English Paper
4 posters
Page 1 of 1
English Paper
I am working on the first paragraph of a five page persuasive essay for a senior project. I am going to make it pony related. I'll post the paragraph when I'm done with it as well as any following paragraphs for feedback. I may also make a demographics poll for use in the essay.
Ferrous_Oxide- Unicorn
- Posts : 327
Brohoof! : 13
Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 29
Location : Idaho
Character List:
Name: Ferrous
Sex: Male
Species: Earth Pony
Re: English Paper
First paragraph:
On October 10 2010, a show aired on the HUB, a show that gained an unexpected audience, produced one of the friendliest, albeit overwhelming, community, and sparked a virtual war. That show was Hasbro’s My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and an inordinate amount of teenagers and adults have created an internet community based around the show that has not only survived in the past year and a half, but has thrived. The speed of the growth of the fandom in that small period of time. The cult following of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is becoming one of the most influential subcultures online and off.
On October 10 2010, a show aired on the HUB, a show that gained an unexpected audience, produced one of the friendliest, albeit overwhelming, community, and sparked a virtual war. That show was Hasbro’s My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and an inordinate amount of teenagers and adults have created an internet community based around the show that has not only survived in the past year and a half, but has thrived. The speed of the growth of the fandom in that small period of time. The cult following of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is becoming one of the most influential subcultures online and off.
Ferrous_Oxide- Unicorn
- Posts : 327
Brohoof! : 13
Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 29
Location : Idaho
Character List:
Name: Ferrous
Sex: Male
Species: Earth Pony
Re: English Paper
Ferrous_Oxide wrote:The speed of the growth of the fandom in that small period of time.
You have this sentence in there that's an incomplete thought.
Linguz- The Forged Steel
- Posts : 898
Brohoof! : 10
Join date : 2011-11-26
Age : 29
Location : Tamenk, Dragmire
Character List:
Name: Nidal
Sex: Female
Species: Khajiit
Re: English Paper
Gizmo wrote:Ferrous_Oxide wrote:The speed of the growth of the fandom in that small period of time.
You have this sentence in there that's an incomplete thought.
Thanks for pointing that out, sometimes my brain works faster than my fingers.
Ferrous_Oxide- Unicorn
- Posts : 327
Brohoof! : 13
Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 29
Location : Idaho
Character List:
Name: Ferrous
Sex: Male
Species: Earth Pony
Re: English Paper
I look forward to seeing how this paper plays out!
Moonlight- Hydra
- Posts : 650
Brohoof! : 23
Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 27
Location : New York State (not the city)
Character List:
Name:
Sex:
Species:
Re: English Paper
It's nice, but try to elaborate a bit more about the background/facts.
Example: The show sprung to Internet popularity after someone criticized a negative review of the show and posted it onto a board of a popular site called 4Chan.
Just little facts and elaborations like that can really help beef up your paper, along with giving the reader a better sense of what you're talking about.
Example: The show sprung to Internet popularity after someone criticized a negative review of the show and posted it onto a board of a popular site called 4Chan.
Just little facts and elaborations like that can really help beef up your paper, along with giving the reader a better sense of what you're talking about.
Elipsilon- Earth Pony
- Posts : 158
Brohoof! : 2
Join date : 2011-12-12
Re: English Paper
Elipsilon wrote:It's nice, but try to elaborate a bit more about the background/facts.
Example: The show sprung to Internet popularity after someone criticized a negative review of the show and posted it onto a board of a popular site called 4Chan.
Just little facts and elaborations like that can really help beef up your paper, along with giving the reader a better sense of what you're talking about.
I'm going to elaborate on the origins and history in the next paragraph. So far, all I have is this first one because it is due today, but I'm working on it so I can make sure it is finished by the deadlines.
Ferrous_Oxide- Unicorn
- Posts : 327
Brohoof! : 13
Join date : 2011-11-27
Age : 29
Location : Idaho
Character List:
Name: Ferrous
Sex: Male
Species: Earth Pony
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum