as the plate and platforms came apart.
"Lunar Palace"?
The Fade talismans remained
"F.A.D.E."
“How dare he?!” Cognitum roared as she loaded a second silver bullet round into Folly.
extra space after quotation, "round" is redundant and I don't think has been used before
“How dare he think he can trap a Goddess of the moon like vermin?!”
maybe "the" instead of "a", and I don't think "Goddess" should be capitalized, especially if still "a"
If you think I am…shit, mind reade
space after ellipsis
“Die, traitors to the Goddess!” screamed a mare from the wreckage
I don't think "Goddess" should be capitalized here
“Ow!” She cried out, rubbing her
extra space after quotation, "She" shouldn't be capitalized
it spiraled down towards the flux.
"flux" should be capitalized
impossible weight as only an Earth pony could.
"Earth" shouldn't be capitalized
You can't defeat us. All you can do is kill us
only one space after period
Half dozen grenades he’d secreted tumbled
article needed to start sentence
“I got him!” Bastard shouted, the longcoat-wearin
extra space after quotation
only had a few spell related to their magic talent.”
"spells"
Why not? I always wanted a career
only one space after question mark
From the steadily rumbling below,
"steady"
while Rampage, Bastard and Scotch kept her
comma after "Bastard"
As callous and cruel as I had been in my wanton slaughter at Yellow river.
"river" should be capitalized
chains anchored my hooves to the ground before a obsidian throne.
"an obsidian"
of hurting me? Yes. But like
only one space after question mark and period
deep down you're actually...kinda disappointing
space after ellipsis
“I revelled in my war!”
"reveled"?
The nightmare faded with them, and tears streaked her dusky cheeks.
"Nightmare"?
She shook her head. “But I could have
three spaces after period
And now on our other side were were images of me saving Scotch Tape from 99,
repeated "were"
when our life is over, that our lifetimes will come close to making up for the wrong we committed.”
"our lives are"?
I levelled the gun right at Tom’s sparkling heart.
"leveled"
altered and transformed its surface into a mockery of an organic organ.
maybe "living organ"? "biological"? I mean, it's neither wrong nor redundant, it just sounds and reads bad.
tears running down my face. I could cry
only one space after period
Not her first... Refresh
should have second space after ellipsis
yourself back to the terminal!” I grabbed Scotch Tape,
should have second space after quotation
I spluttered, “Lacunae... she died to save others. Glory... P-21... they died to save me. Rampage... she... at least she got was she wanted!” I sputtered as I walked back and
quotation is double tagged, and I don't think you want both "spluttered" and "sputtered" that close
you launch this damn thing?” he asked as he
extra space after quotation
And above us, Tom glowed while, trailing a stream of dust like a tail after him.
delete "while" or the second comma
I hurt myself today ...To see if I
switch spacing of ellipsis
I will let you down...I will make
space after ellipsis
Will have more tomorrow, but that was a motherfucker of a chapter. I can see why it was hard on you, and am impressed you got it out in only four weeks. Thank you all.
Also, I tried to post this in the wrong thread. Oops!
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 6:45 am
@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you.
Ah, thank you.
Why do we still have DST at all?Icy Shake wrote:Also, why is Daylight Savings Time the part of the year when we have lots of daylight hours? Doesn't make any sense.
- Replies Spoilered to to Low Elapsed Time Since Chapter Release:
Hm... I don't think so, sorry.Icy Shake wrote:comma after "labored"?
I changed it to "the Goddess of the Night".Icy Shake wrote:maybe "the" instead of "a", and I don't think "Goddess" should be capitalized, especially if still "a"
I'm not sure what you're asking, sorry.Icy Shake wrote:Okay, so I was way off. When did this happen? Surely not before Goldenblood had his mirror epiphany, I'd think. After all, why would he, before realizing the Eater was real? So who did it? Did he send someone up, use someone already on the moon? Maybe someone with Sapphire's group of exiles from Awesome? Figure they'd need real magical chops, of course.
Right, both of them want that, Cognitum feeding Tom into the Tokomare and Vitiosus feeding it to the Eater. It's the same input to theIcy Shake wrote:Wait, wasn't that Cognitum's plan, too? Wasn't the whole reason she went there to make sure that it went off at just the right time to ensure an angle of approach sufficiently close to vertical?blackstarmetal box, but they have different ideas about what's inside and thus expect different outputs.
