Sister forumDerpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
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Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Apple Crumble Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:05 am
Hello everypony :). This is my first fanfic actually. Since, English isn't my 1st language please go easy on me :D. Its actually in 6 parts which where the main 6 are included. Its a work in progress actually I still have to expand on the following stories
Any comments would be nice. Angry or supportive comments would be nice and taken into account to improve the story. Comments, Corrections, BURN IT WITH FIRE comments?
- Spoiler:
- It was a usual early morning in Ponyville. The grass was still wet from the dew and the rain that the Weather team had prepared last evening. The citizens of Ponyville were already stirring from their deep slumber to the do their daily routine while others were still having trouble…
*crash*
The thud vibrated across the Hooves’ abode. The glimmer of Equestria’s sun shines through a small crack from the shutters of the kitchen which illuminated the dust that was disturbed by the racket. There sitting in front of the clutter, was the flaxen haired mare, Derpy Hooves. She had been preparing her satchel for her morning run and breakfast for the daughters she had. She was trying to reach for the box of muffin mix only to slip from her tip-hoof position and knocking the contents of the pantry around the kitchen.
Awoken by commotion downstairs, Dinky and Sparkler investigated what was the source of this noise. Surprised by their mother’s predicament, “Uhh…Mommy what are you doing under that muffin mix?” Dinky questioned. Brushing off the dust that has accumulated under her wings then returning to her normal expression, Derpy answered: “I was hoping to get up early and make you guys some cupcakes and some muffins for me.” A blank expression was on the face of the two daughters when they saw the extent of the damage done by their mother. “Maybe we can help you with that?” said Sparkler. “That would be a great idea!” Derpy blurted out. Derpy always adored her children even if they were a handful to take care of. She had been a single mother since she started her job as a mail mare.
As fast the mess started the quicker it had been cleaned. The mail mare was already suiting up for her route around town to deliver the mail. She was already eager to go out because her first delivery was to Mr. & Mrs. Cake’s monthly baking magazine. She always wanted to smell the freshly baked muffins that Mr. & Mrs. Cake would always whip up in the morning. The mail mare was off with her usual getup of a mail-bag and her carefree expression on her face.
The moist scent of the damp ground filled the air. Small puddles were scattered across the streets of Ponyville. Derpy was flying high to avoid the commotion of the morning rush. She arrived at Sugarcube corner at the time Mrs. Cake finished baking her muffins.The air was suffused with the ambrosial scent of baked bads, blue berry muffins, and confectionary treats.
Derpy, distracted by the mixed aroma floating in the air, collided into another flying pony. The collision made the lot hurtle to the ground. The fallen mail mare was having difficulty from recovering from the collision. “Ouch…” said Derpy with a low voice.
Alarmed by the weight of her mail bag, the mail mare looked side to side and tried to retrieve the content of her satchel. Only to find the stallion he has collided with has already started picking up the mess that has littered the streets.
Derpy was watching in awe as the stallion was picking up the letters at lightning speed only leaving behind a cloud under his wake. Looking to the stallion, Derpy picked up the bag of muffins that was infront of the well in the center of town. But before she can reach out her hand, the stallion already had the bag in hand.
Seeing from the posture and the clothes of the apparent muffin assailant, Derpy knew that this wasn’t just a regular Pegasus. She was standing in front of one of the Wonderbolts. “Sorry about that. I wasn’t looking where I was flying.” answered by the cyan-clothed pony.
Derpy was in discomfiture. She wasn’t just in front of her idol but also one she had a crush on. “Uh…Hello?” inquired the stallion. Derpy breaking from her engrossing daydreaming said “Oh! Uh! Sorry about that. I was distracted by something.” “Do you mean these?” said the Wonderbolt while holding out the bag of muffins Enjoyed by the sight of the bag; Derpy grabbed the bag at an instant and shoving one muffin to her mouth.
