Re: Fallout Equestria: Murky Number Seven

[tylertoon2]

Spoiler:

Also YAY! Now I know who to direct all my love to!

But seriously. You have lit the same spark in me that Somber, Khat and a few other highly talented writers have. One that makes me shut away family and friends and read for hours on end. One that makes me forget that these are characters and not actual people. And makes me feel a wide variety of intense emotions.

While I must admit during some bits I kinda get a little sick of the pain the characters go through. You manage to keep a state of drama and emotional distress while at the same time squeezing in some tension breaking pitch black humor.
(One of the best examples is when the Shades have Murky and are trying to figure out ways to torture him. The Comic relief is at the perfect amount which calms the scene a touch just to ramp it up a second latter.)

That is not saying you have made a mistake here or there. I feel like you don't throw the dog (in this case Murkey) A bone enough to make the suffering you put on him seem believable. But remember this is one thing that Somber struggles with and we all know how great he is.

I wish I could offer you more. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO. But I just don't have the mind to really articulate into words exactly what I want to say about this story. But I will say that this deserves it's own page on equestria daily and a much larger audience among other things.

Anyway my teeth are clattering at the next update.

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!!!

[tylertoon2]

Maid Murkey

This is simultaneously really sad, really cute, and really funny.

[Moodyman90]

Well, of what I call the Big Four of Fallout Equestria (Original, Project Horizons, Pink Eye, and Heroes) I can see Murky Number Seven joining their ranks.

Granted, there's quite a few other stories I haven't read, but at least for me MNS will always be in my personal Top Five.

[Aonee]

I could chew on my sock while reciting the russian national anthem, if you like. Backwards.

Please post a video of this. It would make my day every time I see it.

[Fuzzy]

Spoiler:

Also YAY! Now I know who to direct all my love to!

But seriously. You have lit the same spark in me that Somber, Khat and a few other highly talented writers have. One that makes me shut away family and friends and read for hours on end. One that makes me forget that these are characters and not actual people. And makes me feel a wide variety of intense emotions.

While I must admit during some bits I kinda get a little sick of the pain the characters go through. You manage to keep a state of drama and emotional distress while at the same time squeezing in some tension breaking pitch black humor.
(One of the best examples is when the Shades have Murky and are trying to figure out ways to torture him. The Comic relief is at the perfect amount which calms the scene a touch just to ramp it up a second latter.)

That is not saying you have made a mistake here or there. I feel like you don't throw the dog (in this case Murkey) A bone enough to make the suffering you put on him seem believable. But remember this is one thing that Somber struggles with and we all know how great he is.

I wish I could offer you more. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO. But I just don't have the mind to really articulate into words exactly what I want to say about this story. But I will say that this deserves it's own page on equestria daily and a much larger audience among other things.

Anyway my teeth are clattering at the next update.

I believe I understand what you mean about throwing the odd bone to him, it's something I learned throughout perhaps the first eight or so chapters, that against all predictable logic, the odd source of good can help accentuate the bad in a sort of "peaks and troughs" manner. So we'll see how it changes in nine onwards from when I began to hear that feedback a little. Thanks for re-noting it though, it's always handy to have something reiterated.

I'm so glad the story is reaching you as it is, makes a lot of the toil on a keyboard feel worth it in the end to hear people enjoying it. Specifically about the characters, they really were my biggest source of "ahead planning" to get their attitudes and personalities all correct and consistent. To hear that works for you is a big relief!

ask ask ask ask ask

I like it when people ask me to do things. It makes me feel useful.
To answer questions, to make jokes, to glub glub incoherently like some sort of land-bound fish.
I could chew on my sock while reciting the russian national anthem, if you like. Backwards.

I've suddenly forgotten what I was talking about.

Anyway, it would be my pleasure to help in any way with a fic that's made me this happy :)

Well, I'd be delighted to see it when you read through. The review that is. I think the sock chewing Russian singing would be better appreciated by the sister-fandom of the Metro series.

Well, of what I call the Big Four of Fallout
Equestria (Original, Project Horizons, Pink Eye, and Heroes) I can see
Murky Number Seven joining their ranks.

Granted, there's quite a
few other stories I haven't read, but at least for me MNS will always be
in my personal Top Five.