...I'm sure that there's something that could be said about comparing LittlePip to Cromwell, but I'm not sure what it is.Icy Shake wrote:(And couldn't you see Littlepip using a variant of it, possibly with an extra adjective and modernized?)
But... But... It's educational! /TwilightIcy Shake wrote:Okay, sorry, there've been some iffy, even more than iffy, cases, but I'm not buying it here. Blackjack doesn't know that word. Almost nobody knows that word. Nobody uses that word: it has only 61,000 Google results, and the entire first page is dictionaries and thesauruses.
Well, we still have Cognitum's claim that it took five centuries for Equestria to recover, among other things. Personally, I disagree that the injury from Littlehorn was nearly as large, much less more, but Luna's soul isn't thinking very clearly at the moment.Icy Shake wrote:Okay, you're stuck with canon, and I respect that. But I don't have to pretend that this point of canon backstory isn't stupid as hell.
As I recall, I had similar thoughts. :DIcy Shake wrote:Mother fucker. I did not see that coming. This is AMAZING.
How many people are going to ragequit over this?
On the bright side, if the Astrostable survived, Rampage can probably make it there reasonably quickly and live reasonably happily with the moon ponies.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Evilgidgit Sun Mar 08, 2015 8:30 am
Another very good chapter...
- Spoiler:
- But why did you have to...how can you!? How could you!?
What are the odds that Rampage could float back to Equestria and crashland?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 9:09 am
@Evilgidgit:
- Spoiler:
- Evilgidgit wrote:What are the odds that Rampage could float back to Equestria and crashland?
- Spoiler:
- How would she get off the moon?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:04 am
This was essentially what I expected to have happen at this point. It's fantastic in that I love it, but terrible in that it hurts just as much as I feared it would.
Thank you so much, guys. Rock on.
- Spoiler:
- 1. Echo and P-21 are dead. I couldn't help but feel this was ultimately inevitable. Echo badly needed to move on after being trapped in the program. 21 has seemingly had this doom cloud over his head since his story had "ended," and he had made peace with himself. He was of course also too close to Bj at this point to be allowed to live.
2. Rampage has chosen life at the last second, and has seemingly been damned to a living hell in hard vacuum as a result. I hold out hope that she will somehow escape, but unless she is going to intervene against an interfering Legate, I don't see that happening within the current story.
3. Scotch is alive, at least for now. I...actually didn't see this coming (and that combination makes me happy here). I have a slightly rational fear she'll hate Bj for what just happened.
4. Bj got her robo-alicorn body back, except new, improved and without the robo prefix. Given Discord's gambit with Luna's soul, it seemed fairly clear to me that Bj was going to be saddled with trying to get Luna to forgive herself at some point (that seems to be Bj's hobby, after all). That it played into potentially saving the foals while simultaneously saving Bj from being trapped in her body the way she previously was is an awesome twist and reward, though. Since very early in this story, I have believed that the best possible direction PH could take would be something like this. I love this decision through and through. (Also, art needs to happen).
I do have a question at this stage, though: shouldn't the foals have been adversely affected by so many shots with folly?
5. Bastard is goddamn awesome (though I obviously didn't see him coming, either).
Thank you so much, guys. Rock on.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:06 am
Sorry.swicked wrote:I thought so, too, but I was holding out hope things would turn out differently.
Oh, we had plenty of those sorts of delays even without you. :)swicked wrote:I suppose my absense contributed to the lack of delays :P
At least until things got kind of quiet near the end of the resolving.
Aye, I imagine it'll be pretty obvious.swicked wrote:No idea what you are referring to regarding emotions. I suppose I'll see, though.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:14 am
Vergil wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- Possibly, but I suspect that, between cybernetic protections, Luna's soul, and whatnot, they'll not be significantly less fine than they would otherwise be due to that.
- By the way...:
- I didn't notice this during the brushing itself, only thinking of it when reading Icy Shake's commentary, but...Blackjack describing the vision of the Eater of Souls wrote:I didn’t know if it was flesh or metal or some horrible alloy of the two, and I didn’t want to know.
These do not seem to me to be devoid of parallels.Blackjack describing her new body wrote:I felt my body whole, not strictly biological anymore but not mangled and pieced back together either.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Vergil Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:26 am
O. Hinds wrote:
- By the way...:
Well...
- Spoiler:
- I would be surprised if that wasn't a parallel. At their roots, the Eater and Luna have the same origins, do they not? In a "whole" or "regenerated" form, shouldn't they share some basic characteristics?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 10:38 am
Hm, interesting point...