Realizing that she was in front of one of Equestria’s top fliers she sheepishly replied “Uh.. Sorry about that. I really like muffins and I’m kinda hungry. Do you want one?” “Would I!” said the cyan stallion, eating the muffin as quick as lightning.
“I’m Soarin’ by the way.” he said with a muffled voice.
“I’m Derpy.” said the mail mare, her cheeks flushed with pink. “They call me that because of my eyes and that I act a klutz sometimes. Just like now.”
“I don’t think you’re a klutz. It could happen to anypony.”
“Well I better get going. I need to deliver all this letters.” said Derpy with resentment.
“Well then, see you around.” Soarin’ took off like a flash of lightning.
Derpy’s chest was throbbing. Her heart was tingling, pulsating, aching. She hasn’t felt this way for a very long time since she had her kids. She didn’t know if she could take another rejection especially from her life-long crush Soarin’.
The mail mare dismissed the feeling. She had to do her job before she could do anything about it.
Giving the periodic magazines to the Cakes, Derpy proceeded to the next package. It was Fluttershy’s vitamins and food for her animals.
The pink pony’s domicile was just as silent and gentle as her demeanor. The sweet summer wind fluttered through the air. Birds were flying and crooning around the air. The place felt like a piece of paradise.
Derpy began to knock on Fluttershy’s wooden door. The calm state began to stir as if someone inside was frightened by the banging of the door. Derpy waited atleast three minutes until someone opened a crack in a door. A turquoise-colored eye peeked through the darkness shown by the crack. “Umm..Hello?” stuttered Fluttershy. “Hi Fluttershy. I got you package.” Derpy said eagerly.
“Oh Ditzy it’s just you.”
Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief.
The door opened to the sight of the banana colored pony. The pony had a free flowing pink mane and a well-groomed set of wings.
Long before Twilight came to Ponyville Derpy and Fluttershy were already friends. They had met during their time in flight school in Cloudsdale. They were the worst fliers in the class since Derpy had bad eyesight, while Fluttershy’s wings were too large.
They were called the “klutzisters”.
“You have the package for my sick birds?”
“Yeah! I got ‘em right here.”
“Thanks! You want to come in for some tea?”
“No thanks. I got to deliver some of these packages. I already have been delayed long enough.”
Suddenly a light bulb light up in the mail mare’s head. She knew that Fluttershy may not be the most sociable pony around Ponyville but she was one of the kindest. She thought that if she had that personality she could have a chance with Soarin’.
“Fluttershy… How do you do that?”
“Do what?” confused on what Derpy said.
“Oh you know. You with your animals.”
“It’s easy you know. It’s like us ponies. You give them love they love you back. Why did you ask?”
“It’s a certain pony you see. I had this feeling again.”
“Are sure you’re ready again for this Ditzy?”
“I had to find out. Well see ya. I got to deliver some of this packages”
“Well if you want advice you know where to find me.”
The mail mare flew away from “piece” of paradise. She again was troubled by this burden. She didn’t want to make the same mistake again. She wanted her “piece” of paradise. She wanted a family. A complete family. A father for her children. A colt that she could depend on.
Before she knew she was at her next receiver, Applejack.
The farm was silent. What would you expect from a farm when it wasn’t apple bucking season?
The mare arrived on the front door then knocking.
“Applejack, can you be a dear and see who’s at the door” an old mare voice echoed throughout the barn.
“Alright Granny Smith.”
“Why ain’t it Ditzy Doo. What can I do for you sugar cube?”
“I got mail for you from the Apple Development Center.”
“Well. Le’s see what you got ‘er. Why boy howdy! I’s from the Apple Development Center. Its tellin me Sweet Apple Acres will hold the next Apple Convention! Well, ain’t that just somethin’.”
“I’m very happy for you Applejack.”
The pounding on her heart again came to her mind. Applejack’s boyish charms were working on her. Gears were rotating in her head. She quickly thought about Applejack’s personality of being dependable and mostly down-to-earth.
Since she was the element of Honesty, Derpy knew that Applejack would give her most sincere advice.
“Uhh. Applejack can I ask you for advice?” Derpy said sheepishly.
“Well I’ll give it ma’ best shot. So what on yer’ mind sugar cube?”
“Well. I want you to keep it a secret.”
“Cross Mah’ Heart, Hope to Fly, Stick a Cupcake in Me’ Eye.”
“Well you had been here for a couple of years. Some colt must have caught your eye.”
“Well you could say that. I have taken a fancy on some colts but it neigh’er developed.”
“Well some colt must have been really close to you?”
“Either than Big MacIntosh, I see no other colt. Why?”
“It’s because of this colt. I think I like him. I don’t know if I should.”
Applejack stood there in silence. Nudging her head and often looking around as if an answer was to fall out of the sky. Derpy wasn’t that eager to hear the answer. She thought that her patience will pay off as soon as she hears Applejack’s response.
Waking from her deep meditation Applejack looked at Derpy with an affectionate look.
“Derpy. Dear. A relation is a deep commitment are you sure yer’ ready for it? Well, if you are here’s my answer. To me’ a relation is like an apple seed ya know with trust and care it will be a fully grown apple tree and bear fruits. Trustin’ ya partner is what makes or breaks a relationship.”
Feeling enlightened by Applejack’s response, Derpy knew that being honest to your partner is what makes love grow.
“Well. Thank you Applejack. I really appreciate your honest opinion.”
“Ain’t nothin’ to it Ditzy.”
“Well. I better be off I got mail to deliver.”
“Well, thank you again for the letter.”
Any comments would be nice. Angry or supportive comments would be nice and taken into account to improve the story. Comments, Corrections, BURN IT WITH FIRE comments?
Apple Crumble- Earth Pony
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Fluttershy Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:14 am
Ohohoho. Linguz is going to be raging over this until the corrections are finished! XD The fanfic was great. I've posted my first fanfic here too.
Fluttershy- Royal Alicorn
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Linguz Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:35 am
I tried to read it. I really did. You are wrong Fluttershy, I go easy on none mane English language speakers... until I revise their fic. At that point, I go as hard as I do to everypony else. Know this Derpy, your fic is a mess. A complete mess. But I've seen and edited worse and longer. Expect me to revise your fic to make it flow better with proper English.
Linguz- The Forged Steel
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Apple Crumble Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:47 am
Linguz wrote:I tried to read it. I really did. You are wrong Fluttershy, I go easy on none mane English language speakers... until I revise their fic. At that point, I go as hard as I do to everypony else. Know this Derpy, your fic is a mess. A complete mess. But I've seen and edited worse and longer. Expect me to revise your fic to make it flow better with proper English.
Well I guess its ok since it my first fanfic. I got grammar nazi'd. Anyway thanks for the comments. I'll try to revise it.
Apple Crumble- Earth Pony
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Join date : 2011-11-27
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Linguz Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:50 am
I'll help you out in that aspect, if you didn't get that from the other post. I've done worse so it's not like it'll kill me.
Linguz- The Forged Steel
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Apple Crumble Sun Nov 27, 2011 10:55 am
Sorry about the english. Have a apology cupcake.
Apple Crumble- Earth Pony
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Linguz Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:01 am
I'll take it and tell you again, "Don't worry. I've seen worse."
Linguz- The Forged Steel
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Re: Derpy's Dillema (Work in Progress)
by Apple Crumble Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:04 am
Yea I got it the first time. Thanks btw for the help. Instead of just commenting on the story you did more than I had hoped for. Thank you. A thank you muffin is in order. Have some
Apple Crumble- Earth Pony
- Posts : 195
Brohoof! : 1
Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 29
Location : Philippines, Makati
Character List:
Name: Apple Crumble
Sex: Male
Species: Earth pony
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