That honestly means a lot to hear from someone, as well as from tyler above as well. Thank you.

[OneMoreDaySK]

Oh hi Fuzzy! Love your story, and hope some more of the PHCC also comment here.
Also, that's a lot of caps for a slave that is relatively useless, i.e. not smart/strong. This to mee seems like Protoge really caring about Murk, especially with the sad logic of Murky needing to stay there, at least for medical treatment. Hope sooner or later he stands up to Shackles. Also agree with the open shackles comment, it's a matter of perspective.

So right now Murk is heading back to Filly, Sunny is going there as well, Glimmer is most likely back there already, Brimstone is heading back, and the nice mare is somewhere still there with boyfriend.

[tylertoon2]

Bah, Pink Eyes. No offense to... I don't remember who wrote it. I'm bad with names. Anyway, no offense to him, but Murky is a much cuter and more consistent character than puppysmiles and I've never felt driven to skim any parts of MN7 due to it getting boring or aggravating.

I would currently put it down as PH being #1, original being #2 and MN7 being #3. I have been reading heroes and I just wouldn't put it above this awesome fic :P

...not to start some sort of fandom war or anything...

Eh I liked pink eyes definitely one of the better FOE fics. The Style of the fic really reminded me of the first few times I played Fallout 3 and New Vegas with friends, Easy mode making me nearly unkillable, Wandering around killing stuff. Doing no side-quests. Paying no attention to the plot, making decisions based solely around how fun they sounded.


The whole thing was good nostalgia aside from that, it was unique being a lot lighter and softer than FOE a direction most of the stunning FOE fics didn't go.

[Moodyman90]

What I think Pink Eye did for me was pull of the soul crushing story and a mostly happy go lucky way. If you actually thought about the story and the characters it was sad as hell but for the most part it wasn't presented that way.

Also the innocent nature of Puppysmiles distracted me from the whole "she's a protagonist in a Fallout Equestria story, bad stuff is going to happen." like most of the other stories have going for them.

[Cptadder]

[
You really could be writing for the Fillydelphian tourist board pamphlet to returning slaves. :p

If ever your in Indiana, stop by our beautiful and historic national parks, you might just find me credited as a writer in some of the pamphlets... or not it's been a decade since those got distributed.

For the full effect you want the music from this Youtube video

Welcome to Fillydelphia!
A City of rich Tradition, a City of the Future
(Long distance panning shot of the City, artfully shot to hide the smog and angled at sunrise to hide the glow of the taint trench)
Here at the Fillydelphia Tourism board it's our purpose to show why we had thousands of new immigrants flocking to our great city every year and why you might want to join them!
(Workers in various factories who have been recently scrubbed and cleaned before going on camera, only the fittest and cleanest are visible in focus and the guards are out of frame)
Here in this growing Metropolis built on the bones of Old Fillydelphia we have a bustling city of tens of thousands of ponies of all coats working together to build a brighter tomorrow.
(More shots of smiling ponies but walking the streets, storekeepers, city life and a lingering shot of workers looking over plans in a half finished construction site)
How is such a marvel possible you might ask in this harsh Wasteland in which we all live you might ask?
(Fad to black giant question mark)
Simple, through the poise, drive and vision of one pony, the leader of Fillydelphia none other than Red Eye himself
(Shot of Red Eye addressing crowds, only the first row in visible as Red Eye is front and center the focus)
----Insert one of Red eye's speeches here from FoE------
But no leader rules alone and no leader can rule without peace and security for his ponies. Providing that security is Red Eye's strong right hoof and head of the Fillydelphia Security Forces, Stern.
(Short interview with Stern, introducing the various heads of security, a quick story about Stern saving ponies from some attack)
(Cut to another long range shot of Fillydelphia)
With our leadership well in hand, and our security assured by Stern and her FSF (Note self better name, gotta be catchy when written short-hand) our city is free to prosper. With unemployment near zero percent no Fillydelphia resident need bed for scraps, there is work for all in Filldelphia.
(Shots of various groups of ponies posing for photos)
Have medical training? Fillydelphia might be safe but in any gowning city there are always injuries, if medicine is your passion there are several fine Fillydelphia hospitals with all the old world tools and class looking to hire new nurses and doctor ponies. Want to learn medicine? The Red Eye Institute of the Pony sciences has a full medical program for those of you with the drive and the caps.
(Shots of the entrances of various hospitals with good framing, a smiling pony in a bed with a beaming nurse at his side)

......I could go on, I had promo ideas for Red Eye's factory workers, his security forces, his maintenance groups and his cleanup crews (Read:Scavangers in the pit and elsewhere in the city)
But how far can one man go for a joke? About thirty minutes before he remembers it was a joke and if he was doing it for real he'd take this into work and bounce ideas off people for a week before handing it over for copy editing then getting it back in a few days for cleanup and language tweaks before running it by legal and sending it out to the printers after final draft check by the bosses boss.

[Derpmind]

Well, of what I call the Big Four of Fallout
Equestria (Original, Project Horizons, Pink Eye, and Heroes) I can see
Murky Number Seven joining their ranks.

Granted, there's quite a
few other stories I haven't read, but at least for me MNS will always be
in my personal Top Five.

That honestly means a lot to hear from someone, as well as from tyler above as well. Thank you.

In that case, you deserve to hear more of it: I personally don't make numbered lists, and as fun as it is to argue the nitty gritty details of plot or characterization when comparing, say, PH to the original in an attempt to prove which is number one, I prefer to look at a different way: Your story is at what I call the transcendent tier of fanfiction: Not only is it a story of exceptional in most every regards, but you have created something unique and new from that which has inspired you. So when I say you're at the same level of writing as Somber and Kkat, I mean it. I would say the same thing with sincere honesty had I only read the first chapter, and just like the two authors above your writing has only improved since.

[Moodyman90]

I mainly call those the Big Four is last I checked those where the only ones with their own pages in EqD. And of those only Heroes doesn't have a TV Tropes page.

I know there are people who hate TV Tropes but if it wasn't for that site I would never have found out about Fallout Equestria in the first place.

[Fuzzy]

I had contemplated doing a "quotes" page at once for a laugh after being linked to a post on /mlp/ which described the following.

"FO:E is the high drama blockbuster with a brain.

PH is the over the top action flick with some depth.

...MN7 is like the independant French foreign student's magnum opus..."

To this day I have no idea if it's a compliment or not, but it's hilarious anyway. If I ever set up such a quotes page, I'd likely only use it for deadpan self depreciation to make people laugh, I think.

[Cptadder]

I had contemplated doing a "quotes" page at once for a laugh after being linked to a post on /mlp/ which described the following.

"FO:E is the high drama blockbuster with a brain.

PH is the over the top action flick with some depth.

...MN7 is like the independant French foreign student's magnum opus..."

To this day I have no idea if it's a compliment or not, but it's hilarious anyway. If I ever set up such a quotes page, I'd likely only use it for deadpan self depreciation to make people laugh, I think.

There's nearly enough random naked people, bad lighting or long scenes where nothing happens for a student film. Bad lighting I've learned is a hallmark of a student film no matter the generation or country.

[Derpmind]

There's nearly enough random naked people, bad lighting or long scenes where nothing happens for a student film. Bad lighting I've learned is a hallmark of a student film no matter the generation or country.

"All our actors are almost always completely naked. Also, all our actors are Ponies."
I don't even wanna guess what kind of universe that quote would actually come from.

[Valikdu]

The resolution of ch8... Did not see that coming

Spoiler:

Welcome to Fillydelphia!
A City of rich Tradition, a City of the Future
...

This should end with a "Would you like to know more?"

[Aonee]

Fuzzy, I saw what you posted on your tumblr.
Whatisthisidonteven

[Fuzzy]

Fuzzy, I saw what you posted on your tumblr.
Whatisthisidonteven

Believe me, I am in the same boat.

[Aonee]

Fuzzy, I saw what you posted on your tumblr.
Whatisthisidonteven

Believe me, I am in the same boat.

Now all we have to do is make sure it doesn't drop on Security.... Speaking of which, I wonder how Murky would feel about her. Is the notasmart pony going to be mentioned to him ever?

[Fuzzy]

Fuzzy, I saw what you posted on your tumblr.
Whatisthisidonteven

Believe me, I am in the same boat.

Now all we have to do is make sure it doesn't drop on Security.... Speaking of which, I wonder how Murky would feel about her. Is the notasmart pony going to be mentioned to him ever?

Well, Chapter 2 had a little cheeky poke at Blackjack in it. I doubt I will ever give a direct canon name reference, but I wouldn't be surprised if DJ-Pon3 at some point made a little Hoofington reference. To be honest, references aren't something I place a huge amount of value in, personally. But if it makes for a nice subtle tilt of the head, I prefer that so much more.

[Derpmind]

References for reference's sake is no better than throwing memes all over a story. When working within the same ~verse however, done well you can make your story and the world have little bits of interconnectedness that make everything more immersive and believable; 'realistic' in a way. The occasional radio broadcast that mentions 'Security' can't possibly snap anyone out of the story of the FoE~verse, whereas some people find the occasional 20% cooler to completely throw them out of the reading mindset for a few sentences. Only some people have such strong reactions to one instance, but I think that stories that throw out multiple memes or completely random references too often tend to suffer for it. (PH only occasionally makes 'references', and those tend to be hilarious, so it all depends I guess.) Still no reason not to enrich things with the occasional actually well-executed universe tie-ins.

Then there's having Murky meeting a character of another fic, which is completely different. Project Horizons spoiler (not that everyone here hasn't read it)

Spoiler:

[Cptadder]

References for reference's sake is no better than throwing memes all over a story. When working within the same ~verse however, done well you can make your story and the world have little bits of interconnectedness that make everything more immersive and believable; 'realistic' in a way. The occasional radio broadcast that mentions 'Security' can't possibly snap anyone out of the story of the FoE~verse

Exactly, having Murky hear about the adventures of Security is far different from meeting Security or running into Littlepip again. The story would not be without the encounter with Littlepip so that's earned. Getting status updates via radio on where Littlepip is in her journey gives us a timing method to figure out where in the timeline we are. Hearing about some other Hero via the radio is no big issue, only meeting or directly interacting with them is.

As a side mention sometimes it can be useful to compare and contrast characters. For example I'd think Redeye if he payed attention to Security would be a big fan of her work stablising Hoofington and generally speaking not getting in his way or hurting his business. There was that one run in with some of his slavers but otherwise Security has been busy fighting all of his enemies this entire time. Seeing Protege contrasting the Stable Dweller with Security might make for fun dialog but that's always the main draw of inculding those little radio segments to get your own characters reacting to the base story of FoE.

Then there's having Murky meeting a character of another fic, which is completely different. Project Horizons spoiler (not that everyone here hasn't read it)

Spoiler:

I loved those two chapters because as MisterMech shows, Littlepip and Security would be an awesome comedy team. Littlepip makes such a great strait pony for Blackjack to work off of.

Spoiler:

[OneMoreDaySK]

Have you seen Swicked's skits?

[Cptadder]

Have you seen Swicked's skits?

Yes, Yes I had, I read all 18,000k comments before I started commenting about three weeks back. And yes I noticed the skits that were first in the comments that appeared in 37.

[Fuzzy]

Wait a minute, now I recognise you, swicked. You were the one that wrote up more of the jokes that turned up in Chapter 35, weren't you?

I knew I recognised your name from the PH comments threads somewhere on EQD long back. Most excellent, they were good funny stuff.

Cue me very interested in hearing that skit you wrote. Those BJ/LP ones were hysterical.

[Fuzzy]

I do recall a good many of those earlier ones. Good bit of mad fun, thanks for linking. For a bit I wasn't sure if you meant you'd written one involving Murky based on how you typed the post way above, but I was wishing to see those PH ones anyway.

Much laughter was had.

[Fuzzy]

Could not stop facepalming. For the right reasons, I assure. Fun stuff.

Although part of me continually is horrified at seeing poor Pip's hard work to be nice to him going to waste. I think as of later chapters we all know how Murky would react to Pip taking attention to him in the slightest. :p

[Aonee]

Okay, looks like i as wrong. It wasn't Maid!MurkyxGlimmerlight, it was MrukyxProtege. I'm starting to worry about those two Fuzzy...

[Fuzzy]

You and me both. It gives that Maid picture a whole new meaning of sheer mindboggling proportions.

[Aonee]

Okay, now I'm coming up with a Soap Oprea-type scene where Shacklea has been forcing Murky to cheat on Protege.... Serious Wat is involved.

[Derpmind]

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