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Borsuq Sun Mar 08, 2015 11:02 am
Awesome chapter, as always.
- Chapter 74 spoilers:
Why... I don't feel as sad about P-21 dying as I had about Glory? I liked him, really, and I didn't want him to die, but here I am, barely affected by it. With Glory, who might be alive, and who I won't be surprised if Amani will now use as hostage, based on the pervious chapter, but after chapter 71 I was depressed. Is it because P-21 character progression was over? I don't understand...
Suck about Rampage, though it's not as saddening as P-21. She cannot die, and I can see her grabbing a passing meteorite with a net and crashing down to Equus XD At the very least, she will probably find some hatch or something that will let her get in.
I'm really glad that Scotch survived. It would have been too cruel if she were to die, not just for Blackjack, but for P-21 too. He died believing that Blackjack would take care of her and keep her save.
Echo... yeah, I don't really care about him. Pity he died, but eh, P-21 dying drew much more attention.
So, can I ask something? What exactly happened to Blackjack once she got back into her original body and convinced Luna? Did she became organic, or... I'm really confused by what had happened.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by decumos Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:10 pm
- 74 SPOILER:
- Yeah, is BJ an alicorn now? Like, the real one? Because if she is, she's now literally red and black alicorn! *ba-dum tss*
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Epsilon Sun Mar 08, 2015 4:01 pm
decumos wrote:
- 74 SPOILER:
- Spoiler:
- Guess we didn't have enough pony princesses in this universe. :p As for Blackjack, I suppose the idea was that she underwent some manner of Mass Effect-esque synthesis, effectively becoming a more natural hybrid of organic and synthetic life. My question is, what of Luna's soul? Is she still in Blackjack's body now or did she somehow combine with Blackjack's soul?
Personally, I think P-21's death was a bit more heartfelt than Glory's. While it seemed pretty evident to me that he'd be axed off ever since his story arc completed at the end of volume 4, it was still sad to see it happen. The only thing I didn't really like with the past few chapters were the number of fake-outs with it looking as though he was about to die but then ultimately surviving. Made me wonder if this was actually going to be his end.
A shame about Rampage, though. Here's hoping they'll be able to launch a rescue mission for her once the Eater has been dealt with.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by decumos Sun Mar 08, 2015 4:40 pm
- 74, duh!:
- Can someone remind me, have Littlepip's friends already activated Gardens of Equestria at this point? I'm just wondering... The Element of Magic wasn't revealed in the original, alongside with Generosity, right? We already suspect that Charity, despite ain't being charity, may be Generosity (or at least capitalistic Generosity). So, could it be, that Blackjack will end being Magic? Especially since she has just become pretty much an alicorn princess and is already Twilight's descendant.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Harmony Ltd. Sun Mar 08, 2015 4:47 pm
- Spoiler:
- I just have to say that seeing Johnny Cash's "Hurt" being used in-story, one or two years after having suggested it as possible character song for Blackjack (at least I -think- I did???) makes me quite happy.
I almost want to make a few joke music suggestions for the chapter, but that would probably be lacking respect to the departed.
Anyway, the whole story is climaxing to its end, and that's clearly palpable. I'm left hanging there with a number of question:
Is BJ going to try to use the rocket to deflect the asteroid's trajectory? Where are they going to land? How does she intend to deal with the Legate? Is there any hope that the story won't end in a Total Party Kill? Will Hoofington rise again? Will Rampage be able to reach the Astrostable? How many hookers can Bastard hook with if this son of a hooker could hook?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by SilentCarto Sun Mar 08, 2015 6:13 pm
They should all be lower-case. You capitalize the names of events (i.e. Black Death) but not specific things (bubonic plague) unless they contain a proper noun, such as a product or place name (Ebola virus.)O. Hinds wrote:Some of the others are a bit iffy ("Are they referring to the Pink Cloud or using the definite article for other reasons to refer to a cloud that is pink and also is the Pink Cloud?"), but it'll be fine to just convert them all, I think.
Oh. Crud. I'm upset because I've been out all weekend so I didn't get to read this yet!O. Hinds wrote:
74! This will, I expect, upset many people in varying ways.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sun Mar 08, 2015 6:19 pm
Sorry is was so bad everyone. Thanks for the feedback tho. I'm sorry I upset so many people, including two of my editors.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Somber Sun Mar 08, 2015 6:42 pm
Okay. So I hurt two of my editors and... made another really happy. So I'm batting 2/1?
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Mar 08, 2015 6:54 pm
Okay, I agree, but that's an issue that at least takes some real research and thought to determine that it's not worthwhile. The name is self-evidently stupid on its own terms. Also, Standard Time takes up only about a third of the year! That's the opposite of "standard"!O. Hinds wrote:@Icy Shake:
Ah, thank you.Why do we still have DST at all?Icy Shake wrote:Also, why is Daylight Savings Time the part of the year when we have lots of daylight hours? Doesn't make any sense.
But yeah, it should be gone, and I'll one-up that: I think all timezones should just be collapsed into GMT. It goes without saying the US should finally adopt the metric system. And I have some thoughts on calendar reform I don't think should actually be implemented but which I believe would be an aesthetic improvement.
O. Hinds wrote:
- Replies Spoilered to to Low Elapsed Time Since Chapter Release:
- Spoiler:
- It was answered soon afterward in the chapter. It's just a bit confusing because at least four sides wanted the same thing, or at least very similar things, to happen for different reasons and in some cases at different times.
O. Hinds wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- I wasn't thinking so much that she'd express the precise thought behind the quotation, but more use the "by the [added adjective] bowels of [one of Celestia or Luna]" construction.
O. Hinds wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- I disagree. I think that based on her actions, it's entirely possible she took it harder than the Nightmare incident, etc., and Luna may well be correct here. I just think that's a stupid, implausible plot point in FoE.
- Chapter Seventy Four Overall Thoughts:
- Okay, that was pretty packed. Let's start with the talk with Tom. There may have been more exposition there than really necessary, but the parts focusing on the overview of the outcomes and the responses from Blackjack and the rest were enjoyable to me. And it was all done consistently with Blackjack's personality and morality. One downside, though, is that there was a scale problem, I think. The costs to all future life on Equus, or the rest of the universe, are too abstract compared to the lives of everyone now living on Equus, so the point is a little blunted compared to, for instance, giving EC-1101 to Dawn to stop the shelling of Chapel. It's mitigated by the fact that it's parallel to many previous cases, but all the same, it's if anything an easier emotional choice than those were, and thus in one respect less fitting for a climax.
Turning both Echo and Bastard was nice, both as a partially nonviolent, or at least nonlethal, solution and because of how the reasons behind them were so different. Now, there's one point that I think needs to be made, now that Cognitum has been dealt with: I really don't want the Legate (or EoS) to have the kind of shrill, screeching, raving breakdown that Cognitum did, and Steel Rain did, and Lighthooves did, and Dawn at least seemed in the danger of having, and Lancer had a mild form of in the Society. I guess Sanguine also went feral, but that was really after he lost (kind of won, actually), not while he was fighting/losing. I guess I've just kind of seen too much of that formula lately, though of course the way Cognitum was set up, there wasn't really another option. But Lighthooves could have been different, since most of his backstory and motivation were only really tied together right at the end. And it's true, there were differences between all of them, but it's more of a spread on one target, rather than different targets altogether.
Action was fine, and the limits placed on Blackjack by needing to limit her magic use helped. I'm not sure how much I bought Blackjack doing self-levitation, even in the limited capacity she did, but that's a small thing.
One of the big parts was of course the soul-talk with Luna. Interesting that she didn't remember their prior one (related to Somber not remembering?), but souls and memories have always been fuzzy, so that's not too much of a shock. Covered a lot of the same ground, but Blackjack was able to really take a side rather than just being a largely passive listener, and though it had a lot in common with her talk with Goldenblood, there were some significant enough differences (like Blackjack's overall attitude and how Cognitum was in the embrace-and-run-with-it mode rather than the embrace-and-demand-you-execute-me one Goldenblood represented—tying it back to "Play," Cognitum was the alternative that Blackjack feared after P-21 refused to play the part Goldenblood wanted Blackjack to play when they met). And of course this was about the final answer about whether Cognitum was Luna or not, even if there was a lot to indicate that by 65-67, and it was played up heavily in the physical battle with her. Having Luna be the way she was felt about right, and works as a kind of counterpart to Deus, who was made to see himself as a monster, then came to act the part, whereas she was put in a position that caused her to take what she sees as monstrous actions (out of what she thought of at the time as, at best, a very restricted menu to choose from), and then reconfigured her self-perception to match. Ending with a variation of Spike's admonition to Blackjack after Scoodle in what seemed almost like the form of a shared prayer was a nice emotional piece, and worked about as well as anything I could imagine for the transition to Blackjack merging with Luna and becoming a real alicorn princess. (I do have to wonder, though, if Blackjack's soul is still in her cloned body, given that they didn't have anyone around who knew soul magic. That seems like a probable circumstance, given that the perspective has tended to follow Blackjack's mind, not her soul, when they've been separated so far, at least when both might be thought of as active. So keeping her cloned body is probably still pretty important, at least until she can find Snails.) Anyway, being a pretty pretty alicorn princess seems to have been kind of underplayed so far, in terms of characters' reactions, which is understandable given what else they had going on at the time. Setting it up as not being a gigantic power boost, at any rate to the point of auto-winning against everything, was important, too.
So. Lots of character deaths. Echo's wasn't played up that much, which makes sense since P-21 and Rampage both had theirs, in a way. P-21's death was very emotionally impacting to me, but I think it might have been better left at the point when Blackjack left the throne room, rather than looking in later. Similarly, the retrospective with the song seemed a little much when it could probably have just hung there on its own, but I may have felt less that way if the scene watching him via the blank's telepathic connection hadn't happened. Rampage's was shocking and chilling, yet also one of the most heroic sacrifices in a while.
The visions of Hoofington were quick, just enough to give an impression of what was happening, which fit well with the chapter.
- More Chapter Seventy Four Editing:
- It was blessedly shortlived, but it still sent a shiver along my spine.
"short-lived"
and the desert was replaced by the battle at Chapel
extra space between "replaced" and "by"
Scotch, make sure snipey keeps her head down and doesn’t tag him again.
should "snipey" be treated like a weapon-derived nickname here and capitalized?
Echo thought I was going to lose… if I did lose
should have only one space after ellipsis or capitalize "if"
unloaded as rapidly as he could into me, moving to keep the curve
should have only one space after comma
Vigilance under the platform behind me where I figure'd he'd be most likely to drop
shouldn't have apostrophe in "figured"
though a cloud of mechaspites worked to reinforce
"mechasprites"
Was it her desire to destroy, her hatred, that corrupted Luna’s old gente nature?
"gentle"
And he did a better job than stary spooky blackness!
"starry"
Scotch Tape cried out as the mechaspites swept in at her next
"mechasprites"
with a shout of "Hold on!", Rampage grabbed her and leapt
this is some awkward punctuation. maybe drop the comma, or rewrite to something like:
Rampage gave a shout of/shouted "Hold on!" as she grabbed her and leapt
?
and the swarms of mechaspites coalesced into an enormous
"mechasprites"
and he tugged this glasses down, teal
"his glasses"
Then again, I guess you don’t need cutting-edge programing to get fucked by a horny Horse, do you, Sweetie Butt?”
"programming"
- Other Editing:
- 70:
Their programing probably didn’t account for this.
"programming" not "programing"
73:
The good news is that this place has only the basest Stable-Tec programing security.
"programming" not "programing"
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Sun Mar 08, 2015 7:07 pm
Somber wrote:Sorry is was so bad everyone. Thanks for the feedback tho. I'm sorry I upset so many people, including two of my editors.
- Spoiler:
- Well it's understandable for people to be upset after what happened. It "had to happen" of course, because of all the people like swicked, and the ones who thought "his story was over".
Which isn't to say it was poorly written, it was done very well. It just makes victory that little bit more meaningless.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by Icy Shake Sun Mar 08, 2015 7:29 pm
O. Hinds wrote:Vergil wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- By the way...:
decumos wrote:
- 74, duh!:
SilentCarto wrote:They should all be lower-case. You capitalize the names of events (i.e. Black Death) but not specific things (bubonic plague) unless they contain a proper noun, such as a product or place name (Ebola virus.)O. Hinds wrote:Some of the others are a bit iffy ("Are they referring to the Pink Cloud or using the definite article for other reasons to refer to a cloud that is pink and also is the Pink Cloud?"), but it'll be fine to just convert them all, I think.Oh. Crud. I'm upset because I've been out all weekend so I didn't get to read this yet!O. Hinds wrote:
74! This will, I expect, upset many people in varying ways.
Somber wrote:Okay. So I hurt two of my editors and... made another really happy. So I'm batting 2/1?
swicked wrote:Maybe not happy. I don't know how to describe the feeling this is. Elation? Euphoria? Manic? Breathing hard, heart beating fast. The song helped. My eyes feel watery.Somber wrote:Okay. So I hurt two of my editors and... made another really happy. So I'm batting 2/1?
Maybe just adrenaline?
You made something increadibly powerful, here. Seriously, good job.
I'm glad I play some small role in this :)
I want to shake your hand. You are very good at this.
I remember you remarking once about how you have people to reign you in when you go too dark. Like you were going to with Boo gaining a soul in the core. I wish I could read a story of yours where you let yourself go that dark.
...or do you read stories like that? Have any recommendations? You're just so good at this
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by WavemasterRyx Sun Mar 08, 2015 8:03 pm
Of course I didn't forget her, I just didn't feel it necessary to mention. *shrugs*swicked wrote:
- Spoiler:
She has been damned. Again.
P-21's story was no more over than Scotch's or Glory's. Rampage's mystery had been solved.
I don't think this was his time. At least, I didn't expect it to be. I didn't even get to read this part until after it went public.
You really shouldn't blame this one on me
And I never said anything about blame directly. You just happen to be a more relevant example than the rather large number of people I constantly see on tumblr and elsewhere, who also derive satisfaction from the outpouring of emotion achieved by placing a character in traumatic circumstances.
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Re: [GRIMDARK] Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons Discussion
by O. Hinds Sun Mar 08, 2015 8:17 pm
Epsilon wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- As far as I know, Blackjack's soul is still in the blank; she's currently running on Luna's. Actually, the chapter doesn't currently say whether they took the blank body with them; it was last seen in the terminal. Hm. Could go either way; the writing team was a bit distracted at that point.
They have not.decumos wrote:Can someone remind me, have Littlepip's friends already activated Gardens of Equestria at this point?
I'd classify the Pink Cloud as a proper noun, but, regardless, our standard is to capitalize it. Sorry.SilentCarto wrote:They should all be lower-case. You capitalize the names of events (i.e. Black Death) but not specific things (bubonic plague) unless they contain a proper noun, such as a product or place name (Ebola virus.)
Well now, timezones seem to serve a useful purpose. They're annoying sometimes, but the system to compensate for using one time everywhere probably wouldn't be much less complex. Also, metrication and calendar reform would both be active changes; to abolish DST, we could just stop using it.Icy Shake wrote:Okay, I agree, but that's an issue that at least takes some real research and thought to determine that it's not worthwhile. The name is self-evidently stupid on its own terms. Also, Standard Time takes up only about a third of the year! That's the opposite of "standard"!
But yeah, it should be gone, and I'll one-up that: I think all timezones should just be collapsed into GMT. It goes without saying the US should finally adopt the metric system. And I have some thoughts on calendar reform I don't think should actually be implemented but which I believe would be an aesthetic improvement.
Ah, okay.Icy Shake wrote:
- Spoiler:
Oh. :DIcy Shake wrote:
- Spoiler:
Icy Shake wrote:
- Spoiler:
- Spoiler:
- I think it's likely that she didn't take it harder, though. We don't know how hard Celestia took Nightmare Moon, but I expect it was "very". The reason for her different reaction to Littlehorn (leave of absence moving to abdication) is, I suspect, due less to her internal state of affairs and more to her outer. She might very much have wanted to step down after Nightmare Moon but couldn't find anyone she'd trust more than herself with Equestria. After Littlehorn, she had Luna... and unfortunately once again made some poor judgements concerning her sister.
@Icy Shake re the error spotting:
Ah, thank you very much.
Huh. Yeah, where did that come from?Icy Shake wrote:shouldn't have apostrophe in "figured"
Ryx wrote:
- Spoiler:
Which isn't to say it was poorly written, it was done very well. It just makes victory that little bit more meaningless.
- Spoiler:
- I don't think that that's why it happened. You'd have to ask Somber for the actual reason, but I expect that it was just something like being the direction the story needed to go... or something. I work on commas and spaceships, sorry.
Also, there were really people who thought his story was over? Despite everything happening to him and that he was doing? Sure, there was the fortune, but sometimes the mysterious old woman telling fortunes is just bored and teasing the tourists.
@Icy Shake:
Why do you have a post here made entirely of quotes of other posts?
- Regarding Rampage:
- I mentioned this before, but it may have gotten lost: Rampage could be very badly off, certainly, but she isn't necessarily so. If the Astrostable survived, Rampage is likely to find her way there reasonably quickly, after which she could live relatively happily with the moon ponies.
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